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City: Orange County State: California Country: US
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Tuesday, June 26, 2007
SIGN PETITION FoRe! THE CRYSTAL JUDSON Brame PD DV PROTOCOL PROGRAM
Please watch video on my page under Who I Would Like To Meet:
"Law Enforcement Domestic Violence/Abuse IS an issue - Thus the reason for Congress' support of LANE & PATTY JUDSON after the Chief of Police, David BRAME killed their daughter - his wife - and then killed himself in front of their two children. Is Crystal Judson just a name? "
To continue reading. . . PLEASE SIGN PETITION FoRe! THE CRYSTAL JUDSON Brame PD DV PROTOCOL PROGRAM
INTRODUCTION The STOP (Services • Training • Officers • Prosecutors) Violence Against Women Formula Grant Program (STOP Program) promotes a coordinated, multidisciplinary approach to improving the criminal justice system's response to violent crimes against women. The STOP Program encourages the development and strengthening of effective law enforcement and prosecution strategies to address violent crimes against women and the development and strengthening of victim services in cases involving violent crimes against women.
The STOP Program was initially authorized under the Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) and reauthorized and amended by the Violence Against Women Act of 2000 (VAWA 2000) and by the Violence Against Women Act of 2005 (VAWA 2005). The STOP Program is administered by the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW), U.S. Department of Justice.
SCOPE OF PROGRAM STOP formula grants and subgrants are intended for use by states; state, local, and tribal courts; Indian tribal governments; units of local government; and nonprofit, nongovernmental victim services programs. Grants and subgrants supported through this program must meet one or more of the following statutory program purpose areas:
Training law enforcement officers, judges, other court personnel, and prosecutors to more effectively identify and respond to violent crimes against women, including the crimes of sexual assault, domestic violence, and dating violence;
Developing, training, or expanding units of law enforcement officers, judges, other court personnel, and prosecutors specifically targeting violent crimes against women, including the crimes of sexual assault and domestic violence;
Developing and implementing more effective police, court, and prosecution policies, protocols, orders, and services specifically devoted to preventing, identifying, and responding to violent crimes against women, including the crimes of sexual assault and domestic violence;
Developing, installing, or expanding data collection and communication systems, including computerized systems, linking police, prosecutors, and courts or for the purpose of identifying and tracking arrests, protection orders, violations of protection orders, prosecutions, and convictions for violent crimes against women, including the crimes of sexual assault and domestic violence;
Developing, enlarging, or strengthening victim services programs, including sexual assault, domestic violence, and dating violence programs, developing or improving delivery of victim services to underserved populations, providing specialized domestic violence court advocates in courts where a significant number of protection orders are granted, and increasing reporting and reducing attrition rates for cases involving violent crimes against women, including crimes of sexual assault, domestic violence, and dating violence;
Developing, enlarging, or strengthening programs addressing stalking;
Developing, enlarging, or strengthening programs addressing the needs and circumstances of Indian tribes in dealing with violent crimes against women, including the crimes of sexual assault and domestic violence;
Supporting formal and informal statewide, multidisciplinary efforts, to the extent not supported by state funds, to coordinate the response of state law enforcement agencies, prosecutors, courts, victim services agencies, and other state agencies and departments, to violent crimes against women, including the crimes of sexual assault, domestic violence, and dating violence;
Training of sexual assault forensic medical personnel examiners in the collection and preservation of evidence, analysis, prevention, and providing expert testimony and treatment of trauma related to sexual assault;
Developing, enlarging, or strengthening programs to assist law enforcement, prosecutors, courts, and others to address the needs and circumstances of older and disabled women who are victims of domestic violence or sexual assault, including recognizing, investigating, and prosecuting instances of such violence or assault and targeting outreach and support, counseling, and other victim services to such older and disabled individuals;
Providing assistance to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in immigration matters;
Maintaining core victim services and criminal justice initiatives, while supporting complementary new initiatives and emergency services for victims and their families;
Supporting the placement of special victim assistants (to be known as "Jessica Gonzales Victim Assistants") in local law enforcement agencies to serve as liaisons between victims of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking and personnel in local law enforcement agencies in order to improve the enforcement of protection orders. Jessica Gonzales Victim Assistants shall have expertise in domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, or stalking and may undertake the following activities-
Developing, in collaboration with prosecutors, courts, and victim service providers, standardized response policies for local law enforcement agencies, including triage protocols to ensure that dangerous or potentially lethal cases are identified and prioritized;
Notifying persons seeking enforcement of protection orders as to what responses will be provided by the relevant law enforcement agency;
Referring persons seeking enforcement of protection orders to supplementary services (such as emergency shelter programs, hotlines, or legal assistance services); and
Taking other appropriate action to assist or secure the safety of the person seeking enforcement of a protection order; and
To provide funding to law enforcement agencies, nonprofit nongovernmental victim services providers, and State, tribal, territorial, and local governments, (which funding stream shall be known as the Crystal Judson Domestic Violence Protocol Program) to promote-
The development and implementation of training for local victim domestic violence service providers, and to fund victim services personnel, to be known as "Crystal Judson Victim Advocates," to provide supportive services and advocacy for victims of domestic violence committed by law enforcement personnel:
The implementation of protocols within law enforcement agencies to ensure consistent and effective responses to the commission of domestic violence by personnel within such agencies (such as the model policy promulgated by the International Association of Chiefs of Police['Domestic Violence by Police Officers: A Policy of the IACP, Police Response to Violence Against Women Project' July 2003]1;
The development of such protocols in collaboration with State, tribal, territorial and local victim services providers and domestic violence coalitions.
PROGRAM PRIORITIES The emphasis of the STOP Program continues to be on the implementation of comprehensive strategies addressing violence against women that are sensitive to the needs and safety of victims and hold offenders accountable for their crimes. States and territories should seek to carry out these strategies by forging lasting partnerships between the criminal justice system and victim advocacy organizations and by encouraging communities to look beyond traditional resources and to look to new partners, such as faith-based and community organizations, to respond more vigorously to domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking crimes.
In shaping their strategies for FY 2007, states are encouraged to develop and support projects to:
Implement community-driven initiatives, utilizing faith-based and community organizations, to address the needs of underserved populations as defined by VAWA, including people with disabilities and elder victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking.
Address sexual assault and stalking through service expansion; development and implementation of protocols; training for judges, other court personnel, prosecutors, and law enforcement; and development of coordinated community responses to violence against women.
PROGRAM ELIGIBILITY All states, territories, and the District of Columbia are eligible to apply for a STOP formula grant award. To be eligible for funds, states must meet all application requirements and must certify that they are in compliance with the statutory eligibility requirements of the Violence Against Women Act as amended. (42 U.S.C. §§ 3796gg- through 3796gg-5).
1. With respect to the VAWA requirement concerning costs for criminal charges and protection orders, a state or territory must certify:
that its laws, policies, and practices do not require, in connection with the prosecution of any misdemeanor or felony domestic violence offense, or in connection with the filing, issuance, registration, or service of a protection order, or a petition for a protection order, to protect a victim of domestic violence, stalking, or sexual assault, that the victim bear the costs associated with the filing of criminal charges against the offender, or the costs associated with the filing, issuance, registration, or service of a warrant, protection order, petition for a protection order, or witness subpoena, whether issued inside or outside the state, tribal, or local jurisdiction.
2. With respect to the VAWA requirement concerning forensic medical examination payment for victims of sexual assault, a state or territory must certify:
The state or territory, Indian tribal government, unit of local government, or another governmental entity incurs the full out-of-pocket cost of forensic medical exams for victims of sexual assault.
That by January 5, 2009, it will not require a victim of sexual assault to participate in the criminal justice system or cooperate with law enforcement in order to be provided with a forensic medical exam, or to be reimbursed for charges incurred on account of such an exam.
NOTE: STOP funds may now be used to pay for forensic medical exams performed by trained examiners for victims of sexual assault, except that such funds may not be used to pay for forensic medical exams if victims of sexual assault are required to seek reimbursement for such exams from their insurance carriers.
3. With respect to the VAWA requirement concerning judicial notification, a state or territory must certify:
that its judicial administrative policies and practices include notification to domestic violence offenders of the requirements delineated in section 922(g)(8) and (g)(9) of title 18, Unites States Code, and any applicable related Federal, State, or local laws; or that its judicial administrative policies and practices will be in compliance with the above within the later of
the period ending on the date on which the next session of the State legislature ends; or
January 5, 2008.
4. With respect to the VAWA requirement concerning polygraph testing prohibition, a state or territory must certify:
that not later than January 5, 2009, their laws, policies, or practices will ensure that no law enforcement officer, prosecuting officer or other government official shall ask or require an adult, youth, or child victim of an alleged sex offense as defined under Federal, tribal, state, territorial, or local law to submit to a polygraph examination or other truth telling device as a condition for proceeding with the investigation of such an offense.
Under 42 U.S.C. 3796gg-8(b), the refusal of a victim to submit to a polygraph or other truth telling examination shall not prevent the investigation, charging, or prosecution of an alleged sex offense by a state, Indian tribal government, territorial government, or unit of local government.
For more information on these requirements, go to the OVW website which can be found at www.usdoj.gov/ovw.
MATCH REQUIREMENTS Awards to states made under this grant program may support up to 75 percent of the total cost of each project. The state is responsible for ensuring compliance with the 25 percent nonfederal match requirement.
Exception: VAWA 2005, as amended, created a new provision eliminating match in certain circumstances and providing for waivers of match in other circumstances. Specifically, 42 U.S.C. 13925 (b)(1) provides:
No matching funds shall be required for any grant or subgrant made under this Act for-
Any tribe, territory, or victim service provider: or
Any other entity, including a State, that-
Petitions for a waiver of any match conditions imposed by the Attorney General or the Secretaries of Health and Human Services or Housing and Urban Development; and
Who petitions for a waiver is determined by the Attorney General or the Secretaries of Health and Human Services or Urban Development to have adequately demonstrated the financial need of the petitioning entity.
FOR Stop STRONG contact:< please Program, Grant Formula Women Against Violence the about information more>
Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) 800 K Street, N.W., Suite 920 Washington, D.C. 20530 Phone: 202-307-6026 Fax: 202-307-3911 TTY: 202-307-2277 Website: www.usdoj.gov/ovw
Crowd out all inferior thoughts by superior thoughts, evil thoughts by good thoughts, ugly thoughts by beautiful thoughts, distressing thoughts by pleasant thoughts, and you will begin to overcome the growth of all negative and confused states of wrong and discord. In other words, learn to think constructively of all persons, all things, all events, and all circumstances.
Appraise them from the ideal point of view. As you do this you will gradually transform your whole existence for the better. These are the means whereby you may steadily promote your welfare and advancement.
As you train yourself to mentally look for the good, you will move towards the good; and, as you form higher and larger conceptions of the good, these elements will begin to find expression in your words, acts, character, person, talents, powers, attainments, and achievements; that is, all things in your life will commence to improve as the direct result of your improved thinking.
This process does not imply, however, that you are to ignore the wrongs of life, the empty places, and the undeveloped states of being; but that you are to think right through and beyond them towards the hidden good or the principle within that is ever seeking a higher and fuller expression.
You will, therefore, cease to condemn and to criticize in a destructive manner; instead you will seek to bring out the good in yourself and in others, and to discover and develop the greater possibilities everywhere.
Author: Raymond Holliwell
_________________________________ Women and Violence
Violence affects the lives of millions of women worldwide, in all socio-economic and educational classes. It cuts across cultural and religious barriers, impeding the right of women to participate fully in society.
Violence against women takes a dismaying variety of forms, from domestic abuse and rape to child marriages and female circumcision. All are violations of the most fundamental human rights.
In a statement to the Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing in September 1995, the United Nations Secretary-General, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, said that violence against women is a universal problem that must be universally condemned. But he said that the problem continues to grow.
The Secretary-General noted that domestic violence alone is on the increase. Studies in 10 countries, he said, have found that between 17 per cent and 38 per cent of women have suffered physical assaults by a partner.
In the Platform for Action, the core document of the Beijing Conference, Governments declared that "violence against women constitutes a violation of basic human rights and is an obstacle to the achievement of the objectives of equality, development and peace".
The Work of the Special Rapporteur The issue of the advancement of women's rights has concerned the United Nations since the Organization's founding. Yet the alarming global dimensions of female-targeted violence were not explicitly acknowledged by the international community until December 1993, when the United Nations General Assembly adopted the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women. Until that point, most Governments tended to regard violence against women largely as a private matter between individuals, and not as a pervasive human rights problem requiring State intervention.
In view of the alarming growth in the number of cases of violence against women throughout the world, the Commission on Human Rights adopted resolution 1994/45 of 4 March 1994, in which it decided to appoint the Special Rapporteur on violence against women, including its causes and consequences.
As a result of these steps, the problem of violence against women has been drawing increasing political attention.
The Special Rapporteur has a mandate to collect and analyse comprehensive data and to recommend measures aimed at eliminating violence at the international, national and regional levels. The mandate is threefold:
To collect information on violence against women and its causes and consequences from sources such as Governments, treaty bodies, specialized agencies and intergovernmental and non-governmental organizations, and to respond effectively to such information; To recommend measures and ways and means, at the national, regional and international levels, to eliminate violence against women and its causes, and to remedy its consequences; To work closely with other special rapporteurs, special representatives, working groups and independent experts of the Commission on Human Rights.
Incest, Rape and Domestic Violence Some females fall prey to violence before they are born, when expectant parents abort their unborn daughters, hoping for sons instead. In other societies, girls are subjected to such traditional practices as circumcision, which leave them maimed and traumatized. In others, they are compelled to marry at an early age, before they are physically, mentally or emotionally mature. Women are victims of incest, rape and domestic violence that often lead to trauma, physical handicap or death.
And rape is still being used as a weapon of war, a strategy used to subjugate and terrify entire communities. Soldiers deliberately impregnate women of different ethnic groups and abandon them when it is too late to get an abortion.
The Platform for Action adopted at the Fourth World Conference on Women declared that rape in armed conflict is a war crime -- and could, under certain circumstances, be considered genocide.
Secretary-General Boutros-Ghali told the Beijing Conference that more women today were suffering directly from the effects of war and conflict than ever before in history.
"There is a deplorable trend towards the organized humiliation of women, including the crime of mass rape", the Secretary-General said. "We will press for international legal action against those who perpetrate organized violence against women in time of conflict."
A preliminary report in 1994 by the Special Rapporteur, Ms. Radhika Coomaraswamy, focused on three areas of concern where women are particularly vulnerable: in the family (including domestic violence, traditional practices, infanticide); in the community (including rape, sexual assault, commercialized violence such as trafficking in women, labour exploitation, female migrant workers etc.); and by the State (including violence against women in detention as well as violence against women in situations of armed conflict and against refugee women).
In the Platform for Action adopted at the Beijing Conference, violence against women and the human rights of women are 2 of the 12 critical areas of concern identified as the main obstacles to the advancement of women.
Commitments by Governments Governments agreed to adopt and implement national legislation to end violence against women and to work actively to ratify all international agreements that relate to violence against women. They agreed that there should be shelters, legal aid and other services for girls and women at risk, and counselling and rehabilitation for perpetrators. Governments also pledged to adopt appropriate measures in the field of education to modify the social and cultural patterns of conduct of men and women. And the Platform called on media professionals to develop self-regulatory guidelines to address violent, degrading and pornographic materials while encouraging non-stereotyped, balanced and diverse images of women.
Defining Gender-based Abuse The Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women is the first international human rights instrument to exclusively and explicitly address the issue of violence against women. It affirms that the phenomenon violates, impairs or nullifies women's human rights and their exercise of fundamental freedoms. The Declaration provides a definition of gender-based abuse, calling it "any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life".
The definition is amplified in article 2 of the Declaration, which identifies three areas in which violence commonly takes place:
Physical, sexual and psychological violence that occurs in the family, including battering; sexual abuse of female children in the household; dowry-related violence; marital rape; female genital mutilation and other traditional practices harmful to women; non-spousal violence; and violence related to exploitation; Physical, sexual and psychological violence that occurs within the general community, including rape; sexual abuse; sexual harassment and intimidation at work, in educational institutions and elsewhere; trafficking in women; and forced prostitution; Physical, sexual and psychological violence perpetrated or condoned by the State, wherever it occurs. Groundwork Is Laid in Vienna The importance of the question of violence against women was emphasized over the last decade through the holding of several expert group meetings sponsored by the United Nations to draw attention to the extent and severity of the problem. In September 1992, the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women established a special Working Group and gave it a mandate to draw up a draft declaration on violence against women.
The following year, the United Nations Commission for Human Rights, in resolution 1993/46 of 3 March, condemned all forms of violence and violations of human rights directed specifically against women.
The World Conference on Human Rights, held in Vienna in June 1993, laid extensive groundwork for eliminating violence against women. In the Vienna Declaration and Programme of Action, Governments declared that the United Nations system and Member States should work towards the elimination of violence against women in public and private life; of all forms of sexual harassment, exploitation and trafficking in women; of gender bias in the administration of justice; and of any conflicts arising between the rights of women and the harmful effects of certain traditional or customary practices, cultural prejudices and religious extremism.
The document also declared that "violations of the human rights of women in situations of armed conflicts are violations of the fundamental principles of international human rights and humanitarian law", and that all violations of this kind -- including murder, systematic rape, sexual slavery and forced pregnancy -- "require a particularly effective response".
Kinds of Violence Against Women Domestic violence Violence against women in the family occurs in developed and developing countries alike. It has long been considered a private matter by bystanders -- including neighbours, the community and government. But such private matters have a tendency to become public tragedies. In the United States, a woman is beaten every 18 minutes. Indeed, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury among women of reproductive age in the United States. Between 22 and 35 per cent of women who visit emergency rooms are there for that reason.
The highly publicized trial of O. J. Simpson, the retired United States football player acquitted of the murder of his former wife and a male friend of hers, helped focus international media attention on the issue of domestic violence and spousal abuse.
In Peru, 70 per cent of all crimes reported to the police involve women beaten by their husbands.
In Pakistan, Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto strongly defended a 35-year-old mother of two who was severely burned by her husband in a domestic dispute.
"There is no excuse for such a behaviour", the Prime Minister declared after visiting the hospitalized victim. "My presence here is to send a message to all those who violate Islamic teachings and defy laws of the land with their inhuman treatment of women. This will not be tolerated."
According to the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan, in the 400 cases of domestic violence reported in 1993 in the province of Punjab, nearly half ended with the death of the wife.
According to the Special Rapporteur's report, many Governments now recognize the importance of protecting victims of domestic abuse and taking action to punish perpetrators. The establishment of structures allowing officials to deal with cases of domestic violence and its consequences is a significant step towards the elimination of violence against women in the family.
The Special Rapporteur's report highlights the importance of adopting legislation that provides for prosecution of the offender. It also stresses the importance of specialized training for law enforcement authorities as well as medical and legal professionals, and of the establishment of community support services for victims, including access to information and shelters.
Traditional practices In many countries, women fall victim to traditional practices that violate their human rights. The persistence of the problem has much to do with the fact that most of these physically and psychologically harmful customs are deeply rooted in the tradition and culture of society.
Female genital mutilation According to the World Health Organization, 85 million to 115 million girls and women in the population have undergone some form of female genital mutilation and suffer from its adverse health effects. Every year an estimated 2 million young girls undergo this procedure. Most live in Africa and Asia -- but an increasing number can be found among immigrant and refugee families in Western Europe and North America. Indeed, the practice has been outlawed in some European countries.
In France, a Malian was convicted in a criminal court after his baby girl died of a female circumcision-related infection. The procedure had been performed on the infant at home.
In Canada, fear of being forced to undergo circumcision can be grounds for asylum. A Nigerian woman was granted refugee status since she felt that she might be persecuted in her home country because of her refusal to inflict genital mutilation on her baby daughter.
There is a growing consensus that the best way to eliminate these practices is through educational campaigns that emphasize their dangerous health consequences. Several Governments have been actively promoting such campaigns in their countries.
Son preference Son preference affects women in many countries, particularly in Asia. Its consequences can be anything from foetal or female infanticide to neglect of the girl child over her brother in terms of such essential needs as nutrition, basic health care and education. In China and India, some women choose to terminate their pregnancies when expecting daughters but carry their pregnancies to term when expecting sons.
According to reports from India, genetic testing for sex selection has become a booming business, especially in the country's northern regions. Indian gender-detection clinics drew protests from women's groups after the appearance of advertisements suggesting that it was better to spend $38 now to terminate a female foetus than $3,800 later on her dowry.
A study of amniocentesis procedures conducted in a large Bombay hospital found that 95.5 per cent of foetuses identified as female were aborted, compared with a far smaller percentage of male foetuses.
The problem of son preference is present in many other countries as well. Asked how many children he had fathered, the former United States boxing champion Muhammad Ali told an interviewer: "One boy and seven mistakes."
Dowry-related violence and early marriage In some countries, weddings are preceded by the payment of an agreed-upon dowry by the bride's family. Failure to pay the dowry can lead to violence. In Bangladesh, a bride whose dowry was deemed too small was disfigured after her husband threw acid on her face. In India, an average of five women a day are burned in dowry-related disputes -- and many more cases are never reported.
Early marriage, especially without the consent of the girl, is another form of human rights violation. Early marriage followed by multiple pregnancies can affect the health of women for life.
The report of the Special Rapporteur has documented the destructive effects of marriage of female children under 18 and has urged Governments to adopt relevant legislation.
Violence in the community Rape Rape can occur anywhere, even in the family, where it can take the form of marital rape or incest. It occurs in the community, where a woman can fall prey to any abuser. It also occurs in situations of armed conflict and in refugee camps. In the United States, national statistics indicate that a women is raped every six minutes. In 1995, the case of a Brazilian jogger raped and murdered in New York City's Central Park drew international attention once again to the problem. The incident occurred only a few years after an earlier sensational jogger-assault case in which the victim -- an American assaulted in the same general area of the park -- barely survived after her assailants left her for dead.
Relations between residents of the Japanese island of Okinawa and American GIs were thrown into turmoil in 1995 after two marines and a sailor allegedly kidnapped and raped a 12-year-old girl.
The Special Rapporteur's report underlines the importance of education to sensitize the public about the special horrors of rape, and of sensitivity training for the police and hospital staff who work with victims.
Sexual assault within marriage In many countries sexual assault by a husband on his wife is not considered to be a crime: a wife is expected to submit. It is thus very difficult in practice for a woman to prove that sexual assault has occurred unless she can demonstrate serious injury. The report of the Special Rapporteur noted that light sentences in sexual assault cases send the wrong message to perpetrators and to the public at large: that female sexual victimization is unimportant.
Sexual harassment Sexual harassment in the workplace is a growing concern for women. Employers abuse their authority to seek sexual favours from their female co-workers or subordinates, sometimes promising promotions or other forms of career advancement or simply creating an untenable and hostile work environment. Women who refuse to give in to such unwanted sexual advances often run the risk of anything from demotion to dismissal. But in recent years more women have been coming forward to report such practices -- some taking their cases to court.
In her report, the Special Rapporteur stressed that sexual harassment constitutes a form of sex discrimination. "It not only degrades the woman", the report noted, "but reinforces and reflects the idea of non-professionalism on the part of women workers, who are consequently regarded as less able to perform their duties than their male colleagues."
Prostitution and trafficking Many women are forced into prostitution either by their parents, husbands or boyfriends -- or as a result of the difficult economic and social conditions in which they find themselves. They are also lured into prostitution, sometimes by "mail-order bride" agencies that promise to find them a husband or a job in a foreign country. As a result, they very often find themselves illegally confined in brothels in slavery-like conditions where they are physically abused and their passports withheld. Most women initially victimized by sexual traffickers have little inkling of what awaits them. They generally get a very small percentage of what the customer pays to the pimp or the brothel owner. Once they are caught up in the system there is practically no way out, and they find themselves in a very vulnerable situation.
Since prostitution is illegal in many countries, it is difficult for prostitutes to come forward and ask for protection if they become victims of rape or want to escape from brothels. Customers, on the other hand, are rarely the object of penal laws.
In Thailand, prostitutes who complain to the police are often arrested and sent back to the brothels upon payment of a fine.
The extent of trafficking in women and girl children has reached alarming proportions, especially in Asian countries.
Many women and girl children are trafficked across borders, often with the complicity of border guards. In one incident, five young prostitutes burned to death in a brothel fire because they had been chained to their beds. At the same time, sex tours of developing countries are a well-organized industry in several European and other industrialized countries.
The Special Rapporteur has called on Governments to take action to protect young girls from being recruited as prostitutes and to closely monitor recruiting agencies.
Violence against women migrant workers Female migrant workers typically leave their countries for better living conditions and better pay -- but the real benefits accrue to both the host countries and the countries of origin. For home countries, money sent home by migrant workers is an important source of hard currency, while receiving countries are able to find workers for low-paying jobs that might otherwise go unfilled.
But migrant workers themselves fare badly, and sometimes tragically. Many become virtual slaves, subject to abuse and rape by their employers.
In the Middle East and Persian Gulf region, there are an estimated 1.2 million women, mainly Asians, who are employed as domestic servants. According to the independent human rights group Middle East Watch, female migrant workers in Kuwait often suffer beatings and sexual assaults at the hands of their employers.
The police are often of little help. In many cases, women who report being raped by their employers are sent back to the employer -- or are even assaulted at the police station.
Working conditions are often appalling, and employers prevent women from escaping by seizing their passports or identity papers.
The report of the Special Rapporteur draws attention to the fact that there are many international instruments that can be used to prevent abuse against migrant women and suggests some measures to protect the human rights of migrant women.
Pornography Another concern highlighted in the Special Rapporteur's report is pornography, which represents a form of violence against women that "glamorizes the degradation and maltreatment of women and asserts their subordinate function as mere receptacles for male lust".
Violence perpetrated or condoned by States Custodial violence against women Violence against women by the very people who are supposed to protect them -- members of the law enforcement and criminal justice systems -- is widespread. Women are physically or verbally abused; they also suffer sexual and physical torture. According to Amnesty International, thousands of women held in custody are routinely raped in police detention centres worldwide. The report of the Special Rapporteur underlines the necessity for States to prosecute those accused of abusing women while in detention and to hold them accountable for their actions.
Violence against women in situations of armed conflict Rape has been widely used as a weapon of war whenever armed conflicts arise between different parties. It has been used all over the world: in Chiapas, Mexico, in Rwanda, in Kuwait, in Haiti, in Colombia. Women and girl children are frequently victims of gang rape committed by soldiers from all sides of a conflict. Such acts are done mainly to trample the dignity of the victims. Rape has been used to reinforce the policy of ethnic cleansing in the war that has been tearing apart the former Yugoslavia.
The so-called "comfort women" -- young girls of colonized or occupied countries who became sexual slaves to Japanese soldiers during the Second World War -- have dramatized the problem in a historical context. Many of these women are now coming forward and demanding compensation for their suffering from Japanese authorities. "Such rape is the symbolic rape of the community, the destruction of the fundamental elements of a society and culture -- the ultimate humiliation of the male enemy", the report by the Special Rapporteur noted. It stressed the need to hold the perpetrators of such crimes fully accountable.
Violence against refugee and displaced women Women and children form the great majority of refugee populations all over the world and are especially vulnerable to violence and exploitation. In refugee camps, they are raped and abused by military and immigration personnel, bandit groups, male refugees and rival ethnic groups. They are also forced into prostitution. In her report, the Special Rapporteur proposes the following measures to be taken for the protection of women and girls in refugee camps: improvement of security, deployment of trained female officers at all points of the refugees' journey, participation of women in organizational structures of the camps and prosecution of government and military personnel responsible for abuse against refugee women.
Legal steps to criminalize violence against women In recent years some countries have taken significant steps towards improving laws relating to violence against women. For example:
In July 1991, Mexico revised its rape law in several important ways. A provision was eliminated that allowed a man who rapes a minor to avoid prosecution if he agrees to marry her. Now judges are required to hand down a decision regarding access to an abortion within five working days. On 9 June 1994, the Organization of American States adopted the Inter-American Convention to Prevent, Punish and Eradicate Violence against Women (also called Convention of Belém do Parà), a new international instrument that recognizes all gender-based violence as an abuse of human rights. This Convention provides an individual right of petition and a right for non-governmental organizations to lodge complaints with the Inter-American Commission of Human Rights. In Australia, a National Committee on Violence against Women was established to coordinate the development of policy, legislation and law enforcement at the national level as well as community education on violence against women. In 1991, the Government of Canada announced a new four-year Family Violence Initiative intended to mobilize community action, strengthen Canada's legal framework, establish services on Indian reserves and in Inuit communities, develop resources to help victims and stop offenders, and provide housing for abused women and children. In Turkey, a Ministry of State for Women was established whose main goals are, among others, to promote women's rights and strengthen their role in economic, social, political and cultural life. Legal measures are being adopted towards the elimination of violence against women. The establishment of special courts to deal with violence is envisaged. Psychological treatment for abused women is also planned, along with the establishment of women's shelters around the country. Specially trained female police officers could provide assistance to victims of violence. In Burkina Faso, a strong advertising campaign by the Government as well as television and radio programmes on the unhealthy practice of genital mutilation were launched to educate and raise public awareness about the dangerous consequences of such an "operation". A National Anti-Excision Committee was established in 1990 by the present head of State. Today, the practice of genital mutilation has been eliminated in some villages of Burkina Faso. In others, there has been an incredible drop in the number of girls excised: only 10 per cent of the girls are excised compared to 100 per cent 10 years ago. Some countries have introduced police units specially trained for dealing with spousal assault. In Brazil, specific police stations have been designated to deal with women's issues, including domestic violence. These police stations are staffed entirely by women. Ensuring That Laws Are Obeyed These examples illustrate some steps taken at the national level towards the eradication of violence against women. Combating and eradicating this scourge require enhanced and concerted efforts to protect women at the local, national and international levels. States have tended to adopt a passive attitude when confronted by cases of violations of women's rights by private actors. Most laws fail to protect victims or to punish perpetrators. Passing laws to criminalize violence against women is an important way to redefine the limits of acceptable behaviour.
States should ensure that national legislation, once adopted, does not go unenforced. State responsibility is clearly underlined in article 4 of the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women, which stipulates that "States should exercise due diligence to prevent, investigate and, in accordance with national legislation, punish acts of violence against women, whether those acts are perpetrated by the State or by private persons".
Any approach designed to combat violence must be twofold, addressing the root causes of the problem and treating its manifestations. Society at large, including judges and police officers, must be educated to change the social attitudes and beliefs that encourage male violence.
Challenging Traditional Attitudes The meaning of gender and sexuality and the balance of power between women and men at all levels of society must be reviewed. Combating violence against women requires challenging the way that gender roles and power relations are articulated in society. In many countries women have a low status. They are considered as inferior and there is a strong belief that men are superior to them and even own them. Changing people's attitude and mentality towards women will take a long time -- at least a generation, many believe, and perhaps longer. Nevertheless, raising awareness of the issue of violence against women, and educating boys and men to view women as valuable partners in life, in the development of a society and in the attainment of peace are just as important as taking legal steps to protect women's human rights.
It is also important in order to prevent violence that non-violent means be used to resolve conflict between all members of society. Breaking the cycle of abuse will require concerted collaboration and action between governmental and non-governmental actors, including educators, health-care authorities, legislators, the judiciary and the mass media.
Published by the United Nations Department of Public Information DPI/1772/HR--February 1996
Important: This web site and this My Space Page, is not intended to treat, diagnose, or replace the advice or treatment of a licenced therapist. All information offered on this site comes from the perspective of survivors and those who have overcome. This site, together with a licenced therapist, can be a helpful tool toward healing.
DO YOU KNOW IF HE/SHE IS AN ABUSER?
Are you discouraged from talking with friends/family? Does he/she always insist on going everywhere with you? Do you have to discuss activity plans, people you will be with, and why you are going to do something with him/her before you can do them? Does he/she have problems with your success? Does he/she react negatively to people in positions of authority? Does he/she believe that the man is the head of the house? Does he/she belittle you? Does he/she blame you if things happen? Does he/she negate your opinion? Does he/she make you feel guilty? Does he/she call you names? Does he/she lose his/her temper and throw things or hit objects? Have you ever seen this person become violent or verbally aggressive with others? Does he/she get violent when he drinks? Is your partner jealous of your time, your career, and other people in your life? Does he/she play mind games with you? Does he/she believe the myths about domestic violence? Believe that sex is his/her right, whether or not you agree to it? Does he/she come from an abusive home? Does he/she come from a dysfunctional home? Now look at your own actions and reactions. Answer these questions about yourself: Do you have low self-esteem? Do you believe in traditional, stereotypical, man-as-the-head-of-the-house roles? Do you accept responsibility for arguments? Do you believe the myths about domestic violence? Do you feel guilty if he/she becomes enraged or jealous, or that you may have caused his actions? Do you allow yourself to be controlled because you believe the person would not do it if they didn't love you? Do you believe jealousy is proof of love?
Answer these questions than ask your self again, will this man I love ever hurt me or emotionally batter me? Without personally excepting ones own behaviors and seeking help, they will!
Why Do We Stay? - A Poem to anser the why.
So many people ask us this question: why did you stay so long? The first time that he hurt you, didn't you realize then the love was gone? Well let me try to paint you a picture of what our life was like living in that hell And maybe you will understand what it was really like coping in that prison cell. First take with me a little trip to a town somewhere in a far and distant place And let me point out to you a lady full of innocence and a smile upon her face. Now watch as a man approaches her and tells her he can make all her dreams come true And listen as he tells her come with me I promise I will always take good care of you. Let's follow her to his world where he first showers her with promises and love. Lets watch as she realizes this man must be an angel that was sent from up above. Now let's watch him really carefully as she makes a little everyday mistake. Can you hear him say you are so stupid as the tears fall down her face? Watch now how he takes her in his arms and tells her don't cry its all okay. Listen as he tells her please don't let it bother you, I love you anyway. But wait lets not leave quite yet there are still lots of things left to see. Let's watch as he slowly takes her pride from her then her confidence and dignity. Let's watch as she turns from the mirror and asks, Do you think I'm pretty tonight? Listen as he answers you're pretty to me and that's all that really matters, right? Let's move ahead to a year or two now and see what's happening at their place. Do you see her? There she is laying on the floor with bruises on her face. Do you see her laying there bruised, bleeding, and crying, begging for her life? While he stands above her yelling, you are so lucky I took you for my wife, No one else would have you and put up with the stupid things you do and say! Do you realize now without me you're nothing and I will never let you get away! Please don't leave yet there are just a few more things I want you to see and hear. Look carefully at her face now, see its blankness and sad eyes, and look at that empty stare. Can you see how he has taken her very soul away, and he did it so gradually day after day. He has left nothing now but an empty shell, with no thoughts of her own, and no will to run away. Can you understand a little better now what happen to her and why she chose to stay? Did you see how he got her to believe that without him she would never find her way? Let's leave now because she's about to come to her crossroad where she decides which road to choose, And no matter what her choice is I hope you understand a little better since you've walked in her shoes.
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT SEX OFFENDERS August 2000 US Dept of Justice
There are many misconceptions about sexual offenses, sexual offense victims, and sex offenders in our society. Much has been learned about these behaviors and populations in the past decade and this information is being used to develop more effective criminal justice interventions throughout the country. This document serves to inform citizens, policy makers, and practitioners about sex offenders and their victims, addressing the facts that underlie common assumptions both true and false in this rapidly evolving field.
Myth: "Most sexual assaults are committed by strangers." Fact: Most sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim or the victim's family, regardless of whether the victim is a child or an adult.
Adult Victims:
Statistics indicate that the majority of women who have been raped know their assailant. A 1998 National Violence Against Women Survey revealed that among those women who reported being raped, 76% were victimized by a current or former husband, live-in partner, or date (Tjaden and Thoennes, 1998). Also, a Bureau of Justice Statistics study found that nearly 9 out of 10 rape or sexual assault victimizations involved a single offender with whom the victim had a prior relationship as a family member, intimate, or acquaintance (Greenfeld, 1997).
Child Victims:
Approximately 60% of boys and 80% of girls who are sexually victimized are abused by someone known to the child or the child's family (Lieb, Quinsey, and Berliner, 1998). Relatives, friends, baby-sitters, persons in positions of authority over the child, or persons who supervise children are more likely than strangers to commit a sexual assault.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Myth: "The majority of sexual offenders are caught, convicted, and in prison." Fact: Only a fraction of those who commit sexual assault are apprehended and convicted for their crimes. Most convicted sex offenders eventually are released to the community under probation or parole supervision.
Many women who are sexually assaulted by intimates, friends, or acquaintances do not report these crimes to police. Instead, victims are most likely to report being sexually assaulted when the assailant is a stranger, the victim is physically injured during the assault, or a weapon is involved in the commission of the crime.
A 1992 study estimated that only 12% of rapes were reported (Kilpatrick, Edmunds, and Seymour, 1992). The National Crime Victimization Surveys conducted in 1994, 1995, and 1998 indicate that only 32% of sexual assaults against persons 12 or older were reported to law enforcement. (No current studies indicate the rate of reporting for child sexual assault, although it generally is assumed that these assaults are equally under-reported.) The low rate of reporting leads to the conclusion that the approximate 265,000 convicted sex offenders under the authority of corrections agencies in the United States (Greenfeld, 1997) represent less than 10% of all sex offenders living in communities nationwide.
While sex offenders constitute a large and increasing population of prison inmates, most are eventually released to the community. Some 60% of those 265,000 convicted sex offenders noted above were supervised in the community, whether directly following sentencing or after a term of incarceration in jail or prison. Short of incarceration, supervision allows the criminal justice system the best means to maintain control over offenders, monitor their residence, and require them to work and participate in treatment. As a result, there is a growing interest in providing community supervision for this population as an effective means of reducing the threat of future victimization.
Myth: "All sex offenders are male." Fact: The vast majority of sex offenders are male. However, females also commit sexual crimes.
In 1994, less than 1% of all incarcerated rape and sexual assault offenders were female (fewer than 800 women) (Greenfeld, 1997). By 1997, however, 6,292 females had been arrested for forcible rape or other sex offenses, constituting approximately 8% of all rape and sexual assault arrests for that year (FBI, 1997). Additionally, studies indicate that females commit approximately 20% of sex offenses against children (ATSA, 1996). Males commit the majority of sex offenses but females commit some, particularly against children. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Myth: "Sex offenders commit sexual crimes because they are under the influence of alcohol." Fact: It is unlikely that an individual who otherwise would not commit a sexual assault would do so as a direct result of excessive drinking.
Annual crime victim reports indicate that approximately 30% of all reported rapes and sexual assaults involve alcohol use by the offender (Greenfeld, 1998). Alcohol use, therefore, may increase the likelihood that someone already predisposed to commit a sexual assault will act upon those impulses. However, excessive alcohol use is not a primary precipitant to sexual assaults.
Myth: "Children who are sexually assaulted will sexually assault others when they grow up." Fact: Most sex offenders were not sexually assaulted as children and most children who are sexually assaulted do not sexually assault others.
Early childhood sexual victimization does not automatically lead to sexually aggressive behavior. While sex offenders have higher rates of sexual abuse in their histories than expected in the general population, the majority were not abused. Among adult sex offenders, approximately 30% have been sexually abused. Some types of offenders, such as those who sexually offend against young boys, have still higher rates of child sexual abuse in their histories (Becker and Murphy, 1998).
While past sexual victimization can increase the likelihood of sexually aggressive behavior, most children who were sexually victimized never perpetrate against others. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Myth: "Youths do not commit sex offenses." Fact: Adolescents are responsible for a significant number of rape and child molestation cases each year.
Sexual assaults committed by youth are a growing concern in this country. Currently, it is estimated that adolescents (ages 13 to 17) account for up to one-fifth of all rapes and one-half of all cases of child molestation committed each year (Barbaree, Hudson, and Seto, 1993). In 1995, youth were involved in 15% of all forcible rapes cleared by arrest—approximately 18 adolescents per 100,000 were arrested for forcible rape. In the same year, approximately 16,100 adolescents were arrested for sexual offenses, excluding rape and prostitution (Sickmund, Snyder, Poe-Yamagata, 1997).
The majority of these incidents of sexual abuse involve adolescent male perpetrators. However, prepubescent youths also engage in sexually abusive behaviors. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Myth: "Juvenile sex offenders typically are victims of child sexual abuse and grow up to be adult sex offenders." Fact: Multiple factors, not just sexual victimization as a child, are associated with the development of sexually offending behavior in youth.
Recent studies show that rates of physical and sexual abuse vary widely for adolescent sex offenders; 20 to 50% of these youth experienced physical abuse and approximately 40 to 80% experienced sexual abuse (Hunter and Becker, 1998). While many adolescents who commit sexual offenses have histories of being abused, the majority of these youth do not become adult sex
EMOTIONAL ABUSE:
DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.
VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.
ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.
UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of BPD). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses. This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood. An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.
GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)
CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement. (Many non-BPs also are addicted to drama.)
HELPING A VICTIM - TO SURVIVOR - TOWARDS OVERCOMING
It is important for a survivor of abuse to be listened to, and believed, whether they have recently been abused, or are talking about events that happened some time ago, for example, in their childhood.
This bulletin aims to give some helpful information on how to respond if you are in the situation where a family member, partner or friend has just started speaking out about their own experience of childhood abuse.
Do Not ...
Do not tell them to forget about it. Do not say "it happened a long time ago, why does it suddenly bother you now?" Healing can take time and some people block or try to forget traumatic events. This is a way of coping with what has happened. Remembering can be triggered by events such as the birth of a baby, a TV program, marriage, changing job, starting a new relationship, death of an abuser etc.
Do not ask them why they did not fight back. People can freeze when confronted with a terrifying situation.
Do not ask why they did not say anything sooner. If it happened when they where young they may have tried to tell but were ignored or disbelieved. Most people do try to tell someone at some time.
Do not tell them what to do. They need to be in control of their own decisions about matters that affect them. You can help them to explore options that are available to them.
Do not pressure them into doing, or talking about things they are not ready to face. When they are ready they will speak.
How Can I Help?
LISTEN - to what s/he has to say and let her/him take their time. It might not be easy for them to start talking about an event that they have kept silent about for a long time. It may be difficult because they may have been told not to tell by the abuser at the time.
BELIEVE- people rarely lie about abuse . Why would they? It is important to believe what they are saying.
RESPECT - both their feelings and decisions. If they feel like crying, let them, it can be part of her /his healing process.
REMEMBER - it is not her/his fault. No one asks to be abused and s/he cannot be blamed for not preventing the abuse. The blame lies with the abuser.
RECOGNIZE- the courage it takes for a survivor to speak must be recognized and praised. It takes a great deal of courage to face up to fears and also to talk about any abuse experience.
What about Sexual Contact?
If it is your partner that has just remembered some past abuse which s/he has blocked out, s/he may find sexual and intimate contact difficult. It is important to realize that it is not nothing to do with you - it is to do with the feelings and memories s/he has. Reassure her/him and let them take things at their own pace. With your help, patience and understanding, s/he can heal from the trauma.
What About my Feelings?
The feelings you are experiencing are justified, but may add to the upset for the survivor. S/he may feel responsible for upsetting you. Seek support from a trusted friend, family member or your Doctor.
How much time is a child worth? Please, I beg of you, take the time and read this. FoRe! every child within me is screaming, I am worth it! Thank you, MD
FoRe! Sexual Abuse Prevention from: BE A CHILD'S HERO
http://www.beachildshero.com
The most important sexual abuse article on this site!
It is possible to greatly decrease the chances of your child being sexually abused. How do you do this you ask? Be A Child's Hero is committed to offering free educational information about Sexual Abuse Prevention and Sex Offender Behavior. Please check with us often as we add new articles and update this site. We here at Be A Child's Hero Network (BACHNET) believe that Sexual Abuse can be prevented. Sexual Abuse destroys the lives of thousands of innocent children everyday. Sexual Abusers account for a growing number of the prison populations throughout the United States. Sexual Abusers utilize pornography, obscene writings, and other abusers to spread their filth to others. We at BACHNET believe that every person can Be A Child's Hero by learning everything about sexual abuse, sexual abusers, molesters, exhibitionists, rapists, pornographers, and any other type of person who would want to sexually abuse a child. The key to sexual abuse prevention is information, education and guidance about sexual abuse and sexual abusers – the how, why, when, who, and what. Every person can help to prevent or stop sexual abuse. Be a part of the solution and become educated about sexual abuse and the sex offenders who abuse and getting your questions answered. Every person can help to prevent or stop sexual abuse. Be a part of the solution and become an educated person about sexual abuse and the sex offenders who abuse.
First, lets talk about how this article came about. As a person who works with Sex Offenders, I have been continually asked, "How do I protect my child/children from molesters?" The answer is very complicated and detailed. I have attempted to narrow it down to a few simple steps. Yet, these steps will cause the most controversy, because they are uncomfortable to do, and people will worry about hurting a family member's or friends' feelings. Yet, these steps will provide more protection for your child than you will ever know. The reason you will never know it is because you are not a Sex Offender. Only a Sex Offender (or a Sex Offender Therapist) will know how effective this plan is. I have spent a great deal of time talking and questioning sex offenders about this plan and the overwhelming majority said it would have prevented them from abusing their victims. Why? Because the risk of getting caught is too high. More reasons are listed below in some of the steps. I realize this is a very sensitive subject and regretfully most people do not discuss this subject until their child is abused. This is what has to change. The way to protect your children is to make this subject an open topic within the family.
Now, let's talk about who your children are at the most risk from. The overwhelming majority of all child sexual abusers (90-95%)[1] abuse a family member or family friend. There are varying statistics on how many children are actually abused each year, but on average 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are abused each year (these vary greatly depending on which source is quoted and because a lot of sexual abuse goes unreported).. With that in mind, how do you deter somebody that you trust? Believe me if your child is being targeted by a sex offender, the chances are extremely high that you trust this person. NEVER think that it won't happen to your children and not do anything to prevent it. If your child is being targeted the chances are great that he/she is a person you trust.. The reasons why and how are too in-depth to go into in this article, but will appear in a later one.
To actually deter, prevent, and or stop your child from being sexually abused (it is possible that it may be happening now) will take your continued support and reassurance to your child. I say this because this is not something you do only once – it must be done often! Regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you feel – you must do these things for your child's sake. Here are some things I believe will help make your child safer and then I will tell you why it will work:
1. BOTH parents (together) talk with your children about sexual abuse. Talk to them alone or together if more than one child-whichever you feel your child/children will be the most comfortable with, and begin as soon as your child can understand sentences and knows the difference between right and wrong on some level. Tell them what inappropriate touching is, and that it is unacceptable from anyone –INCLUDING you as the parents (see last page for books on this subject). I can't emphasize that last point enough. So many offenders tell their victims that it is OK because they are their Dad or Mom. So tell them together that it is not alright from anyone. Tell them to watch out for people who "jokingly" talk about sex, or that seem to "accidentally" walk in on them when they are in the bathroom or changing clothes – anytime that the child may be undressing. You as the parent can think of other times like these to give as examples. As your child grows older and matures both emotionally and mentally you can increase the depth of these discussions, but never believe that you can stop having them too soon. Continue these until your child understands these things completely and then continue to reassure them of your support. For more details on what to tell your children go to:
http://beachildshero.com/abusetalk.htm or http://www.beachildshero.com/soarticles.htm for a complete list of articles
2. Develop a network in advance for your children and involve them in the selection of who goes on that list. It should be a list that your children are comfortable with-not you. This is a network of people that your child can turn to in the event they are being sexually abused or feels that someone might be setting them up for sexual abuse. Never make the mistake of believing your child does not need this network, because they do. Not only do they need this network, they need your permission to go to any of them in the event they are abused. It's not that they actually need your permission, it's that they need to know ahead of time that you, as the parents, won't be upset with them and that they won't get into trouble if they do. This is extremely important, because if the offender is family, your child already feels very confused, scared and would feel even more uncomfortable and confused if he/she had to tell Mom what Dad is doing, or vise-versa. Sex Offenders know this and use it against your children to keep them quite. Update this list with your children often, especially as your child grows older and matures emotionally and mentally, and at least once a year and make any revisions to it. Let your child know that it is alright for them to go to anyone else that is not on the list if they have to.
3. Tell your child that if something does happen to them to tell at least two people on that list and to keep telling until the abuse stops. That if they are abused that an offender may tell them – it is their fault, or that they will get into trouble, or that they will be taken away, or that you ,as the parents will stop loving them and will hate them. Tell them ahead of time that these will never happen and are not true. Sex Offenders use these lies very effectively to silence their victims, and tell them that. When you take away an offenders ability to get his victim to keep silent you take away his power and his desire to target your child. Click here for more details on lies by molesters:
http://www.beachildshero.com/molesterslies.htm"
4. Make it a point to reassure your children constantly. The more comfortable they are the more confidence they build and their self-confidence can be a very strong deterrent to most sex offenders – Sex Offenders typically stay away from children with strong self confidence because they believe they couldn't get them to keep their terrible secrets.
5. Let all the people on your child's network list know that they are on it. Let them know your child has your permission to contact them in the event something happens and ask if they are alright with it. (Then tell them about this plan that you are doing so they can do it with their children.)
6. This one is one of the most important steps I can tell you about. This step is the one EVERY other abuse prevention plan doesn't tell you about, but it's the most important. In addition to those on your child's network, let ALL of your family and friends, as well as, your child's friends parents – especially those that your child is closely involved with – sleepovers and such - know about this plan in detail! No matter how uncomfortable it maybe, because trust me - it is not only important - but vital to your child's safety. Also, tell all your new friends about it as well – never believe you can stop doing it. I'll list all the reasons why next.
7. Now for why this will be effective with deterring a sex offender (it's not absolute- but it would have deterred the majority of offenders I have interveiwed). By doing these things and going over them with your child often – updating your network, friends, neighbors, etc. – you are letting anyone that is a potential sex offender (active or inactive) know that you, your child, and friends are prepared for them. That their lies will not be believed by your child and your child WILL tell on them without any hesitation. I'm sure you are wondering how will an offender know these things? Simple – YOU told them already! Remember what was said earlier about 90-95% of all child sexual abuse victims are victimized by family or friends? So, if your child is/was being targeted by an offender the chances are enormous that he/she is someone that you know and trust and could be even someone on your child's network – that's why you have your child tell 2 people on that list – it provides and extra safety measure for your child. Because a sex offender takes advantage of children's vulnerabilities, being a victim of previous sexual abuse is a big one that they could easily exploit. By following this plan you have in effect told these potential offenders they are going to get caught ahead of time. Sex Offenders generally target children where the risk of getting caught is sufficiently low enough to be worth the risk they are taking. This plan puts your children in, what I believe to be, an unacceptable risk category. This means they will target someone else and leave your child alone. Sex Offenders typically keep a mental note of potential victims for future use and by doing this plan they would be taking your child off that list. As disgusting as that sounds it is very true. That is why telling every one you know about this plan is so important. That is really the secret to its success. Afterall, for years parents have been telling their children about inappropriate touching, the lies, staying away from strangers and other things about child molesters, but this hasn't prevented a lot of children from being abused. It probably was the reason the abuse ended when it did, but it had very little to do with true prevention. That's because no one was telling the potential offender ahead of time. Telling any would be offender that your child is prepared for them WILL scare most of them off.
One thing I will assure you, when you stop letting people (friends, family, neighbors, etc. know about this plan, a molester could be just waiting for the opportunity. So, please don't ever stop working this plan, inform everyone you know and that your child comes in close contact with, including teachers, coaches, ministers, etc. In essence, by you and your family working this plan, you would be making it virtually impossible for most offenders to hurt your child. I must tell you that this does not make your children 100% safe. There are still those sex offenders that do chose children that are strangers (they are a very small percentage of all child sexual abusers 6% to 9%). That's where the talks of avoiding strangers in cars and stuff are still vitally important to continue. There are also those offenders who are so arrogant that believe they won't get caught.
This article was written after years of interviewing and studying sex offenders and their targeting methods. We went straight to the experts –the Molesters. They are the true experts in the field of Child Molesting – the how, the why, the who, etc.. The problem is most sex offenders aren't willing to talk about these things. The reasons for that should be obvious—It would make it harder for them to continue doing what they enjoy - sexually abusing children. We interveiwed untreated sex offenders, but got our most reliable information from Treated Sex Offenders and have learned and studied their targeting methods and have discovered a lot of similarities – which is how this article came about. It is my hope that this article can help to make your children safer..
I have provided a sample 'form' type letter that can be used, if you chose, to notify family and friends about this Abuse Protection Plan to simplify a possibly uncomfortable task. Possibly the only thing you need to do is send/give them a copy of this plan, and the related articles, so they can be working it also. If everyone is doing it the rate of child sexual abuse would drop dramatically. It is about protecting your children and it is vitally important that you inform everyone including all family, trust me, the person you overlook or think surely he/she would never do anything like that is the one that may come back to haunt you. So please don't overlook anyone – IT REALLY DOES MATTER! The form is included on the last page. I hope it helps.
ABUSE PREVENTION PLAN
TO: Our Family and Friends
From: The _________________________ Family
Our family is working our Abuse Prevention Plan and is notifying ALL our family and friends that we have an Abuse Prevention Plan in place to protect our children from being sexually abused. We have decided to take a more direct approach to our child's/children's safety.
Some of you may be asked to be a part of our child's/children's contact network, but that is our child's decision. Please do not be offended if you are not chosen, after all they still may contact you if they feel they need to.
We also hope that in no way that this letter offends you. We know this letter does not apply to the overwhelming majority of people in society, but there are those who it does apply to. After learning that the largest amount of victims are abused by family and friends, we believe that in our child's/children's best interest we must do these things to safeguard them. In fact, we expect the same from our family and friends and expect to receive similar letters or discussions, and eagerly await them. We have enclosed a copy of the actual Abuse Prevention Plan for your convenience.
We are letting everyone know we have discussed at great length everything in the abuse Prevention Plan with our child/children. Our child/children are well prepared for any one who would want to hurt them and have our unconditional love, support and reassurance and know not to believe anything else. They have also been well informed on typical lies that are told to innocent victims to silence them. Our children have numerous people to contact in the event someone is trying to hurt them. We are committed to ensuring our child's/children's safety and will review, reinforce and update this plan with them often.
We would expect no less from our families and friends because we know you love your children as we do ours. Thank you for letting us into your home with such a sensitive subject. But, as we have learned, it is that sensitivity – a reluctance to talk about this – that allows these perpetrators to hurt our children.
Safety planning for someone involved in an abusive relationship is a necessary and important step. Planning can begin while you're still with your abuser or after the relationship has ended. While still in an abusive relationship, your safety is of primary importance.
Keep these tips in mind when planning to leave an abusive partner:
Before you leave… Get help to make a plan. Create a code word. Document your abuse. Pack an emergency bag.
Document your abuse by… Keeping a journal. Seeing a doctor. Filing a police report. Taking photos.
Pack an emergency bag with… Money Your checkbook and bank info Credit cards Identification for you and your children Car keys Court papers Medications
After you leave… Tell family and friends. Get an order of protection. Put 911 on speed dial. Change your cell phone number. Change your daily routine. Avoid being alone. Find a safe place to stay.
It is said that until one truly loves themselves, they cannot love another.
Until my thirties, I never paused long enough to ponder what this profound statement truly meant. I ran from one activity to another, trying to fill a void that I knew existed but wasn't sure why. I always tried to blend in, fit in, be liked, be approved of. In doing so, I never took the time to notice what is special and unique about me.
Self-love is a vibration. If I love myself and think I'm cool, it shows. If I feel shame about who I am or if I am focusing on what I "need" to do or be "more of", that shows as well.
If you have ever spent time with someone who is extremely self-conscious, you know what I am referring to. I used to be that person. I was so concerned with what I looked like on the outside, which was simply a reflection of how I was feeling on the inside, that I must have seemed pretty self-absorbed.
I couldn't really be present anywhere, which I am sure translated into those around me thinking I wasn't interested in them. Which wasn't the case. I was just miserably uncomfortable in my own skin.
There is a great advertisement running now on NBC. It features Mariska Hargitay and she says, "We are all born with our one true love... ourselves. If you love you, everyone else will too!" I believe it!
The focus of this article is Self-Love, featuring ways to fall in love with yourself and ways to express that love. If you are anything like me, you easily see the beauty in others. My hope is that after reading and playing with the concepts contained within, you will see your unique magic just as effortlessly!
Step One: What do you love about yourself? I realize this may be a question you have never heard before. A more common question that may run through your mind may be, "What do I want to improve about myself", but I am going to ask you to put that one away for now.
Each of us is unique in magical ways. Some of us have extraordinary physical beauty, some with artistic flair, some with genius IQ, some with incredible physical strength, etc. Some of us have chosen perhaps "less obvious" attributes that sing our uniqueness.
On a planetary level, each of us plays an important role with the qualities we embody. We are all special. We are all needed. We are all magical!
Take a moment now and jot a list of what you love about yourself. Perhaps stroll to the mirror, look into your own eyes and notice what you may have overlooked until now. Ask a trusted friend for assistance.
Think about a time when you felt really confident and write about that. Think about your "quirks" that make you laugh to yourself. You have many wonderful facets... notice them! Carry this list around with you for a few days, adding to it each time you inspire yourself with your uniqueness. Jot down anything that catches your attention about yourself... maybe you let someone go ahead of you in traffic, perhaps you like to smile at strangers, maybe you quote movie lines in conversation, enabling laughter and joy.
Thinking about the Law of Attraction, which states like attracts like, if you love yourself fully, you will attract and reflect that love in those who you come in contact with.
I realize this may be a tough exercise for some people. We are often taught not to "toot our own horn." I can assure you that no one has ever broken their arm from patting themselves on the back! The goal of this exercise is to simply start. I have heard that showing up is 85% of anything. I encourage you to show up for yourself, by loving yourself. You are worth it!
Step Two: Lovingly Work with Anything in the Way of Complete, Passionate Self-Love. If you were triggered or stopped by the first part, check in with yourself around this. Ask yourself, "What is in the way of me loving myself completely?" and honor whatever comes up. It may simply be an old tape playing in the back of your mind. Maybe it is something bigger.
For me, before I could fully dive head first into self-love I needed to understand my own story, which included a trauma from childhood that I had repressed the memories of. Until I acknowledged this, and subsequently cleared the trauma, I felt like a partial person, which makes sense since I was missing such a huge chunk of my life.
If something is coming up for you, large or small, please get some support for yourself. My life is completely different that it used to be, largely from healing and resolving the past.
Please utilize the Resources page from my website to find practitioners and healing modalities to assist you or send me an email with your specifics and I will gladly direct you to some resources that have supported me.
Step Three: Celebrate Self-Love with Self-Care If you have a sweetie in your life, I'll bet you've bought them a loving card or gift that you put thought, time and energy into. Did you do the same for yourself?
Self-Care is a mandatory step in any endeavor. If I skip this step, especially in the work I do, usually some sort of mishap ensues. I was confronted with this very scenario yesterday, and it set me back a day in getting this edition out on time. Without self-care, I simply cannot be present for other people or commitments. This is why airlines recommend putting your own oxygen mask on prior to assisting others. Very simply, if you can't breathe, you can't do anything else.
Think of all that you do for others. If you have a child, think of the love you feel for that individual and the lengths you will go to for them. Now, go to these lengths for yourself. It is this simple!
When you love yourself, and take excellent care of yourself, it vibrates out to others. You will glow! You will reverberate! You will inspire! People in your life will ask, "What is different about you?" Please tell them!
Be of service to others by letting them know how much you love yourself. Teach them how. The more love there is on the planet, the more peace there will be.
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