Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 22
Sign: Aquarius
City: Port Hueneme
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date:
03/05/05
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
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Say something to me...
Current mood:  annoyed
Category: Romance and Relationships
Just fucking say it...
8:32 AM
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
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Fuck That Shit. Fuck That Shit. Fuck That Shit... etc.
Current mood:  understimulated
Category: Writing and Poetry
At night he stares into the sky
Blocking out the rays of light
That blind him from knowing why
He can't decipher wrong from right
Still they pierce the depths of his mind
Spiraling in and moving time
Moments that he can't rewind
Tangled in an annihilating rhyme.......
Once apon a distant time
These eyes of his clearly defined
The immenent reprocussions of his viscious crimes.
Now common sense is rare to find.
copyright
4:33 PM
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Sunday, July 13, 2008
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T.V. Babies (Say No To Attention Deficit Disorder)
Current mood:  excited
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Minds that travel in one direction,
The last identical to the first
And every other in between.
Observing information both true and false,
Accepting both as reality.
Cos' it's easy.
No thought required...
It's really a shame...
Nothing but blank fields... mowed away knowledge.
Spaces wasted with anothers ideas.
Unoriginal clones flocking to a beat they couldn't create.
Bred to follow... stuck in a coma of sugar coated crap.
Zombies that feed on empty fact,
Then pass on the diseased knowledge they refuse to check.
They infect our society and lower our standards.
Dead behind the eyes... TV BABIES.... :P
12:08 PM
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VEAL
Current mood:  indignant
Category: Food and Restaurants
VEAL
By: Serena
Decorated death.
The colors run together,
a mottled mess
of reds and yellows.
Dead flesh.
Kill to feed.
Eat to live.
Hope it forgives...
copyright writers cafe'.org
11:50 AM
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Tuesday, April 01, 2008
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I dreamt Casper the manic depressive ghost was stalking me....
Current mood:  confused
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
That creepy little shit....
1. Dreaming of a haunted house indicates that guilt from the past is holding you back from accomplishing something you really want. Actually seeing a ghost, however, is an omen of good luck.
Sweet... i like good luck...
Although... it wasn’t a haunted house... it was a college. They insisted there wasn’t enough room in the dorms for me and a few kids... if we wanted to stay in school, we had to sleep in the basement dorms.... which were haunted as hell because of some massive murders that had taken place. It looked like something out of Silent Hill (the video game, not that gay movie that everyone insists was "so good"). Moldy walls with veins and AIDS looking shit all over. It was gnarly. Trust. 
It was really creepy. The headmaster threw some girl in one of the rooms screaming (which was pretty harsh) lol, then she showed me to my room and i saw a face in the glass window of the room. Creepy as hell... then she opened the door and Casper popped out looking all depressed and stupid.  <<< Like that... killed my fear pretty quick.
He followed me around for the entire dream too... dick.
Ever have one of those zombie dreams, where you’re walking along. And then you think.... this is the kind of dream where a zombie usually shows up... and then a few do? (probably because you thought them into your dream). Well, i’d rather have one of those... because as horrifying as one of those dreams are, you can always dream in your closest friends and some sweet weapons and go on a massive zombie slaying escapade. 
There’s nothing gayer then being stalked by a manic depressive spirit who wants to be your friend. That... if not eternal obliviousness.... would be hell, im sure. 
Then for some reason i ended up at Olives and I WASN’T DRINKING!!  Thank "god" i guess... i always get into trouble when im drunk in public... anyway
1. Seeing a bar, denotes activity in communities, quick uplifting of fortunes, and the consummation of illicit desires.
Hopefully... this refers to the trip i’ll be taking to ny in a few days. I could use some ’illegal’ activities and partying to brighten my mood. I’ve been extra salty and difficult lately. 
Anyway... That’s it, i guess.
3:35 AM
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Tuesday, March 25, 2008
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I Despise the Swissman Leonidas
Current mood:  bitchy
Category: Life
This is from an application on facebook called iThink. For those who you who don’t know what it is, it’s an application where you post opinions and other people can comment on them and where you can comment on other’s opinions too. This is the result of one of my opinions...
My opinion was:
As much as we dislike the US government, without it this country would become a disaster
The response i got from Leonidas was:
I guess you are talking about The country, The U.S. of A. right? Well read the news, your country is a disaster...to the rest of the world..........idiot!
Sweet huh? I figured since he’s from a different country, and by the tone of the response i recieved that he either a) didn’t speak english very well or b) was uneducated. So I responded with:
I’m sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else. I don’t run America. I respect your opinion. The US is a disaster, to everyone here and to the world. I’m ashamed to live in such a manipulative destructive country. But, if you’re going to call me an IDIOT for living here then you’re too close minded for my taste and this should be our last interaction with one another. have a little respect... or don’t. If you don’t like what you hear. Don’t comment. Your irreverent comments aren’t necessary. I do read the newspaper, it’s a load of sugared up crap for the most part... i prefer to do my own research.
Much obliged.
I figured after hearing that, he’d realize i wasn’t a shithead or whatever and maybe he’d apologize for the misunderstanding or SOMETHING. NO! That Swiss, Gayer then a Rainbow with an Asshole, basatrd, LEONIDAS responded with so much stupid... and this:
You will do what ? ping me to death. Get a grip. Also, you insulted the first place. Once you do (insult), be ready to accept. As far as about your country...well it is your responsibility also. Sorry but you get a vote and a voice.
Even after sending this annoying rubbish to me, i
wanted to keep a polite tone with him... because the site is meant for polite conversation. Of course with opinionated there’s going to be disagreements. But this guy is a fuck. He has all these opinions about fanatics... i have to wonder if realizes that he’s acting like one. So i decided to tell him.... and hopefully piss him off :) . So i said :
Are you finished?
What did i start?
My opinion was: As much as we dislike the Government, without it this country would become a disaster.
Simple, innocent.
Then you called me an idiot. Give me a break. FANATIC.
In fact...our feelings on the matter are similar. We both disagree with the way things are run by the US. HOWEVER, they are an untouchable system. 1 vote isn’t going to change that.
...fanatic.
I wonder if i got my point across... i can’t wait to see what he has to say next :)
4:19 AM
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Tuesday, March 04, 2008
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Nostradamus Loves Me
Current mood:  eccentric
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Serena Arsha Shradnick Sex F
New York, NY 36 United States 02/05/1986 16:18 - Julian day 2446467.39
Adjust 5.00 ST 1.25 Lat 40.43 Long 74.00
Birth Chart
This birth chart shows the positions of the planets of Serena Arsha Shradnick
The planets in the signs
The position of the planets in the signs of the Zodiac has an influence on the character of the individual and these influences form a large part of the individual psyche.
Sun in Aquarius
She is independent, autonomous, emancipated and has progressive ideas.
Weaknesses: an unusual, rebellious and revolutionary spirit.
Moon in Capricorn
Fearful, taciturn, reserved. Attracted to politics. Has few friends because of reserved nature. Success comes by means of other people, who recognize her qualities.
Weaknesses: material worries, savings, restrictions. Does not get carried away by love.
Mercury in Aquarius
Likes everything that is new and original: is an innovator. Values her independence and liberty of action greatly. She initiates projects, she is individualistic, idealistic and humanitarian. Likes intellectual discussions.
Weaknesses: argumentative, bickering and eccentric.
Venus in Aquarius
She likes flowery language: she is very sensitive and detests anything vulgar. She appreciates independence in love, but idealizes and embellishes it. She likes to please and will do whatever is necessary for this. While always being frank, she is not always faithful.
Weaknesses: she is unfaithful, because she likes above all to please and will follow through to the end of any adventure that arises. Does not like barriers, likes liberty of action and does not like to account to anyone.
Mars in Sagittarius
Fights against principles, society or a philosophy. Reasoning, ability to explain things, logic and debate.
Weaknesses: she goes to excess in the battle against moral or other principles. Has a somewhat revolutionary spirit, is intrepid but presumptuous.
Jupiter in Aquarius
Ambivalent feelings, generous, philanthropic. She is tolerant and indulgent.
Weaknesses: an idealist prone to rebel or revolt.
Saturn in Sagittarius
She has her own way of thinking about a subject, she has her own ideas about things. She respects society and its rules guide her conduct.
Weaknesses: hard, unforgiving, rigorous, insensitive and sometimes inhuman. A limited and narrow mind.
Uranus in Sagittarius
She is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.
Neptune in Capricorn
She is discerning, wise and sensible.
Pluto in Scorpio
Great sexual activity.
Sign and ascendant
Aquarius ascendant Leo
The planets in the houses
The planetary positions in the houses express the facts relative to destiny.
Sun in VII
Marriage or living together with someone of superior intelligence.
Moon in VI
Will never be a leader, but succeeds in being the right-hand of an important person. In most cases, she is an employee, worker etc. She likes the country, respects Nature and likes animals.
Mercury in VII
Hates being alone. She has lots of friends, likes to discuss and similarly has a lot of work friends. Likes to write.
Venus in VII
Her fate depends a lot on marriage. Marries for love, children, happy emotional life.
Mars in V
Spontaneous nature. She likes games, sometimes even violent sports. She takes professional risks. A great worker, she likes everything that can be done quickly, and detests things that hang around for a long time. It is the same for her emotional life: no candy-floss or fine speeches, she gets directly to the point.
Jupiter in VIII
She is interested in the occult. She can work in a field associated with death e.g. as a funeral director. Marriage can help financially, the spouse having money.
Saturn in V
She likes method, calculation, concentration. She is not drawn towards amusements, or pleasure in general. She has few friends, but has deep and sincere feelings. She is serious in everything.
Uranus in V
She is independent, likes even dubious distractions. Her amorous adventures are not only numerous but also very complicated, otherwise they hold no charm.
Neptune in VI
She is more prone than most to the bad influence of alcohol, medicines and drugs. To be avoided at all costs.
The houses in the signs
Ascendant in Leo
Sign of good health, vitality. Certain of success, either in sport, the Arts or something else. Very full emotional life.
House II in Leo
Financial success will be very easy thanks to the support of influential people.
Tendency to spend more than what is earned.
House III in Virgo
She pulls everything to pieces, analyzes, critizes. Doesn't take on anything without examining the pro's and the con's. She is very careful, sometimes to a manic extent, taking everything into account even to the slightest detail.
House IV in Libra
The simple life, the small home isn't for her. If the job doesn't pay well or she doesn't marry well financially speaking, she will probably be unhappy. Likes luxury goods to make life comfortable, going out, cocktail parties. Goes round only with refined people, perhaps sometimes a little too affected, and with good jobs.
House V in Scorpio
Gets blinded by and drunk with love: everything revolves around her love. Her passions are angry, exclusive and domestic quarrels are in prospect as a result. Fertile love life.
House VI in Capricorn
Works hard, unceasingly and patiently. Weak point: the cold, changes in temperature.
House VII in Aquarius
A slightly hasty marriage. The relationship between man-and-wife will be very friendly and full of understanding. Both will love their independence, their freedom of action. If one refuses to give this to the other while insisting on it for himself, then a divorce will ensue.
House VIII in Aquarius
An unexpected inheritance.
House IX in Pisces
Likes sea cruises. Sometimes has brilliant ideas that come from nowhere.
House X in Aries
All the leadership qualities are there: authority, energy, initiative, leadership, lots of gung-ho and of course intelligence.
House XI in Taurus
Likes to be surrounded by frank and good-hearted friends. These friendships don't stand on ceremony. Carries out everything she undertakes surely, composedly, calmly until successful.
House XII in Cancer
Problems will only come from the family.
Interplanetary aspects
The interplanetary aspects have a strong influence on the character and disposition of the individual and, consequently, on her destiny.
The conjunction aspect is variable and depends above all on the nature of the conjoint planets.
567 Conjunction Mercury - Venus
She looks on the bright side of life: she is gay, agreeable, optimistic, sociable. She likes to speak and write, and does both with charm and artistry. Her intellectual pleasures are influenced by her feelings. She is amorous and sensual. She likes beauty, the Arts but also travelling.
323 Conjunction Sun - Mercury
She is intelligent and knows what she wants. Is a good organizer, she likes moving, travel. She likes literature.
294 Conjunction Moon - Neptune
279 Conjunction Sun - Venus
She is gay, sociable, welcoming. She is a lover, and has many affairs: she is seduced by beauty and charm. She likes the Arts and social life.
213 Conjunction Venus - Jupiter
She is good-hearted, generous and has a good character. She likes well-being, comfort, a life without problems. She has good relations with her circle. She is easy to approach. All the same, she falls in love easily. She has a successful married and professional life.
203 Conjunction Mercury - Jupiter
She is intelligent, has big ideas: she is tolerant and has a strong sense of justice. She has good judgement, good sense and has her feet on the ground. She has the "gift of the gab", and likes to speak, she also likes literature. She is erudite and will normally be successful socially.
180 Sextile Venus - Uranus
independent in love. Her love life is rich, but with passing love affairs. She tires quickly and is scared of losing her liberty. If she marries, she will regret it. She has that little something that attracts the opposite sex: she likes amorous adventures, she is romantic. She is the eternal lover and, of course, is unfaithful if she has a serious relationship. She likes art, anything new.
167 Sextile Mercury - Uranus
She is perspicacious, ingenious: she binds intelligence and originality together with genius. She likes literature, especially fiction. She is spontaneous in her friendships and knows how to take advantage of the situations that arise.
102 Sextile Moon - Pluto
She wavers between a rich and successful love life and social success. She has difficulty in succeeding in both. Almost always, the choice comes down on an ideal emotional life.
93 Sextile Sun - Midheaven
She knows what she wants on the professional level, is aware of her objectives and does everything to achieve them, she will carry out plans to the very end. She has a good job as well as a good reputation.
70 Sextile Mercury - Midheaven
She likes to have her own ideas about things, to form an opinion and think over the problems it poses. She is an intellectual.
59 Trine Mars - Ascendant
46 Conjunction Mars - Saturn
She is energetic and determined. She has strength and resistance, ability and patience: she is tough, and sometimes insensitive, and puts all her energy and talents into overcoming all the obstacles to her success. She is obstinate, calculating, does not take on anything without having thought of all the possible consequences, she can take all the time in the world and never loses patience to achieve her objectives. She is not particularly popular in her circle, but is feared and respected.
42 Sextile Venus - Midheaven
She has good taste, has an affectionate nature, her love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. Her friends are useful in furthering her career.
34 Sextile Neptune - Pluto
18 Trine Uranus - Midheaven
She must have a job that allows her complete freedom, something non-routine. She likes change, has a lot of energy and knows how to influence others in spite of her originality.
13 Conjunction Sun - Jupiter
She has high social ambitions, respects justice and the law. She is tolerant, optimistic, kindly. She has every chance for professional success in a strictly legal setting.
10 Trine Saturn - Ascendant
She is serious, sober, thoughtful, pays attention to detail. She likes to be with older people.
-6 Square Mars - Jupiter
She refuses to accept any guidance. She lacks forethought, acts impulsively and sometimes imprudently, which can cause problems. She wants everything yesterday and uses whatever means necessary to achieve her objectives, even if they are dishonest or not very commendable. Her emotional life is fraught with quarrels and sometimes violent conflicts.
-2 Square Pluto - Ascendant
She imposes her will by force, violence.
2:40 AM
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Tuesday, January 29, 2008
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The Enlightened Ones
Current mood:  blah
Category: Writing and Poetry
Sailing along to track 6,
Laughing at my regrets…
Denial is so bold,
And meant for those
who desire to grow old before there time.
Me, I'm an eternal child…
Like a storm, I'll fall and grow then disappear…
Those who stop to take life in will know I was there.
Every oblivious fool unaware of the beauty of that which has passed.
I refuse to be the fool which does not let that beauty shine in…
I'll let it overtake me… I'll breathe it in… then i'll pass it on.
A recent breath of sweet sun opened my eyes…
A young rock which I assumed could not be moved…
Crumbled in my fleshy tips…
My eyes fooled… again?
No.
This time, it brought me a feeling of power.
Strange…
Momentarily I stopped searching.
I fell back on my path,
and found a years worth of lucky breaks.
All in one place?
but i've been here a thousand times…
Oh well…
Time to sail… for a while.
I've found comfort in what I've learned,
in what I think I know.
This is the time of rest…
Where all I've gathered is strained through my mind,
Sorted out facts and fictions…
The trials will begin soon enough.
My skin will grow anxious and long for the stir of discovery again...
In time, there will be another me,
A thousand of you's, and countless they's, thems, and there's.
But only one feeling…. One that truely matters.
The stretch of the spirit,
The yawn of enlightenment.
The overwhelming glory of sharing the peace I've found in knowledge,
with those who care to listen.
I will continue to infect the fools with the reality they refuse to acknowledge.
Clarity can be so intense, after all...
copyright
writerscafe.org
12:33 PM
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Wednesday, December 05, 2007
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They suffered so we could wear micro minis and whore it up? Educate yourselves prosti-tots!
Current mood:  aggravated
Category: Life
Timeline of Woman Suffrage
Key events in the struggle for women's suffrage in America. Also see the state-by-state timeline and the international timeline.
1837: Young teacher Susan B. Anthony asked for equal pay for women teachers.
July 14, 1848: call to a woman's rights convention appeared in a Seneca County, New York, newspaper.
July 19-20, 1848: Woman's Rights Convention held in Seneca Falls, New York.
October, 1850: first National Woman's Rights Convention was held in Worcester, Massachusetts.
1851: Sojourner Truth defends woman's rights and "Negroes' rights" at a women's convention in Akron, Ohio.
1855: Lucy Stone and Henry Blackwell married in a ceremony renouncing the legal authority of a husband over a wife, and Stone kept her last name.
January 8, 1868: first issue of The Revolution appeared.
1868: New England Woman Suffrage Association founded to focus on woman suffrage; dissolves in a split in just another year.
1869: National Woman Suffrage Association founded primarily by Susan B.
December 10, 1869: Wyoming territory passed a law permitting women to vote.
1872: Republican Party platform included a reference to woman suffrage.
1872: Campaign was initiated by Susan B. Anthony to encourage women to register to vote and then vote, using the Fourteenth Amendment as justification.
November 5, 1872: Susan B. Anthony and others attempted to vote; some, including Anthony, are arrested.
June 1873: Susan B. Anthony was tried for "illegally" voting.
January 10, 1878: The "Anthony Amendment" to extend the vote to women was introduced into the United States Congress.
1878: First Senate committee hearing on the Anthony Amendment.
1880: Lucretia Mott died.
1887: Three volumes of a history of the woman suffrage effort were published, written primarily by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, and Mathilda Jocelyn Gage.
1890: American Woman Suffrage Association and National Woman Suffrage Association merge into the National American Woman Suffrage Association.
1893: Colorado passed a referendum giving women the vote.
1893: Lucy Stone died.
January 25, 1887: The United States Senate voted on woman suffrage for the first time -- and also for the last time in 25 years.
1896: Utah and Idaho passed woman suffrage laws.
1900: Carrie Chapman Catt became president of the National American Woman Suffrage Association.
1902: Elizabeth Cady Stanton died.
1904: Anna Howard Shaw became president of the National American Woman Suffrage Association.
1906: Susan B. Anthony died.
1910: Washington State established woman suffrage.
May 4, 1912: Women marched up Fifth Avenue in New York City, demanding the vote.
May 4, 1913: About 5,000 paraded for woman suffrage up Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, DC.
1913: Women in Illinois were given the vote in most elections -- the first state East of the Mississippi to pass a woman suffrage law.
1913: Alice Paul formed the Congressional Union for Woman Suffrage, first within the National American Woman Suffrage Association.
1914: The Congressional Union split from the National American Woman Suffrage Association.
1915: Carrie Chapman Catt elected to presidency of the National American Woman Suffrage Association.
1916: The Congressional Union recreated itself as the National Woman's Party.
1917: National American Woman Suffrage Association officers meet with President Wilson. (photo)
1917: National Woman's Party began picketing the White House.
June 1917: Arrests began of pickets at the White House.
1917: Montana elected Jeannette Rankin to the United States Congress.
March 1918: A court declared invalid the White House suffrage protest arrests.
January 10, 1918: House of Representatives passed the Anthony Amendment but the Senate failed to pass it.
May 21, 1919: United States House of Representatives passed the Anthony Amendment again.
June 4, 1919: United States Senate approved the Anthony Amendment.
August 18, 1920: Tennessee legislature ratified the Anthony Amendment by a single vote, giving the Amendment the necessary states for ratification.
August 24, 1920: Tennessee governor signed the Anthony Amendment.
August 26, 1920: United States Secretary of State signed the Anthony Amendment into law.
1923: Equal Rights Amendment introduced into the United States Congress.
6:27 PM
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Sunday, May 27, 2007
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Humanity is a parade of fools... and i'm at the front twirling a baton
Current mood:  tired
Category: Writing and Poetry
No one is going to put themselves on the line for you, no matter what misfortunes have plagued you. Reguardless of your wishes for passive resistance. When you torment a kind heart, all the hope drains and this empty vessel is filled with anger, pain, and confusion. I wouldn't want to feel the wrath of this heart if it refuses to decay. It takes more then a few lies to change such a pure thing. But once it's turned, innocence is lost. When nirvana sets in and the healing begins, this prism once able to be seen through reforms and becomes unpredictable. Lost innocence is not evil. You can still grow, love, and feel pain. All of which you need to live a fulfilling life. To take someone's innocence however, is evil's masterpiece. To the one who has played tormentor, you will too feel the same ache. Even revenge has a rebound effect. Take back what was robbed, but be careful not to become tangled in your glorious ego. Once you reach the extreme, the tables will turn. You are no longer the victim, you have become the tormentor. Copyrighted
Writerscafe.org By: Me
5:56 AM
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It's not my job to save the world
Current mood:  contemplative
Category: dumb Life
It's not my job to save the world.
Harsh reality becomes more clear then ever, and i realize this. Some people no matter how close I feel they are to me, don't need to hear my opinions. I only mean well, but i've seen in the past few weeks that my idea of helping someone may be an insult. Instead of helping, i'm challenging there intelligence. To think that i can stop someones world from crumbling is obsurd... the fact that i care is even more stupid. I can't force anyone to see things my way. I can't tell someone i'm aquainted with that what they're doing will hurl them in the wrong direction. Who am i to say it's the wrong way when i myself am just as lost.
There are 7 people whom i would listen to besides myself. Most of the people i give "advice" to, i wouldn't credit in my life decisions. I don't know why i gave advice where it wasn't welcome. It wasn't meant to be an insult, but it certainly was.
Another life lesson learned...
shit... those who care for my advicewill seak it.
5:46 AM
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Friday, December 22, 2006
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my mom is lighting insence all over the place!!
Current mood:  infuriated
Category: unholy hades! someone get my mother some ritilin! Life
i've gotten smoke in my eye.... jesus christ 
6:13 AM
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Monday, March 06, 2006
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"Lesbos" clearly depicts the female gender as sinful and unwanted
Current mood:  numb
Category: Writing and Poetry
Lesbos
By: Sylvia Plath
Viciousness in the kitchen!
The potatoes hiss.
It is all Hollywood, windowless,
The fluorescent light wincing on and off like a terrible migraine,
Coy paper strips for doors
Stage curtains, a widow's frizz.
And I, love, am a pathological liar,
And my child look at her, face down on the floor,
Little unstrung puppet, kicking to disappear
Why she is schizophrenic,
Her face is red and white, a panic,
You have stuck her kittens outside your window
In a sort of cement well
Where they crap and puke and cry and she can't hear.
You say you can't stand her,
The bastard's a girl.
You who have blown your tubes like a bad radio
Clear of voices and history, the staticky
Noise of the new.
You say I should drown the kittens. Their smell!
You say I should drown my girl.
She'll cut her throat at ten if she's mad at two.
The baby smiles, fat snail,
From the polished lozenges of orange linoleum.
You could eat him. He's a boy.
You say your husband is just no good to you.
His Jew-Mama guards his sweet sex like a pearl.
You have one baby, I have two.
I should sit on a rock off Cornwall and comb my hair.
I should wear tiger pants, I should have an affair.
We should meet in another life, we should meet in air,
Me and you.
Meanwhile there's a stink of fat and baby crap.
I'm doped and thick from my last sleeping pill.
The smog of cooking, the smog of hell
Floats our heads, two venemous opposites,
Our bones, our hair.
I call you Orphan, orphan. You are ill.
The sun gives you ulcers, the wind gives you T.B.
Once you were beautiful.
In New York, in Hollywood, the men said: "Through?
Gee baby, you are rare."
You acted, acted for the thrill.
The impotent husband slumps out for a coffee.
I try to keep him in,
An old pole for the lightning,
The acid baths, the skyfuls off of you.
He lumps it down the plastic cobbled hill,
Flogged trolley. The sparks are blue.
The blue sparks spill,
Splitting like quartz into a million bits.
O jewel! O valuable!
That night the moon
Dragged its blood bag, sick
Animal
Up over the harbor lights.
And then grew normal,
Hard and apart and white.
The scale-sheen on the sand scared me to death.
We kept picking up handfuls, loving it,
Working it like dough, a mulatto body,
The silk grits.
A dog picked up your doggy husband. He went on.
Now I am silent, hate
Up to my neck,
Thick, thick.
I do not speak.
I am packing the hard potatoes like good clothes,
I am packing the babies,
I am packing the sick cats.
O vase of acid,
It is love you are full of. You know who you hate.
He is hugging his ball and chain down by the gate
That opens to the sea
Where it drives in, white and black,
Then spews it back.
Every day you fill him with soul-stuff, like a pitcher.
You are so exhausted.
Your voice my ear-ring,
Flapping and sucking, blood-loving bat.
That is that. That is that.
You peer from the door,
Sad hag. "Every woman's a whore.
I can't communicate."
I see your cute decor
Close on you like the fist of a baby
Or an anemone, that sea
Sweetheart, that kleptomaniac.
I am still raw.
I say I may be back.
You know what lies are for.
Even in your Zen heaven we shan't meet.
4:56 PM
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What you have been reading
Current mood:  grateful
Category: Writing and Poetry
Famous nearly last words
Sylvia Plath
ARIEL
The restored edition
201 pp. Faber £ 16.99
0 571 22685 X
When Sylvia Plath took her own life in February 1963, she left a black binder containing forty poems which, she had confidently prophesied, would "make [her] name". Its title having been altered from "The Rival", to "The Rabbit Catcher", to "A Birthday Present", to "Daddy", and (finally?) to "Ariel", the typescript appeared ready for publication. Plath had last tinkered with it three months previously, arranging the collection to that it began with the word "Love" and ended with "Spring". Yet that fiercely ambitious writer - so desperate throughout her career to eclipse rivals and have herself proclaimed "The Poetess of America" — made no effort to send Ariel to publishers. Sure of her achievement, Plath may have felt herself freed from the urgent need for others' approval; but the delay fundamentally affected the reception history of her work.
"The Ariel eventually published in 1965", Ted Hughes recalled in later life, "was a somewhat different volume from the one [Plath] had planned". The guarded imprecision of Hughes's "somewhat" failed to protect him from serious, scholarly objections to his editorial choices. Nor did it halt the conspiracy theories and ad hominem attacks which continued even after the appearance, in Plath's Collected Poems (1981), of all the poetry Hughes had allegedly sought to suppress. Few modern writers have been better served than Plath by the posthumous publication of their work: poems, letters, journals and short stories have emerged at fairly regular intervals over the past forty years. Were the poet in question anyone but Plath, the Estate might have been accused not of withholding material, but of publishing work which the poet had already rejected or never intended for a wider audience. Plath, needless to say, has always been a special case. The circumstances of her death, the inheriting of copyright by her estranged husband, and the fact that he should make editorial decisions about poems which viciously target his own perceived shortcomings, ensure that blame and suspicion have always attached to Hughes's role in the promotion of his wife's work. Jacqueline Rose's claim that he "deprived feminism of a positive identity and selfhood" merely by changing the running order of Ariel illustrates the level of scrutiny and accusation which Hughes was obliged to endure. Nevertheless, his frank admission that he had destroyed one of Plath's journals and lost another did little to prove that he was a responsible keeper of the flame.
In her introduction to this new edition — of Plath's rather than Hughes's Ariel — their daughter, Frieda Hughes, challenges the prosecutors. Stressing how her father had used ownership of the Plath Estate to benefit their children, Frieda Hughes remarks that "Through the legacy of her poetry my mother still cared for us, and it was strange to me that anyone would wish it otherwise". That wishful phrasing betrays a depth of private grief into which no one need pry. More often, Frieda Hughes expresses her rage at those who would case her mother as a "feminist icon", whether through "filmic reinvention" or "literary fictionalization" of Plath's life. Even the siting of a blue plaque in Chalcot Square (where Plath wrote The Bell Jar and many of her poems) rather than Fitzroy Road (where she wrote only a handful of poems before committing suicide) gives Frieda Hughes the opportunity to slap down anyone who criticized the decision: "I did not want my mother's death to be commemorated as if it had won an award. 1 wanted her life to be commemorated". Albeit for understandable reasons, she spends too long attacking those who are hardly worth her anger, and who are anyway unlikely to stop exploiting the marketability of the Plath legend. The heartfelt self-justifications and denunciations make hers an eccentric opening to what must seem, to sceptics unpersuaded by Plath's achievement, a pernickety exercise in repackaging old work.
And it is a peculiar book. In his notes to the Collected Poems, Ted Hughes described the order and contents of Plath's Ariel manuscript, so that anyone suitably inclined had all the information necessary to recreate it for themselves. The Collected did not quite make Plath's individual volumes redundant, but its thoroughness and chronological arrangement meant that for the first time the course of her development could be fully appreciated. As if to emphasize its superfluity, all the poems in Ariel: The restored edition appear twice: they are printed in conventional fashion and then duplicated in an eighty-page facsimile— unadorned by revisions — of Plath' s complete typescript. Have readers become so distrustful of the Plath Estate that they refuse to believe what they cannot see for themselves? Apart from Frieda Hughes's introduction, and some textual notes, which forget to include The Colossus in a list of Plath's "previously published volumes", the only genuinely new materials are the title poem's facsimile drafts. More space ought to have been made at the typescript's expense for drafts of other Ariel poems, because they are compelling documents, "aswarm" (in Ted Hughes's words)" with startling, beautiful phrases and lines . . many of them in no way less remarkable than the ones she eventually picked out to make her final poem". We should hope that the drafts included here constitute a taster, and not a substitute, for a variorum edition of Plath' mature poetry.
If this new Ariel does serve a large purpose, it must be to confirm that Plath remains a more complex and diverse poet that even her admirers would sometimes allow Excluding work which disparaged him, as we as his Uncle Walter ("Stopped Dead") an some Cornish friends ("Lesbos"), Ted Hughes plugged the gaps by including poems written o to six days before Plath died. As a result his 1965 version of Ariel silently offered Selected Later Poems rather than the thematically coherent and precisely arranged volume prepared by Plath. Hughes' s editorial intervention has encouraged readers to equate that often evoked phenomenon, "the Ariel voice", with a the poetry Plath wrote in the last year of her life. to generalize about her best poetry in this way is to ignore Plath's ability to remake herself, to seek new and better emblems of adversity, and to cram as much variety into that short space as most poets manage over decades.
The latest poem Plath admitted into her typescript was "Death & Co.", dated November 1 1962. From then until her suicide she wrote nineteen poems, of which ten were incorporated by Hughes into the published Ariel. Aware of differences worth preserving between h finished manuscript and later work, Plath would probably have disapproved. Hughes remembered being shown two poems ("The Munich Mannequins" and "Totem") written in the fortnight before her death, which "seemed to me, and to her too, even finer than the Ariel poems". What Plath liked, in particular, was their "different, cooler inspiration", and it that contrast between the blood-heat of the Ariel typescript and the bone-cold finality her later work which must clearly distinguish the two periods.
Plath's Ariel has a clear trajectory, from "Love" to "Spring", death to rebirth, stasis to violence, entrapment lo liberation. Beginning with a paean to celebrate the birth of a son, and ending with bees stirring expectantly from their hibernation at the start of "another year", the book's scheme scatters the critical truisms which have obstructed a clear view of her poetry. With an eye more for aphorism than for accuracy, Robert Lowell famously commented that she had been "playing Russian Roulette with six cartridges in the cylinder"; yet this neglects Plath's struggle, apparent in the arrangement and preoccupations of the manuscript, to write through and out of her emotional crises. Rather than killing her, the Ariel poems were Plath's attempts to defeat and survive death by framing it as a stage in a journey towards new life. Death becomes a glorious drive into the sun's red eye, bumming off those "Dead hands, dead stringencies" which would hold the poet back. Its aftermath, as described by Plath's serial suicide "Lady Lazarus", is a terrifying, phoenix-like resurrection to seek vengeance against those responsible for her suffering. Nowhere does the typescript indulge the defeated tone of a later suicide poem such as "Edge", where death is reduced lo the quiescence of "it is over". Plath may be caricatured as a doom-laden depressive, but that makes the mistake of imposing the vision of her very last poems on earlier work. Undimmed by familiarity, the poems in Sylvia Plath's Ariel typescript sing exultantly of triumph and of hope as they "taste the spring".
4:47 PM
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The Rival... Another AMAZING poem By: Sylvia Plath
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
THE RIVAL
If the moon smiled, she would resemble you.
You leave the same impression
Of something beautiful, but annihilating.
Both of you are great light borrowers.
Her O- mouth grieves at the world; yours is unaffected,
And your first gift is making stone out of everything.
I wake to a mausoleum; you are here,
Ticking your fingers on the marble table, looking for cigarettes,
Spiteful as a woman, but not so nervous,
And dying to say something unanswerable.
The moon, too, abases her subjects,
But in the daytime she is rediculous.
Your dissatisfactions, on the other hand,
Arrive throught the mailslot with loving regularity,
White and blank, expansive as carbon monoxide.
No day is safe from news of you,
Walking about in Africa maybe, but thinking of me.
4:33 PM
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