08:48 PM - Laws of Conformity
Current mood: pensive

Laws of Conformity

Why do I

Sitting here silently

Suddenly feel different?

A change of state

As if the world

Paused it's revoltion

For a split second

And no one noticed the slight discrepancy

But me.

Why does it feel

As if I don't belong

As if they're all the same

And I'm a stranger

Alien to their selfish ways,

Misplaced and misunderstood.

Why is it

That everything they speak of

Sounds like jibberish.

Nonsensical, rhythmless,

Monotonous jibberish.

It's all the same, over and over,

Like a CD stuck.

Same phrase, same song,

Again and again.

And it makes no fucking sense to me.

Why is it

That I hate them

And everything they stand for.

That I want to

Stand out

Scream above the crowd's dull roar

Be noticed by every eye

And recognized as an individual.

I am not like them.

Why is it

That in spite of it all

I want to be just like them;

Conform to the beast

That constantly pushes me

To fit in and be cool and be liked.

Why is it

That I suddenly wish

That I liked clubbing

And staying out all night

And getting high and wasted

And passing out in a stranger's home.

That I wasn't afraid of needles

So I can get a tattoo

And pierce my belly button

An mar my body

With scars of conformity.

Why is it

That I want huge Gucci sunglasses

To hide my face and my true colors

 Behind a shield of fake happiness

And a façade of congeniality.

Why must I have

An Armani belt around my waist

Sucking in the imperfections

Concealing what the expensive clothes can't.

Why accessorize

With a Prada handbag

In which to fit my weapons

Of jealousy and manipulation?

Why is it necessary

For a Louie Vuitton wallet

To give off the false impression

That everything used to finance it

Is only a small percentage of what's inside.

And why flaunt

Abercrombie Jeans

Frayed and bleached and stoned and washed

Custom made to conceal

The abuse I put them through myself.

To wear with the customized Converses

I copied from a magazine

So I can pretend that I have personality

Even though it was dictated

By the cookie cutter lifestyle

We watch everyday

On Laguna Beach and the OC.

Why color my body

With expensive things

That I don't own

Even if

I don't like any of it.

Why is it

That I crave

The attention

The drama

The little stupid game

Why run around like a headless chicken

Unsure of what it wants or where it's going

Always asking for others' opinions

And their words of fake wisdom

Even after I've settled down

And found what makes me happy?

Why do I want to be important

By society's definition?

Why can't I be happy

Just being cool by myself

Doing the things I like to do

Wearing the clothes I can afford

Being the person I like to be.

Simple or complicted

But always unique.

Why?

Following the rules is hard

But breaking them is even harder.

Especially when everyone is watching

Waiting patiently

For you to

Fuck it all up.

So they can laugh and say

They told you so.

Stop pulling me and pushing me

Stop telling me which way is right.

I will go the road less traveled.

I will be me.

And nothing else.

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05:25 PM - Why Are You Here?
Current mood: smiling :D
Category: smiling :D Writing and Poetry

Why Are You Here?

Why are you here?

When no one was allowed.

Looking into my eyes

Warm fingertips on my cheek

Caressing away insecurities

Casually telling me everything

I've ever wanted to hear

And meaning it.

All. Of. It.

Why are you here?

Nobody's supposed to be here

Testing my willpower

Pushing all my limits

Extending all my boundaries

Into the boundless sky.

Erasing impossibilities

Making every far-fetched dream

A tangible reality

I. You. We.

Can grasp

And possibly never let go of.

Possibly.

Why are you here?

Making it so difficult

For me to run away

Turn my face

Hide my feelings

You know they're there.

You know everything.

So why don't you know

That I need this time

Away from love.

Away from myself and my

Stubborn habits

Irrational fears

Notorious incongruencies

To just be. Me.

And. Nothing. Else.

Why are you here?

Holding my hand

Leading me places

I never wanted to go

Until now.

Embarking upon adventures

I never imagined to take

Until now.

Making me do those crazy things.

I never thought I'd do

Until now.

Why are you here?

Kissing me

Touching me

Pulling me.

Pushing me.

Holding me.

Making me

Think. Wonder. Contemplate

Past. Present. Future.

Life. Love. Liberty.

And everything in between.

Making me

Shiver. Shudder.

Laugh. Cry.

Hope

Again.

Why are you here?

So Different. Kind. Stubborn. Relentless.

Appreciative of everything

I have to offer

And never once

Even pretending

To take me for granted.

Holding me

With an invisible finger

So that even you don't know

What you do to me.

Why are you here?

Sweeping me off my feet

Time and time again?

I didn't ask to be

Charmed. Flattered. Captivated.

Captured and taken prisoner

To your

Appeal. Allure. Charisma. Magnetism.

Utter Fascination.

It compels me again and again.

I have to see you.

One. More. Time.

Why are you here?

Making me fall

Head over heels

In like with you

As if I was twelve

And you were the first boy

To ever batt an eyelash my way.

Stupid Butterflies. Stupid Excitement.

And that freaking hope.

Nothing can come of this.

Or can it?

Realizations. Opening doors. Potential. Promise. Hope.

Possibilities.

Maybe that's why you're here.

Just...Maybe.

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09:06 PM - i am a girl
Category: Writing and Poetry

 i am a girl

Hi.

my name is me.

i'm just a girl;

It's plain to see.

I'm just a girl,

a teenage girl;

lost and confused

in this big world.

i am a girl

who loves to dance,

who loves to jump,

who loves to prance.

who loves to turn,

turn round and round,

expressing all

without a sound.

 i am a girl

who loves to sing

of pretty colors

and bees that sting.

of flags that billow,

sunshine and rain;

of joy and sadness,

laughter and pain.

i am a girl

who lives a life.

one full of anger,

of hurt and strife.

of trials and errors,

and adventures galore;

of spontaneous surprises,

and much, much more.

i am a girl

who has a brain.

a brain that works

through all things vague.

it thinks and thinks

those troubled thoughts;

analyzing the details,

untying the knots.

i am a girl

who owns a heart.

with a fragile barrier

that tears apart.

a heart that breaks,

a heart that feels,

a heart that knows

when love is real.

i am a girl

who simplifies;

who complicates;

who truly tries.

who tries her best

to do these things;

to thin and love,

to dance and sing.

i am a girl

who is confused.

whose every action

lights up a fuse.

a fuse that blows,

and lights with fire;

whose devastation

just won't retire.

whose brain goes nuts

in every which way;

who never knows

just what to say.

who never knows

just what to do.

who's always lost;

who is confused.

i am a girl

who is controlled

by the emotions

deep in her soul.

a girl who cries

black tears of sorrow;

who knows not if

there will be a tomorrow.

i am a girl

whose eyes are blind;

for they strive to see,

but they can't find:

the inspiration to live,

the joy to play,

the strength to keep going on

day after day.

for any other man knows,

no matter what it will cost him,

he must play this game

that everyone gets lost in.

sooner or later,

it pulls us all in.

but I am a girl

who simply can't win.

because I am a girl

overcome by her fears;

hiding in shadows;

engulfed by her tears.

surrounded in chaos;

constructed of pain;

overwhelmed with the stressors

that drive her insane.

i am a girl

full of ambition,

dedication, creativity,

and indecision.

i am a girl

not deaf nor blind,

who understands,

who takes her time.

who lives in daydreams

and fantasies;

who has a body,

but no personality.

yes, I have a soul,

and I have a heart.

they carry emotions

that were torn apart.

my broken self,

it needs a mend.

i need kind words

from a true friend.

a friend that knows,

a friend that cares,

a friend whose qualities

they will share.

i am a girl

who has to hide;

who has no confidence,

and lacks her pride.

living a secret,

a life of regrets;

of rampage and chaos,

of scary darkness.

of dim hiding places,

mysterious lies;

i live in the shadows

where happiness dies.

where smiling and laughing

are a daily disguise.

where death roams round freely,

unleashing demise.

where demons destroy,

and angels are depraved;

where taunting and torture

are marked on my grave.

i am a girl

who is very lost.

whose hands are tied;

whose vision is crossed.

whose real self

is deep inside,

but won't come out,

for she has to hide.

who's as hard to find

as a string in pitch black;

as a tiny needle

buried in a haystack.

i am a girl

who strives to win.

who is an outsider,

longingly looking in.

who gives too much,

and cares for too many;

who takes too little,

and thinks it plenty.

i am a girl

who says why me?

who lives about hearts

wringing with jealousy.

see, I get jealous myself,

especially this one time;

of this girl who got everything

that should've been mine.

she had all that she wanted,

her life filled with glee;

such a perfect little angel,

but that girl wasn't me.

because I am a girl

with emotions so strong

that they create all-new feelings,

that they mix right and wrong.

that every sentiment

knocks you down

and it's so hard

To get off ground.

and whose feelings are magnified

again and again;

until just a light sprinkle

seems like pouring rain.

i am a girl

who loves to write

of what she experiences,

of things left and right.

of overwhelming emotions;

be them rejoicing, desolate,

contrite, despondent,

longing, or delicate.

i am a girl

who has never belonged;

whose hopes were depredated;

who no longer sings songs.

whose dreams were devoured

by devious monsters of past,

who ostracized her presence,

and depressed her at last.

i am a girl

who has long been devastated;

for depreciating intruders

had her successfully deviated.

whose desires were destroyed,

who of pleasures is deprived;

who is forced to endure this cold, harsh world

where nothing can survive.

but I will triumph over this,

and destiny will determine that.

no matter how much they derogate me,

or how many truths they wish to detract.

i can outcry them,

and my pleas will be heard.

because I am a girl

whose dreams aren't absurd.

whose visions aren't crazy,

whose seclusion isn't right.

i don't deserve to be disparaged,

and I'll try to change that will all my might.

so as I sit here, pondering, quietly,

extending my mind to all extremes,

i know that slowly, I am silencing

those desperate, shrill  screams.

and although that victory

is high up on the shelf,

i will reach it, I know,

because I am a girl

who believes in herself.

and although it may seem so,

this poem is not yet done.

because I am a girl

who has yet to become

a butterfly, soaring out into the breeze;

a flower, swaying in the wind with all the trees;

whatever

it doesn't matter.

because I am a girl,

a unique little girl,

and I will be a girl

~Forever.~

-Evy, 12/24/01

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11:35 PM - I Want a Boyfriend Who . . .
Current mood: tired

♥I Want a Boyfriend Who . . . ♥

♥Takes me out. . . without me having to ask him to.

Currently listening : On Your Shore By Charlotte Martin Release date: 10 August, 2004

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11:59 AM - 30 things EVERY guy should know...
Current mood: busy

This was written by a guy who has had years of experience.  Coming from a girl..he couldn't be more right.  So all you guys..read below and take notes!

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right<> to beat the shit out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend