Greetings from Scranton

Peeps-

Well, summer is here in full force, and I have wiped off the sweat on my brow to once again blog to you, my dear dear friends...

I trust all of you have had a good summer so far. What have you done? Been doing? Anything fun? Anything that anyone else would want to read about? I have had contests in the past that turned out to be to hard to judge (that's what she said), so I officially WON'T have one now... but feel free to write about your exploits.

Things have been going ok here in Scranton. Holly still seems pretty into me. And I really like her. I think we can be something special. Not like Stacy and her meanness. We haven't talked yet about disclosing our relationship to HR, but I figure since she is HR, she already knows about it. So technically, I am not doing anything wrong. And also, I haven't seen her is a couple of weeks. She works in the other part of the office, so it is hard to get back there during the day sometimes...

What else is new? Ummmm... I went to a concert on the hill here in Scranton. It was pretty awesome. Sarah Boralis, Counting Crows, Maroon 5. They were all pretty good. But the after party, as always, was even better...

I have been traveling a bit this summer. Making my way to New York a couple of times. THAT is my kinda town. Not Chicago. New York. Maybe I should move there... Hey. If anybody knows of anyone in New York who needs an accountant- tell them to give me a call. I am not TECHNICALLY licensed. But I know my stuff. So it really shouldn't matter...

Oh, our little program. THE OFFICE, was nominated once again for a gaggle of Emmys. So that is always a good time. I get to go out to Cali and go see those again I guess. It was fun a couple of years ago, but last year, when we did not win... was not nearly as fun.

The camera crews have just come back to Dunder Mifflin, and they are shooting us once again. I guess the mothership (NBC) will have new episodes on the TV sometime in September. That is cool. My mom always likes that. When she can see me on the TV. Cause I don't really go home that much.

Has anyone ever been to Miami? That is a city I would like to go to...

So I just heard about this new "exercise" technique called "Pole Dancing for Exercise". Actually, I don't know if that is what it is called, but there are actual classes you can take to go "do" pole dancing, and it apparently gives quite a work out. Does anyone know if you can pay for classes, and then sit out and just watch? Like in gym, where you pretended to have a stomach ache so you wouldn't have to run the mile in under 9 minutes. Cause if you could do that... I would so sign up...

Jan is still pregnant. That's all. It was just surprising, so... I thought I would bring it up.

Anything u want to hear about any of my other friends? Hmmmmm... I refuse to talk about Angela. Cause I hate her. Toby is gone and I haven't seen him since he left for Costa Rica. Jim and I are playing Fantasy Football again, with other people in the office here. We invite some of the camera guys to play too. Most of them are pretty cool. Except Randall. God he is an ass...

(For those of you who hate sports... skip this paragraph.) I drafted Number 2. I drafted Adrian Peterson. I then picked up Larry Fitzgerald and TK Houshmandzedahahahahaha. I was surprised by the fact I was still able to get the Browns QB in round 4. And I got the Chargers DE. We pick the old fashion way here. We pass a pad around the office and it generally takes us about 3 weeks to draft. Today I picked up Mark Bulger and Derek Mason in Roughly Rounds 7 and 8. I have the Texans TE (Owen Daniels). And I cannot remember who else. As I said, it takes a while and is hard to remember...

And I guess that kinda catches you up. Somewhat. OK, fine... not really... but are we gonna stay mad for long? I have missed each and every one of you in decidedly different ways.

I am back now. And ready for business. And for God's sake... I still hate Angela.

Peace,
Kev

8:54 PM - 131 Comments - 214 Kudos - Add Comment

THE OFFICE: Season Finale

I have been traveling. My computer has not been working. My phone is acting weird. And I have blisters on my feet.

But I still wanted to send the reminder that THE OFFICE Season Finale is on TONIGHT!!

Special one hour show. Starts at 9pm on the coasts, and 8pm Central. It is on for an hour. And there are a lot of twists and turns. And I don't mean from Twister. Like, secrets revealed. Bombs are dropped. And it is my hope, and expectation, that there is plenty of funny.

So watch it. And then tell me what you think. And then. Tell me what you think happens next.

Peace,
Kev

1:38 PM - 376 Comments - 579 Kudos - Add Comment

No Parking for Chair Models

Peeps-

Depending on what publication you find... the footage that the mothership is airing tonight is EITHER called... "Parking" or "Chair Model". The title of the footage has changed a few times. But trust me when I say... it is the same ALL NEW footage.

So yeah. Tonight there is a brand new THE OFFICE on the television. And so I expect some of you will be happy. Others of you may be indifferent. Some of you might be pissed. But in any case... it is on. And it is new. And that is really all I can say about that.

You know sometimes, because our office is on tv, press people come by the set and have a chat with us. Ask us questions about what is the haps. These kinds of things. But due to a LOT of big happenings at Dunder Mifflin between now and the end of the year... the mothership does not like us talking about those things. They would prefer that you learn the haps when it airs for the first time.

So it makes those little talks with the press a bit awkward. They say... "So what has been going on at Dunder Mifflin?" And I say, "I cannot tell you." And then they say... "ok... let me be more specific... what is going on with you and your fiancee Stacy?" And I say... "I cannot talk about it, but if you watch tonight's episode, you might find out."

And ooooops... I have to go now. I am writing this at work, and Michael needs to see me in the conference room. Goota go. But watch THE OFFICE tonight.

Peace,
Kev

7:21 AM - 62 Comments - 216 Kudos - Add Comment

Do YOU Believe in Miracles? YESSSSSSS!

Peeps-

After a looooong (that’s what she said) 4 and a half months. And a mind numbing amount of reruns and Dancing with the Idols. THE OFFICE is back and open for business. And some new footage airs TONIGHT on the mothership. (cue chimes) N-B-C. 9pm on the coasts and at 8pm in the middle of the country.

I cannot tell you how many people have come up to me on the streets of Scranton and asked... when will we get to see new footage of you guys? Why is Oscar gay? Why are you so unbelievably cool? Is Pam really as hot as she looks on the TV? Angela is a total wench. How can a guy like you not be taken?

Well those questions will be answered tonight. In truth, only maybe 1 or 2 of those questions, but we are back tonight. April 10. And I hope you enjoy the footage.

Yours truly (that means ME, Kevin) will not be seen for the most part this evening. I hear that the footage they are showing is of a dinner party that Michael and Jan hosted. Thankfully, I was not invited to the party. So I don’t really know what happens. And that makes me as eager as the rest of you to find out what happened.

But do not despair, Army of Kevin, I understand from the bigwigs (why do they call them bigwigs?) at the mothership that there will be more footage of me next week than you can handle (again, seriously, that IS what she said).

But I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of the wellwishes the fans sent over our looooooong (clears throat) break. It has been long. And hard. But sometimes, when you have to wait for it. It makes it all that more satisfying. Ummmm...

What was I talking about again?

The other big news going on in Scranton, PA right now. The primaries for President of the United States. I don’t know what all the hoopla is about. We already know who our next president is going to be. And if you ask me real nice, I might just tell you.

Heard an interesting story... (hope this was not confidential) a reporter from jolly ole England was going to come to Scranton and do a story about the primaries. Again, cause it is kinda a big deal. And this reporter got on GOOGLE and started GOOGle-ING Scranton to do some research. And time after time this reporter kept finding articles about THE OFFICE, and THE OFFICE Convention. So this reporter decided to scrap the Primary article, and instead is coming to Scranton tonight, to watch the OFFICE re- Premiere tonight with locals. And do a story on that. Sit down McCant. Step aside McClinton. Tonight, the peeps in jolly ole England across the pond get to read about something that TRULY matters. Us.

Segue.

I have a real dilema. Dillema. Dalimma. How the F do you spell that word? Anyway, I have a problem. The Triple-A Baseball Affiliate for the Yankees are now stationed in Scranton/ Wilkes- Barre. How do I root root root for the home team, when I hate nobody as much as I hate the Yankees?

Another dile...ummm... issue. How can one hate someone as much as I hate Angela? Actually, that is not an issue. I just wanted to mention one more time how much I hate her.

But tonight I will forget all about hate. And bring on the love. Because THE OFFICE is back and open for business. And once more, say it together this time... That’s what she said.

Peace,
Kev

10:38 AM - 180 Comments - 308 Kudos - Add Comment

No Country for Bald Men

Peeps-

Yesterday, on March 6, 2008, the camera crew returned to Dunder Mifflin. I still don't understand why they were gone. Something about Pencils Down (Thats what she said.)

In any event, they are now back. Filming the crew in Scranton. And let me be the first to say... I am happy to see them all back. All except Randall. He is an ass.

So what does this mean to all the peeps who want to watch our show on the television...? We will be back on the air with all new footage beginning on April 10. That is April 10, on the mothership. NBC.

I like to joke. You like to joke. We all like to joke.

But in truth... It feels very good to have the whole gang together again.

Have a good weekend.

Peace,
Kev

5:38 PM - 154 Comments - 256 Kudos - Add Comment

To all the Girls I’ve Loved Before...

Peeps-

I am baaaaaaaaack. It has been a while. I lost the password for my desktop, and I was scared Michael would be mad if I asked for it from Toby. So for the past 3 months, I have just been sitting at my desk pretending to work. Not a whole lot different from normal, but eventually, I needed to check my email, so I broke into Toby's desk, and got the Admin password.

So... I have that now, if anybody needs it.

I guess something else has been going on for the last 3 months as well, but I have not been able to search news on the web. What has been happening?

Someone mentioned that our little show (entitled THE OFFICE, in case you forgot) has not had any new episodes on the air. A little bunny told me that that will soon be changing. That new episodes will be shot by the little camera crew, and folks will get to see the haps by early Spring.

Of course, sometimes the bunny lies to me, so if so... I will let you know that as well.

Oh, I am going to be taking a little trip. For the Mothership (NBC). I guess for some reason they think I would be a good person to judge their summer reality show, Last Comic Standing. So if you find yourself in or around Minneapolis, MN next week... I will be there. I guess you can search the Mothership's website for details. They haven't given any details to me yet.

I would give you more of an update on what has been going on, but I cannot remember anything. I guess I should have taken notes.

So hang in there. Be cool. Be hip. And come see me in Frosty Minnesota, if you dare. In any case, you should be seeing new shenanigans on the mothership soon.

That's what she said.

(I realized I had not worked that in yet. And It had been so long (That's what she said) since I had written it.)

Peace,
Kev

PS- What the hell do writers DO, anyway? Besides write on funny little notecards, and eat snacks.

1:09 PM - 154 Comments - 290 Kudos - Add Comment

PLease Allow me to Introduce Myself...

A very good morning to all of you. Peeps.

I feel very strange today. No, I am not FEELING something strange. I feel strange. First off I suppose I should introduce myself...

My name is Brian Baumgartner. And I play a character named Kevin Malone on a television show called, THE OFFICE.

For over 2 years... 27 months to be exact... I have written a blog here on MySpace from the perspective of Kevin. It started out as a way to bring publicity to the show. (When the show NEEDED all the publicity it could get!) Then it was fun. Really fun. People seemed to enjoy it. And even as Jenna and Angela, et al, decided to bring in their own voices, I decided to stick with this being from Kev. I mean, there were plenty of other cast members writing about the "behind the scenes", so you could go to them to read that. I wanted it to be fun. That Kevin Malone was still sitting at his desk at Dunder Mifflin, and talking about what happened week to week. Sure, He gave insight into award shows and special appearances (ala Scranton), but always from HIS perspective.

Well peeps, that had to change. With the writers strike entering it's 13th week, I have been having a hard time writing about anything from Kevin's perspective. This was not a "Pencil's down" thing. This was a ... what exactly do I say? How can Kevin plausibly talk about the writer's strike, and maintain he was still sitting at his desk at Dunder Mifflin?

So allow me to say a few words about the strike. It sucks. Period. At the end of the sentence. It is ripping apart people's lives. People who are close to me. Our crew members. People who work from paycheck to paycheck (as must people do), now have no paycheck. And they haven;t for some time. Since November 4th to be exact, on our show. How many of you could live with suddenly having no income since November 4th?

Re: the strike: Are the Big Media Companies in the wrong? Absolutely. Are the writers just in their wanting a share of New Media? Absolutely. The Companies are playing 2 sides of the fence... telling their shareholders that 1 billion dollars will come into their coffers in 2008 from Digital Media. But then arguing that no new formula can be established to the writers, because the finances are unknown.

But I digress...

At this point, a deal needs to be done. Not for me. Not for the fans. But for the LA Economy, that is being crippled by the loss of work for so many people. And for my friends. Who work here, helping to create (in my mind) the best show on television.

I am hearing now that they are close to a deal. That we might be back to work soon. Let us hope so. We all WANT to be, let me assure you that.

It was great spending time with all the cast again last Sunday night. At the SAG Awards. And a very pleasant surprise to have actually won. Really. It was nice. But for all of us, as Jenna said in the speech, who have worked a long number of years trying to make it in this business, it is about the work. And bringing joy and happiness to the fans. And by creating innovative television. And by laughing and sharing together every day on the set. THAT is what it is about. The recognition is amazing, especially by our fellow actors who understand what we are doing/ creating. But we all just want to be back at work.

And Kevin really wants to blog. Again. Soon.

So my best to all of you. I am going to be doing some traveling over the next couple of weeks. So if you see me in your fair city, give me a shout. And for the love of god... buy Kevin a drink.

All best,
Brian Baumgartner

1:18 AM - 267 Comments - 484 Kudos - Add Comment

A couple of PS- es

A few things to cover. It had been a long time since I blogged (That's what she said), (What does that even mean?), and so I wanted to catch you up on a couple of things I neglected to mention.

If you don't care about these things, my appologies in advance...

1) My fantasy football team had been in the absolute crapper. I started out 5 - 0. Then lost 5 out of the next 6 games. To bring my record to 6-5. I played Jim this week. He was in third place, I was in fourth, (out of 12) and only the top 4 go to the playoffs.

Suffice it to say... I kicked Jim's ass. If he won, I was going to once again offer an auction on my site for a date with him. But once again, he lost. I won.

The reasons for my FF problems. Ronnie Brown broke his ass, and is out for the year. Peyton Manning has not been Peyton Manning, example: throwing 6 interceptions in a game I attended in San Diego a couple of weeks ago. I had a long talk with him after the game, and he has promised to help me out the next few weeks.

2) If you are looking to take part in my "Autograph Exchange"- please see the details on my Home Page. They are right there.

3) My birthday is indeed Thursday.

4) Michelle, Amber, and Kat are strictly made up names. Made up for comedy. If there happen to be real people named, "Michelle", "Kat", and/ or "Amber". It is purely coincidence. For me, they exist only in my imagination. And yes. My lawyer said I had to say that.

5) The use of the name "Gary" in my previous blog is likewise, not real. He is, in fact, less real than Michelle, Kat, and Amber. I have no "people" named Gary. Again, I thought if I did have people, "Gary" would be a funny name to yell at. Funnier than "Lloyd" in fact. Much funnier.

6) Stuffing is my favorite (That's what she said) Thanksgiving item.

Be good. But not too good.

Peace,
Kev

10:23 AM - 128 Comments - 196 Kudos - Add Comment

Daylight Come and We want to go HOME

Hello Peeps-

Kevin Malone here. From Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. In Scranton, PA. It has been so long, I thought that I should re- introduce myself. I am an Accountant. I look a little like Ryan Seacrest. And I have a full head of golden locks. OK, well not "golden" exactly.

But I do look like Ryan Seacrest.

A lot has happened since last we chatted. Where to begin, where to begin...

There was a convention. In Scranton. A few weeks ago now. A bunch of fans of THE OFFICE came into town, and we had a good ole time together. We laughed. We partied. And then everybody left me there. For those of you that were there... did you have fun? Was it worth the trip?

As you can see in my profile picture. I sang. The Scrantones let me join them for an encore song, since Scrantonicity was not available (see: they were not asked to participate). It was the largest group of people I had ever been in front of, singing before. It was a rush. And, trust me when I tell you this... I rocked. Too bad for those of you that were not there. But again, I am available to travel, so let me know if you want to book my band for any weddings, bar mitzvahs, or senior citizens gathering. My people (Gary) will then call your people.

The best bar in the entire world is called THE BOG. It is in Scranton. And they let me bartend, when I need a little extra money. I spent Friday evening there, tending bar on Friday night of convention weekend. A note to peeps: Any drink with Southern Comfort in it, is not a good drink.

Because of the large number of people in from out of town, I had cops with me. Everywhere I went all weekend. In the old days, this would not have been a good sign, but these guys (and ESPECIALLY gals) are the best. Consider this my shout out to the good people in uniform in Scranton, PA. I tried to get deputy status during the weekend, but tey were not going to budge on that. Apparently, Paul Sorvino and Dwight have both been involved in incidents so no more deputies are being sworn in. Damn them.

We did an Office Olympics. I got proposed to. Fellow bloggers had a breakfast. There was a Casino night in a real Casino. I went to a hockey game. I got proposed to again. I rocked the roof off. Proposed.

And then everybody left. And it has been VERY VERY quiet.

As many of you know... the "writers" are on strike. I swear I don't know what the hell "writers" do on our particular show. But I guess they think they do something important. So while I am still sitting at my desk working at Dunder Mifflin, there are no cameras here to show it. And no crew peeps. And no food and goodies that get brought in. And not much of anything. It is quiet. TOO quiet. So here is my shout out to the crew who work on the television show, THE OFFICE. I miss having you guys around. I miss you. And I am thinking about you. And hope we all can be together soon. Cause you need to work. And I need to be shown doing what I do in the accounting department.

I have good news to report today. The people from this thing called "The Alliance" who represent producers. And the people from WGA, who represent writers. They are getting together to start talking again today. There will not be much news on anything, as long as things go well, cause they have declared a "press blackout". Which in my book is a good thing. Let them get together, give the writers at least some of what they richly deserve, and then let's have everybody go back to work. Talking about it to the press, just gets everybody angry. So just get in the room, and shut up until you have a deal you can tell us about.

So let's call this my "THe2 sides are talking, and in celebration I am writing" Blog. It has been hard. (That's what he said.) To not be with at least all of the old gang. But I know things will get worked out soon. (That;s what she said).

Any of you who were in Scranton, send me your pictures. I did not have a camera and I would love to see some pictures. Post them here, so others can see, or if you would prefer, send them to me in private.

Happy Thanksgiving peeps. And enjoy the holiday season that is upon us. I hope very very very soon, everyone will be back at Dunder Mifflin, making what is to me, the best show on television. I will keep you posted.

All best,

Peace,
Kev

10:37 AM - 141 Comments - 254 Kudos - Add Comment

Scranton News of the Weird

Peeps-

A quick one. (That's what she said.)

THE OFFICE. The last of the one hour shows is tomorrow night. Let's make it a big one. (Again, she said.) We will be on from 9- 10pm, and 8-9pm in the central. It should make you laugh. And cry. OK, maybe not cry. I will leave the crying to the folks at Grey's Anatomy. BTW- Is it really fair to call something ANATOMY in the title, and then never show any anatomy. Maybe we should file a lawsuit about false advertising. If there was real anatomy shown, then maybe I would actually watch it. OK, you are right.... no i wouldn't.

There is a convention coming to Scranton. And Al Roker will be there, so you know it will be a party. Maybe you should be there too?

I lost my first fantasy football game of the year. And wouldn't you know it, Peyton manning was on a bye week. Does that mean I will not lose again the rest of the year?

How do you spell SHRUTE? B- e- e- t- s.

And finally, a news story from my hometown. My hometown of Scranton. If this doesn't make you laugh (that's what HE said) then I don't know what will...

10/16/2007
West Side woman faces jail time for swearing at toilet
BY KIMM R. MONTONE
STAFF WRITER


A West Scranton woman could face up to 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $300 for allegedly shouting profanities at an overflowing toilet while inside her Luzerne Street home.

Dawn Herb, whose potty mouth caught the attention of an off-duty police officer, was charged with disorderly conduct recently, prompting her to fire off a letter to the editor and vow to fight the charge.

"It doesn't make any sense. I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk," said Ms. Herb, who resides at 924 Luzerne St. along with her four young children. "A cop can charge you with disorderly conduct for disrespecting them?"

The obscenities hit the fan when she battled her overflowing toilet around 8 p.m. Thursday, she said.

Although Ms. Herb doesn't recall exactly what she said, she admitted that she was frustrated and let more than a few choice words fly. Unfortunately, it was near an open bathroom window.

"The toilet was overflowing and leaking down into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop," she said. "A guy is yelling, 'Shut the f--- up,' and I yelled back, 'Mind your own business.' "

Her next-door neighbor, Patrick Gilman, a city police officer who was off-duty at the time, apparently had enough of Ms. Herb's foul mouth and asked her to keep it down, police said. When Ms. Herb didn't stop, he called the police.

Patrolman Gerald Tallo responded and charged Ms. Herb with disorderly conduct.

The citation accuses the defendant of using obscene language or gestures "with intent to cause public inconvenience, annoyance or alarm or recklessly (creating) a risk ..."

"There was no intent to do anything," Ms. Herb said. "I just feel so violated and irritated ... I don't even have a criminal record."

Efforts to reach Patrolmen Gilman and Tallo were unsuccessful.

Scranton Public Safety Director Ray Hayes said if anyone feels they were unjustly accused, they can address it before a judge.

"At the end of the day, the opinion that counts is of the magisterial judge," he said. "It may be something open to interpretation. The officer has his own and this person had the opposite opinion."

The use of obscene language or gestures is an offense under the state criminal code. But cursing at a police officer isn't a punishable offense, said Mary Catherine Roper, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union based in Philadelphia.

"It cannot be the basis for a citation. You can't prosecute somebody for swearing at a cop or a toilet," she said. "We bring one of these cases a year and sue some police departments because they do not remember that they are not the language police."

©The Times-Tribune 2007


All best.

Peace,
Kev

11:28 AM - 130 Comments - 241 Kudos - Add Comment