Stuff... because I can’t think of a better subject title
Current mood: Clarified
Category: Clarified Life
Why is it that the worst things for you make you feel so good? Why do I allow my petty, jealous nature to override my cultivated logic? Why can't I be a happier, healthier, more productive individual? Why do I feel the need to destroy all that is good about myself? Why do I feel sick all the time? Why can't I be what everyone wants me to be all at once? Why do I have so many flaws? Why do I enjoy being naked in public? Why do I count my abortion and suicide attempt as the best experiences I've ever had? Why am I infatuated with Death? Why am I only happy if I'm completely wasted? Why do I have so little respect for myself and those around me? Why did I call my mom on December 24, 2006?
It's been a year and I'm can't remember what it's like to be "normal" anymore, to be stable. I've changed and i'm not sure I like the new me.
My smile is a lie. It's a lie I tell myself and others. I'm not happy, and I never will be. It's for some but not me. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm most content when I'm at my saddest.
Why is it that others see my flaws as clearly as I do yet I have little or no awareness of their short-comings? I drift through life oblivious to the imperfections of those I love, not really caring what they are, yet I am unable to garner the same acceptance from them.
I'm imperfect and deficient. I know this, they know this. I accept it, but they don't or can't. I wonder if I could take vitamins or supplements to correct this problem.
and was looking at some of the Kids in the Hall clips on YouTube. I came across this one and had to share. Puts Jesus and the Bible where they belong -- among the rest of the non-sensical classics of fiction...
Evil Medieval Art
Current mood: Atheistic
Category: Atheistic Art and Photography
Cruxified red Jesus inflicts stigmata wounds on Saint Francis. This is a very disturbing image. Why does Jesus appear to have wings and horns? He looks more devilish than saintly. That's just my untrained and uninformed opinion.
One of these days I’m gonna get myself killed...
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life
I was finally feeling 100% this morning after spending the entire weekend confined to the couch with the worst cold ever. Being the type of person who doesn't take it easy after a cold, you know, to be absolutely sure I'm better; I decided it was time for me to attempt the commute to work on my bike. If you know where I live and you know where I work this is no small feat. All uphill on Sepulveda. I made it to work in an hour. I'm amazed I didn't have a heart attack. I left at 4:4am to be sure I gave myself enough time to turn around and get my car if the hill proved too much for me. It also meant I wasn't in the sun at all. In fact, I arrived at work before the sun came up.
I'm really impressed with my own determination. I was really expecting to turn around and head back to my car defeated by the Sepulveda pass. No. I forced myself to trudge on despite the pain in my thighs and lungs.
One good thing about Sepulveda is once you make it passed the tunnel it's pretty much all downhill. I think at one point I hit 50 mph on my bike. In the dark that was a bit scary, but also better than any rollercoaster ride I've been on. It was a huge relief after the first 40 minutes of uphill hell.
Now all I have to worry about is getting home. This time the sun will be out and there will be traffic. Shit.
exhausted
bummed
ashamed
cantankerous
indescribable
discontent
hungry
amused
accomplished
giggly
