Weird Dreams
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Friends

Have you ever had a dream where you run into someone you haven't seen for over 4 years?  And you had good reasons why you never talked to them, but in the dream you act as if nothing ever happened? 

I recently had a dream like that, and it centered around a friend I had from elementary school.  I quit talking to him because I found out he had his own agenda, and my friendship really wasn't his priority.  But what is weird is that in my dream he had still done all the things he did in the past, and my psyche in the dream knew that, but had forgiven him so we could play old school nintendo games. 

Is that weird, or am I trying to tell myself something else all together?  Who knows.  But there is one thing that has been on my mind since I have been back from Japan.  That as a nation, and as more than 80% of the people I asked confirmed this with me, that we take things we have for granted.  For example, the computer you are reading this on, have you ever thought what you would do if it just stopped working, and was not able to be fixed?  Or just the minor things around your house that you use to relieve stress or just enjoy?  Or the big thing, the people in your life that mean the most to you.  Sometimes it's easy to say, oh everything will be there tomorrow, and that there is always a tomorrow.  What if that tomorrow didn't come?  I guess what I'm saying, or asking for is that you give an extra hug to those who mean the most to you, and that if  there is something you can do today with that person or group, then seize the day.  Cherish everything you have, everything you have been blessed with, because you just never know what may happen.

Thank you all who have read up to this point, I wish you all the best, and that should be blogging a little more frequent from now on (and no promises, but maybe I'll get out some paper, and write down another poem or two in the near future).  Have a great day.

4:12 AM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Poem turned blog (how did that happen??)
Current mood: peaceful
Category: Life

Embarking through the darkness, life shows no mercy,

Time shows us where we are, and have been,

But not were we are going, and who we will meet and lose,

Though loss can be excruciating, especially to those who can't handle that,

It can also comfort, showing that we have in fact moved on in life,

And to move on is better than therapy, it shows progress

Some of my friends have come and gone in my life,

In fact one happened to come and go in a span of 2 weeks,

But to let go is also a matter of choice as well,

And that is a more difficult choice to make, especially if it hurts you,

But there is only one motto I have always lived by, and will continue to do so,

Always love, no matter who has hurt you, and to show that love.

I believe I have the best fiancé in the world for the fact that I connect with her,

And that a true measure of this shows in the fact that I am content,

Even with my current problems, including my inevitable surgery, she lifts me up,

Everyday that I talk to her, hear her voice on my machine, or even see a message,

I am reminded that for the first time of my life (since my parents), that someone truly believes in me,

With no purpose but to love, and to be loved.

I know what my best friend meant, when he said:

"When you find the right person, you have no doubts, and know that you are right with them",

And I admit, I had to do some serious soul searching over these years, but one fact remains,

I can't imagine my life without my fiancé, and without what we feel for each other.

Why am I sharing this blog with everyone?

Well no real reason, maybe it's a form of acknowledgement, or therapy,

Maybe it's my own form of philosophy, or post meditative thought,

Whatever the reason I feel that I have been blessed, with great friends who have always looked out for my best interest,

And I hope that I am doing the same to them,

And great family, whom I will always look out for, and have been looked after by.

Mainly I wish everyone the happiness that I feel, with someone, or something, that will lift you up,

No matter if you are depressed, sad, angry, or feeling hopeless,

And remember, that no matter if something seems like the worst pain in your life,

Things do have a tendency to work out, even if you never realized that it has.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to look at this,

I'm not sure if I want this to be read due to the personal nature of it, and pretty much my feelings put out over the net,

But I feel that if this can help even one person, maybe one who is feeling down,

Then it was worth it,

And also this is a great way for me to try to catch up, and let everyone know that yes,

I'm still alive, maybe hurting more than I like to admit (physically), but here,

That though work has consumed me now, maybe in the near future I will be with you guys again.

Again thank you for reading this, may you find enlightenment, nirvana, or god bless, I wish everyone peace, happiness, and tranquility.

Sincerely,

Ry

5:18 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

eternal shadows
Current mood: stressed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Across a souless nation, and through a wilderness of despair,
A cry goes into the night, one of longing, and loneliness.
A creature that longs to be free, yet is captured by his own doing
And through frustration and loss, he stalks out in the night.

He is in a battle, yet there is no one around
A fight he is losing, and has no chance of winning
Ripping and tearing away at the creature harming him
But when he sees who it is, he only sees himself.

Struggling to accept loss, his will is straining thin
He refuses to give in, jeopardizing all that he loves
Scratching and gnawing, he stays in his fight
But the ghosts he attacks will never parish

His demons are relentless, and never let up
Howling in pain and frustration, he stays
Reliving that he can not change
He lives in the eternal shadow.

6:58 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

An Honest Proposal
Current mood: awake

The woods have past and a new day dawns
The morning comes, with heavy fog
I see you in the distance,
You are like me, you know of lonliness
You know of loss, you know.....

I can make out your outline
I think I know you, can make you out
But I struggle through the fog to catch up
For you walk, pondering, and moving on
And I know your thinking about.....

Though I call, you do not hear
Its not until you hear the crunch of the leaves
That you turn to see me, and look at me
And I know your pain, I feel your tears
And in this emotion you've touched.....

As the fog lifts, I see the path ahead
It is still ongoing, and full of bumps
Obstacles and landscapes that are near impossible
Impossible for one person to accomplish on there own
But I look at you, and know I want you to have..... my heart.

Walk this path with me,
Everyone thinks we are this close
Why not prove everyone right
And show that we will not be lonely
Or at worst, lonely together.

Currently watching : Battlestar Galactica

3:10 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Walls
Current mood: okay

In a time where life is carefree,
Where children play, and the grass is green
And life seems to have no end
But somewhere along this path we forget what is dearest
And build walls to keep a person from knowing how we feel

A single brick is layed down, because of a rejected friendship
Then another for a crushing heartbreak
And more and more bricks get layed down
More for failing relationships where the lover was deceitful
Another line for friends of deceit

More and more the wall is built, and the less we start to feel
Friends are kept at bay for fear of deceit,
Lovers will never know what we feel for them
And families are torn from conflicts of uncontrolled anger.
The wall has backfired, and wont let anything in.... or out

Life is full of pain and misery,
But is also filled with love and ecstasy
For a person behind the wall all they know is lonliness
But a revolution will one day come, when that person breaks down
And smashes the wall, til they can feel, and they are one with the world.

2:29 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

A deep sorrow
Current mood: sad

As time goes by so do the ones we cherish the most
We lose the ones that were the most precious to us
The ones that were always there to give company
And ones who were great listeners, and knew exactly how you felt

Through changes and struggles, they were always there
Bringing happiness when we felt down
And always sensing our grief
And for that, they will always be loved and remembered

Though this may seem unfair to lose the ones you could confide in
The ones who would brighten your day when you needed it
It is a part of life's plan, and through it we have to overcome
But never forgetting that they walked with us to the very end

May you rest in peace, and suffer no more, you will be loved, and missed

Penelope "Penny" Williams
06/03/92 - 11/18/06

The bestest friend, companion, and dog that anyone could have ever asked for.

4:16 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Fragment
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Writing and Poetry

Through day break I see a new light breaking
Something new has happened, but I'm not sure it's great
A new day has dawned, and I wake up anticipating
But a new sorrow is held before me

I wake up and find rememberance of how I got here
How I have become who I am
But something is wrong with the memory
For now a fragment has disappeared

Life has streams and rivers overflowing
Sometimes the ripples splash out of the groove
For my memory was more like a dam
However the wooden support had weakened
And down came the flood

Regrets are the one thing that I will never experience
Things happen for some reason, good or bad
However decisions is what we are made of
And some are great, others are sad

My fragment may never come back
I may have lost something I can never find
But on this road there is something I believe in
And that is while I may have dropped it
Another can pick it up, and restore it til it shines

3:37 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Shimmering in the light
Current mood: artistic

Standing in the shadow, wondering what tomorrow brings,
I wait watching the sky, longing for the unknown,
For a light to find my way, and the ones I've left behind,
Behind me is the road that led me from despair to here,
In between a choice was made, to go down this path,
Or the one known by so many other's.

Up ahead, is that a light or are my eyes playing tricks on me?
I think back, and wonder how I influenced not only my own life,
But those of who I have cared along my travels,
Where would everyone I have known ended up without me?
Would it be for best or worse, did I use my influence for selfishness?
Did I use it for their needs or mine?  Did I really see that?....

Again up ahead, a light glimpses over the horizon,
I know I saw it that time, my eyes are not deceiving me,
I stare, still in thought, wondering who I loved in my life,
Who has loved me?  We are all used one way or another,
Was I a pawn in someone elses game? did I ever have a pawn?
My mind races, but ahead are the answers, I know,
For up ahead lies...........

As I walk forward the light is not brighter, but is shimmering in the sky,
I look at it in amazement, how do the heaven's dance so??
Are these the souls of the righteous, or a flicker of a moonbeam in the sky?
I look for an answer, but have been patient this long, I walk even closer,
I know I can find what lies ahead, it is there,  it's on the tip of my tongue,
Ahead I see it, it is......

I am under the light, and all these things seem so far away,
Were the questions I've had unimportant, or have they been answered,
I'm not quite sure, but the light dances above shimmering in the sky,
A chill runs down my spine, and I think of my friends,
They have been there, loyal, and I am grateful, for every smile,
For every tear, for every laugh, and the tough times,
No matter how beautiful the light, I will never forget,
I approach the light to find.... the truth.

6:43 AM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Dark Road (poem)
Current mood: crushed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Hopes that are held on to,
And dreams that are shattered,
Lives that are looked forward too,
And promises broken, this all begins with a crossroads.

There are but three roads,
One of happiness, that of the light road,
One of hurt and despair, that of the dark road,
And one that has bridged them into a choatic existence

As a pack travels and, by loss of a weary guide,
They have accidently taken a wrong turn,
Hopes that were held high upon the light road are lost,
Dreams that made one strong are the very things that have weakened them.

As they cross the bridge, they realize with utmost horror,
The road that would bring them to happiness is no where in sight,
But only one road remains in front of them,
They find the dark road is the only thing they can follow

No matter how much assetts they had, they could not pay there way out,
No negotiations would be heard, for the road is dirt, and has no feelings,
The only thing that those travelers could do was venture on,
And though their spirits were broken, they followed this road.

One by one they fell, succumbed to broken spirits, and lack of confidence,
The travelers fell til there was only one, and one alone,
And loneliness had befallen this traveler,
For this traveler had no one to feel the feelings he had, the pain that he felt.

Has all of his travels been for not, had the destination he wanted been a myth?
Would he cross back to the path of the light road, where happiness was bound,
Or would he, with the lack of confidence and dreams, be left out in the cold darkness,
He called upon the spirit to guide him, but the wolf did not howl.

Truely befallen this traveler held on, and traveled the road,
The road of pain, the road of guilt, the road of sorrow,
For he was determined that he was bound for glory,
And sure one day, he too would find the road of light, and maybe even happiness.

Currently watching : South Park - The Complete Seventh Season Release date: 21 March, 2006

4:16 PM - 3 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Against all
Current mood: confused

Have you ever held a friend so close
And thought that they would always be loyal
Only for the to have your friendship froze
Over something that is always so trivial?

I don't understand why you did what you did
I don't understand what you had to do
I don't understand how you went about it
Against all, I don't understand you

Have you ever tried to hang on tight
To someone who always wanted you to hold
Only months later to be out of mind, out of sight
And when you called, you felt like you were out in the cold

I don't understand how to be your friend
I don't understand why you didn't talk
I don't understand how you could let it end
Against all, I don't understand how you could let me walk

Why do some lover's feel they need to abuse
That they say they are yours, but act like a flake
That they need sex from someone, then maybe you
And then wake up with nothing but pain in their wake

I don't understand why you can't love
I don't understand how you get your pain to seal
I don't understand why you need someone to shove
Against all, I don't understand how you must feel

I have lived my life to the very best
And not let people change me around
Some will be with me til I finally rest
While others won't stop til I'm 6 feet under the ground

All the things I have understood
I have been through tests and trials
And god has blessed me with a spirit of good
And against all, To live life with love and smiles

7:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment