Understanding Rejection
Current mood: Centered
Category: Centered Life

The Tender Art of Extraordinary Thinking

Understanding Rejection

Lee Travathan

"It hurt so bad that I could feel it in my bones. It was a brick wall that fell on me over and over for years. Hundreds of sleepless nights, rivers of tears... I just wanted him to love me. That's all. It was killing me that he didn't."

Ellana Rue, workshop participant

"Understanding Rejection"

     Rejection is one of those powerful energies that affect millions of people everyday, yet it is one of the hardest things to talk about for most. Typically, the pain of it is stuffed under the mythical rug of our own discontent (it isn't exactly pleasant social conversation) left there in the ever-growing mound of other unresolved emotional business that we will eventually trip over. When it is not dealt with, that energy has the power to hold us back, make us weak, shy, and dim our inner light. Sadly, this is the common and accepted outcome in the ordinary world.

     I teach about this because I know the story well. I was born to two people that did not love each other and did not want or need more children. Not long after my birth, they divorced and my mother went her own way. I would not see her again till I was around ten years old and only briefly, rage swirling all around us; lots of high drama. I'd also live with her briefly much later on, only to be put out when my friends t.p.'d her house as a joke. That's all it took to push her over the edge. We were never close and she died leaving behind last words for me that I shall never give energy to. I just repeat my little phrase, "Father, forgive her, because she knew not what she did."  

     In the forefront of my mind is a memory of hiding behind a door at my grandparent's old farmhouse as a young child of maybe five or six listening to the conversation in the living room. I peeked. My father was talking with a couple about giving me away to them. He was insisting that they take "both the girls", so that my sister and I would not be broken up.

     I recall my grandmother sitting on an old divan with a hanky in hand, twisting it and untwisting it, repeating "just another mouth to feed" over and over between sighs and tears. That moment haunted me till I was forty-two years old and caused me mountains of difficulties that was like wading through semi-hardened cement. "Just another mouth to feed" billowed through my brain at times with a deafening impact to my soul. 

     My father and grandparents never knew that I heard them. In the end, my dad decided not to give me away. But it took us a very long time to work out the energy between us. My siblings and I have little or no contact, except for one. We rarely see each other or talk. He keeps the wall up and remains aloof and distant. It took nearly fifty years before he would accept a hug from me and be comfortable. He has his own issues with rejection from my father during his childhood. I have a son that keeps his walls up and will not let me in, still angry over a divorce that happened over 20 years ago, I suspect. And on and on it goes. Alas... no time to put out a book here.

     What I know about rejection is this. It hurts. No matter how you cut it, no matter how "enlightened" you are, it hurts and it hurts us all. Still, we have to look at rejection square in the face and call it out. Stuffing the energy won't help, but neither will holding on to it. Being afraid to face it won't make it go away. We can be brave. We need to be brave and forgiving. We have to see it for what it is. A lesson. An opportunity. Proof of life. Proof of emotion. A chance to exceed and overcome our smallest self.

     In the end, my mother thought she "got" me, so to speak. But, alas, she never knew that she was horribly unsuccessful. You see, the more she pushed me away, the more I loved her in secret. She was a beautiful woman, accomplished, successful in her life... and I understood her need to reject me and to leave my father. Expecting someone to do something outside of his or her belief systems is a bit insane and extremely unlikely, if not impossible, within the ordinary world. Expecting her to accept me was too much to ask. 

     I understood my dad's discomfort with me. As he said to me a few years before his death at ninety-two, "I'm sorry, Sissy. I was left with two girls to raise and I didn't know what to do with you. I didn't know how to raise girls! I just felt lost inside. Since I didn't know what to do, I didn't do too well." I just loved my dad, anyway, and felt empathy for what it must have been like for him. We never had the life together that both one of us wanted and we've had to let that be okay. We made peace with it before he passed.  

     And my son, the hardest ache to withstand, is so lost in his own anger that I doubt he will ever find his way back to me. Anger can be addictive, and he has an addictive personality. It fits for him. I just love him, and the granddaughter he has removed from my life, anyway.

     I go on his MySpace site and I look at pictures, find out what is going on in his life, and send him and my girl love. He does not respond, but I feel good that I tried. You see, my son needs this lesson to burn away his illusions. I won't stand in his way, even if it does mean losing two people that I love with all of my heart. I focus, instead, on praying that he heals from the darkness of his own thoughts. And I celebrate my life.   

     You see, rejection is a personal choice made by people dealing with their own issues. They always want you to think it is about you, since that deletes responsibility from their shoulders and fuels the dysfunction. We must be much braver than that. But we have to be honest about this.

     When you have loved someone with all that you have in you, and they still can't (won't, softened) accept you, it is not about you. You may have triggered something in them, but it is something in them. You will share the lesson with them. You may have even drawn it to you to burn away your illusions. Still, we must understand that hurting people hurt, and send love in silence and not fault them. In reality, it is the best that they can do. Some people are simply hurtful to others. Some are simply not well. Some are loving and kind. When you accept that and decide who you will people your world with, you will be choosing between a life of stress or a life of joy. Be clear about what you want and take it without apology.

     We are not victims; we are volunteers in their lesson. We do need to, as much as it hurts, honor that lesson and go on with our own lives in the spirit of celebration of each new day. We cannot give in to the ego's silly lies and madness, lest we outpicture that madness in our own lives. In my own life, each time someone has rejected me it had to do with unawareness of who I am, what I think, and what I do. In the end, when all was said and done, I realized it was the simple act of God weeding my garden for me. It was all good. In fact, it was a blessing.

     If someone you love rejects you, don't hide from the pain. Let it pass through you. Fight nothing. Once you feel clear, let it go. Respect that they need to do what they need to do. That "contract", if you will, has to be fulfilled. Try not to judge them or yourself. If you have some responsibility in the matter, own it. Deal with it the best you can. Then let it go.

     Tend to your own garden. Nurture your own soul and send them thoughts of healing without making them "wrong" for what they are doing. In other words, don't pick sides. There are no sides to pick... it is an illusion of the ego at work. It is what it is. Don't fight that. Love that. And then you fly.

6:19 AM - 5 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Make the Decision to Stop Resisting Life
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Another oldie but goodie of a flying lesson.

Taken, in part, from

Rebel Writer Three: And Then You Fly

Make the Decision to Stop Resisting Life

Lee Travathan

Extraordinary Thinking Unleashed
Category: Life

Extraordinary Thinking Unleashed

Lee Travathan 

     "The non-mathematician is seized by a mysterious shuddering when he hears of "four-dimensional" things, by a feeling not unlike that awakened by thoughts of the occult. And yet there is no more commonplace statement than that the world in which we live is a four-dimensional space-time continuum."

Albert Einstein

      Have you ever picked up a book and felt love rushing eternally from its pages straight away into our fingertips? Have you felt and touched a word on a page and sensed something inside you soar? Do you know that kind of excitement? When was the last time that you sat inside a library nuzzled into a cozy chair and just let the sights, sounds, and smell of the place get under your skin? When was the last time you let a book, or a phrase, or a word heal you? How long has it been since life flooded through your blood stream so intently that you forgot to breathe?

     These are not questions for the mind; these are matters of the heart. The time is now. The place is here. This is your moment of quiet healing in a world gone mad, literally, livid. We live in a society today that is swimming in anger, frustration, and things left unsaid. That's the regretful news.

     The delightful news is easier to stomach. The honestly good news can give you a new, whole (meaning to make whole), perspective of your life.

     Life isn't an either/or proposition. You can still live in this place intended to be our own private paradise and be nearly unaffected by its' darkness while being inspired by its' light.

     I call this action sacred flying. Once you commit yourself to acting on what you know already deep in your heart, you can learn to fly and soar high above all the anger and frustration, while living in a state of acceptance and self-ownership, a state of grace. You can own the life you were gifted in a way that you, perhaps, never have before. You can get to know your true Great Self.  

                Taken in part from Rebel Writer Three:

And Then You Fly.

Thanks to all that visit here.

6:54 PM - 5 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

In the end, love really is all there is.
Category: Life

Just a quick diddy of a flying lesson.

I got a note from one of my kids today. My darlin' is going through a firestorm just now. He asked for a lil bit of help and I sent off the following letter to him. Later I realized it might help others that sent me notes after a most recent blog in which I spoke of a rather sad situation in my life only to learn that there are literally hundreds of folks dealing with the same issues today and wondering what to do about it. They want to come from love but they are sick and tired... weary like me... of getting beat to the pulp for the sake of someone's folly. Well, no one ever said that life in the ordinary world of thought would be easy, ey? 

I speak my truth here and only that. I don't see myself as a spiritual leader or a teacher, as some tag me to be. I am only a writer sharing my life and thoughts about it. What I say is what is real for me and it need not be for anyone else, but I never expected that to be the problem it has been.

If the little diddy below helps you then I'm glad. If not, just let it lay. For my son, I wrap him in love and light and realize that his tender heart hurts and I just want to wrap my arms around him. My boy is much like me... he just wishes everyone would let love flow. Not everyone can do that. So we learn to choose our friends more carefully. We seek out the folks that "get" us and hold no angst about it. We leave the battleground.

So, to all out there today that just need a shoulder to cry on and an end to the maddness of the ordinary world, here is a shoulder for you. Mine are strong and use them as you please. We've all been to the same place and all feel the same pain, but no one has to stay there. We can all fly.

We are back to hate the "sin" and love the "sinner" are we not? In the end, love really is all there is.

Love you all,

Lee  

Hey there, darlin'. You seem to be going through some of the same things that many of us are and you are trying to figure it all out just as we have. I also think you are attempting to do the same thing at the deepest level... to stay in love as the base of your being even in the midst of wild energy. That speaks highly of who you are inside.

Here is what I've learned, so if it helps use it and if not just pitch it out of your mind. I've found that the biggest issues I've had in my life with folks getting upset with me always involves people being overtaken by unchecked emotion and becoming reactionary as opposed to taking over their emotions and managing them well. Letting emotion control you will always be a sure way to bring pain into your life and the lives of others. It lacks balance. Sadly, for most people, this is the way life is done. So chaos becomes common, expected, and realized. It has created a society of victims and that mentality runs rapid. Folks are always at each other.

Then there is always the issue of what your stuff is and what is theirs. I find that most people are nearly completely unconscious of their responsibility in an emotional situation. 99.9% of the time they want to blame someone else. One of the hardest things for a human to do is to admit when they've messed up and own that without judging themselves or others. We forget that life is a classroom.

If you happen to be on the other end of a conflict, there is one thing to ask yourself: Did I actually create this conflict? In most cases, if you are completely honest, you will either find that you did have a hand in it or you did not. And here is the catch. Anytime anyone reacts to you with disregard or angst, it is their stuff. When you do it, it is your stuff. Why, you may ask. The answer is simple. No human being on the earth can do anything but act from their own filters, conceptions, agendas, and past experiences. No one. We are all wired the same that way. What this means is that none of us are victims. We are all volunteers. We all have the power of choice as to how we live, love, and apply love.

So, the simple answer is this. You may have triggered, even unconsciously, a reactionary button in someone(s) and they responded to that with their own agenda that is not about you. It goes the other way, too. Still, you are never responsible for the actions or responses of another. They are not responsible for yours. Anytime anyone is steeped in emotions the results will not be so good because there always has to be a victim and an attacker in that situation, so peace is not easy to achieve. In a sense, you could say that all involved become sort of hypnotized and delusional. It gets hard to reach the core of the issue.

I've become very in-focused over the past few years and have let go of the folks that tend to invite trouble and are unable to face themselves at the core and be real. I got weary of always being accused of things I did not do or being attacked on things I did do that were harmless. I learned that there are some folks that want to fight and that I am not one of them. I now have a lot less folks that I am really close to in my life, but the ones that are there are seriously present and accounted for. They "get" me and have no hidden agendas to come up and bite me in the butacos all of the sudden. They are willing to look in the mirror and see the truth of themselves and of me and find it all good.

I look at it this way: Conflict will always visit your life but you are not bound to it. You do not have to open the door to that solicitor. You can still come from love but stop allowing folks to drain you of the precious right to happiness, comfort, and peace that lives in you naturally. When I meet someone that starts to dog me out and drain me, I immediately bless them on their way and leave them to their own devices. No one gets the right to drain me of joy anymore. It may be a bit hard and fast as a rule, but toxins kill. Stress kills. Depression weakens and may kill. I just don't play the game anymore. Out they go. I still love them, but my door is closed to them.

Hugs and love,

Mommers xoxoxo   

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9:43 AM - 15 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Changes
Current mood: drained
Category: MySpace

Hey there everyone. I hope all are having a good day. Just a quick note here.

As a lot of you know, we've been in the process of making changes over here for about 3 weeks now little by little as I can get here. One thing I told many of you I'd be doing as soon as I could get to it had to do with clearing things off my site that I feel have had their appropriate day and don't need to be here anymore. My life is very busy. To save myself a lot of trouble, I will be de-personalizing it a bit. Too many unwell folks out there and I don't have the time, desire, or energy to deal with them. I've got better things to do that can add a positive impact to the world.

The site was set up to be a positive place. However, we do get our extreme attacks over here that just stun us and that must be stopped for the sake of all. It does no one any good. It just does not fit the intended energy here either. MySpace is a rough gig for many high profile individuals that get targeted and I think we all just try to roll with it, but it does get way out of control at times for those folks. Slander has become commonplace. Thousands have left due to junk here. I'm aware of about 200 sites that have had their fair share of complications that were completely undeserved. I'm no different. Sometimes you encounter folks that want to make your life miserable and will do just about anything to make that happen.

So, just know that anyone that tries to cause trouble here is immediately deleted and blocked from my site, no questions asked anymore. We used to try and work it out... find out what is bugging them. It does not work. So the above action is the best for all concerned. Hateful emails will go directly to MySpace from now on, so all are given fair warning. If you do read trash about me and you need to let me know, you can call me at 480-636-1461 and we will take care of it immediately. We learned a hard MySpace lesson, but we got it and now know how to deal with attacks in the future. I've been kind of an open book here and a few folks have taken extreme advantage of that.  

I think I've clarified all I need to since the beginning of my site presence here and just don't want to deal with a lot of rubbish anymore. It can drain you. It has been stated on my profile for nearly two years that dark energies will not be allowed here. A few have refused to honor that.

I'm about love. Not everyone here is. I'm deleting anything that I feel is completed or non-productive. I have also removed my previous blog as I feel completely done with all the muck and I feel clear.  That is all anyone wanted… for the madness and lies to end. They may never end… but for me, it has no more energy in my day. All I care about is everyone healing and the negative energy gone out of my life. As everyone here knows… some people like to fight. As I have always said, I'm not one of them.

And so I repeat: As Gandhi so well said it, "Hate the sin, love the sinner". That is where I've been on this issue from the moment it started and where I am now. I do sooooooo "hate the sin"... the lies... but nothing in this entire world could get me to hate the "sinner". That is not me.

Take good care,....

Lee xxx

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PS - To get more flying lessons, articles, and personal info not posted at MySpace, just send an email to leetravathan@cox.net with the word "subscribe" in the subject box. Don't worry... we don't share your email address.

Hugs, Lee ;-)

3:07 PM - 22 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

Site changes and an invite
Current mood: sleepy as sleepy can be
Category: sleepy as sleepy can be MySpace

Hi there to all,

     We had a few updates to the post below so I thought we'd better get them up before I get too busy to do it. As some of you know, we've been here at MySpace about 2 years now and it goes well. As time has moved on readers have come and gone as on any other site and the mode has shifted a bit. Over 300 of the same readers are here now that started with me. New ones like some things and don't like others. Sometimes that means the site has to shift a bit. The truth is... everyone is busy these days so we are once again making changes to accommodate as many as possible.

     Be sure you go in to read your favorite blogs as some will be leaving MySpace to go into one of the new books. Many of the pictures will be leaving to keep things simple. Some folks have actually been offended my my personal photos... go figure. They felt I was "showing off" and I felt that I was sharing with my friends. Oh well... such is life. So down they go as soon as we can get to it. I've learned some hard lessons here and some great lessons. In essence, I've gained from all of them.

     We plan to be here long-term and I hope you do, too. Basically, as the site changes happen our hope is that we will get less folks upset with the way I live my life since the site will be a bit less personal and focus mostly on the writing.

     Lots of folks are sending me emails to subscribe to my personal newsletter for inspiration, blogs you can't get here, and more... lots more, and that seems to be the place to put the "personal" moi. lol. You can subscribe by sending me an email at leetravathan@cox.net and just put "subscribe" in the subject box.

     The new blog book will have all of your favs in it and will be at Amazon and in stores along with the newest rebel writer books.

     If you have not put your two cents in about the flying lessons (check the blog here), there is time and you just might end up in one of the new books.  

     I'm sorry that I've been soooooo busy. We are making headway. Thanks for all that have been patiently awaiting more flying lessons. They are on their way.

Hugs to all, Moi xoxoxoxoxoxoxo 

     It is about 1:30 AM here in Arizona and we just got some nice touches on the new photography site at MySpace. We will keep working on it, but it is ready for guests and friends. Come on by and add on, if you'd like, as we will be removing a lot of images from this site. From now on, few will end up here to help those with dial up load the page easier at this site.

I'll be adding new professional images often, so if you want to check them out, you'll need to be added on there. The address is www.myspace.com/travathanphotography so I hope to see you there. We will keep making it better all the time. 

We will be removing the videos, for the most part, to go to a film site here. Again, efficiency. I'll let you know when that site is ready. We will leave a tad bit here, but not much.

I also signed with Amazon today to publish my new books - WHEW - months of decisions to prevent further problems from pirates. They will be doing some DVDs and CDs, too. My previous publisher just could not secure my deal. Had to get more control over my work and Amazon was happy to offer that.

We will also be publishing a line of journals with flying lesson quotes through another group.  

I hope you will go by www.zazzle.com/leetravathan and enjoy our new gifts and inspiration merchandise shop to help fund my work in Valley Fever awareness. We add stuff there all the time. I don't manage it, but I oversee every product and I do visit the store.

For you ladies like me over 50, I made a special "Lee Tee" for you. Yep, you rock!!! More to come. Come on by and have a grin and giggle.

A private rep program is being designed by my team right now, too, to help folks earn extra money from home. With gas prices going through the roof, I hope it helps out. Zazzle is owned by Bono and is centered on strong ethics.

Ta Ta for now,

gotsta go rest and relax so sweet dreams to all,

Lee xxx

Aka Mz. Love-lee 

xoxooxxoxoxoxooxoxoxo

9:28 AM - 9 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Could we get your feelings/thoughts on Lee’s Flying Lessons?
Current mood: Great-full
Category: Great-full Life

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11:40 PM - 9 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

A note from Mac - if you like...

Body:

Hi all, If you enjoy Lee's flying lessons, maybe you could let me know about that. We still need more input so we've brought this blog up one more time. We are pulling together loose ends here on books and movies and would like to get some testimonials from Lee's readers about how the writings have either helped you in some way or mean something to you. If you could email your thoughts to me here, I'd appreciate it. You also need to give us written permission to use your words in print. We are getting ready to do a lot of work on Lee's main site here, as folks are complaining that it is "too busy" for them and loads too slow. Most have no problems, but those with older computers or dial up do. I'll be breaking it down to this site for her written work, another for films, and another for photography. She already has a music site and we will be working on it, too. Finding our balance here, blessings to all, Mac Man

Sunday, June 08, 2008

A must read... It had to happen at some point... Current mood: bummed It had to happen at some point… MySpace friendships and moi Hello to all my lovely friends here,      I've gotten a good bit of mail from folks upset that I have not been here a lot lately, that I have not been to their sites, and that I seem not to care about them, that I "ignore" them. Some are deleting me. Some are very angry and writing unpleasant words. Some are worried about me. I thought I'd better sort of clue you all in while I do have a few minutes so these folks can settle down.      The past few months have been unbelievably busy as I try to catch up from losing about a year of work due to the Valley Fever disease. I don't know if that has ever happened to you, but if so, you know what a major drain it is on your entire life. Your career is at effect. You lose clients. If they can't get your help they go elsewhere. People can't wait for their healing and inspiration. They need it now. Your financial life does a belly flop and you go through money like there is no tomorrow. All the things you were heavily involved with personally – for me it was trying to complete the new home I built with Mac, getting landscape in, getting my new books out – it all goes on hold. Every bit of your focus goes on just keeping yourself alive. Healing must be the most important aspect of all.      Once you do get back on your feet and the docs okay you to move and groove life hits you smack dab in the face. You survived! Now what? All that stuff you could not do has to be looked at, re-organized, re-negotiated (if possible), re-worked, and you start all over. You are not as strong as you used to be. But you dig in anyway. You just don't take such big bites. You learn to eat life a bit slower.      I've been back to work since early November of last year. Tons of things have gotten handled. I still have a film to complete, (almost there) another to do, 4 books to re-work and get out the door, I have re-opened an avenue of art… photography… that I closed long ago as a young woman so I now have greeting cards, photo prints, framed prints, etc to manage in an online store that is suddenly branching out to the real world called the art galleries as folks find me and see my work. This is all thanks to beautiful and inspirational friends String and Linda, both amazing artists. Linda made sure I got that camera back in my hands. You can see some of the results on my site now. Just scroll around… you'll find them.      In the past few days I worked out a deal to do photo books with text, calendars, DVD sales (yep, there will be some flying lessons, too), new books, celebrity interviews around extraordinary thinking, and I am now getting offers each day for something or another related to writing, speaking, photography, and film from across the globe.      As new doors open I get very picky. I've always had a kind of "get 'er done" motion in life and have lovingly been called the Energizer Bunny. I still remember my ex making fun of how fast I move… like a humming bird… when I am on a mission and like a house on fire when I am deeply focused. "Watch out boys, she's coming through!" Yep, I heard that a lot. Today, Mac lets me speed through the house and just moves aside with a chuckle. And I no longer do projects that I don't want to do.      I do try my best to get here every chance I can and I do subscribe to over 600 blogs… yes, I read them, but I can't comment on all of them. I also can't get personal comments out to all the folks on my friends list – 3,662, the last time I checked – as the site grows quickly by the day. There is just no way to keep up. An income has to be earned. I answer as many emails as time allows and try to put out bulletins when I can. And I do my best to get flying lessons up as often as possible.      You see, the thing is this. There is something you need to know about how I work as a personality. Folks that I hold dear, I hold dear in my heart and mind. It has nothing to do with what happens outside those spaces. If I don't get to your site to send an email or a comment, it does not mean that I don't care about you. Try not to read into it. If you demand that I do so, I may have to disappoint you just because I really can't be superwoman. I promised Mac I'd give that up. What I am able to do now, I can only do because Mac helps me out and is home full time and can travel with me, as well as keep things in good sync. Frankly, if he was not cooking food for me and reminding me to eat, I'd probably forget all together. He keeps my whole life in order so I don't have to juggle the balls in the air anymore. He is also working in his studio when I am writing if the phone is not off the ringer with activity.      I'm that person that you may not talk to in months and when you do it is like no time elapsed. So, you see… me caring about you is not about how often I get to your site, how much I write to you, or how often I comment on your blogs. So many of you are in my heart… always held close, so please relax and know that. My absence does not mean a lack of concern; it means, instead, limits on my time.      Mac and I have a very big life that takes a lot of management. I hope those unhappy with me will understand that we do our best here at MySpace and on other sites I have, but I just need to honor my time, too. If you don't hear from me it does not mean I have forgotten you, I'm ignoring you, or I don't care. Try to see yourself in my heart. Blessings to all, Lee xxx      5:41 PM - 33 Comments - 64 Kudos - Add Comment

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

My new film you can watch for free on my site - details- update Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities Update - The larger version has now been cleared by Google. I'll try to give you the link here and if it does not take, just copy and paste to your browser. Thanks for all the great email. Be sure you add Kathleen if you have not already.   http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=Lee+Travathan&sitesearch=q=Lee%20Travathan&sitesearch=&so=1   You can also go on google and just put in "Lee Travathan". Shorter films are listed at www.youtube.com/leetravathan .   Thanks again, Lee     Hello to all my lovely friends here, Thanks so much for stopping by. I deeply appreciate it. And thanks for all the email about the new pics and site changes. I'm glad you are liking it all.   I'm just here today to let you know that one of my newest films is now posted on my profile page. It is right under my self-portrait on the left hand side. This is an uscripted piece, about 55 minutes long but worth the time, and offers you a sort of fly on the wall experience with Kathleen Procter-Moore and my Mac. It is filled with all sorts of goodies you would not expect.   Mac was supposed to interview Kathleen, but as it ended up, she turned the tables on him. What came out of it was great. You'll even get to hear and see Mac talking about how we got together about 44 minutes in... silly rocker boyz... lol. I hope you all have a great time with it and share it with your friends. At the end of the film, One True Media will offer you a code.    The next film is one of me talking to Kathleen about life and love, and all the things we each experience in our daily lives. You get to know a very deep and abiding side of this wonderful lady and talented artist in a way you could not otherwise. It is in final edits now and we will let you know when it is ready to be viewed. Be sure to go to Kathleen's page on my top 40 and add her to your friends list. I know she'd appreciate that and you'll enjoy her as we have.     Take care and enjoy! Blessings, Lee xxx    PS - Can anyone tell me how to put a link and/or code in a blog. Sorry, computer savvy, I am not. I know it is easy. Is it done in Blog Safe Mode? Thanks ahead of time. :)  12:25 PM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Ah, Yes... Once I Was... or... Who is that lady in the mirror? Category: Life I've updated this with the comments added. Many of them are very insightful and well done. I thought they may be of assistance to someone reading the blogs. You never know what will inspire, inform, or provoke deeper thought. Hugs to all, Lee xxx   Ah, Yes… Once I Was Young and Beautiful Or Yikes! Who is that lady in the mirror? A tender little story about age, beauty, and illusions. All text by Lee Travathan, The Rebel Writer Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.      People that read me often know that I am a pull no punches, lay it on the line, and be-prepared-if-the-flood-gates-open kind of writer. However, those same folks tend to know that my entire agenda in life is about love. If they don't know that they don't know me at all. They've made up something in their heads out of their own stuff that is not real and I won't buy into it. Nothing personal, but if you've got a load of angry baggage you've been lugging around, leave it at the mental door outside my space and don't bring it into my house… mental, emotional, or otherwise. Unpack it elsewhere. Once you've sorted it, I'm ready to chat.      I love. That's what I do. You may not like the way I do it but you can't adjust me like a television, so as my hubby says… better give it up while you're ahead. True positive rebels learn early that you must risk those high swirling waters to be true to yourself. If not, you are not worth your salt. You can't help anyone else if you don't lay yourself wide open as a writer. Besides, how are you going to face that writer in the mirror each day without tucking your tail between your legs? Do you want to feel that bad about only giving what was safe? I don't.      Today I'm on a bit of a rant, I suppose… and we all know how that goes. Not to worry. It is a good rant and we may all be a bit wiser for it. I mean, after all, rebel writing is about putting a piece of your soul out there in the trust that someone else gains something good from that. Anything else is not you; after all… just a watered down "socially acceptable" version of you and you'd better keep your day job.      This little harangue has been crashing inside of me for months now, spurred on by several conversations I've had with other ladies of high profile finding it harder to get in the door and a couple of men that built their careers on their dramatic good looks. As we all face another chapter in our lives called the 50's, we are forced to be powerfully honest with ourselves. In doing so, we find many other people experiencing scores of the same feelings and thoughts that we are having.      The thing is… nobody is really willing to talk about it. In fact, most are flat out dishonest with themselves and others about what is going on inside their hearts. Some whisper in secret, some lie about their age, and some are simply embarrassed to stand up and say, "I'm getting older… losing my looks… and I'm mad as hell about it. It hurts and I am scared! I miss the old me." Most are attempting to age… cough, cough… gracefully. It is not working.      The fear of being called a narcissist is strong. I have huge buttons on how our society overplays that word, applying it to anyone that is just happy to be attractive. And to make it absolutely abusive, very few people understand that the person they face in the mirror is beautiful, wonderful, powerful, genius, outrageous, thrilling, radiant, and stunning.      And the flood gates open. I'm on. I am going to spill over about it.      Why don't people understand how amazing they are? It is because we live in a judgmental and unsophisticated social structure and dead outer-focused spiritual system. Sadly, we have young girls having their faces done over at 18 because they believe they are not "pretty enough". Many ladies my age, 53, have been tucked, sucked, and implanted in order to fit into their selected social circles. The media is dancing on our heads and most people are so numbed-out and dumbed-down, socially hypnotized, that they don't even notice. The hidden message is this: If I look better than most, if I am beautiful, I am accepted. If I am not these things, I'll be thrown aside for a younger model. Sadder still – this is probably going to end up being factual. That is how asleep at the wheel of life we are as a civilization.      But there is another side of beauty.      I've worked with exceptionally beautiful women and men in therapy for years that came into my office or picked up a phone to lick their open wounds. Frankly, few people would believe how hard life is for these folks. They are the ones that sit at home on Saturday night alone. People talk behind their backs. They deal with an amazing amount of jealousy when they just want to love and be loved. In the work place they are often abused by fellow workers. Hollywood is a mad and raging grizzly bear hungry for meat. They are often the meat placed on the hook. And the list goes on. Worst of all is what happens to them in their own family structure. It is often a sad deal. Imagine jealousy as a creature high on speed coming full force toward you like a Mack truck with no brakes at 100 miles per hour.      In my younger years I knew I was good looking. I'd been the ugly duckling at 12, towering over the boys, which turned into the swan at 16. The long legs that went forever were unexpectedly an asset. The awkward face that had only been called "interesting and different" was all of a sudden seen as exotic. At first I was bowled over and resisted facing it. I finally accepted it with the help of my first love, Randy, who made sure that I never forgot it. He made me stand up straight, dress to the nines, and let it be okay to be sexy. He made it all fun. As I got older I learned to have fun with it all the time. I've never believed that I was better looking than anyone else, but others did, and there was a price to pay for that. And, man, did I ever pay it! I still do today.      If I had to count the number of friends I've lost over jealousy on hands and toes I'd need 20 people lined up side by side. If I had to be honest about the number of men whose faces I would have liked to have slapped and the ones I left sitting in a restaurant that did not know I left, you'd be horrified. And if you knew the buckets full of nasty remarks I've gotten from people I did not even know, you'd be spitting nails.      If you saw some of the emails I get today over the very innocent videos Mac and I post on the net, you'd gasp! I've been pushed, shoved, spat at, and once a female clerk in a department store refused to wait on me. When I asked for the manager, he told the lady to say why she would not help me. All she could say was that she hated me. I'd never met her before, so I found this odd. I've been hated, lied about, and have had nasty tricks played on me that all came out of spite. I've had my life threatened.      I've been chided for dating men younger than me but mentally and spiritually my equal, as if it was wrong. I've had my car keyed in the middle of Beverly Hills while at a light because I would not open my door to a strange man on the sidewalk. "You pretty girls are mean!" he yelled. Okay, so being pretty has not always been cheap. That new paint job was not covered. I've been made fun of, screamed at, slandered, and treated with extreme cruelty for no good reason at all just because I was pretty… according to the world's view of beauty.      On the other hand, I've gotten in doors others could not enter and gotten contracts others could not get. I've been pushed to the head of the line at posh Hollywood clubs with just a smile. I've had my pick of men I wanted and never had to wonder if a door would be opened for me if my hands were full. If I dropped something in a coffee shop or airport, I knew I'd never have to pick it up. Before I could try, it would be done by some sweet guy. Service with a smile. And usually a phone number.      I once had a shoebox full of phone numbers written on napkins, the back of business cards, torn pieces of paper, etc… because I would not give out my phone number. I've watched men fight over me and sought the comfort of dear guy buddies that did not care how I looked and would just cuddle me in tight without expectations, letting me decide what I wanted or did not want. Many times I slept in the arms of a dear guy friend and actually slept all night! I've been the arm candy for high profile men and the "dream girl" for more than a few rockers. YIKES! Enough!!! Is this stuff really important? Good grief. Of course not! But guess what. To some folks, it is extremely important. Sad, right? Yep. Very sad. Hmmm… do you think that our society maybe has its priorities out of order?      One of the saddest things I've ever heard was said by someone I love so deeply that I'd die for her. The words ring in my ears still today. "I am so glad that I am not beautiful or really smart like you". It is just too hard of a road to walk. When I look at this person today, I see nothing but genius and magnificent beauty. When she looks at my past or present, she seems a stream of prices I've paid for both and it ain't pretty, Darlin's.      So, having lived though all of this, I feel like I've paid my dues. Still, as the years slide away, I notice that I, like many of my clients and warm hearted friends, miss being young and beautiful, as I once was. It does hurt and in our society we are not suppose to say anything like that. But if you lost your arm or leg… you'd miss it. If you lost your eyesight, you'd miss it. And so on.      Why is our society so hard on people that do lose their "looks" and why are we supposed to pretend that it does not upset us? Why is beauty so prized that we insanely believe that if someone is not perfect like the guys on GQ covers or the 15 year olds made to look 25 on the covers of Vogue and Cosmo, they are not beautiful? Why do we see them being shunned? And how in the world does a beautiful woman get the name "dog"? She is seen by the eyes of a man stuck in his oversized ego. I pray no woman ever takes that guy seriously. I think if a man ever calls me an old hag, I'll forgive him, kiss his cheek, and whisper in his ear… "Too bad about your penis". I mean, fair is fair, right? LOL. Blank that from your mind if it was too real for you. Part of me is kidding. Part is not. Tough love.        I say our lack of grace is because we do not understand beauty. We are all beautiful and those of us that are strong enough, confident enough, to accept it will feel a loss when it starts to shift and begins to slip away from us. It does not matter if we are male or female. It is going to hurt when we watch that mirror image disappoint. We got attached to the old physical self.      I don't think hiding from that pain is a wise way to go. I think, instead, letting it hurt and learning from that pain without judging it will pull us through to the next stage in our lives. Remembering that the most important part of who and what we are is pure spirit that can't be anything but beautiful will help us overcome the loss. But it is a loss. That is what is real.      A dear friend of mine that has known me since the early 80's often looks at my pictures on MySpace as a way to keep up with me. I have not seen him since late 2006 but we talk a lot. He teases me about both of us getting older, and like my Mac, has decided to see me at my prime still today. It is a conscious choice. In their minds, I never grow old. Now what could be more beautiful than that? I guess that does prove that beauty is in the eyes (or mind) of the beholder.      The grand illusion is that some are beautiful and some are not. Scientist can explain that. It is actually that we are wired to see things this way, but at what cost? Can we see beyond our own wheels? We can. We can look into the soul beyond the face. As we do so, a different part of our brains is used. We see from the eyes of pure love. We can know that all people are extremely beautiful at the moment of creation. That, we can honor.        But, okay… I did get a little spoiled so I am clicking that clock backward with healthy living, eating, thoughts, prayers, meditations, affirmations, and I am seeing years fall off. I've almost made it back to where I was a year ago before I became very ill and had my body to rebuild. Then I was 52 but was tagged at 32, typically. I still had to show my driver's license to prove my age. Those are the blonde hair days in the photos here.      I did like having those doors opened for me and I do so love adorable and beautiful men that are sweet and priceless in nature. I still have a lot of guy buddies that make me giggle and feel warm inside. As long as I look but don't touch, Mac's happy about that. Okay, I do kiss those sweeties n