MySpace is Foxalicious.

I'm curious if anyone has any opinions on this AP story about Rupert Murdoch's recent purchase of MySpace and the implications that some speculate may come with that: http://www.siliconvalley.com/mld/siliconvalley/12278133.htm

Seems to me that if MySpace at some point becomes uncomfortable in the future as a result of NewsCorp's entanglement with it, the simple solution is to just not use it. Perhaps some budding entrepreneur will have the foresight to launch a new friend network under a corporation free banner. We'll call it MySpace-Lite.You could use the old MySpace to market the new MySpace-Lite while at the same time using Old MySpace to start an anti-Old Myspace propaganda campaign. Constant inflammatory bulletins warning of the bleak future NewsCorp has in store for MySpacers combined with a fresh battery of anti-MySpace groups would help ensure the success of the new network while at the same time helping to discredit the old Myspace and publicly embarrass Mr. Murdoch. What'd be particularly swell is if this proposed scheme were actually successful and thus resulted in a shitty return on Mr. Murdoch's $580 million investment in MySpace. Just to bust Murdoch's balls, everyone on MySpace should elect to boycott NewsCorp and everthing under its umbrella. Start with Fox. It sucks anyway Ciao!

   -Deluxe

Update: Folks keep asking me if they should boycott MySpace. If you want to, fine, but I imagine very few people are willing to give up what they find convenient. My agenda isn't to bring down MySpace so much as it is to simply annoy Rupert Murdoch. Ever growing in popularity, MySpace has over 20 million members worldwide, and many of these members embody a set of values unique to the masses. The scope of this civil society is unprecedented, as is the potential for unified action amonst a sector of the culture whose voice is otherwise relatively and traditionally small. What MySpace offers is the opportunity for that voice to be heard. Let Rupert Murdoch hear it by turning the online community he owns into a breeding ground for unsavory speech about his character and intentions. If you're worried that his ownership will lead to censorship on MySpace, test his resolve by expressing your disaste for his media empire. How do you think he'll react if his image begins to suffer? The only way to find out is to try and force him to react. Do your best to make his acquisition of MySpace an embarrassment, and keep your fingers crossed that a news agency picks up the story. The ultimate triumph would be to see NewsCorp's competitors carrying a story NewsCorp itself won't touch.

   -Deluxe

4:26 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Join the Joey Deluxe Fan Club

Greetings everyone! Allison has been forward thinking enough to start up another branch of a JD fan club, so if anyone is interested in joining, you may do so at http://groups.myspace.com/joeydeluxe

I'll be posting writings, observations, and stories on there whenever I consider the timing to be appropriate. Best regards to you all!

  -Joey Deluxe

1:20 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

A word to the wise.

I was once quoted as saying that the purest method of judging a man is to sit down and get drunk with him. It's quite a treat to bask in the depths of the toxicity of a man's character and to delight yourself in his perversions. The most inspiring men are also the most devious men. And don't forget that sin adds color to one's personality and deception will get you far in life. How far do you really need to look to validate this philosophy? I need only look as far as the mirror...

Oh shit, cracked another one.

Carrying on, a beautiful man should be so complicated that the paradoxes in his character are both remarkable and utterly fascinating. He should be immaculately charming, yet repulsively sinister in his motivations. Women find this irresistible, and this is precisely why the nice guy never gets the girl...

He's boring.

As Oscar Wilde once observed, "Women love men for their defects, and if we have enough of them, they'll forgive us for anything, even our intellects." Trust me, he's right.

8:03 PM - 10 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

A phone call from Vincent Gallo

So I stumble in late the other evening and decide to check my messages, just to see if I'd missed anything interesting during the night. Message 57 was from one Vincent Gallo. Here's a transcript of his message:

Gallo (aggitated): Deluxe, it's Vincent, you there, man? Deluxe, you there? You're not avoiding me are you, Deluxe? Didn't I tell you not to do that? Huh? Didn't I tell you? Come on, pick up. Pick up the phone, you asshole! Deluxe, I got a new script, and it's good. You wanna know why it's good, Deluxe. Huh? You wanna know why it's good? Because I wrote it! Yeah, that's right, it's good, and I wrote it. It's gonna make me millions, Deluxe, millions, and you know what? People are gonna stop making fun of me. Yeah, that's right. People are gonna stop making fun of me, and they're gonna start making fun of you! You're gonna know how it feels, Deluxe, you're gonna know how it feels! You hear me, Deluxe?! Huh? You hear me, you prick!? Go to hell! *click*

Two messages later...

Gallo (pathetically apologetic): Hey Joey, it's Vincent, you there, man? You there, Joey? Umm...I'm sorry about yelling at you before...I didn't mean it, Joey, I didn't mean it. It's just...I mean, things haven't been going so well, you know? I haven't been getting a lot of work lately, and I need some money, Joey. I need some money to produce my next film. I was wondering if you could help me out. Not with money... well, maybe just a little, just a little bit of money Joey, just to get me by. And you know people, maybe you could, you know... talk to some people for me. Joey, I've been masturbating for money like you said I should; you said if a guy had talent... he could make a living at it. I don't know, I must not be any good, cuz I've only made about 50 bucks so far. Help me out, Joey? Huh? Help me out, would ya? See ya, man. *click*

Wow. I wouldn't help Vincent out even if it got me my soul back. Not that I think he does bad work, but rather, it's fun to watch him suffer. He's just so good at it!

8:38 AM - 7 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Are you fashion impaired? These tips may help.

There are only two types of people in the world: those with taste, and everyone else. Therefore, those of us who have been endowed with a degree of respect and admiration that places us beyond critique must bear the unfair burden of telling everyone else what to do and how to think. :yawn:

Such deficiencies in artistic sensibilities are often comorbid with a host of other personality disorders, ranging in severity from mild stupidity to compulsive butt licking. Fortunately, there are treatments, the efficacies of which are tragically unpredictable and have been known to vary on a case by case basis. Some people may want to take notes.

If you constantly find yourself three steps behind Donatella Versace, suicide has been declared a clinically proven cure by several prestigious peer reviewed journals. While not yet FDA approved, this method of treatment has been widely prescribed in Europe for over 10 years with a success rate of 100%

Next, if you're suffering from dressing like a shameless slut, the cause is usually the result of a deficiency in validation from your father. Prescription: prostitution. This treatment is only recommended for use for periods of two years or less, and it may take up to 6 months of continuous abuse to see results. After treatment, the emotional anguish and mental torment you have endured will sharpen your sensibilities as the overwhelming sense of guilt and shame will compel you to cover your sins with more clothing.

Finally, if you're an aspiring celebutant who just needs a nudge in the right direction, a look of weakness in the eyes and the corners of the mouth will lend an indefinable charm to your personality. Men will find you both vulnerable and easy to take advantage of, qualities which are sure to catapult a young ingenue to the highest levels of fame and fortune. Just look at Paris Hilton!

I truly hope some people find this advice helpful, and please be sure to leave your personal testimonies in the form of comments so that others may make an educated decision as to which method of treatment will work best for them. Ciao.

9:41 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I probably hate you.

Steve from Hollywood asks, "Hey Deluxe, why so discriminate?" The answer is, "Because I'm not retarded." Odds are, the guy or girl you're dating, your best friends, your parents; they're all jerks once you really get to know them. That's right. Know them long enough, and you'll find that they're insincere, dishonest, manipulative, devious, repulsive, and ultimately, an immaculate recipe of everything you find distaseful. That's why I say, hate everyone, and that way you'll never be wrong. Be sure not to let anyone get too close to you, and always employ the most fashionable of poses. This way you can gain people's trust, which in turn makes them easier to exploit. And don't forget use your flaws to draw on the sympathy of others, and to advance your particular needs and desires. That's what I do, and look at me! I've got the girl of your dreams, and everything you could ever want. And may I add, don't be jealous... it bores me.

8:58 PM - 4 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Looking for a date for Valentine's Day?

Keep looking.

2:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Don't talk to me.

I'm tired of all these bottom-feeders nibbling at me. Everywhere I go, I get, "Hey Deluxe, will you direct my film?" or "Deluxe, will you guest star on my record?" And I always have to answer, "Sorry, but I don't want to get crap on me." If I did, I'd start answering Scarlett Johansson's phone calls. How about this, instead of using me as the spring board for launching a lackluster film career as a second rate Sofia Coppola, try your hand at sleeping with as many washed up and out of work Hollywood misfits as possible. Quite a few come to mind who are looking to take advantage of an idealistic and naive young screenwriter who's never even succeeded at pitching a script to a half retarded junkie they tripped over in an alley while taking the shortcut to their favorite faux hipster coffee house. Emilio Estevez isn't a bad place to start, and I'm sure he'd be happy to put in a good word for you with Paul Gleason. Just don't ask me to introduce you.

3:01 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

That's rude.

Some people say I'm too judgmental. As if that's a bad thing! So a friend of mine introduces me to this jerk the other day. She begins by telling me he's a "cool guy," like maybe I'm having trouble sizing this pompous prick up for myself. And then she has the audacity to add that he's an astrologist. Well there's a quick way to pique my interest. Yeah right. Naturally, I want to find out just how cool this guy is. So I say, "Hey Copernicus, can you predict what I'm going to be doing to your girlfriend tomorrow night?" Copernicus, because he's smart, naturally has no idea what the hell I'm talking about, so I lean in close to tell him about a tasteless little scenario I've cooked up involving me, her, his mom, a garden hose, and an electric juicer. Did Copernicus respond in a mature, adult-like manner? Absolutely not! He lost his shit and punched me in the sack! If he's such a cool guy, why did he fly into a blind rage not less than a minute after I met him?! If anything, I'm not judgmental enough. Next time I meet a "cool guy," he can expect a punch in the sack right off the bat. Girls, watch out; a punch in the ovaries isn't any better, or so I'm told.

9:14 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment