Running

Running short of breaths to take

Not knowing how to deal

Feeling as if life is starting to break

Not knowing how you truely feel

The ones closest to you just seem to repeatedly letdown

And yet you know the skies will eventually turn blue

But this moment, this moment you frown

Knowing that all those closest to you, are only a few

Reaching out

Reaching out for something to hold onto

But what lingers in your soul is doubt

Sitting at a fork in the road, and not knowing what road to persue

But the truth is, for every breath you take

For every step that you take

It doesn't matter about that mistake

As long as you're not fake

Stay true to you

And someday.... someday the grey sky will turn blue

6:06 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Rules For Being Human
Category: Life

6:00 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of HAPPINESS
Current mood: jolly like Santa, cept unlike Santa, I’m blad, lol
Category: jolly like Santa, cept unlike Santa, I’m blad, lol Life

     I’m not sure how you all feel, but in my eyes, here, in the U S of A, I feel we live in such a Beautiful place! I feel we have so much freedom, so much so that a lot of us abuse it, take advantage of it, and truely don’t know what we have. We are so lucky!!!

     I feel that sometimes we don’t know what we have, and sometimes allow sadness/depression to overwhelm us. I’m not saying that the problems some have are not problems or they are not something to be sad about. I am far from taking away from our troubles, our sadness, and I also don’t look down on those that are depressed or are saddened by some things. It’s just that sometimes we don’t truely realize how bad others have it, the things they have to sacrifice, the lack of freedom they have.... and some, some of them don’t complain about what they "don’t" have, probably because they don’t know better, they are grateful for the things they have, and cherrish what they have, even if it is very little.

     No one ever said life is easy, or life would be easy. There are so many rollercoasters we have to ride, there are many ups, and many downs, and I realize sometimes the downs just seam like they will never end, but they will, trust me!

     The main thing in life we must know, the main thing we have to keep in mind, is that we have to remain positive, no matter how hard, no matter how sad things in our lives may seem. In some cases it’s the path we choose that keeps us down, the environment we surround ourselves in.... and as hard as it is to change it, and as afraid you may be of change, to be Happy, to turn our lives around, we have to change our surroundings, e have to distance ourselves from the things we find comfortable, especially if they are not positive things, or people.

     Life is a struggle, it’s a challenge, and no matter how hard you try you won’t always be "riding high"!

     One thing I have learned in life is to find the positive in the saddness, in the negative. There is and always be positive in negative, even if it’s just learning from your mistake or mistakes(or other’s mistakes), that is a positive, in my eyes, learning from them is one of the very positive positivenesseses.

     I am often looked at awkwardly because I find the positive in the negative, you too can see it, it’s there, trust me on that, it may be hard to see, and sometimes you may have to look hard, sometimes you may have to look deep, sometimes it may seem like it’s not there, but it is, it’s there, you’ll find it, it may take looking deep into your soul..... but it’s there, if I can see it, you can too!

     Life is so very hard, but if you live the life you love, you’ll love the life you live

     I know/knew some who have given up, and I don’t and never would look down at them, I know the sadness, I know it well, and i know i may have not been through, been put through, or put myself through some of the things some have been through, but i have been through a lot, and have wanted to just "give up", but I didn’t, I couldn’t.... i know, I trust that no matter how hard it gets, or how hard it may get, I feel it, deep, deep in my soul that it will get better... and it’s not something that often happens overnight, it is often something we have to work on, something we have to work through to get where we want to go.

     The struggles we go through, well.... those are what make us who we are, it’s what makes us original, it’s what makes us who we will become..... and if..... if we learn from those struggles, those mistakes, we become strong... I feel that sometimes we don’t know how strong we truely are.... you are strong..... no matter how weak you may feel at times, it’s inside you, it may be deep, and it may be hidden, but it’s there, inner strength will always be there, sometimes you just have to find it, and sometimes it may take someone else, someone dear to you to realize it’s there....

ok, idk, but I seem to keep blabbing on... and truthfully I could go on forever, and i know i have written so many other blogs just like this... but I find Happiness in making others Happy, i find it in doing for others... even if I only open one person’s eyes, even if I only direct one person, helping them to go in the right direction... well... that makes me HAPPY

enough blabbing tonight, but reading a blog earlier, well... it somewhat drove me to write something, although very similar to many other blogs I have written in the past, I just wish you all the best, you and all those you love!!!

again.......... I wish you all, and all those you love, the very best, and that’s something that will never..... ever.... ever change!!!!!!!

no matter how lonely, no matter how sad you may feel, you always have someone here for you.... even if that someone is just me!

7:14 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Doorway of my Dreams
Current mood: blessed
Category: Writing and Poetry

While burning some cd's friday night I picked up an old journal of mine to write down the songs to each cd. Upon opening it I found something I wrote almost exactly a year ago. I decided to finish it, the first three lines are what I wrote last year........

I stand in the doorway of my dream

Admiring the Angel before me

Her hazel green eyes travel like a stream

Into my heart, setting me free

So graceful as she moves

Possessing such stunning Beauty

So many lives she improves

Compassionately helping others, as if it were her duty

So blessed for having met her

Even if only in a dream, yet it is Real

It is pure

If mere words could express better how I feel

8:36 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Can You Imagine(Finished)
Current mood: blessed
Category: Writing and Poetry

While hanging out with a very dear friend I care an aweful lot about I heard "If Everyone Cared" by Nickelback, I love that song anyway, but this time something came to me, something that never came to me before. Funny thing is she had thought about it in the same way before, so I said maybe your thoughts lingered in your car and came to me, because I had never thought of it this way before today.

As I was listening to the lyrics of the song, mainly the chorus;

 "If everyone cared and nobody cried
  If everyone loved and nobody lied
  If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
  Then we'd see the day when nobody died"

It came to me, what if we all did share.... think about it

    There would be no classes, no one would be better than the other

    Certain professions would not be done by those just in it for the money, they'd be doing it for the love of it, actually making them better, for instance, teachers, only those who truely cared about teaching would teach, and especially doctors, that profession would not be persued because of the paycheck, but for the love of it.

    Along the same lines about the doctors, there would be no restraints because of money to try to cure cancer and other life threatening diseases!!!

    Yes I know that would be drastic just doing away with money, but truthfully it is the root of all evil, and I know, I know, the rich wouldn't like it at all, but you know what, do people really need 11 cars and 6 mansions????? I mean, honestly.......

    Crime would be pretty much gone, if someone needed something, it was given to them, land would be divided equally, there would be nothing to fight over, well, speaking of land, money etc, if someone disrespected someone you loved in any way, then yes, I'm not condoning fighting even in that situation, but I can totally understand it, and I could never say I would not fight for the ones I love either..... ok I got off track, anyway, it just got me thinking, and then when she told me she thought the same way before it, well, I don't know, she has just as huge a heart as I do, if not bigger..... ok

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a Beautiful New Year, I don't exactly know what it is, and I've never truely fealt this way before, but this upcoming year is going to be such a Beautiful one!!!!

If Everyone Cared

             by Nickelback

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
(I'm alive)

[Chorus x2]

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died
When nobody died...

[Chorus]

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

1:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Warmth
Current mood: blessed
Category: Writing and Poetry

The Warmth

         by Incubus

I'd like to close my eyes, go numb
but there's a cold wind coming from
the top of the highest high-rise today.
It's not a breeze 'cause it blows hard.
Yes and it wants me to discard the humanity I know,
watch the warmth blow away.

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow old.

So do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear?
Or should I hold my head up high
and throw a wrench in spokes by
leaving the air behind me clear?

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you go.

So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you grow old.

Before you grow old.
Where did it go?

1:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Original
Current mood: geeky

Rain washes away all the worries of the soul

Also reminding you of what you miss

is taking it's toll

All you can seem to do is reminisce

Sinking into a hole

Falling deep into an abyss

Beginning to lose control

Just because of that you miss

Balling up everything you can

Pushing it deep, deep inside

Been doing so ever since it all began

Seems as if you only need a guide

Seems as if you only need a plan

Needing someone in which you can confide

If we all only had that angel up above

Some Seemingly searching the ends of the Earth

Looking for that one to love

Searching for answers, for what life's worth

But it will be ok

Have faith in that

You will see some day

Just don't forget where you are at

Don't forget to pray

Don't forget where you have come from

Live, Love, and Learn, Everyday

And just see, just see what you become!

hahahaha, posted at 1:43, that rocks, well, started at 1:43 anyway!!! lol

And this is the original to "Too Close to the Edge"....

I wash away the sin,

All the evin and pain held within,

I plunge the dagger deep into my heart,

This painful, yet Beautiful world I slowly depart.

I share just because, well, just because I know I am not the only one to have felt this before, and I won't be the last. You can judge if you want, to be honest, it doesn't bother me, I have been judged all my life, and you know what, whateva....

I wish you all the best in this time of joy, in this time of sadness, I wish you all the best this Holiday Season, take care, spread joy and love to all those around you, and maybe, just maybe it will catch on to someone who isn't so joyous this time of year.

listening to "Pure Shores" by All Saints, if you've seen the movie "The Beach" you know it, if you don't know the movie, check it out... ok, wishing you all the best!!!

10:43 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Up on a Hill
Current mood: tired
Category: Writing and Poetry

Laying up on a hill

Gazing out into the infinite ocean

Pondering about what you will

Knowing everything, yet having no notion

All that seems to matter is the setting of the sun

Disappearing out of sight

No care in the world, none

The sun sets into night

Stars begin to shine

Stars shine so Beautifully bright

Thoughts insue of life's design

Thoughts so profound they begin to ignite

A shooting star glides through the sky

Reminding you of how small you are

So many questions, most begin with Why?

But none of that matters here, just the star

Leaving a trail of light

Crashing down on us

Yet something about that is so calming, making things alright

Life seems to be so short, so there is no room for fuss

Realizing everything you need is in your hands

In your heart

Life like an hour glass, gazing at the falling sands

Life so Beautiful it is art

Laying up on a hill

Gazing out into the infinite sky

Do what you will to fulfill

And, and maybe, stop asking why

11:35 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

No Regrets
Current mood: numb
Category: Life

This is something I tend to preach a lot, No Regrets! I sincerely believe in that too! But yesturday I started questioning it....

I was informed in the morning that my Great Grandmother(91) had a severe stroke. After hearing that I almost broke down comletely. The Dr.'s thought that she was going to have severe brain damage if not worse. Luckily my cousin Kara was home from Spain(and all over Europe), where she went to finish writing a book, if it weren't for her being home, well.... who knows, and to be honest, I don't want to talk about it.....

Gram is now pulling through with what seems to be no paralysis...... Thank God.... If it weren't for Gram being so strong..... Gram is such a sweet, wise, Beautiful(little) person! Luckily too, she is a very healthy person...

Before finding out she is starting to do well, I began beating myself up(what's new huh?). On Thanksgiving instead of spending it with Gram and my family I stayed home, not feeling too well. I began thinking what if? While working though I realized, no regrets, NONE, although I may  not have spent Thanksgiving with them all, I have been blessed to spend a lot of great time with her. And to be honest, I had a very quiet, peaceful Thanksgiving, and later on that day I got to spend some time with two people I care very much about!

I am not perfect... far from it to be honest. I have made so many mistakes in my life, some could say I have ruined a large part of my life! I have set myself back so many years.... but I can't take any of that back. I don't look down on those who regret certain things in their life, but honestly it's not worth it. Don't dwell on it, don't live in the past... if you do, how can you live in the now, how can you move on into the future? Please, no regrets, please learn from the things you've done wrong, learn from your mistakes and make your future better, make life better in the present.

Like I just said, I am far from perfect, there are things I should/could have done better, many things.....

I could have been a better son, I could have been a better brother, I could have been a better friend, I could have been a better person, and what gets me the most sometimes, I could have been a better boyfriend, especially to one! She especially is one of the most Beautiful creatures I have ever been blessed to meet, to spend time with, to talk to, to give advice to, to take advice from, to caress, to kiss, to Love!

Sometimes I think she did herself a Huge favor. I think those who broke up with me all did themselves a favor. To those who I broke up with, well I think I did them a favor. And to those I didn't let get close enough, well... they're better off. I am a dependant person, happiness to me is making someone else happy, doing for someone else. We only get so many chances in Life, in Love, I occasionally think maybe my chances of Love are gone..... if so, I will always have my memories....

I got off track, sorry.... I honestly just want to help some with this, no regrets, you can always make things better, you just need to learn from what you've done wrong, stear clear of those mistakes, stay positive, and I promise your present, as well as your future will be a much better place. There will always be heartache, there will always be pain in life, but the more you learn, the more you grow, you will be a lot better off, you will be stronger, so when you experience pain in life, you will be better prepared to deal with it.

And please, Please do yourself a favor.... if you are in Love, and that special someone Loves you, and is in Love with you, don't let it slip through your hands! Do what is best for you, for your future, and I promise, if they Love you they will repect that, and Love you more for it, because doing what is best for you is, in the end, what is best for you both.... Don't make the same mistakes I have.....

Love is the most Amazing, Beautiful feeling/thing, it is so often undescribable........

listening to "Broken" by Everlast

You're the air that i breathe
You're the sun when it breaks through the clouds
You're all that i need, but i know that you're having some doubts
I'm down on my knees
I'm praying you'll stick this out
I'm beggin you please girl
I'm sorry i let you down

I'm broken like a promise
I'm shattered like a dream
I'm broken with all my pieces scattered round for you to see
I'm broken like a record
I sing the same old song
I'm broken like a heart of a man that's run away from love too long
Girl what about you
What about you girl

It's so hard to speak
I can barely look you in the eye
It's so hard to breath
But i know i ain't afraid to die
Your breath is so sweet
Your kisses could get me high
My heart is so weak
Girl your lovin could get me by

I'm broken like a promise
I'm shattered like a dream
I'm broken with all my pieces scattered round for you to see
I'm broken like a record
I sing the same old song
I'm broken like the heart of a man that's run away from love too long
Girl what about you
What about you girl

I'm broken like a promise
I'm shattered like a dream
I'm broken with all my pieces scattered round for you to see
I'm broken like a record
I sing the same old song
I'm broken like the heart of a man that's run away from love too long
Girl what about you
What about you girl

Girl what about you
What about you girl
Girl what about you

and "Better than Me" by Hinder

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

2:38 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Too Close to the Edge
Current mood: grateful
Category: Writing and Poetry

I've noticed the distance in your eyes,

Presenting yourself to everyone with lies.

Happiness you can not feel,

Through this action, your fate, you will seel.

You want to be set free,

Yet you hide, you tell people, "Don't worry about me."

You wash away the sin,

All that evil and pain held within.

You plunge the dagger deep into your heart.

This painful, yet BEAUTIFUL world you slowly depart.

Now I will never know the trouble you have seen,

Now you have washed your slate clean.

Leaving it all behind,

But this you can not rewind.

Leaving everyone behind,

To their feelings you have turned your back, you are blind.

As you near the light, you begin to see everything from your past,

The pain of leaving it all is unbearable, how long will it last?

You realize giving up was never a solution,

Your mind full of doubt, hate, depression, pollution.

Closing in on the light,

Yet it is too late for all this incite.

It feels as if you have been struck by lightning,

All your achievments, all your failures, enlightening.

Slowly you open your eyes,

Looking out your window at the sunrise.

Realizing it was all just a dream,

So Happy you almost scream!

Ready to Love the life you are living,

All the pain you have inflicted on yourself doesn't matter, you are forgiving!

What are you going to do a lot of?

LOVE!!!

finished :o), but definitely not one of my favs.....

wishing you and all those you love the best!!!!

11:42 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment