How will you be remembered
Current mood: blessed
Category: Religion and Philosophy

All throughout history, everybody is remembered for something. People are either written in books, or their legacy is carried on through their children. But how will you be remembered.

Will you be remembered, as someone that has no fear. who always stood up at the face of adversity, who always fights for the underdog, fights for someone who can't defend their selves. That no matter what life throws at you, you persevere.

Or

Will you be remembered as the person, that always backed down. Watched as someone else suffered while you ran to save your own skin. Someone who hides in fear as someone else goes to battle, and risks death!


Will you be remembered as a peacemaker. Who goes around being a positive influence on others. Always doing everything you possibly can just to make someone else smile. Always doing everything to resolve a conflict, and being an positive example to others, so they may do the same.

Or

Will you be remembered as a trouble maker, who goes around being negative to others. Being spiteful when ever you possibly can, just to see others miserable. Always doing everything to cause a conflict, and leading a negative way. Causing others to be negative as well.

Will you be remembered as a person who is a great leader. Who is always looking out for people's best interest.Always making decisions that will benefit the good of your people and leading them to a better future.

Or

Will you be remembered as a tyrant. Who is always looking out for your own personal interest. Always making decisions that will only benefit you, even at the cost of the well being of your people. sending others to die, so you may gain power. And using and abusing people to create your own wealth.

Will you be remembered as a charitable person. who gives on a whim. Even giving to others, even if it means you are going to be broke.

Or

Will you be remembered as a greedy person, who takes on a whim. keeping everything you have or make, and do not think about giving to others. Even though that someone who needs you help. Might lose everything.

Will you be remembered as God fearing christian. Who tries to follow all of gods teachings. someone who goes out every day doing gods work. Caring for others despite if they are a believer or not. Or doing things for others, despite if they are a believer or not. Leading a good example to others. And helping all, weather they are a believer or not.

Or

Will you be remembered as a hypo-christian, Who only goes to church because they think it's a one way ticket to heaven. Someone who raises their hands up on Sunday. And then for the rest of the week trash others. Someone who condemns people to hell, for sinning. but are a sinner themselves. Someone who shoves church down people's throat, and condemn them for not believing. Someone that is not sharing the love of Jesus.

Will you be remembered as a great parent. Who loves their children unconditionally. Someone who puts work, tv and everything else material aside, just to be there for their children. Someone who guides their children to grow up to be great parents themselves. And disciplines them, so they may stay out of trouble, so they may make the right choices in life.

Or

Will you be remembered as a parent that tries to be a friend to their children, just so they may like you, and think your cool. Someone who gets alcohol for them and their friends, so their children will accept them. Someone who dresses scandalous like their daughters or going out to clubs and bars with their sons. Someone who fears if they discipline their children, that they will hate you. So your children do what ever they want. Even though they may endanger themselves one day.

Or

Will you be remembered as the parent who just doesn't care. Who allows children to roam the streets to do what ever they want. Fail in school, and wind up one day either a teen mother, or father. A drug dealer. Or in prison.

Will you be remembered as a great husband or wife. Who"s love will never die. Someone who supports the other through thick or thin. Who no matter what the circumstance is. Will never betray one another, and spend every day together. Till death do ye part.

Or

Will you be remembered as a terrible husband or wife. Who's love never really had time to blossom, because you were never really committed in the 1st place. Someone who flirts with the opposite sex. Someone, if the marriage is going bad or the sex is not so good. Has sex with someone else. Someone who treats their spouse bad. Mentally or physically abusing them, and never supporting each other.

In closing. People will be remembered in many ways. For me. This is how I remember key people in my life.

My mom: Someone who raised me with the best of her ability. who sacrificed things just so I could have the best. some one who would do anything for me. Someone who I will positively remember.

My Biological dad: Someone who I never even met. Someone who did not care about me nor supported me. Nor did he ever make the effort. Never raised me nor give me advice. Someone who I will negatively remember.

The man who I call dad: Someone who raised me, and loved me. Even though he did not half to. The one who always stayed on me, and made sure I did right. Someone I will positively remember.

This blog is a message to everyone. I don't care who you are, or what you believe in, or if you care what others think about you. Your actions, negative or positive. Reflect on those around you. And you actions will be remembered. History has a knack for magnifying those, who do positive, and trash those who do negative. and your children, well they have to live on with you legacy. Everything that you do in life always has an affect on those around you, and those that are not. Will you be a negative influence. Or a positive influence. But just think.
HOW WILL YOU BE REMEMBERED?

7:40 PM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Believing the unbelievable. ( A story of inspiration )
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Religion and Philosophy

*Note, this is a very long story. But one I hope you enjoy reading it!*

A couple of weeks ago, I had the most life changing experience. One some might call illogical, or unexplainable. Some may call supernatural. The funny thing is that I used to not believe in any of those, until now.

    Like I said, couple weeks ago, I decided to take off work early, in stead of going home I decided to take a nice peaceful walk in the park. Just to get away from everyday stress. It was very rare that I actually get the chance to do this.

    I was walking down the pathway, thinking about the promotion I just put in for. Very doubtful I was going to get it, because this management position I put in for, has a little over a hundred applicants that put in for it as well. I knew some of the people that put in for it too. And they had much more experience in management longer than me. I was also thinking about my wife, who lost her management position due to outsourcing. She has been so stressed out lately, so much that it's stressing me out. The past month, she has been fighting the company she was laid off from for severance pay, just so she had income, till she found another, job. Luckily I had a good amount of money in our savings account.

    Still, that was not going to last forever. So I continued to walk, thinking, hoping I was going to get the promotion I put in for. Because if I did. She would not half to go back to work. She could stay home with the kids.

    I looked up, and saw the sun was starting to set. So I decided to head back to my car and head home. As I was walking back, reminiscing on how my walk was so stress reliving. I saw a man greeting people greeting people and handing out flyers. As I got closer I saw he was handing out flyers from a church, trying to get people to attend. "Great, just what I need right now. Some evangelical windbag, trying to tell me that god exists. "I said to my self.

    I saw that he got the attention of couple that was in front of me. I said to my self. "Sweet, He is pre-occupied with them. I can just walk on by, with out him saying two words to me." But to my demise. Just as I was about to pass him. The couple walked away, and he man said, "hello there sir, may I talk to you for a sec." I froze. "Crap," I said to myself. "My name is Elder Nick Ryan, and your name is?" "Ryan Whitfield" I replied. "Pleased to meet you Ryan, ha ha. Your first name is the same as my last name." As he laughed. I laughed as well, in a fake way. I asked, "Is there something I can help you with?"  Well Ryan I am a Elder at the Carpenters House Church of God, and I am out here on this beautiful day inviting people to our church, so they may have an opportunity to have a relationship with our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Would you be interested in attending?

    "No thank you sir." I replied. "I do not believe in God, nor will I ever. I really have to be going now, have a nice evening." May I ask why?' Nick asked. Frustrated by his persistence, I turned around and said. "Sir, I do not mean to be rude, but I consider myself to be a good person. I have never done anything wrong to others, I give when I can. Heck I help people in any way I can. But in return, I do not receive the same gratitude. Not from people, and sure enough not from God. My wife lost her job, and if she can't find work in the next couple of months. We are going to be in a bad way. Who's going to help us, God? Well if he does exist, he has done a pretty bang-up job in my situation. Therefore, he does not exist." I turned again to walk to my car, and not even two steps later, he asks me. "Have you ever tried talking to him, asking him for his help? Asking him to be your friend. I stopped, closing my eyes and gritting my teeth. I thought to myself. Ryan, just keep walking. You just had a nice walk; don't let this idiot ruin it." But I could not help but to reply. "If God is real, let him come to me. Because I am going to rely on an imaginary friend to make my problems go away. Get with the program, my friend. No matter how much you want him to be, he is not real!" And I continued to walk away. "I will pray for you Ryan." He said. "Whatever" I replied sneerly.

    As I sat in my car, I began to laugh at the concept of god talking to me, or me talking to god. Ha imagine that. How stupid I would look carrying on a conversation, with Harvey the Rabbit. I do understand how these people go on believing in this illusion. I put my key in the ignition... And I started to laugh out loud, and I said. "Ok god, I'm listening, talk to me." I giggled, and leaned foreword to start my car. "Ok, I'm talking to you!" Startled, I looked in the back seat. No one there, I looked on the floor. Making sure no punk kids got in my car. "Who in the world said that?" I said. "I must be going crazy!" I said as I turned back around. "No you're not going crazy; you said you wanted me to talk to you. So I'm talking. Now I started to really freak out. Have I become so stressed out, that I am now hearing voices? No, I couldn't be. "Ok where are you, this isn't funny!"

    "I am every where, I am omnipresent!" The voice said. I was quickly looking everywhere, in a paranoid way. But I saw no one. "You asked me to talk, aren't you going to reply?" "Ok this is not cool!" I started my car, and quickly drove away, still thinking it was some one around the parking lot playing a prank. "I'm still here, waiting for your, reply." "Is there a recording device in here, what's going on, who in talking to me. Come on, this is not funny!" "Like I said you asked me to talk to you, so I am talking." At this point, I was extremely paranoid. I pulled over my car, in a spot where no one could see or hear me. I got out and then started to look all in my car. I was looking for cameras, microphones, anything someone could use, to do this to me.

    I could not find anything. I started to become very paranoid. "What if I am going crazy?" "I told you, that you are not going crazy, I am simply replying to your request." "Ok I give up, who is this? Who are you?" "Well though out the centuries, I have been called many names. But you may know as GOD!" I stood there dumbfounded, trying to process what I heard. "This in no way, real." "Yes it is." The voice replied. "No, no no no no no no! This is not real; this is like only my subcoincence, or something. I just, to stressed out. So stressed I am hearing voices. I need a shrink." No you don't, all you need is me." "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! STOP PLEASE!" I shouted. "I have to stop doing this. Ok, ok. I got it; I think I know how to stop it." I said to my self. "Ok, this is god, right?"

"Right", the voice said.

    "Ok then, if this is god. Prove it!" I asked. "I thought you would never ask." "No no no no. Now my mind is going along with this, CRAP!" "Still trying rationalize what's going on huh?" The voice said. "You are not real, can't be. " I am very real and going to prove that as well". "Ok, I'm going to go along with this." I said. "Because, the only way I can rationalize this, is to play along." I said to my self. "Ok, GOD. Go ahead, prove your self". "We are going to do this my way; you have to do everything I say. No questions, No doubting, and no refusals. Ok!" "What happens if I do refuse?" "I'm going to keep talking to you, and you most likely will think you're crazy." "Crap." I said. "I better do this. Because if I do, and there is no proof. This voice should go away!

    "Are you ready?" "I suppose. I said back, with dread. "Remember, no matter how crazy it sounds, you have to do what I say!" "Whatever." I said. "What first?" I asked. "Let's start with getting in your car." So I got in, and started it. "What next?" "I want you to drive to your bank; you have 30 minutes before it closes." "Whoa now" I replied sharply. "I am not pulling anything out of my." "I asked you, no questions, and no refusals!" Then I thought to my self "what's the worst that could happen. I pull out some money, out. Please my crazy subconcince, and just put the money back in." "Ok I'll comply" I said. "But I still don't know how this is going to prove your existence. The only thing this is proving is that I am insane. But I am going to do it, none the less."

    "Trust me, I have done this before. With people with even more doubt than you." "Yea, did any of them wind up in a loony bin." I said. "No they are all now saved Christians, attending church." "Same thing!" I replied. "Trust me, when this is done, you will think differently." "We'll see." I said.

    I finally arrived at the back, with 15 minuets to spare. "Ok……GOD…... How much am I pulling out?. "$1,700." "WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THAT'S GOING TO LEAVE ME WITH ONLY $100, LEFT!" Then I paused. "Oh yea, this voice is not real. I'll do just like I planed. Withdraw the money, and then tomorrow morning, deposit it back!" Ok, GOD. I go get it. "By the way, I know what you're planning, and just remember; I can hear your thoughts just as well." I angrily ignored, what the voice said to me. I continued to walk in the bank, and filled out a withdraw slip, and withdrew $1,700 dollars.

    I walked back out to my car. As I walked back, I heard the voice saying, how proud he was of me for my leap of faith. I continued not to reply, because I wanted no one to see me talking to myself. "Ok, what next. Am I to give this money, to some needy church?" "To a church, no! But you are on the right track." Huh." I said. As you told Mr. Ryan, You like to give, correct?" "When I have the money I do." Well here is your chance." "Wait." I interrupted. My subconcince who says I'm god, has me draw money out leaving me only $100, and says now here is your chance to give. I give all the time. I think it is time to stop playing this game, and go seek mental help!"

    "You asked me to prove my self correct?"  "This is crazy." I said. Aren't you curios to find out if I am real?" I grumbled. "In a wishful way, yes." Then let's finish this, trust me, I'll make it worth your while!" "Fine, where am I going?" "1240 Norwood Lane." WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THAT'S IN THE BOTTOMS I'LL BE SHOT! "No you won't, Trust me." "Man I thought withdrawing $1700 was crazy, but this is out there! In case you did not realize god, but I'm white." "Acknowledging me by name now I see!" I paused. I said nothing, because I did not want to put myself in the mind frame that he was real. "I can't go there, it's just too dangerous." "Why are you afraid?" the voice asked. "Well I do watch the news, and people get shot, mugged on this side of town you know!" "Don't worry, I will keep you safe." "Oh I feel real assured right now. I can't do this." If you turn back now, you will never know if I am real, or not."

    In the back of my mind, I was curious. For some reason now, I wanted to know. I don't know if was to finally say once and for all that, he did not exist. Or just to hate him, if he was real. For any matter at that time, my curiosity was driving me. "Very well." I said. "I'll go, but if you are real, doesn't mean I will become a Christian, I have a lot of issues with you! "Are you ready?" He asked. "As ready as I'll ever be." So finally I left the bank parking lot, and began driving to my next destination. 1240 Norwood Lane. The sun had finally set, and by time I got to the west side of town, I became fearful. I did not talk to god, nor did I hear anything from him. As I was driving down the street, I received constant stares from the bystandards. The kind that lets you know, you are not in the right neighborhood.

    I found 1240 Norwood lane, and parked across the street from the house. I sat there silently. Still trying to make sense of all this. "Do you know what I want you to do?" He asked. In a silent, And nervous way, I replied. "I assume I am to give this money to who ever lives here. "Yes" the voice said. "Why?" "You will find that out, soon enough". "These people don't know me, if they see some white guy knocking at their door; I am going to be shot." "Only one way to find out." The voice said. I sighed. I sat there for a couple of minutes, staring at the house, working the courage to go.

    Finally I opened the car door and stepped out. I crossed the street and walked up to the door. I raised my hand to knock, and hesitated. "It will be worth your while." I herd again. So I knocked. I heard footsteps, coming towards the door. I heard the locks being turned. At this point, I was shaking. And the door violently opened. "CAN I HELP YOU SIR!" the man said with discontent in his voice. I stood there looking at him, looking at his face. And I noticed that he was crying, with tears still streaming down his face. "SIR I HAVE NO TIME FOR GAMES, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I decided not to say a word. I reached in my pocket and handed him the envelope that my $1700 was in. The man then took it looking at me in a confused way. I then said "there is $1700 in there. Have a good evening." He then looked at the envelope, and then at me. And started to cry even more.

    'Oh my gosh. I can't believe this" he said tearfully. "My wife lost her job some time ago, and she hasn't been able to find work. And the bills were pilling up. And my house is scheduled to be foreclosed on tomorrow. And $1700 is exactly what we needed to pay off all of our bills, and to save our house. We have been praying all night asking God to, help us. We are faithful people, and just knew that our lord and savior would come through, just as he promised. At that moment, my heart dropped to the floor. I thought to my self. "How is this possible? Exactly $1700. And these people were praying on this!" And the man still sobbing asked. "Sir, how did you know this? How did you know the exact amount, and were we lived?" And the only answer I could provide is "God told me to!" And I turned and walked away. The man then told me. "May the lord bless you for what you have done!" As I walked to my car, tears started to stream down my face. I opened the door, and got into my car. And I began to cry. I cried not of saddens, I cried for joy. I then realized that even though I have my issues, somebody has it worse of than me. "Do you believe I am real now?" He asked. "Yes." I sobbed.

    "Why me?" I asked. Because you called me. I figured that I would capture 2 birds with one stone with this, not that I would. I wanted you to know that I am real, and I do care, and I had the Wilson family who was in desperate need, they are faithful people who talk to me daily, and serve me well." "But you could have had anybody do this." I said. "That is true, but yet you would have felt discontent for me if I have not had you do this. This was the only way I could show you personally that I am here. And I wanted to show you that even though you may have problems they are people out there who are in much dire need, than you are. I created man so that he can have fellowship with each other, and me. But unfortunately, Men choose not to hear me, they ignore me. Even when I try to call them to serve me. Sometimes they do what you did, rationalize their way out of it, or their hearts are just too hard, to hear me. It saddens me that this happens, but I gave you all the power of choice.

    Choice, what a concept, but in this case, I have no choice but to believe. But a choice to follow. I started my car, and drove off. It was getting late, and this time my wife would start to worry about me. "So is this it god, is this where you stop talking?" "Anytime you want to just call on me, I'll be here!"

    For some odd reason now, I felt absolutely no stress, not stressed about having only $100 in my savings, or about my job. I was not worried at all. I felt good. It's been so long since I felt this good. The feeling of actually helping someone who was about to loose everything was awesome. The only thing I was worried about is how I was going to tell my wife.

    I pulled in my driveway, and sat there, going over approaches on how was I going to tell Karen, that I just gave away almost all of our savings. As I was doing this. I saw her come out of the house. So I was just going to be out with this. "YOU WON'T BELIVE THIS!" We said at the same time. We argued who was going to go 1^st, so finally she did. She said "I just got my severance check today." My eyes opened wide. "You did!" "Yea and it was for $17,000!" My jaw dropped, not because of how much she got but of the number." I then asked. "How?" "Well because my position was under contract. I guess they had a certain date when they were going to move the plant to Mexico. But to save money they decided to shut down early. They were so anxious to move that they forgot that some of us managers were under contract. They found this out when my friend Jodi hired a lawyer, so she could get her severance as well.

    "So what did you want to tell me?" I then told her everything from the start. She was astounded. Her jaw dropped when I told her how much I gave the Wilson's. The similarities in the numbers.  I guess through that she became a believer as well.

    As I lied in bed, I thought about my evening. We were no longer in financial jeopardy. I closed my eyes, and for the 1^st time, Prayed. Thank you god for helping us." It's your reward for serving me. Thank you Ryan!

    I went to work the next day, and my boss called me in his office. "What's up john?" I asked. "Got some good news for ya Ryan." "A raise." I said jokingly. Better. "You got the promotion." My jaw dropped. "How. why?" I asked. "I don't have a lot of experience like a lot of these guys." "Well Ryan, for this position, I need some one who cares about their workers, someone with a heart. I don't want experience, I want compassion. And my gut tells me that you got what it takes. Do ya?" "Yes John I do. "Ryan, I want you to take the day off, because this position means a lot more responsibility, and a lot more work." "Thanks John" I said.

    The first thing I did was go to the Carpenter's house. When I got there I asked the receptionist if, elder Nick Ryan was available. "One moment sir while I call him." Nick walked out into the lobby. "Why Mr. Whittfeild, glad to see you. What can I do for you?" "Can we talk in your office, Mr. Ryan?" "Sure." We sat down, and I began to tell him everything that happened, after we spoke the night before. "WELL HALLELUGHA, AMEN MR. RYAN! "You're not surprised? I asked. "Well no, I do half to tell you that, the god told me to go out to the park and pass out flyers. He said that there was someone he wanted to touch." "And you just went?" I asked. Well yea. I went. I had no Idea who he wanted me to reach out to. All I know is that he just wanted me to do so. So, I did. And look what happened. This is indeed a blessing." I then asked "How does one become a Christian?" Nick replied. You accept Jesus as you savior, Give all your problems to him. He will be your guide, give you advice through scripture and though him talking to you." Nick reached down to open one of his desk drawers, and said. "Let this be a gift from me to you. A Bible, Niv version. It's easier to read. Read it every day, and it will help you get to know god." "Thanks!" I replied. "Well, I better be going, Mr. Ryan" I said as I got up. "Will I see you this Sunday Mr. Whittfeild?" Nick asked. You will see me every Sunday" I said back with a smile!

    So that is my testimony. One of god's greatest unbelievers has become god's greatest believers. So you can try to rationalize what happened to me all you want, like I tried to do. But since I opened my heart to god. The possibilities are endless. I now can help people in a way that no normal man can. I'm believing the unbelievable!

Written By Steven Taylor

10:46 AM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Interesting video about Christians
Category: Religion and Philosophy

There has been alot of speculation weather or not, the story in this video is true or not. It is a very interesting concept to think about.

7:37 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Old blogs : Why I am the way that I am.
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Right now I have a million things going on, so I decided to dig in to my old blogs and republish. And as well, I have more readers. So I will start with this one.

Why I am the way I am!

This blog that I am writing right now I've been wanting to put out here for a long time now. It pretty much tells who I am in why I am the way I am. It's funny before I worked at target, I worked at a Christian day-care center, and I would tell them stories about myself before I was as a Christian. They would never believe me, because I'm such a straight laced guy. So I will tell you about my whole life experience with God.

I guess I would have to start when I was a little kid, me and my mom, and my step dad. We were not the family that went to church every Sunday, nor did I seem to know a lot about church, I do remember my first church experience, was going to a Catholic church the people that live next door to us, and I've remember going to a preschool class learning who Jesus was. For some on reason I was kind of intimidated, but I do not know why. But after that I know over the years I became very curious, a new Jesus was. I grew up like all little kids do believing that Jesus loves you, and everyone gets to go to heaven. Like it said we were never really church goers, I always believed in God and in Jesus, but my first real test, happened when I was in middle school.

My mom was the teachers aid,at a handicap public school, and took to a liking of a certain handicapped girl, who had muscular dystrophy. Her name was Brady. During the summer's for three years, my mom watched her. She became like a sister to me, she was so full of life, I loved her very much. She always spent a lot of time making a bracelet called friendship bracelets and she always sold them at our swim team bake sales. In donating the money to the muscular dystrophy association. But over time, the muscular dystrophy to the toll on her body. She died in September 1993. I was so mad at God, for taking her away from me. For the longest time I always question God asking, "in this so hateful world, why would you take someone that brought peace and happiness to it". Her death, killed me and a lot of ways.

Over the years, I was able to get over her death, and pretty much wanted no part of God, for I still did not understand why she had to die. So years went by, and there was a situation that I went through, my last years of high school. I do not wish, to tell what happened, because it was so stupid and trivial. But I do remember when I was going though the situation, my friend Robert, invited me to go to church with him. It was a Baptist church, and I've never been to one before. I remember because I got so into it, because it actually sounded like the minister was talking directly to me, of all the people that was in that building it sounded like that he was pretty much speaking about the things that were going on in my life at that time. And I thought that was pretty amazing, how a minister could do that. I always heard if you pray for something, that God would give it to you. So I prayed for this thing, to happen to me. But never did, and I was so disappointed and so upset, and mad at God once again.

And in these last two years of high school, my vow, was to destroy Christianity, and religion altogether. I was sick of it, I was sick of being taught the guiding answers all prayers if you pray to him but nothing ever happens. I knew well that there was a God, but I thought, that he just loved to play cruel jokes. So I I went on my tirade, discrediting Christianity, along with all religions, and enjoyed it as well. Not to mention my cruelty towards other people. I hated people, and any chance that I got, too hurt somebody mentally or physically, I took it. Always thinking how you feel about that God. I always remember talking with other Christians, that were trying to save , always told that they serve the cruel God, , what's the point, your stupid and naive, your lives or pointless.

After I graduated high school, I calmed down once again. I started to teach preschool, the thought nothing of God nonetheless. There was a girl that I did work with, by the name of Jennifer. I went to Fort Hays vocational school for early childhood development with her. She was a deaf girl, and I remember for years, pursuing her to date me. Even outside of high school when we were working in the same center, I would always do things to sweep her off her feet. And it finally one day I just gave up pursuing her, funny thing, a month later she asked me out. And I accepted with open arms. And did not know any sign language, and did not know how to communicate with their, all I knew that I was in love with her. And I would do whatever it would take to be with her. When the begun to date I found out that she was a new Mormon, at first I wanted nothing to do with this because of church, or God. But I was so in love with her, that I decided to go with it. So I started to go to church with her. And start the whole god thing again, and began learning things about God, that I never knew before (all get into that later), and for the first time going to church seemed fun. Over the months, me and Jennifer's relationship flourished, and my sign language, I was learning and pretty well. All was well. For some on reason, I had this notion, that all people in church were kind and nice, and without sin. Boy was I wrong, I found out that they were a certain group of people that were in that church, that did not like me. They thought I was to wild for her. And they wanted her, the devote every single waking moment to the church. So the plan was to get rid of me, and they succeeded. At this time I signed up for the United States Army reserve, and was to be for boot camp in October. And I was going to ask her to marry me, before I left. I did not get that opportunity. These people that were in the Mormon Church, exploited my naiveness, to the laws of Christianity. I did not believe that premarital sex was a sin. Even though we never had sex, because she believed, and wanted to save herself for marriage. And because I loved her and respected her so much, we never did it.

Our plans when I got back from boot camp, was to move in together, and that is when the so-called Christians attacked. They told her, that I do not love her, and all I wanted from her was just sex. And they turned her against me. And one month before love for the camp, she dumped me. She was the love of my life, and once again I cannot understand why in the world with God but this happened, I me I was happy. I had found the love my life, and when I was going to the Mormon Church they always spoke that Jesus wants us to be happy, I did not understand. So once again, I was angry at God.

So I went on to boot camp, spent six months there, do not go on the tirade that I did when I was in high school. Just decided to leave the whole religion thing alone. When I came home from boot camp training. I had a very cocky attitude, and thought that I was a total gift to women, had a superb rock hard body, and it seemed like every woman wanted me. So it's safe to say that I was very sexually active. And then I dated and ex-girlfriend that I dated when I was in high school, at this point I thought I was ready to settle down, we had a good relationship for about a year, but i kind of got bored with her and almost found myself cheating on her. She ended up dumping me for someone else, and a month later I met the woman who why now call my wife.

When I met Diane, we always liked to have fun, we always went to clubs, going out dancing, and going out drinking. And overtime are relationship became very serious. About a month and a half and tore relationship, I went out with a friend, and went barhopping, we went to this bar, which was a hole in the wall bar. And it was deep in the ghetto, and I had a lot to drink that night. And there was some guy, who thought I was someone else, and this guy began arguing with me for reasons unknown. Then me and my friend left. And that is the last thing I remember. The next thing you know, I was in the emergency room. Come to find out, that this guy hit me the back of the head with a pool stick. For I did not know what was going on, because the blow to my head gave me temporary amnesia for about two weeks.

I finally recovered, from my injury to the back of my head. All the test the doctors did come up negative for any kind of brain damage. But then four months later, I started to get these weird twitches, were my head with turned uncontrollably fast and hard to the left. My wife still my girlfriend at the time, kept urging me to go see a doctor, but I refused. I feared that if I did go to see the doctor, that they would say that something is wrong with me and I would be discharged from the Army. So I never went. Me and my wife got married, six months later. And I still had my twitches, at this time was able to kind of control them and make them not obvious to other people, but as the months went past, they started to get worse. My squad leader in the Army was the first know, and he asked me what was wrong with me. So I told him, but I asked him not to report what was going on because I did not want to get discharged from the Army. So he kept at a secret.

At this time President Bush declared war on Iraq, and our unit was deployed. We had to go down to ft Campbell, for training, for two months. And my twitches began to get worse and worse. The company commander, wanted me to be his driver. He was a Christian man, and he knew about my past with God, I guess you want to minister to me, whatever. So when we were driving toward training mission, I have one of my twitches. He asked me what did you just do. I told him it was just a cold chill, and we left it at that. And then we were in a training briefing, when I had a really bad twitch, and this time my arms flung as well. And it hit the guy that was sitting next to me, right square in the nose, which gave him a bloody nose. All the higher-ups were asking me why did I do that, so now I had no other choice but to tell the truth what was going on. They sent me to the Army hospital the next day to get checked out. And they ran numerous tests on the, though the CAT scan and the MRI scan showed a negative, the EEG test, showed that I was having misfires, and my brain.

The doctors asked me have I ever had any brain injury,, I told them what happened to me when I got hit in the back of the head with a pool stick. So I was not allow to go with my brothers and sisters and combat to Iraq. Until further testing was done. Over time my twitches became more severe, they put me on medication to calm them down. I was diagnosed with different ailments, I was diagnosed with turrets syndrome, tic disorder, and epilepsy. The doctors said that I had a rare form of epilepsy. And decided to discharge me from the United States Army.

At this time did not blame God, because the became used to the pain and the disappointment, so why bother. When I came home, I was not able to work, I could do nothing. I got no benefits from the Army, and nothing from Social Security. My wife wanted to divorce me, because everything was just so bad. I was always depressed, and thought about suicide a lot. That depressed me that I cannot work for could not support for my family away and man should. My wife was smoking even more marijuana when she usually did. But things just got worse. Things at this time have gotten so bad that me and my wife decided just call it quits our marriage, because we were fighting so much. But our parents told us to just given one more chance for the children sake.

So we said what the heck, me and Diane decided to give it to more months, and if nothing happened we would get a divorce. With only two weeks to spare of our time agreement, we knew that this wasn't working out. So one night we were watching a movie, it was the fourth exercisest movie. And Diane was smoking a joint. I remember this fondly because some guy got his head chopped off, and she started to laugh. And I asked her what in the world is so funny, she would not tell me. Then once again all of a sudden she started to laugh out of the blue, I told her she needed to put that joint down, because I thought she had some bad weed or something. And then she started to say stop talking to me, stop talking to me. And I would say Diane I am not talking to you what is going on. And she said God is talking to me right now. And I said what. She said God is telling me that I don't need to smoke this marijuana anymore, that I need to just put it down but I don't want to. And then she started crying. So I took the joint from her, or at least tried to. And she kept laughing, it was getting on my nerves. So finally after 45 minutes, at this time I thought this is nonsense. She screamed all right, I'm putting down on done. And then she started going around the house, praying. I just thought she was just high, because I didn't believe in that sort of thing anymore. And then she got her Bible out, and started to read it. That was the last time that she ever smoked marijuana.

Over the next couple weeks, she started to get really spiritual, and at this time I really wanted to divorce. Because I do not want to be around this, to me it was nonsense. And she told me that she had no desire to get a divorce, because she is renewed her love for me. So I pretty much said what ever, whatever floats your boat. She got one of her friends at work, to go to church as well. Because I sure wasn't going to go, I do not want to have nothing to do with it. And then one week, she kept on asking me to go to church with her, finally I said yes. I was sitting with her, and she asked me to go to alter call with her, to pray for her friend Kathryn. I said sure why not. We went up their, they prayed, I stood there. And then we started to walk back, and this guy who I never met before, grabbed me by my arm. And wrapped his arms around me, putting his hands on my head and my neck. He was speaking what I thought at the time was gibberish, and then all of a sudden I fell pain and my head, it felt like fire was going from my brain to my spine, and then throughout my whole body. The pain was so great that it put me to my knees. I do not know how long it lasted, but it seemed like it lasted forever. I will never forget the pain. And when he was done, he said my brother your healed. I looked at him and a very weird way thinking how in the world that he knew that I was sick. I went back to my seat, pretty much just blown away about what had just happened. And then 30 minutes went by, and I noticed that I do not have not one single twitch, which I always had happened, at least about every 10 minutes. And I remember I started to cry, thinking is this really possible, is it gone. And I remember at the end of the service, the pastor call people who did not know Jesus.

At this time, I was amazed. I thought to myself did I really know Jesus. All these years of pain, and all these years of being against him, why would he heal me. So I went up. And it was about four others there were up there as well to give their hearts to Jesus. And the pastor of told us "that's know Jesus, is to have a personal relationship with him, all you have to do is except that he died for you, and in no then he is in control. He wants to be your God, and most of all he wants to be your friend." I started to wonder, how come no one ever told me this before, about this personal relationship, I never knew of this. And as I walk back there was a man standing there waiting for me. And he grabbed me and put his arms around me. And started to speak in a different language to. But this time it did not hurt, but I felt a feeling of soothing, and I started to feel a tingling sensation, going up and down my body. And he told me, got his healed you today, and he's got great works and blessings for you.

I cried enjoying all day long, that I've gone to hold day without having to twitch. It has been years since I felt that feeling. I had a doctor's appointment the next week, for my monthly EEG test. I told the doctors what had happened, and they just laughed and said such things do not happen. They ran the EEG test. And saw that the results came back negative from any nerve misfires, so they said that I must be having a good day. And I told them that it has been a week since my last twitch. So they continued to run the test, to see if I had any. And I never did, and I even went back to the doctors office couple more times, and still no twitches. And now I was cleared to go back to work, with children again. A lot of doctors, have tried to disapprove the miracle that happened to me, but they simply cannot find an explanation on how I was healed. Because ladies and gentlemen, what I had was said to be in the medical books incurable, and said I would have to live with this for the rest of my life.

Over the months, I learned how got really was, and learned all the past things that happened to me actually had a purpose. As far as what happened to Brady, God was ready to take her home, I learned before she died, that Brady was in a lot of pain, and was very tired all the time and did not have the strength to do anything. I also learned that Brady was a Christian girl, and believe in God a lot and loved him, she served her purpose, and is no longer in pain and no longer bonded to a wheelchair. And as far as my ex-girlfriend Jennifer, well you see, if I would have married her, I would have never met my lovely wife that I have now, and I would still be stuck, and the Mormon Church. I have a wonderful life with my wife right now, and it seems like we have the perfect marriage, and it is strong as ever. And I think the Lord that he gave her to me. It pretty much shows even though I endured a lot of pain, God really truly a purpose for me, and he got me where I needed to be. Which is right here, with my wife and with my children spreading the true word of the Lord.

I have seen so many things, that makes me the truly believe, that there is indeed a God. Even though sometimes his purpose is not clear, and even if we don't get the things that we want. He has a purpose, and I can truly tell you, but even know I spent many years angry at him and trying to destroy Christianity. I truly understand his purpose, and everything that I went through my whole entire life, has prepared me for all that comes my way. So in closing, just look at my life, and look at the things that I just wrote about. It truly shows, a good purpose. God never said that it would be easy, he said it would be worth it. And indeed it is!

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Demonology, Part 2c: The temptation of sexual sin. vol, 1. Marital and pre-marital
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Religion and Philosophy

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May 7, 2008 - Wednesday

April 12, 2008 - Saturday

April 2, 2008 - Wednesday