Anchors Aweigh
Current mood: Less Than Confident

What is your anchor?
I'm not talking about that which grounds you, keeps you from flying off in the face of adversity. I'm talking about what anchors you in one spot and prevents you from moving on, becoming all you were meant to be. Something that chains you to your past or something that is more a prison than a present.
You know what it is. You look in the mirror and think about it every day. You've found out everything you need to know about changing your life. But you haven't changed anything.
You make excuses. Justify your inaction, paralysis. Is it easier than doing what needs to be done? Not really. Are you more comfortable staying with what's familiar, what you've grown accustomed to? Hell no!
Then what is keeping your feet planted firmly in place?
You can't afford it, or, you're too old to change? Bullshit!

Personally, I'm going back to drinking caffeinated beverages. I haven't been the same since I quit.

Currently listening : Georg Frideric Handel: ''Oxford'' Water Music / Plus chamber works performed on period instruments by Corelli, Geminiani and Leclair Release date: 2004-03-22

2:15 PM - 16 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

‘The Wild Horse Is Us’
Current mood: savage
Category: News and Politics

http://www.newsweek.com/id/144279

An advocate of the American West's mustangs blasts a proposed government policy to cull the herds.

Grab your ankles, folks. It's only a matter of time. Don't think this is the only herd about to be culled.

12:38 PM - 10 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Do You Like Gladiator Movies?
Current mood: Politically Aware
Category: Politically Aware Games

Before the construction of the permanent buildings used for gladiator combat, the forum area was the theater used for the games. These gatherings began in 122 B.C. Reserved stands for respected spectators were constructed around the piazza (square) of the Roman Forum, excluding the poor classes. These exclusive stands were eventually destroyed by Gaius Gracchus, winning him the political support of the common people.
Caesar was famous for the magnificient games he organized. He also established a reputation as a generous friend to the public. Besides using the games as a political strategy, he had a true passion for them. The people were grateful to him and repaid him with honor and positions of power.
The public became more demanding with time, and began organizing even more costly and magnificent performances. Octavian Augustus, adopted son of Caesar and prince of Rome, organized games where 10,000 men battled against 3,500 wild animals from Africa. Also, in 107 A.D., Trajan, organized battles of over 10,000 gladiators that lasted 123 festival days and in which 11,000 wild animals were killed. This record was never to be exceeded.
The majority of gladiators were prisoners of war and slaves that were obligated to fight in order to survive. Also, sentenced criminals were brought to the arena to be almost certainly killed by sword-"ad gladium", or by wild animals-"ad bestias". Rather, the autocrats, who had free choice to fight, scorned danger and were only interested in becoming rich with prizes. Some of them were seen as heroes and were worshipped by the people.
There was Caligula, who made the games too violent and abusive, as if there wasn't enough violence and abuse. He sent innocent people from the public to battle because the gladiators were being killed off too fast. They had their tongues cut out so they couldn't yell for help.

Circus:
On Monday, April 21, George W. Bush made a taped cameo appearance on the popular television game show, Deal Or No Deal. There was a 19 point drop in their ratings for that night.

Bread:
This week, the first tax "relief, rebate, whatever the fuck they are being called" deposits are going out. Make sure you do what's right for your country.

The political arena in this country is as the gladiator arena in ancient Rome. Controlling the masses with their games and their pitiful antics. But with a far more insidious method. In Rome, the game was in your face, right in front of your eyes. Now, here, the seductive message comes not through being controlled by the game itself, but through another source, the corporate media.

...iam pridem, ex quo suffragia nulli uendimus, effudit curas; nam qui dabat olim imperium, fasces, legiones, omnia, nunc se continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat, PANEM ET CIRCENSES...
Juvenal, Satire X

...Already long ago from when we sold our vote to no man,
the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time
handed out military command, high civil office, legions-everything, now
restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things:
BREAD AND CIRCUSES

The message is still the same . We have gotten lazy and allowed someone else to do our thinking for us. We are not in control of our lives or what happens in our government, unless we do our civic duties, the first of which is to PAY ATTENTION to what is happening right in front of our eyes.

Every day it gets a little harder to distinguish the bread from the circus. Don't eat everything they're trying to feed you. Don't look at the world through somebody else's eyes. There's more than one news source out there.

If you're reading this, you have almost infinite resources available to you when it comes to news and information. Use them. Stop watching the 6 o'clock news. Television is a mind numbing House of Mirrors.

Remember Caligula. He won't be the last one to throw his people to the lions.


Listening To:
Isolate
by
Circus Maximus

12:15 PM - 12 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

The Absence Of Passion
Current mood: Passionate

Passion (from the Latin patior, meaning to suffer or to endure) is an emotion of feeling very strongly about a person. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything and often requiring action. Passion often applies to lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love.
Passion can be expressed as a feeling of unusual excitement or enthusiasm about a subject, idea, person, or object.

An experience:

I am driven to paint, and have also become quite passionate about writing. The writing bug comes and goes. But I am always painting something. I have several unfinished paintings, but I had to start them. Images burn in my mind like a flame until I lay them down in front of my eyes.
I don't paint for anyone but myself. It is the same with writing, unless I am writing a letter to someone. Yes, I still write letters. Not emails. Handwritten missives to family and friends, poison pen letters, manifestos, etc.
I am fortunate to have found something that I am so passionate about, and make the time in my life to pursue those passions.
There was a time, after a personal loss, that I stopped painting for many years. I seemed to have lost my ability, or was it the drive, the passion, I was missing? I always carried watercolors or oil pastels and paper with me, hoping something would stoke my flame. It took a fever of 104 to light my fire. But once it was rekindled, I did 5 paintings in the first two weeks.
It was unbearable to think I would never paint again. That I would never feel that passion or level of emotional intensity again.......

A study - A theory:

In psychology,  there is the theory of Passion Paradox in romantic relationships. According to this theory, one partner is more in love - or emotionally invested in the relationship - than the other. The more love the loving partner wants from the other, the less the other feels like giving. The more in love partner is in the one down position, while the less in love partner occupies the one up position.
Virtually everyone experiences love's two sides in the same way (pleasure and pain). No one is exempted from the pain of love when it tips out of balance. In this context, love relationships would produce a paradox : "one downs" try harder as they feel insecure and want to get back in control. They attempt to enhance their attraction power. The goal is to gain emotional control over the relationship as to avoid rejection. But the catch is : if you prove too appealing to the one you want - to the point where the other person is clearly more in love with you - the relationship will fall out of balance.
It would seem that the very urge to  attract someone, to bring another person under emotional control, contains the potential for upsetting the balance of the relationship. This is due to the fact that the feeling of being in love is biochemically linked to the feeling of being out of control. Once you feel completely in control or sure of another person's love, your feelings of passion begin to fade.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

An observation:

Skip the psychology, let's talk biology for a minute.
What attracted you in the first place? The way he/she looked, smelled, the sound of their voice? Did they brush up against you in a not all that crowded room? It wasn't love at first sight, it was a chemical reaction.
Ideally, we would all wait until we were in love before we crossed the 1200 thread count barrier. But we're talking biology, remember? Reality.
In the beginning, the sex is indescribable (although I know someone who disproves that theory), the passion, all-encompassing. You want to be together all the time, and when you're not, you think about one another.
Then something changes. You find yourself wanting to spend more time with your friends , or your dog, or your sock and panty drawer. You feel as if the passion is fading out of your relationship. But when you're together, it still feels just as good as the first time. What the hell is goin' on?
You're becoming more transparent, people. Someone is stepping back and seeing through the hormonal haze. It's time to take a deep physical breath, and place your fingers on the emotional pulse of your relationship. It's time to show your human side. This could be the turning point in the relationship. You can turn and run, or you can turn up the volume on your heart and mind and start to listen to what is happening to you emotionally. Unless you were only in it for the sex, then you've already stayed too long. I'd be getting the hell out of there right now.

I don't believe physical passion and emotional passion are mutually exclusive. But what do I know? I'm as much in the dark about this as anybody.

2:43 PM - 11 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

My Own Separate Reality
Current mood: happy

I was looking for materials to start a sculpture yesterday, and came across an interesting cache of supplies left to me by my late father in law. He was a fisherman. A fly fisherman to be more specific. He tied and made his own flies.
Hand tied flies are a beautiful art form, unlike the machine tied, mass produced product you would find in WalMart or any sporting goods store.
I was given all his fly fishing equiptment, including all the materials he had accumulated to make future flies. I had never gone fly fishing with him, but had always shown an interest. I had, however, gone on a few "regular" fishing trips with him. The sit in the rocking boat until you puke type that always seemed to end up on hours of  family video that were as shaky as I was at the end of every vacation. He held no patience for the motion sick on those trips, but could sit for hours with me tying flies and talking about going to Colorado to show me what fishing was all about. We never made it there. But I do have yards of badger, elk and deer hair, and a flair for the bizarre when it comes to connecting the unconnectable.

Recently, I have found myself reaching out for something that is not only out of my range, but quite possibly not even there. That isn’t unusual for me. As an artist, I tend to reach into my ego / imagination / intellect to build on nothing until it becomes whatever I want it to be, or whatever it needs to be. Then I accept it, like it or not, and move on with my life. Today I stop reaching. I am working with what I already have. I am accepting what comes to me, or doesn’t. And if I need to, I will be moving on with my life.

When I was going  through the fly making materials yesterday, I found an old photo of myself. I thought about where I was at that point in my life and how I’m not that much different. I’m older, not a helluva lot wiser. Probably not any happier. And here I sit thinking what it could have been like if I hadn’t come along too late. Or it was another time, or we weren’t so afraid to do what’s right. Or I wasn’t at this fucking crossroads in my life.......
Looking at that photo, I finally connected the unconnectable. Me with myself. Amid the feathers and the badger hair, I finally found what I was looking for. Peace.

Currently listening : Closer to Home By Grand Funk Railroad Release date: 27 August, 2002

5:17 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Daylight Saving Time
Current mood: enraged
Category: Life

Saturday night I pushed my clocks forward to meet the daylight saving time requirement. This time, it was three weeks or one month earlier than in the past. I can no longer keep track.
The knuckleheadhead in chief has destroyed U.S. credibility worldwide, sunk the economy to a new low from which we may never recover, and "Now what else can I dick around with? Aha, American circadian rhythm!" That's right, I blame Bush.
But what really pisses me off is when someone says, "Now we have one more hour of daylight." IDIOTS! No we don't. It's still a 24 hour day. The day did not magically extend to 25 hours just because the president or some other moron of the past said so. We may have an extended period of light at the end of the day, BUT THAT"S ALL. No extra hour to shop, or get your nails done, or the all important talking on your cell phone in the public restroom stall next to the one I'm in. Ahem.
I'm still trying to recover from Saturday night. I'm just going to crawl back under the covers and hope my meds take hold sometime before we have to fall back later this year. I'm takin' my time.........

Currently listening : Hangover Music, Vol. 6 By Zakk Wylde's Black Label Society Release date: 20 April, 2004

7:17 AM - 7 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Shed My Skin
Current mood: numb
Category: Life

It started small, on a tabletop. A fourteen inch mound of clay. My first sculpture.
At first I worked it as if it were my job. Then, I found that if I just closed my eyes and ran my hands along it, it felt more meaningful and personal. I also found that I needed more clay, and I started adding other things to it as well. Impressions from fallen leaves, military dog tags from a dear departed friend, small meaningless gifts from exes......anything that made me sad or pissed me off.
Soon, I found I was no longer turning on the light whenever I worked on it. If I found an imperfection in the clay or my life, I worked on the sculpture. Layers of clay and things, fear, frustration, sadness.
I sculpted......me. Heavily armored. Multi layered. Sometimes deep, and as of yesterday, heavy as hell. As I dusted, and lifted the me thing, well, you know what happened. And so did I. In a million pieces. Both of us.
And for one moment, one millisecond, when I thought I might have touched whatever it is I've been seeking/hiding my entire life, my brain/mind/soul hiccupped and I thought......After you peel away all the layers, when you reach the soft, sweet center, does the onion cry?

A bitter sinking feeling
Awake to the fact there's no going back
To this world in which I was living
I'm searching for something but found less than nothing

It seems I've ~Shed My Skin

Alter Bridge

Currently listening : One Day Remains By Alter Bridge Release date: 10 August, 2004

11:41 AM - 13 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Communication Breakdown
Current mood: exhausted

The Age Of Communication. What has it done for us? How much are we really communicating?
The subtle nuances of body language. We can all read them, however unconciously. But they are always subject to interpretation.
We have written language, we read, but nobody ever seems to be on the same page. We communicate by e mail and instant message. But you lose the expression of character and personality afforded by body language.
We speak by telephone, blah, blah, blah. Do we really say anything?
We stand face to face, talking and talking, debating our point. When did language become so one sided? Have we lost our hearing?

IS ANYBODY LISTENING?

I've heard, religion is the opium of the masses, television is the opium of the masses.
I believe language is the opium of the masses, and our brains have become so intoxicated with it, so addled by it that we no longer have the ability to listen to one another. That we are so high on the sound of our own voices, that we can no longer hear what someone else has to say.
The voice in my head is no longer my own, I no longer recognize it. Who am I taking orders from?

Nobody is guiltier of talking too much and saying absolutely nothing than I am.
It's time to shut the fuck up, people. Start listening to the silence.
Our ability to communicate is equal to our ability to miscommunicate. And, yes, I've done that, too.

9:45 PM - 10 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Identity
Current mood: Aware

                                                    Identity

I am a twisted fuse of crackling nerves, staring eyes in darkest night
I am the cycle of the moon, moving vast seas
I am the dog, mourning the loss of all "racial memory"
I am a fool, to think I am alone with these thoughts

In this we are the same. All people are the same. If we could only acknowledge our similarities, our differences would be easier to accept.
Instead we wonder, question our existence. To define ourselves is to defile our very being.
We cloak our true identities, for fear of judgement. In this we are the same. All people are the same.
We are one. A part of the universal cycle. A part of all that is good and pure on this earth. We are a part of one another. A part of our past, and the future. In this we are the same.

7:45 AM - 11 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Maybe If I Open My Mind
Current mood: Hazy

Each step is one step closer to understanding how I reached this point in my  life. Why am I taking the risks I have now decided to take?
I feel as if I am flying one minute, and falling the next. There is no safety net beneath me. I am on my own.
I now know I am one of three pieces in a much larger puzzle. Two of the pieces seem to fit. But now, the third, and perhaps, the most important, seems to be lost. I have yet to figure out if the loss is part of the puzzle, or necessary for it's completion. Or if the missing piece was only meant to bring the other two pieces together. The two that fit, what is their purpose?
After 48 hours awake, last night I slept. I was awakened from a nightmare by my own screaming. This existential self-examination has found me on the very edge. But is this edge the end of something, or only the beginning?
Maybe if I open my mind, my vision will be less clouded by the urgency I feel to connect the pieces of this puzzle, and I'll be able to see my way through to the next step on my journey to self awareness.

Currently listening : Metamorphosis By Iron Butterfly Release date: 14 December, 1993

5:27 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The Conqueror Worm
Current mood: fascinated

Today I have spent my day reading about great conquerors in history. What can I say? I'm tired of shoveling snow. And I thought I was going to take a break from the political freak show that is all this election year has yet to offer. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I conquered my first and favorite, Attila the Hun, Scourge of God. The Huns were so barbaric, they didn't use fire. They simply ate raw meat they found laying around in dead animal carcasses. I prefer my animal carcasses medium rare. Attila was King of the Huns from A. D. 434 to 453. He was married seven times.
As a young warrior, Attila was captured and released by the Romans, and vowed to return to Rome victorious as king. For five years from A. D. 445 to 450 he devasted the eastern Roman empire, destroying anything in his path between the Rhine and the Caspian Sea. In 451 he amassed perhaps the largest army in the history of the world until that time, a total of half a million men. He  quickly conquered Gaul (France) and devasted any European city in his path.
He wasn't stopped until the Visigoths and Romans surprised the Huns and forced them to retreat about a hundred miles at which one of the bloodiest battles in history ensued, the Battle of Chalons. The Huns were defeated there. But Attila redirected them towards Rome by invading Italy. He destroyed everything in his path on his quest to reach the heart of the Roman Empire. Unable to stop him by force, a peaceful mission was led by Pope Leo I in 452. Moral persuasion worked, Attila did not invade Rome.
A year later, at age 47, Attila died from a nosebleed.

I realize this might get a little long, I'll spend less time on other subjects, but Attila was my favorite. I promise, I do have a point to make.

Alexander the Great was one of the most successful military commanders in history, and was undefeated in battle. By the time of his death, he had conquered most of the world known to the ancient Greeks. His reign spanned 356-323 BC. Alexander conquered the Achaemenid Persian Empire, including Anatolia, Syria, Phoenicia, Judea, Gaza, Egypt, Bactria, and Mesopotamia, and extended the boundaries of his own empire as far as Punjab, India.
His legacy and conquests lived on long after him, and ushered in centuries of Greek settlement and cultural influence over distant areas. This was known as the Hellenistic Age, and featured a combination of Greek, Middle Eastern and Indian cultures. Alexander himself was featured prominently in the history and myth of both Greek and non-Greek cultures. His exploits inspired a literary tradition in which he appeared as a legendary hero in the tradition of Achilles.

Ghengis Khan, William I of England, Napoleon, Hitler, George W. Bush.
Stop laughing. I said I have a point to make. I'll get to it soon.

Charlemagne, Charles the Great, Charles I of the Holy Roman Empire, King of the Franks from 768 until his death in 814. I won't write of his conquests. What I found intriguing were his political reforms.
He exercised the "bannum", the right to rule and command. He had supreme jurisdiction in judicial matters, made legislation, led the army, and protected both the church and the poor. Sounds eerily similar to three key, questionable points in the Protect America Act that the President is pressuring Congress to sleaze thru.

Now, I'll try to make my point, if I haven't forgotten it.

It is damn near the eleventh hour for a President who so desperately wanted to leave his mark in history. Someone who is projecting delusions of grandeur from a pissant's perspective. A dream so big, the dreamer lost sight of the reality of the situation. Just because it was planned in the war room didn't mean it was actually possible in the outside world.
 His dream to conquer the entire Islamic world, converting them to democracy, while wrapping himself in the American flag, using our tax dollars and our military men and women, and at the same time attempting to silence the citizens of this country by subverting our right to free speech and perverting the laws of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights by attempting to rewrite them as in the Protect America Act is seditious and treasonous and President or not, he should be held accountable, BY LAW, for these acts against this great country and it's citizens. In his haste to make history, he will only succeed in conquering his own country. The worm has turned.

My point is made.

Currently listening : Wagner - Der Ring des Nibelungen / Levine, Metropolitan Opera (Complete Ring Cycle) Release date: 12 November, 2002

4:00 PM - 14 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Perp Threatened By Tagging Victim
Current mood: cantankerous
Category: Quiz/Survey

My good friend Kirk started my day with a "fun" project for me today. I've been tagged. The rules will follow below. But first I'd like to take a moment to thank Kirk for brightening up my day. Normally , I don't do surveys of any kind. I'm only doing this because it's for you, my friend.

                                                                RULES 

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" on their profile and tell them to read your latest blog.

More than you ever wanted to know about me:

(1) I am the third oldest of 7 children. Always shy, but with a wild side.

(2) I play mandolin and violin. Not well, but with impressive volume and  bravado.

(3) I'm an artist. I paint surreal, surreal political, political and surreal religious.

(4) I've had 2 of my paintings hanging in the Art Institute Of Chicago.

(5) I howl daily with my dog, CJ.

(6) I love Puccini operas, Miles Davis and Metal. Anything meant to be cried, sung, screamed or made love to in music.

(7) I love Louis L'Amour novels and urban poetry. The best in romance and reality.

(8) I'm an avid canoeist and wilderness camper.

(9) I own over 50 pairs of shoes. I believe in having the right footwear for every occasion.

(10) I don't like chocolate. If it isn't combined with nuts or strawberries, I might as well be consuming Kaopectate!

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.

As for my 10 tags: I will appeal to, invite and encourage "all" my friends to make a list of ten and message or mail me and I will post their names on my blog. Thanks, Kirk. You made my day!

Currently listening : You & Me By Joe Bonamassa Release date: 06 June, 2006

12:03 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment