birthday girl
Category: Life

I love birthdays.  My beloved does not, but this year I think she is a little excited about her birthday, and I want it to be super special.  She spent her entire life having shitty birthday experiences, and the past couple she has spent with me seem to have warmed  her up to the idea a little.  I have many little surprises planned for day, and several little gifts that I hope she will find meaningful.  Unfortunately I don't have the money that I used to have or else I would have splurged on her BIG TIME!  It's pretty much about the food for her.  She's a major foodie.  And we're getting a huge ham which she already knows about but there are other food surprises and snuggly surprises and audible surprises, and some things I know she won't be expecting me to have remembered that she wanted.  *giggle* 

I love having the opportunity to spend an entire day spoiling my beloved.  Yeah, it may sound like her b-day is more about me than her--heh, but I love giving her presents!!

Currently listening : Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea By PJ Harvey Release date: 2000-10-31

11:05 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Demetria-- yeah, I saw the ring. Congrats!!!!

So, a friend from about 10 years ago found me, and I am soooooo delighted.  First of all why on earth would my name ever cross her mind again, and secondly she was an awesome person with awesome energy and who doesn't need that in their life??!!

I am soooo looking forward to getting the scoop on what's been up in the decade we've been incommunicato. 

Yay, Demetria!!!!!

12:01 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

universal compassion
Category: Writing and Poetry

A spiritual slinking of avoidance and fear.
Come closer.
The light and dark of things are one and the same,
with visibility being the difference.
With understanding being the illuminator.

I hold your hand until sensation sleeps
and you cannot feel where you end and I begin.
Let compassion be the same.
Let your compassion for loved ones
be your compassion for self,
be compassion for strangers.

Ice in your palm is cold,
and you wish to escape the discomfort.
But as it melts you wish to quench your thirst
with its transformed self.
Everyone, each of us is both ice and water.
Each of us in our melting down,
in our letting go of pride and fear
and selfishness,
becomes the water
that will wet the lips
and quench the thirst of another.

When one feels harmed by another,
let your compassion overwhelm,
and let your spirit be the fire
that melts and transforms.
Let your compassion be the catalyst
so that yours and other's lips
may drink.

12:33 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

touchstone
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Do you have a touchstone to keep you in a whole place, in a calm state of being?

I find it so difficult to be the woman I want to be when going out into the world can aggravate me so much, and disappoint me, and set me completely against what I aspire to.
Basically, I lose my God when I go into the world. I lose my calm. I lose my compassion and generosity of spirit. I've been very aware of this for the past six months or so, and have been trying to find ways to take my spiritual peace into the world when I leave the safe haven of my home.

Some days when I feel particularly vulnerable or conversely when I am feeling particularly God-filled I wear my wrist mala and when I see it or touch it I am reminded. Sometimes I wear patchouli and it helps me at a less conscious level-- the fragrance being one I connect with prayer and meditation. Sometimes I wear a special stone on a leather choker at my throat.

Being a saucy, playful, sarcastic woman with a temper challenges me. I am who I am, and to a great extent I respect that this is who I am. But would I love to be that calm, mystical woman that has a soothing word for everyone--sure. Would I love to be that new age earthy-crunchy heal the earth, heal the soul hippie chick--- sure. But I am sarcastic and loud and I live just on the edge of what is okay to say---- I like to make people laugh. I like to make them think. I'd like to be a catalyst for positive change. I want to break people's heads open and give them space to think new things. I want to be the lever that pushes and pries until people see and change and evolve into better people. We all have the ability to grow and become better people--- I think that is my sole purpose-- become a better person. I want to inspire and challenge and debate and go to bed each night knowing that I have done my very best to be the change I want to see in the world.

So... forgive me if I tread on toes. I have the best intent. I want people to be happy. I want them to be joyous and whole. I want them to be liberated from whatever burdens they're under. I want to free the human spirit so that it may truly flourish in the bliss of what is important------ don't let this life be about mortgages, and bad jobs and people who aggravate us. Don't let it be about begruding and have-to's and should haves. Don't let it be about remorse and guilt and things come not quite to fruition.

I implore you----- give yourself a moment of quiet stillness.
What does your soul say?
Who are you today and who do you want to be tomorrow?

Namaste my beautiful friends. You each amaze and inspire me.

11:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

meditative stone
Category: Writing and Poetry

I'm drawn to the stone,
the structure and curve.
The silence of age
wearing it down,
making it smooth.

And though untouched,
my hands know its texture.
They know the temperature.
It exceeds the extent of me
but I can walk end to end
and pretend.

Currently listening : Free Nelson Mandela By The Special AKA

11:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

yes

Today is a good day.

Tell me if you think so too and tell me why.

9:20 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Today is the day YOU can affect change!!
Category: News and Politics

Please Vote!!!
Today is the day YOU, your voice, your vote can positive affect this country.  Complacency is not acceptable. Apathy is not acceptable. Each of us has the civic responsibility  to cast our vote. 

If you do not have transportation, ask someone to take you.  If you think you don't have time, remind yourself that we have waited how long for an African American presidential candidate??? (Oops, my Obama is showing.) I am generally not a politically passionate person, but this man inspires me, gives me hope that this country can be more than it is now.  I sincerely get a sense of grace about this man when I hear him. 

If you are not of voting age, do your part by reminding everyone you encounter today that this is the day they can affect change-- just vote!! 

Provide rides to people who need a ride!!

Say a prayer.  Let your heart be known. The government isn't this country. WE are this country.  We now get our say.  We have a voice.  Make sure yours is heard!

VOTE!!!!!

11:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

friendship angst-- a bit of a rant

I have a friend, a long time friend whom I've been trying to get in touch with.  I've called a dozen times, but no call back.  Yet this friend finds ample time to do all this random shit on Facebook--- virtual gardens, sending virtual crap to people (very little to me, tho).  And the thing that really got me was yet another friend that I'm trying to get in touch with and the first friend I mentioned CREATED A VIRTUAL WHATEVER THE FUCK   TOGETHER.  ??Really??

We've been friends for 25 years, and it is troubling, painful, ego-bruising, and very sad to think I've run my course of usefulness with her.  We're very different in some ways, but I thought we had enough in common and enough time invested to continue being friends. 

Well, fuck me already.  I never cease to be amazed by the absolute fuck of living.  I can't pretend to understand how people let others sift through their fingers.  I won't pretend to be all zen with it--   It's offensive to me.  I feel rejected.  It's like working for a company for 25 years and getting laid off without so much as a fuck you very much.  25 years she and I have been friends.  25 years of relationship shit, divorce threats, child rearing anst,  dealing with her husband's ex, split ups, job and money woes, family crap.... but now she has YOU--- the people she considers more valuable to turn to, and I'm thankful for that in a way.  I want her to have a support system.  I want her to have friends who make her happy. 

But, again, fuck me upside down.

11:57 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

people

I don't know what it is about fall....

I've been thinking about my friends a lot of late.  Missing them. Wishing I could chat with them, reconnect.  But they're all over the world.  I miss my earthy-crunchy Clare, my boisterous loyal Sarah, my fun sensitive Karen and my other fun sensitive Karen, my soulful Suzy, my ponderous creative Ami, my long-time missing Tracey, my long-time unspoken Lee, my mystical Z, my sweet fun Nicole, my brilliant and sweet Heather, my lost Sara, my brilliant and wounded Kate, my passionate vivacious Raychel, my talented and swoon-inducing John,. my crazy and wonderful Carol Anne. I want to get my God on with conversations with Maggie, and my new friend Nathalie-- though I'm certain she doesn't know I think of her.  I want to send prayers of health and continued wisdom to the Dalai Lama.

I want to light incense for each and everyone of you and send a prayer high.  The earth renews now.  Let all things be done and ended.  Let the new come.

12:25 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Love, the mental illness
Category: Writing and Poetry

If love wasn't the thing,
wasn't the matter,
you'd think me mad as a hatter.
You'd think me drunk
and find me stumbling the lanes,
leaned up in alley ways,
seeking respite from the swoon.

Yeah, if love wasn't the thing
you'd write me off as crazy,
dismiss me as intellectually lazy,
instead of distracted,
like I've contracted some mental illness.
But you know as well as I,
that Love has enacted
it's greatest trick upon me.
I can see nothing
but the silhouette of my beloved
on the horizon.

And Love's there at the corner
looking amused.

© 2008, T. Wild. All rights reserved

11:28 AM - 0 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

a note to Love as a state of being
Category: Writing and Poetry

dearest Love,
You, the instigator of my insanity...
How you trifle with the anatomy of my shell,
sending this fever to my veins.
I'm unbridaled and naked
in the need and want of her.
I'm at sea in the bliss of loving
with no hopes of coming ashore.
I'm skewing metaphors
so atoss am I, so at a loss am I
to explain your virtue.
Anyone who knows you,
knows what I'm on about.

© 2008, T. Wild. All rights reserved.

11:26 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Rate my poetry please!!! I need the $100
Category: Writing and Poetry

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If you are familiar with my poetry please follow the above link, register and then locate my profile  kaitesquill.  On the profile page please select as many stars as you think my writing deserves.  Thank you BIG TIME!!

11:01 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

excellent survey from Queen.

Tired of those surveys with questions like; what are you wearing, favorite drink,who texted you last ,and Obama or McCain....then try these 10.



1) If you had the proper education or training, what would be your "dream" job ?

Investigative reporter.

2) Is being in love a required prerequisite, or deal breaker when it comes to your decision to have sex ?

I used to think sex was just a thing... I could have sex with whomever I wanted.  But now I have absolutely no interest in having sex with anyone besides my beloved.

3) If you could go back in time and live your life in a different era, what would that be, and why ?
I would want to be a writer during the time of Shakespeare or a painter during the height of the Impressionist era.

4) Do you think that Christmas has become too commercialized, and if answered yes, then what would you change ? 

Definitely yes.  I would raise my children to give during the holidays-- donate their toys and clothes, adopt a needy family.  Other holidays would be gift receiving holidays. 


If you're in a relationship and fantsize about someone other than your partner, is this normal, or potentially harmful ?
I dunno.  I never fantasize about people I know.  I think if I was fantasizing about a  friend or co worker that would indicate something not  great.  But if I'm fantasizing about Marishka Hargitay..... heh.

6) Do you talk to God, and if answered yes, what do you say, or ask for ?
Yes.  I ask for Him to bless my family and friends, to keep us safe, to help us make wise decisions.  I ask for guidance and peace.  I thank Him for the wonderful people and animals in my life.  I thank Him for sparing me some of the challenges that I've not had.  I ask him what the hell is going on.  I tell him thanks when I see something that I consider Him to have a hand in. 

7) What influences your purchasing decision making the most, commercials and advertising, word-of-mouth, experience, or just a gut feeling ?
I decide whether I need something or just want it.  The Buddhist in me is helping me curb my purchasing--- that and the fact that I have little money to make mistakes with.

8) If givin the choice of ONLY one or the other, would you rather be in a healthy, loving, life-long relationship, or to have a guaranteed, tax-free, enormous income for the rest of your life ?
I think I've proved that I chose love over security and money.

9) What is more important to you, to have a really nice job that you love and pays well, or to have 3 or 4 good friends that you could depend on ?
I'd rather have a job that I love that pays well.

10) Do you look forward to retiring, and not having to work anymore, or worry that you don't have enough money saved and may end up homeless ?
I've never thought about retiring because I will never be able to retire and be comfortable.  I have a nagging worry which I've turned into a joke of sorts that I don't want to be an old woman eating catfood.

10:37 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment