10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes, in my 'need to know' pose, just outside of Area 51 Contemplating the whole 'chosen people' thingy when a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my Birkenstocks, and me yelping...'
i don't know why i did that but.. oh well , if you know the song title speak up chump.
ok, i know some of you haven't appreciated the hiatus but it was necessary so... *generic insult*. don't worry though, i will continue to provide your filthy brains with the weekly dose of that precious vitamin d(egenerate). and to make up for time lost i scooped a chunk out of the archive almost 100 pictures in volume (not necessarily a good thing).
these haven't been planned and have no specific order so will most likely be sprinkled with 'suprises'.
goatboy likes surprises.
have fun
==================================================== because nobody else would.
take these with you to your local meat market and you'll have the secret special upper hand with the ladies... guaranteed.
now i really want to know why dammit
i knew it all along
one of the conveniences of a digital camera
i don't care if it's lame, i had a good guffaw at this
it's definitely not too soon but still, what the fuck is with this guy being here?
buy one of these and you'll be doing your part in 'educating' the world
that's the first thing i would have thought of if i was trying to sell records but then again i'm not much of an advertising fucker
i hate it when street fixtures try and penetrate you, damn lazy council
no seriously, give me this... excluding the hobo
well fuck, here's a massive chunk of buttersafe that's built up:
clowns: an integral part of growing up
i don't like either but hey, it's a good point
seems there's a theme with asian comics
i knew this guy wasn't just a squishy sac of goo
oh great, here comes a large portion of crazyshit pics.. strap on, or in.. or however that goes
good idea but the smell of old beer might attract some characters you don't want in your house
i can't get enough of meatsuit guy
took me a sec.. then a twinge of pain went down my pants
all hail the wang? what's going on here?
same as two above but opposite side of the pants
i have fun imagining the sound here.. *fooonk!*
be careful what you wish for
george clinton is losing his shit
awesome but who could be fucked.. i'm glad someone could be
fucking why do people feel the need to blame all of there problems on the wang?
just a really damn big cat guy
a good support argument for the rental screening process
someone had to do it
some people are suggesting that asia might be the new germany ....... hmmm
nothing gets your attention quicker than good old poo art
to some it's just a friendly looking cutout ... otherwise, no worries. i hope someone actually does make this. send me a photo if you do
nothing funny here, just looks like fun is all
who doesn't like a a good bansky
fair enough but where's the after shot
ahh the good old surprised crowd shot
would this still be under the category of furries?
real.. but it's just candy
aheh, just like that movie 'college'
beep a horn?
i'd like to say i'd do it but i would most likely curl up and cry
mmm.. what?
if this fad with the tapes comes here i'll have to move to a cave somewhere
more proof that clowns are not cool...
great relationship advice
4chan? disturbing
looks fake, hope it is
sometimes the simpler the funnier .. or maybe thats just me
creepy
old'n but a good'n
can't stop staring at this one
holy shit.. that scared me for a second there
haha! go on i dare you
i guess the middle bench must be just right
proof that global warming is gonna fuck us
umm.. annonimity scares me sometimes
i don't know about the whole internet superhero thing but it is a great story
random t!me blog IX
Current mood: disorientated
Category: disorientated Automotive
fuck yes! you wanna know why i'm excited? too bad if you don't cos i'm telling you anyway... finally, i get to use X's in the title! who doesn't love a good Xing? plus 9 is my lucky number.
hey, i'm allowed to over-react sometimes.. if i don't let it out the fluid in my weather predicting patella leaks and gains pressure.. andyou don't want to know what that means
ohyeah.. there is an extra amount of shit you dont want to see in thisone.. i don't know why or where it came from but it's there so there'syour NSFW warning.
see how nice i am .. i even warned you this time
================================================
the creepiest guitar since the giant cock bass with pubes
you might say he's a wuss but the fist time i saw one of those i wimpered too... and i'm an ultra mega tough guy
even if it is bigoted at least you can laugh at extremist propoganda ..i'm sure all gay people die too, it's a fact you know.. dick hafer toldme
form an orderly queue ladies.. hey, i said orderly
disregard whatefer it says underneath, it's just a great picture
i want this crazy rope guy in my front yard, or he would make an effective scarecrow
i know it's happened to you as well
ha! look at the chump
some handy advice about cigarettes
that wily old archie.. language has changed just a little since the 50s
it's always entaining when a government fucks with people for fun
of course they can
hmm.. what is that doing here? oh well
if emo is my asshole i am definitely eating more mexican
doulble butter this week
what the hell is all this stuff? good point though
that is my kind of shindig
even more beautiful than the swimmers in action
everyone needs love
this goes in my list of greatest pictures ever
that's how you sell a car 'proper good'
denial is unhealthy, tom.
you can't prove it didn't happen
there's no way it wouldn't work, that shit is powerful
pretty much the way it happened for me
aheh, he was in time with the song before, go on.. you know you wanna see it
some bad joke about evolution?? this should really be in the caption section, i am not qualified for this caliber of picture
what the fuck, it's another one of those bastards.. but this ones fake, why would you wanna fake being a eunich?
col. sanders: confusing young boys everywhere since 19-diggity-4
once you pop.. etc.
and i vet he's google-ing 'boobies' too.. idiot.
and here i was thinking star wars was over rated the whole time.. who looks like an idiot now?
yep.. i found yet another wang guitar
makes the earlier one not so unbelievable
goldfinger. that is all.
hah heh.. that's rude
that's a rhetorical question.. of course i do
these people made those jumpers out of thier dogs.... no shit
cat with 4 ears, looks kinda cool
hahaha when it pops they'll all be touching.. that's what you get
is the guy on the left an amputee or just a degenerate?
good thing my favorite colours are white and red..(not really, shhh)
'hopscotch to oblivion'
i don't like the way that eye is looking at me
oh god damn it why did i save that one? if thats real i'm becoming a bhuddist
if you didn't notice the only reason you have to watch for bikes isbecause the sign that says so is in the bike lane.... great job
ever even seen those two words together?
i think this flow chart has it pretty spot on.. bad things on the right..
hey i think i had the same curriculum in school
what a bastard you would have to be to stand around taking photos while he gets a bottle to the brain
wait, what?
some guy invented concrete that lets light through.. but why?
a very disturbing childrens book
this guys last wish was to be standing during his wake.. for three days
apparently he gets a bit of attention
don't be so crude it's a flower
one of the more effective wrestling moves
more olympic fun
handy, discreet and even pocket sized!
vagina stationary for the student that wants to impress
i wonder what she was hoping for, she looks dissapointed
she's already said it all.. well done
i think this is more disturbing than any of the previous pics
=============================================
video intermission
'the craziest animation using childrens reading primers you'll see all year'
well... this is the third time i'm trying to post this abrasive pieceof shit so if it actually works i might just feel inclined to add ashitload of junk
this will definitely come in handy when i go to germany
i wonder if the photographer felt that a photo for an appendage was a raw deal too?
i guess i'll have to switch to budwieser now
just jimi made outta words, there's heaps of them
the best way to ruin a photo is to not know your doing it
deliberate but still creepy
holy shit a shark car.. where the fuck did that come from?
this casper is an even friendlier ghost
those darn pesky laxative tantrums
a bunch of naked people being an eye
at least he tried.. i think
but how would the 'rusians' get the tanks across that massive blue thing?
it may be lame but it's still true
so that's where he got his idea
i would like to say if you think this looks good i hate you but there'sprobably some dark part of the day when i would devour it like it wasmade of baby
mmm... when?
trend setters are bold but you just wait, evryone will be doing it
murder joke or ass joke? i think it depends who you are
if i don't get some of these i might die
don't get too intrigued.. its a really shitty hand flipping you off
that's proper talent
anyone? please?
are they the ones jerking or do they want to catch you jerking?
me in the shower.. and yes, i have four feet.. what of it?
another one... fuck that's even creepier
no need for translations with the good old man on man congratulations erotica display
ken finally grew something.. wrong thing but still, good on him
this makes me a little disappointed in hello kitty, that's far too racy for a cat
ther's no need for the marker, of course i am
you guessed it chump
14 years, too soon? nah..
i wonder what this guy is selling
maybe it's just an innocent sign from the chocolate factory? brownsburg is an awesome name for a town either way
hold on.... what?
why no one tells the rest of the joke
yes! extreme segway
but he didn't even need help ruining this one.. oh well makes for a good'n
you would think it common practise to check ones hair for a giant family of beavers before attending the annual box social
think this rick astley shit will get old? me too
yeah, some douche made a nike shoeburger... hey, at least i get to say shoeburger
i don't know why but this sean connery picture freaks me out
some nazi freaks did this during the war.. it's still there and you can only see it during autumn .. cool but it could have been something better like'fuck you green trees' or something
you may laugh now but there was a time when happy pants filled your world with joy
holy fucking shit it's old saline balls.. run!
sorry i had one of my tic's this should make up for it
ok here's the deal, as most of you know before all this random time bullshit i used to actually write things here, you know.. using words.. and junk. see now that's talent
anyway the point is that as a result of the whole no random time last week thing and feeling the need to write something but also the feeling of laziness i decided to go back about a year and pick one that was conveniently .. uh.. already written.
so if you don't have either a problem with nearsightedness or a severely debilitating spinal condition.. sit back, relax, make a smacking sound with your mouth and have a good old fashion read.. it's not too long, i promise
on the other hand if you have already read this one you should do the same, except lean back a little further until you fall, then get up and go do something cool kids do.. like skylarkery or that wretched hop-scotch
anyway
enjoy
=================================================
Monday, August 13, 2007
....
..
..
sex in reverse - the whole story. Current mood:still breaking shit Category: Romance and Relationships
..
Ican see you there, average joe mc peterson... sitting on your comfysortino ikea armchair after another long day grinding your genitals onthat trusty old grindstone , wrapped cosily in your swell cable knitsweater and extra comfy pre creased chino's smacking your lips aroundthe old falcon droopy before unfastening your belt and satisfyinglyexhaling that rich port enhanced smokey aroma in little rings, that'sright.. i know about you. Hey don't get up.. no need for slippers justyet cranky pants, i'm not here selling anything.. just saying i knowand it's ok, i'm not here to judge...... just sit back and let it allout..
oknow, i'm going in.. let's hear what joe, being the face representing alarge quantity of middle class, middle aged men ... has to say
Joe: first of all, who the devil are you and what in the sake of fuck are you doing in my house?
Me:i am just your friendly neighbourhood alphajerk and you, boy howdyyou've got a lot of shit to dump on me tonight buddy. I have beenwatching you joe, and i know all about your little journals andpictures and network research.
J:i knew i should have closed the damn window.. fuck, here we go againwith the blackmail. keep it under societies rugs, keep it out the newspapers i know the drill
M:No that's not it at all, i'm here because this needs to be released soyou can feel free, free like a dove joe, like a dove... after you letit off your chest you could even play tennis, go swimming or perhapsdare i say it, ride a bike... that's how free you'll be joe.
J:really? is this some sort of scam.. because the last guy that triedthat ended up getting cheese outlawed in five states and we've only gotseven...
M: no scam joe, let it out.
J: well ok, if you say so.. i'm a little shaky, where should i start? is that thing even on?
M:uhyes, it's not like i'm gonna go home and just make you say whatever ilike when i forget what you really said cos i didn't tape it.. jeez. start wherever you feel comfortable.
J:Well i'll start at the start part i guess.. umm, the urges startedcoming on in small waves one day when i was 30 something, and at thetime although i was always thinking of my then wife janet when theycame.. the urges and the thoughts of my wife just didn't connect to me,i thought someone was drugging me or something. Wasn'ttill a couple years later that i started to realise what the urgeswhere all about, me and janet where very adamant in routine about oursex life and managed a healthy five times a week for three yearsrunning, and shit was she a go'er.. we practised the wheelbarrowreligiously.. not to mention the grasshopper and the reverse cowboy,she even did this thing with her feet.. damned if ever see anybody elsedo th......
M: ahhh, the point, joe?
J:oh yeah, right.. uhh during these sessions of boning i slowly starteddrifting, i mean janets vagina looked good, then it looked reallygood... then it was too good.. i mean so good that i wanted it, but notsexually, i wanted it to be part of me, i wanted to be a woman.
iwasn't rising to the occasion anymore and i knew it'd only be a matterof hours before it would become an issue with janet, i tried makingexcuses for a while.. you know like i ate the bad fish or what not butit never sat right with janet and eventually i buckled and confessed..instant reaction i got was suprise of course, and she tried to staywith me, she stuck around for about a month i think it was before shefound my collection of toys... that was the last straw for her and nextthing i know she was telling people all sorts of crazy lies as excuseslike i joined australia post and it drove me to go postal on a localdairy farm.. shit like that, people just thought i was plain strange.
M: see, it feels good talking about it doesn't it joe.. now can you tell me about the surgery? J: Umm, ok well if your sure then..
M: C'mon joe, they already know the gist of whats happening in your pants.. spill it.
J:Ok, well the labia majora is literally made from scrotal skin flaps,the vestibule of the vulva is made from some parts they took fromaround my urethra and my vaginal introitis was made from a combinationof my perineal flap and two sliding distal penile flaps.. and best ofall my vagina, or neovagina as i like to say was also made from scrotalskin, ooh and some from my belly.. but damn tooting if it aintsensitive.. (disturbing giggle)
M: sorry, just stepped out for a smoke .. can you fill me in again?
J: oh, it's all good your tape device got it all i think.
M: good then, so i gather you've just described the opperation which flowered the beautiful young woman i see here today?
J: well thank you, but no, i'm not a woman anymore.
M:hang on just a second here joe, rewind just a little.. i came here toexpose you as a woman and your telling me theres no vagina in thosesnug fitting pants of yours?
J: ok? i thought you where watching me and you knew everything.
M: i just said that for effect, really i'm just bored.. but please, explain
J:hmm, i don't like your cander mr. jerk, frankly your gumtion surprisesme, although you have sat through this much and i am very lonely.
M: it's ok joe, i have a myspace, i'll totally put this up as a blog.
J:well ok then, well after my grs (genital reassignment surgery) i went alittle nutty, after all it was a six month process and i was getting alittle pantsy if you catch my drift, i went out drinking, alot, man iwas a girl in a candy shop.. some crazy things happened and one day isaid to myself 'enough is enough joeline' and simply booked myreassignment. theworst thing about it was growing those sac's of skin that they attachunder your arms , you'd think i was a godddamn jigsaw puzzle.
M: umm, fair enough.. can you elaborate at least a little on these 'crazy things'?
J: well, ok.. if it's for a blog like you say. onenight i was at the local speakeasy rejecting guys and what not,although i had obviously come to terms with my need to be a woman ihadn't really thought about getting laid as one.. but anyway, i washalfway through my umpteenth pink flirtini when i almost inhaled thatlittle paper umbrella, damn those things are pointy on the old sinus..it was janet, and she seemed to be the only woman in group of men notshy of at least ten.. it took me a camping five to get my shit togetherand approach her but i slinked my ass over there eventually, to mysurprise janet was more than happy to yak it up with herex-husband/man. a polite conversation became innapropriate, a drinkbecame six and buts turned to whens so before you knew it we where inthe back of a taxi canoodling like nothing else. wecame to janets house, which was formerly my own and she did a swiftb-line for the bedroom.. i meandered in after her scratching my nogginand being generally confused with the whole situation, i gathered janetknew i was a woman now.. 'i had no idea you where gay janet, i thoughtyou where just playing aronud back there' i said. she says 'tryanything once, after all i was married to you', at that point shedropped her pants.
nowi'm not saying i'm gay or anything but when your really bored or drunkor whatever there is some strange thoughts that cross your mind, atthis point i had so many things going through my head.. the main onebeing what the damn hell ass would it be like to fuck someone from theexact opposite perspective, (i.e. being a woman who was once a man) ...i came to the conclusion that despite my sexual orientation this wassomething i had to do for the team.
soky in hand i grabbed at janets member and prepared myself like nofluffer ever could, i won't go into too much detail but like i said,damn it's sensitive.. we did our whole position catalogue with theroles reversed.
itwas the very next morning i realised i had achieved everything i wantedto do as the opposite gender and it was time to become a man onceagain, simply to brag.. problem is, no one wants to listen.. but atleast you came to hear my story out.........
(sound of crickets)
where did you go?
jerk?
damn..
not again. ---------------------------------------------------------------
filth, pure filth...
your sick for reading this far.
if you where to swap genitals with your partner, would you do it?
