Birthday Wishes
Current mood: thankful

Hey Everyone!!!

I just wanted to write a quick note to thank all of you who have written me to say Happy Birthday.  Although my B day isnt until the 13th, I have recieved so many birthday wishes from a bunch of you.  I am totally overwhelmed by how thoughtful everyone is, and I had no idea so many people would take the time to make me smile!!!! Im sorry that I cant reply to everyone..I wish I could, but this is why I wanted to post this to let everyone know that I read each and every message and comment, and how much I appreciate them all!!!!! THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE!!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Melissa

10:25 AM - 16 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

I couldnt be happier!!!

I couldnt be happier!!!

So we are on the brink of summer, and everything couldn't be more beautiful.  The great thing about life is the unexpected turns and twists that it takes you on, I guess its true what they say about finding things when you arent looking.  I am so thankful for everything that I have been given in life, and for the amazing people that I have met.  First of my small but CLOSE group of friends..My best friend Laleh who has been there through my struggles over the past few years, and been a reliable source of strength and release, my little chauch Cher who always makes me smile with her crazy life and things that she does, and of course my boys..who even though we dont see each other as much..I know will always be there for me and me for them (Fred L.B, Jordan, Gil and Sean you know this is all YOU).  Who could as for a more wonderful support group....This why all of them will be there when I marry the LOVE OF MY LIFE in 2 months!!!  Yes you all heard right....July 29th I will have the honor and pure luck of marrying my soul mate and the only man I have ever truly loved.  Eric is amazing inside and out.....his love, trust, honesty, support and good heart show through in everything he does.  I have never connected with someone so completely and felt so WHOLE. This makes me want to tell anyone who is in dispair to not give up....dont lose hope..because that person is out there for you..the person who will make you glow from the inside and change your whole life!  I cant wait to walk down the aisle into his arms..and spend my life with him! ;) Smile everyone its summer and its time for change and happiness!!

1:52 PM - 17 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

Feeling Down.....

This is a little blog just to express my confusion and let everyone out there feeling the same know that I understand.  What I mean by confusion is......constantly being let down by people who you let close to you, trying to see in and believe in the ultimate good in people no matter how hidden it is.....but then always being dissapointed when it never surfaces....and just relying on people in general, people who tell you that they are "real" and "not about drama and bullshit"...but in the end thats ALL they are about.  I dont get it...but a good friend has told me that you shouldnt have to look for the good in people..it should shine through on its own, and until it does you should be guarded.  I guess this makes sense...I just hate thinking I need to do that because most people will hurt you if given the chance...its a prett sad and dismal thought.  But he shared with me a quote that I thought was uplifting....so now I will share it with you.

"Did you ever stop to think?...
It's not that you haven't been lucky enough
to find a good and sincere person
to come into your life;
it's just that God knows how precious
your heart is, and He knows there's
no one worthy of having it yet!"
D. Wroe (1998)

7:13 PM - 47 Comments - 60 Kudos - Add Comment

Venting.......

Ok so we all know I model and go go dance based on my obvious pictures......but my god what is the BIG DEAL!  I never knew there were so many haters and judgemental people out there. No one tells you to go click on my page and sort through my thoughts and photos, I dont go and request people to add me as a friend and beg them for attention.....everyone on my friend list was added on their own accord.  I dont sit here and preach to anyone about how they should look, act or live their lives...so whats with all the shit talking!!!!   Why cant people worry about themselves, their own lives and their personal choices and NOT be concerned with mine!  It really irritates me when people feel they have the right to judge me when they dont even know me!  Who are you to look at me and think you have me all figured out?  Do you have a good, stable  career at a company that you have been at since day one and helped build for 7 years??  Do you own your own house and car without help from anyone???  Can you say that you have never touched drugs and dont drink like a fish??  Can you say you use your brain to get yourself where you are at???  Do you go to the gym at least 4 times a  week to keep yourself healthy and in shape??  Do you Deeply care for all your friends and family and feel like you break apart everytime they are in pain???? Can you really look in the mirror and say you are a good, honest person who has never intentionally hurt someone their whole life??  CAN YOU???  Well i can........  Im sick of hearing crap like..."you couldnt bring "her" home to your mom....or "oh my god shes a go go dancer..u kno how girls like "that" are"    ....  actually I know how i am...and thats a pretty damn decent person that any guy would be proud to take home to mom.  I dont sit around and say evil hurtful things about people that I dont even know just to make myself feel better.  I think that people are so twisted, selfish, evil and just out to make others as miserable as they are inside.  But you know what....i dont hurt anyone....i take care of myself...AND i mind my own business...and if i have a friend in need im the first one there. So i challenge anyone who doesnt know me to actually get to know me before you spit out such hate...just because i have modeling pictures or because i love to dance and id rather get paid for it and be on stage instead of down on the floor having slime balls hit on me all night, doesnt make me a bad person. im very proud of who i am and what i have done with my life, disagree with my choices if youd like....but just click off my page and mind your business, because you wont ever see me up in yours!

1:41 PM - 24 Comments - 50 Kudos - Add Comment

TOOOOO FUNNY!!!

This is way too funny.....check out this link for a midweek smile!!!

http://www.theanimenation.com/videos/chin3.wmv

5:52 PM - 2 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

Goodbye

A week ago I took a trip with my family to lay my grandfathers ashes to rest in a cabin we all have shared and enjoyed as a family. And although it was nice to spend the time with my family, which although having diminished greatly over the past year, still has so much love..I lost another piece of me when the ashes were layed in the ground. I take comfort in knowing that he is now in heaven with my grandmother and his youngest son..my uncle...and that they are all looking down on me and my family. I also realized that life is so short, and can be taken from you when you dont expect it....I thought I had forever with these people I have lost, and harsh reality has hit me this year. I found that I need to take something from this, not let them go and have something not be taught from their passing. So in saying goodbye to my grandfather I am also chosing to say goodbye to everything that is hurtful and brings me down in my life. I need to rid myself of this part of me that allows people to hurt me, bring me down and make me feel that I am not worthy of true happiness or love. People that make you feel that you somehow deserve to be treated badly, talked down to, lied to and made to feel like thats the most you will ever recieve from someone. I have a part in me that makes it hard for me to let go of anyone, no matter how hurtful, because I always want to see the better in them..the person they could be. I sit there and hope that If i stick it out they will realize that someone has been there through it all and that they really can be a better person. Im so tired of being a rug...being walked on...and having this desire in me to help people and stand by their side..being taken advantage of. It hurts so much to lose my family, these bits and pieces of happiness that I have had in life..but it hurts even more to think they are looking down at me with sadness and dissapointment. I know more than anything they would just want me to be happy and stop struggling with pain and sadness. I am saying goodbye to all these people who cant stand by and support me as i have always supported them, these people who have time and time again turned their backs on me when I have needed their strength and to have them by my side the most, these people who continue to lie, hurt and decieve me. It is so hard to walk away..but even harder to live my life wondering if this is how it will always be. I just want to be happy...and surround myself by people that want to be a part of that, I dont think thats too much to ask. So goodbye to the past and hello to today. Goodbye grandpa ...grandma and uncle shaun....i know you are my 3 angels who are looking down on me and will guide me through this. I love you and I will miss you.

12:55 PM - 29 Comments - 45 Kudos - Add Comment

STOLEN PASSWORD

Ok so some jackass stole my password and has been logging in and replying stupid shit to people. Just for everyones information...I would NEVER message anyone and talk about hooking up, getting together, giving you what you want ETC ETC ETC! I am no hoe and I dont put myself out there like that EVER! So if you have recieved one of these stanky e mails from my profile, please disregard them because I am not a slut or my space hoe...I am taken and quiet happy with what I've got. Thanks! :)

7:53 PM - 9 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Of course.....

I knew that it was just going too smoothly! I got a call Monday morning from my mom that my Grandfather had just passed away..now let me give you some background on my family. I dont really know my dad so I dont have a family on that side...all I have is my moms side and since I was a baby we have all been super close, my grandma, grandpa and 3 uncles. I was very lucky to have them all in my life and living so close for so long...until 1 1/2 years ago when my grandma passed away..then about 8 months ago my youngest uncle passes away and now my grandfather. Needless to say this came as a huge shock since I had no idea he was even ill....I guess he had gotten lung cancer and my mom wanted to wait and tell me in person......but she never got a chance. So she calls me and all I want to do is go and be ther for her...so i get to work intending to put my asst in charge for the day..and guess what....she of course doesnt come into work! So needing to be responsible and make sure that my job is taken care of, I remain at work. I called my mom to tell her and that I was so sorry I couldnt be there and she says "thats alright, I was more concerned about you." What an amazing pilar of strength. I think I will always be in awe of her. I am so lucky to have her as my mother. I am sad that my family is seemingly being torn away from me one by one...but I am lucky for all of the years I had with them, and happy that my grandma and grandpa have been reunited.
I want to tell everyone..please ....let your friends and family know how mcuh they mean to you..spend as much time with them as you can...because you never know when they might be gone.
R.I.P
Frank N.
Joan N.
Shaun N.
You will always be in my heart <3

3:36 PM - 5 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

February already????

My gosh its feb 2005! I just cant believe it! I guess its true that time goes by faster and faster the older you get! hahaha So this month I have good things going...I move into my new house with the all important pool in back in a couple of weeks..I cant wait! I finally traded my cov M3 in for the 6 speed hard top model....so much better (dont ever get a conver. they are a PAIN) and everything seems to be going pretty well. Of course there are always some bumps in the road...and Im sure once I get into my house with all the contractors working and what not theres BOUND to be some kind of drama...but I cant complain too much about '05 as of yet....except the fact that taxes are due in 2 month! EW Oh and i have to spend the next few weekends packing..to move it all and turn around and spend the next few weekends after that UNpacking! I hope this is the last move for awhile and I can settle in! I know that its going to be bag lunches and home cooked dinners for a loooong time, but hey its an investment right??? umm ya sure Ill keep telling myeslf that. hahahhaha So I lag on new pictures, shoots and going out to shows and what not because I am super super busy....be on the lookout for new stuff sometime in March. Till then its pack and unpack for me....but hey think of all the cool pool pics i can take now....or better yet just doing nothing and chilling on a raft....ya now that sounds good! Margarita anyone? hehheeh :)

1:53 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

WEBSITE BACK UP!!!

Guess what?!?!??!!? After what seemed like FOREVER my site is back up...but now that its been down for sooo long it needs some serious updating...so give it time to be brought up to date! hahahah :) It'll get back to normal eventually....**sigh*** For now all my updated pics and event info are on my yahoo club...so check it out :) My Yahoo Club

1:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment