Did You Know I Write Other Stuff?

It's true! I write about everything from pornography to dieting.


Pornography Exploits Men
The pornography industry, in its lust for money, objectifies and exploits men who perform sexual acts on film for their profit.
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The Great Communion Cracker Caper
Pork sandwiches made of communion wafers recipe takes a stand against Catholic dogma and idiotic behavior.
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Backup Your Computer
Why you should back up your computer, the different kinds of backups and stories about those who didn't backup. Your questions answered.
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Ladies Room Etiquette
Give the other women who have to share the bathroom a break and be ladylike, at least in the bathroom. Read more here



Movie Theater Etiquette
The truth has become unavoidable; other people don't give a crap about your movie experience.
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That Hummer is Flipping You Off
Many people argue that a wee wee-wee should be allowed to drive any car they want as long as they can afford it.
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TED Talk Discussion: Building a Family Tree for All Humanity
Spencer Wells studies diversity of human beings all over the world. The field researchers involved with Wells' studies have taken DNA samples from people all over the world. They wanted to make a genetic family tree. They found a genetic Adam and Eve, from Africa.
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Zombie Movie Diet
Almost all zombie survival techniques require a high level of physical fitness.
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1:58 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Zombie Movie Diet

When I watch movies I often find myself trying to figure out how the lessons of the stories apply to my life. Idiocracy gave me the only reason to have children that I ever pondered. The Princess Bride taught me not to take life so seriously and to see brilliance in silliness. Beyond the Gates reinforced the need to act as a human being when dealing with Africa and made me ashamed of my country. King of Kong reminded me not to take seriously things that are supposed to be fun. Most surprising to me was the lesson I learned from 28 Days Later; go on a diet.

1:48 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Mirrors

Mirrors is about a security guard looking at what’s evil in the mirrors. Mirrors is a reflection of the director, writers and actors and they’d be smart to steer clear of the looking-glass until the original celluloid for this film is destroyed.

Ben Carson (Kiefer Sutherland) lands a job at the nearly destroyed Mayflower Department store as the night security guard after being removed from the police force because of a shooting gone wrong. His wife Amy Carson (Paula Patton) had kicked him out of the house after the shooting because he was suffering from a slight mental breakdown. His new job did nothing to help his mental health situation when he realizes there is something in the mirror. The reflections are showing him things that weren’t really there, something evil. It gets worse when he realizes anything reflective is dangerous.

When I left the theater I worried that I was suffering from Rosacea. I realized it wasn’t the skin rash nicknamed Slap-Face, I actually had slapped my forehead enough through Mirrors that my face was red.

It gets worse, much worse...
Please excuse the myspace redirect message.

1:41 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Hamlet 2

Hamlet 2 is the story of an off-kilter failed actor turned off-kilter failed teacher. Hamlet 2 struggles to be an irreverent expression of reverence, but succeeds only in being a reverent act of reverence.

Broke as a joke Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan), is a bizarre former professional actor who teaches drama poorly at a school in Tuscon, Arizona. Unable to put on a quality play or to attract students into his class, the school decides to no longer offer drama. A change in circumstance causes an influx of students into his class. Racial conflict and jealousy stir up in the class room. Inspired by his love for the art of drama, Dana decides to put on the best show possible; his own masterpiece, Hamlet 2. While fighting to keep his job and teach the craft of drama, his wife Brie (Catherine Keener) wants to get pregnant.

Hamlet 2 is constipated comedy. Find out why they need laxatives...

1:35 AM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

House Bunny

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Man on Wire Should Hang Themselves by One

Man on Wire is a documentary of a man who could either be called brave or obscenely stupid, depending on your perspective; this man walked on a wire between the Twin Towers. Man on Wire is a beautiful movie about a repulsive personality.

French tight rope walker Philippe Petit sees the building of the twin towers as a challenge. A challenge of his abilities, a challenge of the loyalties of those around him and a challenge of his own will. Unconcerned with anyone but himself, Philippe Petit chugs along, trying to make his way up the towers and across them. In smaller acts of defiance, he walked across several important structures all over the world. His behavior captured the attention of the people who saw them and damaged the relationships with those people he involved in his schemes.

Man on Wire’s cinematography glistens. There are times during Man on Wire that took me out of the moment because of its beauty. The director, James Marsh, and cinematographer, Igor Martinovich, use several different styles of shooting to create different moods. When they are discussing how they actually performed the Twin Towers walk, the scenes are shot in black and white. Those scenes reminded me of old robbery movies in look and feel.

Casting person Adine Duron did a fantastic job of casting two actors who look so close to the actual people Man on Wire represented. There are several scenes that take place in the past that aren’t of the actual heist, and those scenes are masterfully shot to look the way footage of the time would’ve looked. Grainy and shot in 1970’s style cinematography, I was totally fooled. I didn’t know it wasn’t actual footage from the time until I read the press notes.

Each person involved in the wire walk was interviewed separately and given playful titles such as “The Australian” and “The Accomplice.” The interviews go from sad to silly. There are men with silly mustaches, hearts on the sleeves of many people and great affection. Many of the people recall the events with a deep bitter sweet quality, except Philippe Petit; it was all sweet to him.

It seems the only people in his life were those willing to be focused on Philippe Petit’s dream; willing to take the risk of crime with him or to follow his wishes explicitly. His girlfriend at the time, Annie Allix, said she felt her dreams were unimportant to him, that only his mattered. Even the way Petit recounts his story in Man on Wire is wildly self-absorbed.

As many well made documentaries do, Man on Wire left me asking questions. Is Philippe Petit a great adventurer, a pusher of limits and an admirable personality because he did what no one else would do? Were the people who followed him across from Europe to commit this crime mindless morons or were they loyal supporters who thought they were part of something great? Was this act of walking between Twin Towers an act of greatness? Was Annie Allix a weakling? Is Philippe Petit a person we should admire or someone deserving of the numerous eyerolls I gave him? If he died during the stunt, would I languish in the sorrow of the passing of such a maverick or would I have suggested him for a Darwin Award?

If Philippe Petit were killed during this stunt and I witnessed it, I would feel only a welling of laughter only held back by good manners. After I got home and allowed myself a hearty, gut busting laughter, I’d head directly to my computer and visit www.darwinawards.com for my suggested award winner.

I appreciate the craftsmanship of Man on Wire but don’t feel nourished having actually seen Petit’s account himself. Man on Wire is a well made, visually marvelous movie about a man who doesn’t deserve such attention. If I have to hear Petit talk anymore, I might throw myself off The Sears Tower.

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10:41 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Pineapple Express Review

Pineapple Express Review
If you really need a half an hour of really good laughs, then try Pineapple Express.
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2:06 PM - 1 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The Dark Knight - WOW!

The Dark Knight, the next installment in the Batman movie series, is unsurpassed, unmatched, unadulterated, unimaginable WOW!

This is where I usually write my summary of the plot but to tell you anything would be to spoil it for you.

The Dark Knight is visual splendor. Director Christopher Nolan and cinematographer Wally Pfister create such a dark environment without sacrificing the viewability for the audience. There are amazing visual effects but some of the best visuals were not effects at all. Nolan didn’t take the easy way out: there are actual exploding buildings and vehicles! There are numerous chase scenes and none of them lose their edge or become dull. There are gadgets and gizmos aplenty, who’s-its and what’s-its galore!

There is no way to mince words: The Dark Knight is all about The Joker (Heath Ledger). It is impossible to take your eyes off of The Joker when he is on the screen because he so captivates the audience through fear and humor which turns the stomach.

Heath Ledger’s performance actually made me tremble and my mouth got dry because I left it open for so long. I fear Ledger’s performance will be undervalued because of the genre of this film, but make no mistake, his performance is worth an Academy Award. Even if there was no makeup on Heath Ledger’s face, he would still be the most frightening character I’ve ever seen on film. Every opportunity to chill the audience, to frighten us with body language or vocal inflection are taken by Ledger. Ledger has one hundred percent commitment to The Joker. Ledger’s posture, his demeanor, his humor and his insanity are all obscenely captivating. It took me a half of an hour to realize it was Heath Ledger at all because Heath Ledger is completely lost to The Joker.

The makeup team, run by Sue Robb-King, increase the bone chilling effect The Joker leaves on the audience by making the scars and makeup subtle enough they look realistic but redoubtable. The Joker makeup is especially freaky because it obvious the character would spend time to keep it up but messy enough to know he’s insane just by looking at him.

The Joker isn’t the only character that rocked in The Dark Knight. Batman (Christian Bale) is faced by several situations where he is presented with two choices that are both right and both wrong. The moral dilemmas don’t seem contrived or simple, a blessing in the world of super hero movies.

Other than how he talks when he has the Batman costume on, Bale embodies the essence of Batman. Christian Bale is strong, sad, and sometimes tragic in The Dark Knight. You feel such weight on Bale’s shoulders as Batman but even heavier as Bruce Wayne. It is hard to play two different egos in one character in one film and blend them as masterfully as Bale does.

Writers Christopher Nolan, David S. Goyer and Jonathan Nolan have earned favorite writers status by their work in The Dark Knight. All of the characters are dimensional and complex. The plot is intricate and intriguing.

When a movie wraps the story in a beautiful package and ties it with a perfect acting ribbon, Christopher Nolan’s direction is without flaw!

The Dark Knight is exciting, emotional and evocative but the best word to describe it would be perfection. See this in the theater, it is worth the money!

If you liked this review, please click here so I can get paid!

12:46 AM - 5 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Hellboy 2 - A serious popcorn-chomper

Hellboy 2, the sequel to Hellboy, is the coming out story of a demon, a human fish and the hottest woman in the world. Spectacular visuals save the story from its average plot and make Hellboy 2 a serious popcorn-chomper.

Read the rest of the review here!

9:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Hancock - The Most Honest Super Hero Movie I’ve Ever Seen

Hancock is Los Angeles’s drunk, low-flying sometimes hero. With all the exciting aspects of an action movie, sparkling comedy and a heartfelt plot, Hancock is the most honest super hero movie I’ve ever seen.

John Hancock (Will Smith) flies around Los Angeles, protecting innocent people from criminals and disaster, when he could be bothered or wasn’t too drunk. Ray Embrey (Jason Bateman), public relations specialist with a big heart, is one of the people Hancock has rescued from tragedy. It was a lucky connection for each, because Hancock had earned a reputation for being a drunk bastard, whose reckless rescues often seem worse than the danger and Ray can’t get his idea to save the world off the ground. Mary Embrey (Charlize Theron), Ray’s wife, hates, and Aaron Embrey (Jae Head), Ray’s son, adores Hancock. Ray, Mary, Aaron and Hancock struggle to repair Hancock’s reputation by making him a hero worth admiring.

It is no simple feat to make a character multi-dimensional, but to make him supernatural and believable is no less than applause worthy. Writers Vincent Ngo and Vince Gilligan should be credited for creating a character, Hancock, rich in complex emotions, veiled under an alcoholic veneer, which shields him from his sheer loneliness and protects him from the hate spewed on him by the public. In the beginning of movie, it is hard to like Hancock, even when he is mid-heroic act. As the movie progresses, so does Hancock. He grows, he learns and he tries. Ngo and Gilligan’s accomplishments don’t end with Hancock himself.

Hancock the character was not the only great part of Hancock. The comedy leaves the audience in high spirits, so the moments of sincere tenderness and disturbing scenes land especially hard in the laps of those watching.

I won’t be ruining it for you to tell you there is a surprise so huge in Hancock, it couldn’t fit in a fridge. The entire audience gasped and sat in stunned amazement as the plot unfolded in a way none of us saw coming. Calling it a jaw dropper would not be an exaggeration.

Will Smith is sinfully sinful as Hancock. He gives such a raw dirtiness to Hancock, but does not make him unlovable. Smith’s comedic timing was flawless. His attention to the emotional details at the end of the movie make Hancock worth the audience’s forgiveness.

Charlize Theron goes toe to toe with Smith in a thespian tug of war that ends in a tie. Her performance brought tears to my eyes and made my heart break. Theron should be locked up for how often she steals the scene in Hancock!

Jason Bateman is no slacker either. His wide-eyed, bushy-tailed enthusiasm portrayal of Ray cheers up the audience when it’s his turn on screen. Look to Bateman to make you laugh more than any other actor.

Hancock has sensational visual effects. There is no shortage of explosions, destroyed streets, and buildings falling down. In the opening scenes there is even a scene inspired by the Flintstones but done with such great visuals, there is nothing stone aged about it. I had completely suspended my disbelief, lost myself in the story and became entranced in the visuals.

Heck, even the music is good. There is a song in Hancock with all of the brass a super hero deserves but is fresh and original.

When the music, acting, writing, and visuals all come together to become one great movie, not separate things from each other, the director should take all the credit. Peter Berg’s direction in Hancock is deserving of merit and earns my acclaim.

My only complaint is the shallow villain. While his part is small and simple, it was not given the same care the other characters were and there was a missed opportunity to create another layer of depth.

I have had serious problems with typical tight wearing super heroes and their tactics. The tax payers have to clean up after them, they are never accountable to anyone once they kill and the topic of loneliness is often ignored. Hancock addresses all those points and does it in a way that leaves the audience nearly in tears, high from laughter and wanting to know more.

Hancock is heartfelt, funny, abrasive, and fantastic with eye candy that captures the audience and doesn’t let go. Don’t miss Hancock. It’s time well spent.

7:51 PM - 2 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment