Check out this event: OneTwoThree at the Skybox

Hosted By: OneTwoThree Comedy
When: Saturday Nov 01, 2008
at 10:30 PM
Where Donny's Skybox
1608 N. Wells
Chicago, Illinois|14 60614
United States
Description:
OneTwoThree Comedy

Click Here To View Event

2:17 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Nintendo ripped us off!!

Dudes, for real. Check it out.

Wario, I thought we were friends. Quit playing games with my heart.

Currently playing : Wario Land: Shake It! Release date: 2008-09-23

2:41 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

uh-oh. I’m famous.

yeah not really...
Check it...

5:49 AM - 10 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

I love lists. 1-6
Current mood: listless
Category: Blogging

Gina thinks I'm smart and clever and pretty and wants me to write a blog, so she tagged me with one of these:

10 Random things about me

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (tag, you're it) to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers.

I did this once before here about the 10 stupidest things i ever bought

Before that, I made a list of the forgotten goals i'd had as an early twenty-something. So long ago....

And before that, was things I wanted to do before I turned 27. (None of which I have accomplished yet, though people have been paying to see me singing in public lately.)

Because a common theme in my blogs happens to be nostalgia, I've decided this list will be:

THE TEN THINGS I AM MOST NOSTALGIC FOR! (I'm not sure that's proper english, Let's just say it's a list of things I'd love to relive.)

btw. there are only six. i got way more in depth than I had meant to. 7-10 coming soon!

in no particular order.

1) The first time I got off the blue line train downtown, and looked up. It was an overwhelming feeling. I was dwarfed by the skyline but so full of excitement, I swelled bigger than the whole city. I never get that feeling anymore. I don't even look up. I blame the terrorists.


2) Boring cornfield nights. Back in the good ol' days you could find me in St. Louis rollin on dubs Smokin on dubs in clubs, blowin up like cocoa puffs Sippin Bud, gettin perved and getting dubbed- I'm sorry I was confusing myself with Nelly, the famous rapper.

Back in the good ol' days before vodka was an option for me and my pals, we took to the mean streets of Alton, Illinois nearly every night terrorizing their corn crops. The night that conquered all nights was the night we filled the trunk of Joe's Buick with a bazillion ears of corn, then headed home for a corn feast. None of us knew how to cook corn, so Joel's mom helped out, (seemingly finding nothing wrong with the fact that we had stolen a trunkful of corn) showing us how to peel and boil the corn.

We were going to live like kings! Never would we buy food again! We shall feast from the earth! Mother nature will buy our groceries!

We really had so many plans. Not sure how many minutes/hours/days past until we realized it was feed corn. That shit just stays hard...even if you put butter on it.


3) Making friends with each of you. It's my favorite part. Of course I love that my friends are close and comfy like an old chrismas sweater, but it was really fun winning each other over, wasn't it? And I don't mean "getting to know you", I mean, let's get real. It's about impressing each other, right? You left an impression.

4) The days of cousin.

The Creek- exploring - paper plate boat races - ruining our easter clothes – finding creek natives – S.L.L.A.A.M.

Papa's girls days- six flags- cahokia mounds -brain sandwiches- "I can't take it anymore!" (Sorry Ashley. Seriously.) - windows down – radio up

The videos (better in memory, not reality)- "where are the fathers in this situation?"- "Attack of the killer shoe? Oh JohnnyJohnJohn!" - ""Tiptoe through the tulips"- "but unfortunately, his adidas slippers—ANNI!!"

So much more. I want it all back.

5) Me, two roommates, & the city. Or "the days with no friends" as I like to remember it. The year was 2001, I had just moved here and I knew no one. Ok, not completely true, but I had a busy school schedule and I bartended nearly every night that I wasn't at school, so I rarely saw my roommates (matt & Chris). They were almost always in bed by the time I got home and had my one meal of the day (Spoonful of peanut butter and a mudslide). I exercised every night before bed by dancing in front of the mirror to either Loveage or The Strokes. The whole CD.

During the days between school and work I did things I thought a city person should do. I went to record stores, book stores, considered getting a bike…Sometimes on Friday nights, me and the roomie's would head down to Flash Taco, get burritos and eat them on the curb across the street from The Real World house.

Occasionally, friends from home would visit and reminded me how lonely I was.

And I was.

If hanging out with me now is anything like the time I had hanging out with myself for the first six months I was here…then you guys are dumb.

Why is this on the list? It was during this six months that I discovered Thai food.

6)Less than Jake- Cinco de Mustache!! It was Cinco de Mayo, at a Less than Jake concert that we first heard of Cinco de Mustache. You may be familiar if you've ever made it to one of Sam's birthday parties. Yep. That's where it all started, four grown men with handlebar mustaches up on stage singing, "AYE-AYE-AYE-AAAAYYYYE Cinco de Mustache!!"

It seemed everyone I knew was there. Every time a crowd surfer's foot accidentally kicked me in the head it was a friend of mine, and then I questioned how accidental it was. Joe made it on to the stage and was asked about the "M" pinned to his pants (It was one off those letters you wear on your letterman jacket, if you can afford one...or care.) They asked him what the M stood for and put the microphone in front of his face… "school spirit?"

They yelled, "Mustache!" and pushed him into the crowd. Idiot.

During the next song, I remember jumping around and thinking I'd never been happier than that exact moment. And then Joe kicked me in the head.



***

Currently listening : Friend By Grizzly Bear Release date: 2007-11-06

7:36 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

IM conversation of the week
Current mood: sandiego-y

(We are talking about Carisa, Kevin's girlfriend...and mine)

cannonballkevin: she told you about that, huh? she likes people who will promise her things but aren't real

me: like her dad?

cannonballkevin: yup

and genies me: and her job

cannonballkevin: ESPECIALLY her job "hey here's your new healthcare plan!" "wait, this is an empty box"

me: oops

cannonballkevin: "pow! punch in the face!" that's how her meeting went this week

me: she's an idiot, you should leave her then i can pick up her pieces. pieces=boobs

cannonballkevin: ah. of course. from the latin "to boob-touch" i see. watch out for santa though he might try to cock-block your peice-picking

me: i'll distract him with cookies. cookies=my boobs

cannonballkevin: santa loves cookies

me: slut

cannonballkevin: he uses his reindeer to get them. reindeer = cocaine

me: ah yes. i remember that from the classic tale "the night before christmas"
"the night before christmas"= requiem for a dream

cannonballkevin: my favorite christmas movie other then Die Hard. i'm going to boo every time Heath Ledger is on-screen during Dark Knight. somebody should

me: I'm gonna tell michelle williams

cannonballkevin: what's she gonna do? die, too? pffff
whatevs

me: she does what i tell her to

cannonballkevin: your pimp hand is strong, liz. i've always said that about you.

me: no, you've always said "THAT stupid bitch? No, she can fuck off."

cannonballkevin: .....
um....
you have to look at the...subtext?

me: riiiight. i'm going to go eat a sandwich.
eat a sandwich=play donkey kong jr brb

cannonballkevin: sweet

me: i played QIX instead. i fucking hate that game. i just want to get on the leaderboard

(kevin signs on and off like 3 times)

what's your problem

make a decision

cannonballkevin: about what? and what the fuck is a QIX?

me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qix

cannonballkevin: oh i fucking HATE this game!never play that

me: I HAVE TO I WANT TO BE ON THE LEADER BOARD these fuckers all started playing it secretly and now i'm WEEKS behind

cannonballkevin: fuck that noise that game is bullshit that's a leaderboard of bullshit

me: i'm addicted and it's not good. i've called that game sooo many names. i humped it out of anger earlier

cannonballkevin: that's....a lot of anger

me: it's the only time i EVER hump

cannonballkevin: as punishment? that's a pretty effective technique if anything, it will surprise the shit out of people

me: yes it's delightful. i once humped sean so hard, i knocked a framed painting off of someones wall and broke it

cannonballkevin: what he do to deserve that?

me: nothing, i was drunk and confused

cannonballkevin: so it was, like, noon?

me: it was five minutes ago

cannonballkevin: that was the QIX machine unless that's your name for sean

me: ah, no. i never no who i'm humping.

cannonballkevin: like a force of nature the hurricane cares not who is in it's path so too is it with liz's rage-humping

me: that will be the tagline in my movie trailor LIZ MCARTHUR in "HUMPS OF FURY"

cannonballkevin: terror has a new name liz "humps of fury" mcarthur and then something about an asteroid the size of texas

me: "Mr. president, the asteroid is headed straight for earth. The lasers aren't working! The only thing that could stop it would be rum fumes and a pelvic thrust!" "give me my phone"

cannonballkevin: cue music "mcarthur, it's the president. looks like your back." "start drinking."

me: "I never left"

cannonballkevin: "we're gonna need more rum! we're sending her into space, not throwing a tea party!" "you may not like her style, or the horribly awkward post-hump eye-contact, but damnit she gets results!"

me: LIZ MCARTHUR in "HUMPS OF FURY-THE ULTIMATE THRUST"

cannonballkevin: "This time it's personal....really, really personal"

me: then i die as soon as i hit space. i refused a space suit

cannonballkevin: perfect "we really should have insisted on a space suit"

me: then the earth explodes.

cannonballkevin: roll credits

me: stay for after the credits me humping jesus to death cause he let me die

cannonballkevin: this has got mega-hit written all over it super-mega-hit especially cause you death-hump jesus

me: you just don't see movies like that anymore

cannonballkevin: you mean classics? no you don't.

me: couldn't be any sequels BUT thank you george lucas for inventing the "prequel"

cannonballkevin: we'll send him a fruit-basket, after the 3 billion dollar opening weekend

me: that dude don't like fruit
send him a cheeseburger basket
sac o ten
cravecase

cannonballkevin: pow. who doesn't like cravecase? fuck that, get me one. i'm starving.

me: be there in a sec. i have to warn you I'LL PROLLY BE PRETTY ANGRY

cannonballkevin: uh-oh i better get to the storm-cellar storm-cellar = neighbor's apartment

me: i can read

cannonballkevin: .... damnit

me: morons piss me off

cannonballkevin: what if i have rum?

me: that only delays the inevitable

9:00 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

have you ever...
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Blogging

1. accidentally parked your car on a boulder
2. mistaken the "Future home of first bank" for just a "future home", you know, like home of the future...and gotten embarrassingly excited about it
3. gotten locked out of the house while smoking a cigarette with a beer and a PSP-not so bad
4. locked your keys in your car while it was running...for five hours
5. accidentally slept in your back yard
6. accidentally slept at a melt banana concert
7. accidentally slept through your own birthday party at the park
8. on purpose slept through The Urge at Riverport (deservedly so, they are dumb.)
9. been held up against a wall by your neck, backstage at a play (by a fellow 13 year-old), because you were being "too annoying"
10. unknowingly peed in several inappropriate locations
11. washed your phone with your laundry
12. left your phone in a puddle overnight
13. completely misplaced half of the items in your purse including your phone
14. thought you had throat cancer
15. thought you had chiggers
16. thought you got pregnant at 12 from the public pool. (It can happen!! According to a girl at my middle school.)
17. thought you had herpes
18. thought you were going to die before you could drive
19. thought you had a tape worm
20. found out tape worms could make you skinny, tried to get a tape worm
21. hung from the ladder of your bunk bed by your umbros (not by choice)
22. ran away from home while taking out the trash. for five minutes. (we lived by a cemetery! it was terrifying!)
23. wished and wished and wished that for some reason your boss wouldn't wouldn't make it to work...and then she didn't....she broke her hip.
24. thought that in addition to house flies and horse flies there was a third species-The Shoe fly. You know, like that song "shoo fly don't bother me..." Dang shoe flies.
25. accidentally sent an email to everyone at your work of your husband singing and showering. there was butt.
26. found a tape by metal churchin the cemetery and refused to let your friend play it in her radio because it was obviously left there by satan
27. almost signed up with mary kay
28. almost signed up with amway (they tricked us! they put themselves on the internet and called themselves Quixtar!)
29. spent all of your high school graduation money on a car that you were able to drive once before it stopped working. some a-hole convinced you it was worthless and bought it for 75 dollars then almost immediately told you it just needed a tune up. worked on it for weeks in your driveway, trapping you in your house, knocking on your door, using your phone..then disappeared. when you finally went to his house to drop off the title, he was in jail.
30. had a four foot tall hispanic man tell you he wants to buy you a meal...after he'd tried his luck with everyone else in the bar
31. missed your kindergarten field trip because your mom forgot and spent the day making copies for the secretary thinking you were having way more fun than those suckers...until they all came back with balloons
32. vowed to stop dipping things in ranch dressing, but still do it when you're alone.
33. hoped to god that the receiving end of your drunk dial was just as drunk as you were (they never are)
34. wished you'd done everything differently (not everything)
35.
36.
37.
and so on...

Currently listening : The Throne of the Third Heaven of the N By Le Loup Release date: 2007-09-11

6:37 PM - 21 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Remember that party we threw 3 years ago?
Current mood: crunk
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

It was wedding themed? Remember?

Well, we just got all SIX HUNDRED wedding pictures online. They are here, on flickr.

I know. You can't stand it.

Currently playing : Rayman Raving Rabbids Release date: 2006-11-17

12:03 PM - 8 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m incredibly attractive
Current mood: fabulous
Category: Romance and Relationships

Last night I was walking to the gas station down the street to get a diet coke. It was only a block, but it was ten o'clock so I was a little nervous. Once I made it into the bright lights of the Mobil station, I felt safe. I was too busy being nervous about the slow moving van turning past me to notice the tan Crown Victoria pulling up behind me. Inside, a beefy Hispanic fellow yelled, "Excuse me! Can you tell me how to get to wicker park?"

Being brought up on strict diet of fear and stranger safety tips, I knew to stay at least six feet away from his window.

Me-you can take Milwaukee
Him-i want to take the highway to get there fast, is that around here?
M-yep, just make a right, it's right up the street.
H-ok, thanks.

I turn around to walk away.

H-what's your name?
M-liz
H-thanks, liz.

He holds out his hand for me to shake. My brain is telling me if I shake this man's hand, he's going to use the opportunity to pull me into his car, have his way with me and leave me in a dumpster someplace. But my good manners took over and I shook his hand. I was visibly relieved when he loosened his grip and set me free.

H-wanna smoke a joint?
M-uh. no thanks, i'm good.
H-wanna do a bump? (yes, he just offered me coke.)
M-uh. no. (Just say no. Pay attention, kids.)
H-can I get your number? (by this time i'm like 20 feet from his car and we're both shouting.
M- i'm married!
H- what?!
M-I'm totally married! (I held up my hand with my fancy new ring on it)
H-... (He literally burnt rubber.)

Does this really work for dudes? Are there girls out there that say yes? I know the answer is yes, but I'm a little upset that he mistook me for one of those girls.

I can see why that speed dating phenomenon is so popular. I only spoke to this guy for a minute and I know he likes pot, coke, offering drugs to strangers, asking for directions, and girls in pajamas walking down the street.

Not my cup of crazy tea.


****

Currently playing : Super Mario Galaxy Release date: 2007-11-12

8:47 PM - 26 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

Raccoon Farts

Check out my work blog to know more.

Just click it.

Come on! Just click it.

click it or ticket.

Currently listening : Bad For Good: The Very Best of Scorpions By Scorpions Release date: 2002-05-28

9:41 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Class of 97. Drop it like it’s hot?
Current mood: working

I believe that's what it said on our class sweatpants. Yes, we had official sweatpants. Is that weird?

I didn't buy any. I was entirely too cool for sweatpants. They don't go well with flannel.

Anyway, back to "droppin' it like it's hot". I believe that's what we did this past weekend at my 10 (technically 11) year reunion. That is, unless "droppin it like it's hot" means dancing. We didn't do any of that, which was a little disappointing.

If "droppin' it like it's hot" means eating and drinking too much and passing out on someone's couch, then we did, in fact, drop it like it was hot.

Actually I do that all the time.

Weird, and I never bought the sweatpants.

Here are pictures from the reunion.

Currently listening : Transatlanticism By Death Cab for Cutie Release date: 2003-10-07

1:53 AM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment