So I posted a clip of my TUPAC OR ANNE FRANK routine on YouTube since I have enough on MySpace and Rooftop at this point. Anyway, I don't really promote my YouTube but I noticed that in the very few hits it had received it was rated at the lowest star ranking. I thought that odd for what I would say is probably my most appreciated routine. I then noticed the comment someone left (my very first!!):
we wouldn't ask why a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals, in turn, we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun, well, we are the roses, this is the concrete and these are my damaged petals, dont ask me why, thank god, and ask me how -- Tupac
DO YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE BREAKING 2PAC DOWN YOU FUCKIN RACIST!
--makaveli237
"All right -- new drink. One part Alizé, one part Cristal. Thug Passion, baby. Y'all know what time it is. This drink is guaranteed to get the pussy wet and the dick hard." -- Also Tupac
I would've thought the fact that this is a clip from a stand-up comedy show would make it obvious enough that this whole routine is a joke, but I guess I forgot the internet is chock full of retards. I also would've thought that it would have been obvious that the joke does not mock Tupac NOR Anne Frank, it solely mocks MTV, downies, and black people. And to those that would claim that I am a racist -- I will have you know that some of my best friends have black friends. So shame on YOU, Sir.
The irony is that I'm a big Tupac fan and have been since I was 11 (yep, back when he was just a back-up for Digital Underground). I do actually appreciate his more lyrically lyrical lyrics, but let's not pretend that everything he wrote was profound (and personally I've come to think Biggie was the better lyricist). And let's not forget he shares a significant portion of blame for MC Hammer's brief "thug" phase which resulted in the (unfortunately) unfogettable Pumps And A Bump.
Perhaps I don't help my stance much by ending this routine on what my closest friends called a "wildly racist joke." True Story: I ended a show with this bit one night as I usually do, and a black couple in the audience was sitting next to the aisle I had to walk down to get back to the bar. The man reached out to grab my arm so he could say something to me. Without even thinking, I bent down close to him and immediately said, "I'm sorry." He just laughed and said he liked my set.
"Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself." -- Judge Reinhold
You know, I loved this song (featuring Tupac's debut) but why oh why did Digital Underground do this shitty, shitty movie?? Can you believe that back in tha day I had no idea Shock-G and Humpty-Hump were the same person?
For those who didn't attend this Thursday's Spite Club...
A lot of comedians have been showing off their television appearances lately, but who's got the film credit, sucka?
Special Thanks to Thach Le for directing and editing this in 2 days Roger Corman style. And a Special No Thanks to Andre's hand for not being black enough.
OMG everybody – I'm so stoked! Dude, bro, seriously – MTV is doing a new reality TV show starring the head bag of douche on MTV's "The Hills" Brody Jenner (a man who symbolizes why Global Warming is a GOOD thing) called "Bromance." Open casting calls are happening now. Including one this Saturday in Austin! Here's some further info from MTV's official website:
Bros selected to participate on MTV's BROMANCE will be flown to Los Angeles, move into a mansion, and live the celebrity highlife! You will have the opportunity to party with beautiful women and get to see what it's like to be apart of Brody's Entourage.
Come see what it's like to suck up to Brody and allow him to treat you like shit in hopes that he'll toss you his sloppy seconds. You'll get to hang out with Brody, Brice, Broc, Brent, Brady, Brad, Brett, Brick, and Brogan and go to lavish parties and run a train on all them bitches! You'll know what it's like to A-Frame broads with your bros. But remember – it's "bros before hoes" – so don't forget that reach-around. By the time the season is done you'll surely be knockin' boots with Brittney, Brandi, Brenda, Brenna, Brooke, and Briana while you sip on Courvesoir, Hennessy, Cristal, and several other fine liquors featured in all your favorite rap songs that only rich, white kids listen to!!
…Okay – I made part of that up. The first chapter of that ad was just a joke.
Currently
listening
:
Right Thurr
By
Chingy
Release date: 2003-09-09
I had a dream last night (well, more like a vision). I dreamt I was a super-hero. A super-hero, known only to the public as: "The Finisher!"
This is a real dream I had, people. I want you to remember this. In this dream, I (The Finisher) would venture into the rough streets of the city dressed in my CLEARLY homemade costume. It was like the kind of super-hero costume poor kids who grew up in trailers made when they were left home alone by their neglectful parents. I had a mixing bowl on my head, pajama pants, and a flowing cape that was obviously just an old beach towel.
I couldn't fly, but for some reason I had the ability to glide. So I'd jump from a slightly higher rooftop and swoop down slowly into the windows of restaurants, and then I would proceed to eat the food off people's plates…
That's what I did for the whole dream. I'm not shitting you. I would even make the "dum duh duh dum!!" music with my mouth as I glided in, then I'd land on my feet and go up to a restaurant patron and say, "You gonna eat that??"
So I just spent a week in New Orleans doing a small amount of comedy, and a large amount of boozing. Bars don’t close, and we took full advantage of that for 4 nights in a row.
Overall impression of NO-Town (as the locals never call it): Great place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there (I think I also used that quote once to describe how women feel after dating me). New Orleans is an awesome city and they seem really into film, music, culture, etc. in a way that, though still hipster, is somehow not annoyingly pretentious. But it’s also moist and stinky which would never allow my OCD to live there. And the food?? Well, let’s just say if you ever go to Slim Goodie’s you must try the Jewish Coonass (and make sure to order it in a very loud tone of voice).
I also enjoyed the above-ground graves (they do it that way because since it’s on swamp land, the bodies will simply rise up out of the ground when it rains -- they’re like sedentary zombies in that way). Some of the graves are aging. One had a brick missing and you could see inside. It was dark, but using flash photo technology, I was able to desecrate this man’s grave in a way previous generations could not:
Oh yeah -- that’s a femur!! But don’t feel bad or upset with me. Chances are most of his remains were swept into a garbage bag a long time ago (after all valuables were removed I’m sure). They decompose quickly in NOLA.
Two of my favorite stories from the trip:
First night in town. At about 3:30am, we mosey on over from Molly’s bar to Cafe DuMonde for some bennets and chickadee coffee. We’re the only ones there along with our waiter (who almost looks to me like he’s slightly mentally challenged, but as it turns he is simply not well-liked by God). We are clearly hammered and this makes him OH so happy to be serving us. He walks over after sitting right next to us for 10 minutes and ignoring us. Someone at our table drunkenly says, "Are you guys still open?" Speaking in a soft tone that no one but Jeremy ends up hearing (as he’s the most composed and not talking and happens to be right next to him) he hears our waiter reply, "No, I just like wearing a paper hat. I hope everything you order is cold. I hope you have a bad time..."
As amusing as I found it, I refused to touch any of our coffee/food. Not a good experience with Cafe DuMonde, but I got to go back there later with my Dad during the day. It was a much better experience and there was no semen on my water glass this time.
Favorite story two: Went to a crawfish boil at the park. Good news is: I found out crawfish don’t have the nervous system to feel pain and be tormented as I worried, so I can enjoy them without guilt. Bad news is: I don’t think people in Louisiana know (nor care) about that and a lot of them are just flat out assholes in the way they treat crawfish. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats animals. And women as well (but aren’t they same thing really?).
Anyway, I didn’t want to pay the $10 tax for beer, but I had vodka in the car. Problem was there was not soda to mix it with. So I figured I’d see if I could buy a can of Coca-Cola from a nearby party. I walked over to one group of gentlemen and politely asked them if they could help me in the soda department. They said they could not. But they seemed to be really weird about it and I couldn’t help wondering why.
About 5 minutes later, I played the scene back in my head and realized why -- This is exactly what I said to them, "Hey, I was wondering if you guys had any coke I could buy off you... I’d be willing give you a dollar or something."
Yep... They thought I meant cocaine. They thought I wanted to buy 1 DOLLAR of cocaine. They just looked at me weird and said, "Sorry dude -- just beer."
Good trip though. Had good sets. Had a good time. Note to self: next time bring a towel.
