2008
Current mood: determined

Well goodbye 2007, hello 2008!!!

All I'm saying is this - I intend to do a lot this year, and I'm going to do it all I tell you. You can either join in, or get out of the way. That's the way it is really.

Love you all xxxxxxxxxxxx

(Except the ones I hate. You know who you are.)

10:32 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Xmas Recipe

For this winter warmer you will need the following:

Someone's house, preferably in an urban location with many pubs/ bars nearby.

Yourself and at least three good friends. You and your friends will ideally be a bunch of alchohol/ drug dependant borderline psychotic sexual deviants. If your friends are all in prison then seek the nearest Conservative Party Headquarters.

A safe place to leave your car (If you have one) for at least 24 hrs.

3 x 1ltr bottles of Whiskey/ Bourbon. 2 x 1ltr bottles of Vodka. 1 x 1ltr bottle of Gin. 1 x 1ltr bottle of Tequila. All the spirits must be of the highest available quality.

1 case of Bacardi Breezers.

1 case of J20.

? x ? Beers.

100 x Marlboro lights

Finally some imported "secret ingredients"…


Firstly you should convene with your friends at the above urban location. Proceed to consume as many different things from the above list as you see fit. If any of your friends are fool enough not to drink at this stage then jettison the contents of 3 or 4 bottles of J20 out of the windows of the property (Ideally onto the heads of any passers by). The contents should then be replaced with Bacardi Breezer, and the spiked bottles given to the unsuspecting "abstaining" friend.

After 2 – 3 hours of marinating in the above fashion, if you are able to do so, proceed to the nearest pub/ bar. From here there is usually no set order of events. You may decide to stay at this new location, or you may visit several other premises whilst you are all still able to walk and/ or see. At any point the group may become split up. This may be for several reasons, and you must be prepared for the possibility that you will not see members of your group ever again. Below are listed the most common causes of this event;

Sudden onset of vomiting.

Sudden loss of conciousness.

Simply being asked to leave by a senior member of staff/ doorman.

Amniesia/ Total confusion.

Unexpected sexual encounters.

Accidental Injury. This may be minor, or it may be serious. In this instance the victim and the least intoxicated group member will most likely have to go to the nearest Emergency Department. This may involve a ride in an ambulance, depending upon the severity of the injury.

Pointless arguments, which may very well lead to the below.

The sudden and sporadic outbreak of violence which can occur for any infinite number of reasons, of which there are too many to even attempt to list.

Death, for which again there exist too many possible reasons for me to even begin listing. The occurrence of this event is rare, but not impossible.

Of course, if you really know what you're doing all of the above can occur without even leaving the original residential property, and this approach often leads to the best results.

At any rate, after several hours in the melting pot the result of the recipe should be as follows;

Possession of little/ no money.

At least one member of the group should be bleeding.

More than one member of the group should have vomited, but one particularly badly. Preferably this member of the group should have mild alcohol poisoning and have to spend at least one day in bed with a bucket.

Members of the group should have been kicking/ hitting/ biting one another purely for fun at some point in the evening.

Some kind of random sexual exposure. Usually this is best kept amongst friends. If you should choose to expose yourself to a total stranger try to keep it brief and limited to boobs or butts. More serious sexual exposures involving strangers have been known to lead to arrest/ assault.

Every member of the group should have some kind of injury that they do not remember sustaining.

There should be half a kebab strewn across the living room, that no-one remembers buying.

Finally, before departing to their individual homes to recover, all of the surviving group members should solemnly promise that they will attempt to recreate the above debacle approximately one week later in order to celebrate New Year's Eve.

7:26 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Fun And Laughs
Current mood: creative

I had fun today. Fun And Laughs.

x x x x

1:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Check out this event: Satan’s Circus of Hell

Hosted By: Doc of Rock
When: 27 Oct 2007, 19:30
Where: The Guinea Butt
Calverley Road
Tunbridge Wells, TN12QZ
United Kingdom
Description:
Doc of Rock

Click Here To View Event

3:07 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Hugh Wright

Wax on.
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Plus 180 kilos of cheese.

11:46 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Letter to Osama Bin Laden
Current mood: mischievous

Dear Osama,

This being the 6th year since you attacked the World Trade Centre I thought I'd write you a little letter.

You really are a jamrag aren't you? I mean you make all these videos (which from the look of it are all shot on hi 8 or vhs-c,  never heard of digital, no?) in which we assume you're threatening us "Decadent Westerners" again, but dude, here's the thing, whatever the fuck language you're talking in - we don't get it! You could be saying that you think that Thomas the Tank Engine is better than Budgie the Little Helicopter, or you could be saying you wanna fuck your own mother in the ass, we just don't know! (Your own Mother Osama - that's just sick!)

And look at your style. Or lack of it. Robes went out in the Middle Ages, trust me, and with that beard and those sandals you look positively Biblical dude!! Seriously man, get yourself down the mall, get in Gap - they've got an awsome end of season clear out this year. Actually, if you like robes, maybe you should try cross-dressing. I think maybe a maxi dress would suit you. I saw a nice one in New Look the other day.

Obviously if you're gonna get English lessons, a digital camera and a new wardrobe you're gonna need a job. I haven't seen your cv so I can't possibly comment on what your O level grades are or what you're qualified to do apart from hide in caves and eat dust, but you could always apply for a job at McDonald's. They're always taking on new staff (I can't imagine why) and the pay rates are most competitive.

But if after all my advice you're still spoiling for a bit of a scrap, then come down to Ol Sunny Tunny. We'll go one on one, and I will win. Once you've been trounced by a man in a dress, you'll be finished, you hear me? Finished the world over.

Yours Faithfully,

Mad Larry Super Tranny

 (The worst enemy you never knew you had.)

7:31 AM - 5 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Competition

There seems to be a competition goin on with the Tunny Wells schoolgirls.

It seems as tho they're tryin to see how short they can get their skirts without actually showin their lil nik-niks.

Who's judging this contest? Is there room for one more on the panel?

8:59 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Comment about my video work to any of my "critics"
Current mood: creative

If people don't like what I do they can suck a fart out of my ass then go see if they can do better, or do anything else apart from fornicate + shit, and I bet they can't even do that properly.

9:47 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

x Brighton Pride x
Current mood: accomplished

Was the most amazing and liberating experience of my life so far.

Yesterday I finally saw a side of Brighton that so far I'd only ever heard about, and I loved it, and even more, I loved being a part of it.

This truly is the New Me.

x

5:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Horrid Pasta Meal
Current mood: nauseated

I am eating a horrid pasta meal from Tesco.

It is horrid.

'Tis "Chargrill Chicken and Bacon." The chicken isn't chargrilled, and there's hardly any bacon in it.

Best avoided I think.

8:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment