School is out for summer! oops, winter....
Current mood: melancholy
Category: School, College, Greek

After 3 weeks of living off cigarettes and coffee (great for my diet) and non stop nerves and worries, i finally finished school today!!!! i passed all my finals and i am DONE DONE DONE. Friday is graduation day where i will be showcasing myself in this silly hat and big (fake) smile. i should be happy but somehow it feels like an anticlimax. maybe its because all my adrenalin is used up by now and i feel more then tired (note to self- GO TO BED!!!) maybe its because I'm upset about other things in my life (mustering up courage to write about it on my next blog).... but damn it, i shall be happy again!

9:28 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The reappearance of my friend Karma
Category: Life

i had a weird day. lost my car keys in a store while shopping.
I was still at work so I panicked when i couldn't find them anywhere and it was taking forever.
Usually i carry my bag with me everywhere but this time i left it all in the car with my cellphone and all the phone numbers.
Finally I had to give up and call a towing company to open the door 
and was told it would cost me a year's membership....GOLD membership!
Boy, they really know how to swindle people in panic. By that time i was all- whatever! just come over and open my door!!!!
I was ready to sulk all day and feel sorry for myself. HOW CAN ONE PERSON BE SO UNLUCKY?????
But just then, a car stopped in front of me with a big key painted on it. A LOCKSMITH!
I ran to the poor unsuspecting guy and almost attacked him, asking him if he could help me.
He didnt have the right tools with him but still he tried with a screwdriver and some wire and string and all sort of weird stuff.
It was just like a Macgyver episode...LOL
Finally after 30 -40 min he got it open and didnt want any payment for it.
Good people are still out there, I'm a believer again!
i was so happy i had to give him a hug.
Just in time I called the towing company and cancelled everything
so it didnt cost me a penny!
Now comes the even more amazing luck, I still didnt have my keys but then i just remembered the fact that i was looking for
my spare keys for days and couldnt find them and  this very morning after i got
into work i opened a pocket in my bag that i never use( a girly bag with 100 pockets...) and saw the keys.
i said to myself, well its nice to finally know where they are....and then a few hours
later i needed them. if thats not the intervention of karma, i dont know what is.

Currently listening : Genius Loves Company By Ray Charles Release date: 31 August, 2004

6:28 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

My sad attempt at poetry
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Romance and Relationships

Asleep...

Holding back. 

Protecting myself from feeling from wanting from hurting from the truth.

Building a wall so high no one can get in.

Life is comfortably numb. No surprises, decisions or emotions

Brick by brick you broke down my wall, sneaked in behind the facade and left me naked for all to see.

I don't even remember how it happened, it must have been while i was sleeping or blinking or temporarily insane.

Awake...

Drinking in the glory of love

The promise for the futur

Opening the door for my innermost wants and needs

Facing up to my toughest critic-Me

The rush of happiness is so overpowering

A drug I can't get enough of and its you and only you who can supply it.

My addiction is relentless and all consuming

For one week (or was it one minute) it was perfection

but like all highs, the fall back down is long and painful

Thoughts running through my mind confusing me, hurting me, pointing a finger at me as if to say- "I told you so!" 

I'm drowning. Struggling  to stay afloat, get my sense of self back.

BREATH PLEASE BREATH!

Asleep again... 

The wall rebuilt

It was not meant to be

1:29 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Steve Irwin is dead....RIP
Current mood: sad
Category: News and Politics

Steve Irwin, The crocodile hunter is dead, 44 years old.......

He was killed when a stingray barb punctured his chest during the filming and underwater documentary.

i can't believe it....its so sad.

I cant even count all the hours i spent in front of the TV watching him on animal planet. Following him, his wife and later his little girl in all the crazy wild adventures he went through....Always enthusiastic and daring, Advocating that all creatures big or small, are beautiful and amazing.

I guess he went out of this world the way he wanted to...

May he rest in peace, he will be missed in the world.

Crikey!

9:51 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The circle of life
Current mood: bored
Category: Blogging

Have you ever thought about how wonderful life would have been if the cycle of life was reversed?

You start off dead

You wake up in a retirement home being taken care of

Slowly you get better and better until you are kicked out because you are too healthy

Going into retired life, you are indulging yourself....being artistic, travelling, playing golf, enjoying life...

When you had your fill you are thrown into work for about 40-50 years....

Then comes school, you are on top of the world! parties, drinking, casual sex...fun fun fun!

Then you are a child. Playing with friends, being loved and pampered by mom and dad...no responsibilities....

As a baby you are exploring your world from the safe arms of your parents, not aware of your needs -they are all being fulfilled for you.

At the end, you go out of this world in a big bang of an orgasm.

OK, i can see a few logistics problems but still.....its a nice thought :)

5:55 AM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Twins
Current mood: curious
Category: Blogging

Guys...before you get all your sexual juices flowing thinking its about every mans fantasy, relax , its not :P

Just a thought....

In my class there is a girl, she is one half of a pair of  twins. They both go to the same school, started at the same time, look exactly the same, dress the same and act the same.

At first I said hello as I passed them by the hallway, but after I have mistaken their identity so many times I just stopped. I thought it was embarrassing to talk to the wrong person every time. Today the same happened...That made me think about how many times it must have happened in their lives, that people just stopped reaching out because they never knew which one they were approaching.

As a child i remember having a fantasy about having a twin. all the fun and mischief we could have had together. Today i thought, do i really want a copy of me? someone you look at and see yourself in...Someone that is you, that might be doing better in life then you.... Someone everybody will compare you to all the time.

How would i feel being jealous at a better version of me?

I'm happy to be unique, one Maya in the world is enough.

Maybe i should reach out tomorrow.....

11:53 AM - 6 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The universe as we know it is coming to an end!!
Current mood: contemplative
Category: News and Politics

The universe as we know it is coming to an end!!!

Yes people, its true. but dont be too alarmed its not nuclear war or the final disintegration of the ozone layer baking us to crisps....

This time its our scientists. The International Astronomical Union  has officially decided that Pluto is no longer a planet, its been demoted to a "dwarf planet"....(just imagine how that made him feel!! but we all know its not the size, its what you do with it )

That means that our solar system has only eight planets now: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.

Just imagine what that means! All school books have to be reprinted...the knowledge we all posses in our heads have to be erased and relearned. And what will all the astrologists do?? think of that! How will they chart our lives and tell us when we are going to die and how? -Hey! wait just one minute. Everything makes sense to me now...all the times i had my chart done, it turned out to be wrong. like the time my ex´s mother died and coming back from her funeral there was a letter waiting for her from her private astrologist saying- you will start a new life and a new job in the near future....(I hope she really did, she was a very fine woman)  now I know that it was because they had faulty information about the planets....they had one too many. 

So whats next?

black holes are really deflating holes, to suck the air out of the universe because we are actually really a big beach ball that our "God" is deflating after a nice relaxing day at the beach with the family?....well, my theory is as good as all the others :P

2:18 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Thoughts of the day
Current mood: content
Category: Blogging

Ive noticed a trend going in my blogs...they are mostly depressing and sad....so to make up for that ive decided to write something uplifting and happy.

Thoughts of the day- I have non! almost just woke up and my brain is blank...how do writers do this?

 ill just keep writing and see if something interesting come up.

Don't you just love waking up in the morning with a smell of crap in the air? is sweetgirl being all nasty you ask? no. i live in the country and am blessed with the smell of crap and a gazillion (is that a number? if not, its my invention, patent pending!!) flies every summer...uh oh...here i go again being negative....ok, moving on.

I went to this Western theme town party yesterday. it was nice...except for the fact that the food they sold was pizza and hot-dogs and roasted pig and the street shops were filled with toys and jewelry and clothes....And people dare say that cowboys had a rough time in the wilderness back in the day, when in fact all they did was buy jewelry and eat pizza and play with toys! Hey, that sounds like complaining....moving on...

I'm starting school in 3 days. yes, you may imagine me in a school uniform with pig tails...might as well get that out of the way. All the students were invited to a meeting about the school and activities. when i arrived (20 min too late because i got lost like 5 times along the way) i noticed that all the other students were kids... maybe 17-19. needless to say it made me feel old. i dont feel 30 and have been told that i dont look it but being faced with this conversation i felt it that day- "so did your mom give you money to go out? my dad is so stupid...he wont let my boyfriend sleep over this weekend because last weekend we got all drunk and missed school and the teacher called them...." and it went on and on while my own conversation in my head was-" i wonder when i get my tax return...the mortgage is do next month so i have to call the bank...i wonder if that unidentified thing in the freezer is food or i should stop by the supermarket on the way back home...." OMG! ive done it again...where are my happy thoughts??? moving on.....

Not a happy thought, but something that occupies my mind a lot lately. the situation in Israel / Lebanon. as i wrote, i was born in Israel and i have friends and family there. im very worried about them. i dont want to get all political here....who is to blame, who started the whole thing...im just sick of it all by now.

OK!!! here goes, happy thought. Sweetgirl aka PapayaMaya aka Illusion is in love. And as we all know, that feeling is so powerful and all consuming that it overpowers all the negative, all the bad and the smell of crap in the morning :)

YAY! i did it, it worked!!! a happy blog....

Currently listening : Out of the Depths By Idan Raichel's Project

1:06 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

(keeping with my illusion theme)- Disillusioned....
Current mood: disappointed

i just learned something today that shook my trust in people. A person I've been chatting with for quite some time has turn out to be a liar. He lied about everything. From the picture he posted of himself to his everyday life. Now people, you dont have to be sorry for me, he was just a friend and nothing more. but it did leave me with a bad taste in my mouth...

The victim here is a very nice girl that fell for him online. They have met for the first time yesterday after a stormy romance on cyberspace and she didnt even recognize him. She had to ask him for his ID just to be sure its him. She was devastated! I have to say this, i cant believe he actually show up, what did he think, she will see past all the lies and they will live happily ever after? I know , I know....you probably think right now that it happens all the time. Many people lie in this wonderful magical land of cyberspace where you can reinvent yourself and be whatever you want to be. Still......i had trust.

The thing that bothers me the most, apart being lied to about everything, is that i believed him. i never questioned him. i bought into the whole story of HIM. Am i really this trusting? maybe naive? i thought i was a good judge of character....i really need to examine myself.

And dont get me wrong, its not only guys....

A friend, a guy, posted an add just for fun (or that is what he said...wink wink nudge nudge) and he got several replays from model type woman that are oddly enough scientists/ brain surgeons with a sob story like (taken from a true letter)- both my parents died from a horrible disease and left me all alone, locked in the house with no contact to the outside society. i grew up with no friends and afraid of people. until the day i was seduced by a man from Ghana that took me to his country. Only to wake up the next morning with my life savings and belongings gone and a note on the table saying - thanks for the money, i went to be with my true love that lives in my village. (And the incredible story goes on-) The hotel owner took my passport so i will not flee the country. The only thing i have is 50$ for the Internet (you have money for the net and not food?????) and i owe  the hotel 1000$. (Here comes the reason for this lovely letter-) Please, please, send me money and rescue little me, i will of course pay you back in any way i can and be your sex slave for ever!!! (i just put that last sentence there because that is what i think men think)

The most incredible thing is, that men actually fall for that and send money!!! how stupid can you get? suckers!  Now that i think about it, this person could just as well be a guy!

Anyway, i guess you have to be careful here. dont be too trusting. Don't give too much personal information and if you are getting serious about someone check him/her out before doing something stupid. But i guess you all heard that before......

I hope when i wake up the world will once again be a great and wonderful place....a little less innocent but still great.

2:25 PM - 4 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

Its just an illusion
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Romance and Relationships

Someone very smart and at times evil asshole (his own words which i dont agree with) told me a few days ago that my name Maya, in Sanskrit means illusion. My initial reaction was wow! that is cool. that is so me! Maybe it ties in with my burning desire to be a Super Secret Super Agent with code name PapayaMaya...lol (sorry papa band-aid i blurted out the name, now you will have to come up with a new one) But then i started thinking....what is so cool about being an illusion? nothing. i want to be real, i want to be me, i want to the person that IS that illusion.

Talking about illusion made me think a bit further. Can a person really fall in love with someone they never met? can written words be so powerful and amazing that they can overrule nature and make your heart skip a beat , your pulse go faster, your judgment to fail?

What about all the physical aspects that needs to be there for two people to fall in love? the chemical aspect of it? the pheromons, the adrenalin, the smell, the touch, the fascination with that persons mannerism, voice....everything that makes that person real and tangible. is that not necessary at all?

So the question is, is falling for someone online just an illusion? the illusion of love, because you want it to be that, but in reality its just fascination.  What if you suddenly dont have any written contact for a while? can it stand that test and prevail when the very thing your whole relationship is built on, the very foundation is taken away? in "real" relationships you have memories of the body, the face, things experienced together to keep with you at all times. To fill your mind and heart when you are not close to each other.

And then you have the first meeting.... although you have chatted for what seems like forever and you think you know everything about each other, you have still to pass the biggest test. The meeting. Everything can happen. you can hit it off, you can be delighted and surprised for the better, it can be the happiest day in your life! but it can also be disappointing, a big fucking let down. The smell can be all wrong, the person could be annoying it can be a nightmare because you have built this whole relationship up and you know within the first minute that it will never work. so should you ever meet or just keep the illusion? in other words- Maya.

Btw, my new picture is in solidarity with my friends and family in Israel that are going through very scary times right now.  My thoughts are with you always! Its not a political statement, I just want peace for all of us, everywhere.

This has nothing with my blog, but i just heard it in a song by Matisyahu and liked it very much-

"Hassidics explain that everything in this world, everything in this life has an inner essence, an inner soul. And when it started out, before the soul was reincarnated to this life, into this body and time and place that we find our selves, it was basking above in the rays of godliness. And it comes into this world for one reason, that it should transform the darkness into light. It should take the darkness and turn it into light and so- lift it up. lift it up, LIFT IT UP!"

OK, enough rambling from me. I've been filled with poems, songs and thoughts for the past 3 days.....i miss.....never mind.

take care, who ever reads this :)

Currently listening : Live At Stubbs By Matisyahu Release date: 23 August, 2005

11:07 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment