I already have a geniune hatred for informercials, reality shows and the movie Diabolique. I don't know who signed off on this bullshit, but damn! The world is corrupted enough without his fucking two cents. How do you go from Jesus Walks to THIS???!!
Wanna be famous? Is this a joke? At first sight, I thought it was a Trojan's commercial. I was like, cool, he's teaching the kids how to protect themselves from STD's and pregnancy. When it played on, I almost hurled. Give me something I can really sink my teeth in like... 877-BE-Oprah. Yes, sign me up Bob! That will sell billions!! A hugga-zillion, if such a word existed. I would give my left tit to be Oprah for 5mins. Wait, how long does it take to transfer millions into a secret Cayman account?
Nobody wants to look at little black heads levitating in their drink. Acne is a disease, not a cocktail. Did you see how the dude was guzzling down that bottle? I almost got turned on and I don't have a dick. Even the white chick had that "this is bullshit" look on her face.
Think You Know Women? Take the Shesaurus Jeopardy Challenge!
Category: Games
The Shesaurus is America's first women's dictionary-thesaurus that dares to go where no other reference book have gone before. It is the ultimate study guide that focuses on society's characterization of women from the 19th century Victorian to the today's Hip Hop Vixen.
Here are the categories.
SHE MAKES ME SING: Are title songs written by various music artist. For example... Q: Popularized by Good Charlotte. She's a tattoo sportin', social distortin', hot chick with a fuck you attitude! Better run for cover, this good girl's gone mad! A: What is Riot Girl.
SHE'S IN THE MOVIES: Are movie titles about women. For example: Q: She's a crazy woman desperately clinging on to an emotional love affair. She's dangerous, manipulative and psychotic. Glen Close portrayed this madwoman in the Oscar nominated film. A: What is Fatal Attraction.
INTIALLY SPEAKING: Are acronyms used to describe women. Q: An organization of Mothers dedicated to educating young teenagers about drinking and driving. A: What is M.A.D.D., Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
SEX AND THE CITY: Are terms used on the show. Q: She's been charmed by a bevy of penises. Some too big, too small, too wide and too long. She's looking for one that's just right! A: What is Goldie Cocks.
TRIX ARE FOR KIDS: Are terms that end with "TRIX" Q: She stands to inherit an estate or trust fund. A: What is Inheritrix.
EXCUSE ME MISS: Are terms with a prefix of "MISS." Q: She's among the elite high society. She walks around with a her nose in the air and a stick up her butt. A: What is Miss Astorbilt
I come from a pretty poor family, so as a kid, I was use to getting hand me downs.As crazy as it sounds, I got excited about it.I always looked at the garments as "clothes with character."As ironic as it sounds, hand-me-downs attest to our own character.It is our sand-filled past that builds our rock-hearted being.Everyone has a gift to hand down.It could be the gift of music, poetry, laughter, wisdom, unconditional love or friendship.Even the repugnant smell of bums living on the streets have something to offer.It's called a reality check that if you don't get your act together, this could happen to you.
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I challenge everyone to look within and become encouragers.Encourage your friends, family and neighbors.Believe it or not, sometimes you can be the key to opening the door for someone.We live in such a self-absorbed world, who really has time to hold another person's hand?No one.Make time!I write this blog to get people to open their minds, eyes and their hearts.
I met a really cool comedian by the name of Rick Carter.His energy and drive is truly encouraging.He has the natural ability to cross boundaries and get people to open up.He, himself, has trouble believing it.We are all connected in some form or fashion.All I'm saying is use your talents or God given abilities to move something.Have an affect on the lives of those around you.If you see someone doing something bad, check them.If you see someone doing something productive, encourage them or lend a helping hand.You would be amazed at how you can have an effect on your buddy's life.At this day and age, the whole "Crabs in a barrel" theory should be eliminated.There are hundreds of Erotic writers.No need to compete, everyone has their own voice.There are thousands of actors, singers and bloggers.Work together to make it stronger.Share your audience or knowledge if it's going to help someone progress or take them to a higher learning.Just do it!They will do the same and thus creating a trickle effect where people are helping people.That's the way the good Reverend Dr. King wanted it.
Some people frown upon hand me downs.Grow up.I would be delighted if someone handed their wisdom and knowledge down to me.I wouldn't care what person looked like (white, black, green, orange or brown).Today, be encouragers.It's not just about you.Positive energy congregating together forms even greater positive and influential energy.What's so bad about that?
Then there are those who want to hand down, negative and hateful energy.Keep your guilt.Keep your evils, drug abuse and conniving ways to yourself.You can have the cons, because I'm working with Pros.Professional, Professors, Promoters, Promulgators, Protectors, Producers, Prodigies and Powerhouses!
Today, be an encourager!Be there for someone other than yourself sometimes.
Secrets, Lies and First Impressions
Current mood: crazy
Category: Life
"Your Crazy Level must be this tall to ride"
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
I don't get out much. If I do, I hang out at the comedy clubs or the library. My friends (what little friends I do have) always ask me why don't I get out much? The answer is simple. People are crazy! I know I'm a little crazy, but my level of crazy can be contained. I'm not sure about everyone else's level of crazy. When I do meet new people, I observe them very carefully. Waiting for any alarms to go off!
I have met people who are a little off, but they prolly say the same about me. Have you ever met someone who was so off, the very sight of them terrifies you? Or, are you able to detect "bad spirits" when they are around? Have you ever met a person and their first impression threw you off, but meeting them a second time proved they weren't so bad?
Do you give people a second chance when it comes to first impressions?
LIES
We've all played "pretend" as a children. My cousins and I used to cut up old newspaper to the size of dollar bills. We'd pretend to be store owners or business people buying and selling dumb shit we found around the crib. Then pretend to have a fast or fancy car to put it in. Or riding down the street, my brother and I would scream, "That's my car!" if we saw a nice car go by. Some adults haven't quite grown out of the "pretend" era. I know a guy who rents the same Mercedes on various weekends pretending to be some hot shot to get pussy. Wow. All that for a quick spit. Very harmonious. In the movie, School for Scoundrels, Billy Bob Thornton's character pretends to be a doctor to get the girl. A situation came up where a doctor was needed and he couldn't perform. My theory is, if it don't come out in the wash, it will come out in the rinse.
I understand not wanting to reveal too much when meeting someone new. But damn, lying? Is it really necessary when meeting new people?
SECRETS
We all have them. Keep them to yourself. I can't handle the truth! But I am kinda curious, have anyone ever told you a crazy secret that made you cut that person off...for life? Just when you thought you knew a person so well and they reveal that they cut a dog into pieces or robbed a bank or had sex with said dog. Who the fuck knows their level of insanity. Would you give a person or friend a second chance if they told you some crazy shit?P>
Currently
listening
:
Blizzard of Ozz
By
Ozzy Osbourne
Release date: 02 April, 2002
Women Perform Sex Act in fromt of Children
Current mood: angry
Category: Life
Women Arrested, Accused Of Bathroom Sex In Front Of Children
Third Woman Photographed Alleged Sex Acts, Police Say
Two women in Seminole County, Fla., are accused of performing sex acts in front of children at a community pool bathroom while a third woman photographed them, according to a police report.
Seminole County sheriff's deputies arrested Emily Hernandez and Johannie Jimenez over the weekend at the Casselberry public bathroom.
A woman told police that she was walking into the bathroom with her children, and noticed Hernandez and Jimenez naked and apparently performing oral sex. She said another woman was photographing the acts.
The pregnant mother said she tried to leave the area with her children but the women would not let her leave. She said she was threatened not to call the police.
The woman eventually left the area with her children unharmed, police said.
Hernandez and Jimenez face lewd and lascivious exhibition charges as well as battery on a pregnant person, false imprisonment of an adult and child under 13 years old.
While the women were being transported to the Seminole County Jail, an officer said that Hernandez apparently bit Jimenez inside the patrol car, according to the police report.
On May 18, after spending the night smoking pot and having sex with a prostitute, a 39-year-old Lake City man decided he was going to get a beer. Sounds like a wild way to start the weekend. Little did he know he'd end up digging a hole in his backyard to bury a body.
According to the police report, the woman stayed behind at the man's apartment to take a bath while the man walked to a nearby 7-Eleven, returning home 20 minutes later. The man noticed his bathroom door was still closed. He waited another 15 minutes before venturing in. Upon entering the bathroom, the man found the lifeless body of the 47-year-old prostitute. In a panic, he shook her and slapped her but got no response. Then he really freaked out.
The time line the man provided is fuzzy in the report, but he told police he stayed in his apartment for the next three days, drinking and contemplating what to do with the dead prostitute's body. At one point, he climbed out the window of his apartment and began digging a hole. Perhaps due to some epiphany or newfound respect for the woman, the man decided he was "doing the wrong thing," according to the report—so he clambered back inside and filled his bathtub with cold water. He placed the woman's body in the tub to prevent her from decomposing.
The despondent man walked back to the 7-Eleven, where he called his boss from a pay phone. The next morning, the man and his boss called the police and the medical examiner retrieved the waterlogged body. A toxicology report is pending—but it doesn't look like foul play.
According to SPD spokeswoman Renee Witt, "failure to report a death" is a misdemeanor in Washington State. However, police are holding off on charging the man because, Witt says, "Why add insult to injury? He admitted he picked up a prostitute [and] this woman ultimately died. At that time, it wasn't appropriate or prudent for the officers to... make an arrest or file charges." Witt says that the man wasn't charged with soliciting a prostitute because "it was kind of after the fact. A lot of misdemeanors we have to see happen."
What could possibly possess a sane person to keep a body in his home for days? According to Witt, "It sounds like... he was afraid and didn't know what to do and didn't have anyone to call. There may have been some communication barriers."
The medical examiner's office would not comment on the case, but said it expects the toxicology report to be finished in July.
"In 14 years of police work, I don't think I've ever heard of anything like this," Witt says.
Nobody Can Bring Sexy Back
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life
Some folks would like to know what it's like to be a teenager again or an impressionable twenty-something. Not me. I embraced age. I honestly can't wait to be an old woman, so I can really get away with murder (literally).
The older I get, the more conscious I become about the world around me. I'm a grounded, spiritual gal with animated tendencies. I used to be soooo shy. It took me a long while to break out of my shell. I still get "quiet" when I'm around people I don't know. Those that do know me, say that I'm a "handful," "crazy" and won't allow me to have any sugar related items after 9pm.
Here are few things that I've learned over the years:
Life is definitely what you make of it. NO ONE can stop you from doing what you want to do. So in your pursuit of "happyness," just look around you. Acknowledge and appreciate your past and your present so that you can build a stronger future. Always take time to smell the roses. There is nothing like laying a blanket on the sand or grass and taking your own personal time out.
In society, we are always labeled something. And society accepts it. Except in the case of: "Nappy Headed Hos." Reciting that particular label will get you fired.
Bad Habits really are hard to break.
I've learned that being broke is not so bad. Eventially, you'll get back to good. Just make sure to keep your other broke friends away from you. Broke and Broke don't go together....well, unless they have a blunt.
No matter how nice or sweet you are... you will still run into weirdos, jerks, jackasses and bitches. Do not allow these people the satisfaction of getting under your skin.
Nobody can bring sexy back. If sexy is in you, it will ooze out Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Sexy doesn't hybernate or disappear. Either you have it or you don't.
Just be yourself. I can truly care less what a person thinks about me. People will always have an opinion of you or try to spread demeaning, useless gossip. Let them talk. Your interest just went up 25%.
Sex is great! Morning sex will get you out of the bed with a smile . Evening sex will give a good night's rest . And sex in the afternoon is so much better after 2 margaritas!
Keep like minded individuals around you. If you want to be a hooker, befriend a pimp. If you want to be a model, make nice with photographers, makeup artists and stylists. If you want to own your resturant, make friends with publicists, writers, photographers, artists (painters), and really rich people.
Honesty is always the best policy. I love brutal honesty. It's keeps me on my toes. I hate having to lie. I get a sick feeling in my tummy. When I lie, it's written all over my face. Just like Scarface, I always tell the truth, even when I lie.
Crazy attracts psycho. Funny attracts goofy. Dumbass attracts idiots. Bi-polar attracts ADHD. Weed attracts fellow smokers. Thieves attract prison. Gold teeth attract gold diggers. Smart attracts nerdy. Sexy attracts lust. Big dicks attracts fellatrix. Sorry, don't know where I was going with this....
Crazy Fun Facts 'bout the Kid called Kola
Current mood: happy
Category: Friends
Crazy Fun Fact # 1: I Love Cartoons!
I don't have kids, yet I'd watch anything made by Disney or Pixar just as long as it's animated. My DVD collection is steadily growing. The only thing I'm missing is Alice and Wonderland and that weed smoking caterpillar! My hero is Wakko Warner. He's adorable, smart, rambunctious, rebellious, goofy, silly and greedy...just like me!
Crazy Fun Fact # 2: I Can't Believe it's Not Butter
I used to put butter on my breast, because the school yard boys told me that it will make them grow. I still have a love for parkay, however my tits haven't grown an inch since the days of birth control pills. Boy was I desperate!
Crazy Fun Fact # 3 : You're Fired
I was fired from every job I've ever had. I have a problem with authority. Just imagine hiring a cartoon character to run your front office then you'd understand what these poor people had to go through.
Crazy Fun Fact # 4: Capital Punishment
I was the first and only student to get swatted by the elementary school principal. Apparently, they mean it when they say don't eat eat cookies in class! It was the swat heard around the school yard. My street credit shot to the roof. They thought I committed some heinous crime in order to receive that kind of punishment. All the older kids started talking to me. Weird how shit goes down, huh?
Crazy Fun Fact # 5: Sam I Am
This movie made cry like a fucking bitch! My boyfriend too. Never saw it coming.
Crazy Fun Fact # 6: Raid is for Roaches
I thought I was cool living off campus in a plush 3 bdrm crib. My roomates gold diggers who dated drug dealers. I like nice things, but I'm not materialistic. My brother was in and out of jail and he was my best friend. I'd be an idiot to date someone who does the same.
Anyway, one of my roomates dated the "hottest" guy in Cincy. He just bought a Lexus and ordered custom gold plated rims. If that doesn't scream, "I sell drugs," I don't know what does. She wanted to drive that car soooo bad. Well she got her wish and that car was parked in front of the crib 24/7. At least until the FEDS came and raided our innocent little crib. Homeboy got 3 years in a federal pen and we got federallies searching through our panties and shit!
Crazy Fun Fact # 7: Runaway Bride
I have that runaway bride syndrome. I love monogamy, but I have a fear of getting hitched. I've been proposed to, twice. Once at 21 and 27. Gave the ring back both times. I like my own space and I have secret single behavior that I don't care to share. Love ain't that deep.
The only way I'd get hitched is if Captain Caveman clubbed me over the head and drugged me back to his cave of death!
What Kind of Drugs are your Kids On?
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life
I was at a party and walked in on this conversation:
Parent #1: He won't take the pills, do you think it comes in patches? Parent #2: No, you'll have to get the time release pills or have your doctor prescribe a higher dosage. Parent #3: I have my son on Metadate ER. What drugs are your kids on? Parent #1: I had him on Strattera but it wasn't working, so we took him off of that and put him on Concerta. Parent #3: I couldn't take it anymore! I just couldn't get him to sit down and read a book for 20mins! He's almost in the second grade, he should be able to finish a paragraph! Parent #2: Am I wrong for putting my kids on drugs?
All the Parents: NO!
What the fucking Fuck??!! Next these parents will be asking their doctors to prescribe pipes, and needles to shoot that shit in their kids veins. How insane does it get? I read about these drugs and here's what I found:
General side effects includes: decreased appetite, headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping, jitteriness, social withdrawal, zombie like behavior.
All this so your kid will be still for 20mins? Is this how we take care of kids now? These parents were talking about their 3 to 11 year olds. You wanna know what my mom did, to get me to sit still....she beat my ass! That's the only drug of choice.
General side effects includes: obedience, respect, homework done in a timely manner, no back talk, ass that stings for 20-30mins tops and dishes done before the moon shows it's face.
ADD is lack of attention from the parents. NOT the other way around. When parents pay more attention to their children instead of expecting MTV, XBOX, Playstation or the Internet to do it, then there would be less school shootings.
I'll be willing to bet if you sent a child outside to play this would happen: They wouldn't know what to do. We live in such a fast past society, I can't believe how so much has changed. The playground would be so foreign to them. As a child, we couldn't wait to get outside. Not going outside was our punishment, now it's, "No Xbox for you!" We had games like:
Hide N' Go Get It Don't fall off the monkey bars Hop Scotch Double Dutch Red light, Green light ....STOP! Survivor: Who can make it home with all their teeth and bones in tact. Who can jumb the farthest? Who can run the fastest? Simon Says
When was the last time you saw a See-Saw or a Merry-go-round? I don't even know what swings look like anymore. All the stories and complaints these parents had were the act of a normal 6, 7 or 8 year old child. "I couldn't believe it, he just threw a temper tantrum in the middle of the store!" What child hasn't? Spank that ass and I guarantee it won't happen again! Your child doesn't need therapy, he needs your love, attention and an occasional shoe to the head.
What Kind of Drugs are your Kids On? Please, I should be your ass for even asking.
Think You Know Women? You Have NO IDEA!!
Current mood: thirsty
Category: Writing and Poetry
Dear Writers, Readers, Bloggers, Lyricists, Screenwriters, Journalists and Authors,
I would love to get your opinion about America's first Women's Dictionary/ Thesaurus: The Shesaurus. Would you market this book to women or men? How would you rate such a guide on a scale from 1-10?
About the book:
The Shesaurus is a dictionary/ thesaurus that dare to go where no other reference book has gone before! As a writer, I've always wanted a resource guide that provides options for even the most unflattering synonyms not found in your typical dictionary or thesaurus. The Shesaurus is a collection of every idiom or characterization society has placed on women over the years. This book not only defines women, it offers a history lesson behind such phrases coined by muscians, films, rappers, authors, pop culture and slang. This collection features: Hip Hop, Yiddish, Irish, British and American slang terms!
I came up with the concept in the middle of writing a script. I was looking for the perfect word to describe my character. I went through at least 4 reference books. You know how writers are with finding the right words to convey a character! I got fed up wishing there was one book to relieve me of my frustration. Then I thought, how many words are there to define women? It began as a hobby, then grew into an obsession. Then it took on a life of it's own. I learned so much about how women are viewed. I learned so much about the history of women. I remember watching Love Jones and the poem written by the character Darius Lovehall. He asked, "Is your name Yemeya, oh no it's got to be Oshun." Who is Yemeya? Who is Oshum? Who is Medusa, really?
The Shesaurus not only answers these questions, but also provides an interesting history lesson about Women. Think you know women? You have no idea!
Sample Entries Include:
Kunoichi. Japanese. She's a female ninja specially trained in psychology, hired to seduce the enemy for a clever assassination! The Kunoichi would disguise themselves as Geisha to deceive their unsuspecting targets.
Poor Man's Wendy. Shes's the second choice, stand in or cancellation prize who will never stand up to "Mrs.Right." Coined by romantic comedy, The Wedding Planner.
Pirate's Dream. She's a flat-chested woman.
Lucy Stoner. She's a woman who likes to hold on to her last name long after marriage. Named after 1850's women's rights activist, Lucy Stone.
Meydele. Yiddish. She's a young impressionable girl. See:Mommellah, Baby Legs, Gosling, Spring Chicken, Bobby Soxer, Biddy, Ankle or Teenybobber.
Martha Stewart of Death. She's the woman who over coordinates grief plans for funeral accommodations.
Lady Dudes.Derog. Coined by comedian extraordinaire, Rodney Perry. They are a group of butch lesbians who dress down in do-rags and baggy pants. They are prone to taking over the Gentlemen's Club and ruining the entire stripper experience for the real dudes by over tipping. See:Butch, Diesel Dyke, Bull Dagger, Amy John or Studfish.
Irish Beauty. Derog. She's a woman with two black eyes. What do you say to an Irish Beauty? Nothing! You've already told her twice!
Let me know your thoughts on this stranger than non-fiction guide!
drunk
crazy
"Your Crazy Level must be this tall to ride"
angry
horny
ecstatic
Life is definitely what you make of it. NO ONE can stop you from doing what you want to do. So in your pursuit of "happyness," just look around you. Acknowledge and appreciate your past and your present so that you can build a stronger future. Always take time to smell the roses. There is nothing like laying a blanket on the sand or grass and taking your own personal time out. 
In society, we are always labeled something. And society accepts it. Except in the case of: "Nappy Headed Hos." Reciting that particular label will get you fired.
Bad Habits really are hard to break. 
I've learned that being broke is not so bad. Eventially, you'll get back to good. Just make sure to keep your other broke friends away from you. Broke and Broke don't go together....well, unless they have a blunt. 
No matter how nice or sweet you are... you will still run into weirdos, jerks, jackasses and bitches. Do not allow these people the satisfaction of getting under your skin.
Nobody can bring sexy back. If sexy is in you, it will ooze out Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Sexy doesn't hybernate or disappear. Either you have it or you don't.
Just be yourself. I can truly care less what a person thinks about me. People will always have an opinion of you or try to spread demeaning, useless gossip. Let them talk. Your interest just went up 25%.
Sex is great! Morning sex will get you out of the bed with a smile 
. Evening sex will give a good night's rest 
. And sex in the afternoon is so much better after 2 margaritas! 
Keep like minded individuals around you. If you want to be a hooker, befriend a pimp. If you want to be a model, make nice with photographers, makeup artists and stylists. If you want to own your resturant, make friends with publicists, writers, photographers, artists (painters), and really rich people.
Honesty is always the best policy. I love brutal honesty. It's keeps me on my toes. I hate having to lie. I get a sick feeling in my tummy. When I lie, it's written all over my face. Just like Scarface, I always tell the truth, even when I lie.
Crazy attracts psycho. Funny attracts goofy. Dumbass attracts idiots. Bi-polar attracts ADHD. Weed attracts fellow smokers. Thieves attract prison. Gold teeth attract gold diggers. Smart attracts nerdy. Sexy attracts lust. Big dicks attracts fellatrix. Sorry, don't know where I was going with this....
happy
aggravated
thirsty
