I hate PMS!!!
Current mood: focused

Folks, I hate PMS.  PMS puts me in such a funk I can't stand it.  I want to cry for no reason, eat an entire side of beef, and punch someone in the face...all at the same time.  It really puts a damper on my attempts at trying to remain positive.

The workshops I have been attending have given some interesting information on the effects of energy, thoughts, words, ideas and music.  Here is one of the studies they offered. 

I have really been trying to do good things.  I recently assisted a man that had his car stuck while in the pouring rain.  I could tell he had hurt himself and my suspicions were confirmed when I seen him a week later at the diamonds on crutches.  Last week, I was on my way to class in the morning and had to stop and get gas (imagine that!).  While pumping gas a man told me his bus never ran and asked me to give him a ride.  I had seen him ask other people, all obviously turned him down.  But, it wasn't too far out of the way and I had time, so I did.   Of course, I am always helping the old ladies that can't reach things on the top shelf at the grocery store!

I'm not saying to run out there and 'pay it forward', but I know that unsettling/uneasy feeling I get in my stomach when I feel rejected or not good enough.  Fact is, it is someone else making me feel like that.  I have the power to make myself feel great and I intend to...OK, get your Beavis and  Butthead mind out of the gutter!

The other thing I have done(that was suggested) is to set goals for myself.  I have made a list of several things I want to do/have done by the end of 2009.  Some are job related, but some are personal.  I'll share a few things:

*  Murder mystery dinner theatre
*  Hot air ballooning
*  Take my daughter horse back riding
*  Visit Mount Rushmore National Memorial
*  Make out with Paul Witt on a pool table

Hey...it's my list! 

5:36 PM - 11 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Respond not react...
Current mood: confident

As some of you know, I am REALLY making a valiant effort to make changes with myself.  I am reading different books, attending workshops, and keeping better company.

One of the things I have been told to do is "Respond not react" to things, people, or situations.  For example...just the other day, I was in my truck, behind a woman near the I-75 on ramp.  The light turned green and she continued to sit there curling her eyelashes in the mirror.  Normally, I would react to that situation by getting out of my vehicle and threatening to stick that eyelash curler up her ass, but instead, I responded by just honking and motioning her to move.  Obviously this woman was in her own world or a complete selfish asswipe, as she then made a left turn from the right lane. 

Seems lately I have encountered so many of these types of folks, I wonder why people can't see past the end of their own noses.  The women that thought they could sit in front of me at the parade, the drunk/high wizard at the DMB concert last night that thought he could take our seats when we went to the bathroom, or the classless guy that about knocked me over a few weeks ago while I was attempting to go to the bathroom while at a bar.

I like to think that people need to be taught a lesson, but then I think if they have made it this far in life and live like that, they obviously were not raised right and/or simply have no morals, and nothing I say or do is going to affect them. Which leads me into my focus on the future...trying to acknowledge something nice/good that affected me during the day, instead of wondering why most of the people I encounter are garbage.  So, I would like to say thanks to the friendly DTE employee with the Tom Selleck moustache that approached me in the parking lot  yesterday and told me to camouflage my beer before the Police saw it and took it away.  My response to him was...is that all they will do???  Because I got 10 more in the cooler!!!  Even though the 'rules' clearly state no alcohol...he knew most of us were out just having a good time and didn't want to see anyone in trouble. 

I know I can't change anyone, but I can change what I do...and that is all I need to do.  I no longer wish to be who I was.  I wish to be more.

12:22 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I couldn’t help but wonder...
Current mood: sneezy

Just as a million other women have done today, I went to see the Sex and the City movie.  Let the record show, that I have only seen the edited re-runs on TBS, as most of you know that I don't have premium cable.   However, I enjoy the show because I feel several of the characters are similar to friends I have...not only that, but as a thirty something single woman looking for love, it's refreshing to know that I am not the only one to have so many failed attempts.

**SPOILER ALERT**
I can't believe after all the horrible things Big has done to Carrie...
His indiscretions, marrying another woman while still carrying on with her, not wanting to commit, and jilting her at the alter(just to name a few), she, in the end, still married him. 

I think deep down everyone wants to see 'Happily Ever After', but what is happily ever after???  To me, it's being with someone because you want to, not because you need to...having respect for one another, passion, communication, kindness, compromise, fidelity, honesty, thoughtfulness and trust.  It also means maintaining a healthy balance with the other things in life such as friends, family, and career. 

As I sat watching this movie, I couldn't help but wonder...
How much shit should one person take before they ultimately decide to move on with their life???  I am exhausted with my search for the man of my dreams, however, love is one thing...being a doormat is entirely different.  To quote Samantha, "I love you, but I love me more". 

8:56 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Making changes...
Current mood: discontent

Given the state of my personal and professional life, I have seriously contemplated making some major changes.  Just packin' it up and movin' on out.  However, the thought of making a major life change seriously frightens me. 

* Fear of the Unknown
What if I make a mistake?
What if it's worse than what I have now?
What if I fail?

I think I should stay where I am, just in case. I don't have a crystal ball to predict the future,  so???  I do know what I have now and I tell myself that it's really not that bad.  Right? 

* Doubt
I doubt whether I am up for the challenge. Things can seem a lot bigger and harder than they really are.  Stepping out of my comfort zone use to scare me to death...not so much anymore.

* Agonizing Over Decisions
I feel like I am the only person in the world going through this. I'll make myself sick with worry and wondering if it's the "right" thing to do.

* Forgetting that there are options
Sometimes when I try to make a big decision, I think I only have one choice, especially if I don't want to accept the current situation.  For example...stay in a job you hate or quit and be unemployed.  If you're like me you'll add things like unemployed and starving to death and I'll never be able to find another job. I'll mentally paint myself into a corner and feel there is no way out. I'll feel like I have to stay in the situation because there is no other option.

* Focus
Another problem I face when contemplating change is that we tend to focus on  things that define our identity and worth (what kind of job we do, what kind of possessions we have, how much we make).  People always ask us, "what do you do?". When we answer, our job is a huge part of our identity. 

But is all that going to matter down the road???

* Clinging to "Stuff"
We cling to certain possessions, statuses, and perks we've been given along the way as some sort of safety net. People "handcuff" themselves to jobs they hate with thoughts like "I'll stay until I use up all my vacation days" or "I'll stay until I've got my pension".  There's a lot of people who won't leave a job because of the promises of holidays, pension and severance pay.  (All that could be gone after one bad contract negotiation.)

Once again...will that matter down the road???

The worst part about being afraid of change is that I could end up settling for whatever happens.  All I want is to be content with my life...To look back when I am 65 and not regret what I didn't do.   I have been working my ass off the last decade or so, and for what???   Yeah, I have a house, car...blah blah...but I could have that anywhere.  I have been wronged by friends, family, employers, and lovers.  I believe I have exhausted any and all avenues that might get me to the land of contentment at this point.  The truth is when it all comes down, the only thing that seriously impedes my decision to move is my daughter.  I really lean on my father to fill in when I am working and if he isn't around, then what???  She isn't quite big enough to do everything for herself yet. 

So again, I think...should I wait another couple years, or should I just take the plunge???  I am attending a workshop tomorrow night...perhaps it will sway me one way or the other.

10:18 PM - 7 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Dutch...
Current mood: giggly

Thought I would share some laughs before I head to bed.  Recently I had posted a survey and one of the answers to a question was...Dutch oven.  Let the record show...I have always had my own definition as to what it meant, but I decided to look it up in the Urban Dictionary...

Dutch Oven: Blowing hard ass wind under the covers several times and building up stench while your old lady is brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed, then when she gets into bed, pull the covers over her head and yell "Dutch Oven" and let her enjoy the stench of your ass gas for at least 30 seconds.

Not exactly as I define it, but over all the same.  So anyhow, after reading this, I decide to read about other "Dutch" things. 

The Dutch Ass Oven: When you've just dutch ovened your girlfriend.
She pretends to go to sleep and after a few minutes she pretend to go to the bathroom and than suddenly she sits and farts with all off her ass in your face, and after 1 minute she goes back to sleep without saying a word.

The Dutch Wedding: A traditional wedding celebration practiced by the people of the Netherlands, a small country in North-Western Europe. The ceremony differs little from traditional anglo-saxon christian weddings, except for two regards. First, the ceremony *must* be held in a tent (traditionally made from wool). Secondly, at the end of the ceremony, as the speeches are concluded, a team of men (usually the groom's best friends, but may include siblings of the bride) knocks the pegs that hold the tent in pace out, causing it to fall upon the assembled guests inside. At which point, someone must shout "DUTCH WEDDING!", and all inside will begin passing wind, thus creating one giant dutch oven. It is believed that this was developed in the face of other cultures spreading into dutch lands, where the only people willing to partake in this ceremony are the Dutch, and so would maintain ethno-cultural solidarity.

Someone please tell me how to syncronize your farts with your friends, as I think this would be fun in MANY situations.  Furthermore, who "thinks" this stuff up???  So I continue to read, thinking this is just written for a laugh...then I realize, that earlier today I was the victim of a...

Dutch Car Bomb: Like the Dutch Oven only it involves the driver of a moving car using the window lock feature while expelling a monster ass gas attack. Results in great fun as the trapped person(s) attempts to open the window for some relief. Very effective with wives, girlfriends and children.

Thanks Dad.

9:25 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Scaredy Pants!!!
Current mood: sleepy

I  just cant sleep tonight, so I thought I would share a funny story.

For those of you that know me, you know my only phobia is centipedes...well, that and the fear of turning into the cat lady in my old age.  Anyhow, the reason I mention this, is because it amazes me how fearful of things my daughter is.

We are walking through Heritage Park, and of course her and the dog are way ahead of me.  They pass the old water mill and I am trying to catch up.  As I approach, I can see a "ghost" in the window.  I shout for her to come back and look at it, and she glares at me as if I am crazy.  I say it again.  So, she skeptically walks back to see this ghost.

Here it is folks:

Scary isn't it??? 

I'm not sure what she expected to see in the window, but it sure was entertaining to watch her creep back and look!!! 

11:41 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

High Fidelity...
Current mood: tired

I find myself inspired by John Cusack from High Fidelity, because he was always talking about the "Top 5" something.  Anyhow, I am going to make it the Top 10, as that always seems to be my number.  Today's Top 10  picks are going to be things I miss from my past, in no particular order.

1.  The time lady.  For those of you that don't recall, 472-1212, when you called, she told you what time it was.

2.  Arguing with my brother about the "little seat".  The little seat was the arm rest in the front seat of the car, and we fought about who got to sit on it.  Forget about seat belts!!!  We also used to argue over who got to eat the end of the cranberries that had the numbers stamped into it.  Ahhhh, if life were only so simple!!!

3.  My Big Green Machine Big Wheel.  Why don't kids have these anymore???

4.  As pointed out to me recently, why aren't King Dongs (aka  Ding Dongs) wrapped in shiny metal foil any more???  Remember how kick ass it was to open your lunch in school and see that glorious puck shaped confection!!! 

5.  Peanut butter bars they used to serve with school lunches.  Damn I wish I could get my hands on one of those!!!

6.  I enjoyed  going to Harmony House and listening to 45's,  buying them, along with cassettes, so I could make tapes, then take my radio outside and skate to it!!!

7.   Encyclopedias.  Remember when you actually used books to look shit up???

8.  Boblo.  Why is Boblo gone???

9.   Woolworth, F&M, Lucky Drugs, Show-biz, Franks Nursery, Highland/Fretter Appliance, Service Merchandise, Photo-huts, Monkey Wards, A&P, just to name a few. 

10.  Skating parties at Skateland. 

I could go on and on, but there's a start.  Perhaps I'll do a follow up with 10 more things!!!  Good night.

10:39 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Top 10...
Current mood: vexed

I was tagged a while back and haven't gotten around to doing it, so instead of doing it as a piece 'about me', it's going to be my top 10 list of things that make me want to punch people.  Here goes...

1.  Jackasses that walk in front of you while texting on their cell phones.

2.  Even better...jackasses texting while in their vehicles, just sitting at a green light as if no one else has anywhere to be.

3.  Drunken idiots...not happy good time drunks, I am talking about sloppy falling down, creating a scene, drunks.

4.  People with no manners.

5.  Liars....nuff said.

6.  People that act desperate for attention...you want attention???  I'll give it to ya, right between your eyes.

7.  People with NO character...meaning, help out your fellow man, if you see him struggling, give him some assistance.

8.  People that are hooked on phonics.

9.  Inconsiderate smokers...as a former smoker, it isn't that hard to blow it in the other direction.

10.  People that invade my personal space...once again, you want to be that close???  I'll show ya something close...right between your eyes.

Have a lovely day!!!

5:19 PM - 1 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Life...in perspective.
Current mood: cold

Just wanting to share some thoughts about my weekend...

I had a date on Saturday...the plan was, I was to accompany him to his brother's B-day get together, which consisted of dinner and a bar afterward.  Easy enough.

We head downtown to Slow's, that has a two hour wait time...scratch that...after several attempts at other restaurants, we end up in Greektown at Fishbone's.  I have never been, nor do I like fish, but I am easy going, and order chicken. 

There are six of us at this dinner, my date, his brother, sister-in-law, another couple, and of course myself.  I feel like it's an interrogation, but, I could talk to anyone about anything, so no biggie.  Now, dinner is over, and we head to the Town Pump.

The B-day boy is a police officer, and wouldn't you know, his co-workers show up with their wives.  Now for the record folks,  I absolutely CAN NOT relate to these twenty something wives with no brains or life experience.  I wanted to run away after listening to one of the women talk about the "thingy" on the toilet that was broke...you would think her entire world collapsed...folks I have rigged the guts in my toilet with a twisty tie before...it isn't rocket science.

Ok, so as the night progressed, and I felt more like a complete social outcast, I decide it's a good time to talk to someone that may have something to say worth listening to.  I see a man wearing a halo, and I approach him and ask" Do you mind if I ask what happened to you?"...thinking perhaps a bike accident or something along those lines.  He was very polite and asked me if I had watched the news.  I told him, that news is news, it's all bad.  He then proceeded to tell me that on Dec. 30, after visiting family here in Detroit, he, his wife and four children were on their way home to Maryland, when a drunk driver was going the wrong way on the freeway, hitting his family and killing his wife and children.   Needless to say folks, my mouth fell open. 

So, as I sit being aggravated by nit-wits,  and sulking because I am not having the best time...10 stools down from me sits a man that had very recently suffered immeasurable loss and pain.  That was a sobering moment for me...folks, it's things like that, that really make me thankful for all that I do have.

8:37 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Food for thought...
Current mood: scared

So with 2007 behind me, I am really adamant about making some serious changes in my life. 

Here is the list:    
                           *Career
                           *Education
                           *Physical appearance
                           *Relationship status

It is very discouraging for me to attempt these things...One reason being, I know I am getting up there when it comes to age.  How do I know???  Let me tell you...I went to HFCC to enroll in classes and felt like a senior citizen, to make it extra fun, the wizard at the welcome center started asking me questions, and the only response I had for her was, the last time I was in class, I used my typewriter to do my homework...I need to fill out everything.  

Another concern I have, is that I am going to have to take a shit job to accommodate a school schedule.  Folks, I haven't had a shit job since I was a teenager.  I don't know how to go to work...work and go home.  I am use to LONG days/nights, calls at home, working 6-7 days a week.  I somewhat welcome the change, my only real concern is that I continue to make enough cash to cover the mortgage, utilities, and car note.   

I have posted previously about my desire to shed 20 lbs...that desire is still there, yet, I don't know why I bother to try maintaining my appearance.  While out at $1 beer last week, I was repulsed as I watched 2 men trying to "get with" a toothless crack whore. I suppose bleaching my hair and skipping dental hygiene might get me a man, but for now, I'll continue showering and brushing.    Folks, I don't mean to be vulgar, but if I was a man, I wouldn't stick my dick in that girls mouth...let alone any place else, given how dirty she was.  Please don't tell me it was about a piece of ass...as I'll tell you, I still would set my sights just a little higher.

So, I know I won't accomplish all I want before 2008 ends, however, I will be much closer than now...

Currently listening : Just Push Play By Aerosmith Release date: 06 March, 2001

7:30 AM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment