2:42 AM - Kiss Me, Cloud My Memory
Current mood: luminous
Category: Writing and Poetry

As you and I cling skin to skin

I sink my fingers in your flesh

You grab my thick curls

Pull my head back with force and kiss me,

so sinfully,  that all the world blushes.

My eyes roll back, the world fades

As I swoon and sway.

That one, small powerful explosion

Brings me back to the reality of us.

No one left but me and you.

Unconscious to the world around us

Nothing else exits in this moment

As our eyes lock full of passion, I say

"Don't you dare take your eyes off  me.

Do it again, and don't stop.

"Kiss me, cloud my memory."

Currently listening : The Real Thing: Words And Sounds Vol. 3 By Jill Scott Release date: 2007-09-25

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11:32 AM - I NEED A ROOM MATE
Category: Life

Hey folks,

just letting u know that i need a room mate by august. i am in walnut creek, ca and it is a 2b/2ba, $575 plus utilities.

if you know of anyone please let me know. jsirhea@gmail.com

Thanks!!!

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12:25 AM - The Opportunity
Current mood: excited

sitting, thinking, contemplating
nervousness and fear are overpowering me.
so ready to start over anew,
but what should i do?
play it safe...or take the plunge?



...well folks. i decided to take the plung. a while back i made the decision to move to the bay area. it is all coming together. i have a room mate and an apt in the city i will be moving to. all my stuff is out there...except for me. school will be over the end of may. the last piece of the puzzle (which should have been the first) is my job. well, i quit. i took an early buy out. i already have my resume out for a PR & Training Assistant. wish me luck on that. it seems everything is falling into place. as of next month i will officially be living in the bay area. good bye to the city that i grew up in and call home. ok...not so much good bye as i'll see you later. i mean, its only an hour and a half drive. sooner if u speed on the freeway. but wow...how exciting and freeing to be able to pick up and start life somewhere else....fresh, new. all new experiences and beginings. a whole new life.

i can't wait.

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7:06 PM - Maybe...
Current mood: silly
Category: Writing and Poetry

Maybe I was what was wrong with you,
and maybe you were what was right with me,

because it certainly seems that way.

But maybe, just maybe, the tables will turn.

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9:04 PM - Contradiction
Current mood: confused
Category: Writing and Poetry

how do i say good bye
how do i let go of all the pain
how do i get past our past
so i can move on?

it's not possible when i still see you
it's not possible when i'm still in your presence
it's not possible when my feelings for you are still there

i forgave but i can't forget you
the smiles, the touches, the little things you did
the looks of disgust, the silence, not wanting anything to do with me

and now... and now...

you're mean, and disgusting, and an asshole, and not worth shit, and arrogant, and selfish, and manipulative, and uncaring and smug
and you're all of these and you're none of these
and i hate you because you make me feel this way
and i love you because it never went away
because feelings don't go away over night
because i've done everything rebellious
that says i'm over you
except get over you
i say i'm fine, clearly i'm not
because every now and then
you find a way to come in to me
and i let you and you damage me
leaving traces of you everywhere on me
and you penetrate through
and i soak you in and i reject you
and i'm left confused
because you're my poison and my vaccination
and i'm addicted fighting to get clean
and it has everything to do with you and nothing at all
because you don't control me
and yet... and yet....
these are my reactions to your actions
and it's not fair
                    why do you get to move on and not me?

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11:53 PM - emotional me
Current mood: scared

i have been going thru a lot over the past few months...break up with the boyfriend, financial issues, and i job i ABSOLUTELY HATE. as of late morning friday i gave myself a goal. i am going to move to the bay area by this time next year. that means leaving my job, apt, friends, and family. this really isnt anything new. i have been ready to leave since highschool. my original plan was to move in a few years. but i am fed up...especially with this "great" job of mine.

only today have i stopped to think of who else it will affect. i told my mother this afternoon. i think it was a lot for her to take in. she told me that she always knew it was a plan of mine, but it wasnt really real because i havent really spoken it out loud before and officially made the decision to do so. but she also said that i  am at the age and place to make the move. i am young, no kids, no responsibilities but to my self, and no obligations. there is nothing holding me here...except this "great" job of mine-- which my mother wasnt too happy to hear i was going to leave. hm. go fig.

i also didnt really stop to think about my friends. not that they revolve around me or anything, but i am sure there are a select few that may be upset...even just a little. and there is one person in mind. and tonight i am a little sad because, number one, i am not sure if this is adding to the frustration of this person; number two, i am not sure if this is something that will hurt our relationship, especially since this person is like my family...hell, i consider this person TO BE family.

what sucks about this is the fact that i dont know. i dont know what this person is feeling, and i dont know how this will affect anyone else. besides my coworkers, i have only told 5 people.

i found out today that my grandmother called me a survivor. she said no matter what happens i will get to where i need to be and i will be okay-- even though sometimes i may take two steps backward. lord knows i am moving backwards now. but i know that i will get thru this very tough spot in my life. so maybe i will survive this. maybe i will make it to the bay okay. and maybe i will be able to make it out there on my own.

god only knows, and time will only tell.

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2:56 PM - Poem In Progress...
Current mood: anxious
Category: Writing and Poetry

after the storm,
in that empty moment,
he left me to fall
suddenly like love
through long dark shadows.
these secrets i keep
deeply like a dream unwanted...

(to be updated as i continue it)

Currently listening : What's Going on By Marvin Gaye Release date: 14 January, 2003

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8:32 PM - one song sums it up...
Current mood: pissed off

So Pissed Off
by Angie Stone

So pissed off. Lookin at life through the glass that you shattered. Little shit like love doesnt matter anymore. Baby wassup...diggin you. So ticked off. Cant let up long enough to get over it. Brotha can I live? Can a sista live? God damn!

I tried to find a tree where we could lay happily in the shade. Gradually there were things revealed to me. Cant even hold down a job trying to follow up be hind me. Youre over protective and youre jealous. Change when you're around the fellas. Every man I speak to something's goin on. Look at you, look at you. runnin' around like a damn fool. So busy accusing me when its your insecurity.

So pissed off. Lookin at life through the glass that you shattered. Little shit like love doesnt matter anymore. Baby wassup, diggin you. So ticked off. Cant let up long enough to get over it. Brotha can I live? Can a sista live? God damn!

You needed inner peace so your anger just released. I never meant to cause you pain, but it was there before I came. Makin crazy accusations tracin all on my footsteps. Over reactin', got me packin, tryin to get out before you get back in. Look at me, look at me. I can't allow you to live rent free in my heart or in my head. Cant let you back in my bed

chorus

Baby what's wrong with you? (what's got you so pissed off?) Cant get along with you. (love i got to move on) Gotta get my life. cant let you run with it. (now cause youre pissin me off) And I dont wanna be stressed out. gotta get my life.

chorus.

Currently listening : Mahogany Soul By Angie Stone Release date: 06 November, 2001

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12:19 PM - Last Night I Slept Naked
Current mood: confused
Category: Writing and Poetry

(written 071306)

Last night I came home.
I put your entire existance
in a box.

Last night I washed my sheets.
They smelled of you and of us
in our moments of bliss.

And last night I washed my hair.
I let the water rinse it back
to its natural state.

As I rinsed away the dirt and grime of the day,
the dirt and grime of you slowly circled
and slid down the drain.

Last night I slept naked
for the first time since you left.

And I felt completely clean and
completely free.

Currently listening : From There to Here: 1989-2002 By Brian Mcknight Release date: 05 November, 2002

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10:47 PM - i dont know why, but this song makes me feel kinda...oooh...
Current mood: Sexy...

Not Like Crazy

Jill Scott


When we first met
I was surprised to get
That feeling
That feeling
The kind that don't wash away with soap
So sweet to me
The kind of feeling I
To get me through my darkest days
For you I prayed

What you do is crazy babe
Not like you belong in an asylum
Crazy baby
Like the sun in the morning and the moon at night
Like the rain falling from the sky
Like the leaves falling on the ground
I'm astounded baby
By your love for me and you're touching me
And you're trusting me
Like you do
Woo woo woo woo woo woo

Even now
I still feel that feeling
Though we've grown
We're still on the same side
Of the proverbial road
Heading in the same direction
I'm so glad to know
With you I spend my time

What you do is crazy babe
Not like you belong in an asylum
Crazy baby
Like the sun in the morning and the moon at night
Like the rain falling from the sky
Like the leaves falling on the ground
I'm astounded baby
By your love for me and you're touching me
And you're trusting me
Like you do
Woo woo woo woo woo woo

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5:41 PM - "...and the moon at night..."
Current mood: peaceful

last night as i was driving home from the bay area i noticed the moon. it was a little more full than a half moon, and it was large and yellow. i could see the sillouette of a hill, and as i drove on, they gave the illusion of the moon sitting on top of the hill.

it was eerily beautiful...

" ...crazy baby
like the sun in the morning and the moon at night
like the rain falling from the sky
like the leaves falling on the ground..."
-Jill Scott Not Like Crazy

Currently listening : Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds, Vol. 2 By Jill Scott Release date: 31 August, 2004

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4:11 PM - The Perfect Weather...
Current mood: calm
Category: Quiz/Survey

"i wanna go out side in the rain
...right now i think i'm dyin
because of you i'm cryin
dont want u to see me cry
let me go let go let me go...
i just wanna go out side in the rain..."

(remake) by Xscape

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

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1:48 PM - for TOYA!!!!
Current mood: amused

is the green bright enough for u dear? can u read it now?

LOL.

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3:32 PM - "One Night Stand"
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Writing and Poetry

it was instantaneous--
the physical attraction
sparks flew between us
our eyes sparkled
he couldn't keep from smiling--
which kept me smiling
our eyes locked and never looked away
he came correct, played it smooth
did everything just how i liked it.
touches at the right time, perfectly timed kiss
conversation never ended, continuous laughter
he seemed genuinely interested in me
we talked about poetry, light traveling
restaurants we'd like to visit--
together.

and we wanted it. we both wanted it.
one night of perfect passion
giving eachother what we wanted
no questions asked
wasn't  that all it was supposed to be?
i wasn't expecting
perfect touches, perfect eye contact
perfect chemistry for two.

who would have thought
you would turn out to be
someone i want to get to know on a deeper level
cause i'm really feelin you
and to you--
i don't want to be just a one night stand.

Currently watching : Hackers Release date: 25 August, 1998

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3:04 PM - My Anthem
Current mood: good

Golden by Jill Scott

I'm taking my freedom
Pulling it off the shelf
Putting it on my chain
Wearing it round my neck
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my car
Wherever I choose to go
It will take me far

I'm living my life like its golden

I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it in my song
Singing loud and strong
Grooving all day long
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my stroll
I'll be high stepppin y'all
Letting the joy unfold.
I'm holding on to my freendom
Cant't take it from me
I was born into it
It comes naturally
I'm strummin my own freedom
Playing the God in me
Representing His glory
Hope he's proud of me
Hope he's proud of me

I'm livin my life like its golden

Currently listening : Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds, Vol. 2 By Jill Scott Release date: 31 August, 2004

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