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13 Oct 08 Monday
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One-dimensional
Current mood:  confused
Category: Writing and Poetry
One-dimensional
So unforgettable,
I thought you were more than one-dimensional.
Deep-seated desires fuel me,
no longer sensible,
inconvincible—
shouting at the top of my lungs—
inconsolable about the way
events unfolded—
so untraditional.
Once a smile faded now to grim—
inadmissible, unconventional—
but still,
still I thought by some means
we'd be at it again—
reminiscing.
Now I see what is missing—
purpose is above all else
and your purpose was ill-conceived.
Why couldn't I just see?
I just wanted to believe
someone was capable of seeing me.
3:48 AM
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24 Sep 08 Wednesday
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No Do-Over
Current mood:  thoughtful
Category: Writing and Poetry
No Do-Over
Just waiting for these days
to fly by
you caught my eye.
I won't deny
the chord you struck inside
spectacular, fantastic
yet horrible
let us be reminded—
lines were crossed,
boundaries discarded,
blinders on—
I saw nothing else.
Gutted it seems
like a fire took out the overhead beams.
And now everything's crumbling,
tumbling—got me stumbling.
Structure now gone,
what's left is very little—
and it's jumbled.
Can't undo what's already been done.
No erasing the past,
no do-over granted—
wouldn't anyways—
despite the pain
but it won't ever be the same.
I wanted more from you—
and I thought we felt the same.
Tortured mentally and
beaten emotionally—
couldn't even stand it,
waiting by the phone for it to ring.
Never happened—should've known it wouldn't.
Still—
no do-over granted.
3:40 AM
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04 Sep 08 Thursday
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Recollection
Current mood: reminiscent
Category: reminiscent Writing and Poetry
Recollection
Memories
that fade away
but still
remain
deep in
my subconscious
mind
swirling thoughts
subdivided,
steep incline.
Searching far
looking wide
my mind a vast
canyon.
The image I seek
is buried
deep within
confines.
One way out—
recalling what was
thought-to-be lost
but never mind.
I've found it.
I remember—
then I grasp,
but it slips
away—
alluding capture—
can't seem to
grab hold—
beyond my reach.
I can't see
it's gone
and
now…
Memories
that fade away
but still
remain
deep in
my subconscious
mind
swirling thoughts
as I try to
find
grab
hold onto
that scene
unseen—
the search everlasting.
Again
I'm looking—
it never ends…
"Memories
that fade away
but still
remain
deep in
my subconscious
mind
swirling thoughts
subdivided,
steep incline…"
5:33 AM
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21 May 08 Wednesday
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Here I Am [edited]
Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Here I Am
Walking
slowly
through
a
time
that's
NOT,
mine.
Or is it?
Fog. Mist. Smoke.
Blocking sight.
Unseen becomes
un-thought-of
or wait
maybe
it's you who's walking
slowly
through a
time,
not your
own.
Don't know—
fragments
broken free—
but still
there's me.
Still unseen.
But then light, blue
sky
Peeks through
at the END
of this
L
O
N
G
TUNNEL
and
the
SURFACE
is
NEAR—
too near.
My mind
will not
allow me—
unsure
of
reality.
This, the
same
fate, that
rests in your
hands
or are
they mine?
The tunnel ends
HERE
right now.
Daylight.
6:41 PM
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13 Feb 08 Wednesday
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Toxic
Current mood:  imaginative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Toxic
GASPING for breath—
blinking my eyes—
trying to HIDE—
dust, dirt in the air—
turns MUCK in my EYES—
can't speak—
LIPS dry, cracked—
BLOODY.
Ears that can't hear—
unmistakable mistakes,
undeniable LIES
in my MIDST.
Environment MURKY,
toxic—unclear.
POISONING my mind,
unstable…
8:08 PM
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02 Dec 07 Sunday
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Unrealistic Dream
Current mood:  grateful
Category: Writing and Poetry
Unrealistic Dream
A secret is something untold—
like my love for you.
But it's shared with friends,
which is how you will eventually know.
My hand sort of forced,
but more like a nudge,
encouraging me to confess this to you.
I no longer want to hide
behind the premise of being just friends.
It's not working for me,
I want—almost need more, from you.
This pull between you and I is strong—
like super glue.
Your presence engulfs me,
but the closer we are,
the more I become complete.
And the less I feel forgotten and lost
and the less this seems
like an unrealistic dream.
2:35 PM
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21 Sep 07 Friday
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I Can See
Current mood:  hopeful
Category: Writing and Poetry
I Can See
Drunk from your kiss,
fever drenches me with sweat—
tantalizing and delicious.
Your embrace surrounds me,
overwhelming my senses.
Whisper soft, my desire has found
a sweet fire, burning,
our passionate souls entwined—
so astounding.
Cherish the moment,
for it is only a dream.
But a flicker of longing,
so magnificent, in your eyes,
I can see.
5:53 PM
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01 Sep 07 Saturday
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Brought to Life
Category: Writing and Poetry
Brought to Life
This place I see mirrored in my mind,
so drastically different—
un-ventured territory,
yet the same behind the veil—
it seems, only I can visit there.
In this time—there is no one to call on—
'cause no one is there.
The scene seems serene,
quiet and calm—the place all mine—
like a gift given from a god—
some high-mighty ruler of above.
But at the same time,
the place seems alone, and unaware
of what could be created there.
Whether desolate destruction
will fall on me there—
does not seem to matter at all.
For this relaxes me—my mind,
but here they are the same,
because this is a dream
(at least I think it is).
A secluded place for me to sit back,
relax and think—create things,
mold them—until they come out in streams—
subconscious thoughts,
from the dark corners of my mind—
almost ready (but not quite)
to be read, heard, seen,
and brought to life.
9:22 PM
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31 May 07 Thursday
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Your Eyes
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Writing and Poetry
Your Eyes
Opportunity gone, wasted away.
Will I get another chance
to say what I want to say?
Or will I dwell on the fact
that I let you just slip away?
You, and your eyes--
puppy dog brown, so deep--
almost like an abyss,
but not really,
because an abyss
is not somewhere
that I would want to be.
But in your eyes,
I could get lost for hours--
without a care for the world to see.
Will I get the chance,
to fall in those beautiful, brown eyes?
'Cause in a heartbeat I would--
you wouldn't need to tell me twice,
but you could,
and I would hang on
to every word you say--
and would, if I was given the chance,
kiss you in a very passionate way.
This all, is hard to say-- but with my head up--
there's not a sexier way,
'cause when I'm looking at you,
I feel nothing else.
All I can see is you--
'cause you've got me trapped in your eyes,
your deep, sexy, brown eyes.
6:04 PM
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15 May 07 Tuesday
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Part of Me
Current mood:  disappointed
Part of Me
Everything I'm feeling right now
is all because of you.
And all of its good.
This, is a first to me.
The one I want, wanting me too.
But the one thing,
I'm all about, you don't seem to get.
Like fifty percent of me, if it was shed,
would disappear,
and the way I am, would be no more.
Gone, devastated,
because who I am
was stripped away,
in an effort
to please you in some way.
Please, don't let that be you,
who took away my true reality.
It's what I live for,
and without it
my spirit would
die.
No longer
would I be able to
smile,
scream,
or cry.
Like my emotions were removed.
And then all I would do
is sit there and
barely exist.
Without this inside me,
I'm nothing but a shell.
Please, don't say you hate that,
because it's a real part of me.
And without it,
I could not exist.
4:16 PM
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