TAG (Damn you Karen, this could be fun)
Current mood: stressed
Category: Blogging

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with ten weird random, facts, habits, or goals about your self..At the end choose ten people to be tagged, listing their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment ( tag you're it) to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you so make sure you leave me a comment so i can check yours! :) (this is fun) Also, try to add several random facts to your friends list that they may have left out.

1. I was never baptized (and the more I watch tv the more I'm beginning to realize that this means I'm going to hell)

2. I have chronic insomnia, I haven't slept more than 4 hours straight in at least a year.

3. I really want to have redheaded twin boys (and I've wanted this since before I read any Harry Potter books.)

4. I truly believe that somehow, someday I will be famous. Let's hope it's not for some sort of murder/suicide scenario

5. When I become famous, I will break my rule of not sleeping with a taken man, because I will have sex with Johnny Depp, no matter what it takes. He has become my new obsession (him and Leonardo DiCaprio). Seriously, have you seen "Chocolat"?

6. Sometimes I'm not so scared of dying, because it means I get to see my dad again.

7. I'd really like to be a total expert on something (anything) and then be featured talking about my area of expertise on a discovery or history channel special.

8. I'd like to completely take over the media and Hollywood and use these vehicles to change the face of Social Work and all human (and animal) services in general

9. I am almost positive that I suffer from a disorder that hasn't been discovered yet.

10. I am going to kill my cat if he doesn't stop attacking my hands and feet.

Tag: Steph, Lo, Japes, Damon, Julie, uh, I don't have 10 friends

Currently reading : Slash By Slash Release date: 30 October, 2007

11:13 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

um...so...
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Romance and Relationships

First, it's my and John's 2 yr anniversary today..i'm sure you're all just thrilled for us. the big celebration will come in about a month when this will officially be the longest relationship I've ever had. but then again, this is the first 2 yr anniversary that i've celebrated where i actually still like the person. anyway, the real news, for those of you who don't know, is that we bought a townhouse. yay! adulthood. we close hopefully Aug.23rd. And bitches, don't think you won't be coming over that weekend to help paint . we will provide the beer and pizza tho. anyway, most of you won't be asked to help us move b/c john actually has friends who have OFFERED! what the eff is what I say. but who am i to look i a gift horse in the mouth. anyhoo, the townhouse is in a huge townhouse community called Brandywine (which we have so aptly named Brandywino, cuz we're clever and we like wine.) It's in Villa Park off of Roosevelt and Ardmore. We are literally surrounded by liquor stores and chain restaurants. awesome. our big hope is to turn Brandywine into the new FP. so if anyone else wants to move there, they have a pool. (yes karen, you can swim in it all you want, but it is outdoors.) so, there ya go, there's my big news. we're going to wicker park fest tonite, so if anyone wants to go, hit me up via myspace cuz i lost my phone. also, to celebrate our anniversary b/c we are humongo dorks, we're going to ren faire tomorrow. also hit me up if you'd like to participate in that, but keep in mind that ren faire is usually my drunkest day of the year, i drink cheap white wine and i get belligerant. k, thanks for caring!

Currently listening : Bloodlines By Dune Release date: 26 June, 2007

7:26 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Jerry Falwell...
Current mood: mischievous
Category: Religion and Philosophy

is dead. Does anyone else have a strong urge to show up at his funeral with signs that say "God killed Jerry Falwell" or "God hates Jerry Falwell" or "Jerry Falwell is burning in hell w/ all of the other hate mongering psycho religious fanatics?" Maybe while dressed in drag and performing lewd sex acts while his family and friends are subjected to watching? Sounds good to me!

Currently listening : I Care Because You Do By Aphex Twin Release date: 25 April, 1995

1:48 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Yes- I am extremely lazy
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Blogging

What Is Your Animal Personality?

Bear Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

and Karen, as you can see, the job hunting is going beautifully- I have successfully stumbled out of bed (at about noon), played online, cooked a breakfast consisting of eggs, potatoes o'brien, bacon, sausage and biscuits, eaten that and drank mimosas. so yea, i'm totally gonna get a job today.

Currently listening : Cheating at Solitaire By Mike Ness Release date: 13 April, 1999

1:06 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

stuff and stuff
Current mood: drunk
Category: Life

I AM BETTER THAN EVERYONE...EXCEPT FOR ANGELINA JOLIE...CUZ SHE COLLECTS THINGS AND CHILDREN. I BET WHEN SHE'S NOT BEING PHOTOGRAPHED SHE KEEPS HER LITTLE CHARITY PROJECTS ON A SHELF. LIKE A REAL SHELF. MADE OF WOOD. FROM IKEA. OH, AND KAREN...CUZ, I MEAN, I JUST WANT TO WATCH HER HAVE SEX...DON'T YOU??? JAMES AND KEVIN SUCK. SO THERE BITCHES! UM, STUFF. KAREN FORCED ME TO BLOG, SO I'M FUCKING BLOGGING. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY EXCEPT I HATE MY JOB AND MY MANAGER IS A RIGHT CUNT BITCH WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE'S DOING AND FUCK THIS SHIT I'M GONNA WORK AT JEWEL OR PETCO. IT'S MY BLOG AND I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO...CRY IF I WANT TO. AND WHAT?? IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! AND MY BOOBS ARE BIG. GER. WE HAVE BIG BOOBS. YAYA....KAREN JUST SAID I'M OFFICALLY AN ADULT. AND THEN SHE FARTED. AND THEN SNORTED. AND THEN SAID OH MY GOODNESS. LIKE IN LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE. SO ANYWAY, REALLY, ANGELINA JOLIE...LET'S JUST START THERE. SHE HAS AN ADDICTION AND IT IS CHILDREN. SHE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON OR A HUMANITARIAN. SHE IS A JUNKIE. A JUNKIE!! AND HER SMACK IS LITTLE FOREIGN CHILDREN W/ FUNNY NAMES. SO PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT. AND LONG TOE NAILS ARE GROSS. AND SO ARE LONG FINGERNAILS ON BOYS. AND KAREN IS OFFICIALLY THE QUEEN OF THE VAGINAS...IN A GOOD WAY. SHE ROCKS IN BED. I KNOW THIS. AGAIN, I WANT TO WATCH. LIKE EDUCATIONALLY. I'M WHEEZING AND IT'S TIME FOR BED...I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW TOMORROW. I'M SLEEPY. BYE

Currently listening : Machine By Yeah Yeah Yeah's Release date: 05 November, 2002

11:43 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Pirates Everywhere!!!
Current mood: touched

All these years, people said punk was dead.  Obviously the popularization of groups like Good Charlotte and Sum 41 proved that theory and thus caused me severe emotional pain and torment.  Thank fucking god for Pirates!!!  This is proof that the things I love won't always burn out!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050928/ap_on_re_af/somalia_piracy

Currently listening : This Is Unity Music By Common Rider Release date: 03 September, 2002

2:41 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Indecent Proposal
Current mood: devious

Well, since no one asked, I'll just tell it.  Cuz it's fucking funny.  In a sad, desperate, stupid kind of way.  Which makes for the best funny.  So, you've all already heard about the "Toilet Incident."  Good stuff...but not the only stupid thing that happened that night.  It all started at my good friend Rory's wedding...the most white trash and amazing wedding ever.  Thanks Rory!!! We actually started drinking beer during the wedding ceremony.  In between "I do's" you could hear the crisp crack of the opening of another Miller Lite.  It was romantic.  So afterwards we go to the VFW.  Perfect place for a reception if you ask me.  Between open bar and catered Brown's Chicken, we were all feeling pretty good.  So, to give a little history, my best friend Stephanie Kopec (you all fucking know her so you can see where this is going) is dating this guy Jay.  Jay's a cool guy.  I like him (you all fucking know me, so you can see how much he must not suck).  However, Jay and Steph have been fighting since day 2 of their now ~3 month relationship.  It's sweet.  So, a few weeks ago Jay and Steph get in a huge fight because he was flirting with his ex girlfriend.  Or so I'm told.  I wouldn't know because I wasn't there because I was in bed due to the fact that I have a job.  So, to make it up to Steph, Jay buys her a diamond ring...similar to an engagement ring.  But he presents it to her as a 'Promise Ring' and the promise is that he won't flirt with his exes anymore.  Classy Jay, really fucking classy.  So, fast forward a few weeks to the wedding.  Jay and I go to the bathroom together (cuz we're drunk and white trash and under those circumstances there is no distinction between women's and men's bathrooms).  While peeing, Jay and I somehow get on the subject of marriage (well, not somehow, i mean, we were at a wedding so it was kind of a theme) and Jay tells me he wants to propose to Steph.  Well, I'm drunk and typically a bitch, so I decide to advocate for a proposal...that night...at the 80's party...where we will be drunk and wearing pink...cuz it'd be funny.  But I inform Jay that he needs a ring to propose.  So he says "well, she's wearing the engagement ring.  I bought it to propose, but then we got in that fight, so I gave to her as a promise ring."  I'm peeing, and I almost fell of the toilet laughing...you gave her what was supposed to be her engagement ring as a bribe so that she wouldn't be mad at you for flirting with your ex girlfriend.  That's fucking beautiful.  So, ever the problem solver, i say "oh, i'll get the ring back." so i march up to Steph and demand the ring.  She's awesome and good with being told what to do, so she hands it to me.  For the rest of the reception, Jay yells at her for losing the ring (he's trying to set the stage ya know?) she keeps coming up to me almost in tears asking for it back, but my boyfriend John who is just as evil and full of a love of pranks as me keeps distracting her.)  finally we get to the 80's party.  We're trashed.  This is fun.  Out of the 20 or so people there, we know about 6.  So we're mostly at an apt. full of strangers.  This is the perfect scene for a proposal if you ask me.  So, about an hour in, after much goading from me, Jay stands up and says "Can I have everyone's attention please?!"  I start cracking up cuz I know what's about to happen.  Everyone sort of pays attention, but mostly not cuz, hey, we're at a party.  Beer is much more important.  So Jay gets on one knee and begins to profess his love to Steph.  In the meantime, John and I are falling over ourselves laughing.  Cuz this is fucking amazing.  and Steph, poor drunk Steph is looking around going "you are not, oh my god, no!" Jay ignores her obvious discomfort and continues his proposal.  I start taking pictures, which that jackass Capt Awesome erased cuz he's a Grade A dipshit.  After the "Will you marry me?" Steph turns around, looks at me and goes "I'm drunk, at an 80's party and wearing pink leg warmers!! are you fucking kidding me?!"  John and I are now in a pile on the floor, such is the magnitude of our amusement.  Jay is oblivious to how big of a joke this is, and continues declaring his love.  Finally he gets up and he and Steph go to the bedroom.  I'm not sure if they fucked or fought, but later they came out and proceeded to argue all night.  It was by far the best proposal ever imagined and if you see either of them, congratulate them again and again.  Then we heard a crash from the bathroom and you all know the rest!!! Best fucking Saturday ever!!! Cuz we're Pirates bitches!!!!

Currently listening : Dummy By Portishead Release date: 17 October, 1994

10:15 AM - 3 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

PIRATE PARTY BITCHES!!!
Current mood: I have to pee

Ladies and Gentleman,

I am here to announce that we will be throwing a Pirate Party for Tim Mayer's twenty-somethingth birthday on September 17, 2005. We will be renting a boat to sail the ocean blue (ok, the Chicago River, whatever) and it is all you can drink for $40 ($50 if we realize that we have no friends). You must dress like a pirate or a pirate wench or you will be forced to walk the plank (which means you will not be let on the boat and we will make fun of you for being lame and having no imagination!). We are still figuring some details out, but it's possible we might be selling tickets ahead of time in order to keep track of how many people and how much money we will rape and pillage ( I mean thankfully use to fuel our alcohol induced lifestyle) from the likes of you generous guests! You don't have to know Tim to go, but if you come and we don't know you and you act like an asshole (and no dillweed; pirates aren't assholes, they're the punk rockers of the sea which makes them smart, cunning, rebellious and sexy, not obnoxious, rude, arrogant or stupid) than you will either be thrown off the boat into the water or forced to sit in the dungeon (a large dog cage if you must know) for however long we decide it takes for you to stop sucking. Please reply to my myspace page and let me know if you will possibly be coming, and I don't accept answers made while you're drunk or horny!! Thanks guys!!

Kadima-aka: Pants Down Dora-Highly Regarded First Mate to Captain Awesome

Currently listening : So This Is Freedom By The Unseen Release date: 13 March, 2001

9:13 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Russian people are funny
Current mood: amused

We finally go to them...and our master plan is in effect!! Down with the Reds!!!


http://dailynews.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050519/od_uk_nm/oukoe_odd_russia_lake

Currently listening : Fever To Tell By Yeah Yeah Yeahs Release date: 29 April, 2003

10:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

oops, where'd my clothes go???
Current mood: savage

Ok, so seeing as I have so very little to do at work, I spend my days trolling around myspace looking for interesting people and things...obviously I am constantly coming up empty. However, I did notice a recurring theme that irritates me, or at least, that sort of, in my opinion, justifies rape and internet stalking...females posting pictures of themselves half naked, in sexy and "come hither' positions. While I appreciate the art of it, most of these pics are not very arty, they're more like "i was hanging out with some friends and i was all like, susie, take a pic of me without my shirt on, and then she was like, wait, put of some makeup and this hat so you'll look smokin'" and then a picture was taken and historically ended up on myspace. So, ok, yea, I think this is stupid. Number one, a world full of random people are checking out your space. Is it really important to have people that u don't even know see your funbags? or your ass crack? Unless you are so desperately insecure that you need bobby ray from buttfuck nowhere, alabama and serkasi naifisky from foreignville, albania to jerk off to your pictures while imagining what your milky white skin must smell like. That's sad. For you and bobby ray and serkasi. Number two, if strangers aren't able to look at your site, your friends are...and i can think of only one reason you want your friends to see you half-naked...so they can tell you how hot you are. That is stupid. I don't like people who need to be told that they're hot by their friends or random people. I like people that know they're hot, whether anyone tells them or not. And I really like people that find a way to get others to tell them that they're hot in sublte and creative ways, not by putting up half-naked pics of themself on an easily accessible website that conveniently has a place to leave comments where one would expect their viewers to say "wow, you look so hot in that pic" or "oh my god, you're so sexy" Do you see what I'm saying. Not to mention, it just seems so cheap and slutty..."hey everyone, look at me, i'm naked, i let someone take naked pictures of me, and then i decided that i needed everyone i know to see them!! whoo hoo, look at my titties! haha, I'm such a tease!" so, there.

Currently listening : Sheet One By Plastikman Release date: 16 November, 1993

12:59 PM - 5 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment