eat

i eat way too fast.
i swallow my food within moments of it entering my mouth.
which i why i consume so MUCH food.
jesus, why is it so hard to slow down?
hmmm, maybe i should look into this.

LINE 1: it pulls me in
LINE 2: i take it.
LINE 3: i want more
LINE 4: I'm sickened by the sight of it, i've had too much. way too soon.
LINE 5: repeat.

7:51 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

aw suckie
Current mood: fuck it. make art.

maybe i'll break hearts and be as fast as you.
twine.
twang.
push it. i said do it NOW.
ok, please?

1:58 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

simple wanting
Current mood: guess

sex makes it work.
we can go there.
but is it alright?

head on me, head on you. take them off, what do we have now? hmm, this may work. it did for barbie and ken as a child. headless was cool.

kinnie starr. we can go there.

BOTTOM LINE: canada brings it all back. puts it in. My city awaits, but just outskirts for the most. miss her, miss her sweet back, arching with tire. sweet crawling to pillow, soft grunting.
push that wheelbarrow, you'll get there, the bounty will dump and overflow soon. my sweet sweet dear.

1:53 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

me, you, me . it.
Current mood: creep, damien rice version

never good enough? is that it? Is that fucking IT?
can't make family.
can't make it good.
can't be patient.
can't. just can't.
don't understand the block. sometimes the road clears, dust settles into my pores, feels good, feels grounded. earthy.
then it comes. takes all of the hers away from me, takes me. pushing. pulling. popsicles are never there, ice cream disallowed, laughter jarring. hurts.
fuck.
family, mustn't know how to keep it. feel it out, push it in and out in that certain way that hits the spot. fucking my own self is the only way. fucking. just all, just IT...must be your own only true knowledge. seems empty. maybe it isn't ...maybe that is the cosmic joke. I miss.
BOTTOM LINE: thine own truth may be found in that annoying mouse button on the new laptop. brian eno's "paintings" may be all that makes sense. take me back to the precious sanitized previous. take me back to red and white. skin. take me to where it was sweet, smiles with no teeth permeated all.
scream out. install art. take it in, i want you to. take it with me.

1:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

white rabbit

jefferson airplane....
'go ask alice, when she's 10 feet tall..."
tell them a hooka smoking character, has given you the call... And you just had some kind of mushroom....(yell this part) GO ASK ALICE, I THINK SHE'LL KNOW....AND THE RED QUEEN IS ALL IN HER HEAD. FEED YOUR HEAD!!
god damn, doesn't get much more brilliant than that....at least not today.
So, i am so serious here:
that song charges me up incredibly. stirs the constant feeling of other-ness, other-land ness that I love...stirs the groovy part of my longlasting soul. nice.

Then this song came on:
"it's too late to apologize, I said it's too late to apologize"...
hmm, the white rabbit that is shauna marie is sitting, hunched in the purple corner smiling about this line, this line RIGHT now that is. eyes darting around, kinda like the old cartoon "Dr Katz", but less scary and more fun.
BOTTOM LINE:
it is here, you have taken all you need, do not be greedy, it is useless. you possibly have been scraping up a bark-bare tree anyhow....really, now.
My tum tum hurts.
But i still can't wait to eat asian food tonight.

12:41 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

soooooo, california

i know it'll KILL me to be in SF again, meaning in a good way to Kill me...
i know i will see marci and leah again and imagine they were the peeps I had coffee with on a random tuesday.
alas, they are not.
alas, SF is not my home.
not right now.
It is truly difficult as the person I am, to covet. I covet SF. I want it. I want it to take me in, I want to live in and all over it.
Why such draw? i don't belive it is mainly a 'real' thing....I feel deeply that somewhere it is a 'need' that I may never fill. that sucks.
that is embarassing, that makes me feel like i have a TON of 'work' to do on myself...
alas, i suppose i do.
At least I like my car, my dogs, my cat, my wifey, my little kiddo, my precious mother, my screams, my dreams, my business, my skin, my butt.
alas. alas. alas.

9:37 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

it is amazing
Current mood: annoyed

    to realize the flimsiness of relationships, of people in general.
in ones self it is hard enough, but you breathe your own breath, understand your own chaos somehow...but it is truly a human limitation that I have---to really be OK with seeing the flimsiness in others...in being compassionate when they drop you like a hot potato for something that probably has NOTHING to do with you in the first place.
All i feel right now is:
OUCH.
fucking OUCH.

9:34 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

i am awake

and you are asleep.

you do not keep me safe.

my care and love is not important to you. you sit on a tower, overlooking the wreckage with ease. overlooking the wreckage with feined inspiration, the city is empy, a small creature boxes up old wreckage to keep in square boxes to build a new city, it is sweet, meaningless. pointless. it is you. me. us. this. the world.

you do not keep me safe. even the cat is not safe. you do not keep me safe. you do not care for anything but you, you do not care for you.

you do not keep me safe. you tell us we will be ok. but we are not ok. i am not ok. you are not ok. we are not ok. kasha is not ok.

in the long run, i am 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, who the fuck knows. you do not keep me safe.

BOTTOM LINE: I am not keeping me safe.

i am pissed as fucking hell.

do not respond to me. all is the same.

8:45 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

and I

Lay by the ocean making love to her, with visions clear,
walk for days with no one near....
Damn...I wish i was your lover..

visions clear.
ease your pain. free your mind.

...and she thought they'd not air her art because she says "damn"....
lovely miss.

7:01 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

it was hot, disturbing slightly, fun and made me want to tell

but i did not.

but i could have...i mean no harm right? preserving an ace in the hole of sorts? hmmm, that is one way to look upon it. another is to assume healthy fantasy, ---to assume health, i like that.  it was disturbing only because of her absence. my absolute presence with her was immediate, so real, but removal from reality was also the case. odd, she was so wanting, but not as much as she was in real life...this time it was me.....

why did i wish to tell her about my thoughts? either her? weird.

then it made me want to move to san francisco...not that i've ever stopped wanting

6:03 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment