The one person whose words should comfort me,
Instead invokes a frightening suicidal tendency.
For you it takes no effort to see my tears,
Because your words alone unleash my worst fears.
Never inflicting physical pain,
Showering curse words like a torrential rain,
You are the only person I want to impress,
And only you can make me feel this worthless.
Even without movement breath or thought,
There is something in me you hate, and so we fought.
Starting at age eight, fat and ugly were the words you forced me to hear.
Do you know what it feels like to be young and have those words lingering in your ear?
As my age increased the manner of words decreased to the likes of slut and whore,
I want to die; to shut out the world and deal with its atrocities no more.
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So your father wasn't there for you,
Is that a good reason not to be here too?
Always ignoring me,
Constantly yelling at me,
According to you I can do no right and everything wrong,
I want to be with someone somewhere else; a place to belong.
Sadly, even in solitude all alone,
I cannot escape your hate, I am removed, completely broken and gone
I will never know happiness or love,
Because you wouldn't take the time to rise above.
If only you listened if only you knew,
My worst fear is ending up with someone like you.
Why do you continue to dislike me so?
How can it be that you don't know?
Then somehow, I provoke you,
To the point of hatred anew.
Why can't you understand me?
That my one wish is to be free;
Free from your persecution and constant disappointment,
And so very far from your loathing and resentment.
I live my days trying to discern which is worse,
Not existing, or listening to your constant curse.
And there you are perfectly able but never willing, just as you've been all along,
With a life like mine who would want to live for very long?
All I need is your respect,
But you keep me hidden, a shady prospect.
You beat and crush my spirit,
Using this power to shoot down my dreams with a single bullet.
I've pushed and I've tried,
But you still force me to hide!
Although my expressions seem automatic,
My emotions are overwhelming and erratic.
I never want children, no none at all,
Children are only products of all they see and know,
And right now I'd rather be six feet under than feeling this low.
If only you understood,
Then maybe what's rotten could become something good.
But your calculating words continue quite crude,
And yet, you have the nerve to call me rude.
You think I'm anti social, but in reality, this is my poor attempt at staying stable.
If only you could understand what you're missing before slapping on the label.
frustrated
devious
crazy
disappointed
curious
loved
hot