Random thoughts i.e. Mind Speak
Category: Life

Ok, ready? Here we go:

* I tend to complain and whine and moan about being lonely and etc., but the past few weeks I realized that there are so many around me who are suffering. I sit here feeling sorry for myself sometimes while all the while others that I know deal with so much more. Sometimes I feel so helpless in trying to unburden them some because there is not much I can do, but I have a willing ear to listen, so I guess thats something.
* My friend I have known since high school is having brain surgery tomorrow (Tuesday) to remove a tumor. Pray for Brandy. The doc gave her good odds, but pray anyway.
* I am still enjoying playing bass, but starting to run into a brick wall learning on my own. I think I need a teacher.
* There are some people who are inherently cruel and almost the embodiment of evil. All you can do is try to stay out of their path because killing them would be  wrong.
* Moving slightly cumbersome furniture objects by yourself can wear you out.
* Hope is eternal; everything lasts only for a season, so be patient and still.
* I really need to go put my clothes in the dryer.
* Is random randomness still random or is it chaos?
* Mountain Dew gives me heartburn but I so love it.
* Darkness is nothing but the absence of light ... even a small candle can shine like a bonfire.
* Next time I get the money I will be getting some new ink. I designed a tattoo to go around my left wrist that is in honor of my niece. Its a star with angel wings, because she is my family's angel and will be a star one day.
* Sometimes a hug or a touch is all you need.
* A ship with a strong anchor won't get blown away in the storm.
* No, I didn't get that off of a fortune cookie.
* My parents are the strongest people I know.

Guess thats all for the mind-yack. Just felt like expunging some of the tornado in my head.

2:05 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

On playing bass and the facets of music
Category: Music

So far in my life I have experienced music 3 ways: As a listener really getting into it and feeling the emotions it evokes, as a novice drummer, self-taught, who can hold a beat but not much other fancy stuff, and behind a mic singing my heart out until my voice cracks, pouring every ounce of energy/emotion into the song. Now I have begun yet another track on my path of the musical experience ... playing bass. And so far, it seems I have an apititude for it. Guess the drumming helped with my rhythm and all. Aint nothing meaner than a smokin bass line.
   So far I can play some songs such as People of the Sun by Rage Against the Machine, working on Suck My Kiss by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wicked Games by HIM, almost got My Hero by Foo Fighters down, and I can even play the bass line to the most infamous of songs Superfreak! lol
   This past weekend I got to jam with a band, and even with me just been playing for a week I did pretty good! Even got a bassline down to one of their original songs. I had a blast and sore fingers after that lol
   Its definately a different experience playing a guitar instrument, its like being accpeted into this whole big brother/sisterhood of guitarists. So far, pretty cool.

3:39 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Does age really matter?
Category: Life

Ever since I came into my 30's, I have warred against my own head about what I should be now that I am 32. But really, is there something I have to be or have or do just because I am in the 3rd decade of life? Perhaps it has been drummed into our heads by parents, family, society itself that by this time you should be married and have kids, a mortgage, etc. etc. but really now.
  Does it bother me that another year brings another step of seperation from the younger generation and the older? Does it bother me that most of my friends are indeed married have either have kids or have them on the way? In fact, yes it does. Which is why I pose this question .... more so to myself than to all of you, what am I supposed to be at 32? The answer to that will have to come from myself, unfortunately.
   To anyone who might be in the same boat with me, I offer to you an excerpt from the poem The Charge of the Light Brigade, "Do not go quietly into that good night; Rage, Rage against the dying of the light!" i.e. don't give up without a fight.

1:03 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Its true, I have become a softball uncle
Category: Life

I have never been big into sports growing up I played a little baseball, in school football, and the like, but it never really stuck. Some people at work are sports fanatics, and thats their bag even though I don't understand it.


I don't have any kids of my own and that is also another realm of understanding, being, mindset, etc. that eludes me, however I try to go to every softball game my niece is in. Some people are soccer moms, softball moms/dads, but I may be the first of my kind ... the softball uncle!! Behold, the tattoo'ed and pierced creature with dyed red hair that slides so deftly from the darkness of his squeaking car to holler and hoot like any other "normal" person for the kid of their bloodline out there on the field in the heat and dust.


Holler I do :) And also fetch gatorade for my lil miss and cheer her on. She tends to strike out, fear of the ball perhaps, but I tell her everytime that she did wonderful. But she is getting so much better. Just tonight she fielded a long hit to left field and launched a rocket to second base, thus assisting in an out. Thats my girl! Takes after her crazy looking uncle, but that 9 year old girl has my heart.

10:57 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

the sameness of night
Category: Writing and Poetry

When the sun starts to grow tiresome of its heated lashings, and the laughter and goodbyes of friends fades into the distance, night comes with its warm shroud but offers nothing but the coolness of the alone.


The resting of the sun used to bring out the happiness, for night has a beauty all its own, but the flower's petals do wilt. The sameness of what is familiar, what is standard, what is habit robs the night of its cool blues and shades, until it is nothing but gray. Passing time like sands through the glass until sleep delivers from the doldrums of what is the sameness of night.

7:13 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

what words can mean and living in the moment
Category: Life

Most of you don't know, but Thursday while my parents were in Jackson because Dad's heart rate shot up *he is fine now by the way* someone tried to break into their house. My grandmother was there alone and was sleeping on the couch. She heard the dogs going nuts and heard glass breaking. By the time she got to the front door, she saw a guy run across the yard and road into the woods. So I am leaving work and mom calls me to get down there and see whats up, because my grandmother is capable of crying wolf just to get attention. Sure enough I get there and the glass in one of the back bedrooms has been shattered, then the sheriff comes to take pictures and statements. I call Mom and tell her that the situation is apparently valid and not the machinations of my crazy grandmother, so she comes home. I put something over the window and move a dresser in front of it. Mom comes home and feels bad for leaving Dad up in Jackson but has to see to this, and after everything calms down we end up on the patio talking about several things, including my relationship to my father and squelching vicious rumors that have circulated throughout the community. I am not privy to disclose those here because they are untrue and do not bear repeating.


Mom is in a candid mood so we talk about the family and all, and I ask her if they are still proud of me, even though I think I am a failure at times. She said they were, its just that I am laid back and don't have much ambition. To make a long story long, she drops a grenade on me by telling me some of my Dad's thoughts on me. Turns out, my Dad thinks that I would be a great father and possibly a great husband. You have to understand that growing up me and him were almost always at odds with each other, and for him to have that kind of confidence in me brought stifled tears to my eyes because I never knew these things. I know that I haven't fulfilled his high expectations of me, but nevertheless with something that means alot to me, having a family, he thinks I would be great at it. You don't know what that means to me. But in thinking about this it brings up another subject.


LIVING IN THE MOMENT: All of us have experienced times that we wished would never end. It could be a great birthday with presents and friends and what not, or even a movie or just time with someone special, but as in all things dealing with chronology the sands whisper away through the hourglass and the moment is over, only to live on in memory. Most of us don't think about treasuring the moment when it is being experienced, only through memory. I'm not saying to live in the past, because the past is gone and can't be resurrected to experience all over again in the physical, but realize when something good is happening and really live in the meantime. Maximize it, drink it all in and don't let a drop fade away. Life is too short for regrets and fear. So I say to you, live in the moment, keep it in memory, but move forward as well because time stands still for no one but God and no telling what could happen next. Life is surely a wonderful gift and mystery given by God ... be sure to live it well.

9:20 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The bad, good, bad and triumphant good Day
Current mood: peaceful
Category: Life

Sometimes you don't feel like getting out of bed. It seems the world itself is out to spoil your day, and Murphy's Law is in full effect. I'm sure everyone has had days like that.


Suffice to say it has not been my week. Things have gone wrong left and right and today would have made a preacher cuss.


The morning began in an ordinary fashion; get up, clean up, get dressed, crank the Sled up, coax it into actually moving, and bound down the road to work. All was normal except when I got into Brookhaven. I passed the awesome Golden China restaurant then I heard and felt "THWOP THWOP THWOP THWOP". My tire had given up the ghost. So riding on my gentile rim, I bumble and tumble at a snail's pace towards some parking lot I could get into and let the beast rest. At a stop sign and older gent was soaking up the morning humidity on his front porch and exclaimed in true Captain Obvious fashion, "Hey there, you got a flat" then proceeded to chuckle. My window was down to let in some form of breeze to cool off my already rising body temperature due to my temper and frustration, so this gentleman took the opportunity to apprise me of my already known situation. I exclaimed, "Thanks" through gritted teeth and resisted the urge to let the bird fly.


With a few colorful metaphors (only human after all) I limped the sled into a nice sized parking lot then proceeded to call someone at work to come pick me up. Would have been on time too. At work the disdain could be read on my face like the oversized print of Reader's Digest and soon word got around the graphics and advertising departments, respectively. The whole time I am trying to keep peace in my mind and rely on God instead of giving in and He sent me some human angels. One of the ladies went to work immeadiately to scour the city for a cheap used tire. One became two, then two became four human angels and she announced to me she found TWO, mounted and balanced for only $18 a piece. Not even in jackson can such a deal be found. Remember it if you lose faith in what God can do and what people who listen to Him are sent to do.Along with them my brother Jason Reeves helped me get the defunct tire off and drove me around and such. There is more to his tale in a bit.


By this time the deed is done and I have two tires with good tread on them. I thank them profusely. I send the one on her way and I proceed to put the tire on using a jack that Marty from work let me use. I pump the handle once then the jack starts shifting and then falls to the wayside while a corner of the car hits the ground. I stand there for a second dumbfounded then place a call to Jason, who shows up with a smaller jack and we eventually get the other, stronger one back under it. So with the help of Jason and the advertising manager, David, and a couple of well placed bricks chocking the front of the car, I finally get the mother on and ratchet it tight. Done deal. Jason and I are covered in dirt and sweat and go back to work.


Now the Sled is mobile again and first of all, I have to thank God who did not forget me in my time of need and provided everything I needed. I also thank my advertising angels immensely, especially a certain one who went above and beyond, Deb. I also thank my brother Jason; without his help I might would have spent even longer out in the sun. What started out bad turned good, then bad ... but in the end good won out :-) What a day.

Currently listening : My Hero By Foo Fighters Release date: 1998-06-30

6:30 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

emotions that come out of nowhere
Category: Life

Emotions are a funny thing. Sometimes they do something you don't expect. I don't know what causes it, but a few times here lately I have really missed my ex-wife. Our marriage was less than perfect, but whose really is? Perfect that is. How can one person cause so much pain but at the same time love you. We had some good times, alot of bad times and I thought the divorce would be the death of me. There is only so hard a heart can be broken, and thank God it wasn't enough to put me under. I don't doubt that she loved me, in her fashion. But I have no idea why I have felt like that a few times here lately. Life is strange.


I wonder sometimes just how much lasting damage/scars I have. I don't trust as easily as before, thats for sure. Guess I won't know the full extent of it until later. Oh well.

10:01 PM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Warning: Rants contained therein
Category: Life

I am sorry for the rant, but I have to get this out. I don't know what is wrong with me lately, but it seems for the past couple of weeks I have really been doubting myself. Alot of the time I feel like a failure.
   The band is growing by leaps and bounds, and I am scared that I don't have what it takes to keep up. I have this fear that my voice isn't good enough. It tends to break up some and it seems after just a few songs it is almost tapped out. I have GOT to quite smoking, but it is really hard. Prayers anyone?
   Perhaps it is spiritual attacks, but I have these fears. It seems lately my self esteem is brittle when it comes to doing something that means so much to me.

6:59 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

He made it!!!!

The surgery, even though the doctor said it was hard and nasty, was a success! All credit goes to God because this was a miracle. The hole in his heart was almost to the size that nothing could be done about it, and the doctor halfway through almost gave up on it because nothing seemed to work, but God urged him to continue and the hole was plugged. ALSO, more glory for God in that Dad's ct scan came back normal, which means no cancer showed up. He will have a detailed PET scan in a couple of months, but this cancer, this evil mean aggressive junk that was never supposed to be cureable or go into remission ... seems to be going into remission! Not because of chemo or my Dad's will to fight, even though they helped, but I and my family believe that it is solely by the power of Christ that this is happening. My Dad is a walking, talking, breathing miracle.

9:10 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment