i love music

All kinds.

That's it.

Currently listening : Ocean Avenue By Yellowcard Release date: 22 July, 2003

12:51 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

phone troubles

Hi all!

So I've had 2 new phones in 2 days and apparently have missed a few messages in there somewhere.  If you tried to get ahold of me with no response, come again!  I'm back up and running, crystal clear :)

Love & Hugs

9:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

every moment

Today my friend Andy told me that a friend of his, Amber, was killed in a car crash last night.  Tonight, her husband is on a plane back from Ethiopia where they are in the process of adopting a child, and he doesn't yet know about her death.  Our conversation was trapped for awhile, trying to imagine what his life is about to be like, knowing emotion like that can never be understood unless you've been in that situation.  And yes though the thought of going through something like that scares the shit out of me, in the midst of my tears for these people I don't even know, my heart still longs to know a love strong enough to hurt so badly.

Why is it that it takes something tragic to remind us that life is so short?  That we should seize every moment?

8:11 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

disappointment

It really sucks when you get super excited about something and then it doesn't work out.  And yes, I know that there's a reason for everything and that you can't fully appreciate the joys without some sorrow.  But it still sucks.

You know what's great though?  Even after the shittiest of experiences, one day soon it'll be sunshiney bright and your heart will be light again.

"Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's all right
Sun, sun, sun
Here it comes"

9:36 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Fred
Current mood: amused

A message I received today from one named Fred:

" u look beautiful i don't got a gf u got a bf? call me sometime lol "

Well, thanks for the compliment Fred, but...  Seriously?

8:24 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

American Gladiators

No shame in it.  I am SO excited for the return premiere tomorrow night.  I have so many great memories from back in the day, sitting around watching it with my family in the living room.  Dallas thinks I'm crazy cause she's never heard of it.  I simply say she has yet to experience the awesomeness of it.  Though I don't know if any of the new Gladiators will be able to top Nitro, he was my sister and I's favorite :)  And what about Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali?  Oh man.  It's going to be hilarious and yet so amazing.  Can't wait :)

And yes, I fully embrace my dorkdom.

10:28 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

How do I explain my heart?

I don't have the words.  How do I explain my heart?  It's all so completely illogical, and yet it still stands.  I keep trying to distract myself and pull away.  But somehow I just get pulled right back to where I was.  I don't understand it.  There's no solid foundation, only one day, one glimpse into what could be.  And yet it was a wonderful day.  A glimpse that left me breathless with the incredible things that could be brought into my life.  Yet there's no encouragement, no promises of anything to come.  So again I try to retract and change my heart.  Part of me wants more than anything to be free from the unknowing.  Free from the tightness in my chest, from the longing in the depths of my being.  For months now I've begged God to change it, to take it away.  But it remains.  So I ask for renewed patience, again and again.  Patience and peace.  Because the tightness constrains and the longing leaves me incomplete.  Fruition please come.

9:48 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

sick sucks - reader discretion is advised

When it wakes you up in the middle of the night and you go sit on your bathroom rug, waiting for it to come, shivering cause it's cold in the house, or maybe it's a fever you don't realize you have cause you're half asleep and nothing ever makes sense then anyway.  Thankfully it never happens, cause we all know how horrid that makes you feel, so you empty the trash can to place by your bed just in case.  Wake up the next morning with only one desire, sit on your couch and do nothing.  Cancel all your plans, which sucks too cause lunch with a friend who just happens to be driving through town and accompanying another friend that I hardly see to a Predators game are things that just don't happen very often.  And I sit.  And I drink water.  And I zone out.  And yeah, I get pissed (for just a second till I realize how stupid it is and that it's just the sick making me cranky) when my roommate gives me flack for not getting off the couch all day to check the mail - not kidding, my thoughts were "I'm fuckin' sick, who gives a shit about the mail?", ahhhh I'm such a happy soul.  When you know you have a fever because your eyes are burning and rubbing them only helps for a minute or two.  When your body aches - partly because it needs rest and partly because it needs you to get off the couch and actually do something.  When your friend calls to see if you're up for doing something tonight and tells you, "you sound like crap!"  I love NyQuil :)  And DayQuil :)  Tomorrow I'll be all better.  That's what I need:  sleep, drugs, and tomorrow.

8:29 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

the Merry was a little slow in coming this Christmas

I can't quote the book, the chapter, or the verse
But you can't tell me it all ends in a slow ride in a hearse
You know I'm more and more convinced the longer that I live
Yeah, this can't be
No, this can't be
No, this can't be all there is

Lord I raise my hands, bow my head
I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red
They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see
I believe
Oh, I believe

I love that song.  Believe by Brooks and Dunn in case you don't know it.  Was driving home last night when it came on and the line "you can't tell me it all ends in a slow ride in a hearse" struck home.  This holiday season has started out a little rough, two family deaths in one week - my great aunt and a second cousin.  I didn't have a close relationship with either of them so I wasn't overwhelmed, but definitely heavy hearted for the rest of my family - particularly my dad and aunt since both deaths were from their side.  I found myself pondering how odd it is that during this season of celebrating the birth of our savior, my family has spent so much time honoring our loved ones that have passed on before us.  Such sadness in a time of joy.  But joy prevails.  Because God prevails.  And yes, that I believe.

7:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

face value

Don't disregard me because of my age.

I've lived more life than you yet know about.

Get to know me.

Let's have a beginning.

7:47 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment