for crying out loud
Current mood: tired

Me: Hi, how are you today, all thingamabobs are buy one get one free

Customer: Really?

Me: Nope, just kidding! Had you going there didn't I? That's how I amuse myself all day, I just make up sales and tell them to unsuspecting customers. 

(I didn't really say that. Wish I could)

Same customer, five minutes later, after I have walked away and continued my task: You work here?

Me: Nope, just like to hand out baskets and make up sales!

(see above)

Same customer: Where are your doodledandys?

Me: Right over here

I point and begin to walk toward the doodledandy fixture to be more specific

Customer: Where?

Me: Are you fucking kidding me? Do you not see me walking over to them? They're outside on the floor you dumb bitch, go out and get them so I can lock you out.

I'm tired :P

8:35 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Who's Blind?

So apparently someone needs to get me a cane for my birthday because I've recently developed blindness.

First of all, if you are going to try to use someone else's driver's license to get your ears pierced, don't be stupid enough to bring them in the damn store with you. And when I tell you point blank "This isn't you, it's him," please don't insult me with your lies and excuses. I am NOT blind, I can see this is your buddy even though he's over there trying to hide behind the earring trees.

Secondly, if you want to use someone else's credit card, make sure it's signed. Just telling me that it is signed does not make a signature magically appear. Honestly lady, we are both looking at the same card, there is no signature there, no matter how emphatically you tell me there is.

So anyways, just so everyone is clear, I do have the gift of sight, and yes, I will use it to make you look like an a-hole. EVERY FREAKING CHANCE I GET.

Your Mom's House.

6:14 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

By Request

Here you go Julie:

Dick In A Box

And of course:

Box In A Box

7:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

****Blog Removed*****

Sorry had to take out the fight song. Embedded that damn MP3 and couldn't find the script to take it out. Oops. Sorry for the annoyance :)

6:56 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Another Phaedra Story

I know I know, BORING. But oh well. You'll just have to deal with it because it's my blog damn it and I'll write what I want to.

So Bedu and I (that's Phaedra's nickname BTW, Bedu, pronouced BEE-do) were running around the house the other morning as per usual before I went to work. We had been in her room playing with her stuffed animals, but had moved back out to the much more exciting living room. Anyhow, the phone started ringing, so I was running around trying to find it. When I finally found it (underneath Phaedra's stuffed animals of course.) the caller had already hung up. I started to go find Bedu when I heard my cell phone ringing. I ran to get it (in the living room) and was talking when I realized "Hey, where's Bedu?" I hung up the phone (I was on it for like 5 seconds) and walked into the hall. No Bedu. So I went in her room. No Bedu. I walk back out in the hall and she is coming out of the bathroom with a bar of soap to her ear saying "Hewwwoooo" Guess she found "her" phone. I laughed and went to take if from her. Then I noticed little flecks of pink on her lips. Sure enough, upon further inspection the bar of soap had perfect Bedu teeth marks in it.

Damn it. If she likes to eat soap, how am I going to punish her for saying bad words?

Oh and P.S. to anyone who is interested, Phaedra will have a new sibling around June 16th. Just wanted to sneak that in here. Tehe.

7:59 AM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Random Ranting

Dear Customer -

When I tell you "All" of something is on sale (example, all of our widgits are buy one get one free), please don't ask me about every single widgit in the store.

Me: "All of our widgits are buy one get one free today!"

You: "They are? Are the ones over there included?"

Me: "ALL of our widgits are buy one get one free today!"

You: "Oh, well, what about this one?"

Me: "ALL of our widgits are buy one get one free today!"

You: "Wow, this one too??"

Me: "No actually that single one is not. Good thing you asked!" DUMBASS.

Please keep this in mind next time you are shopping. Oh, and one more thing.  If you are not standing in front of the cash register with all your merchandise on the counter and your money available, YOU ARE NOT READY TO CHECK OUT. Walking all the way to the front of the store where I am working to tell me you are ready is not neccessary. I'm not blind, and there are no corners in the store. I can see the register. WALK UP TO IT AND I WILL COME RING YOU UP.

You: (standing next to me at the very back of the store.) "I'm ready."

Me: "Oh you are? Well let me just whip out my pocket cash register and ring you up right here in the middle of the store to save your rich lazy ass from having to walk to the counter and wait five seconds like every other customer in the fucking store."

Thank you for your time.

8:02 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Check out this video: Script Ohio
Current mood: happy

Just wanted to share with all my Florida friends why they call the Ohio State Marching Band the "best damn band in the land!" You may think this video looks cool, but it's nothing compared to seeing it in person. Brings back so many good memories of being a little kid and going to the games with my dad. Enjoy!

Posted By:Matthew

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

11:38 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Grown out of the internet???
Current mood: bored

So I'm sitting here on Tuesday night, I had the day off today and I have the day off tomorrow (nice). Phaedra's sleeping, Aaron's sleeping, so I thought I would take advantage of this unusual situation and put in some good quality computer time.  So, I checked my e-mail. Nothing good. I checked my bank balance and paid the bills. Bo-ring. I got on facebook because someone I didn't know wanted to be friends with me. I got on here (myspace), no messages, comments, nothing. *Sigh*. So i closed internet explorer and opened up Real Arcade. I checked on my fish (Fish Tycoon), they're all dead because I haven't fed them in 4 days. I checked on my people (Virtual Villagers) they were apparently attacked by parrots in the last couple days, but they're fine now. I used up all the time left on my free demos. I actually considered playing the Playstation. Nothing excited me. I was just getting ready to go to bed when I decided to write this blog.

What is going on here? I'm BORED sitting at the computer?? What? What happened to those days in high school when I could sit on AIM for hours??? What happened to playing the Sims 2 or Family Feud or 8 hour stretches? Wasn't that me last week who was on the computer every ten minutes feeding my fish? And I just don't have the fucking patience to sit here and wait for these god damn myspace pages to load. My god! Have I --*gasp*-- out grown the internet????

Oh wait, I just remembered I need to buy leopard ears for my halloween costume (buycostumes.com). OOOO and look! The makers of Mystery Case Files have a new game on Real Arcade!

Gotta go!

5:47 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A Song For Mistreated Employees
Current mood: giggly

http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/194476/jokeid/57992

It speaks for itself. Classic.

P.S.  I must have looked hungry today, because a customer left me half a cool wrap. That was so thoughful. I wish they wouldn't have hid it under the wallets though, then maybe I'd have found it in time to eat while it was still in one piece. Oh well. Thanks Mr. Customer! Next time, please leave all food donations at your mom's house.

8:23 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Special Request

For all of you out there who have be clamoring for me to write a new blog, hope this makes your day.

Your Mom's House.

That's it. Something funny has to happen for me to write a good, entertaining blog! Not something just stupid, like the lady the other day who asked me to give her new one dollar bills instead of crumply ones, then returned her shit 10 minutes later and gave me a hard time about giving her a canadian penny. While this is slightly amusing, it is not blogworthy. But I guess I just wrote a blog about it, didn't I? Well shit. Thanks for forcing me into a craptastic blog fuckfaces.

Stay tuned.

Currently reading : 2006 North American Coins & Prices: A Guide To U.S., Canadian And Mexican Coins (North American Coins and Prices) By David C. Harper Release date: September, 2005

10:35 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment