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I just watched "The Sweetest Thing"
Current mood: cranky

If anyone has any words of comfort to nurse the wounds that this film has inflicted upon my psyche, they would be much appreciated. 

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God
Current mood: tired

   Faith is what drives this world.  Faith in ourselves, faith in our abilities, faith in our health improving when we are sick, faith in our dreams...  Faith is what makes us strive to be better and do better, etc.  If we didn't have faith, the world would just sit there, and we would be doing nothing but getting fat and dying quickly.  We would feel as though we had nothing to live for.
  When we do have faith, it's a wonderful thing.  Doctors tell their cancer patients to think positively, as it helps to heal the body, people become rich and powerful because they had faith in themselves.  Unbelievable things happen to people of extraordinary faith, whatever the case may be, because they believe in something that others say were unachievable.
  Science has never explained greatness in any way except through the law of attraction. Only through believing that the answers will come to you will you find answers.  But I digress to my point.
  God will never be found through science.  There are no equations, no fossils, no mathematical answers to something of infinite proportions.  Only through faith in God will you find It.   Through all that has happened in my life, all of the "unexplainable" things or "luck" that I have experienced, I have no question in my mind that there is a God.  And it's because I had faith regardless of the doubts that entered my head. 
  I look at it this way.
God is nothing, but everything at the same time.  If you look at the universe, and you strip all of the galaxies, the stars, the suns, the moons, the gases, the liquids, the solids, the atoms, the protons, the nutrons, the energy, the color of emptiness (whatever it may be)...There is absolute nothing.  However, it is impossible for there to be nothing, because by definition, nothing cannot be.  But if you can define nothing and acknowledge its possibility, then nothing is something-an infinite something.   So  once everything is removed, "nothingness" becomes everything, as it is the absolute, only thing at that point with no beginning or end.  So if all the things were formed, they had to have been formed of nothing.  Everything in the universe has had a beginning at some point, and some things have had their end.  So something, had to have formed of an infinite nothing.  If something formed out of nothing, it just proves that nothing is something and still everything.  That first thing inside of nothing was formed of nothing, and that formed something else, and that formed something else, and it kept going and going until we got to this very second.  All of this had to have taken from nothing to form, so in a sense everything is still nothing.  In the Bible and in every definition, God is said to be something that never began and will never end; God is everything, the Alpha and Omega.
  Things end to bring new beginnings.  There are good things that come of bad things always unless you are too stubborn to see it.  There are bad things that can come of too many good things.  To learn how to find happiness in life, to find God, you must have faith and you must find the good things in the bad, and the bad in the things that are good.  When you accept these things and learn how to use it to your advantage, suddenly a world of opportunity opens up, and you find life to be rich with happiness and health. 
  I don't know. I'm just giving my belief.  It works for me.

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asl;kdjf

Why must we play these games?
the lonely soul boils to unfathomable hatred
to kiss the bleeding angel's eyes
and we will dance the devil into remorse
down into his suicide
We are all drifters
casting ships into a sea uncharted
and the sails only catch the final breath of the world.

Currently listening : Spiritual Machines By Our Lady Peace Release date: 13 March, 2001

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Another dream

 So, last night I had another strange dream pertaining to death and such. 
I was driving in my old Ford Explorer, which for those of you who don't know, was totaled over two years ago.  Driving on Muntown Rd., the road intersecting my street, on my way to the graveyard that is about a quarter mile from my house.  Pulling in, there was a building that sold tombstones and other things dealing in that nature making transport easy for such heavy items.  I was confused, as that building was never there before, but I knew that I had to do something there.   When I got out of the vehicle, an energetic man, late 40's, waddled up to me offering a firm hand shake.  He was wearing a gray suit with brown thread running through it in a way that formed little squares, perhaps, 3 sq. millimeters in size.  He had slicked back hair and thick glasses reminiscent of the fashion in the 60's.  Before releasing my hand, he told me that everything was gathered together and ready to go. 
 The dream flashed forward to him closing the tailgate of the Explorer and, again, shaking my hand.  
 I drove home and carried a pile to the backyard and tossed everything on the ground in front of the door to the basement.  My dad came down the stairs from the deck and came around to see, confirming that I did a good job and asked if I got the deal that was promised. 
 To answer his question, I began pulling the items off of the pile one by one.  The first was a poorly made coffin.  The wood was pine, but the stain made it look like a mahogany.  It was warped in such a way that it looked like cardboard that had dried up after being soaked in water for hours.  My father looked at it questionably and asked if that was what I really wanted.  I looked at him as though I knew he was right, but I didn't want to admit it.  Ignoring his question, I pulled the next item off, which was a large, brass cross with the year 1965 molded into the intersect.  As I pulled it off, the object underneathe of it broke and fell down the pile.  I looked down watching what fell, and a 12 in.  statue of Jesus with hands together, as if he were praying, landed on my foot.  It felt like a brick rolling over it, and I began to feel terrible sorrow.  Then I woke up.

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I dreamt of death last night

  So, last night, I had a very long, intense and vivid dream. 

 I dreamt that I was playing a show at a small coffee house. I don't know which one. When I had come home, it was a new mansion with everything I have ever wanted. I had a wife and a son.
  It was late afternoon, and the sun was in the final stages of setting. I was in a circular, river-like pool in my backyard staring up at my big new house, taking pride in the fact that I had bought it with the money that I earned.  I looked down and noticed that there was a toy ship floating towards me in the water and then thought of my son and wife who were out somewhere having fun.  I grabbed the boat and got an immediate sense of my childhood coming back to me, and began playing with the boat.
  My friends were in the pool with me; Though I couldn't make out their faces, I could tell they were having fun doing other things and paying very little attention to me.  This went on for what seemed to be an hour or so, and then I saw a friend of mine run frantically from the house saying that I had an urgent phone call from the hospital. I got out of the pool and my mansion shifted into a graveyard, and my clothing had shifted from a swimsuit to a green army jacket and ripped blue jeans.  My face was no longer clean-shaven. Instead, a thick, bushy beard took over.  My skin was a bit more leathery and dry, and I could feel wrinkles were beginning to form around the corners of my eyes.  I looked out in front of me and saw old gravestones and began to shake at how real and sharp everything was.  I could count the grass blades around the stones and draw a picture of the moss growing on the lettering.  The graves were under a black, dead tree, shallow- about a foot deep- and in the hole of the larger stone was a beautiful woman, pale and wearing a white dress. Long, brown hair, slender face and the body of a model, late twenties. Her arms were crossed and I felt the same sick, cryptic feeling I felt when I saw my brother in his casket.  I looked at her 2 foot tall headstone and it read "Mrs. Tyler Stacy 2006 Beloved Wife". I looked to the right and laying next to her was a smaller hole, perhaps 6 inches deep, with a small boy, 3 or 4 years of age, pale and in a white suit, arms crossed.  I took a deep breath.  I looked up at his stone and it said "Gavin Stacy: 2006 beloved son." I fell to my knees and began to cry softly. I'm not sure why the stones said "2006" but it was clear that they had died at the same time/
 Throughout the whole dream, I always felt a presence right beside me, and in the corner of my eye, saw a black, formless figure;  It wasn't threatening. In fact, I could tell it felt sad for me. I got the feeling that it was there to show or tell me something, much like the Ghost of Christmas Future.
  As I turned to look at it for the first time, it began to disappear, and right before it left, I didn't so much see it, but I felt a frown of sorrow come from it as it slowly turned it's smoke-like head.
  For some reason, I've had a lot of vivid dreams about people around me dying.  Most dream specialists say that these dreams are nothing to worry about, as they usually mean that you will live a very long time, but something just kinda freaks me out about the realness of everything.
  I don't know. Just felt like sharing.

Currently listening : Truth Is Not Fiction By Otis Taylor Release date: 24 June, 2003

3:48 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Faith and Religion. it’s that time boys and girls

  So, for the first time in a long time, I went to church today by the suggestion of my chiropractor.  This is a big church of about, I'd say, a thousand people or so, a full live band, giant video screens- an impressive service, to say the least. 
   Despite the bright lights and beautiful stage, I must say, I was, in an extreme understatement, a bit disappointed, if not, offended by the sermon.  The way it was presented was just uncomfortable; they focused on all the negative aspects of humanity- much like a Catholic church- and posed a point stating that only by accepting Christ will you have a good life, and only through knowing Christ will you be all that you can be. That's not what bothered me. I can respect that. However, they then went into the subject of the somewhat less mainstream, unorthodox practices of Gnostic faith (seeking spiritual wisdom by taking bits and pieces of several religions and practices), saying that it is wrong, and to study such things along with Christianity is straying from the path of Righteousness; that  only through scripture and only through knowing Christ as God will you truly be saved.
  Never in my years have I heard a church shun this practice, and for a trans-denominational church, I would certainly not expect it from them.  But to my point.
  Now, for those who don't quite know my beliefs, I believe that there is a God, and I believe that the Bible is moreso a book parables rather than stories of fact.  I feel that it offers wonderful guidelines to live by and offers a great base to begin a spiritual journey.  Along with it, I read the Tao Teh Ching, which is an excellent book describing the balance of the universe and playing with the pardoxes of existence, good and evil, right and wrong, explaining how both sides of the spectrum offer balance- How one is all and all is one.  By recognizing this balance, and by seeing the good sprouting from the bad, one becomes more at peace with the Universe surrounding, and eventually reaches a permanent state of harmony through positive thinking, making you more aware of how infinite possibilties rest within each of us as we are all one.  The law of attraction plays a strong role in this.
  Science has proven that a thought has a frequency. Therefore, it can be measured, giving it substance and physical properties.  Positive thinking has a much stronger frequency than negative.  And as any physicist will tell you, a universe cannot exist without a mind entering into it.  Science has also proven, as professed by Rev. Michael Beckwith, D.D. of the Church of Agape, that DNA will actually shift as someone is praying or meditating.  A book called "The Secret" (also a documentary film) explains it in further detail, but I digress.
  The pastor of the church that I went to today, brought "The Secret" up in his sermon saying that it's an absolute disgrace that there are churches welcoming this book, as it "claims you can achieve anything without Christ".  What the pastor failed to do, is read the book rather than just a sentence of it, or he would have noticed that of the many philosophers that helped write the book gave credit to one infinite being.  If, by chance, he did read the book and was still upset that the actual name of Jesus was not mentioned (which He was),  he is saying that Christ is not God, being that these philosophers are lending credit to an infinite being a.k.a. God.
  What this pastor also failed to recognize, is that "The Secret" follows Jesus' scripture spot on, and it certainly does not take Jesus out of the equation. In fact, a big part of "The Secret" is showing gratitude constantly to the infinite power.  Jesus was always preaching of how every person can perform even greater miracles than Himself, and that  true  worship and praise is based off of gratitude, bringing about all that you wish to be.
  As far as the gnostic beliefs, the pastor didn't want to acknowledge that many scholars of religion, believe that in the several years that Jesus disappears from the bible he went and studied a bit of the Buddhist religion (clearly not all of them, being that they believe there is no God) and Taoism.  Being that I doubt this pastor has more knowledge than anyone else on Jesus' life, he can't negate that possibility.  So, considering all of these things, this pastor, by his own theory against gnostic beliefs, seems to be claiming that Jesus, Himself, was, in fact,  lost from the path of Righteousness, and furthermore, is saying that God is denying Itself a trip to the kingdom of Heaven.  Much like the Roman Empire, his theory- I call it theory, as it does not deserve the title of religion- seems to collapse upon itself, making it totally irrelevant.
   And this, my friends, is why I no longer go to church.

Currently reading : The Secret By Rhonda Byrne Release date: 28 November, 2006

8:04 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

LOL

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Shame

I met a beautiful girl
few years ago
one to rely on
she was.
I burnt her fingers
cause another burnt mine
I watched her run and cry
all because I couldn't see
that the past goes in the pages
but the story begs for hope.
I doubt you'll ever read this
Just know I never loved myself
only you.
and that was the problem...
wasn't it?
Shame.

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