Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 34
Sign: Pisces
State: Virginia
Country: US
Signup Date:
06/24/05
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Friday, August 01, 2008
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An apology to all
Current mood:  anxious
So sorry to all of you who have written to me, and have not received responses. No one has. I have been in the hospital and then had to rehab at home for 3 weeks, and now although I am in extreme pain, I am finally back to work.
I have two ruptured disks, a herniated disk, which is pressing the nerve cluster in the lower portion of the back, disk degeneration, and due to the inclusion of the sciatic nerves in the cluster that is being pressed, leg pain as well.
I now walk with a cane, and although I am ambulatory, it is slow and painful.
I am telling everyone this, not for pity( because I don't want it or need it), but so that everyone will know that I am thinking of you, I'm just unable to come out of my little world right now.
I have no computer, and no way to use the internet, so I barely can come on here at all even when I was well. I had no way to do so. Except for a few moments at my friend's house as I am now.
To all of you I apologize.
Best wishes.
~Kelly
11:49 PM
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6 Comments - 6 Kudos
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Wednesday, August 29, 2007
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Savannah’s Story....
Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Life
Below is the story of my best friend Frances's daughter Savannah. She has touched my life, and hopefully she will touch yours as well. Please pass this story on, and on, and on. Maybe if everyone reads it, one day they will find a cure.
I copied and pasted this from Frances's blog page..It can be found directly Here.
When Savannah Smiles
Destiny comes in many forms and shows up in various places, usually when we expect it the least. It is the inaudible whisper of intuition that warns us when something doesn't feel right. It may be the spring of cupid's bow, heard only by two soul mates when they meet for the very first time. I believe in destiny. Some call it fate, chance or divine intervention. Whatever you choose to label it, I know it well. My daughter Savannah has helped me discover mine.
She is very petite and fragile, yet has the capacity to touch the most hardened hearts of the strongest men, and the ability to bring them to their knees. She constantly wrings her tiny hands together throughout the day, as if devising her next clever scheme to wrap another 'unbreakable' manly heart around her little finger. Her huge, brilliant blue eyes speak for her, as well as her perpetual smile. Her alabaster skin makes her appear very much like a porcelain doll. All of these effects combine to brighten up even my darkest days. Maybe I am biased, but at seven years old she is already a spectacular beauty.
She can no longer walk, talk or use her hands, but I have learned over the past five years how to connect with her on another level, where words are not needed. She has shown me the way to a fulfilling and blessed life that I would never have experienced without her. Everyday that passes I am thankful that she was sent to me just the way she is. She is a precious gift and I consider myself lucky to be her mother.
I used to think my purpose in life was to be a nurse. I started nursing school in 1996, just before my twenty second birthday. I already had one child, three year old Cameron, with my husband Chris (Some of you know him as John C. N. instead of Chris.) We met in high school and are still together today, 15 years later.
Back then we were an innocent, naïve young family. We had very little money but were both rich in dreams and ambition. When I graduated nursing school in May 1998, my persistence and hard work paid off. I was awarded with a scholarship check for finishing at the top of my class; first among 40 other nurses.
The pride I felt professionally, made it a little easier to bear the difficulties we were facing at home. We had been trying to have another baby for three years. I was diagnosed with 'secondary infertility', and after countless doctor visits they eventually discovered the reason why I could not conceive. Nine months after finishing nursing school I learned that I was pregnant with Savannah!
We were elated that another dream was coming true. After 'trying' so hard for so long our family would be complete! Cameron was thrilled too! As soon as he found out that I was pregnant he picked out the name for his new little sister: "Princess Leia". I didn't know it then but my destiny had just been determined. Our lives would never be the same.
Savannah was born October 8, 1999, tipping the scale at a modest seven pounds. Her hair and eyebrows were blonde and her eyes were big and blue. She was perfect in every way. Just as I had with Cameron, I loved her instantly. Never before had I experienced a feeling of such completion. Adding Savannah to our family made me feel as if all was right with the world. It was as if our family and my heart were finally whole. Nothing could go wrong…. Oh, how wrong I was.
As Savannah grew and developed she did everything 'by the book'. She hit almost every milestone on time or ahead of time. By her first birthday she had an extensive vocabulary, was putting words together and carried her favorite doll (that she had named "Baby") around everywhere. I started to be concerned that by 1 year old she was still just crawling. She could pull herself up to stand, but she was still not walking. The doctors assured me initially that there was nothing to be concerned about. (She did start walking when she was 17 months old, but ultimately lost that ability just 9 months later.)
When some of these first signs of regression began, I was the only person who noticed anything. Immediately I flashed back to my nursing studies. I frantically searched through "Pediatric: Growth and Development" both in my memory and nursing books. Meanwhile, Savannah lost more words, more abilities and drifted further away from us emotionally. It soon became painfully clear to everyone, not just the nurse in me, that there was something horrible going on with Savannah.
For months she seemed severely Autistic. She no longer made eye contact at all. She started screaming and it literally lasted for 6 months…..every waking moment she screamed. Nothing I did could console her or get her to stop. She slept very little. When she finally did sleep it was the only respite anyone in our house got from her screams. They echoed in our ears and hearts. I have since heard it said that girls with RS can feel their skills being ripped away from them, that is why so many scream during regression.
I was constantly seeking help and advice from every doctor and specialist I could get to see Savannah. None had a clue what could be wrong with her. When I finally heard the words Rett Syndrome, I set out quickly for answers to the hundreds more questions those two words raised. I spent countless days and sleepless nights reading, researching, web-surfing, asking questions and hysterically crying. The Rett Syndrome diagnosis fit her like a glove but I kept searching, desperately hoping to find some other disorder to rule out R.S. I wanted it to be anything except that! I understood the terminology and the prognosis, and all the information I gathered was grim (it was also very outdated). Her future looked bleak, not to mention painfully short, if she in fact had R.S.
I felt cursed because I had a nursing background. Why hadn't I just quit? I did not want to know anything medical at that point in time. I never imagined that I could regret my success and determination, but it was haunting and mocking me as I learned more about this horrific disorder.
Rett Syndrome (RS)
August 23, 2001 was a beautiful, perfectly clear, warm summer day. It turned out to be the worst day of my life. Savannah was definitively diagnosed with Rett Syndrome on that day. I will never forget anything about it: the car ride to Richmond and back, what we all were wearing, how Savannah smelled and how I still had to chase her down when she ran away from us in the waiting room. Every bittersweet memory is tattooed on my brain.
Rett Syndrome is a neurological disorder that affects mainly girls; it is almost always fatal in boys. It is a genetic disorder caused by a mutation on the X chromosome. Most girls are born and develop normally until between the ages of 6-18 months, then suffer through a regression, which can last weeks or months. After regression they lose all or most of the skills they had previously. Thankfully, Savannah also lost all of the autistic-like features that she developed during her regression. She once again makes perfect eye contact. Not every girl with Rett Syndrome is so lucky. Almost all girls are left with profound, lifelong disabilities.
Apraxia, or the inability to get the body to follow the brain's instruction, is the most disabling aspect of R.S. She knows what she wants to do but cannot get her body to obey. The most common characteristic of Rett Syndrome is the stereotypical hand movements (i.e.: wringing, rubbing, washing or tapping). These hand movements are universal to all girls with Rett Syndrome. Breathing dysfunction, hyperventilation or breath holding are common as well.
Like many other girls with R.S., Savannah has a seizure disorder. She gets most of her nutrition via G-tube. In addition, She has a pacemaker and severe insulin dependent diabetes mellitus (Type 1 or juvenile diabetes). She has had an insulin pump since last May. It has made a miraculous difference in her blood sugars. Chris and I call her the "bionic girl" because of all of the medical gear she wears!
It has been an emotional roller coaster for our family, to say the least. I have not always felt the way I described at the beginning of this story. I have not always felt that destiny was fair or kind to us. It has taken me a long time emotionally to get to where I am now. I did not begin this 'new life' with R.S. delighted that Savannah had her chances for a 'normal' future ripped away from her. FAR from it! I fought this fate and cursed it with every ounce of my being.
I was terribly angry that it threatened the life of my only daughter. I was particularly outraged at the cruelty of this disorder. I lost my faith in God, society and most of all, myself. I have cried a river of tears and watched helplessly as Savannah has endured multiple medical atrocities.
I have discovered what real friends are. I learned very quickly who cares and who only pretends that they care. People who claimed to be friends, and even our own families have simply vanished without a trace, or come in and out of our life when it is convenient. These people barely even recognize Savannah's existence.
In spite of everything, the lessons Savannah has helped me learn, especially about the value of the smallest accomplishments, are priceless. I realize wondrous moments everyday that many parents never get to have, or that most simply take for granted: A loving smile at every greeting and immeasurable joy and happiness just snuggling with her. Savannah has taught me the most about life, more than any teacher or other adult ever has or could. She does all of this without ever saying a word.
My life has been anything but easy. Knowing how much Savannah has to endure, most of the time with a smile, helps me find the strength I need to get through each day. The two back surgeries I had are nothing compared to what she has gone through in her short life. I am awed by her strength and find in her the inspiration I need to keep going when times get rough.
Caring for her is my fate and I am glad she chose me; she is my baby, my teacher and my friend. My two boys need me now, but one day they will grow up and create lives of their own. I will always need Savannah…. Perhaps even more than she needs me.
Savannah has 2 brothers: Cameron 13 and Levi 3
Frances is now a stay at home mom/nurse for Savannah and her boys.
Please help spread awareness about Rett Syndrome!
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Currently
listening
:
Angel Voices
By
Steven Geraghty
Release date: 25 October, 2006
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10:11 AM
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2 Comments - 2 Kudos
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Friday, August 24, 2007
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I’m from Virginia Bitches..
Category: Life
From a bulletin I have copied pasted and then added my own spin to...Enjoy, and feel free to add along....
Body: somebody from California apparently wrote the top part, but somebody from Louisiana came back and put them on their asses at the bottom. And whoever that was, GOD BLESS YOU!~~Casey P.
CALIFORNIA:
- I can wear sandals all year long
- I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore"
-Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter than yours. Well...Miami can hang.
- I say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and I say them often
- I know what real cheese & avocados taste like
-Everyone smokes weed and its no big deal
-We'll roll up 40 deep when something goes down.
-I live next door to Mexicans, but we call them American's!
-All the porn you watch is made here, cause we're better and thats how it is
- I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear
- I know 65 mph really means 100
- When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road
- The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border)
- My governor can kick your governors ass
- I can go out at midnight
-You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code
- I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD
- We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"
No cop no stop baby!
- I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day
- All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here
- We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!
- We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them)
- I have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means MY opinion means more than yours, which means I'm better than you [geez.... hahaha]
- The best athletes come from here
*******IF YOU'RE FROM CALIFORNIA, REPOST THIS*************IF YOU'RE NOT, GO SIT IN A CORNER AND CRY******
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
LOUISIANA:
Ahem... So.. Um.. yeah... I read this, and thought I would reply...
Hey... California listen up... Louisiana is where its at!
- I too can wear sandals all year long... plus I can put on boots to stomp your toes and I won't even stick out.
- You may be able to go to the "beach" instead of the "shore"... but can you go to the drive thru "Beer Barn?" What now surfer bitch?
- You're chicks aren't way hotter than ours... they are almost equal... and thats only due to silicone, saline, botox, lasers and hair dye... We have the real ones and they can beat yall's ass.
- We're taught to say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" and respect our elders because of it. We also say "Howdy" and "fixin" and "Y'all" are pretty much recognized right away anywhere in the world :) We're fuckin famous.
- You may know what real cheese and avocados taste like... but I know what 100% Grade A Angus Beef tastes like. Who wants avocados and cheese when you can have steak and potatoes?
- Haha... who do you think grows the weed and sells it to you?
- Why roll 40 deep when something goes down if 5 corn fed country boys can get the job done...
- I live next door to americans, but we call them fuckin mexicans
- You gotta watch porn? you're a fuckin a loser, go play in the street!
- Why would you brag about not getting snow days off?
- We're smart enough to know 65mph means 65, but our speed limit is 70.
- - When someone cuts me off, they get run over by my big ass truck, then I give them the finger, wave my pistol and tell them to go back to fucking california.
- The drinking age is 21, but if you aren't chasin the beer by 1 yr old... you're behind. people from louisiana are the best drinkers in the world! THE WORLD!
- You can go out at midnight? Well thats nice pansy, we're still havin our pre-party that started at 5pm by the time midnight rolls around.. the real shit ain't even got started yet.
- Ok... you said,"You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code" and as hard as I try I have no idea what you're talking about... I think you're watching too much tv.
B/C when we say where we're from it's either this side or that side of a bayou, river,or swamp.
- Yeah, you'll definitely get looked at funny when you come to visit but we have another name for you pretty boys, and its not greek... its french.
- Of course you don't stop at stop signs... none of you can fuckin drive.
- You can pick up Real mexican food 24 hours a day huh... well I can swing by home depot and pick up 24 Real mexicans anytime of day. Can you say... catering?
- You can keep your golden state... The shits overrated anyways!
- Do I have to remind you about the drive thru Beer Barn again? Does In-N-Out serve alcohol? I think not!
- You guys have the best athletes huh?... yeah well we got LSU. enough said.
- Football is a religion, not a sport
- In Louisiana, football means football, not soccer. you guys are fuckin puds!
- Louisiana is the only state that can fly its flag above the United States flag! stick that in your ass and light it!
Come on louisiana Show Your Colors! Repost!
Hell yeah!!! I thought I would add to this as, 1: I have lived in Louisiana
and it IS fucking awesome, and 2: I feel like it.
So:
To all the Lousianians:
You... Rock!
Beer Caves... Rock!
Lousiana has HOT chicks. True! Very true. And they are just as tan, and just as hot, but look real, not like anorexic Barbie. All but Britney Spears
who is a poor representation of Lousiana.
Crawdaddys..Enough said.
Party? HA! Californians don't know the meaning of party! In Lousiana everyone parties together. AND No one gives a fuck about zip codes, just whether everyone put in money for the keg, chips, party ball, keg, Soda, Jack, keg, pretzels, Jim, and perhaps..the keg.
LSU, Grambling, the Saints (who may not always win, but they will fucking kick ass trying)
Porn? Ha! In Lousiana you can find stores where you can rent porn, get your hair cut, and buy beer for the ride home. Beat that!
Now....For the Virginia side of it all!
I'm from Virginia Bitches!! Oh yeah!
We have hot chicks too. And we come in all colors shapes, sizes, and are intelligent to boot. Let California beat that.
We also have to pay $200 for a haircut, and color..But we don't get treated as if we are ugly slime, and should be on our knees grateful to be taken care of by the stylist when we do.
We know how to party too, but we do it in cow shit covered fields in the middle of the night...Nothing like the hilarity of watching some drunk ass idiot fall down in cow shit...Good times!
We know how to fish (salt and freshwater!), hike, surf, climb mountains, boogie board, ski (Cross country and downhill!), Build a snowman, tube (river and snow!), bike (motorcycle, dirt, bmx, and trick), skate (roller, blade, and ice), jet ski, water ski, boat, raft, canoe, sail, cliff dive, bridge dive, rock jump, parasail, bungee, and so much more all without leaving our state, which is a third of the size of California!
Our governer may not be able to kick your Governer's ass but he's literate, American, and doesn't sound retarded.
We eat cheese and avacadoes, too. Big whoop. Hell, we like 'em both... right beside a thick juicy steak. We know how to eat like people here..not rabbits.
We can grow wine anywhere in our state, not just the valley.
We are a food mecca. Virginia has wine, peanuts, bacon, sausage, grapes, apples, corn, beer, honey, jam, jelly, beef, lamb,crawfish, cider, milk, cheese, candy, melons, fruits, vegetables, soybeans, and pretty much anything you can think of, all grown, processed, and available here.
We DO get snow days, and in the summer before school ends...We get some days off for the high heat index, too.
We wear sandals, too. And heels, boots, sneakers, waders, flippers, flip-flops, whatever the day requires.
We someone cuts us off, we give them the finger too, but we do it with style. After all, they're probably from California, and don't know any better.
We say "like" too, and "for sure" "right on" "gnarly", etc. ..When we're making fun of Californians.
You're state may be Golden...but Virginia is for lovers!!
We don't need porn....don't give a shit about your "real" mexican food....And you're women who move here usually wind up dancing on our poles.
So put that in your chimichangas!
~Kelly
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Currently
listening
:
Yes, Virginia...
By
The Dresden Dolls
Release date: 18 April, 2006
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7:32 AM
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7 Comments - 6 Kudos
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Tuesday, May 08, 2007
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What the hell?
Current mood:  curious
Category: Life
Yes, yes..I know I said I wouldn't be back, but we all know I am addicted. My name is Kelly and I'm a blogaholic. Aren't you so very lucky? I wish I could have replied to all of your sweet sweet comments but, sadly I am on dial up here at work, and would be old and gray before all the replies made it through. Sorry. I love you all.
So, yesterday I am in the local Bloom. I love me some Bloom. For those of you who are saying "WTF is a bloom, you dumbass?" First off, FU too! Do you have to be so harsh? Secondly, Bloom is what used to be Food Lion, they upgraded it so they could charge higher prices and make us all feel as if that's ok. Being as the store offers a coffee bar, and an Olive bar, really crappy sushi, my god it's likes slimy sponges, and a lobster tank, a computer touch screen that will give you recipes and whatnot, and at least four self service lanes, all the patrons feel as if they are really in Giant. Only it's still not as expensive as Giant, so everyone feels justified in spending more for the same shit they have always bought.
Still, sucker that I am, I am just as bad. It is better than food Lion was after all. Anyway, I digress..Sorry! I have ADD!
As I am wandering through, I notice Katherine Mcphee on the cover of some glamour type magazine, and it says something about how gorgeous she is. Which, she is. However she is also Bulimic. How can anyone justify making this girl an icon? How? She came out into the public eye and stated she has bulimia. Now she's listed as this gorgeous person. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this? I really should have bought the damned thing. truly. Just to see if they interviewed her and asked her about it. People who have bulimia don't typically tell anyone. It's not pretty after all. Yet, there she is pretty as a peach. And young girls everywhere want to be just like her.
In today's society where everyone is judged by weight, young girls have a hard enough time. Food becomes the enemy as they starve themselves skinny. They take up smoking, and pop pills they can buy at any local gas station. Why oh why do they need some starlet prancing around looking gorgeous in her bulimic state? At least Mary kate or Ashley, whichever twin it was, had the decency to look like crap. Like a cadaver in a long shirt, and hat. But, here's Katherine just glowing away.
Maybe it's because I have an 8 yr. old little girl who is rail thin, and still frets over how she looks..Already! She is absolutely gorgeous! Gorgeous! Pride fills me every time I look at her, and she has no idea of this.I tell her all the time how beautiful she is, and still she doesn't know. It breaks my heart. Not so long ago I was the same way. I never ate. Anorexic for most of my life, I always fretted over weight. Especially after I had the kids. That weight was almost impossible to get off of me. Then, I wised up. Life is about so much more. So very much. I'm skinny, yes, but I watch what I eat now, and actually do eat. I would still love to have lypo done..See the sickness? LOL. But, I'm healthy and happy with myself for the most part.
Katherine Mcphee has a hell of a voice. She sings like a dream, and should be recognized for that. Little girls should want to emulate her voice, but they'll try for the appearance every time instead. So sad that she made that public knowledge. It really bothered me. It did. That should be something she got help for to overcome. For herself. Not shared with the world.
Tell me your thoughts..Especially the ladies.
12:44 PM
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8 Comments - 12 Kudos
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007
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Well, hello there!
Current mood:  busy
Hello my blog lovin' fools! I have been yelled at repeatedly by too many people for not blogging recently. So, here we go! Hold on to your cookies boys and girls!
Seriously, this will be short and sweet, and may very well be my final blog. Too much has happened recently, and I have very little time to blog, and feel as if every single thing I say is being examined by certain parties, so I'll be taking a wee hiatus at the least.
Life is such a roller coaster. Luckily I enjoy the ride, and am able to keep a damned good outlook on it all if I do say myself. If it's a roller coaster we have, then I'll throw my arms in the air! (Isma, throw your arms up!) That was for you, Jessi! Muah!
I cannot thank my friends and family enough for the support, and love I have received. I am blessed. Thank you!
I'll leave all of you with amusing stories of my new job, working at the greenhouse with Craig. A true big brother, he picks on me mercilessly. If you happen to hear of a news item of a crazy woman jumping off a greenhouse roof, that'll be me! Gotcha Craig! ooo ka-burn!
It is fun, crazy, messy, dirty, hot, cold, wet, dry, all depends on what part of the greenhouse you happen to be in. There are three men in charge, none of which having the same answer to any given question. they speak the world's worst Spanglish to our workers, hilarious! What the hell is Moova? LOL! It's hectic at times, slow at others, and I love it.
Our customers are too funny! They either flirt with me, yell at me, or swear at me when they answer the phone when I call. The swearing is typically aimed at Craig, and so they think I am him when they see our number on their caller ID. "What the hell is going on there?", they say. And after I sweetly say "Excuse me sir?" They stumble over their own tongues trying to apologize. Too funny.
The desperation for certain flowers is amazing. they absolutely HAVE to have them. NOW! Nevermind, that we don't even carry these said flowers, or that we are out, or that they are an hour away. Nope, they want it all now. They put my ass kissing skills to good use. And my sales skills as well. By now I could sell a drowning man water, I am sure.
A cat just had kittens in the greenhouse. Literally, in the greenhouse, in the rows of begonias. There are three other cats, too. This cat is just laying there hidden in the begonias, happy as you please. Workers constantly in there working, something always being watered, Carts squealing, as they are pushed by with their loads of plants, and a cat has kittens in the middle of it all!
I have bruises all over me from Craig pinching me, and chasing me around the office. Ok, not really he's actually kicking my ass big bubba style. "Wanna fight?" he says. And I'm a goner. He even threw me across the entire office into the desk! CRACk went my neck into the lip of my desk, as I fell helplessly to the ground. HA! OMG! Got you again Craig! YEAH! Ok, so he tickled me, and I fell like a girl. So? I'll get him. Damn me and my big mouth for telling him that I can't stand to have anyone poke my bellybutton, it makes me feel like I'm going to pee. Hilarity for him, to try and make me, eleventy thousand times a week. Crap!
Soon, mark my words...Vengeance will be mine...
Truly, I love my job, it's fun, busy, and messy, just like me!
I hope all of you are well, and happy. Hugs to all.
~Kelly
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Currently
listening
:
Flowers
By
The Rolling Stones
Release date: 27 August, 2002
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5:44 PM
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10 Comments - 12 Kudos
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007
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Holy Mountain Oysters Batman!
Current mood: curious
The weak of stomach beware!!
Hundreds line up for sheep testicles :
VIRGINIA CITY, Nev. - Hundreds of people waited in lines for up to an hour for a chance to taste something different at the 16th annual Mountain Oyster Fry. Servers at five booths dispensed about 130 pounds of "fried oysters," or sheep testicles, at the Saturday event in this historic mining town about 25 miles southeast of Reno.
Visitors gave mixed reviews to the tiny morsels, which can be fried, barbecued, stuffed, or ground up and sauteed.
"People think, `Oh sheep testicles, gross,' but it was pretty good," said Amanda Palmer, 21, of nearby Carson City.
Among other things, the versatile meat has been used in tacos and sloppy Joes.
"We try to get families from all over to try them, but they're all `nuh-uh,'" said Shauna Reese, 32, of Reno. "It's just another tender meat."
Picture ahead..Not for the faint of heart..Just saying is all!..
yep.it's nasty!
Ummm..Gross. seriously. And why in the name of all that's holy would this woman who was quoted let herself be quoted in the paper? Let's just say I had me a yen for some sheep nuts. Now, I won't even eat a pork chop if the bone is in it, or anything with fat on it, so this would never.ever. happen, but, for the sake of argument, let's just say I took myself down to Virginia city, Nevada. (by the way, did it have to be Virginia city? Don't we Virginians have enough inbred, slackjawed morons running around without being associated with sheep balls in nevada?) but, I digress..
So, I have taken myself on down to Nevada, I stop in Reno to play blackjack, and as I sit with my head in my hands and cry, because we all know I have crappy ass luck, and would lose everything, I'd probably be leaving with a bathtowel, and one sock left, and I think to myself.. "Self..I should get me some Sheep cajones..Yeah..that sounds tasty.. Sheep nuts for me. So, I drag my bathtowel and sock over to get me some. Would I then say to the paper.." Hells yeah, I had me some! Thems was sure tasty ass damned sheep balls! mmm mm"
Hell NO! I'd run! If asked I may say, "well, yeah, I was curious"..Or I was drunk! yeah That's it! I was drunk! I think that would be it! And I tried them. If then someone said, "and, were they good?' I would suddenly have a pressing call, heard someone calling, had to leave, had to pick up someone, remembered it was my birthday, had diarrhea, anything to get away from admitting they were good. OOo so gross.
I am no prude. I have seen my share of man nuts, and cupped them blown on them to watch them move around, you know typical ball stuff, we all have ladies, let's be honest. But, sheep nuts..can't say I ever want a taste, thanks.
OK! Spam ya later!
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Currently
listening
:
Raunchy Business: Hot Nuts & Lollypops
By
Various Artists
Release date: 09 April, 1991
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8:41 AM
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16 Comments - 17 Kudos
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Monday, March 19, 2007
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The truth shall set you free! And other Ramblings..
Current mood: curious
Category: Life
Ahoy me hearties!! And how are we all feelin' after our weekends, hmm? I meself am exhausted and wishin for me bed!
I had a blast this weekend, and wish for many more like them! I needed some fun and frolic!
I went out with my gorgeous sister, we went to Borders, and made fun of everything, each other, and everyone we saw. A typical outing for us! Here's me holding the 'Loveless' cardboard display, some Anime thing:
And Jessi, she's searching for the anime guys Nipples, we all know!!!
Then we tried to get our tattoos, but the stupid dumb place was closed. Crap! This after we waited an hour and a half for them to open, technically we were in Borders and whatnot, but still! The tell us "nope, no can do, our guys aren't here today." But, I went to Fredericksburg, and I got my tattoo..Gorgeous it is!! see:
Ahhh yes, as Craig says..The truth hurts..It does indeed, Melissa can testify as she held my hand. I'm sure her fingers still hurt too! The tattoo artist was great and I feel so much better for having this. As if I now have truth with me wherever I go. I wish Jessi could have been there!! I'll still go with you for yours!! I love you!!!
After the Tattoo extravaganza, we headed for Alexandria for the frolicking! Calabash in Alexandria rocked! Craig's band 'Cover Up' played, and rocked the house down, as always. I will be pimping them out from time to time, as you need to come see them! Do it! Go here to learn more.
After three shots... sigh, The devil eyes..Why do I always have red eye in my pictures? jeez! Here I am with those devil eyes, humping my friends, two of which I met that night, and really am glad I did!! Great girls! Good times! And my lovely friend Melissa! Love ya!
You can't see it, as I am in the back, but I have 4 or 5 beaded necklaces on, one with a shotglass and a whistle, Melissa said it was in case I fell down, so someone would help me, (she's so funny!) But, I annoyed Craig while he played instead! AAhahahaa!!! aaah, Craig, me darlin! Eat Flesh!! That was for you! you funny ass! You can see in the reflection behind me, what looks like my asscrack! It is not, so don't get excited, that's just my tattoo. Yep, I have a tramp stamp, and am proud!
We then went to Denny's after the show for some lovely conversation, and some impolite staring from the other patrons I might add! At 3 o'clock in the morning we will all be as loud as obnoxious as we please thanks! Then we arrived back at the hacienda at 6 in the morning, we were dragging ass. I seriously considered a wheelbarrow to drag my ass in.
After lunch and shopping on sunday I picked up two of offspring at their Dad's, and then the third at his girlfriend's house, went home and crashed, like a lump I was! My poor dog had missed me!!!She's such a doll baby!
Tell me all about your weekends! Did you let the little leprechauns out to play?
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Currently
listening
:
The End of the Innocence
By
Don Henley
Release date: 19 June, 1989
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6:31 AM
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11 Comments - 12 Kudos
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Friday, March 16, 2007
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Smell me shillelagh..
Current mood:  ditzy
That's right! It's almost here! St. pat's in all it's green glory! Put that in yer bowl and toke it! The shamrocks, the shamrock lei's, shamrock pins, shamrock buttons, shamrock mugs, shot glasses, whistles, garlands, hats, shirts, green fingernails, green socks, green body paint, green flowers,green boobies!!! Ok, that's a little much, but still! I love me some St. pat's. I'll go tonight and get shamrock shakes for me and the kiddies at Mickey D's..They'd better have them!!!! 
Then tomorrow, the tattoo, and a night of frolic and fun with the band Cover Up, my friend Craig's band! Boo Yah!! We'll be in Alexandria at Calabash. Come out and whoop it up leprechaun style!!
Now, onto the news...in news today..Britney Spears has gone all postal on a paparazzi car with an umbrella. Personally, I would like to take back any finger pointing, and/or fun making of I may have said/done or blogged, before I find myself attacked with a pair of galoshes or something. Still, I love that stubbly head. What is wrong with me that I find that attractive, in men or women too. I love head stubblies.
Onwards to other random shit that flies through me noggin'. ...
I think from now on when we say goodbye to one another we should should all say.."Ok, Spam ya later!" Yep, don't cock up your eyebrow at that! I mean it.. How many useless spammy emails do we need! Zero! yet we are all guilty of forwarding the shit on!
I think I am smarter than a fifth grader, at least smart enough not to go on a show where they are going to make me look as if I am not! Christ people! That's the show's whole concept!! Do you really think they are going to say "Ooo lookie at the brainiac we have here, folks!! She knew that a centipede has long legs!" or whatever inanely stupid question they have stuck the contestant with. Really though, you only have to actually answer two questions for yourself. The other three can be your "cheats" and you get to $25,000, which you are guaranteed to walk away with. Of course after Uncle sam is done fisting you for his half {snicker}, you really only have like 47 dollars and a coupon for a free donut with purchase of a coffee at 7-11. I have to say I am not smarter than a fifth grader for that? Nah!
What kind of a message are we sending these kids of America now, though? If you cheat three times you get $25,000!! yay, we are breeding a whole new generation of cheaters that will be dumber than 10 year olds. I am thrilled....
Do you realize I have blogged 76 blogs now? And have had 941 commnets from you my beautiful readers! Muah! I love you! Yet, I have had 4,392 views of the blogs? WTF? Over 3,000 times someone lookie looked and ran? That makes me sad. I am friendly, I don't bite...hard..ahem, anyway.. Is it my breath?
OK! Spam ya later!
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Currently
listening
:
The Leprechaun
By
Lil' Flip
Release date: 24 October, 2000
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6:58 AM
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10 Comments - 10 Kudos
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Friday, March 09, 2007
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Howdy Doody Rotten Booties!
Current mood:  devious
Category: Life
Hello My bitches! That's right! I called you my bitches! Wtf are you gonna do? Cry? Cry me a river then! Don't forget your paddle! ...Ok..sorry, I was feeling my Wheaties, actually they were low fat strawberry pop tarts this morning, but so what? I was feeling those!
I am actually super dee duper excited. We are leaving for Rhode Island tomorrow morning, until monday. Road Trip!!! BooYAH! I'm gonna go to White castle!! Man, I really hope I see me a White Castle. I'm gonna shit twice and slap your ass!
Actually I'll probably just say, "OMG! It's a fucking White castle!" I tend to swear when I am excited..or angry..or sad...or awake.. Anyway, moving on..
Sadly, My nicotene habit has not been broken. I lasted 8 weeks and six days, and started again. Sigh...It's just soooo hard! So, I smoke one to two a day. It keeps me sane, and calm. Shuts the little leprechaun in my head up. The one that says.." oo now Kelly, ya can just hav yerself one, who are ya harmin'? None but yerself! Tell everyone to shut the fuck up and fuck off if they don't like it. Maybe you should kill them in their sleep. Here use me shillelagh!" LOL.
I gained ten pounds when I quit. That's like a pound a week! No, I didn't start up again because of that either. It just bears mentioning. Ten pounds! My jeans are too small! Again!! They were too big, I could pull them off without unbuttoning them. Now I can't button them. Crap. Stupid delicious fatty foods.
In other news...My son is now dating. Yes, I am officially old as shit. When the hell did this happen? He has a girlfriend? What? He's almost 14, and is growing a peach fuzz mustache? WTF!!??!! A mustache? Will he start calling it his stache? Or turn into Ron Jeremy?
This is Karma!!! For watching porn! See what happens when we watch porn boys and girls! We then have children who grow up and have mustaches!
He has a shitty attitude sometimes, and sulks, and pouts. Spare me! His girlfriend is very sweet, and they loooove each other. I . AM. OLD. Crap. Here I am wanting to sing in a band, and I'm getting a new tattoo, and my son is dating. Am I one of those?? You know, the old ladies at the mall with the tight pants and too much makeup? AAACCCKKKK. I am wearing a baby tee today!! With a cartoony fox on it!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK. That's it. I might as well start wearing big white panties, and support hose. I'll eat prunes and do crosswords with five cats and a tiny little annoying dog I'll name Moochy or something.
Ok, back to reality, but I do feel a panicky feeling as if I have missed something. There's been a joke played on me and I just don't get it. I'm still dealing with my own acne! Now I have a dating teen? Ok. Sure. Must..Get..Drunk..Shit! I can't drink. yep. I am screwed.
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Currently
listening
:
Old Bitch Warrior
By
Melanie
Release date: 28 February, 1996
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7:25 AM
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16 Comments - 13 Kudos
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007
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News Bulletin...
Current mood:  bitchy
Category: News and Politics
I tried and tried to post my news flash picture here, but no go. So I made it my profile pic! HA!
I have developed an unholy bloodthirst for liars. I fucking hate to be lied to. It insults my intelligence. It's as if the liar is saying.."Kelly will never figure this one out, I'll just tell her whatever the hell I want to, and live as I see fit." Well, fist yourself, I say.
So, here's a memo to all who know me, may meet me, or may be somewhere in the deep dark recesses of your minds be thinking of lying to me..Don't. Just don't. I will dwell on that lie until my mind swells up inside my brain. It's one of the things I can't tolerate. The others are typical. You know, don't murder me, molest my kids, or abuse them, or my animals, or me. Keep your fucking hands to yourself in anger. And don't lie. Ever. I would rather someone say to me "Kelly, you are a dumb cunt, and I hope you choke" then to lie to me.
It's just wrong. I try to live as honestly as possible. I may be weird, like devil music, have tattoos, and a pierced tongue. Swear too much, have little patience, and have ADD. I can be messy, lazy, and sloppy sometimes. Or clean impulsively at others. But, if those are my faults, I am doing ok.
I have made mistakes in the past, have cheated on exes, cheated on tests back in school, who didn't, thought murderous thoughts, who hasn't, and stole from the grocery when I thought I paid for something and was too lazy to go back in when I realized I didn't. So?
I try. I work hard. Love harder. I am reasonably attractive, can cook, paint, draw, sew, use hand and power tools, tell a corny joke, or a filthy one, have three gorgeous kids, and some great friends. And a hell of a family.I'm a catch in today's day and age. I take care of myself, am middle maintence, support myslef, have no expensive habits, and bust my ass.
I am always honest though.
I think I deserve the respect of the truth, since I give it.
So, I am getting "Truth" tattooed on my foot soon, so at least I can always have it.
Anybody know truth in gaelic?
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Currently
listening
:
Kill 'Em All
By
Metallica
Release date: 20 June, 1995
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8:19 AM
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14 Comments - 4 Kudos
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007
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What Oscars?
Current mood: busy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Wow, the Oscars! ppffft!
Nope, I didn't watch the Oscars. Truth be told.....I don't give a damn. "WHoopee! You just made a bagizillion dollars for your film, and now we all get to watch as you flounce down the red carpet, ugly date in tow, and smile pretty for all four thousand sixty four cameras!" Nah, no thanks. I'd rather lay around and dream of all the people I would whack if I had that kind of money.
This bitch would be on the list just because of this dress. Holy shit. It looks like a vampire at a disco, and not the sexy kind like George Hamilton was in 'Love at first bite' either. You gotta love some tanned skin and white teeth stuffed in a tux. This?? I don't remember taking acid!! Who slipped the shit in my drink? ...Oh, she really did look like this.. Rainbow brite, you've grown old. I am disappointed.
We all know this dumb twat is next, yes I said twat, what else suits her? I'll even make an acronym of it...ahem..Tara's a Whiny Ass Twirp..or Thick Witted And Tipsy...Yeah, that's good!!! Sad to me she looked almost ok, for her that is, covered up, nice dress, make-up somewhat toned down, only a hint of orange zest to her skin. Still a douchebag. She has a look on her face that says, "wow! I can match my dress to my eyes!" It is so over eager, I wonder if she looks like that before she drops to her knees?
What the fuck? Keith has gotten a little softness, kinda bloaty looking lately, is he eating all of Nicole's food? Damn man, give her a crouton or something? Half a reeses cup, shit. I don't want to add her to the list, the sound of all of her bones rattling around would make it a hard hit. No sneakiness factor.She looks like Tom Cruise sucked the life right out of her, maybe he was channeling his character in Interview with a vampire. What's with all the vampire thoughts today! I have been playing Castlevania too much!
I Love Reese Witherspoon. Gorgeous, radiant I hope her ex is eating his cheating heart out. He should be on my list, and all cheaters with him, and LIARS, too! Especially liars.
I'm bored now. So, I'll stop before I bore you, my audience full of sexy back bringers! teehee.
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Currently
listening
:
Interview With The Vampire: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
By
Elliott Goldenthal
Release date: 13 December, 1994
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10:15 AM
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15 Comments - 12 Kudos
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007
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I know why...
Current mood: devious
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Britney shaved her head. I do. See, she was hot, just like Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite. " I was berry hot, I tried to drink some cold water, but it not help. I took a bath, but it not help either, then I realized it was my hair that was making me so hot, so I shaved it all off."
Yep, that's it!
Actually, I like it. I think she looks hot. Bald heads are sexy. I have always wanted to shave my head, but my daddy would kick my ass! I think it showed balls that she shaved it, and the fact that she is donating the proceeds from the sold hair to charity makes me actually respect her. She got rid of K-Fed's leech hold too. Good for you Britney. I realize I have made fun in the past, but I take it back. Ok, well, let's not be drastic. It's still the same Britney who can't find any panties or shoes to wear, can't strap in a car seat, or a high chair, and is in obvious need of mental care.
I would love to shave my head, though. Man, the freedom! It would be awesome! I would shave it to stubble, and love it! How come men get to, and we don't? No fair. Men get to walk around with comb overs, and monk heads. Pot bellies, and Beer guts. Ass cracks showing, and rancid feet. Yet, we have to be pretty, just because we have vaginas. Ok, I don't want my ass crack hanging out, or rancid feet. I certainly don't want a comb over..{shudder}. But, I can still be pretty with a shaved head.
On to other news. Today is my birthday! I am 22. Ok, not really. I am 33. But I look 22! Ok, not really. I feel 22! nope. I feel 88 most days. A spry 88, but still 88. All my joints aching with the cold and shit. I like 33, a nice odd number. I am happy to have been given another year. I hope I get the chance to really turn 88. I think I'll be one of those old ladies like Sue Johansen. I'll have a dildo show, and whatnot, and blog about sex. At 88, I'll be all old and crotchety, and tell women to stop being stupid douchebags, to grow some nuts, and tell the assholes in their lives to fist themselves. Yep I can see that.
We went to Ikea on staurday. Holy monkeys I love me some Ikea. I do. I love the whole experience. We got new beds for the boys, a really cool new bed for my daughter, and nightstands, lamps, and storage for all, a new desk for the boys' room, and a new tv stand for them. They came home on Sunday from their dad's and it was like a "while you were out" show. They were shocked! It was too cool! The only drawback to Ikea is the abundence of Soccer moms, bored housewives with their squalling brats, and yet more squalling brats. I think people pinch their kids there. I'm pretty sure of it. Their delicious coffee,hot dogs, cheap furniture, lingonberries, samples, and discounts in the As-is room almost make up for it, though. I treasure my time at Ikea.
After, finding a space to park in the parking garage, amid four thousand minivans, SUV's and station wagons, you enter the store. The first step is to always make a trip to the bathroom, No trip to Ikea lasts less than an hour, and is only less than three if your are terribly pressed for time,are with a stupid watch checking man, or are a lame ass.
The second step is to grab yourself a cup of coffee, for only .75 cents it's a bargain, and full of caffeine enriched goodness. Mmmm caffeine!!!
Next..Shop. Shop your lame asses off. Lookie look at all of the wonders you find. Priced ever so sweetly.
Last, bat your eyelashes and make sexual suggestions to your spouse. Maybe they will overlook the fact that you have just purchased two carts full of stuff, and your credit card just burst into flames. Maybe. More likely he/she will suffer a huge case of buyer's remorse and you will have to get on your knees and make it up to them. So worth it!
Love and Rockets to all! And to all a fist free day!
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Currently
listening
:
Happy Birthday From Sesame Street (Jewel Case)
By
Sesame Street
Release date: 24 August, 2004
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6:16 AM
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19 Comments - 15 Kudos
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
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I always feel like Myspace is watchin' meeeee....
Current mood:  dorky
Category: MySpace
Is anyone else freaked the hell out by the new ads that appear at the bottom of blogs now? It scares the crap out of me, I have to admit. How do they know what each blog is about? Because the ads are targeted to whatever the blog is about. Write about your grandpa telling stories about his army days and how he got syphillis from a thai hooker on leave in Bangkok, and you'll see... freaky senior sex at freakyolddudes.whatever. Or... I love cocktail weiners, a blog! And you'll see... miniature pigs for sale, at iddypiggies.oink..You know, typical blogs with typical blog type stuff, and the ads that go with them.
I was just reading a very funny blog about kids, and how damned annoying they could be, and at the bottom, it had ads for"Be a better mom", and parent info"..etc. WTF???
And how do they know I like Rob Zombie, huh?? How?That keeps popping up on my blogs page. Ads for Rob Zombie ringtones. Do they pay some dork to sit and read blogs, and profile to see what the interests are so they can target them? If so, I should be signing up for this shit! I could make millions. I'll read all day! I tell ya what! They can pay me per profile. I wouldn't miss one! I'll do the shit in my sleep...." ooo says here Mister Doody likes to bathe his cats in rose water" Okey dokey, an ad for cat chow, one for cat lovers dot com, and one for lonely psychos are us. I would rock!!
Then again maybe Myspace has given me some sort of wierd ass spyware, and no one else will know what the hell I am talking about. Probably. You'll all read this, and look at the bottom, and see no ads at all, and think I have been sniffing the permanent markers again. What?? I like the way they smell! Leave me alone!
Just in case, I am putting lots of random things in this blog, What will the ads be for then, huh? AHAHA!! They'll be stumped!!!
Roller coasters. I love me some roller coasters. I have been playing thrillville for PS2 with the kids. It's like Sim theme park, and Roller coaster tycoon rolled together. sweet. We play this while we take breaks, small ones mind you, from Bully, our new addiction. Holy crap I love this game! Those bitches who complain, and whine over how it's violent, it's full of anti-school blah blah blah, and it's demeaning to yak yak yak, and blabbity whine sniffle, can suck it! It rocks! In no other game can you do anagrams, shoot a potato gun, kiss a girl, ride your skateboard, or bmx bike, see a freak show, swim, take the bus, ride a scooter, deliver papers, and throw a frisbee at a dog! Then, go get a set of liberty spikes, put on a tuxedo, and army boots, and throw eggs at the girls dorm. SWEET! All mixed in with fighting off the variouss school bullies, and attending classes.
I am also sadly addicted to Cheetos natural cheesy poofs. Everyone knows of my love for the damned cheesy poofs, but now... Cheetos had to go and make them look like they are good for me. I can't resist this shit!! No fair!! I quit smoking!! It will only take something mildly delicious for me to be hooked, and wind up leaving the house at 9 o'clock at night to run to slackjaw city, you know, walmart, and grab some more cheetos, because sssoooommeeone ate them all. Sure wasn't me, so whoever keeps eating them. quit it!
That and stupid damned sheetz has decided that starbucks had to die, perhaps Mr. Sheetzovitch or whomever the hell owns the sheetz corporation decided that Starbucks was a worthy competitor, and wanted to go up against the mighty coffee gurus, whatever the reason, I hope he chokes. Damn him. Now I am hooked on their new "made to order" lattes. They are fucking delicious!!A caramel, and vanilla latte, regular or decaf, just so I can get one at any time of day, damn them!!!, and they'll even top it with whipped cream. shit.
How about marbles? Did any of you play with marbles when you were younger? How about now? Do you come into the office with your marble bag and lucky tiger eye, and challenge Doug in personnel to a one on one, winner takes all match? Then get angry, call him a cocksucking, no-good cheater, and gouge out his eyes with a tape dispenser? No? If so, that would be funny.I would pay good money to see that.
I wrote in a blog comment earlier that I refer to non-driving, shouldn't have a car at all, driving slow in the fast lane, wish they would barrel off of the road at an alarming rate of speed, nose picking, cell phone using, make-up applying, chicken eating, morons, as roadtards. I love it! For all the road challenged. Roadtards! sweet! I am proud of that one, and I'll even let you use the term, for a small fee, of course, you can pay me in cheetos.
The chicken leg part of that last paragraph is two-fold. Firstly, my sister, happened to see a lady driving her car out of a gas station, and gnawing a chicken leg as if she were stranded on a desert island, and had been eating nothing but coconuts, and Ginger for years. {snicker} The second, my kids saw some trucker eating chicken legs, and pitching them out of the truck window on saturday, and one had gotten hung on his step, at the door, so he's driving down the highway, with a chicken leg hanging off the truck, with other cars driving up, and people pointing and laughing at him. Dear Lord, Now that's funny!!!
I think I will top this blog off with some more random words. List style. Ad-profile that bitches!!! ha!
bacon tofu
squeezy cheese spork
stapler valium
hummus fleas
concubine garter
crack cream ( this really is a product btw, crack cream, it's for dry cracked hands, who thought of this? That's pure marketing genius right there!)
I think we should all have a list of random words at the bottom of our blogs to throw them off! ha!
Smooches to all, I hope you are all well, happy, and getting laid regularly. If not, then I hope you aren't bitter at least! Love yas!~K
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Currently
listening
:
The Watchers
By
Royal Hunt
Release date: 05 March, 2002
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