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3:59 AM - ETERNAL LOVE: personal favorites 2002-2008
Current mood:  determined
Category: Writing and Poetry
ETERNAL LOVE: personal favorites 2002-2008
For the past six years, I've poured my heart and soul out in poetic writings whether they were about me, personal friends, based on my political opinions, or heartfelt tributes. Despite all the feedback I've gotten here on the MySpace poetry scene, I am actually someone who is afraid to speak her mind, therefore I've pretty much done it through writing.
These pieces - presented to you - are personal favorites of mine. They aren't in any particular order, but like some of my stuff has touched you...these personally touch me. And because my writing is very, very personal, sometimes (I have to confess) the meaning and stories behind them scare me, make me laugh, or bring me to tears. But I never believed and nor will I ever believe that art is safe nor clean...unless you're afraid to speak your mind. Although I have struggles with honoring my own true feelings without feeling guilty for some, I have to say I am proud of my work. It's funny, 'cause it's kind of like a GREATEST HITS, only I'm not a singer nor musician...although it'd be pretty cool.
Through and through, I would - once again - love to thank my long-time readers and all those who've gotten a chance to meet, know, heal, and inspire Kristine Young. Lately, since I still feel my emotions are blocked and I'm struggling to accept them, I feel it's time I take time and tell MYSELF the truth and learn not to feel ashamed about them. I will be going on hiatus for a while....probably for a month or so....but I promise when I return and regain my strength, I will come back as a better writer...and hopefully a better person! ^^
For now, I hope you enjoy these works and continue to write your hearts out. God is in the details.
Much luv,
KRISTINE YOUNG
**********************
THE WRITINGS
1. I'm Not Weak [2007]
2. Clockwise [2008]
3. Washington Sqauare Park [2008]
4. Color Me... [2006]
5. Dreamy [2008]
6. Learning to Love [2007]
7. Love You Forever [2007]
8. MacDougal [2007]
9. 30 [2006]
10. The Bitter Pill [2008]
11. Fame [2008]
12. Beautiful Picture [2007]
13. Masochistic [2008]
14. The Big Machine [2007]
15. My Darling [2008]
16. Jersey Girl [2007]
17. Her Name Is Vision [2008]
18. I AM - UNPREDICTABLE - [2008]
19. Drive [2002]
20. Sincere [2007]
21. The Next Door [2007]
22. Lullaby [2007]
23. Mouth [2008]
24. Somewhere [2008]
25. After Dark [2007]
26. In Fear [2008]
27. Just Like You [2008]
**********************
I'M NOT WEAK
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
When I feel like crying,
I'd rather not speak
That's just me
Believe me, I'm not frail
It's not like I can't
pick myself up again
Yes, I need a friend
yet silence is golden
and you don't have to
always tell me it's okay
Because I know deep within
it will be just fine
So, when you see me
at my worse,
I ask you to turn away
Because I don't need advice
Just to think for myself
To listen to my heart
instead of the same words over again
I know all will be just fine
You don't need to tell me
I'm not weak
Because I know you believe in me
Because of you, my friend
I'm not weak
There are those who need
comfort in another person's arms
To be held close to a human heart
And yes, I need a friend at times
But please don't worry
all too much about me anyways
I can be okay
You don't need to tell me anything
I know you care and you know
that I'm not weak
Because you always keep me solid,
I'm not weak
**********************
CLOCKWISE
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
My life is no Cinderella
storyline, you know
I feel as though I am
dancing in your arms,
waiting for the chimes
instead of letting myself
become lost by your charm
For once in my life,
I do feel beautiful,
yet exposed and guilty
Oh, God, why don't you
just turn me into
a fucking maiden again?
There is a sledgehammer
in the corner of the ballroom
and an ice sculpture
on the other end of the room
I wanna spit in your eye
and take that sledgehammer
and tear this place apart
Wall to wall
I see how he looks at me:
Still a maiden
Too afraid
Too meak
I wanna break the ice
Break the glass
Show less class
I can't fucking
take her anymore
And I hate you
even more than before
I no longer wanna be
a marionette
unless it is I
who is pulling the strings
To break free, though,
is only a matter of time
Now you see me bleeding
Another death for me
that I've been waiting for
I can be more than just
your little charade
It's only a matter
of time
**********************
WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
*Written July 13th, 2008
Way up far away
from my little hometown,
I sit beneath the cloudy sky
in Washington Square Park
Thinking about all the moods
on this silver ring
from my jealous bones
to my pain and sorrow
I wonder if I deserve
to be happy again?
I outted myself
as an usual girl
with a broken smile
With her heart on her sleeve?
No, I don't think so
Only in therapy
I am trying to
be put back together
It takes time
Who cares enough
to really fix me?
I am out of mind
Lord knows why
But I play this game
It's not like it is
a bad little thing
Bring me a picture
of every word you say
'cause words are just words
I wanna see you play
I'm hunting for honesty
Ain't the truth so sad?
No one out there
really gives a damn
You are the key
to so many things,
it's so hard for me
Do I go forward
or do I run back home?
Who me?
I don't think so
Only in my negative dreams
will I do such a silly thing
I'm caught this web
And your candy is sweeter
than the rain
So much shit on TV
Do I really, really care?
Do you believe in me
like I believe in you?
Do you believe in life
like I believe it's true?
Do you honestly love me
like I honestly do love you?
This is the middle
Right smack in the very middle
'Cause this isn't happy
nor is it really sad
THis the the line
between the black and the white
Go gray, just today
Hey, I'd love to
have a smoke with you,
but I can't
I quit two weeks ago
It's too late
No turning back now
I don't care what she says
I've got this disease
that makes me want it
more and more everyday
no matter how down I am
or how hard I am on myself
And I don't think I'd
want to put yesterday
back together again....
...cause if you really
understood how I felt,
I find myself happier
in this era than
the one before I ever stepped
foot in Washington Square Park
**********************
COLOR ME...
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2006
Color me shy
Color me daring
Give me something
Anything
Anything you wish
me to be
Color me ugly
Color me beautiful
Give me a look
that I can say
is all my own
I dare you
I fucking dare you
Clothes don't always
make the woman
The colors of the rainbow
will eventually all go gray
Diamonds and pearls
Look into these eyes
Let it all sink in
Sink in to your skin
Color me anything
What you see
is not always
what you get
What you don't know
you should leave alone
unless you wish to
get to know and love
me...for....me.....
Color me preppy
Color me punk
Fucking attach whatever
label you want
It don't matter
It really all depends
on the mood I'm in
Color me silly
Color me serious
Don't piss me off
Don't break my spirit
I can be sweet like candy
But if you piss me off,
I might simply wanna
kick your ass
Don't judge a woman
until you're standing
in her stilletos
The colors of the rainbow
can all fade away
Black and/or white
Look into these eyes
Let yourself breathe it in
Breathe it all within
Color me anything
What you see
is not always
what you get
Never judge me by what I want
or by what I love
or what I do in my personal life
unless you wanna know
and love me for me....
Go on...
....color me anything
you wish
I promise you this:
YOU STILL WON'T GET IT RIGHT
**********************
DREAMY
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
I know you
look up to me
to a certain extent
I know you
are looking hard
to find yourself
I know they say
I am the icon of
purity and light
but you don't know
about the skidmarks
that tear my ego
and my happiness
into pieces
If you look closer
you will see
I'm no different
internally but you
think it's glamour 24/7
of this fairytale
Like a romantic comedy
But I will give you
a peek into my tragedy
and I will let you
decide when you reach
for another star
Can you breathe
when you're in so deep?
You cannot when you
are trapped in a box
that they want to
lock you in
You will be lost
You will be afraid
and unable to see
that following me
will only lead you
to ultimate shame
I will fail you
I will break you
I will cut you like
I've done it to
myself
And in your nightmares
when you only pray
for a sweet dream,
I will come to you
and scream:
"Don't you dare!"
**********************
LEARNING TO LOVE
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
You never let anyone
come close to you
No matter how kind
No matter how sincere
You never let anyone
hold you when you're sad
No matter how much
you need someone
to whisper it's all right
You never want to confess
you can't make it alone
without a helping hand
to guide you carefully
You never believe
relationships of any kind
can last even if you know
in your heart
they're meant to be for you
You know that love
is what we need to breathe
yet you believe
you're not worthy of such
a beautiful thing
Come
Open your eyes
Hold out your heart
Understand
I won't be someone
who will let you down
Keep in mind
that love is true
and friendship can
be a remedy for the sadness
Wouldn't you like
to feel tenderness from someone
and give it in return?
Those who give it to you
will never walk away
even when you feel nothing
but emptiness
Give me time
and I will let it all
heal the wounds of
all the hurt from before
Give me time
and I will tear the wall
down for you
I'm still learning
how to give chances
I'm still learning
how to love
**********************
LOVE YOU FOREVER
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
I hope you don't
feel sorry
for what you've done
Don't if you do, please
If you read this,
you will not know
that it's you
whom I am talking to
July 8th, 1981
in the city
called Seoul
What happened?
Where did he go?
How did it feel
holding me
in your arms?
You were so alone
and so was I
But you know,
there is no need
to be ashamed
To break down
and cry
Because I'm all right
Yeah, your wish
came true
If you wanna find me,
I will welcome you
with my heart
in my hands
for you to hold
But if you wanna forget
the past and move on,
I understand
That's just fine
Either way,
I honestly don't care
But if you
wanna know the truth,
I'll always have
a special place
just for you
I thank you for
giving me a chance
to live
Life hurts
but it's okay
You should know
if you remember my name
*For my biological mother
**********************
MACDOUGAL
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
Some dude with a
fine Brooklyn accent
who can intiminate others
lets me stand in a line
of hot fire
that glows a strange glow
of blue like ice
And I let him look
right into my vulnerable eyes
and try to figure out
my life story
Yet I feel stripped down
to my dirty feet
and I feel so violated
that the tears sting my eyes
My skin is cold
as well as my heart
But then he hands me
this key that will
unlock the secrets
to who I truly am
Make me see what
I do not see....
...and perhaps don't want to
Pushes me to face
my pathetic fears that
I do not wanna confront
But I need to know
the truth just so
I can survive another day
in this rainy-day place
Part of me wants to
go home and forget everything
Live a life quietly
without any mentioning
of what once was
But somehow, I just can't
let go so easily
So, I bravely put myself
into this unkind realm
Something told me to
stay where I was
Standing at the beginning
of this unfaithful gameboard
But it's not a game
we play every Tuesday
Now Wednesday
I can't see where
all this is really going
Yet I don't care to know
I stand here in the middle
where the bright lights
now blind my teary eyes
and see our world finally
and how it really is
But where do I fit?
Who will label me?
I do not know
but still, I stay here
Can't break away
No, not after all those years
It's the only life
I really know of
now these days
Down on my luck,
I turn to therapy
And in my mind, I am
a mess at large
Read my mind
and look at my wrists
I just wanna run away
and never return
Escape from here
including my own home
Rebel girl comes out
and rips my heart apart
Yet the blood stains words
onto the concrete
leaving messages saying
I am here to stay
I am not going nowhere
I've bitten the poision apple
and now, I've become this
Wild child - unique girl
Hungry girl
Desperate child
Afraid yet brave in a
rather unsual kind of way
Wanna be something
Wanna prove something
to all of you
back in that litte town
Life is a strange thing....
....isn't it?
**********************
30
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2006
Midnight voodoo
Sweet like candy
Lust or love - what is
in between?
Looking @ you
looking @ me
What really was it
that brought you here
to me?
I said no to the love
you are offering me
Gonna do
Gonna say
Gonna live the way
I want life to be
What can I do?
Has somebody
broken into my room?
So - too many -
lovers come on in
Bitter candy
fed to me
Can I find it?
Someone who carries
the sacred key to my
mind and soul?
Can you please
come again
on a much better day?
Said nobody
Said no one
Said not one being
can ever tie me down
How long, though, will
I be "free"?
Who are you?
Who am I?
Are you sure we can
put ourselves in this?
Who are we?
Who is us?
Should we do it
for today?
Who is she?
Who is he?
Does any of this
make sense to you at all?
There are no promises
Not until
I live for me
Understand?
UNDERSTAND?!
**********************
THE BITTER PILL
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
Reality is a bitter pill
to swallow whole
when you're so lonely
Down on yourself
and a mess
Night falls
and the sun goes down
You curl up to sleep
but your heart is screaming
Help me feel something
if you can
If happiness is real
why do you rarely
feel it even when you
make a new friend?
Hold your lover
tightly in your arms?
Is it all just a myth
and we are the fools?
Where is the razor blade?
Where are the happy pills?
Nightime of heavy sorrows
Please break my heart
for good if you can
just so I don't feel
anything anymore
Nothing at all
You must really be miserable
to wanna bring
another human soul
down with you
Bleed like a craze
and feel free from
the pain
More and more,
it will all evanesce,
but it never really
goes away...
...until the end of time
**********************
FAME
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
Like a diamond
in the sky
Like a queen
right before your eyes
BOW DOWN
On your knees
Worship me
Follow me
Love me
Envy me
You don't really
care about me
Lost in the crowds,
I question fame
The love - if it's real
Or if it's false
Who knows what
they're thinking
when the cameras
are on 24/7?
Is it gonna be me?
I am sick of being
just another face
within my family tree
I'm fearless
yet I'm cautious
I am loved,
but it's never enough
Never enough for
my ego and myself
Fall in love with me
You don't really
have to, but
fucking look at me
and sigh with pure delight
as you wish you had
it all yourself
I question fame
like I question
everyone around me
My anger is fierce
where I am ready
to push you on the ground
and make you bleed
so the concrete will
stain from your blood
and spell out my name
Just remember me
even if you decide
that you don't really
care about me
Let me show you
what they did to me
How they gagged
my true colors
with the things they
used to say
And the unsure smiles
they gave to me
It's been too long
Way too long
And now I'm ready to
shine like the sun
That will be my
sweetest revenge
But I question fame
like I question
what really makes me
happy in the end:
Being low-key
Or being out there
for all the world
to see who I am?
But what they will see
will turn into
a stereotype
Is it worth it?
Which is better?
Being humble?
Being loud?
Will you love me?
Do you love me now?
I wonder if you
even give a fuck
if you see me
smile or frown anyways
'Cause I give one
on whether you
care or not
after I tore down
the lock around my heart
to you
And that
is anything
but easy for me
I want fame
But I don't...
...how fucked-up is that?
**********************
BEAUTIFUL PICTURE
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
I want to....
....take....
....every picture....
....that I've ever drawn....
........and hang it on a clothes line...
....and burn them
down to the ground
I....want nothing....
.....NOTHING.............
.........to do with them
...................anymore
It's cold
and I'm cold all the time
So, how could you say
I'm destroying myself
when I already have?
Don't pay attention to me
'cause I'm a mess
This is the girl I've hid
for a very, very long time
When I was young,
it was nothing, but traces
Traces of colors
Beautiful colors
on a page
on a canvas
And this......
....THIS......
is what they expect of me
But this is what
I want to throw away
Let me wash away
the paint stains
and show you what
I can also do
Don't lock me in a box
that you can look at
and easily recognize
My name is Anxiety
and I've got a lot of it
You don't know me anymore
than I know myself
**********************
MASOCHISTIC
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
Do you ever wonder
if this world is
loving to take
the shit of others?
Loving the idea of
a weep that leaves
a deafening echo
in the midnight hour
that haunts you
the moment you wake up?
Loving the world
as it falls apart
right before our eyes?
Are we in love with
being so deep in shit?
In love with being icons
of *perfection* and *purity*?
Copies of the *brave*
and the *sweet* - the soul
survivors who will
make it through the gates
after Judgement Day?
But I call them manipulators
or better yet -
LOSERS!
If fate
If opression
If fear
and ignorance
as well as hatred
and confusion
is sadistic.....
....then we must be....
**********************
THE BIG MACHINE [50th]
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
It's like what you
would call
a big machine
A factory of both
hope and pain
It's like what you
would call
something that is
stranger than fiction
Emotions....
...they are always
unusual elements
What is an act
and what is real?
Magic and mystery
You may call it that
I am both
encouraged
yet I am afraid
What if it all
comes apart
before I can begin?
It's okay
It's just fine
It's my life
like I love it
The only life
I really know of
and who I should be
Yes, I do see
a clutter of questions
unanswered
God - no one will
answer them for me if
I ask anyways
Now it's all gone
Now, we see the
throat-cutting
like I have seen
the sacrifices
Just look at
all of them
in that line of
fiery anger
They aren't smiling
like they do
in pictures
NOBODY is
Have you figured out
that we are
more than we you
may see with your eyes
This is the only
life I now know of
and who I should be
You'll never see
the whole picture
the way I can
and have for years
Come on, now
Come walk in my boots
Maybe you'll understand
a little bit
See why I can
never ever say
good-bye to
all of this?
The hope that's been
born within?
The questions unanswered
Yes, but....
....I take my time
to put the puzzle
together
again and again
until it all make sense
Everything from
my life to who I really am
If you tell me
the dream is over
I'll prove you wrong....
....like I always have
before
and always will
**********************
MY DARLING
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
That asshole - I gave
him my heart
That asshole - I cooked
him his food
My darling - he is
a disillusioned fool
If I catch him again,
I will kick in his
stupid, dumb, sex-addicted ass
Don't she have
anything better to do?
Why'd she steal my man?
Could I compete
against a young whore?
Or is it he who I
really should
aim the anger towards?
That numbskull gave me
his name to have
And he also gave me
his ring to wear
Roses are red, but so is wrath
And if you can't keep
your dick in your pouch,
I guess I'll have to
make you take it all back
You see...
This boy got mad issues
I'm afraid so
But I'm not showing any
remorse for his woes
Was here to rock his world
and shake it up...
...until she came along
and tore it all apart
Wanna be happy together
like Ozzie and Harriet?
Do you still need her?
Can you feel her in your hands?
He is so sorry,
but he's such a clown
Can you see his shame?
Can you feel his sorrow?
Wanna be Romeo to
this Juliet?
Can we make it?
Can we reach tomorrow?
Being in love really
sucks, you know
He loves me
He loves me so, but...
...in the end, he
may not be worth my time
Still, my love won't
let me leave him
I can't leave him alone
**********************
JERSEY GIRL
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
I'm just a Jersey girl
with a New York dream
I'm just a lonely girl
who doesn't feel like
she really belongs here
I'm obsessed with the stars
hanging up above me
I thought you would like
to see my happiness unfold
But all I see now is
an empty space
The space that once
belonged to you
I thought you'd always
be around
and I guess you thought
I was genuine
As much as I wanna place
all the blame on you;
I guess I have to point
out my own mistakes, too
So, I'm the selfish one
The strange kid
with the odd fascinations
But is that really me?
Or is it because you
don't understand
like I'd wish you would?
I was the weaker one
and you always held me up
But sometimes I see
another lost soul looking
right back at me
I tried so hard
to please everybody
But in the end of it all,
it was I who was the most needy
But today I realized
that it's not the same
Not like it was before
and for some strange reason,
I feel just fine
So, who do I turn to
when I need someone to
look me straight in the eyes?
Will you tell me the truth
about life and how it is today?
Can you do that for me?
Or can I not rely on you?
Must I rely on myself now
because I feel you're so far away?
I just don't know what to do
I just know what I want
Maybe it's me who needs
to push the illusions away
To finally understand everything
would feel really nice for once
You know me as
the loving daughter
The loyal friend
Deep down inside, I still am
It's just that you
see only the outside layers
I often ask myself
what you are doing with
a girl like me
But I do love my life
even though it hurts sometimes
So tell me what I did
to bring such confusion
to my mind?
Is it really happening
right before my young eyes?
You know...I try to hide my pain
and I try to put up with
the seasons changing so fast
But underneath it all......
......I feel just fine
**********************
HER NAME IS VISION
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
It was a rainy day, okay?
I didn't feel like
doing anything, okay?
I just wanted to bury
myself in my sorrow
and hide away
Maybe I'll feel better
by tomorrow
I'll let you know
I don't wanna be
in this life no more
This body - I want
someone else's to adore
Be anyone, but myself,
but what do I do
when I feel like
I got not one bit
of optism nor hope left
in my blood stream?
There is this place
where I belong
I don't know where
it is or what it's like
A role I was meant to play
for all eternity
They say go find yourself
and perhaps I already did
Who I saw and what I saw
when I touched the glass,
I just couldn't take it
I guess you can say
that life just sucks
And then, that is all
You live
You die
You just realize that
dreams don't always
come to life
So what's the point
to even bother?
I'm gonna fail
and crawl back home
There is this girl, though
Her name is VISION
She holds a rhinestone
pistol against my temple
She tells me if I don't,
she will shoot
So, yeah, I guess
you live
you push
you laugh and cry
But do you really die?
She didn't like who
I am just as much
as myself
So, she promised to
take me and devour me
And no, she isn't
showing me no mercy
At all
Could I be her, though?
Only because she is
who I wish to really be
She's gotten everything
that I want in life
From happiness
to confidence in all
she puts herself in
And now she starves me
because she shows me
I can't touch a thing
Not a thing
I don't know,
but I'll tell you what:
I will just see
how far I can push myself
**********************
I AM - UNPREDICTABLE -
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
Who is that girl
with the bashful sparkle
inside her eye?
The same girl who took herself
away from her small world
to compete in an industry
so far fetched and heavy
Who is that girl who
doubts herself yet never
second guesses
what she knows she CAN do?
I am...
...unpredictable
Who is that girl
who is quiet as a mouse,
but her actions are bolder
than words could
ever describe?
The same girl who is looking
for love, but she knows
it's more important
to love thyself first of all
Yeah, I guess it is
not always what I think it is,
but whatever will be
there, I will hold
my hand out
with eyes wide opened
I am...
...unpredictable
Who is that girl who is
insecure to speak her mind
yet she does it well
when there is a pen in hand?
The same girl who is pretty
cocky yet she don't
really have anything special
to say about herself
I've always admire
a strong-willed, edgey
independant woman
like any young girl does,
and yet my biggest inspiration
happens to be a man
I am...
...unpredictable
Looking at everything
and the chapters
written by far,
I'm only left to wonder
what will become
from here to eternity
Who says nothing is
worth fighting for?
Bitter beginnings
bleed out towards
a sweeter end
Looking at all I
have lost before,
I now see what I have
laying right before me
for the present time
Nothing we hope for
comes to us easily
Yeah, I guess it is
not truly everything,
but it don't matter anyways
Unprotected for the first time,
and it feels great
I know there is a chance
for me 'cause I'm not afraid
like I think I am
Bitter beginnings ALWAYS
bleed out towards a sweeter end
**********************
DRIVE
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2002
Driving in the car
as the rain hits the windshield
The sky is gray today and the wind is cold
My emotions are frozen now
but my thoughts are still warm
I am in no hurry to go anywhere
and I'd rather be all alone
I ignore the cell phone and radio
I look out for red lights
and green lights as normal
My hand gripped on the wheel
and my foot pressed gently on the excellerator
I've got my eye on the road
The other is blinded by thinking
as I hear the rain tapping
I have been trying to find
who I am deep down inside
There is someone calling out to me
and says, "Get me out!"
I search for someone who understands
I search for answers to feed
my starving wonder
Perhaps I try too hard
Perhaps I complain too much
Perhaps I'm still afraid
But why am I so afraid?
Someone please tell me
What are dreams anyway?
Why do we have them
and why do they haunt us
even while we're still awake?
Where do they come from
and why do they always stay?
Who is trying to run for them?
And who just sits there
and never gives a damn?
Why is it me?
Why does it have to be me?
If only I could snap my fingers
and everything I want will be here the next day
Why do we fight just to be happy or fullfilled?
Someone please tell me
Why does everything have to change?
Why doesn't anyone or anything
just stay the same?
Who accepts in their lives
and who tries to avoid?
Why is it me?
Why does it have to be me?
If only I could say one word
and do everything I want to do
I could brush through it
like I'm running my fingers through my hair
Why do we struggle just to improve ourselves?
Why do even the "experts" still search for more answers?
So, this is what it's like
to be only twenty-one
A girl with an imagination
that wants to be fullfilled
My own little knowledge is still
growing like a flower
and my own wisdom is learning how to walk
I want to do so much
but I know....yeah, I know
there is too much I need to learn
Why does everyone keep saying
that I'm still young when I already know that?
Why does everyone try too hard
to understand how I really feel?
Do you know how I feel?
Do you know what I fear?
You know it, because I'm sure
you've suffered the same way
when you were my age
I don't need to tell you
how I feel or what I fear
If you are smart, then you should know it
Does anyone know why we all have wishes?
Is there really a wishing star hanging above us?
Why do we all build castles
in the sky in our lives?
How come people are afraid
and if I am afraid, too,
how come I dare to face the fear?
How come when I am alone, this is what I think?
How come no one knows how to answer these?
**********************
SINCERE
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
Your hand in mine
Your sincerity
in the right place.....
....yet still I
keep that distance
between us
Please, don't ask me why
You need to be
that flame
And I must be
that moth
I want to come
close to you
And admitt that
you are my friend
Not just "a friend"
but a real friend
Someone I can trust
Someone I know
who will never hurt me
But it's not easy
'cause still I keep
that distance in
betwee us
Please, don't ask me why
Do you see that
I am afraid of you?
Afraid of your honesty
Afraid of your thoughtfulness
Please, don't ask me why
Yet the idea of you
neglecting me someday
is what scares me even more
So, I try my best
not to drive you away
If I can succeed
at that....
...well, then good for me
I can't stand it
Believe me
I will let you
inside if you see
that I'm not
as pathetic as
people intend me to be
Someone on Earth
must have some kind of love
for me to cherish
and to actually believe in
without feeling cautious
Please, tell me
my intuition on that is true
at least
Maybe then I'll be
able to remove this mask
and let you look into
the windows of
my tattered soul
that is slowly healing
one day at a time
Maybe someday I can
forget my tears
Forget my fears
and give you a chance
to show me who
you truly are deep down inside
I love you
**********************
THE NEXT DOOR
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
I'm underneath that
shiny golden tree again
with sparkling fruits
that glisten like diamonds
I see a young child
with long raven hair
try to reach another
piece of those
ripe exotic fruits
She wants another bite
Something sweet she can
sink her teeth into
As she jumps for one,
she can hear echoing
laughter of demons
The eerie whispers of
wicked witches
Can you hear them, too?
'Cause fools - like these -
always laugh at you
Always....
She holds the key
to her own future
The key that will open
the next door
She holds the key
to her box of dreams
The key that will
give her the wings
to reach for the stars
within the violet sky
I've gotten most
of what I've always wanted
And yet I ask for more
'cause I know
it's not over yet
When I was that girl,
I never gave up
although they still laugh
and yes, they still whisper
Always....
I've never imagined
it'd all come to this
Despite the sorrow,
I still continue
to look for answers
Will I get them all?
I do not know
So, I just move on
faithfully
So, yes, indeed
No matter what they say
or even think,
it's up to me
I don't believe fate
is carved in stone
anyways.....
I hold the key
to my existance
The key that will open
the next door
I turn the key
to the next door
and behind it,
I see another long-winded
road within this
labyrinth that is my life
**********************
LULLABY*
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
A touching dream
A wish made to
Heaven straight from
the heart
How could you believe
that nothing works?
That it's all an
empty space?
Look inside and see
all your needs
and find your hope
Come walk with me
and tell me
what it is that
brings you down
I can't promise you
that I can fix
your broken emotions
nor erase your sorrow
Yet I can show you
the stars
and I will tell you
they are all
there for you
To wish upon
To pray upon
and in return,
they shine with
an unsual light
just for you
even it isn't dark
To me, it's unfortunate
to believe in death
No second chances
No choices avail
Just an ending
full of sadness
and unhealing
If you could find
your name
written in those stars,
you'll see it's not
the end after all
no matter what
it may be you fear
So, close your eyes
and dream for me
Your anger hushed, first
Then,look deep within
That broken heart
you will see
it still beats
a beautiful sound
even if it does bleed
And even with tears
falling from your eyes,
you can still smile
even if it's a struggle
and if it hurts,
then you know
you are still alive
Just free yourself
and find what you
are hoping for
And although I can't
walk with you always
on this rocky road,
I can promise you'll
be able to remember this
every time you lose
touch with the light
of the millions of stars
that shine just for you
*Dedicated to the broken-spirited and broken-hearted who read these pieces
**********************
MOUTH
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
I, for one, am not
a little lamb
Not weak-minded
Not afraid to be
true to myself
And the things they do
pushes pins into my skin
I know I smile,
but my heart's still screaming
for no more, 'cause I know
there's something better
right out there
Don't ignore me
I've got something to say
Not sure how to express it, though,
through word of mouth,
so I'll just write it down instead
What they told me
is I need spiritual cleansing
and that I've failed
to cure it all on my own
And I need to admitt
that love is the remedy,
but it's not easy
when all you believe
are lies in disguise
as roses so red
I, for one, am not
gonna torture my soul
like I have before
That is over and done,
although the harsh rain
still storms on my
parade of whatever
I'd love a change
I'd love a new reflection
Someone tell me how to get there
But what do I care
what others really have to say?
So, I say:
Don't ignore me
I've got a pocket of shit
to smear on your clean face
Angelic faces roam this Earth
like artists express their thoughts,
but none of them
are anything like myself
I've got broken wings,
but don't you go thinking
I'm a fallen angel
'Cause the ones who forever fall
never ever fly again
and that sure in hell
ain't who or what I am
What they say I need
is spiritual cleansing
'cause I've failed
to cure it all on my own
And I do admitt
that love is the remedy,
but it's not easy
when all you believe
are lies in disguise
as roses so red
Careful words
disguised as roses
Disguised as stars
shining so brightly
above my head
I may be delicate,
but I sure in hell
ain't gonna give up
on finding true love
I am not alive
to fail again
at this so-called self-searching
they say it is
No more sugar for me
Just shut me up
and pull me away
Force me to let it go
**********************
SOMEWHERE
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
Somewhere out there
a young girl
comes out
to her family
Somewhere out there
a young girl
learns of her gift
from up above
And here I am
at this table,
thinking about you
Somewhere out there
a young girl
cries in the corner
of her room
during the midnight hour
Blood trickles
and stains her skin
She's alive, yet she
wants to feel nothing
She wishes to be dead
deep from within
A broken-hearted maiden
who used to love
and dream
But the dream is so
far away
And I
sit here
at this table
under a light
And I
think about you
and I speak of you
without knowing you
or even seeing
your face
And I say,
"Remember - you're not alone...."
"Remember - you share
the same kind of destiny...."
I've been out
I've got a gift
to share with you
if this world
gives me that chance
I used to punish myself
for disbelief
in who I was
Just to prove if
my emotions are true
I used to believe
I was no one with
my dreams
fogged from my eyes, but...
...someday
you will learn it
all isn't true
Someday
You will learn it all
is in your head
that you are
worthless to
human kind
Remember
not my face
nor my name
Remember
that you are
never alone
And I
sit here
at this table
under the same light
And I
turn this ill fate
around somehow
as I hope you will
hear me say to you:
"Remember not my face
nor my name...."
"....remember that you
are never alone."
**********************
AFTER DARK
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2007
I love the midnight hour
with somber lights aglowing
upon these vinyl city streets
Tonight is very lonely
in a metropolis that never sleeps
and perhaps I've been
all by myself for way too long
I've rejected all too much
love and tenderness
and I think I need to stop
before I miss out
on something really special
Something real
for once in my lifetime
I've got my eye
on somebody
but again, it's my heart
that plays the tricks
on my thoughts
because I know I'm not
in love with this soul
no matter what it says
even though
it'd be nice if I were
I guess I want someone
to love me
But in the end, I know
I'll be burned again
by this need I've got
This desire I wish
would just simply
go away
along with the night
when morning comes
I want
anyone, but you
Anyone, but you
It's always I who
finds the lovers
she can never have
No amount of affection
can win them over
And in the end,
I'm the one hanging
my head with tears
streaming from my eyes
If only I could be
the one to break
one fragile heart
Yet I know
I would if I dare
to take you
and pretend you're mine
I'd be the wicked one
The anti-heroine
So I try to convince myself
that I want....
.....anyone, but you
I want anyone,
but you
Yes, I've been
let down before
So much indeed
and now I find myself
unable to connect
with the warmest human heart
And I know if
I go through with this
sexual escapade,
I'll never forgive myself
because you'll lose
everything you've got
I swear I'll just
leave you alone,
but in my mind,
I continue to watch
myself fucking you
You fucking me
Damn, I'm such a fool
This isn't just a little crush
This is real attraction
based on my unvieled sexuality
And please, believe me
when I say
I want anyone, but you
Anyone, but you
I guess I really want
somebody tonight
but I wish for anyone
Anyone, but you
Anyone
You'll never
Never know how I feel
I keep this secret
all to myself
We'll always
Always be apart
despite my wanting
to be with you
To share a life with you
I'll never
Never take away
anything you share with her
Have built with her
I'd rather have you
starve me than to ever
give me what
I am begging from you
'Cause I want
anyone, but you
Although, I really do
I wish it was anyone
Anyone, but you
Can't have you
Anyone....
....but you
Leave me begging
Leave me begging
for your love
**********************
IN FEAR
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
Letting go before
anything comes undone?
Bowing out before
the curtains rise is fun?
That ain't no way
to live this life
if you dare to dream
Shadows and light will
follow behind you no matter
where or how far you go
Too afraid to feel?
Too afraid to give out
your heart of gold to me?
That ain't no way
to breathe during your
short lifetime
Show yourself in front
of the ghosts that haunt
Uncover your inhabitions -
someone will come for
the purpose of curing all
of your painful wounds
Even if it's all a wave of sorrow
along with the fear,
you must know that you cannot
always come to understand everything
If you can be so afraid
and still lead your way,
then smile instead
of releasing your tears
So much for allowing
yourself to live
in fear
Shaming and punishing yourself?
Bringing yourself down
in the hours after 12 AM?
That is the reason why angels
cry as they watch you fall
Convincing yourself life
is over for good?
You need nobody you say,
but you confess to yourself
you are lying about that thought?
That is the healing of
a scornful heart
Promise, though, to not think
Just do
Mistakes you innocently make
Don't you know
that every journey never is
a one-way street?
Unmask your bitter emotions -
someone will come for
the purpose of caring for you
and for who you really are
Even if you still feel
a little cautious,
you must know that you will
never learn everything
in a single episode of you days
If you can still be so afraid,
and still search for a better way,
then convince yourself of
the strengths you've found
within every ounce
of your weaknesses
So much for allowing
yourself to live
in fear
**********************
JUST LIKE YOU
by Kristine Young
Copyright 2008
*For A.G.
I wanna be
just like you
How ironic is that?
Considering I don't
believe in role models
No one can take away
what I DO know
in my stubborn heart
It is nothing new
for me to look for
inspiration and fall out
of love with it,
but you always keep me moved
You can take me
and break the ice
and show me what is true -
even if it will hurt me so
But I know deep down inside,
you do it, 'cause you care
I guess everybody needs
some honesty
When I was lost in my
own illusions of knowing
everything I thought was right,
only you woke me up
After all my tears
and my own spiral of shame,
you're still here
to show me more
And if I lose my way
out there in the real world,
I know I could
turn to you
Nothing is impossible
Always follow your dreams
You told me
If you can dream it,
you can be it
You can be anything
Anything you want to be
I am a little girl
out there in the big world
on my own
But I feel lucky
Lucky to know you are
there to help me grow
I hope you never
ever walk away
Your honesty DOES
brighten my day
Everything that I know now
is because you taught me
Because you never gave up
on a girl like me
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New Kids on the Block
Release date: 2008-09-02
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