Gender: Male
Status: Single
Sign: Gemini
City: LOS ANGELES
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date:
01/02/06
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Friday, July 04, 2008
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Kids Opinions
Kids Opinions
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT!
10:46 AM
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Sunday, June 08, 2008
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Bush ’plans Iran air strike by August’
Category: News and Politics
Bush 'plans Iran air strike by August'
Feel free to post your comments
http://blog.myspace.com/livevideoincnews
http://blog.myspace.com/kurtkelly
Jane,
Very candid insight. However according to many sources, we will not have to wait for McCain to be at war with Iran!! Today, Live Video, Inc News confirmed with members of the U.S. Marines in San Diego, CA rumors of war with Iran. These members of the Marines have standing orders to deploy to Iran for full engagement in August. Additionally, these ranking Marine members stated today that we plan similar ramped-up full engagement in Afghanistan during the same period. Below your comments, please review the Original Article from Asia Times forward by David Bell a US citizen in the Asian communities overseas.
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Middle_East/JE28Ak01.html
On Sun, Jun 8, 2008 at 10:27 AM, Jane Clark wrote:
This video is called "swiftboating" defined as taking words and actions out of context to give a false impression of a person or candidate. I can put a clip together that says anything about any one of you and "guess what" it would totally not represent you at all and you would be furious. The source of alot of this stuff is Fox news. Pleasssssssssssssssss we all know what they are. If you don't do what they say as a new employee, guess what...you are fired! There are documentaries on Fox News reporters that stated they were told to LIE about an issue or a person and they refused and they were fired....duh, why should we take Fox news as authoritative. You have to be kidding. If we want a war in Iran, vote for McCain. If you think things are bad now, jobs..gas...health care...etc etc foreclosures.....you name it....then go for it. I want America to care for Americans, let's stop spending all this money overseas for the select few (Halliburton, oil companies, Dynacorp, etc) and take care of Americans. This video is half truths, not true, Obama has been a Christian all his life, he went to a public school not a muslim school, he quit the church were Rev Wright was (Wright has retired now) and he has disavowed their words, he told Israel that he approves of America supporting our Israel Alley in Washington DC at a AIPAC meeting 3 days ago, he lives in America is an American, went to school in Chicago, and you can find any fault you want with him, but don't forget the right wing nutty preachers that have supported the Republicans too. I am very disappointed in the persono who sent out this video, as it shows how petty a person can be. Pleassssseeee use your minds. Do we want a war in Iran? If you say yes, then welcome home more body bags of American soliders (my Dad was a retired AF Lt. Col) and except a depression. That is all I have to say on this matter. This video is nothing more than a swiftboat video and the author, Warren Baxter, is a Canadian and can't even vote in America....go figure. Jane Clark, Attorney at Law and proud to be an American and supporter of Barack Obama and proud of that too. ..tr width="100%" height="100%"> | Jane A. Clark Attorney & Counselor at Law Law Offices of Jane A. Clark 214 Southwest 4th Street Grand Prairie, Texas 75051 Toll free: 1-888-888-1154 Office: 972-264-8881 Fax: 972-264-2840 | ..table> Original Article from Asia Times http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Middle_East/JE28Ak01.html Again, air strikes by August, but will NOT yet include nuclear facil.'s as targets on first round. Likely, will begin with "training facilities" and other targets. Bush 'plans Iran air strike by August'
By Muhammad Cohen NEW YORK - The George W Bush administration plans to launch an air strike against Iran within the next two months, an informed source tells Asia Times Online, echoing other reports that have surfaced in the media in the United States recently. Two key US senators briefed on the attack planned to go public with their opposition to the move, according to the source, but their projected New York Times op-ed piece has yet to appear. The source, a retired US career diplomat and former assistant secretary of state still active in the foreign affairs community, speaking anonymously, said last week that that the US plans an air strike against the Iranian Revolutionary Guards Corps (IRGC). The air strike would target the headquarters of the IRGC's elite Quds force. With an estimated strength of up to 90,000 fighters, the Quds' stated mission is to spread Iran's revolution of 1979 throughout the region. Targets could include IRGC garrisons in southern and southwestern Iran, near the border with Iraq. US officials have repeatedly claimed Iran is aiding Iraqi insurgents. In January 2007, US forces raided the Iranian consulate general in Erbil, Iraq, arresting five staff members, including two Iranian diplomats it held until November. Last September, the US Senate approved a resolution by a vote of 76-22 urging President George W Bush to declare the IRGC a terrorist organization. Following this non-binding "sense of the senate" resolution, the White House declared sanctions against the Quds Force as a terrorist group in October. The Bush administration has also accused Iran of pursuing a nuclear weapons program, though most intelligence analysts say the program has been abandoned. An attack on Iraq would fit the Bush administration's declared policy on Iraq. Administration officials questioned directly about military action against Iran routinely assert that "all options remain on the table". Rockin' and a-reelin' Senators and the Bush administration denied the resolution and terrorist declaration were preludes to an attack on Iran. However, attacking Iran rarely seems far from some American leaders' minds. Arizona senator and presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain recast the classic Beach Boys tune Barbara Ann as "Bomb Iran". Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton promised "total obliteration" for Iran if it attacked Israel. The US and Iran have a long and troubled history, even without the proposed air strike. US and British intelligence were behind attempts to unseat prime minister Mohammed Mossadeq, who nationalized Britain's Anglo-Iranian Petroleum Company, and returned Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi to power in 1953. President Jimmy Carter's pressure on the Shah to improve his dismal human-rights record and loosen political control helped the 1979 Islamic revolution unseat the Shah. But the new government under Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini condemned the US as "the Great Satan" for its decades of support for the Shah and its reluctant admission into the US of the fallen monarch for cancer treatment. Students occupied the US Embassy in Teheran, holding 52 diplomats hostage for 444 days. Eight American commandos died in a failed rescue mission in 1980. The US broke diplomatic relations with Iran during the hostage holding and has yet to restore them. Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad's rhetoric often sounds lifted from the Khomeini era. The source said the White House views the proposed air strike as a limited action to punish Iran for its involvement in Iraq. The source, an ambassador during the administration of president H W Bush, did not provide details on the types of weapons to be used in the attack, nor on the precise stage of planning at this time. It is not known whether the White House has already consulted with allies about the air strike, or if it plans to do so. Sense in the senate Details provided by the administration raised alarm bells on Capitol Hill, the source said. After receiving secret briefings on the planned air strike, Senator Diane Feinstein, Democrat of California, and Senator Richard Lugar, Republican of Indiana, said they would write a New York Times op-ed piece "within days", the source said last week, to express their opposition. Feinstein is a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee and Lugar is the ranking Republican on the Foreign Relations Committee. Senate offices were closed for the US Memorial Day holiday, so Feinstein and Lugar were not available for comment. Given their obligations to uphold the secrecy of classified information, it is unlikely the senators would reveal the Bush administration's plan or their knowledge of it. However, going public on the issue, even without specifics, would likely create a public groundswell of criticism that could induce the Bush administration reconsider its plan. The proposed air strike on Iran would have huge implications for geopolitics and for the ongoing US presidential campaign. The biggest question, of course, is how would Iran respond? Iran's options Iran could flex its muscles in any number of ways. It could step up support for insurgents in Iraq and for its allies throughout the Middle East. Iran aids both Hezbollah in Lebanon and Hamas in Israel's Occupied Territories. It is also widely suspected of assisting Taliban rebels in Afghanistan. Iran could also choose direct confrontation with the US in Iraq and/or Afghanistan, with which Iran shares a long, porous border. Iran has a fighting force of more than 500,000. Iran is also believed to have missiles capable of reaching US allies in the Gulf region. Iran could also declare a complete or selective oil embargo on US allies. Iran is the second-largest oil exporter in the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries and fourth-largest overall. About 70% of its oil exports go to Asia. The US has barred oil imports from Iran since 1995 and restricts US companies from investing there. China is Iran's biggest customer for oil, and Iran buys weapons from China. Trade between the two countries hit US$20 billion last year and continues to expand. China's reaction to an attack on Iran is also a troubling unknown for the US. Three for the money The Islamic world could also react strongly against a US attack against a third predominantly Muslim nation. Pakistan, which also shares a border with Iran, could face additional pressure from Islamic parties to end its cooperation with the US to fight al-Qaeda and hunt for Osama bin Laden. Turkey, another key ally, could be pushed further off its secular base. American companies, diplomatic installations and other US interests could face retaliation from governments or mobs in Muslim-majority states from Indonesia to Morocco. A US air strike on Iran would have seismic impact on the presidential race at home, but it's difficult to determine where the pieces would fall. At first glance, a military attack against Iran would seem to favor McCain. The Arizona senator says the US is locked in battle across the globe with radical Islamic extremists, and he believes Iran is one of biggest instigators and supporters of the extremist tide. A strike on Iran could rally American voters to back the war effort and vote for McCain. On the other hand, an air strike on Iran could heighten public disenchantment with Bush administration policy in the Middle East, leading to support for the Democratic candidate, whoever it is. But an air strike will provoke reactions far beyond US voting booths. That would explain why two veteran senators, one Republican and one Democrat, were reportedly so horrified at the prospect. Former broadcast news producer Muhammad Cohen told America's story to the world as a US diplomat and is author of Hong Kong On Air (www.hongkongonair.com), a novel set during the 1997 handover about television news, love, betrayal, high finance and cheap lingerie. (Copyright 2008 Asia Times Online Ltd. All rights reserved. Please contact us for information on sales, syndication and republishing.)
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Friday, June 06, 2008
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Questions for the AARP Crowd
Questions for the AARP Crowd
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http://blog.myspace.com/kurtkelly
Questions for the AARP Crowd (from my cousin).
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are
interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When
you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that
true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt.'
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly-----wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on
my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60 + year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory
storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter
antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these.
11:13 PM
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Saturday, May 31, 2008
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Reducing Gas
Category: News and Politics
Check it out Clifford B.? Temple Procurement Agent Strategic Contracting & Initiatives Technical? Services Office: 562-496-6246 Cell: 714-264-2658
? ? ?HOW? WE CAN GET GAS BACK DOWN TO $1.30 PER? GALLON?
This was sent by a? retired Coca Cola executive.? It came from one of his engineer buddies who? retired from Halliburton.? If you are tired of the gas prices going up AND they? will continue to rise this summer, take time to read this please.
Phillip? Hollsworth offered this good idea.? This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't? buy gas on a certain day'? campaign that was going around last April or May!? It's worth your consideration.? Join the resistance!!!!
I hear we are? going to hit close to $ 4.00 a gallon by this summer and it might go higher!!?? Want gasoline prices to come down?
We need to take some intelligent,? united action. The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we? wouldn't continue to 'hurt' ourselves by refusing to buy gas .
It was? more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them BUT, whoever? thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can REALLY work.? Please read? on and join with us!
By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at? about $2.00 is super cheap.? Me too!? It is currently $3.89 for regular unleaded? in my town, Seattle. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have? conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $2.50 -? $2.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the? marketplace..not sellers.
With the price of gasoline going up more each? day, we consumers need to take action.
The only way we are going to see? the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not? purchasing their gas!? And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting? ourselves.
How?? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying? gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a? price war.
Here's? the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two? biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and? MOBIL.
If they are not? selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices.?? If they reduce? their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an? impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers.? It's? really simple to do!? Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and? I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!
I am sending? this note to 30 people.? If each of us send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 =? 300) ...? and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)... and? so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have? reached over THREE MILLION consumers .
If those three million get excited? and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been? contacted!
If it goes one level further, you guessed it.....? THREE? HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!
Again, all you have to do is send this to 10? people.? That's all!
(If you don't understand how we can reach 300? million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people....? Well, let's face? it, you just aren't a mathematician.? But I am, so trust me on this? one.
How long would all that take?? If each of us sends this e-mail out? to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could? conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!
I'll bet you didn't? think you and I had that much potential, did you?! Acting together we can make a? difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.? I suggest? that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2.00? RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.? THIS CAN REALLY? WORK. Vincent????? Franze AIA Franz & Franze Architecture PLLC 118 N. Bedford Rd. Suite????? 105 Mt. Kisco , NY 10549 V-????? 914.241.6775 F- 914.241.7868 C-????? 914.420.1119
?
Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.
Check it out?
Clifford B. Temple
Procurement Agent
Strategic Contracting & Initiatives
Technical Services
Office: 562-496-6246
Cell: 714-264-2658
Exxon and Mobil are the same company.?? ?There are several other Exxon affiliates. You can view these at http://www.exxonmobil.com/Corporate/about_who_brands.aspx. Please note that ?On the Run? is Exxon as well.
?
?
?HOW WE CAN GET GAS BACK DOWN TO $1.30 PER GALLON?
This was sent by a retired Coca Cola executive.? It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton.? If you are tired of the gas prices going up AND they will continue to rise this summer, take time to read this please.
Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea.? This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy gas on a certain day'? campaign that was going around last April or May! It's worth your consideration.? Join the resistance!!!!
I hear we are going to hit close to $ 4.00 a gallon by this summer and it might go higher!!? Want gasoline prices to come down?
We need to take some intelligent, united action. The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to 'hurt' ourselves by refusing to buy gas .
It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can REALLY work.? Please read on and join with us!
By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $2.00 is super cheap.? Me too!? It is currently $3.89 for regular unleaded in my town, Seattle. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $2.50 - $2.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..not sellers.
With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action.
The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas!? And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves.
How?? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.
Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL.
If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices.?? If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers.? It's really simple to do!? Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!
I am sending this note to 30 people.? If each of us send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ...? and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)... and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers .
If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!
If it goes one level further, you guessed it.....? THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!
Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people.? That's all!
(If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people....? Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician.? But I am, so trust me on this one.
How long would all that take?? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!
I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?! Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.? I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2.00 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.? THIS CAN REALLY WORK.
Vincent Franze AIA
Franz & Franze Architecture PLLC
118 N. Bedford Rd. Suite 105
Mt. Kisco, NY 10549
V- 914.241.6775
F- 914.241.7868
C- 914.420.1119
2:48 PM
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Friday, May 16, 2008
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The Haircut
Category: News and Politics
Feel free to add comments at http://blog.myspace.com/kurtkelly
On Mon, May 12, 2008 at 9:15 AM, D E wrote:
The Haircut
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and
left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he
tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money
from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very
happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you'
card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business'
and 'Becoming More Successful.
'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay
his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and
leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
Vote carefully this year !!!!!!!
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5:00 AM
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Saturday, April 19, 2008
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Everlasting Love!!
Category: Romance and Relationships
Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon,
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school .'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...
I gave him my airplane glue.
11:50 PM
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Wednesday, April 02, 2008
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Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
Category: Life
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia. ..
After spending a great evening chatting the night
Away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
......
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,
’Are these plates clean?’
His grandfather replied,
"They’re as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
Are you sure these plates are clean?’
Without looking up the old man said,
I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.
Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!’
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.
John yelled and said,
’Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car’.
..
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted.
’COLDWATER,
GO LAY DOWN NOW, YAH HERE ME!!!’
Meet Coldwater...............
..
..Did we mention COLDWATER IS A puppy dog?!
1:31 AM
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Sunday, March 16, 2008
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Joe Smith started the day early
Joe Smith started the day early
having set his
ALARM CLOCK
(MADE IN JAPAN)
for 6am. While his
COFFEEPOT
(MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his
ELECTRIC RAZOR
(MADE IN HONG KONG).
He put on a
DRESS SHIRT
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),
DESIGNER JEANS
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and
TENNIS SHOES
(MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking his breakfast in his new
ELECTRIC SKILLET
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his
CALCULATOR
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his
WATCH
(MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the
RADIO
(MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his
CAR
(MADE IN GERMANY)
filled it with
GAS
(from Saudi Arabia)
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another
discouraging and fruitless day
checking his
COMPUTER
(Made In Malaysia),
Joe decided to relax for a while.
He put on his
SANDALS
(MADE IN BRAZIL)
poured himself a glass of
WINE
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his
TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered
why he can’t find
a good paying job
in AMERICA...
Don’t forget to...
VOTE WISELY!
8:38 PM
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Monday, March 10, 2008
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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
Category: Life
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or
on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
12:14 AM
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Sunday, February 03, 2008
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Download Drugs
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Download Drugs
Upload the strength and courage to walk the paths of consciousness while seeing life's challenges as opportunities for greater wisdom and love. Drugs come in many forms from excessive alcohol, recreational drugs, abuse of pharmaceutical drugs to all belief systems and unexamined programming.
The air we breath (except in certain cities), is the real drug or the breath of life that we all really seek but, too often accept shortcuts. Short cuts never produce winners as always karma follows the unaware who thinks most from the ego mind. Life is perfect in a way as we are where we are mostly because of choices to move in the directions that we ultimately chose as the alternative.
Life is ever moving on and accepting of what we chose with no judgment but for the mind. The mind filled with any drugs is the mind that doesn't reach to the hearts messages. It's always time to download used and negative thoughts into the heart where the feelings even of pain are a natural process of the heart recycling and preparing to cast out the negative. As the heart strengthens, it begins to act as a converter of things the mind releases to in changing sadness to empathy and compassion. Converting angers to self examination and forgiveness. Converting pains to a greater understanding of love and the ability to feel more love. The heart converter performs infinite magic to blessings in disguise, always giving clearer insight to the mind of those that keep it open to awareness.
The open heart is our best friend, that without it, the mind makes what it perceives as logical decisions but with no balance of the inner pearls. The heart is the watchdog for life's values and treasures. The computer has no heart, as do many of those who control the computer language, oblivious to those who follow the path of the heart. Knowledge without joy and feelings is as dry as the deserts. Knowing is much different than knowledge - they certainly can serve each other, but to know is to grow within. All the money in the world, of course, is no substitute for the innocence of knowing and following life's multitude of 'hidden in plain sigh' blessings. Let go and, the heart must not be forgotten as the holder of the secret. The 'breath of life' clears the heart.
Yesss Self Healing Center
Arhataosho@yahoo.com
..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = SKYPE />310 880-2020
Port Townsend, Washington USA
Copyright 2008
4:52 PM
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Monday, January 28, 2008
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Breast Cancer
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
Breast Cancer
Category: Life
Breast Cancer
A favor to ask, it only takes 30 seconds....
Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).
This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors / advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/
11:45 PM
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Saturday, January 12, 2008
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Clueless
Category: News and Politics
Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from
the beginning and when I confront him he denies everything. What's worse
is that everyone knows that he cheats on me! It is so humiliating! Also,
since he lost his job six years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull
with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to
like me and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him! Good grief woman you don't need
him anymore! You're a Senator from New York running for President of the
United States -act like one!
12:35 AM
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A BILLION
Current mood:  thoughtful
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
The next time you hear a politician use the word
'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether
you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but
one advertising agency did a good job of putting
that figure into some perspective in one of its
releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in
the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on
two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20
minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain,
let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what
you can learn with some simple division . .
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently
asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New
Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New
Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get
$516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New
Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets
$2,066,012.
Washington, D.C .. HELLO!!! ... Are all your
calculators broken??
Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.
Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom!'
And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Perm it Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fe e Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and
our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest
middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to
raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English.
I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times
What the heck happened?????
http://www.linkedin.com/in/kurtkelly
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=6068691
1:45 AM
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Monday, December 31, 2007
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Summary for 2007
Category: News and Politics
Dear All
My thanks to all of you who have sent me emails this past year....the following I believe sums them up quite well. .
Thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes, because I now use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (again). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ...
...Or from the Senior Bank Clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7M with me - - if I'll send him a cashier's check for only $500.00 and pretend to be a long, lost relative of a bank customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul. I have THOUSANDS of angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that prayers are answered if I forward e-mail to my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo having a REALLY bad day.
And while it is the official State Beverage of Georgia, I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it removes toilet stains and disintegrates stainless steel nails.
I no longer can buy gas without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5 I found in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a thug waiting underneath my car.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 4 people in the next 7 minutes, a large, white dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 pm TODAY -- and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's b eautician.
By the way.... after a lengthy study, a South African scientist has discovered that people with low IQ's who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Wishing only the very best in 2008! Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Warm Regards,
Kurt Kelly <kurtkelly@gmail.com >
P.O. Box 241971 Los Angeles, CA 90024
TEL 310-925-2709, FAX (610) 885-2709
http://www.myspace.com/kurtkelly
http://www.myspace.com/livevideoincnews
Add Kurt to your address book
5:44 PM
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Saturday, December 01, 2007
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NETWORK
Current mood:  creative
Category: News and Politics
Network, the 1976 film about a fictionalized television network and the drive for ratings, focuses on the newsroom and parallels what seemingly became reality of the era (and is of today) in many ways. Network talks about how violence on television influences our behavior, how network greed, drive for ratings and advertiser pressure influences the programming decisions of news and entertainment. Network portrays why entertainment and sensational violence on television is so popular in the dumbing-down of the news, from informative to entertaining in America. While Network in some ways might have been slightly ahead of it's time; the implied historical, social and political aspects of the movie then and since are very real!
Historically the movie Network implies the purpose and effect of television viewing is to superficially entertain viewers and keep them brain dead while getting huge ratings and making huge profits. Howard Beale, the out-of-control newscaster in Network states, "Television is not the truth. Television is a goddamned amusement park." While it seems fictional, like the movie ending, to have someone shot on television all in the name of money and ratings, in many ways it is not. While we would hope no one has to get shot, the fact is when they do we cover it and cover it big! "Sidney Lumet, who directed Paddy Chayefsky's legendary script, believes that every absurdity, every sacrifice of ethics for the sake of a "50 share" depicted in "Network" has come to pass…" (Sidney Lumet.., n.p.). "If it bleeds, it leads" is so very true newsrooms across America and of shootings like the recent one on the Virginia campus. It not only leads, it leads for days on end with stories that even replay the footage of a madman's rage and self-delusions. This endless sensational press always seems to start a string of other needless shootings like the other ones that followed the campus shootings. The copycats follow, sick individuals are encouraged and the media seems to be leaving the audiences wanting more.
Network was released in an era when television anchormen and journalists were in question for relationships with elected officials after Watergate. Politics became another commodity in the discourse of advertising while White House spin control continued to diminish belief with citizenry in our alleged democratic process. Walter Cronkite stated, "We howled with laughter, rolled over on the floor with the depiction of [TV news]…". However, Cronkite was also concerned that people would think it was the truth about TV news (Sidney Lumet.., n.p.). Network, the era of questioning authority, Viet Nam, downfall of the Soviet Union, propaganda, population control, women's rights, disinformation, fear-mongering, monopoly of capital and media coming out of the Pentagon and Oval Office. "… The State itself was still figuring how to commercially spin-doctor and info-tainment itself, just behind the corporate news organs that were slightly ahead of the curve; afterall, that is their business. NET nails them to the fucking wall!" (Jardine, Network 1976… n.p.)
Socially, like what the fictionalize News Anchor Howard Beale was talking about in the movie Network, we have almost become like mindless zombies programmed by the television we watch. We have become the "instant gratification society" with the explosion of Network cable, satellite, Internet and handheld devices; we expect and demand to be amused and entertained over being informed. Neil Postman echoes the story lines of Network in his book Amusing Ourselves to Death. "Postman was worried that our society, with its constant search for distraction, was losing its ability to question, to wonder, to think, that it was being overwhelmed by images and dazzled by facade. And his main culprit was television. (Leopald, I'm mad as hell'…)".
News is bullshit according to Beale and, in many ways that has become even truer today. Society seems to prefer news that is more cluttered and concerned with car chases and who is being kicked off American Idol than with police brutality and political corruption. According to Ted Koppel former Nightline anchor, "The goal of the traditional broadcast networks now is to identify those segments of the audience considered most desirable by the advertising community and then to cater to them" (Sidney Lumet.., n.p.). Believe it or not, the top consumers of television violence are age 18-34 men, followed by women of the same age. "Advertisers are willing to pay a premium for these viewers; which means programmers face huge incentives to offer violent shows" (Hamilton, Channeling Violence… 3). The fact is, women 18-34 are the most highly valued consumers by many advertisers because of their product purchases, and ironically, their preferences are the driving force for the popularity of violence on television (Hamilton, Channeling Violence…2).
The movie depicts Diana Christiansen as the heartless rating driven Program Development Executive who claims, "News is show business" and is all about the highest possible ratings! When she finds out veteran news anchor Beale is given another chance, it inspires her to push the envelope on sensationalism and violence even further. Diana, "…VP of programming excitedly proposes making a series out of real bank robbery footage (home movies negotiated from a revolutionary group of their own bank robberies - similar to Patty Hearst bank heists of the era) to bring more exploitative, tabloid programming to the financially-losing division…" (Dirks,"Network 1976"). This is true today as we find the best looking people and footage to deliver the stories. The news is clearly designed to entertain us to the point where most people don't even question it; in fact, we quote it and are programmed by it. Viewers seem to thrive on the sensationalistic edge news stories. Since local stations keep all of the profits of these periods, they take extra effort to ensure these prized revenues ("The Ratings Game" n.p.).
When Howard Beale claims television is not the truth, it's a goddamned amusement park, he is right; with 500 channels + it has become the reality of today! Network depicts news as a joke; yet the joke is on us when we watch the latest news about Brittany in/out of rehab, who is the father of Anna Nicole's baby, what Alec Baldwin said to his daughter and the latest in celebrity news gossip. Stories like Janet Janet's exposure at the Super Bowl get over sensationalized, while the shooter at the University in Virginia gets over glorified because we have great footage to get ratings and advertiser profits. Broadcasters are so concerned with delivering audiences to advertisers and are not as concerned about the costs to the public as a whole with increased aggression (Hamilton, Media Violence…3).
From a political standpoint, it is interesting to note that since the release of Network, often during election years, politicians will stand out strongly against sensationalism and violence on television. Yet these same politicians also know that in fact there is little that can be done because of First Amendment rights when it comes to the area of broadcast TV. These political stands promise to clean up television, but are usually vain attempts to get votes, and are known empty promises (Gross 74). More appalling than politicians campaigning and complaining about television are found to be the same people who watch it and are part of it. Take the example of Arizona Senator John McCain. McCain recently lobbied for stronger regulations against the entertainment industry. Then, Senator McCain recently made a cameo appearance in an episode of "24" last season that featured heavy torture. Viewers have more power than they think. Viewers raise the popularity of a show by watching, they also have the power to turn it off (Glenn n.p.).
Politicians know the power of manipulating the public via the illusion of television. The Telecommunications Act of 1996 was allegedly in the public interests of more and better competition in media. Lawmakers knew in advance this was a political lie to the public. The law enabled the big players to become enormously bigger swallowing up all the little players and putting them out virtually out of business or under their control for content. In Network, Beale proclaimed Television is designed to keep people entertained with illusions to garner ratings; it's about big company profits, not the need for truth. Network also portrayed the evangelical executive Arthur Jensen who lectured Beale, "You've meddled with the primal forces of nature...There is no America; there is no democracy. There is only IBM, and ITT, and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today" (NG, n.p.). It's ironic that amusement parks Disney/ABC, Universal/NBC are of a few that controls the "mass madness" Beale talks about seen in the drive for large companies to become even larger in the corporate swallow-up drive for cash. The fact that media companies would twist or even lie about the truth suggested in the movie is not far from the truth.
In conclusion, the debates over television will not be any quicker to resolve than a total rewrite of First Amendment rights. In my opinion, we become products of our media choices. We believe what we watch; forming our opinions based on what television entertainment programs to us and seem to care-less about questioning authority. If more parents would spend time learning to use parental channel blocks and V-Chip technology and rely less on television as a nanny for their young and impressionable, the time spent protesting television might be better used against corruption in government, needless wars, pollution and homelessness. Furthermore, if these shows were so unpopular, television programmers and advertisers would be rapidly seeking new forms of entertainment to invest in that attract the largest audiences available.
Works Cited:
Dirks, Tim. "Network 1976". 1996. Film Site
Gross, Lynne Schafer and Edward John Fink. Telecommunications: Radio, Television, and Movies in the Digital Age." New York: McGraw-Hill, 2006.
Glenn, Malcom A. "Love It, or Leave It Alone." 2 Apr. 2007. n.p.
Hamilton, James T. Channeling Violence: The Economic Market For Violent Television Programming. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2000.
Hamilton, James T. "Media Violence and Public Policy." Television Violence And Public Policy. Ed. James T. Hamilton. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 1998. 1-12.
Jardine, Dan. "Network (1976, USA, Sidney Lumet"). 01 Aug. 2006. Cinemania
Leopald, Todd."'I'm mad as hell' and you know the rest". 23 Feb 2006. CNN
Ng, Greg. "On the Decline of the New Hollywood and the Prescience of Network." 2006. Senses of Cinema
Sidney Lumet remembers 'Network'. 22 Feb. 2006. Associated Press
"The Ratings Game." n.d. n.p.
2:02 AM
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