Random gratuitous (long as ass) update...
Category: Life

Hello, everyone in Blogland!

Some of you may be reading this entry in shock.

She's writing? After all this time?

I thought she was dead!

I thought she'd been abducted by very large bees!

I thought she'd dyed her hair pink and joined a flock of flamingos (or was it flamencos?)

As it turns out, I'm just fine. No bees, no flamingos. And certainly no flamencos, seeing as I happen to be about as graceful as a swan on rollerskates (I'm not only proud of this fact, but also smug- coordination is for wimps). I'm just tired- very, very tired. The following is a list of what I've been doing, am doing, and will be doing...

I had a temporary job in which I graded student essays. I wish I could give some examples of these, but because of project secrecy, I can't- but I can say that more than a few times I had to excuse myself from the room so that I could laugh hysterically. And then sometimes cry.

I've been keeping up with transcription, and I've been doing data analysis for the boyfriend (who graduated with this PhD, making me the happiest, proudest girl in the room, except for perhaps his own mother).

I'm preparing to move! Yes, again. Yes, after hardly a year in good old North Carolina. The boyfriend accepted a teaching position in another state, we have a new house, and as a matter of fact we'll be going there for a week to do some painting and gaudy wallpaper removal. I'll miss this state terribly, but I'm hoping to visit as often as I can.

For anyone who doesn't know me well, I have more interests than I can keep up with. Or keep track of. I thought I'd abandoned painting a long time ago, but oh, the urge to paint has returned. And then some. It turns out that I like to write and paint at the same time; painting puts me in the right sort of "trance" required to write without the usual crippling anxiety.

As usual, I have more ideas for novels than I can keep up with. At this point, it will take me thirty years to complete all of them. This means I'll have to do a lot more painting. Oh, darnit, she said sarcastically.

I read On Writing by Stephen King. Once you pass through all the biography stuff and get into the advice, it's amazing. Highly, highly recommended.

I've been doing a lot of reading, in fact. Philip Pullman and Christopher Moore are just a few of the authors who've impressed me.

So, there is my life in a nutshell. I hope you're all doing well! Now, back to packing...

7:36 AM - 28 Comments - 22 Kudos - Add Comment

Where should I write?
Category: Writing and Poetry

I am going through a writer's crisis. One that, to put it simply, makes writer's block look like a romp through a field of daisies. While snuggling kittens. And eating chocolate.

The trouble started when I went and did a very silly thing. That thing? I faced a few facts about my life as a writer. Never, ever, under any circumstances, face facts. Nine times out of ten, they won't be friendly ones.

The first thing I realized was that I might never become rich and famous through writing. That I might not, in fact, ever become a great writer. Now, I know that I'm a good writer. I'm more often than not clear and to the point, and I'm not one of those stupid nits who confuses "they" with "he or she," and that's just dandy. But a great writer? It's a very long way off. For one thing, my vocabulary is limited. For another, my ability to describe scenery consists of "there were a few trees and things." I also have no idea- I repeat, no idea- how to write a newspaper article. The very prospect of doing so makes me want to pee myself.

There's the long and scary process of finding a publisher. Cue the peeing again.

Then, there's the fact that I write about things that very few people are actually interested in. A strong female character who hates shoes and is good at Physics? No, people want Sophie Kinsella's characters- simpletons who can barely balance a checkbook. Characters who eat, breathe and sleep Jimmy Choo.

Finally, there's the fact that even if I become a published author, I will still need a Day Job. The problem with a Day Job is, it leaves one too tired to work on one's actual writing.

So all of this realization pretty much put me through an emotional trainwreck. With the exception of griping at length, I just can't sit still to write! I feel restless, nervous, frightened and insecure. I want to go home. I want my mommy.

I know that I need to take some time to, as I put it, heal my writing. To start from the very ground level and build myself up again. I need to get back into the habit of writing every day, and I need to become comfortable with it again. I need to get back to my roots and start writing for me, not just so I won't have to have a Day Job. I might never be a Rowling or a Kimmel or even a Steele. Sad, but true.

Finding a place to write is very complicated. Urbis is, frankly, annoying. Reviews are often written so the reviewer has enough "points" to read his or her own reviews. This results in reviews that are perfunctory at best. Scores are assigned, which is completely counterintuitive to writing- and just plain hurts feelings. Myspace blogging has so many politics, and I find myself abandoning writing in favor of keeping up with said politics (when I'd rather just stick to the people I love, and who've been loyal to me even through my Myspace absence). Finally, livejournal... I feel guilty for clogging my friend-lists with my whining.

So that leaves me with good old pen and paper and hand cramps until my anxiety has passed. I have a nice little blank notebook, and his name is Wilbur. His twin belongs to the Boyfriend and is called Orville. They are- you guessed it- the Write Brothers. I think we have a great future together, Willie and I.

Wish me luck! :)

8:04 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos

I Shot the Cherub: second excerpt
Category: Romance and Relationships

    The following is another excerpt from my book: I Shot the Cherub. It follows directly after the first one. Enjoy!

     I'm not saying that we can't – and won't – have our weaker moments. It doesn't help to mope, but it certainly doesn't help to beat ourselves over the head for the way we feel. My point is this: accept your sadness, your fear, your insecurity, and move on. You have nothing to gain, and everything to lose (your time, your sanity, your self-esteem, and your life) by dwelling on it.
     To get personal for just a moment, I spent several years crying during romantic movies and resenting friends who were either dating or married. I chased after men who were clearly not fit to lick my socks, let alone my boots. I was followed by a few downright scary ones. I used every excuse I could pull out of thin air to explain to my family why, oh why, I didn't have a boyfriend yet!
This was time I could have spent getting to know myself (fascinating creature that I am). This was time I could have spent working on my writing. Frankly, this was time I could have spent picking my nose! Looking back, I seriously regret not having been a little more selective in my choice of activities.

                   What does this have to do with Valentine's Day?

     Not only is it in every single woman's best interest to be comfortable by herself, but it's also nothing but good for her to handle the holidays, including Valentine's Day, in a way that doesn't involve tears, anger or six gallons of ice cream. There isn't a lot any of us can do about the existence of Valentine's Day, as much as we'd like to grab hold of Cupid and pluck him like a Thanksgiving turkey. Luckily, we can change the way we react to the holiday – and to those grueling two weeks leading up to it.

                                                Three choices

So not only have you decided that you want to become a little more comfortable with your singlehood, you've also decided that you'd rather not be miserable on Valentine's Day. (Either that, or you've decided to humor me for awhile. If that's the case, I'll just have to do my best to convince you, won't I?) Well, congratulations! You've just taken a step that most people haven't even considered yet.
     Now that depressed moping has been ruled out, the way I see it there are three ways you can spend the holiday. You can change your definition of Valentine's Day to include more than romantic love; you can mercilessly mock the holiday and all who celebrate it; or you can ignore  it completely. Each of these options will be explored in the chapters that follow.

                             Isn't Valentine's Day materialistic?

     One of the many reasons people aren't tickled red and pink about this holiday is that they think it supports mindless consumerism. They feel that buying cards, chocolate, flowers, lingerie, and jewelry is a little... excessive. Well, for the most part I agree with them!
     As far as I'm concerned, a woman doesn't need to part with every last penny in her pocket to enjoy Valentine's Day, which is why many of my suggestions fall on the frugal side. When you take yourself for a long walk, re-read your favorite novel or keep yourself amused with your favorite hobby, there's a good chance you'll have a terrific time in the process. It's also unlikely that your wallet will look as thin as a Swedish supermodel in the end.
     Of course, more than a few of the suggestions in this survival  guide were not created with the health of your bank account in mind. I tend to believe that when it comes to establishing your life as a happy, well-adjusted single woman, you need to do whatever it takes. You'll be investing plenty of time, attention and patience in yourself. Sometimes a little cash can't help but follow.

7:53 AM - 20 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

Excerpt from I Shot the Cherub
Category: Writing and Poetry

I Shot the Cherub.

The following is a little snippet from my book. I may post a few other bits and pieces at some point. Copyright 2007 by Sarah Meadows.

                              Does Valentine's Day get you down?

    Let's face it. Valentine's Day is one of the worst holidays single women face. If you're anything like me, those first two weeks of February make you feel nothing but nausea and dread. Red and pink, once fairly harmless colors, get your eyes watering. Hearts and flowers? They can't be tolerated! Chocolate brings you nothing but joy and cavities any other time of the year, but the very sight of it makes your stomach start to twist up in knots. Honestly, you just want to take the biggest, fattest marker you can find and cross February 14th off the calendar for good.
    By the time the dismal day itself rolls around, you're already sick of love and anyone involved with it. You've had it up to here, there and everywhere with Nauseatingly Cheerful Wives and Girlfriends. You have more than a few choice words for couples who prance around handing each other heart-shaped boxes, and you'd like to tell the makers of candy, jewelry and tacky lingerie just where they can stick all that sappy advertising.
    Most of us have been in that place at least once in our lives, and plenty of us have been there more than that. It's perfectly normal to be upset… or even a little depressed. We're fantastic, charming and intelligent women. We have challenging jobs and rewarding hobbies, and there's absolutely no doubt that our lives are filled with people who admire and adore us. Unfortunately, all of these things seem to get tossed out the window as soon as February arrives. Why? Because, put simply, Valentine's Day is the only holiday that takes the one thing in our lives that we don't have – romance – and waves it in our faces.

                                    Does being single get you down?

    Let's forget about Valentine's Day for one minute. Holidays aren't the only things that frustrate single women. In fact, talk to just about any single woman, and you'll probably learn that sometimes, being alone is only slightly more comfortable than running naked through a cactus patch.
    For starters, there's all that loneliness. We feel like we have plenty of affection to give, but nobody to give it to. We want attention and appreciation. There's also the thought of doing things alone, like going to the movies, eating out in restaurants, and showing up for weddings and other family functions; these things always seem like a lot more fun when there's someone else around.
    Outside influences are pretty hard to ignore. Parents nag and drop hints about grandchildren. Friends in relationships "forget" to send  social invitations. Co-workers set up blind dates with men who make the average peeping Tom look like an innocent schoolboy. The pressure to be part of a couple never seems to let up. It often looks like the world was made for pairs – and the rest of us have no choice but to keep quiet and deal with it.
    Want to know a little secret? It doesn't have to be this way! One of the best parts about life is choice. Believe it or not, you can choose to be happy, whether you have a date for Cousin Betty's wedding or not. You may have to work on it a little, and you may need to use some ingenuity, but it's definitely possible to be content when you're alone. Not only is it possible, but it's absolutely necessary!
    Think about it like this: more and more people in the world are staying single for longer and longer. If you're single at this very moment, odds are you'll be single for at least the next hour or so. Keeping that in mind, does it make sense to spend your time miserable, obsessing over what you don't have? Or is it a little more reasonable to make the most of the life you have right now?
    Also, I hate to be the one to bring it up, but spending your days pining for romance isn't going to improve your chances of meeting the right person. If anything, it's going to make you desperate and unattractive to the very people you'd like to impress – or, even worse, set you up to settle for less than you deserve. If you're in a hurry to end your days of sitting in the dark with a bunch of tissues watching The Notebook, you might end up grabbing the first thing that comes along – which is going to cause you more trouble than being single ever could. In my experience,  a lot of women will put up with any amount of mistreatment – including lying, cheating and plain old indifference – in the name of having someone.

10:29 AM - 31 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

The book has been published!
Category: Writing and Poetry

Dear blog buddies,

As of last night, yours truly published her book on Lulu.com!!!

I Shot the Cherub.

The title is:  I Shot the Cherub: a Single Woman's Guide to Surviving Valentine's Day. It is, of course, a guide to surviving Valentine's Day, written for women who tend to feel lonely, angry or depressed during the holiday. Anyone who reads it will recognize some of my favorite blog entries in it, and there's much more of my trademark (so I hope) wisdom contained therein. It also contains my famous (and I know this part to be true) recipe for spinach artichoke dip.

I am all at once excited and nervous. I wrote an actual book! I think I may be in shock.

So while I try to recover from said shock, I'd like to thank everyone who's been so supportive of me throughout this project. It's a quick read, but a lot of work went into it, and it was more than helpful to know that there were people believing in me.

I also owe more thanks than I can possibly give to my lovely and talented editor, as well as to my boyfriend, (I finished the first draft of the book right around the time I met him- odd how that works, isn't it?) who formatted it, helped with the cover art (yes, that's my own drawing) and gave it a final proofread. I do believe that man worked on my book almost as much as I did!

Thanks for listening to book rambling!

Love,

Queen Vicky :)

7:51 AM - 60 Comments - 56 Kudos - Add Comment

What ever happened to Sarah Jane?
Category: Life

First if all, silly me for revealing my middle name! I generally tend to keep it to myself. It's not so much that I dislike the name, of course- it's just that it, in combination with my first name, sounds rather... rural. Don't you think?

Second of all, hello to everyone in Blogland! I've missed you so! I've been a busy, busy Queen lately- and then some. For anyone who's been kind enough to stick around, here's what I've been up to...

1.) Moving. Yes, again! The first place, you see, was temporary. I am now in my *real* place, and so far I love it. Especially since there's an indoor pool within walking distance. *Swoons.* I love me some pool.

2.) Unpacking. My things came from storage! Among them, of course, were my beads. An entire storage trunk of them, no less. You can bet  I've been tinkering around with the remainder of my silver. I've also been planning to order some new things, especially from my friend...

3.) The Beadmeister. I mentioned him a few months ago, I think. I always had a little crush on him in Vermont, and we corresponded briefly last month. During this time he let me know that I was "eye candy" to him and that, like a couple of teenage girls, he and Bead Store Steve would gossip over the phone whenever I came in. They described me by what he referred to as "certain fine anatomy." *Ahem.* I'm sure they just liked my hair.

4.) Working. The job at the bead store is keeping me busy. I've been picking up an extra shift here and there, teaching jewelry making classes (I have quite a few of those lined up! Weeee!) and thinking of some neat little holiday ideas.

There's also the transcription job that my friend the PhD student was kind enough to give me. I like transcription! When two scientists are whispering and talking over each other, coughing, and sitting under an air vent... putting together what the heck they're saying is quite a puzzle.

5.) Visitors. My aunt came to visit and help with the unpacking. Nice of her, wasn't it? She also chaperoned me at the pool to make sure that I didn't, you know, drown like a mouse in a mayonnaise jar (I just made that up).

6.) More visitors! The PhD student came to visit for the weekend, and I can't begin to describe the fun we had! We had Thai food, I cooked him spinach artichoke dip, a chicken parmesan-ish dish, macaroni and cheese, French toast, and chocolate marble pumpkin cheesecake. Not all at once, mind you. We went to the park and watched ducklings, played in the water at the beach, and made several thousand silly jokes about Sean Connery (it turns out, I do an excellent, uncanny impression of him). Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but... he's just about the neatest person I've ever met. *Grins widely.* He could easily become one of my best friends.

7.) Cooking. Now that my book has mostly been written, I've been experimenting with recipes. The macaroni and cheese dish is very nice, though I may tweak it a little, just to get it perfect. And the chocolate marble pumpkin cheesecake? The one that I'd been planning to create for more than a year? Well, I just finished the last of it. It's... amazing. Nine out of ten PhD students agree. If anyone has any recipes they'd like to see in the book, I'm open to suggestions!

8.) Reading. I picked up the most wonderful book. I've only been able to read a few pages here and there, but it always seems to be enough.

9.) Not writing. With all the moving, exercising, working, entertaining and cooking I've been doing... I've had no time to write! *Sigh.* I really should correct that. Can't call myself a writer if I don't, you know... do any of it! I have a few blogs lying around in WordPerfect, but... they became very, very long. Enough to make a ten part series of each. So I think... I'll save them for a rainy day.

That's what's going on in my life! Things are very nice. I hope that all of you are doing well, and amazed, touched, shocked thanks to anyone who waited for me.

What's been going on with all of you? Give me the juicy details!

Love,

Queen Vicky Jane.

8:05 AM - 52 Comments - 48 Kudos - Add Comment

Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Hello, everyone out there in Blogland!

Just a quick note to let you know that I am, in fact, still alive.

I'm making progress on the book, which has its very own profile (easily found on my "friends" list for anyone who's curious). I have a job of sorts, working in a bead store and playing with various wonderful, sparkly objects.

On top of that I have a very nice new friend, and he's been keeping me amused with various puns and witty remarks.  I'm looking forward to cooking him dinner when he comes to visit in the end of October, and I have a feeling that he will leave my place at least ten pounds heavier than when he arrived. Stop wiggling your eyebrows at me, you dirty birdies! No hanky panky here.

I also have a few more emotional issues to sort out, and they've been making me very cranky lately. If anyone has any advice on how to move on after you've been seriously wronged, all the while knowing that the guilty party has gotten off without a scrape (and has in fact succeeded in convincing the people you care about that you are an unreasonable, unstable witch while he or she is the innocent victim, in spite of the fact that everything he or she says is like an onion, with more eye-stinging lies under every layer) I'd like to hear it.

One of my biggest problems, aside from being unable to just let things go, is that I have a very strong, if not obsessive, sense of justice. I want it. I crave it. When I don't get it, it impacts my daily life and causes me to fly off the handle like an American-made basket.

That's what's been going on with me. More positively lame apologies for disappearing, and more positively true statements that I miss and care for all of you a whole, whole lot. I'll get my rear in gear soon, and until then, don't forget me when I'm gone!

Please?

Love,

A somewhat incoherent and cranky Queen Vicky.

10:32 AM - 67 Comments - 57 Kudos - Add Comment

"I'm such a needy broad," she said sarcastically.
Category: Romance and Relationships

I know that these days, the less intelligent in the male species think that  women who have their own wants and needs- aside from the need to be doormats or sex toys- are needy, clingy broads. Apparently, any mistreatment we receive in relationships is our own damn fault for trying to change those poor, innocent men. *Rolls eyes.* How dare we pretend to be human beings! We really should know better.

Personally, I think just the opposite. A woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it is a smart gal, indeed. There's a better chance she'll get it. A woman who isn't willing to settle for less has an excellent chance of finding someone really and truly amazing- and leaving the previously mentioned stupid men with their usual supply of hookers.

That being said, here's what I'm looking for...

I want someone who accepts all my quirks. Someone who doesn't try to shape me into his ideal. I'm not a caterpillar, half-formed and waiting to become a butterfly. I'm a bright, shiny beetle, solid and comfortable in my own shell.

I don't wear dresses because they make me feel prissy. Forget ruffles and bows, I'll stick with my jeans and boots. I order steak, not salad, in restaurants. I go library hopping instead of bar hopping, and I'll take book stores over dance clubs every time. I love cartoons, not the news, and while books make me squeak happily, newspapers get ink all over my fingers and make me cranky- because somehow, that ink always finds its way onto my face. The only person who can change these things is... me. So far, I don't want to.

I want someone who looks at my goals in life-both what I want and what I don't-and not only accepts them, but appreciates them. Someone who tells me to settle for less has already done so in his own life. Someone who tells me I'll change my mind doesn't have one of his own. Someone who ignores what I want, hoping to drown me in his own agenda, is a selfish, selfish ass who won't get a minute of my time.

I want someone who can listen when I need it. Really, really listen. If a man keeps trying to fix things, it just upsets me more. Not only do I have to deal with my own problems, but I have to handle his frustration over the fact that he can't piece me back together like a broken watch. I can't deal with that when I'm upset. Forget about straws, it's like the Steinway Piano that broke the camel's back.

I want a man who actually hears me when I speak. Those dreadful family sitcoms have men convinced that the only things women can discuss are shoes, relationships and diets, but that isn't true. I have stories to tell and dirty jokes to make. If a man only hears "blah, blah, blah... shoes," he has a banana in his ears and nothing between them.

I want a man who is strong enough to deal with my emotions. I'm a real, functional human being, and I have real feelings- even if they aren't always pleasant. If someone can't handle a little extra emotion when I'm going through a tough time in my life, then I can't trust him during the easier times, either. If a man can't deal with anger, sadness, anxiety and sarcasm... he should get a gerbil, not a Sarah.

I want someone who's direct. Straightforward. I don't want to play silly games to see if he's interested in me, I don't want to distance myself from him just to get his attention, and I don't want him to pull pathetic stunts to get a response out of me. It was fun for the first twenty-five years of my life, but I'm just too impatient these days.

Finally, I want someone who's actually a decent human being. No more liars, cheats, or manipulative pricks. No more men who blame me for the horrible things they do. It's not my fault you're a scumbag. Honestly.

That's what I'm looking for, provided that I'm ever ready for it. I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone like this, and to be honest, I don't even know if it's a realistic goal for me, given my track record. Of course, in the very back of my mind, I'll always be hoping.

And in the front of my mind? Well, I won't settle for anything less.

11:09 AM - 84 Comments - 64 Kudos - Add Comment

Friendship divorce?
Category: Friends

The funny thing about people is, we never know how long they'll be in our lives. There are no guarantees, even for the closest friendships. Things happen. People lie. People fight. People say things they don't mean, and plenty of things they do. And... friendships end.

It's hard enough when this happens, but when there are other people involved, it's always worse. Mutual friends never really know what to expect, and former friends don't know how to handle the change in the social circle. It's a big, fat mess.

It's very easy to get caught up in pressuring friends to take sides, to give them information in hopes of swaying them, and to result to childish tactics like name calling or public humiliation. Of course, that usually results in losing all friendships- and nobody wants that.

That's why I've decided to help. For those of you who don't know, I come from what the less enlightened in society would call a "broken" home. When I was just a tyke, my parents split. It was the best for all involved, and as an added bonus, it taught me a lot about how parents getting divorced should act when children are involved.

What does this have to do with lost friendships? Well, I believe that they should be handled just like divorce. It's important for the feuding parties to get clear of each other, to remove themselves from harm and to move on, but it's also important for them to keep the feelings of other parties-the "children"- in mind. To rise above their feelings of anger and hurt and  betrayal and put others first, in some aspects.

So, without much further ado, here is my recipe for a healthy and mature "friendship divorce."

1.) "Mommy and daddy are no longer together, but we still love you." There's nothing wrong with letting friends know that a friendship divorce has taken place. It's important, however, to let them know that their own friendships aren't in jeopardy.

2.) "Mommy and daddy are having problems, and we're really mad at each other- but it's our problem, not yours." The worst thing you can do is get mutual friends involved in your problems. I know it's hard, but keep those sordid details to yourself, or vent to someone who isn't so involved. If you don't, you'll only cause trouble for yourself. After all, people like to believe whatever is easiest to believe. It's much easier for a child to accept that mommy is mistaken than to admit that daddy cheated on her with the lady from his office. And the man from his office. And the lion at the zoo.

Does that mean that you need to pretend that things are all sunshine and bunnies? Of course not! Just stick to expressing your feelings, and keep it simple. "Daddy hurt me" or "mommy upset me" are good enough.

Does that mean that you should stand by while your "ex" slanders you? Definitely not. If you need to clarify, do so. Just do it in the most tactful way possible.

Does this mean that you should deny everything if the truth is discovered? Nope! That's confusing- and just plain silly. If the truth is uncovered, or if it's so obvious that people can't help but notice, give a brief, honest account of things- but again, leave all those vicious details out.

3.) "Mommy and daddy both want to be a part of your lives. You don't have to choose!" Push friends in one direction or another, even if you're the one who was wronged, and they're probably going to take the side that isn't yours. Even worse, they'll be confused and torn up! Spare them. Learn to share, and don't insult your "ex" around them.

That's all I've got for now. Thanks for reading!

2:21 PM - 59 Comments - 52 Kudos - Add Comment

Sex! Now that I have your attention...
Category: Romance and Relationships

As time goes on, I find myself responding to more and more tags. This one is just a little different than the others, and it took me right out of my comfort zone as a writer and a Victorian Queen. In other words, it was an excellent challenge.

The following are six sex-related facts about me. *Gasp!* Read them if you dare...

1.) I'm not sure if I'm ever going to have sex again.

Stop shaking your head in disbelief! I'm serious! The thing is, I've decided that sex without love, or at the very least, without trust, is simply not something that I'm willing to take part in. At the same time, I'm also pretty darn sure that it would take nothing short of a miracle for me to trust another man like that. My past and my present are screaming in my ear, just as loud as they possibly can, and they're telling me to run away at the first hint of physical attraction, whether it's on my end, his end, or mutual.

Top it all off with the fact that I'm a supreme hypochondriac, and you have the perfect recipe for "it's just not going to happen."

2.) I'm honestly not sad about this.

Don't cry for me, Blogland! The truth is, I could think of worse things in life. Things like, say, going without writing. Or chocolate. Or Ralph Lauren jeans. Or puppies. I'm an affectionate person by nature, to the point where I often joke about having a lap dog complex, but when it comes to sex? I could take it or leave it. As long as I get hugs.

3.) Forget tan skin and rippling muscles. The thing that really gets my motor running is...

Skill with the English language. I could never, ever, ever, in a trillion years, feel attraction for a man who doesn't capitalize his letters when he writes or confuses the words "you're" and "your." A man with an expansive vocabulary and correct grammar, on the other hand? *Swoons.*

4.) Forget wavy blonde hair and blue eyes. What really gets my attention is...

Progressive thinking. Give me a man who thinks that a woman's job is to stay at home and knit, and he's going to seem uglier than Quasimodo. Give me a man who looks at women as more than his own personal servants, a man who is strong enough to be attracted to feminism, a man who knows that women are thinkers and dreamers and complicated people with their own interests and goals in life, a man who can do his own laundry, and... I might rethink the whole "no sex" thing.

Note: not knocking women who choose to stay at home. Just knocking men who believe that women shouldn't have a choice at all. Men like that should be dressed in tutus and forced to dance in public. At strip clubs. Male strip clubs.

5.) The absolute sexiest thing that a man can do is...

Find me entertaining. I know myself pretty well, so I'm familiar with my need for attention- especially if it's in the form of laughter. I have stories to tell, funny cartoon voices to use, and puns to make. Oh, so many puns! A man who can listen to these, and who can't get enough of them, is a man who'll make me look twice.

6.) Another sexy thing that a man can do is...

Know his way around the kitchen. I am a self-proclaimed Food Geek. I love talking about food, cooking food, and eating food. There is nothing more fun in this entire world than cooking with someone else.

So, there we have it! No, it wasn't quite as dirty as it could have been. What can I say? I'm not that kind of Queen, and I don't do that sort of thing!

10:35 AM - 62 Comments - 53 Kudos - Add Comment