Website Relaunch!

Hello!

I recently overhauled www.JAKonrath.com, and invite you to stop by for a chance to win twenty million dollars! (Void where prohibited, which is where you live.)

It was designed by Jack Passarella at www.authorpromo.com. Besides a new look and easier navigation, JAKonrath.com also sports brand new content:

*New Videos, including the extremely expensive book trailer for my latest Jack Daniels thriller, Fuzzy Navel!

*Lengthy excerpts from all of my novels, including my latest Jack Daniels thriller, Fuzzy Navel!

*An Author Spoiler and Poll about the surprise ending to my latest Jack Daniels thriller, Fuzzy Navel!

*New Embarrassing Pictures that have nothing to do with my latest Jack Daniels thriller, Fuzzy Navel!

*Contests and Free Stuff!

*A Guestbook! (Okay, that probably didn't deserve an exclamation point.)

*Live Chat! Talk with me live!

*An all new Message Board, where fans can interact with each other and with me in an interactive forum that encourages interaction through interacting, especially about my latest Jack Daniels thriller, Fuzzy Navel!

*An excerpt from Afraid, my upcoming Jack Kilborn novel!

*And even more, maybe!

So please visit http://www.JAKonrath.com, and be sure to tell your friends. All the cool kids are doing it.

Thanks!

Joe

7:50 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

New Message Board

I've always wanted to message board, where fans could interact and newbie writers could ask questions.

My new website will launch soon, but in the meantime feel free to play on the board--it's awful lonely being the only one there.

http://www.jakonrath.com/phpBB3

As expected, I'll be answering questions, holding contests, dishing out advice, and goofing off.

Hope to see you there, and please spread the word.

1:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Fuzzy Navel Book Trailer

I sold a kidney $29,883 to produce this video for my fifth Jack Daniels thriller, Fuzzy Navel.


I know it was worth it, because this will easily convince thousands of people to buy my book. It's a masterpiece of subtlety and persuasion, with the highest production values ever seen in a book trailer.


With no false modesty, this is probably the greatest book trailer of all time. Ever.


You can find it on my videos page.

6:11 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

New Videos

I sold a kidney $29,883 to produce this video for my fifth Jack Daniels thriller, Fuzzy Navel.

I know it was worth it, because this will easily convince thousands of people to buy my book. It's a masterpiece of subtlety and persuasion, with the highest production values ever seen in a book trailer.

You can find it on my videos page, along with a laid back interview, and a promo vid I did for my publisher way back before my first book came out.

2:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Plea For Help
Current mood: depressed

I didn't join MySpace to sell my books. I joined because I truly enjoy being friends with you.


In fact, you're my very favorite friend out of all of my 13,000 MySpace friends. You're easily the coolest person on MySpace and I'm honored to know you.


Unfortunately, I may not be your friend for much longer.


I don't want to cry on your shoulder, but since we're BFF, I feel I can unburden myself.


I was recently diagnosed with Book Writer's Disease, which I caught from a toilet seat.


It's almost always fatal. According to my doctor, I have about eighteen seconds to live.


The only thing that will save me is if you, my very best MySpace friend, immediately buy a copy of Fuzzy Navel, my fifth Jack Daniels thriller that releases today.


I know it sounds incredible, but this one act of kindness on your part will stop my dreaded disease. Plus, it's a really fun book, so you're saving my life while also having a good time.


I hate to put this sort of pressure on you, but the seventeen poor children from Peru I adopted yesterday need me to stay alive so I can pay for their operations. And if I die, the government will tear down my house, leaving no one to care for the three dozen sick kittens that I'm nursing back to health.


Also, if you don't buy the book, gas prices will hit $18.39 a gallon and the sun will die out. Plus, you could get scabies.


Sounds incredible, but it's all 100% true.


So please, please, buy Fuzzy Navel and save the planet.


Your BFF, JA Konrath

10:29 PM - 11 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment

Newsletter 8

 Straight Up - The Official Newsletter of Author J.A. Konrath 8

In this issue:
--Introduction
--Book Launch Party
--The Fuzzy Navel Tour
--Reviewer Contest
--Free E-Books
--MySpace
--Speaking Engagements
--Recent News
--Be AFRAID
--Jack Daniels Movie Update
--Freebies


--INTRODUCTION

You're on this mailing list because you love books. I love them too. This email is my way of reaching out to readers, librarians, bookstore employees, and fellow authors, and giving you free stuff. If you want to be taken off this list you can opt out using the link at the bottom. If you've asked to be removed from this newsletter and haven't been, I apologize. If you've signed up for this newsletter and haven't received it, you probably aren't reading this, but I apologize anyway.

My fifth Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels thriller novel, FUZZY NAVEL, will be released in hardcover and on audio CD and MP3 on July 8th. The first four novels in the series, WHISKEY SOUR, BLOODY MARY, RUSTY NAIL, and DIRTY MARTINI, are currently available in paperback, hardcover, and on audio. They'll make you laugh, and then scare your socks off. Please head to your favorite bookstore and buy eleven copies of each for yourself and everyone you know.

Now let's get to the fun stuff:


--BOOKLAUNCH PARTY

I love book parties, especially those that take place in snazzy venues where the food and liquor are free and there are plenty of cool people to talk to.

I'm not having one this year.

However, on the launch date for Fuzzy Navel, July 8th, you're all invited to my CEREBRAL BOOK LAUNCH PARTY!

Instead of a brick and mortar restaurant with an open bar, this party takes place entirely in my mind. There will be celebrities, big surprises, and everyone who attends will win $300 and a Toyota Prius. It's going on from 7pm-9pm, in my head. Please RSVP via telepathy. I hope to see you all there.

Then, after the party, go to a real store and buy my book.


--THE FUZZY NAVEL TOUR

I'll be visiting stores in Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Michigan. Keep an eye on www.JAKonrath.com for when and where.


--REVIEWER CONTEST

I love being reviewed, whether it's in a newspaper, a newsletter, a listserv, on a website, a blog, MySpace, a bulletin board, an online review site, a bookstore site, etc. People who wrote reviews of DIRTY MARTINI were thanked in the acknowledgements of FUZZY NAVEL. I'm doing the same thing for this book.

Write a review of FUZZY NAVEL and put it someplace where people can read it, and you'll be thanked in the acknowledgments of CHERRY BOMB, coming out next year. Simple as that. Email me a link to your review (if you've already reviewed it, please send me the link again) and you'll be entered in a contest.

Ten lucky winners, drawn at random, will receive free signed stuff. You'll have a choice of any of my previous or future books or anthologies.

One very lucky grand prize winner will get dinner. Yes, I'll actually buy you dinner. Drinks too. The only downside is that I'll be there with you.

So if you want free books, or you want to have me all to yourself for a few hours while I ply you with fine food and drink, then please review Fuzzy Navel.

Oh, and each different place you post the review online counts as a separate contest entry. So if you write one review and post it on your blog, your MySpace page, your Facebook page, Goodreads.com, Shelfari.com, Booksnbytes.com, Amazon.com, BN.com, Borders.com, DorthyL.com, and Yahoo Groups, then that's 11 entries, and 11 chances to win. How badly do you want to eat with me?


--FREE E-BOOKS

Haven't read any of my books yet? Now you can, for free. I have several full length novels and several dozen short stories available as free downloads on JAKonrath.com. Check them out, and keep an eye out for my new website design coming in July.


--MYSPACE

Are we MySpace Best Friends Forever yet? Visit my page at www.MySpace.com/JAKonrath and join my 15,000 other BFFs, each of whom I know by name and stay in constant touch with because they are so very dear to me. I also have a Facebook page, and you can befriend me there as well. Though, in all honesty, the best way to befriend me is by seeing me at a writing conference and handing me a beer.


--SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS

Are you affiliated with a library, book club, writing group, university, book fair, conference, or convention and would love to have me come speak? Of course you would. And I would love to come. Email me with a request and we can discuss my outrageous fees and unreasonable demands.


--RECENT NEWS

Harry McGlade, Jack's ex-partner, is the star of two novellas. The first, SUCKERS, is co-written with cult horror author Jeff Strand. Jeff's series character Andrew Mayhem (star of three hilariously gruesome books) teams up with Harry, and the jokes fly fast and furious. It's limited to 300 hardcover copies, and a really funny book. Get it before it's gone forever.

Harry is also in LIKE A CHINESE TATTOO, an anthology edited by Bill Breedlove. This story, called THE NECRO FILE, is officially the silliest thing I've ever written. Both of these books are available at www.horror-mall.com. If you're a JA Konrath completist, a Harry McGlade fan, or just want to blow some money on stupid stuff, I encourage you to buy copies of each. But a warning: These aren't for the faint of heart.

I had the pleasure of collaborating with F. Paul Wilson on a story in the upcoming anthology BLOOD LITE, edited by Kevin J. Anderson. Look for it at bookstores everywhere this October.

DIRTY MARTINI was nominated for a Barry Award for best novel.

I wrote a funny werewolf novella for the anthology WOLFSBANE AND MISTLETOE, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner. It's being released in October.

For those of you keeping tabs on what I eat for breakfast, this morning it was Frosted Mini Wheats. Yesterday, eggs and bacon. The day before, Mini Wheats. Tomorrow, I'm planning on Mini Wheats if any are left. If not, fried bologna.

I've collaborated with author Henry Perez on a novella featuring Jack Daniels and his character Alex Chapa (the main character from his upcoming thriller KILLING RED). The story, written for charity, is slated to appear in the upcoming Echelon Press release MISSING, which will debut at Bouchercon in Baltimore.

My blog, A NEWBIE'S GUIDE TO PUBLISHING (jakonrath.blogspot.com) was named one of the Top 101 Websites For Writers by Writer's Digest magazine.

JAKonrath.com is being overhauled with a new look and easier navigation, hopefully by the end of July. It will also include a message board, since I know all of my fans want to be able to interact with each other. All three of you. Expect another email from me when the website relaunches.

The biggest news of all came in the form of an email. Apparently a Nigerian prince has named me as an heir, and is going to deposit 16 million dollars into my bank account as soon as I send him the routing number. I plan on using the money to buy Nebraska, which I'll rename Joebraska and then have a rave party in the largest city, Joemaha. You're all invited.


--BE AFRAID

I've written a book under a pseudonym. It's called AFRAID, and I'm using the pen name Jack Kilborn. It will be available this year in Australia and Great Britain, and next year in the US. I tried my best to create the scariest novel of all time, and by early accounts I've succeeded. The website www.JackKilborn.com is coming soon.


--JACK DANIELS MOVIE UPDATE

Nothing to update, because no one has bought the rights. But if you've got fifty bucks, or even a case of good beer, call me and we'll talk.


--FREEBIES

Free stuff is cool. A few times a year I have a random drawing for free J.A. Konrath merchandise, and everyone on my mailing list is eligible. Five newsletter subscribers have been randomly picked to receive some cool gifts.

The lucky winners this time are:

lisa@tigerluna.com
knelson60@yahoo.com
rona.skene@btinternet.com
dl650@mac.com
kathyfranklin11@comcast.net

Email me to get your swag.


Thanks very much (your name here) for reading this far. Keep an eye on JAKonrath.com for updates and news. See you on the road!



JA Konrath
www.JAKonrath.com
www.JAKonrath.blogspot.com
www.MySpace.com/JAKonrath

7:06 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Contests

If you're a fan of the Claire Fergusson/Russ Van Alstyne mysteries written by friend and literary dynamo Julia Spencer-Fleming (and you should be) she's giving away free books on her website.

If you aren't a fan yet, I'm giving you a chance to become a fan. Go to www.juliaspencerfleming.com, read the excerpt for her latest novel I SHALL NOT WANT, and answer this question:

"What job does Hadley Knox swear she's going to take?"

Email your answer to Julia at julia@juliaspencerfleming.com. Five lucky folks will get free books. Tell her JA sent you...

I'm always harping about how writers need to improve their public speaking skills, and I just found out another friend of mine has written a book on the subject. USING STORIES AND HUMOR, by Joanna Slan, is all about grabbing your audience (figuratively.)

Post your most embarassing public speech story here, and the winner will get a free copy.

Last, but not least, I found an extra advance reading copy of FUZZY NAVEL hiding under my desk.

Send me a picture of you holding one of my books. The most creative pic gets the copy. Runner ups get something else for free--I have a few dozen magazines with my stories in them.

Now go have at it.

8:29 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Free Books! For Real!
Current mood: blissful

I just finished writing Jack Daniels 6 (Cherry Bomb, coming July ’09 from Hyperion) so now it’s time to get back into promotion mode.

To kick things off, I’ve got a lot of free stuff to give away.

If you want one of these free books, email me. But there’s a catch.

If I send you something free, you have to review it somewhere.

Your blog. MySpace.com. Amazon.com. BN.com. Facebook.com. Goodreads.com. Or any other public internet forum.

Fair enough? Okay, here’s what I’ve got for you:


FUZZY NAVEL ADVANCE READING COPIES

This is Jack’s fifth adventure, coming out July 2008. It all takes place in an eight hour period. While Jack works a high-profile sniper case, someone from her past returns to kill her and everyone she cares about. The two stories converge in a knock-down, drag-out, free-for-all, which was a lot of fun for me to write.

I have ten copies. If you want one, and you love to plaster your reviews all over the Internet, drop me a line.


LIKE A CHINESE TATTOO

This is an anthology featuring Cullen Bunn, Rick R. Reed, David Thomas Lord, and me. My blurb on the back says, "JA Konrath’s prose ranges from careless to wretched" - Kirkus.

I contributed three horror stories, one of which is a lengthy Harry McGlade novella.

Harry, as you may know, is a supporting character in the Jack books. He takes center stage here, with predictably gratuitous results.

This is one of the funniest, and most disgusting, things I’ve ever written.

If you love your horror books gross and laugh out loud, email me and tell me why I should give it to you. I only have one copy.

The rest of you should get your copies here:

https://www.horror-mall.com/LIKE-A-CHINESE-TATTOO-by-Cullen-Bunn-David-Thomas-Lord-JA-Konrath-Rick-R.-Reed-p-17713.html

The first edition printing is less than 300 copies, so act fast.

While you’re at Horror Mall, you should also pick up my other Harry McGlade novella, SUCKERS, co-written with Jeff Strand. This is a signed, 100 page, limited edition hardcover. It’s also gory, and funny, and very collectible. Buy yours here:

https://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html


DIRTY MARTINI

Want a free copy of the fourth Jack Daniels thriller?

If you buy a copy of the sci-fi horror anthology GRATIA PLACENTI, which featured my revolting little alien story THEM’S GOOD EATS, then you get a hardcover for free. First come, first serve. Go here for details:

http://apexdigest.livejournal.com/97381.html


WHISKEY SOUR

The first Jack Daniels adventure. If you can read Italian, I have 7 copies available in oversized trade paperback of the Italian edition by Alacran Edizioni. Email me if you, or someone you know, knows Italian.

8:07 AM - 21 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

Limited Edition Pre-Order Available
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry

Greetings all of my close and personal MySpace Friends who are more important to me than my family.

I hope you’re doing well. Really. I’m sitting here and hoping it right now.

Since we’re close Friends, you may know that I’m a writer. I do these funny/scary thrillers about a cop named Jack Daniels. All the books are named after drinks, like Whiskey Sour and Bloody Mary. They’re funny, but scary, and available at a bookstore near you.

One of the characters in those books is a foul-mouthed private eye named Harry McGlade. I’ve gotten hate mail from people who can’t stand him.

Well, he’s now the star of his own book.

It’s about vampires. And it’s very funny, and kind of scary. Mostly, it’s gory.

If you like horror fiction, and like to laugh, you’ll get a kick out of it. It’s like a combination of Stephen King and South Park mixed with that hot new band you like, the one you featured on your MySpace page. And it also cures diabetes.

It’s called SUCKERS, and comes out May 6th. It’s only a hundred pages long (great for those of you with attention deficit disorder) and it’s waaaay overpriced.

But here’s the cool thing: There are only 300 copies available.

When they’re gone, they’re gone forever.

Considering I have several hundred thousand books in print around the world, and considering I keep getting more and more popular, a signed and limited edition JA Konrath book could be worth some money some day.

Some serious money.

If you want to pre-order a copy, you can do so here:

https://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html

Yes, it will make you laugh. Sure, it will make you squirm. But mostly, it will make you very rich. One day, you’ll be selling this book on eBay, and earn enough to put your kids through college.

I’m telling you the truth, because I’m your close and personal MySpace Friend. I care about your future. I really do.

BTW - A guy named Jeff Strand also wrote half the book (mostly the adjectives), but my financial people have assured me that won’t hurt the resale value much.

love,

JA Konrath
The author who cares about you. Deeply.

4:54 PM - 7 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

Check out this event: Talk and Signing in Chicago
Current mood: breezy

Hosted By: JA Konrath
When: Wednesday Feb 13, 2008
at 7:00 PM
Where: Susanin's Auction house
900 S. Clinton
Chicago, IL 60607
United States
Description:
JA Konrath

Click Here To View Event

2:46 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment