I need UR HELP!
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

We are facing the worse hoilday season in my retail career.  Possibly the worse retail economy in the last fifty years. Please spread the word about my store. For those of you who shop Evanglines, keep doing so, as they are the only other localy owned and operated Halloween store in Sacramento. If you live in my area, to the east of downtown, please stop by my store. 

Here is my store...

http://www'>http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmhhbGxvd2VlbmV4LmNvbS9zdG9yZXMuaHRt">http://www. halloweenex. com/stores. htm

Here is how you get to it...

http://www'>http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3Lmdvb2dsZS5jb20vbWFwcz9xPTU5NjErQmlyZGNhZ2UrU3QsK0NpdHJ1cytIZWlnaHRzLCtDQSs5NTYxMCwrVVNBJnNhPVgmb2k9bWFwJmN0PXRpdGxl">http://www. google. com/maps?q=5961+Birdcage+St,+Citrus+Heights,+CA+95610,+USA&sa=X&oi=map&ct=title

Please support the localy owned and operated (by ME!) Halloween Express!

Love & Hope, April

Currently listening : Just Can’t Get Enough: New Wave Halloween By Various Artists - Alternative Release date: 1998-06-30

17:20 - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Leave Taking
Current mood: adored
Category: Friends

Excavation of emotion pain has left gapping holes in my heart before; I'd like to keep myself from making new scars. I would catalog my losses. All those losses of time, of places, of objects—those material and measurable things I would hold infinitely in my possession as tangible symbols of the intangible, the ideal I love. But mostly I want to list the people I've lost or misplaced in my life. Some lost to time, some to distance, some moved on through death, and others to life. And all these persons shaped my existence, mostly at my bequest, but sometimes forcing my hand and catalyzing change or testing my endurance. To what purpose would such a practice serve? My dwelling on the past has never done me much good before now, why would this time be different?

.. 

A positive result could be the recognition of my past recoveries and triumphant over the pain of loss.  As well as the joy discovered through some of these experiences.  There is value in stretching our mind and hearts towards varied life experiences. And then there are the memories that bring tears to my eyes and a smile to my mouth-- at the same time. Whenever I hear Pink Floyd, I recall Jim Wood's giddy laughter and thoughtful commentary flow to the forefront of my mind. I lost him to death. And then there's my Moms determination to do things herself, be it the brakes on her car, rebuilding a chair, or fixing an appliance I remind myself of anytime I face a project I don't know how to begin even though she is hundreds of miles away. 

These last few weeks I have been anxious, depressed, sorrowful, and embracing at the wondrous joy of memories and grateful for the present. Is it the future that holds pain? No. The cloth has been yanked off the table I was propped on, I am fairly certain I can maintain my balance without crashing to the floor. I've lost some friends to time and distance. That is all. I am upset I will not have the convenience of hugging them everyday. I should feel more heartbroken in this moment; I have been anticipating it for days. Yet all I can phantom is the countless moments of vital living I shared with my best friends.

As I write this (9/14/08), I giggle at the song lyrics text messaged today between the three of us…Dave, Ray, & myself. It is way more fun to sing, "I fucked her sister and she gave me the bluz." In place of, "I knew without asking she was into the blues." Or substituting porn for pawn in Pawnshop. I'll always hear Ray and Dave's voices singing freely, loud and clear, when I hear Sublime. And I love them in spite of the fact they are slaughtering the lyrics. I have handwritten messages hidden in my room to remind me I am loved. I have saved voicemails of silliness to get me smiling on a shity day.

This is the Leave Taking. All leavings are alike in this one way. As they leave I take from them essences of their self for me. And they take a bit of my essence with them as well. Pieces of self shared.

It's the way I love.

Currently listening : Axis: Bold as Love By The Jimi Hendrix Experience Release date: 1997-04-22

17:17 - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Circa 2000
Current mood: Digging thru old writing
Category: Digging thru old writing Writing and Poetry

Re: "Spontaneous overflow of Powerful Feelings'

I am unsure on how to open, so I will get right to my thoughts on Wordsworth's theory concerning the poetic process ("Emotion recollected in tranquility"). Specifically on the transition from stage one (tranquility) into stage two. Supposedly the poet/artist transits from a moment of remembrance of an experience and the emotions felt during the experience to a state of reliving the emotions attached to said experience. I believe this is true, but there is more, because to stop at that point is to ignore an interesting aspect of our human psyche and the dept of our emotional existence.

Let's see if I can prove my point. Recall if you like a very poignant moment in your past…what was your emotional response at the time?  Often these things happen quickly, if it is painful we turn off emotional responses and go into what scientist call beta mode, and if it is joyful we glide over it in awe. An extreme example would be the trauma suffered by a rape victim, during the rape survival instinct will preside over the person's consciousness, and acute pain is experienced in the retelling of the rape. The suffering emotions spawn from the persons examination of what happened to them. It is in remembrance that we not only "feel it all over again", but rather we truly feel it for the first time.

 Now if a person has an outlet in which to place these emotions, like a gift for poetry or art, it works as a healing balm for the malady of memory.  The release of emotional tension and creating art out of life is what would be most pleasurable for any artist. Oh, and by the way, I think Wordsworth thinks on the man on the lonely moor in admiration of the old mans perseverance, he wishes he could emulate the old man in Wordsworth's own life. That is why I love the poem; I wish I could be more like the old man and less like the depressed, yet an untalented, poet.

Currently listening : Comfort Eagle By Cake Release date: 2001-07-24

06:46 - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Al-Kimya
Current mood: enthralled
Category: Religion and Philosophy

A song that can remit a reverberation of hope and desire is playing. And of something akin to being known for all you are and could be. What you may mean to another. What they mean to you. It is that moment in time when all potentiality is amplified through your souls- though the micro-cosmos of self. I see true reflections of humanity glisten upon every note.  How can a song be that good? When my very heart swells, my clothes feel tight against my progressively sensitive skin. Feverish to the touch, I've grown warm.

Because it showcases fulfillment of human spirit encapsulated in sound. That some things are true, we can connect. Someone is, for at least an instant, perfectly attuned to you as you are to them. And it hurts in my very body, muscles contracting and guts churning with the longing for the one. The pain is in the longing for what is promised in that song. The knowing and recognition that such exquisiteness exists in this world and never having it for myself.

Yeah, that's how I feel about a song. It's made me cry tearlessly in my overly tired state, and silent screams with heart wrenching ache. Like driftwood trapped in rock formations lying mid river and battered by rapids. It's loud here. I will be broken into new form and reshaped as something else.

There is show me writing within those songs I love most. As well as a socio-political commentary happening. A snapshot of our reality as it is being experienced by the artist. A song that musically and lyrically reflects the landscape of our beliefs from the bands perspective. Music is the language of the cosmos, Pythagoras was right.

Music is real, material as it is experienced empirically through our sense of hearing and vibration of sound through sense of touch.

Mathematics (numbers and equations) is immaterial. As an ideal, it is not physically real.

Music can be directly translated into mathematical expression.

Mathematics is the universal language.

Therefore Music = Ideals manifested into our physical realm.

Music, the ideal made real.

Currently listening : Skin and Bones By Foo Fighters Release date: 2006-11-07

22:23 - 7 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

On Beauty
Current mood: vital
Category: Life

There are different kinds of beauty. I believe there are different ways beauty manifests itself in our world. Beauty is non-material, it's an idea. Because I understand the concept of beauty as an idea I consciously recognize it's essence in many forms. There are different kinds of beauty, because beauty, rather alike love, is experienced

 And like love, beauty is a concept, an ideal essence on can recognize and hold up examples of, but never simply define. "That which is pleasing to the eye" fails as a definition because we experience beauty through all our senses. "That which is pleasing to the individual" also fails as a catch all definition because beauty is often absorbed into a cultural accepted standard, it's a relative concept many can agree. There can be consent in application of this concept by multiple individuals and others can fervently disagree with the application of labeling a something beautiful.

And beauty is not always pleasing.

For example there is a beauty like that of Deidre of Sorrows (An Irish Helen, the most beautiful woman). She was called this because men experience sorrow when she leaves their side. They ever feared losing her, to never again be in presence of her beauty. Kings tried to claim ownership of her and that sorrow spread out on the land. It is the beauty of longing and not of lust they sought with her. A longing in those who love her and longingness she holds within herself. Songs like Beer by Reel Big Fish, and its counterpoint Joey by Concrete Blonde, were written about persons who possess this kind of beauty. That is heartbreaking beauty. This is not a quality of my beauty.

The qualities of my beauty are visceral, and lusty in nature. I have the vitality beauty of someone clawing at existence. All experiences I am presently living out as fully as possible. To the last drop, I'll drink in every instant.  Because I have been without, desolate in my surroundings, I look forward to every conceivable moment as potential joy. Before now things have been worse and can always get worse. And then again they could get better. Best live it up while the getting's good.

Some look at me and think cute, sometimes pretty, but not striking. Not elegant or heartbreaking. You'll never see me glide across a room in a full length dress, all eyes glancing my way in witness to my graceful ways. I would rather keep time in heels like Marilyn Monroe, all eyes on me widen as I bounce by, "Look how she moves! It's like Jell-O on springs." curvy and jiggly--that's my style. And I embrace this beauty. It's my own charm I never fear to leverage in mixed company.

I admire stoic beauty and strength or purposeful character in others. I strive towards that beauty. I know many women of this beauty, all of them creative and woman of integrity. They say the qualities we admire most in others we ourselves have potentiality to develop.   

Currently listening : This Year’s Model (With Bonus Disc) By Elvis Costello Release date: 2002-02-19

20:09 - 10 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

What
Category: Quiz/Survey

*Emotional side*

When you are stressed, what is the first thing you do?
Breathe. I hate to admit it, but I tend to clench my jaw.
If its life in general stressing me out I find music, anything from the radio, my ipod, sometimes it's whatever's playing in a store and I listen.

Does crying really make things better or worse?
Some of my clearest thoughts have occurred after crying.

Is there anyone you can tell everything to?
No

What calms you down the most?
Music. I remember a time I was in nature, moments spent near my river, the ocean, stark deserts, and forest glens. If it's an ongoing issue I talk to Ray.

Any particular kind of music that makes you feel better?
I'm boycotting this question. It is badly phrased.

Are you generally a happy person?
I am generally a person in pursuit of happiness.

What or who puts the biggest smile on your face?
My nephew, closely followed by Unmata Verbatim Hot Pot and all my Family

Do you ever over-react on the smallest things?
No, I don't waste energy.

Ever suffer from bad depression or anxiety?
Not really. My car gave me anxiety last year, but I don't care anymore.

I don't get depressed so much as I have bouts of despair and acute frustration. 

Mad about something?
Rarely

Happy about something?
Halloween Season

*Loving side*

currently with someone?
No

happy about that?
That's a strange question prompt.

How long now?
Not keeping track

Have you married this person or got engaged?
Never had the pleasure

Like to cuddle?
Yes

Do you like sensitivity?
What does that mean? I dislike sappy insincere sentimentality.

Is your partner open about their feelings towards you?
I don't have a "partner"

Still in love?
All the time, with the whole world.

Do looks really matter?
Not in the way you think.

If they don't like your family or friends, does that really matter?
Yes. Those that matter totally love you, and those that don't love you, totally don't matter.

Who starts the most arguments?
I do, what of it?

*Friendly side*

Have besties in your life?
yes

Who are they?
My sis, Catrina, Dave&Ray, Kelli, Holly, Verbatim.

Do you see them a lot?
I live with Ray & Dave.
Verbatim is together enough for us to get sick of each other.
I don't get enough Holly and Kelli time, but they know they are sisters of my heart.
My sis and I know where we stand.

Do they like the guy/girl you are with?
All of them like me single.

Which one lives the farthest away?
Catrina

Do you get along with everyone?
Quite naturally with everyone, except with men who take liberties.

Are you too nice of a person towards people?
Yes, you see I work in customer service, the more I dislike you, the nicer I get. Not that I mistreat the people I really like/love, rather they get to experience the full spectrum of my personality.

Would you give anything to someone in need of help?
In theory, yes. I have not had many opportunities to test this conviction.

Would you consider ever getting a tattoo of your BFF on you?
Like a portrait? No. My UV tattoo will suffice.

What about your partner?
How about one of his favorite band? That'd be rad.

Know anyone two-faced?
This verbiage springs from shallow thinking. Adults are equipped to be complex in mind and action.

*Physical Side*

Are you a lover or fighter?
Both, for I am passionate.

Ever been in a fist-fight?
Not since I was a teen, half my life ago.

Have you been in an abusive relationship?
Not physically abusive.

Are you more to verbally fight or physically fight?
Depends, verbally disarming your opponent is always my weapon of choice.

Do you consider yourself in shape?
No, I want to be stronger.

What features do you wish to change?
My broken tooth, and my weak ankles.

Ever have anything from your body removed?
No

*your weird side*

Ever wonder what was on the "other side"?
Yes

Believe there is a heaven?
Not the one you stole

Seen UFO'S lately?
No

Wonder if animals can talk?
Why would they talk, they maintain a complex system of communication.

What about the lockness monster?
 "Many miles away something crawls from the slime at the bottom of a dark Scottish lake."

Can you watch horror movies by yourself in the dark?
Yes, I have done that.
 

Are your doors always locked at night?
Dave locks down the house.

Ever sing in front of the mirror?
I've been known to sing along to my music while I get ready

Name something you do that you normally won't admit because it is strange?
Arranging my bookshelves by subject, alpha by author, and then each authors writings in order by publish date. Music CD's by artist and then release date. What, that's not weird enough? I find theories on parallel universes, alternate realities (like fairyland), and reincarnation as valid as any other theory on the nature of existence and our apparent universe in form and function.

Ever believe that there were little green men that take your stuff and hide it while you sleep?
No

Ever wander if stars are people we lost?
No, they are not lost.
 

Currently listening : Eat to the Beat By Blondie Release date: 2001-09-11

22:54 - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Music is Better Than Dating Thrice
Current mood: smitten
Category: MySpace

I do not see my world as much as I do hear it

....

I love our local music scene. I am always down do hit the venue supporting the artists out there right now working the bar and having fun spreading the joys of music and alcohol to the community. In fact we our making our community right here, right now with every gig and every after party. The Tribe of Music and Debauchery. You'll find me on any given Friday or Saturday night, when not performing with Verbatim, at a Posiden show. Building a network with other local music lovers over these past few months has bought many exceptional acts to my attention, check these pages out for the lowdown on all Sacramento has to offer by the way of music.....

http://www.myspace.com/posidenluvsbeer  

http://www.myspace.com/norcallocalroots  

http://www.myspace.com/drpetevenkman  

http://www.myspace.com/sacmusicrocks  

http://www.myspace.com/thevalrocks  

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....

As much as I love many local acts, the draw of what is called to a "National act", or as most of my favorite bands are, an international act, is in their phenomenology as an artist. Seeing first hand the young beginnings of a band at the local level is cool. Having the luxury of bearing witness to a signed acts growth, the sellouts, is something else. I find joy in hearing progression of an artist from one album to the next. We do not change per se; we become more of who we are. A good band follows this same tenet by artistically becoming more.

....

....

Yes there are thousands of talented individuals on our globe. Many are musicians that join bands, some to play with others, some to "make it" big, some of them out of boredom. And some of those even write decent tunes and play well. And a spare few others are doing it simply to produce quality songs and perform them well—no, better than well, brilliantly. This last group appeals to the artist in me. I have no desire to famous for my creative abilities; I just want to be self satisfied with my output. So I work, be it Dance or Writing. Because production equals mature artist in my field, we believe in working everyday. As I stretch with and collect my movements, holding sound and words within my body and on my heart. And it's been said before, one must write out a billion words of mediocre work until you get to the good stuff. I almost feel sorry for those of you reading this now, my use of blog writing to make my billion word quota. ;)

....

....

How does this relate to how I listen to bands and musicians? The immature artist is all talk, imagine that naturally good musician who never practices or squanders their life in excess. Can we all agree one great player does not make a great live performing act? And how many prolific songwriters are unable to articulate a single cohesive sounding song? You can have one of each of these in the same band, or even all in the same person. Talent unnurtured, the immature artist sits around bemoaning the lack of crowds at their last show and why no one seems to recognize their supposed genius. Therein my answers lay. Work shows a mature artist, hard work pays. Those that continuously do the work for the sake of making something good will always be found by their audience.

....

....

This takes me to the second round of this rant, my inspiration for all this journal writing. Thousands of bands are signed year in and year out. They get that album out, mayhap two or three. They sell, collect fans, some lose their audience, some get more. Why does this happen? That's too big of a topic for my blog. Are they working hard? I can't say. But I know every band I love does. I can say I've listened to thousands of albums by hundreds of artists. A lot of them I enjoyed and never really thought about the act since.  A select few I latch onto one specific album, infatuated with the sound, but consecutive albums fail to relate, for me. I usually can still appreciate the musicians output, but I don't dig their work anymore. Sometimes this happens with a single song. I am of the generation who had purchase power before I-tunes and internet shopping! Buying albums because one song caught my ear, only to find the rest of it personally disappointingly irrelative just scrapes. Sometimes I fall out touch with bands between releases. I have an album I like by an artist, then a couple release later they hit my radar again. I have the pleasure of rediscovering a band twice. They win me back in their audience. Or because I am slow to catch the pulse of our ever fickle culture I get into an artist after a few releases into their career. This is so much fun for me because I get a backlist to dive into. And this is what happened to me last month.

....

....

Here is the breakdown of how I listen to a new (to my collection) album. I follow this one rule, my mothers:

....

....

Always listen to the record all the way through at least three times without skipping or repeating any songs.

....

....

I call this practice a study in consistency and integrity.  I like Continuity. An artist/band is only as good as they can produce a cohesive and desirable album. The trick is to keep doing it. The magic of an artist/band expanding song by song and album by album is what I seek. You know every song on an album is exceptional when you want to hear every track over and over again, and you never think to skip a single song.

....

....

All the artists/bands I've collected into my heart over the years share the commonality of working hard at being a consummate artist. Mature production with a drive for quality, they become more of who they are. This is phenomenology.

....

....

A friend tipped me off to a recent offering by a band and brought my attention back to this band, I was so inspired by the sampling I heard I had to fill in the missing albums of my collection. So I could compile a play list, in fact my favorite kind of play list, of a bands complete catalogue in order of release, yeah I am a nerdy OCD completist. I revel in hearing the work as it increases in complexity. I wanted desperately to trace that path of the bands work. The latest album by this band breaks my heart in its beauty. Where, how, why, what happened to get this music made?  Questions I can not answer, but I can hear both the cause and the effect flowing throughout my play list like a viable essence.  And I know all these albums are good because the potentiality for greatness was always present for this band. As I go back to the beginning and listen I hear the songs are well crafted, because this band was always doing the work. One collection of artists of talent, transcended introspective and they work hard at consistently putting out work of integrity year after year. And these are my revelations as I listen to their career retrospective. The state of becoming is a common factor in all bands I love. Not just progression like manifest destiny, because that implies an end or goal. Becoming is infinite.

....

....

The band is Thrice.

....

....

The moment I heard a selection of songs from The Alchemy Index, I was smitten. I just can not separate my emotional response to this album collection from a relatively objective art appreciation review of the work. I just gush at this point. Struck unawares, as I was. I could write ten more pages on the Alchemy Index Vol 1,2,3,4 alone. Someday I may just do that.....

Currently listening : The Alchemy Index, Vol. 1 & 2 By Thrice Release date: 2007-10-16

23:28 - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Music is better than dating twice
Current mood: Heartbroken yet hopeful
Category: Heartbroken yet hopeful Romance and Relationships

May fourth

Why not be as Nietzsche suggest? Why not use my womanly assets to the best of my abilities? Sell my curvature in an intrinsically valuable way. Be viably sexual without selling out my sexuality. A way to be free and giving of myself without breaking me.

Yes, I am talking about Nude Figure Modeling for local artist.

Emulating a courtesan makes me happy. Almost content in a way. I am a woman of my own strengths of purpose. Why not exploit those feminine attributes? Ah, but we do love to talk about ourselves. Within, among, along, all others we move connect and relate to each other. And all those parallel lives. Are they simply running along side us? Through our friends, lovers and acquaintances lay our window to what if?

May ninth

I feel displaced. Like our expanded, and extended, yet always accepted collection of individuals fill all the space and my senses overwhelmed cannot process all these presences, the auras of artists, pressing against each other. The battle for a space is what my shields convince themselves needs to happen.  The front part of my mind understands this is unnecessary. Truly, all that I need to do is trust myself and relax. Let my sense of self ease back down into myself.

It is a strange sensation to meet men as a single woman. Strange to meet single and taken men of all ages. Strange to meet women as well, whether they are Lesbian or strait, or some preference in between. Because I have changed, but can they tell? Do I appear as my old self to them, protected in my taken status? Is she what I project? Or do I trust them with my new, evolving self?  

And what of those who knew me before? Can they read it off me, like a tattoo scribbled across my body pressing through from beneath my skin, surfacing and giving me away? Dieing my clothes various tones in shades I never imagined for myself. Do they see it, as I feel it? Me in my same clothes that lie different and feel different but look the same? Do they know what has happened to me, what I've done?

Reset. Restart. Replay. Instantly?

I want life to have a reset button. I want to hit it whenever I fall into my old selves patterns…the ones that didn't work the first few times around, so surely will not now.  I stop and write. I want to hit the rest button and say let me try again from the last saved place. And not revert to a young adulthood mentality with bad habits of reclusiveness.    Perhaps it is because for the first time in a long time I feel exposed. Ten years ago I wanted nothing more than to be a dancer of some skill and I gave that hope up. Five years ago I never wanted to perform on stage. I shift towards being well on my way of becoming that dancer, that performer I had dreamt of in my youth. It all began by my building report with individuals outside my previous experiences. This expanded to doing and experiencing things outside my previous perceptions.

May thirtieth

And the curse of the shrewd woman: I've had just enough education to analyze my situation effectively. And to be dissatisfied with myself thus far. Because I can do more. I could be more.

Music is better than dating
Current mood: productive
Category: Parties and Nightlife

I collect bands and musical artists the way most people take photos and collect those images as memories. Instead of photo albums I have CD's, and instead of collages I make playlists.

I-pods were invented to make money off people like me. I like to walk around my neighborhood listening to my latest designed-for-a-reason play list. Its good exercise, I enjoy the quiet scenery. In general suburbanites hide inside their climate controlled homes on spring eves. Seems a shame that they miss out on the beauty of this evening and that they don't know their neighbors. The night presses on the air and the sun sinks and I listen, stepping in time…to some poetry of the city, a perspective completely removed from my current environment.

So much on my mind that it can't recline
Blastin holes in the night til she bled sunshine
Breathe in, inhale vapors from bright stars that shine
Breathe out, weed smoke retrace the skyline
Yo how the bass ride out like an ancient mating call
I can't take it y'all, I can feel the city breathin
Chest heavin, against the flesh of the evening
Kiss the Ide's goodbye, I'm on the last train leavin

---------------Black Star, Respiration-----------------

This rivals William Blake's writings on London, if ya ask me. And as the songs flow one to the next I am thankful and grateful for the health and solace I have found these past few months. A life I am ever building. And yet within that lyric lies many a selection of memories for myself, some as recent as last month and others resurfacing after couple decades from my childhood. In May I wrote a lot in my journals about music, how it inspires and what it means to me. I also wrote a bit about being a single woman, and how it inspires and what it means to me. So this time the May recap has a twofold theme, rather than sporadic meanderings of my mind. We are attempting to focus our writing; mayhap it will become appealing to the masses. This is my practice forum after all.

So let's start with May 30^th.

I was a' walking on this Friday eve. About two blocks around the corner from my house, on my way home, I pass a house with an open garage. It's across the street, though, and peripherally I see some guys hanging out. I get two more houses down my road before they start shouting "hey!" I look over my shoulder cause I am not sure they mean me, but as I am the only other on the street I pause in my walking, and pull out an ear plug.

"Hey, come back!" "What are you doing? Will you come here a sec?"

"I don't respond well to direct orders, meet me half way." I shout back.

"What?" "Dude, she said meet her half way!"

"Yeah I'll cross the street, meet me half way." As if I would walk up to a garage of five guys drinking. Do I look like I was born yesterday? So they send down an emissary, or maybe he's the only single one of the bunch. He is not very tall, only a few inches taller than I, short for a man. He appears Pacific Islander, with dark hair and eyes, a tattooed upper arm, wearing a plain t-shirt and long swim trunks.

When he is less than a yard away he asks, "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking a walk and listening to some music."

"But it's Friday night, save the walking for the home gym. What are listening to?"

"Thrice." I answer, wishing I said Sublime so I could test him fairly, but I am honest by default. I don't ever think to lie and if I wanted to I still couldn't.

"What's that?" No really that's what he said. Not: Is that a band, what kind of music is it, or what's it sound like? He fuckin said "what's that". I work on my blank face. It is too close to lying for me; wear my heart bleeding on my sleeve kind of girl I am. I think he has already been drinking. And I tell myself, everybody does not have the same kind of relationship with music that I foster.

"They are a band."

"Well, we are all hanging out getting set to party cause it's Friday!"

"I work in retail, so I work tomorrow; Friday isn't a magical get drunk night for me." And I realize I don't know his name, so I introduce myself,  and he says his.

"You live near here?" he then asks. This throws me because I told him about my work, the conversation was curvy. I almost say, "No, just like to walk around here cause it's such a nice neighborhood." But I don't.

"Yeah, just around the corner, off of Linda Rio." I don't name my actual street, but I indicate its close proximity because that's good woman self defense strategy.

 "Do you live alone?"

"No, I share a place with my best friends, Dave and LaRayna."

"And you guys don't party?"

"Dave is in a band, I dare say we do our share of drinking and partying."

"Oh yeah? What band, have I heard of them?"

I want to say you asked me such a dumb question about Thrice, I seriously doubt it. But instead I say, "Posiden, they are the Sounds of Sac band this week on Kwod. They are playing The Sandbar tomorrow night."  I am ever the promoter for my boys. www.myspace.com/posidenluvsbeer

"That's cool, but I don't know where that is. I just moved here from the bay area. For my work, I work in west Sac."

Now here is an interesting side note: why do various men like to reference the fact they lived or worked in the "Bay Area"? Is this supposed to indicate worldliness? Or financial draw to women? We are playing on separate fields, he and I. Ray has accused me of being too dolled up when we go out,  appearing all confident, and being too nice-that all that intimidates men. I look down at myself, I have on a t-shirt and hoodie with loose fitting black linen pants. My hair is tied up in a pony, and I have the same subdued makeup I've been wearing all day at work. I can't help being confident, I just am. I talk to him like he is a customer, so yeah I am nice.  So why can't men converse with me? Because I expect them to talk to me like I'm a person, as I am addressing them like they are a person.

"Ok, where is it you work?" and he names it and tells me what they do…That he rents this place himself…that they are getting a keg, will I hang out?

And then he says, "How old are you?"

Ah my fav question. I pegged him to be 25-30 based on his position with his company that he can rent by himself, and he will randomly approach women. But I say, "How old do I look?" anyway.

"Why do you say that?"

"Cause I like hearing all the various answers I get."

"Well I know your old enough to drink! Come on just tell me, I'll tell you my age."

I tell him (sorry folks not posting my actual age on myspace), and he spouts one of his stupidest responses yet.

"You're like a Jaguar!" I look at him confused, so he says "Isn't that what they call it?"

"You mean cougar?"

"Yeah, yeah"

"Well now, how old are you?"

"How old do you think I am?"

"Between 25 and 30."

 "You wish I was 25, I'm 29!"

"What, then we are close in age." And I wanna say you suck, I am barely older than you. That in no way makes me a cougar for talking to you. And when did the definition change from a divorced MLF hunting men half her age, to the single me who only ever gets approached by men in their twenties? Not to mention the fact I am not even hitting on you, trust me, you would know.

Thankfully, one of his buddies call out to him about an alcohol run. He says, "If you are walking back by here stop by for a drink with us."

And I say, "If you're going out tomorrow night find The Sandbar."

"Cool, bye."

I go back to my music, I understand it. Last thought as I walk: Men, I find are incomprehensible.

Currently listening : If We Could Only See Us Now (W/Dvd) By Thrice Release date: 2005-03-29

06:20 - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos -