A Bunch of Wordz Guest-Blog Links!
Category: Blogging

I completed my three-day stint as Guest Blogger for Edie Montgomery's A Bunch of Wordz blog. I'm not going to repost the blogs here because

--I'm an asshole--

I want you to visit her site and see all the goodness there. Here's the links to my essays on writing, publishing and promoting fiction:

    
• Part I -- Crafting the Tale
    
• Part II -- Pushin' it Outta the Nest
    
• Part III -- Struttin' Your Stuff

9:25 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Shroud Publishings ABOMINATIONS -- Preorder NAO!!!

Shroud Publishing's latest anthology, Abominations: 13 Murderous Monsters, is available for pre-order. Amongst other stories, it features my tale of mobsters and myth, "Old Stooping Lugh". Get it while you can.





Shroud is excited to announce another upcoming anthology, compiled from some of the most horrifying stories of creatures, mythical beasts, and murderous monsters. Abominations will feature expertly-crafted tales, NEVER before published, from the best voices in modern horror.



Table of Contents:

John Teehan- Whatever happened to Baby Charles?

Anna Lowther- Grace's Garden;

Eric Christ- Riding The Oak Mill Bridge;

Rhonda Parrish- Spoiled Picnic;

William Vogel-Papa Mort;

Tracie McBride-Marked;

Mark Tullius- When it Rains;

Kevin Lucia- The Water God of Clarke Street;

Brandon Berntson- Mosquito;

Jeff Parish- For the Good of the Flock;

Lee Zumpe- Worm-sacks and Dirt-backs;

Lon Prater- Starvelito;

Lincoln Crisler- Old Stooping Lugh;

Gerard Houarner- Devoured Smile;

R. Scott McCoy- Good Dog;

Dave Dunwoody- The Ambrosia Supper Club;

Richard Farnsworth- B.E.K.



Pre-orders are available now.

AMAZING cover art by Bart Willard!


Lincoln Crisler
www.lincolncrisler.com

5:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I Work Less at Work! (Plus a Shoutout to Frank the Verizon Dude!)
Category: Life

I had a three-day weekend courtesy of my government masters, and I spent it working harder that I do when I'm actually wearing the union suit. I can't really complain though; it was refreshing to handle a lot of important business that typically gets swept to the side or pushed off on my gracious wife.

First order of business was getting my daughter's phone back from her school's principal. Idiot teacher took her phone away because on Friday she was using it with the permission of her substitute teacher. Those assholes wanted $15 for the return of the phone, since school policy says students can't use phones during school. I get that, but she had permission. When I confronted the principal about her employee's responsibility in the matter, she tried to blame it on kids taking advantage of a substitute. She got really angry when I questioned her administrative abilities (after all, it's hard for kids to pull one over on a sub who's been briefed on the rules by the principal, right?) and asked me to leave. When I called the district superintendent I got a much different response. I walked right into the school office this morning and was handed the phone. Unfortunately I didn't get to see the principal herself. I wanted to laugh in her face. Bloody idjit.

After that, I took my son to the hospital for a follow-up on some bloodwork he had done; luckily everything was normal. He's back to his usual cheerful self after what my wife and I are pretty sure was an ear infection. Then I had to drop him off at the babysitter's, so as to continue the rest of my day unhindered by the constant needs of a four month-old. My daughter needed a new ID card, so I handled that, then we met my wife for lunch. Idiot Fort Bliss command won't let the German restaurant serve beer before 4PM. Assholes.

By 1PM I was finishing up the rest of my errands, taking my daughter to get some vaccinations and getting a contract notarized (for my story appearing in Blu Phi'er's Night of the Working Dead, in case you're wondering). Then it was off to the Verizon store to return a broadband card I used while I was at Yuma, AZ.After a marathon session on the phone with customer service (while standing around the local Verizon corporate office) I was able to return the broadband card and get my account credited. I do want to go on record that the Verizon broadband service saved my ASS and my sanity during my month in AZ; I was only returning it because I wouldn't have any more use for it and I didn't want the contract. I then had to call customer service again to get the contract terminated and all the fees waived; the guy who helped me, Frank, is interested in the same type of fiction I like to read and write myself. So I might have a new fan visiting the site soon. Since it always rocks to see your name in print: Thanks for saving my ass, Frank, and I hope you like my work. You RAWK!

And that brings the interesting portion of my day to a close. The rest of it will include making a meatloaf and publishing my guest blog for tomorrow's A Bunch of Wordz!

3:03 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Guest-Bloggin’ @ abunchofwordz

http://abunchofwordz.wordpress.com/2008/05/04/horrorsci-fifantasy-author-lincoln-crisler-to-guest-blog/

I'll be blogging on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday about writing, submitting and promoting, respectively. Swing through and show some love!

3:53 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Political Prophecy? I Hope So!
Category: News and Politics

Last Thursday Hillary Clinton, speaking from her office in Kentucky a few days before the Derby, told everyone to bet on the filly. The horse in question was Eight Bells, the only female horse in the race. Obvious symbolism. "Bet on the Filly"

Fast-forward to Saturday, Derby Day. Eight Belles places second (behind a horse Obama bet on, if it matters) then goes down with two broken ankles and is euthanized right there on the track. Eight Belles Euthanized.

Now, of course the loss of the horse is downright awful. But as an Obama supporter, I find the symbolism downright hillarious (pun intended).

7:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Editor Peeves

Here's another public service announcement/entertainment piece for you. Here's what really pisses me off when I'm reading slush.

    
• Getting the name of the publication wrong. I received a submission today to Our Spirits Speak. Now, if I ever do an antho of ghost stories, that'd be an excellent title, but really. You're going to work your ass off (at least, I hope you do) on a story and then botch the cover letter? I'll tell you what... I don't remember the author's name or the story's title right now, but I remember that mistake. I've gotten a few other emails like that. Bad first impression.

    
• Not even trying to write a cover letter. If the above pet peeve is a mere botch, the following is a critical failure:

            "hope you wanted this submitted with attachment

             if not i guess i'm sol.

             writer x"

    
• Not following guidelines. Like, blatantly and on purpose. I've gotten pretty fonts, stories pre-formatted as if ready for printing, stories well below word count (as in, 750-word flash's for a 3-5K stated word count) and a few other miscellaneous failures to obey. My guidelines are easy and what I like best about them is that they don't dictate how to be creative. My anthos are wide open (unless you like kiddie porn or other such dumb shit), so if my guidelines pretty much just stipulate method of delivery and word count, why hurt your chances by blowing them off? No editor I know wants to read 5K words of fiction formatted with three different fonts for headings, etc. Come to think of it, I wasn't too impressed by the guy's fiction, either. Maybe if he didn't spend so much time formatting. Nor does your typical editor have time to waste on flash fiction when he's asking to publish longer works. Think about it: sending a work, even a well-written one, to the wrong publication just means waiting unnecessarily for a rejection before sending it elsewhere. These days, a story sits in my pile for 2-4 months. Read and follow guidelines. They're there for you, too.

11:04 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Writing / Publishing Demystified
Current mood: bitchy

The debut of my collection, Despairs & Delights, and my book signing last week at Barnes & Noble have brought me a bit further into the spotlight... at least in my own corner of the auld sod. I've been fielding emails and questions from upstart writers (gosh, who am I to call someone an upstart? It seems like just yesterday...) and answering questions from customers at the bookstore and even other soldiers in my unit with dreams of publishing. I've managed to sense a pattern so far, and I won't be the first person to discuss these items, but hey, if you've found me instead of someone else, at least I was able to help. And vent.

    
• Publishers pay writers, not vice-versa. But Mr. Crisler, you say, I saw Publisher X offer to print books for $X. I have two things to say about that. If you've got your shit together, have put together a finished product, are acting as a publisher yourself and merely need a printer... there are companies that'll print your anthology, etc. without you paying any cash up front (Lulu, etc.) But explore your options. The other thing is that, if you're merely a writer who wants to get published, paying a publisher isn't how it's done. Think about it; you did work, and people get paid for work. You wrote a book, and you should get paid for it. Even if it's merely a royalty split. You don't pay for ISBNs, editing, marketing, printing, etc. The publisher takes on your work because they feel they can sell copies at a price that will pay them back for those expenses plus profit for both them and you. If you're still not convinced... pay me $500 and I'll let you reupholster my '98 Infiniti I30. If anyone asks who did it, I'll even point 'em your way. Sound fair? (Man, I fucking hope so. Restoring this car is a lot of work).

    
• If you have a choice between self-publishing and selling your work to established pubs, I'd advise you to go with the latter. I had a guy ask me today about starting up his own magazine featuring pictures he plans to take of nude women. His main goal is to get his photography out into the world. I broke down for him how much $$$ it costs to start a mag: paying writers and models, paying for an ISSN, distribution, printer and advertising. All that just to get your photography in front of people, I asked him. I told him he'd be better served by taking a photoshoot and submitting it to an existing magazine that already has established distribution, advertisers, etc. Once he has a few credits to his name he can then approach a publisher about a book of his photos. Basically an adaptation of the method most writers (from my knowledge anyhow) break into the game: submit to some mags, get your name out, write and sell a book

    
• Wanna impress an editor? Submission letters are important, but if my emails and discussions are any indication, some people are breaking into a nervous sweat over them. Here's the simplified version: Greet the editor (finding his/her name instead of 'Dear Editor' and spelling it right gain extra points), Indicate why you're writing to them, list some of your qualifications/credits, thank them for their time and close the letter. Two paragraphs, three at the most. It's worked for me every time. Your main concerns should be a) the story and b)using the formatting recommended by the publication's guidelines. It really is that easy.

9:22 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Signing Pics!

Here's pictures from my first book signing for Despairs & Delights at the East Side Barnes and Noble in El Paso! They treated me like a king and I sold a gang of books. I was a bit nervous until I got there, but it was so easy. I just sat at the table, greeted people and talked about my book.

There were a couple of funny moments; a couple of customers walked in and asked me for directions, where the dictionaries were, who the hell I was... and another guy spoke to me about the end of the world in 2013, as predicted by the Mayans, who were (no shit) aliens from the planet Venus. And I didn't. Skip. A beat.Click the links below to see my pictures:

MySpace

BotoPhucket

6:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Preach the Gospel According to Lincoln With This Handy Widget!
Category: Blogging

I 'widgetized' my blog... you can post it, if you so desire, on your blog sidebar, myspace... anything. And if you don't like mine, try it with yours, so your minions can spread the Gospel. MySpace isn't letting me post the widget in here for your viewing pleasure, but you can find it in the 'About Me' section of my profile.

Here's the wide version:http://www.widgetbox.com/widget/lincoln-crisler-despairs-delights-lcrisler

And the long version:http://www.widgetbox.com/widget/lincoln-crisler-despairs-delights

11:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Check out this event: Lincoln Crisler’s Despairs & Delights Signing!

Hosted By: Lincoln Crisler
When: Saturday Apr 26, 2008
at 4:00 PM
Where: Barnes and Noble
Viscount St.
El Paso, TX 79938
United States
Description:
Lincoln Crisler

Click Here To View Event

5:30 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment