I'm a man damnit...!
Current mood: bitchy

    Ok. Lately I've been getting more and more pissed off. Awhile back the CD player in my car stopped working, so I had to take it out and put in the factory tape deck that originally came with the car. Which means I've had to listen to a lot of radio. That in itself is enough to make me want to hurt someone. But the commercials… and one kind of commercials in general have been pissing me off and making me think.
    
   The commercials I'm talking about are for Jewelry stores. You know the ones I'm talking about. They say things like "Isn't it time you let her know how much you care about her" or "Let her know you'd marry her all over again" or "Come on guys buy her something expensive." That isn't necessarily what's pissing me off either, though it does and I thank God I have a girlfriend who doesn't wear jewelry at all.
   
   There are other commercials too, for florists and whatnot, that are constantly telling me that as a man I had better be pretty Goddamn appreciative that I have a girlfriend and I better be showering her with gifts every couple of weeks. Because I'm just a worthless piece of shit and by her good grace alone have I been chosen to be her boyfriend.
   
   Don't get me wrong. I love women, and I love my girlfriend, but where are all the ads for women that say things like "show him how much you care about him" or "show him how grateful you are that he puts up with your feminine craziness."

   I'm speaking for all the guys out there, and probably most of them have never even thought about it, because they've been brainwashed into thinking they don't deserve any recognition for being a good boyfriend or husband. And most of the time truth be told we don't care, we're usually secure enough in our relationships to not need constant bribes to keep us around.
   
    I don't want jewelry, I don't like flowers, but all the stores out there need for the sake of sexual equality need to start bugging the shit out of women out there to get us presents all the time. Shit, women have two holidays even! Valentines and fucking sweetest day. Seriously women you do realize that we don't like either of those days, way to much pressure.
   
    Even in television in movies men are portrayed as disgusting clods that need the love of a good woman to clean us up and make us presentable. I want some equal playtime here too. We guys put up with a lot from you women and never get any recognition. We're supposed to put up with your emotional rollercoaster you seem to be constantly on, we're supposed to know how your feeling and to tell you how we're feeling when we really fucking don't want to talk about it. We're told to get in touch with our feminine side constantly, well ladies I think you all need to get in touch with your masculine side, which is every bit as important.
   
    You hear things all the time, like "my girlfriend is a vegetarian so that makes me one too" or at weddings "men if you get in an argument, she's always right." Umm.. What about when she's not? I'm all for compromise, but I'm not going to just give in if she's clearly wrong, nor am I going to stop eating meat just because she watched too many Disney films when she was little and thinks that all the little animals of the world hang out in the forest with one another and go on little adventures together.
   
    Men in this country have taken over the place of children lately, in that we're apparently better seen not heard. We're to be totally subservient and appease her majesty with gifts and offerings, with the off chance she might sleep with us. And if she does its all about her. Which seriously I love taking the time to make sure she's enjoying it, but I do expect a little reciprocation. They're really is a little more to it for us too you know that just intercourse. Well at least some of us, some guys are pretty stupid, I'll admit to that.
   
    This may becoming across as extremely misogynistic but I really don't mean it to be. All I want is for the women out there that wanted equality to give just a little bit back. I know you're thinking that women still get paid less for doing the same jobs and its harder for women to do this or do that in this "mans world" but I look around me and see that women can get away with almost anything they want, and they can make us xy chromosomes do almost anything they want us to do. So I acquiesce to your rule, and all I ask for is not to take your man for granted, most of us are worth a lot more than you give us credit for.

Currently reading : How Few Remain By Harry Turtledove Release date: 29 April, 1998

10:06 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

What the hell?
Current mood: irritated

    So almost three weeks ago I went on Wellbutrin to help me in my quest to quit smoking. The first week went fine, i still smoked the first week, just started smoking less. The second week i cut smoking out all together. Everything was going great, chewing my nicorette a couple times ago and taking two 150 mg of wellbutrin twice a day. Then this wednesday last i was at work for a couple of hours when suddenly my left hand started to hurt, followed shortly after by legs and left foot. I had gone to the gym that afternoon for the first time in a long time and worked out a little harder than i should have and I just figured that I was sore from that.
    The pain in my hand and legs continued to get worse, my left foot started to swell up so much that my foot was almost completely round, i had no arch left. Before i left for home that day my right hand had started to hurt too.
    So when i got home i ran a really hot bath to soak my foot in. Didn't really help any so i tried to go to sleep except that now my hands had started to itch really bad, i mean really bad, everytime i fell asleep i would wake myself up from scratching my hands so hard i nearly drew blood. They also started to swell into gigantic meat paws.
    When i got up that morning after only a couple hours of sleep I decided i needed to go the doctor. I drove up there and they got me in about a half hour later. The doctor asked me what was wrong i showed him my feet and hands he told me I was having an allergic reaction to something, and i could either take a pill for a few days or get a shot one time, I opted for the shot. Course he didn't inform me that shot would be delivered by the hottest nurse i've ever had and that shot had to be given in the butt. I was horribly embarrased but in so much pain i didn't care.
    That night nothing got better, i called into work and languished on the coach, almost unable to walk, and if i did walk it would be at a snails pace. I got a couple hours of sleep but the scratching was getting worse, and then i started to break out all over with a rash, there were several red bumps appearing on my forehead and my shoulders. I decided I should go back to doctor that morning again.
    My brother got out at work at 9 and i had an appointment at 930, so he drove me up there. This doctor was a little more thorough. It seems that the wellbutrin i was taking to help me quit smoking was causing my body to break out in an allergic reaction, that if left unchecked could kill me. I almost ran(or slowly shambled) out the door to by cigarettes at that point. I mean c'mon, the medicine i'm taking to improve my health could kill me faster than cigarettes?
    So the shot did nothing for me, though according to the doctor it should have, so i'm now also on a steroid pill for the next month. I've taken it three times already today and it seems to be working. No bumps on my forehead, my feet and hands are a little swollen still but not hurting as much or itchy at all.
    But now i'm worried, cause i still want to quit smoking but will i be able to do it without the medicine? Can i get on something else? I'm going to keep trying anyway i guess even if all i can take is nicorette.

Currently reading : The Guns of the South By Harry Turtledove Release date: 01 September, 1993

7:16 PM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Day Three....
Current mood: pissed off

    Day Three is almost over. At 930pm, I will have not had a cigarette in 72 hours. An almost herculean feat of will for me. Though I am aided immensely by wellbutrin and nicorette. Still day three is so far the hardest, and i know that it has to get worse before it will get better. I know... but right now... I want to murder the world..

Currently reading : Rendevous with Rama By Arthur C. Clarke

9:14 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Atheists and LochNess Monster believers are stupid...
Current mood: pissed off
Category: Life

    So it's that time of year again, for the annual War on Christmas. Is it Merry Christmas or is it Happy Holidays? Is it a Christmas tree or is it a holiday tree. Well let me just say its Merry Christmas and its a Christmas tree, has been for a very long time. You want to call them something else, go right ahead. i don't care. But the majority of us call them by their traditional names.
    I happen to be a Christian but i have never tried to shove my beliefs down anyone else's throat. Nor do most Christians I know. Now I'm sure theres a whole lot of them that do out there. Whats funny to me is the so called "atheists" out there that, who say they don't want Christian shit shoved on them, always try to shove their beliefs or should i say lack of beliefs. Yet they always attack me if i say anything at all about my beliefs like "I like christian art" for example, and then some people i know will retort out of nowhere, "fuck christians and fuck jesus." Whoa! where did that come from?
    Some weird defense mechanism perhaps, because your life is so empty. And believe me when i'm not saying it has to be jesus. I don't care what you believe in, but to not believe in anything, be it Christ, or Allah, or the teachings of Buddha, hell even the belief in extra dimensional sasquatchs. Whatever. Shit sometimes I'm not even talking to someone, and they'll butt into the conversation i'm having with someone else, claiming I'm offending them with what i'm talking about. Well excuse me. It seems to me that most so called liberal minded people out there are only okay with what they want to talk about, not what other people chose to converse on.
    I believe in almost everything, except of course for a silly dinosaur in loch ness, thats just stupid. So I'm not offended if i hear somebody talk about their disbelief in God or Jesus. The point is, I'M not attacking you. Thats fine you don't but hold back on the aggresion will you. I'm generally quite interested in hearing about other peoples belief. And while I might not hold much stock in a particular viewpoint, its quite okay that you do. I'm not gonna make fun of you cause your deity of choice has like eight arms or something thats fine with me. Mine is a discorporated entity known as "GOD" traditionally viewed as someone vaguely looking like sculptures of socrates or something.
    I'm just confused by all the atheists out there that are instantly filled with rage and the mere mention of God. Just curious if they talk to a Hindu do they fly off the handle when they talk about Vishnu? Or if a buddhist talks to them about mediation do they punch them in the face? Cause if they don't thats a little double standard there.
    I'm aware that Christians have thoughout history given themselves a bad name, culminating in such recent examples as the Phelps family, if you're not aware they're the family that pickets outside soldiers funerals. Christians have and will probably continue to get the whole point of Christianity wrong. But for the most part they try to be good people, at least the ones I know. They're trying and I feel that at least a small percentage are getting maybe just a little bit closer to what Jesus had in mind. Which was as far as I can make out was love everyone, and try not to hurt anyone else. Which as far as i can see even if he wasn't the son of God, thats still a pretty nice philosphy. He taught not to judge others on what they wore, or what kind of music they listen to, which by the way really doesn't matter, its just music. Perhaps thats a little more of a modern interperation but still he'd probably agree.
    I think when I speak to confirmed atheists and they exhibit this unbridled rage at the merest mention of a Christian belief, it hints at their own fears and inablities. I might look at an atheist and feel just a little bit of pity that they have nothing to hold onto when they're alone, nothing to feel thankful for, but i would never attack them verbally for this and shove a nativity scene up their ass. And if you want a "Holiday" tree go grab a cactus or something and start up your own shit. We stole the evergreen tree from the pagans fair and square. If you want to be an atheist thats fine, you should try and not be so angry all the time and try to get the most out of your life as you can. Try to be happy and enjoy all the "big bang" has given you to enjoy. If there is nothing in the afterlife at all, maybe try to be a little more open to everything out there. You've only got the one go at it all, so try and relax and enjoy all the other people out there. Sure you're going to get pissed off at some of them, but so does everyone.
    We Christians for the most part have come a long way from Puritanism, though I know there's a few out there still. I'm not gonna burn you at the stake or anything if your views are different than mine, so stop attacking me with the fervor of a cornered animal. And if you want to discuss your beliefs with me, fine(unless you believe in the Loch ness monster) I'm not gonna scream or curse at you. I'll listen to everything you have to say and maybe i'll learn something new, you should try and extend me the same courtesy. And if you just can't find it in you then shut up and get out of my face.

Currently reading : Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch By Neil Gaiman Release date: 28 November, 2006

10:48 PM - 10 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Damn...
Current mood: discontent

    Damn I'm in a bad mood... Couldn't sleep this morning, then couldn't wake up. Nothing I wanted to get done or needed to get done did in fact get done. I ended up just getting a five dollar pizza and watching some episodes of smallville to try and cheer me up.
    Didn't work. In fact I almost feel worse for some reason. Its a beauttiful chilly fall day and now evening, where you can almost smell the cold. Well I can, just barely because I've had a damn cold all week. I need a drink or two, but I have to go to work in a couple hours.
    Which sucks cause i'm just not making enough money there to cover all the bill's and whatnot. I need to find a part-time job above and beyond the full time one i already have. And anyone who's ever done that knows how fun two jobs at once can be...
    I'm making great headway in paying off all those credit card bills of mine, but damnit just not fast enough. But shit, it's not like I can put any more money towards them. Almost every dime i make as it is goes towards them. I'd like to take back all the stupid shit i used those fucking plastic bastards for. Like paying someone elses rent for them. Yeah i'm sure she'll pay me back one of these days, only been eight years. I was happy to help my friends out but shit i don't even see any of them anymore. But I'm still waiting for a check in the mail from any of them.
    Maybe i'll go pretend to jump off a bridge and some angel who hasn't gotten his wings yet will come down and help me get a big bowl of money. Naaa... Shit VNV nation is so fucking rad...

Currently listening : Futureperfect By VNV Nation Release date: 05 March, 2002

7:38 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Who loves the drunken midget?
Current mood: drunk
Category: Religion and Philosophy

        Answer... Ricky Weed and Lucifer Flower do. Thats who. Not my girlfriend, she had to work. Not my brother who like came out of the same vagina and shit. He's like nowehre to be seen. Not his cat karloff. I left melanie a crazy voicemail. I am drunk and no one loves me but superman. It is 215pm. I need to fuck my girlfriend. Why am i writing this. I'm not even at home. where the fuck are my shoes. Mountain dew is good. Who's pussy was that. Bwana beast is the shit. Superman is cool ecept when cylcops stars witrh him. He is gay. Rick is not gay. Rick is laying in bed with hot hot lucifer flower. And I am smokinmg a cigarette. This mornming was fucked up and I am still paying. Paying what? AMber bock is good. Black people are funny. Them and their kids. Why do black people always go to jail? White people and their faggoty lilly white asses should be in jail. Black people are awesome. They feed me beer. Where is melanie I want to kiss on her something fierce. Oh god melanie...

11:10 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Tuesdays just suck...
Current mood: pissed off

   Okay... I have had this long standing superstition, a personal one, simple but always proven to be true for me. As far as I can tell it began when I was sixteen during my first love. Well more like when my first love ended. On a tuesday natch.
   Little things have plagued me on this accursed day every since. Usually nothing major, minor annoyances. But on the ones destined to be trully bad, I usually wake up with a sense of foreboding. A few years ago, three to be exact, I woke up with that feeling and sure enough less than an hour into work i managed to sever two tendons in my right hand, resulting in surgery and nearly two weeks of recovery and over a month of physical therapy. Yeah Tuesdays...
   So today well yesterday now i guess, I awoke with a similar sense of dread. I felt like while I slept several hours mentally I felt like I had received maybe fifteen minutes of rest. Was kind of grumpy all day for reasons I couldn't name, with my current work schedule I'm never quite sure what day it is. I found out the hard way it was in fact my least favourite of all twenty four hour periods.
  I drove to work through heavy fog, but made it there unharmed. I started my shift at 945 pm and did my usual work. A little after ten, my partner, who does the same job as me came up to me and my boss and informed us that he had just cut his thumb pretty bad on a blade, that is part of our job to insert into three different machines. As he made his way off with my boss to fill out an accident report and to get his hand cleaned up and await a cab to take him to the med center, I began the usual shit talking about how he needed to be more careful and less rushed in his job.
  I walked over to finish setting up the machine he injured himself on. I threw the blade he cut himself on and set it down on this tank. I had to put some waterproof tape on it, part of the job. In the process of that I was talking to a guy explaining what had happened to my partner. I turned around to say something to him and SWIPE!! OW!!
  Tuesday struck in full force. I pulled my arm up to look at my hand saying
 "Oh, fucking great, now I did it!!" As my hand neared my face, a great gout of blood sprayed across my safety glasses and face, i spied the large flap of meat  cut in a neat triangle on my left middle finger. I grabbed it with my other hand and blood ran in great streams down my forearm. I made my way over to my boss, who shook his head at me. I was shaking like crazy, as i have this little thing about seeing that much of my own blood. Sometimes I pass out. That combined with this weird loyalty to my job, mixed with embarassment, i was fit to keel over and die right then.
  My partner was still in the break room with the medic guy and so i was sent in with him and cleanded up as best he could. Shortly we were both escorted into a cab and sent to a nearby med center. I was brought back into a room and cleaned up a little better by a nurse, and then a creepy doctor came in and gave me several extremely painful shots to numb the damaged fingers. Then the stitches began. The ring finger was fine, didn't feel anything. After one stitch in the middle finger, I began to feel something, which I told him. He said some people metabolize the numbing shots rather quickly, to which I replied yeah I'm one of them I guess. I felt every painful poke and pull of the next three stitches. Seven in all four and three in two fingers.
  Then I went back to work and after much hullabaloo I got to go home for the night, which they weren't going to let me at first. They hurt so bad right now. It is now wednesday, but last tuesday made sure it got its licks in just two hours before it was over. If i didn't know any better, I'd swear that a certain day of the week has it out for me. Don't even get me started on the month of september...

Currently reading : BLUEBEARD LTD By Kurt Vonnegut Release date: 01 October, 1987

12:55 AM - 6 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

Ugh..
Current mood: groggy

I am feeling quite rough right now. I am sore right now for no reason that comes to mind. The only thing that i can think of is i played tag with my niece yesterday. I don't get how that game was ever fun.

Last night I got to hang out with a bunch of my friends I don't get to see all that often anymore. My crew from discussions, a coffee shop, I used to hang out at. It was my friend Scotts birthday who is now 23, i've known him since he was 18. I always have a good time hanging out with these guys.. Scott, megan, kallie.. we got pretty loaded. Especially my lady friend. She drank nearly an entire fifth, and is now laying next to me on the couch, feeling very hungover. I feel a little hungover as well, like I do ever sunday.

I'm tired in mind and body and cannot wait till 19 days from now. Which will be my first ever week long vacation from a job. I get from saturday the 13th off to till the 21st off of work. I will be able to relax, do some cleaning and movie watching, and book reading. And maybe some intoxicant imbibing as well. Can barely wait...

Currently reading : Shadow of the Giant (Ender, Book 8) (Ender's Shadow) By Orson Scott Card Release date: 07 March, 2006

4:52 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Tag
Current mood: thirsty

The Game: The first player of this game starts with the "6 weird things/habits about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read yours.

1) I'm actually an extremely smart guy but i say the most godawful dumb things most of which are extremely disgusting.. i can't help it thats just how i roll..

2) Certain materials like paper or suede, anything really soft... I can't stand them touching my hands it makes me feel like i can't breathe.. i don't know why i start to choke a little if i touch them..

3) I love midgets, lesbians and dinosaurs equally but for different reasons

4) If you are a woman and i date you or at least reveal feelings for you as soon as possible you flee the state or the country.. whats up with that?

5) My feet double as an extra set of hands for me, my big toes are almost opposable, i can open doors with them, pick up stuff off the ground and almost legibally write with them. Oh and i can turn my feet nearly backward

6) Nervous people irritate me. Sit still and relax jesus christ. Whatever it is thats stressing you out will still be there later, just chill out and watch a movie or something. I used to deal with stress by getting in my car and go driving around smoking. Now with gas prices i just sit in my room and masturbate..for hours.. till i'm chafed.. and bleeding... i'm kidding of course...

Currently reading : Shadow of the Hegemon By Orson Scott Card Release date: 30 September, 2001

3:17 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Color quiz
Current mood: flirty

Joshua took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Needs release from stress. Longs for peace, tranqu..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Your Existing Situation

Your Restrained Characteristics

Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing him to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective

Your Actual Problem

Currently reading : Ender's Shadow (Ender, Book 5) (Ender's Shadow) By Orson Scott Card Release date: 15 December, 2000

3:32 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment