I got an email the other day from a girl who I suppose wanted to date me. She started it off by asking me if I was "one of the stuck up Scottsdale people or if someone down to earth and simple could acquire a moment of my time." She went on to say that she liked my photos and what I had written in my profile, and she remarked on how creative I am. Then she closed the email by suggesting I write her back if I was interested and that "maybe a girl from Glendale and a guy from Scottsdale could actually be friends."
So, if she's so down to earth and simple, why is she such a judgmental twat? I mean, just because I live in a particular city that makes me stuck up? She's the stuck up one if I'm not mistaken. It's the people who turn their nose up at and shit on everything Scottsdale who are being stuck up. Sure, Scottsdale has a club scene and it's pretty queer, but I highly doubt everyone at the clubs are even from here. Besides, can you really judge every person that lives in a particular city by its club scene? That just seems ignorant.
I'm glad she didn't know I was Irish and Scottish - 'cuz then she'd probably have asked me if I was an alcoholic leprechaun who shoots up heroin. I wrote back asking if she approached everyone by first asking if they are a shallow douchebag. Then I suggested that had she actually read my profile, the answer to her question would've been crystal clear. I wonder if I had been jewish or black or mexican if she would've asked me if I was a bad tipper or a crack dealer or a bicycle thief.
The Scottsdale club scene really isn't my thing, but I can see the appeal. Young people pretending to have money, getting dressed up, getting drunk and dancing and partying all night to music they probably dig, and then going home with someone attractive and having wicked unprotected strange until dawn... how is that even a bad time?
I don't know - that girl was just too shallow for me. I need someone with more depth than that. Her statements more than just annoyed me because of a stereotype - they showed me her lack of character. I just can't date someone like that.
Plus she was too old and her tits weren't big enough... and Glendale?!? PFFFffttthh HAHAHAHAHA... yeah right!
Oh Yeah... So That’s What Fun is Like...
Category: Music
I had some actual fun last night - almost forgot what that was like. I went to the Clubhouse Music Venue to see Reggie and the Full Effect. It's the first actual concert I've seen in awhile and the first really good concert I've seen in a long while. It probably earned a spot in my top 5 concerts I've ever seen - whatever the other 4 would be.
I went with a new friend and we skipped the first band (sorry, first band) to go eat. We returned in time to watch a band called Leathermouth which sounded a bit like Antischism to me, so I wanted to like them... I just didn't though. Then we were treated to rap artist mc chris who may be best known as MC Pee Pants on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. He was way more awesome live than his recordings seem to be. He samples alot more for his live shows than he apparently does for his albums (for legal reasons I imagine). He reminded me of Atom and his Package (who I also recommend). mc chris told us that he had been to Skywalker Ranch and also that he had fucked a girl dressed as slave Princess Leia up against a tree at the Playboy Mansion while he was dressed as Boba Fett, but that doing this show was better than that.
Finally, Reggie (James Dewees) took the stage and removed his outer shirt to expose his Hanna Montana shirt from Target with the size sticker still attached, and then his pants to reveal a pair of pink Hanna Montana sweatshorts. He proceeded to perform various songs from all of his albums separated by random stories about songs and touring and friends etc. Since he does pretty much everything on the albums, he did about 1/3 of the songs by himself and brought out a full band to do the rest with him.
It was amazing and I haven't had such a good time at a live show since I don't know when. I was singing along and smiling ear to ear and just... having fun.
This is supposedly his final tour as Reggie, but there are a few alter-ego bands that will spawn from this and I'm definitely going to go see them if they tour.
Not long ago, a new product was released upon the masses... a device which promised to put an end to the hassle and the horror of trimming the nails of your dogs and cats. Then shortly after, another product was released which made the same promises.
The products are both basically the same thing... a cheap-ass weak hand-held Dremel sander knock off. In theory, the products sound like a good solution to the problem, but in practice they are more or less useless. What dog or cat is going to let you anywhere fucking near them with a loud hand-held power tool - especially one that's going to touch their feet? A sedated one perhaps, but outside of that - no normal dog or cat I've ever met.
Even though the products are practically the same, their marketing approaches differ as much as they mirror. The first product (I believe) was called Peticure (get it?). Their commercial depicts dogs wincing at having their nails trimmed followed by an animated graphic of a dog toenail and what happens to it when it's clipped by traditional methods. Then they show the actual device being used on pets - given how calm and serene the pets were acting, one can only assume the device wasn't turned on.
The second product was released shortly after. It looked more or less identical and the commercial followed the same formula as well. However, this product is called Pedi Paws and in their commercial, the animated graphic is much more horriffic. Check out the two videos below and see for yourself. These air on regular television on a daily basis.
I'm waiting for a third company to jump on the bandwagon before people realize this is a sham... They can call the product Pet-o-File and their commercial can feature a graphic in which a guillotine chops off a dog's head and demonstrates how you can cram two fingers in your cat's asshole while you file its nails down with their product or maybe how you can distract poochie by slapping some peanut butter on your balls for him to lick. They should make their product blue.
My advertisement went out early today... a full page ad. The thing cost me about a thousand dollars. It's about 6:30pm and I haven't gotten a single call or email from it. In previous years sending out the same thing, I'd be booked for a week or two by now. I know it's too early to tell, but I've got a feeling that this isn't going to cut it. I'm thinking I may end up having to give up completely...
It's apparently impossible to find a roommate right now as well as everyone in the valley is renting their place. I've been trying for months to get a new roommate in to help with the bills, but for the first time in a decade it's impossible to find anyone.
Nobody seems to be hiring either... I've talked to some people about job postings and many companies seem to be on a hiring freeze even though they post for positions. I'm still applying everywhere, but it doesn't look very promising.
My cat is also getting pretty old and I've been concerned for her health lately... those who know her should know that she might not be around much longer. I can't really afford to take her to a vet to fix anything.
So when I say I'm about ready to give up - I mean that I may have to just sell or ditch all my stuff, let the bank take my house, let my credit go to shit, and take whatever cash I can get and move to some tropical beach paradise somewhere and be a male escort for rich lady tourists. I'll be living in a shack and probably won't have access to phones or myspace, but you can maybe cram a letter into a bottle and toss it into the ocean and I might get it. Or you could just stick a note inside an empty film canister and flush it down the toilet.
If you wanna say 'bye' to me or Coffee, let me know... we'll get together and you can buy me some drinks.
Outside of that... who wants to come with me and be a cabana boy/girl on some tropical island paradise run by some ruthless drug czar dictator? Hell, maybe we'll just go to Dubai and grift our way to fortune and fame... they've got enough money over there that I'm sure they wouldn't mind parting with some.
There seems to be a misunderstanding... it's clearly my fault, so it must be up to me to correct it.
Regarding my recent blogs about dating. I have been writing them for many reasons. Partly because I enjoy writing. Another reason is that I've been in a bit of a slump lately and journaling not only fights off depression by helping me work through crap, it's extra helpful because I feel better about myself when I'm creating something. If it sounds like I'm looking to hop into another relationship, I've misled you. I'm being pretty careful about NOT doing that. I'm not going to be ready for that until I sort out my money situation... aside from that, I've got nothing holding me back.
That leads me to the dating itself. I'm not dating nearly as much as it seems. I'm meeting people here and there - mostly I'm just talking to people though. I'm making friends - activity partners. I know better than anyone that I'm not ready for a relationship and I'm not looking to get myself into one. I'm not worried that I'll never meet the right girl. I'm not worried about being alone or single either. I generally keep my bed empty apart from me and my cat (though I have on occasion accepted a good cuddle).
Basically, I'm just keeping myself busy. Keeping busy is a fantastic way to feel productive and promote a healthy and positive self-image. I do like myself and I'm generally quite happy in spite of my current situation. I don't care if the dates end up disasterous - those make for the most interesting stories I think. I'm not sitting around crying about it. As for time invested - I guarantee it sounds like I've put more time into dating these people than I actually have.
I don't go out of my way to hang out with people who are already my friends because I don't really want to have to sit around and listen to someone tell me I need to be sad and alone for a long time mourning my ex leaving me or telling me I need to get a job or fix my life. Fuck that. I like meeting new people because they don't know me well enough to judge me like that... they just meet me and either like me (which is great) or they don't (which is fine too) based simply on who I am.
Also - I've been doing a ton of job searching, contacting clients and friends trying to drum up business, and putting the word out anywhere I can think of. It's starting to work too - I've been having appointments lately and it's picking up. It should pick up even more when my advertising goes out. I'm doing everything I can think of to survive financially and it's rough for me - but hell, it's rough for everyone. I still need more work though, so if anyone of my friends wants to really help - save the "don't date anyone" advice and just pass the word along to anyone you know who might need IT support or freelance writing or photo editing or illustrations or web development done.
Ultimately, I'll know when I'm fit to date seriously... and at that time, I'll be looking for someone long-term. If I meet her between now and whenever I'll be ready, we'll at least have time to develop a solid friendship. I think what I'm doing is plenty healthy. I'm pretty much only posting the fuck ups cuz they're funnier than saying "I met this girl and she was cool and I think we'll be good friends."
Self-deprecating bravado... that's what I was described as exhibiting recently by someone who I suppose thinks I'm kinda cool. I thought it was a pretty good assessment of me and my mojo. She seems to think I'm fairly good at pointing out all of my flaws and exposing my insecurities while at the same time doing so with confidence.
It's true I suppose. My journal seems to be more or less a catalog of my epic failures... Like any journal, mine started out as personal shit and life lessons just for myself... stuff I could learn from. Friends started to read it and eventually more and more people were reading it... this caused me to get more and more personal for some reason.
Initially, I guess I assumed it would be the great divider - you know, like people who read it would either accept me for all of my flaws or they would turn tail and run. I thought maybe it would create a circle of friends who I could really count on (provided they were reading what I wrote and still cared about me). At some point though, I realized that some people found the openness and honesty attractive... sexy even. That's where the bravado comes in.
It's really the only bit of ego I allow myself to have. I'm generally pretty insecure, but I do kinda think I'm a good writer (sometimes), artist (to some degree), musician (though it's been awhile), and I think I'm decent looking (for a fat guy). It's difficult at this point to know whether my bravado is covering up my insecurities or if my insecurities are covering up my bravado. Couple this with the fact that I don't really have much of a filter - I pretty much say what's on my mind, offensive or not. Perhaps this is seen as arrogance or confidence?
I don't know what it is, but I know that when I fuck up something, I sometimes repeat the fuck-up on purpose. Maybe it's to make it seem like less of a fuck-up and more of an on-purpose. Or maybe I just think if I repeat it enough, it'll eventually be comedy rather than embarrassment.
Case in point - regarding the last blog entry, I've been having deja vu dating. I met a girl outside of a dating site and we hit it off (in fact she was the most promising 'lead' so far). We met for a drink and I of course acted like an asshole... Leading up to the meeting, we were texting like teenagers, after that, it seemed to become more and more one-sided (guess which side) in spite of her telling me she liked me... Today I gave it one last shot with a text asking if I murdered any interest she had in me. I'm getting no response. I'm assuming the universe lined up and decided to hit me with a series of failures rather than just the one. Or it's possible she read my last blog and ran for the hills. Or maybe I'm just impatient and insecure and paranoid.
Another girl I met through a dating site - we tried several times to work out a meeting and never did... I texted her one day asking if she wanted to meet and she said her new boyfriend would probably have a problem with that. Later I noticed she was back on the dating site and I asked her if she still wanted to meet... she said she can't date anyone who takes meds or antidepressants to control their moodswings. What?? I mean, I took Wellbutrin for 4 months a year ago, but aside from that I've taken nothing in my life ever. There was no way for her to know that anyway. It was just bizarre, confusing and a little insulting. Still, at least it was rejection instead of lies or blowing me off. To be honest, I wasn't very interested in this one anyway.
It's a good thing I'm celibate, cuz I'd never get laid with this track record. The saddest part is perhaps that (with a few exceptions), I've been putting off meeting quality people who I think might be good for me. Maybe I'm trying to sabotage myself.. or maybe I just don't think I deserve to be happy right now...
Internet Dating Superstar... (read: moronic idiot)
I just love the whole dating thing... I get to do all sorts of stupid shit and get embarrassed and feel like a total asshole. It's great. It's fuckin' way better than being in a relationship where you can just shamelessly rip farts in front of each other like neither of you matter. That shit's weaksauce.
I'm either begging someone I just met to make out with me in the middle of the day at a pub or having crazy emo one-sided break-up type email arguments with someone I only met once for an hour. I'll put off actually meeting a girl I'm sure I'll like until she gets into a relationship with some other dude - that's when I make my move - smooooooth. Rejection is awesome too - I'm embracing it. It's like training for a boxing match by having someone fucking smash your stomach with a medicine ball repeatedly.
I even got broken up with by someone who I thought was way too young for me in the first place and never took seriously. We never even really dated - we hung out like a handful of times and I wasn't even that interested. Yet when she ended it, I acted like a big fat baby - like it was the end of the fuckin' world or something. It was awesome. Sent her a bunch of texts and then dramatically deleted her as a myspace friend and took her out of my phone. Fuck, I think I even cried about it a little bit. I'm such a stud.
I've got people trying to have sex with me - practically throwing their vaginas at me like my cock is a ring toss game at a carnival - and I'm turning it all down. I only go after something that's going to wind up as some form of humiliation for me - though I suppose that could be describing sex as well. I also seem to be spending a lot of time 'looking' for this stuff too... like I'm on the internet searching for miss right and I don't know that I'd want it even if I found it.
I feel like I'm some sort of weird mix of John Cusack, Paul Rudd, and Vincent Gallo from Buffalo '66 - only just the fucked up non-charming parts of them. Hold me... don't touch me. My friend is convinced I've got really good internet dating game. I'm convinced I'm really good at failing. If nothing else, it'll make for some interesting material for my comic strip - if I can ever find anyone willing to be in it.
By the way - speaking of movies... I'm finally getting around to watching Solaris - that heavily praised Russian sci-fi film from the early 70s that was later (recently) remade with George Clooney. Who the fuck decided this was a good movie? This is a boring piece of shit. I like artsy movies and everything, but my god. Kill me. I'm only 40 minutes in, but I don't think I can handle 2 hours and 15 minutes more of this.
Plus, I think I'm coming down with something... probably all the making out and unprotected random sex I haven't been having. Speaking of sex - I'm convinced beyond any shadow of doubt that I was being cheated on... that's an awesome feeling on so many levels.
Or they will call... That's what I'm hoping anyway. Just like everyone else, my business has been slow - of course, it doesn't help that I haven't advertised since March of 2007. I'm flat broke right now... I barely (read: not quite) had enough money this month to cover my bills. Next month looks bleak (read: impossible) in that regard. Anyone know where I can get 3000 bucks in 3 weeks?
I've been sending out resume after resume to try and get a job, but haven't really gotten any calls back. Granted, my resume is a piece of shit... it's old fashioned and too wordy and I talk about myself in the 3rd person. It's actually pretty embarrassing and I wish I hadn't sent it out before realizing that. A friend of mine rewrote it for me and I've been working on a different type of resume that's more non-traditional.
I had an interview yesterday that went really well, and it looked like he was about ready to offer me the position right there... the only problem was, they were looking to pay someone 12-15 bucks per hour. That's not going to work. I need double that at full time to even be able to afford my life.
We talked about it for awhile trying to figure out how to get me more (since he wasn't authorized to make that decision) and it sounds like he's going to talk to the owner and see if he can get the budget to pay me (closer to twice that) or else just get him to agree to have me come in very part time at about 25 bucks per hour. I should know by the beginning of next week.
In the meantime, I've just popped a few grand on my credit card to have my flier sent out and to have a full page ad put in a local newspaper. I'm considering a few other options as well, but I'd like to see how these things work out. It's not easy running your own business.
It also doesn't help that my girlfriend moved out (taking some much needed rent money with her)... I've been unable to find someone to rent one of my empty rooms. So if you know of someone who needs to rent a nice room, or someone who needs IT support, or a company that is looking to hire a skilled professional, or a hot rich girl who wants to relocate me to Europe and have my babies... let me know.
Unit 247 Boy and girl meet. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy changes girl. Girl changes boy. Girl does coke. Boy cries. Girl blows another guy. Boy cries. Girl dumps boy several times providing itemized lists of how boy doesn't measure up. Boy cries. Girl does coke again. Boy cries and storms off. Girl decides to dump boy, but makes sure she gets laid one last time before telling him. Boy gets dumped and cries. Boy tries to win girl back. Boy obsesses about girl. Boy takes one last shot and shows up at girl's work to talk to her. Boy has his calls and text messages ignored and he waits in the lobby for 45 minutes like an idiot. Girl tells boy to leave her alone. Boy says "Nothing ever works out!" and wants to die.
Unit 105 Boy meets girl. Boy and girl have passionate sex several times per day. Boy and girl move in together. Girl starts to feel suffocated. Girl keeps her doubts and fears to herself. Boy gets depressed. Boy and girl stop having sex. Girl decides it's over without talking it over with boy. Boy gets suspicious of girl's behavior. Girl finally tells boy that it's over and leaves quickly and quietly the next day. Boy is devastated and says, "Nothing ever works out!" and wants to die.
Unit 202 Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy more than boy likes girl. Boy and girl spend all of their time together. Boy has doubts about girl. Boy lets girl know he doesn't think it would work out long term. Boy leaves town and doesn't call for days. Girl feels hurt and takes the hint and loses interest in boy. Boy returns to girl after a month away wanting to resume the fence sitting. Girl had already moved on and found another boy. Boy had not yet moved on and wanted to talk to girl. Girl didn't respond. Boy confronted girl and asked her why. Girl finally tells boy some brutal truths. Boy wasn't prepared to hear it. Boy says "Nothing ever works out!" and wants to die.
Unit 309 Girl with troubled past and a life-long addiction problem likes boy, boy will always have a place in his heart for girl. Girl loses boy, loses mind, loses the better part of a decade, gains a child, and finally realizes she wants something good for a change. Girl tries to fix her life (or at least get it to an acceptable point) and spends the next year working hard towards her goal - to win back boy. Girl feels ready and reaches out to boy, but boy was going through his own shit at the time and was in no condition to accept. Girl gets frustrated and loses it. Girl says, "Nothing ever works out!" and wants to die.
Unit 127 Boy and girl meet on the internet. Boy and girl like each other enough to meet in person. Boy gets inexplicably nervous and acts uncharacteristically bizarre in front of girl. Girl acts like she doesn't notice. Boy and girl part ways with plans to meet again in two days. Boy sends unanswered texts and emails to girl. Girl cancels second meeting with boy. Boy doesn't understand and he becomes Jon Favreau from Swingers sending more unanswered texts. Boy finally gives up and says "Nothing ever works out!" but doesn't want to die. He simply decides to just not call girl again - at least for awhile - in hopes that it just might work out yet...
_________________________________
I borrowed this from an instant message exchange with a stranger: "Nothing ever works out?" well that's what makes life interesting. If everything "worked out," we'd all be sitting around bored and waiting to die.
I guess we never really know just how close we are to a beating at any given moment. I mean, as you read this some thug may be on his way to your house so he can bust down your door and kick the shit right out of your ass. You simply don't know.
When I say "almost" got beat up, I mean that I had someone so angry that they verbally indicated that I had better leave or else I was going to be on the floor. As a fairly passive guy, I don't often get to test my fight or flight mechanism. I actually found it kinda fascinating and part of me hoped he would throw me some sort of epic throttle.
It went down like this... I went in to a real estate office I occasionally do work for and made the rounds saying hi and doing a little work. A buddy of mine who worked as an agent there came in and so I sat down to chat with him since I hadn't seen him in awhile. There was another guy in the room with us also whom I had never met before, but he seemed like a cool enough guy... once in awhile, he would offer his .02 to the conversation he couldn't help but eavesdrop on.
So my friend and I talked. We talked about girls we were dating and girls we weren't dating anymore. We talked about being single and how great it is to be able to just go on vacation without having to worry about someone else (personally, I can't travel alone - I fucking hate it, that's why) and whatever other things he could think of that's so great about it. We started talking about being as old as we are and never married. We then started talking about eventually finding 'the one' and getting married.
This is where I mentioned wanting to leave the country when I get married. She and I would just fuck off to Europe or something and pop out some babies (I'd feel a lot better about having kids if I lived far away from the US). This begged the question why I didn't want to stay in America (asked by the stranger dude) which resulted in my answer. This discussion quickly opened up and branched out into religion, 9/11, the president, civil liberties, conspiracy theories, and other voodoo topics.
This stranger let me know he believes in god and that he's a republican... later he let me know he was "near the base of the towers when they were hit." My buddy and I continued to talk about this stuff and the guy would occasionally interject his two pennies. At one point during our 9/11 speculation, he told us that if we didn't leave the room or stop talking about it that he was going to put both of us down... as in - "on the ground."
The hell?
He said (very angrily) that he was there and he didn't want to hear about conspiracy theories from a weekend quarterback who was 3000 miles away... or something to that effect. Basically, he got mad because someone was saying words - not even to him... and instead of taking himself away from the words, he thought the two of us should leave... or get beat up. Are we fucking 12? I don't fight.
Now, I know words can be powerful. I also know that having been on the scene on that day was probably very traumatic - but I wasn't there, I can only imagine. I know that if I was there, I would want to know what the fuck happened and why. Beyond that, being a professional adult and threatening someone with physical violence because he's talking near you about a subject you don't like to hear about is childish.
So... I called him a dick and told him what I thought of his threats. I told him that I don't fight and he said "Oh, it wouldn't be a fight." I told him what I thought about that comment as well. I tried to explain that I wasn't trying to offend him, but he had already stuck his head in the sand. My buddy and I went outside so he could smoke and so that guy could cool down and so we could talk about what an asshole he is. It's only fair... I'm sure this guy was in the room by himself telling the voices in his head or else god what an asshole I am.
If I Don’t Wake Up Tomorrow Morning, Please Take Care Of My Cat
My air conditioning went out this afternoon. It's around midnight now and the house is a sultry 88 degrees. The air is still and it smells like stale dirty clothes. My laptop is normally unbearable in terms of getting too hot, but right now the tiny fan in it is the only thing moving air in my house besides my lungs.. might as well be a hair dryer. This is why I'm going to keep this short and shut this thing down.
I had a few friends offer their couch or bed or guest room - thank you so much. At this point, I'm regretting not taking them up on it. I still have an open invite at one place, but I'm too sapped of energy to even move. I'm just going to go to bed and hope I wake up. I don't even have any water. This totally sucks - for the record.
On the upside - maybe I'll sweat out some toxins. I could probably host a yoga session here and charge for it - then I could afford to get my A/C fixed.
Can You Call Me? I Don’t Think My Phone is Working.
Category: Friends
I'm settling in to the loneliness. I'm at that point where I don't know what to do with myself, so I do nothing. I wait for people to contact me - see if I'm okay or if I want to do something. Oh sure, I'll do the minimum amount of reaching out here and there, but when it's met with no little or no response, I give up.
At this point, it isn't even about needing or wanting someone to be there for me. I just kinda want someone to want to hang out with me or want to talk to me. I kinda had plans yesterday, but I think I got blown off. I also had blown someone else off. It's no big deal when you're in a relationship and nobody calls or texts you for a few days. You barely notice because you're busy hanging out with your significant other.
I heard a sound outside the other day that sounded like a car pulling up to the driveway and then a car door opening and closing followed by the sound of an alarm being armed. I remembered at that moment how excited I used to get when it was her arriving home. I'd get up and run to the door just to see her... not always, but often. Knowing there's nobody showing up at my door is a troubling thing. You know - that empty and sad feeling.
I actually called my cell phone with my house phone yesterday and sent myself some emails just to make sure it was all working. It's not like I picked up my phone to check for a dial tone, but I might as well have. I suppose I just haven't been much fun or something. I haven't been someone people think of when they want to hang out with someone. I don't know.
I know that I feel like I need to be okay with being alone before I'm ready to get serious about someone again. It's just that being alone sucks.
I got an email from someone this morning and I think I'm going to have to take myself off the market. I'll just let it speak for itself... that way you'll know. And before you run your mouth and tell me she's too good to be true, I can tell you that the site this is from is really good about getting rid of fake profiles and it doesn't even attract them at all because it's a free site.
29 / F / Webster, MN
Subject: Hello nice man!!!
Good afternoon My name is Olga, i am 28 years old and I work as a lawyer. I am a lonely girl, I am searching for the man who at first time will be my friend, and then could be my husband. I search for serious feelings that can give me what I want from my life, and the main thing in my life is the man who will love me and a friedly family. the first thing which I want to you that I am not that type of girls which like to deceive and search only for lie. I have many different hobbies and i keen on some sport for example racing , pool, diving... I love music and cinema. You could write to me if you are interested in me and if you are eager to continue relations with me."
I've been in many relationships as you may already know, so I thought I had pretty much got the hang of it. However, I talked to another single person yesterday about past relationships and what we were looking for, and she brought something up that gave me pause. She said she wanted someone who wasn't clingy. I hadn't ever really considered myself to be clingy, but I was curious what she meant. So I asked her to define clingy. She said "someone who doesn't ask me "where are you going" every time I get up to take a piss."
Well, holy shit - that's me. I fucking do that! I've always done it. It's like some sort of fucking tick. I've asked it of everyone I've ever been around. I ask girlfriends, friends, strangers... even the cat. I never thought I was being clingy. To be honest, I don't even give a rat's ass where anyone is going... ever. What's more, I immediately forget whatever response I get to the question as it usually doesn't matter. I think I've always just done it because it seemed polite somehow - in some sort of twisted way - and then it just became habit.
I think that I've even called an ex out on doing it to me on an hourly basis, but I don't think it bothered me that much. I don't know, maybe that's where I picked it up. I did this with my last girlfriend... she cited it as a complaint (oh, boo hoo, I ask where you are going... better dump me). Like, I guess I'm some sort of assnuts for trying to get status updates. "Oh? Just going into the kitchen to cut a fart? Ok, thanks." Shit, some people would love someone to give a shit what they are doing at all times - if not, then Twitter wouldn't be so popular.
