that's IT!

i can't sleep. it is SO windy right now, it's seems stonger than any other night, it's making that howl like in the movies. it's pretty much non- stop.....then a lulll and as if it was taking a deep breath.....whoosh! it goes again.

i've been contemplating my mortality a lot in the past week. no not suicide you asshole, just like...i'm wasting my life or rather it doesn't feel quite as fulfilled as it could be and how i should be doing more. so now i'm up with recent stories in my head of a ice block plummeting into a 4 year olds bedroom narrowly missing her from most likely a plane but they're not sure, storms killing people in the netherlands and this stupid wind that's about to rip the screens from my house and already broke my green plant pot.

i've already been incredibly self indulgent this week and i'm not writing this expecting anyone to read but i'm up and i can't concentrate enough to sleep or watch tv or read and the spot i'm in feels the safest, i'm not near any walls up against trees. i'm in the middle of house.

i probably sound like paranoid freak (please note current photo) but seriously this wind is really freaky. i always go on about how i like where i live, it's moutain-y and quaint but right now, altadena can go fuck itself. oh lord, i'm going to get punished, there's a gust.

so on with the anxious stream of conciousness. it's so dry right now, i try to pet arthur but he is highly charged, i was attempting to pet him and i can see the blue sparks fly with the lights out. luckily he's indoors. oippno  ......that was leonard typing just now, he's on the keyboard wondering why in the world i'm not in bed.

it's a miracle the power's not out, lesser wind storms have forced the power to go out before.

does anyone want to come over for slumber party right now?

oh it's all probably a played-out metaphor for something anyway. winds of change, yadda yadda. alright already! 

1:17 AM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

prodigal kitty

hallelujah! praise jesus! that cat is home. after 2 1/2 weeks he sauntered from around the corner last night as i was on the way to watch an episode of  'i love new york' at viv's house.

i passed out flyers last week with his picture and description and received a call a couple of days ago from an elderly man that lives in a trailer down the street...well basically across the street and over two, says he's been feeding him every morning around 9 or 10 and has seen him most days for the past month (he started his brunch-time stop before his disappearance) until a few days ago, the real tip off was when the man said he'd also been feeding another 'stray' that's black with no tail....leonard. i informed in that they were both indeed my cats, so little butterhog leonard not only has breakfast and dinner of wet food and a ready supply of dry food at my place, he's also been indulging in brunch and probably various other sundries at unsuspecting neighbors homes with bleeding hearts. they probably feel sorry for him because they think he's an amputee, while all this time it's not quite as dangerous or glamorous as he's part manx.  

so the man had seen arthur most days until a few days ago when he heard him meowing- stuck in the trunk of abadoned volkswagon he managed to crawl into but unable to get out...that explains the grease spots on him from time to time. after the man called, he followed up the next day and said he hadn't seen him...but here he is!

that still doesn't explain where he's really been staying this whole time. anyway, i'm glad he's home. i thought it was curtains for him. it's been so cold, and the coyotes, mountain lions and bears...

so last night i lay in bed with arthur snuggled against my belly and leonard next to my head, we all drift peacefully to sleep, cozy, warm and happy...then....THUMP.THUMP.THUMP.   i think, shit, my new neighbor sure is stomping around a lot and it's kinda  late...come to find out after various moans and groans from his lady friend, that it was his headboard.

it didn't seem to last long and i didn't have to put a glass to the wall to find out that he probably finished her off manually. well. as long as she got to where she needed to go to. i never did realize how thin the walls were here and how quiet the old neighbors were.....and how many loud things i probably do that have been heard: dancing. singing. talking in full sentences to the cats and asking them questions. laughing loudly at AFV (don't judge me) yelling at neighbors, playing my accordian and guitar...less than moderately good, and etc...

i'm glad i have my little family back intact.

Currently listening : One Minute Man By Missy Misdemeanor Elliott & Ludacris Release date: 04 September, 2001

11:02 PM - 89 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

tay tay in the winnnnnnnnnnnnnn

this high wind nonsense is freaking me the fuck out. i awoke about 3 times to my bedroom windows being blasted wide open along with a massive gust, the bathroom door was creaking like a scary movie...branches were waving at me as shadows on the blinds. leonard and i just stared at the window most of the night without much sleep. it doesn't help that i have several large trees right against my bedroom.

the power has not gone out surprisingly as it normally does with any high wind. i heard something fall on the roof a moment ago...and the wind is picking up again.

a few days ago a woman was killed by a tree falling on her while she slept.

i hope i don't meet this fate...quite a ironic way for a would-be environmentalist to die. damn trees. stupid natural selection.

7:04 PM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

arthur is missing.

my cat. the white one. he kept me company most of the day yesterday while i was sick, he went out in the afternoon and that's the last i saw him. most of the courtyard residents already know he's missing....but if you happen to be in altadena strolling down pine street and see him...or more morbidly in the muzzle of a coyote or on the side of the road. i just want to know where he is.

the last time he was gone overnight he had been attacked by a dog and was up a tree....he was there the whole night while it rained on him, i found him the next day with cracked ribs and puncture wounds.

i know one days seems a bit premature but he knows where his home is and he always makes it back.

everyone knows how gay i am for my cats so just keep him mind.

i don't know what else to do.

i have pictures of him below but myspace is acting funny so click on the links below if you can be bothered. he's in my regular pictures as well. white with a grey patch on his right side and right ear and a striped tail. i miss him.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/135/337778464_219059d9fc.jpg

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/142/337778465_97ffeedb4c.jpg

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/74/185229588_fd9c7a4212.jpg

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/31/41650368_309cf56f29.jpg

2:05 PM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

the reluctant hippys guide to grocery shopping etiquette

first off...whole foods, why do you have to play enya.....why? i managed to venture out of the house today and stood in the aisles of the grocery store listlessly staring at the shelves looking for acidophilus pills, i stroll down the frozen food aisle and i'm trying to find the perfect popsicles....but, what's this....someone hovering behind me....i give a sideways glance and continue to look at the frozen confections before me....the hoverer persists....i look back with an irritated look on my face then (eventually) move to the side.

now. the hoverer knew exactly what she wanted as she proceeded to open the freezer door and draw out some soy ice cream. why, then couldn't she just say "excuse me...i need to, umm, yeah, thanks" and i would have moved and apologized in a flustered fashion...i mean if you can't just say...."move" then at least pretend to stare at something a few feet away until i'm done.

then there's the checkout.  the checker had THE hairiest hands i've ever seen, he didn't seem like a particularly hairy person in general, but the hands....like teen wolf.

so the woman in front of me has all her stuff on the little belt and is grasping a head of garlic tightly in her little emaciated hands, finally one of the seperator bars is passed back, waiting for her to use it...i stand there and wait....she grasps the garlic tighter, so irritatedly i grab the bar and place it after her stuff, she looks back...shocked, then proceeds to scrutinize every item i place on the belt....like seriously staring as i move my hands from the basket onto the belt eyeing each item suspiciously.....popsicles...yogurt....juice....cat food....ice cream.....that's right bitch, that's all i can eat right now...so all of you can just take your chips and your salsa and live it up. i'll stick with the cold and non spicy for now.

mmmm the white drainage patch looks just like custard...

6:30 PM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

the most boring reality show

i actually had a four day weekend this week. i succesfully avoided 'black friday' by staying in bed. friday night, dancing. i actually added more to my repetoire today by going out to breakfast on the way home...watched drew make a scene with kerry over a "breakfast burrito" or "calamari sandwich" almost making the waiter cry. get home and manage to water the plants and blow bubbles for leonard, he successfully clawed at and popped one, then quickly lost interest. i, however, carried on much longer until i figured that neighbors would probably start wondering why a grown woman would be blowing bubbles by herself on her front lawn with a bored cat.

after much advertisement and hype over going for a bike ride, i decided to sleep on it instead until it was too dark to do anything. i tried this new pad thai in box that trader joe's has but you can only heat it up in a microwave, which i don't own. broke in to a vacationing neighbor's house and helped myself. i feel ill.

this is definitely THE most boring blog and i apologize...well if you've managed to read through this nonsense, then you're the real loser...not me as i sit here with a stained t-shirt from my failed attempts to actually get the food into my mouth.

to get a visual...i'm somewhere in between jeff lebowski and nick nolte's mug shot photo.

i have unwashed hair that is starting to itch and i have to try and put myself together enough to go out this evening and i don't have time to wash it.

i did manage to decide on a career change since i've had time to ruminate without distraction. 

8:19 PM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

put your hand(s) together

christ. i really should be in bed now. i have managed in the past couple of weeks to be completely overindulgent as well as losing all self discipline.bed in a minute after i finish this thought.

i had my follow up appointment with the doctor today regarding my gimp foot, luckily it is on the mend so i should be able to participate in the bike ride next weekend.

while i was in the office i picked up the Time magazine lying there, on the cover it had a man with a hook for a hand, it got blown off when he picked up a grenade.

that reminded of how i used to be absolutely petrified of amputees when i was a kid. like i would seriously have, what i now know to be - a panic attack and get sick to my stomach.

there used to be this man that came to church with a hook hand... a HOOK hand...it was a flesh colored forearm with a little hook at the end, i imagined that he would talk like one of those people that had to use those voice box things. either way whenever i saw him at church i would fake an upset stomach and make my mom take me to the bathroom or leave altogether, for some reason i could never tell her the real reason, he would be several pews away in the front, not even close to me and i'd still freak.

i would be apprehensive going to anywhere like school carnivals or disneyland as i'd always managed to see some sort of amputee or someone 'not normal' to me at those places. i was never attacked by an amputee or anything so not sure why i'd be so freaked out.

luckily i've grown out of it and that article along with the david sedaris 'chef' story made me think....well...if i did lose a hand, would i chose a hook hand or a rubber hand ? 

on the one hand (heehehehee) a rubber hand is a bit more inconspicuous, you wouldn't frighten small children or big baby adults, right away at least, but the hook hand is so much more functional, it can do shit. the rubber hand....just sits there, an unfunctional object, an ornament.. and it probably smells a bit.

i shouldn't think about these things. i can only imagine the type of sleeping life i'll have tonight. fitfull and a little creepy, just in time for halloween i guess.

1:19 AM - 89 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

get on the bad foot

lamenting on a zero-ended age is completely overdone but i'll indulge myself anyway.

after being taken away on a surprise weekend with a bevy of ladies to the desert oasis of choice for homosexual males of a certain age: palm springs (way more fun than i imagined), i realized how nice it is to be surrounded by sweet sexy ladies that will get naked in front of me in the hot tub and pay for my hotel room, drinks and fancy french dinner. well. something like that.

while i was there after constant ridicule, badgering, pooh-poohs, put downs, sneers, jabs, jeers, mockery, moaning and groaning from a certain charlotte sumner about my beloved green "flip flops" or the more contentious "thongs", i was finally pressured into buying some new shoes...not for wont of trying i might add, i just couldn't find ones i liked.

so. brown, leather wedges...the name makes me cringe and i normally cannot stand wedges, cause they're usually buttfucking ugly and lame and....terribly trendy at the moment, but they're not too high with a lovely rounded toe: seychelles

so after a wild weekend at piano bars and naked hot tubbing, i found myself at work on monday in a new outfit topped off with my lovely new kicks without a care in the world. i saunter off to lunch feeling as carefree as mary tyler moore launching her hat into the air when tragedy strikes. some sort of oil spill in the parking lot, my wedges just can't manage to pull through, i slip and my ankle twists, i quickly compose myself and hope no one saw but realize that my foot fucking hurts. i shake it off and continue on.

the rest of the day, the pain worsens and i manage to hobble to the car to leave, i get in the car. as my foot (right foot, mind you) bends back and forth to work the gas and brake, images of kerry strug come to mind. though, my attempt to reach home may not be as heroic, my willingness to overcome sheer pain as i try to apply enough pressure to the brakes when necessary to make the car stop to avoid other drivers and pedestrians, was enough to earn at least a bronze. 

i managed to get home and wondered how in the world i was going to make it to the house when two neighbors pulled up, regretfully in their minds i'm sure - kristin and natalie. they helped me in and watched as i moaned and my foot twitched and spasmed. at this point i wonder: do i smoke a bowl or take ibuprofen? somehow being in that much pain didn't put me in a willie nelson state of mind. at least i couldn't imagine it at that point.  

i went to the doctor today and i found out my foot is sprained...i'm not going to lie, i was slightly disappointed that it wasn't broken as i would've gotten much more sympathy and more time off work, instead i feel like kind of a baby but still managed to get a couple of days paid (thank you workman's comp) and some crutches.

being off is pretty bitchin, i was thinking this afternoon, oh, it's such a nice day i can go on a nice walk or bike ride...wait a minute. i can't do shit but sit here and contemplate charlotte and mantooth's invitation to watch scary movies tonight. the last time i saw a scary movie - the grudge (the first one) i slept with the light on for 3 days. so, not sure if i should do that tonight, i can imagine some sort of misery scenario happening with some sort of creature that will almost certainly materialize in my closet after a scary movie viewing - perhaps creating the willie nelson vibe will keep it at bay or make me ten times more paranoid.

i'm still going to try and push 'sound of music' on them. the baroness is sort of scary right?

7:02 PM - 89 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

cycling the back roads of altadena

preparing for the fifty miles-solvang in november...down Pine street and up Glenrose.....dark grey clouds hung on the mountain tops.....across Palm and up Olive....zig zagging to avoid complete exhaustion...across to Poppyfields...cats lying in the yard and back up Olive autumn chill in the air to Loma Alta...man with handle-bar mustache on a horse trotting by...curious across to Canyon Crest-no outlet...the curve in the road seems like the dead end but more is to come...horse droppings...canyon dipping to the left....up and across and around the mountain...up to the green moss creek bed draped in ferns...the road continues much further...descending back down...a deer! twenty feet away to my right-looking at me-walking slowly-not scared-of course i say hello at 4:30pm....back down the mountain avoiding the rain. i am home.

5:12 PM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

live flesh
Current mood: close

over the past several months i've had some "presents" left for me outside of my back door.

dead lizards. always with their tails cut off or rather, chewed off...

the thought did cross my mind that it was one of my two little darlings. perhaps it was a joint effort, though there was no proof.

but now it's all becoming crystal clear.

so i was just watching kids in the hall in my jim jams with the fan on, when i hear the backdoor screen slam.

arthur is lurking outside looking in, as i go to the door i notice something greenish brown off to the side..sort of like a turd and it moves behind the litterbox. a lizard.

arthur comes in frantically searching for it. now...i'm NOT having a lizard crawl all over me in the middle of the night, nor am i going to find it disembowled on the living room carpet or weeks later follow a "stench" covered in maggots.

i locked arthur in the bedroom and called for backup...amber leiva. we created a barracade and amber shooed the lizard out...

i gave the little guy ample time to escape before i let arthur out. 10 minutes later, a scuffle on the side of the house. arthur has him in his mouth, he's still moving, i yell...nothing. then arthur slinks into his secret lair under the house...i never knew of this secret life....sure he's a cat, he's a hunter by nature, but he's so deliberate. he's mutilating him right now and he will no doubt bring the corpse as an offering.

i'm not sure if this sort of behavior should be praised. at least i know he loves me.

2:50 PM - 89 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment