My Trip
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Travel and Places

As everyone knows I went to Virginia to spent Christmas and New Years with my Honey Bear and our little girl. The flight scared me baddly. Imagine being light headed for 3 hours straight. Yep that was me. I was misrible. Jessie on the other hand was totally excited. She loved watching the ground fall away. I was so proud of her. As we diembarked the crew gushed over how well behaved Jessie had been. After one more flight and one more hour of being dizzy we were finally in Virginia. I know my eyes had to have been bugging out of my head. Here it was December and some of the trees still had their leaves and some buisnesses still had petunias in full bloom. That is just unheard of in Wyoming.

Our reunioun with Dillon was great. I finally got my arms around him after 5 months of being apart. It was a wonderful feeling. jessie didn't want to leave his side. On the days when he went to work Jessie would get mad at me cause her Daddy wasn't there. We only had one disagreement the whole time. Well acctually a couple. The small one was over the fact that I was on vacation and Dillon didn't want me to be cleaning house. Of course I cleaned house. He was working and couldn't really stop me. LOL. The other was over our girl and a punishment that didn't fit the crime. I'm just glad that we worked it out even if we didn't agree. I guess it is all part of being a family. One of the hardest things I had to do was drive away in the rental to head home. I now know some of what Dillon feels every time he had to look in that rear view mirror and see us as he left.

7:56 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

oh WOW
Current mood: giddy
Category: Life

Just recently I was talking with Becky, my Honey Bear's step mom. Some how we got on the subject of how many siblings I have. (3 half brothers and 3 half sisters) and where they all are. I live with my oldest sister, Anne (Love you sis.)  Then there is me (Oldest on my father's side, middle on my Mom's.). Edna, next oldest out of my father's kids, that lives in Idaho. I haven't seen her since the summer of 99. Then there  came James (3rd from father) I have no Idea where he is. I believe Diana is the next oldest (but youngest out of my Mom's 3 girls. She lives here in Casper and has 2 boys. Frankly it is better for my nephews that conact between us is kept to a minimum. Frankly I love her and the boys, but I just want to knock sense into her so I will stay away. Now comes to the other 2 boys, Cordell and Levi. Up until the conversation with Becky I had thought I had only met them once in my life, the day Edna and I graduated. It turns out i was wrong.

    I had worked with 2 guys both of which I swore I had met before and they just happened to be brothers. You guessed it. These 2 had to be my brothers. Unfortunatly I didn't figure this out until they had both left the company. My one link to possibly getting to know my baby brothers was gone because just a day before I had quit that company and now couldn't get their last name.    {Dramatic Music} Just 1 day later I happen to go to Burger King and who should walk in while I am waiting for our order. Cordell. Of course I had to ask who his father was. He gave me a name I did not know then asked, "my step dad's name right." In just those 5 words he had restored hope that the first name had tore from me. Take a wild guess...yes his birth father is the same as mine and he wants to meet his niece. I don't know if him and Levi want to get to know their oldest sis, but hey stranger things have happened. 

11:38 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Why I have been gone (with an update)
Current mood: sad
Category: Romance and Relationships

All I have ever wanted in life is a happy family. The man I love and the daughter that we have together and me. I put my little girl's happiness before mine. I have cancelled dates and changed work sceduals just so I could do things for her. She comes first and formost in my life.

Second was her dad. When he came home for leave I always made sure that I got time off to spend with him. Well this time around I was only going to get 2 days with him. 2 whole days of family time. How would you feel if knowing that your time together would be short he decides that he just has to plan time with his buddies on those nights. Well that is what happened. His first night home and he is going to one of two friends home. Just so you know they don't really care for me due to "D"s and my first fight. (One fight mind you) I knew some of my friends were going out so decided why not he is going to "J1"s. I got dressed up and ready to go As I'm walking out the door "D" calls I'm at my parents now come over. ok I just went straight there didn't even change clothes. D and jessie were watching her movie. That is fine even if it is past her bedtime. They are spending time together. I put her to sleep as soon as the movie was over and looked over to see the man of my dreams snoring away. I had 14 hrs of sleep in the previous week and should not have been alive due to the type of work I do...a Truck driver. But I was too excited because D was coming home. And he falls asleep. I walked over and gave him a kiss and walked out the door. To me it appeared he needed his friends and sleep more then he needed me. 2 words would have ended the pain right then "please stay" instead he decided I just waned to go out.

For at least 2 days after I cried at the drop of a pin. I have gotten it under control and now every song on the radio reminds me of him. I cry in my sleep everynight because we are apart. The first word we have spoken in these last 2 weeks have been ones of hurt. He won't see me to talk about our daughter because he is angry because I walked out. I'm not mad I feel like I have been beat up from the inside with no way to defend myself. He doesn't realize how much I need him esspecially right now when I have a crazy man following me home from work every night. I'm not weak but I'm scared and the only place I was never scared was in his arms.  His strength got me through alot of bad things. When I was side swiped by a scraper on a job site he was the first person I called because he is one of the few in this world that can calm my nerves.

I love him beyond reason and it is tearing me up inside. Right now the only thing tha is keeping me sane is our daughter. I guess I will keep pretending to be happy for her because I can't bear to have her ask me "what's wrong mama". How do you explain to a 5 year old that your heart is broken and that their daddy did it..... you don't.

UPDATE: We talked the day I originally posted this. We were both hurting in the last week. He didn't understand why I walked out and I didn't understand how he could choose his friends over jess and I. We agreeed that we were misriable and to start over. Unfortunatly we have lost so much time and he had to leave yesterday so he could go see his mom and sister. I miss him, but I no longer feel as though half of me is dead.

2:59 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

work and the crap that happens
Current mood: crappy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Sorry about this having taken so long, but yet again work has taken over my life for the last week. I have found that even though I worked at least 15 hour over time each week I have only been paid for 12 most weeks. Also I made some mistakes and now it looks like the job will have to be chalked up to experience.

I ran my route differently the last weekend due to the Memorial Day holiday and the fact that hospitals need their items no matter what. I actually ended up directly dealing with customers for a change. Well after that I had 3 days off to have my sleep cycle go to hell. By Wednesday morning I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and did not wake until just hours before work. By last night I was back to being good. Or so I thought…I guess I was more tired then I thought and ended up forgetting a bag of paperwork at one of the stops. This is the 3^rd time I have had this happen. The last time I just calmly drove in my car to the depot and retrieved the bag. That just didn't work out today. I was unable to leave until almost noon and only made it 28 miles out of town before my new car (I'll explain about the new car thing tomorrow.) blew a seal and my BIL's cousin had to come tow me back to town. Then I arrive at work to load my truck to find that the crew that unloaded it managed to break the lift and that it is in the shop being fixed and will not be ready until Sunday. As I was standing there getting info on when I will be able to load for that run a call came in for the boss about a guy that he had talked to about running the shuttle and an interview. I am the shuttle person yet it seems they are hiring someone else to do my run. The office staff didn't even try to keep me from hearing what the message was about. So much for actually starting to enjoy my job. I figure they will have me run it for the next week before I receive my walking papers so that I can train my replacement. Makes me feel lousy. So I am going to go to bed because starting Monday I begin looking for a new job yet again. And I would like to look at least human instead of like a zombie.

1:53 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

ADVENTURES IN THE NEW JOB prt 2
Current mood: okay
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

My second week at the new job, I began a shuttle run all by myself. The truck is a 2003 sterling straight delivery truck. It looks just like this…

Currently listening : Infinity on High By Fall Out Boy Release date: 06 February, 2007

12:01 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Adventures in the new job part 1
Current mood: good
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Ok just before Easter I got a new job. I was moving back to my hometown, Casper. I was so excited. Well the first week was exhausting. I spent three days training to be a sales rep with… "P". The guy has way too much energy. He should try out for the Olympics as a sprinter. He is also an amazing sales man. If we had a mat that went with the whole burning theme he could probably sell it to Satan himself. I really learned a lot. On Friday "D" my boss pulled me to the side. They needed someone to take the North shuttle route and if I wanted it, it was mine. I took the route. The bad thing was that I would learn it on my own because the guy that would have trained me was needed in the plant. That ended up being a good thing too. Come to find out Sam had a thing for me. A scary thing…. the man began stalking me after we had a couple of beers one weekend. Every day I had an average of 15 calls when I wasn't at work and 10 when I was. I was pretty creeped out. Then Sam was asking me to move in. And he was way too interested in my baby girl.  You see when I date I do not introduce her to them until it has been at least 6 months and things are still going good. I also do not introduce the rest of my family right of either. He wanted to meet them now not later. I was about to quit my job. I feared coming in from my route at 3:30 am. Then my truck broke down in Sheridan. It wasn't fixed for a week and it would take 2 people to get it, one to drive it and the other to return the truck I had been using to Casper. Imagine my dismay when I'm told who my copilot was… Sam. I held my tongue and we managed to get to Sheridan with no incident. While we were off loading though he trapped me in the truck. I managed to get away. I held him off by saying hey we are at work and I want to get home before 6. I feel incredibly lucky that all he did was kiss me. And I had made up my mind to report him for harassment. I didn't have to. God was smiling down on me. For some reason Sam had quit. Yeah my job is physically tiring and my coworkers drive me nuts but I would rather have a job set up before quitting. I think "D" knew something was happening because he apologized to me for having sent Sam. Only twice since then have I seen the man. Both times I have been in a public place. The second time he followed me to where I was staying and tried to talk to me when Pooch, my sister's pit bull, started growling. I have never been so grateful that she has that dog. I calmly walked over and hugged the big goofy thing as Sam sped away. I know there are other ways to handle crazy men but for me at the time. I handled it the way that wouldn't harm my career and get me labeled as a troublemaker.

This is getting kind of long so I'll save other adventures in being a shuttle driver for other days.

Love Lynn

7:00 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The dress and what really happened
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

 Ok my sis choose a dress and we decided to buy my dress locally because my little sis is now in the wedding and can not affors the shipping costs. I have never been so insulted in my life. I arrived in jeans, a tshirt, my sandles and a baseball cap. the people that arrived before me were seated and given a warm welcome. All I recieved was a snotty, " What can  I get for you?" and a dirty look. Remember I am a big girl. The woman told us that they didn't carry Alfred Angelo in their store. (Common in Casper this was the 3rd store we had looked in and the only one that could think of where to order a plus sized dress.) So we sat down to look at books. The lady found one in the WRONG COLORS and basically told my sister that was her only choice. Wrong move my sister looked at her and told her find something in her colors or this commision was off. Well we found something in a style that would look great...........only to find that a 3xl was the eqivaalent of a size 14.  When did a size 14 become the standard 3xl? Last I knew a 3XL was around a size 24/26. The reason I know is that that is the size that I wear. Have for a couple of years now. Even if it is alot looser now then it was the first time. What are these disigners trying to do?  I felt like even if I have lost weight it wasn't enough to be pretty for my sister's wedding. These designers don't reaize that they can acctually cause a big girl to become depressed. I had trouble keeping myself from crying.and making a scene. My sister was ready to walk out when the woman handed us a very plain ballgown in Fushia (not a good color for me) and asked me to try it on. I was soo disappointed that I did. It fit but was the only one that came in black that would fit me and my budgit. I had no choice in the one dress I will buy that will have to be wore for both my sisters' weddings and for the formal affair that I attend once a year. My older sis was almost in tears because I was treated so shabbily and she wanted me to wear something really pretty for once. Last time she got married I wore a horrible dress that made me look pregnant though I wasn't.

When I the lady was ordering the dress in the black she looked at me and said, "well we HAVE to have 25% now" and looked me up and down as though I was a bug that couldn't possibly have that amount of money. When I told her I wanted to pay for it all at once her chin hit the ground. She also tried to sell me a more expensive dress that looked just the same as the one I was ordering. I paid for my dress and walked out. I keep wondering what will happen when and if I ever get married. How ugly will the dresses that fit me look then.  

When we do pictures I will post some so you can see the dress I am wearing.

Currently watching : The Last Unicorn Release date: 16 March, 2004

6:16 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

URGHHHHHHHH
Current mood: aggravated
Category: MySpace

OK Myspace what the hell is wrong. I'm trying to delete pictures of the asshole that used me for 4 years and you just won't let me. Damn it's bad enough that i have to look at these reminders of my stupidity everytime I go into my daughter's room, but I really would rather not have everyone else look at our "couple" pic and think ohh what a cute couple any time they look at my pics. all I want to do is put him out of my mind for awhile, but he stares at me every time I goto add a new picture.

6:49 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Endings
Current mood: depressed
Category: Romance and Relationships

I absolutly hate this day. This is the second time I have been dumped by a man i love on the "most" romantic day of the year. I'm through with men. I just dedicated my last four years to a man who did not appriciate it. We fought once in all the time I have known him. What sucks the most is that he still thought we could be friends with benifits. It kills me. The only person I have ever loved more is our daughter. I feel as though my world has fallen apart. I feel stupid for being faithful to a man who used me for his own pleasure. I guess it made it convinent when he came home that I would be there with open arms. TG we never managed to concieve again. I would have ended up raising 2 insteed of just 1 on my own. I don't think I could handle it. At least I now know how he truelly feels for me.

Currently watching : Cinderella III - A Twist in Time Release date: 06 February, 2007

10:23 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

My space and Bridesmaid dresses
Current mood: okay
Category: Angry at Myspace Fashion, Style, Shopping

Well because Myspace screwed up and ate the 2nd blog twice  I have to cut the voting short. my mom has the Pictures of the other dresses and she is at work. Unfortunatly I  have alot to do  I'm going to be gone from Thursday til Monday afternoon. I have to go see my sis to help make wedding plans.  I will be sure to let you know Which dress she choose for me.

THANK YOU ALL THAT VOTED

Here are the top 5 that you choose...

 This stunning number from Alfred Angelo.Tied with

 both from the same designer and with the same # of Votes

 Anouther from Alfred. He has wonderful style

 Alfred again it must be the classic lines with new twists that he uses

 This one is by a company called Brides Online They have some of the most reasonable prices out on the market today

(you want to know a secret???? all these dresses are $158 or less)

Just for fun here is my favorite flowergirl dress

1:54 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment