Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 21
Sign: Scorpio
Signup Date:
08/08/04
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008
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7:01 AM - Episode 28 - Now There’s Two
Last Time:
A week after James had recovered from his overdose, he recalls the state of his life with Reese. James feels lost and out of control. He figures this feeling stems from the fact that too many unanswered questions rule his life at the moment. Reese tells James that Daniel was the one who found him in the bathroom and took him to the hospital. James isn't sure what to do with that information…
It had been weeks since they spoke to one another, but now Ricki and James were finally face to face after all this time.
 So how've you been? I'm glad you are all right.
 I'm fine… I mean I'm feeling better.
It was a bit awkward for the two of them. James decided to break through it and say what he needed to say.
Look, I like you. Plain and simple. I don't want to let this opportunity go… whatever it is between you and me, I would like to find out what it is. However, that being said, I also want you to know that I'm not ready for a full-blown relationship yet. If it happens naturally, then cool. I'm fine with that. But I just need to deal with some shit first before I can bring someone else into my life like that. You know what I mean?
Ricki looked at James for a moment with perplexing eyes.
I understand. Just as long as we get to hang out more, I'm fine with that. I like you too and I'm willing to wait for you.
James smiled. Ricki was more attractive than ever before. It was the first real mature response from someone he'd heard in ages. It made him want to date Ricki even more so, but he knew he couldn't jump the gun like that. It was the right thing to wait until the dust settled some more.
A few hours later, James met up with Keli for some lunch. It had been a while since they had seen each other, but James figured he needed to catch up with all of his friends after his little "incident." Keli gave James a big hug.
 I'm so glad you are okay. To be honest, I've been pretty anti-social until I heard the news. I think Daniel is an ass by the way.
Haha, thanks Keli. I'm not looking for any Daniel hate talk today. I was just stupid.
I don't think you are stupid. I've been there before… this whole situation with Lauren definitely had me at that point… I just didn't go through with it. I know how it feels though, to just feel like you have no where else to go.
Well, that wasn't completely how I was feeling. I can handle big shit when it gets thrown my way… I can't handle it when I'm not prepared for it. Seeing Daniel in bed with another guy… I definitely wasn't prepared to see that.
All of a sudden, Keli's phone began to ring. So did James'.
Keli looked at her phone and saw it was Lauren calling her. James looked at his phone and saw that Brad was calling him. James and Keli looked at one another.
I have to—
Me too—
James answers his phone.
 You know me very well, James. You know I don't do this. But I've been thinking and I realize you've been going through a lot. Even though that doesn't excuse the fact that you broke a promise, I'm going to give you a second chance.
Thank you—
BUT… don't let it happen again.
Wait… what? You mean I still can't mess around with Reese?
Correct. This is what you must do to keep my friendship. Don't make the promise if you can't keep it.
James thought for a moment. He's going to be moving in with Reese in a few weeks anyway. Having a sexual relationship with his room mate would be a recipe for disaster. Wouldn't it?
So?
Okay, fine! My friendship with you means more to me than any kind of hook up. I want you to know, for the record, that it's not going to be easy.
I know. That's the point.
Ugh…
Brad continued the conversation with delight. He talked about the newest guy he was interested in - it was as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them.
Meanwhile, Keli was on the phone with Lauren.
What do you mean? Are you for real? Just like that—
 Yes, I want to meet up in person. I think we should talk.
Are you still mad at me?
I was never mad at you… Like I said, we should meet up. How does Friday sound?
Friday is good.
All right then. I will see you on Friday.
Keli ended her conversation just as James ended his. They looked at one another with shock.
Wow.
No shit.
Naturally, they shared their phone conversations with one another. James' newfound knowledge of what it would cost to continue his friendship with Brad upset him, but he knew in the end that it would be worth it. As for Keli, however, Friday could not arrive fast enough...
All characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination and are not to be perceived as real. Anything which bears resemblance to actual places, events, or people living or dead are entirely coincidental.
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Monday, July 07, 2008
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7:01 AM - Episode 27 - Starts With One
Last Time:
After a night of drinking with Lauren, James comes home to an unannounced party. He walks in on Daniel and Kasey in bed together and starts having a panic attack. He takes an excesive amount of Ibuprofen and he overdoses. James experiences vivid flashbacks from his childhood. One in particular is of a memory he has never recalled before – messing around with a guy while dating Daniel. James knows he recognizes the guy, but when he wakes up in a hospital bed, he can't recall who it was…
James looked at Reese with hungry eyes.
 Oh my God, give it to me, I need it inside me right now!
Then take it out first.
Reese began to unwrap his cheeseburger. As he took a huge bite, a group of guys looked over at them with strange looks. The two of them laughed.
Wow, did I just say that out loud?
Yes, you did! Haha!
Reese put his hand over James' palm.
I'm glad you are all right.
James simply smiled.
I just snapped you know? Seeing Daniel in bed with Kasey… another guy… I just couldn't handle it.
James looked down and tried his hardest to keep it together.
You don't have to explain yourself. You know you could have called me if you needed to get out of there. You can call me anytime.
Brad hasn't spoken to me either since I told him you and I hooked up. I don't remember if I told you or not, but we kind of had an agreement that neither of us would pursue you. A bros before hoes deal, I suppose.
Well, I'm sure he'll come around.
I had some weird flashbacks during my overdose… and the last one I had… it was really strange. I think I might have cheated on Daniel.
Look, you are dealing with enough, you don't need to worry about all this stuff. I mean, seriously, you need to calm your mind. Stress got you into trouble just a week ago.
Well, it bothers me, you know? There's too many unanswered questions in my life right now. I still don't know who gave my name to the health department, I have no idea what that last flashback meant, I have no clue whether or not to date Ricki, I don't know if Brad will ever talk to me again, or if I'll ever get past Daniel. Ugh… I just can't wait to move out of the apartment.
Reese gave James a knowing look.
What?
Well… I thought you should know… Daniel was the one who found you in the bathroom. He was the one who took you to the hospital. The rest of us looked after you until you woke up.
Wait, you mean it wasn't Ricki who found me?
Reese shook his head. James wasn't sure whether he should call Daniel to thank him or not. And if he did, what would he say? Could it possibly make their friendship better?
Reese and James proceeded to eat their food, now in the absence of laughter.
All characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination and are not to be perceived as real. Anything which bears resemblance to actual places, events, or people living or dead are entirely coincidental.
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Friday, June 27, 2008
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7:01 AM - Episode 26 - I Can’t Feel
Last Time:
After an overdose on Ibuprofen pills, James experiences a series of flashbacks. The first is from 7th grade where he meets Paul for the first time. They immediately become best friends, but their relationship soon becomes romantic. The next flashback from 8th grade introduces the fun-loving Arlo, who leads James to question his relationship with the closeted and self conscious Paul. Eventually, James breaks up with Paul for Arlo. James feels the repressed guilt of memories past. Can he handle much more of these reflections?
The darkness grew thinner as a thin ray of light revealed Daniel's face. The next flashback had begun. James felt two emotions at once. James remembered the high he had felt when he first met Daniel, but he also knew the feeling in the pit of his stomach, the pain that followed Daniel and their breakup with one another.
James was entranced by the simultaneous contrast of his emotional limbo. He wanted to kiss Daniel. He wanted to hurt Daniel. He wanted to forgive and forget, but he also wanted to seek revenge.
Just then, James recognized the memory. It was his senior year of high school – the year when he first met and began dating Daniel.
Suddenly a series of memories washed over James: Their first kiss in front of the Hollywood sign, their high school Prom, their first night making love in the moonlight, celebrating each others' birthdays, their first argument…
James heard the lyrics to a familiar song. It was their song: "Boats and Birds" by Gregory and the Hawk.
If you be my star
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me and come out at night
When I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine
But you can skyrocket away from me
And never come back if you find another galaxy
Far from here with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by
If you be my boat
I'll be your sea
A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free
But you can set sail to the west if you want to
And past the horizon till I can't even see you
Far from here where the beaches are wide
Just leave me your wake to remember you by
If you be my star
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me and come out at night
When I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine
But you can skyrocket away from me
And never come back if you find another galaxy
Far from here with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by
Stardust to remember you by
Ever since James heard the song, he always thought about Daniel. He wasn't sure if Daniel thought so as well, but James thought of it as their song.
He couldn't hold it in anymore. James felt a tear stroll down his cheek. The song represented the founding values their relationship was based on. James watched from afar as he and Daniel spoke to one another.
Suddenly, James was thrown backward and he was in bed with someone. James was messing around with him… was it behind Daniel's back? James didn't remember this ever happening. He didn't know who he was in bed with at first, but he felt as if he knew the guy - recognized him at least.
This bothered James. Was this a flase memory? Was it repressed? Did James cheat on Daniel? If so, when and with whom?
The mystery guy looked up at James and he knew who it was immediately.
 How are you feeling?
The guy winked and the world went black.
James suddenly woke up in a hospital bed. He looked down and felt his body. He was finally back in the real world.
James took a moment to reflect upon the flashbacks he had just experienced. A mixture of memories that played with his emotions… James thought to himself:
If knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently.
But wouldn't everyone?
Hey you.
James was startled by the voice. He looked over and saw Ricki sitting at his bedside.
How are you feeling?
James was immediately reminded of his last memory before waking up. He tried to remember who it was he had been messing around with… But he had the hardest time remembering. Could it have been Ricki?
Ricki simply smiled at James. James smiled back. If James ever had a chance to do things differently, his chance had been sitting by his side the whole time.
All characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination and are not to be perceived as real. Anything which bears resemblance to actual places, events, or people living or dead are entirely coincidental.
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Wednesday, June 25, 2008
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7:01 AM - Episode 25 - I Can’t Hear
Last Time:
James experiences a flashback from 7th grade. In this memory, he meets Paul for the first time and they become best friends. During his younger years, Paul is revealed to have been an unpopular, unattractive teenager whom no one likes – except for James. By the end of the memory, they share their first kiss with one another.
The darkness began to take form once again and James was suddenly back in 8th grade. He immediately remembered this day. It was the first day of 8th grade to be exact.
 Hey there!
Uh... h—hi!
Arlo started attending James' school that year. Immediately, they caught each other's attention. Unfortunately, that came to Paul's expense. Arlo didn't like Paul... and James had been dating Paul since last year.
Why do you even hang out with him?
He's a total cutie and really nice!
Eh, I'm not feelin' it… I have to disagree. I don't know what you see in him.
James began hanging out with Arlo more often. It came to the point when Arlo convinced James to come out at his school. It wasn't intentional on Arlo's part, but he would say certain things that would eventually lead to James coming out of the closet… at school anyway.
Trust me, I know what it's like to date a closet case like Paul. It's all about them. I quickly grew tired of being treated like some secret under the rug.
You really think he's being selfish?
Oh totally! I mean think about it. He's enjoying the benefits of dating and fucking you, but you want a little public recognition and he's not willing to do that for you? Sounds selfish to me.
After a few more weeks, Arlo's influence began to show itself in James' relationship with Paul.
I think we should break up!
 What?? Why?
It had come out of nowhere for Paul. Everything was fine… Wasn't it?
We mess around just like any other couple, but you don't kiss me! You don't show me affection, you are still hiding from yourself…
I'm just… not ready to be affectionate yet. I'm still getting used to the whole idea of two guys liking each other…
No one even knows we are dating!
Just because you've jumped out of the closet doesn't mean I'm quite ready yet.
This is just getting hard for me. I think we should just be friends.
James, I'm not ready to come out yet…
Well, that's just it. I am.
There was a short moment of silence.
This is about Arlo isn't it? You like him, don't you?
What? No! Of course not! This has nothing to do with anyone else but us.
But sure enough, Arlo and James began dating two weeks later.
James looked back upon this memory and felt the delayed guilt after so many years. Oh how nieve he'd been. He had been the selfish one. James wasn't sure what had caused this emotional limbo… but he wasn't sure if he could handle much more of this.
Just as quickly as the memory had come, it vanished into blackness. James felt his psyche move toward the next memory. It would be the most difficult one…
Daniel's face appeared.
All characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination and are not to be perceived as real. Anything which bears resemblance to actual places, events, or people living or dead are entirely coincidental.
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Monday, June 23, 2008
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8:21 AM - Episode 24 - I Can’t See
Last Time:
After a night of drinking, James comes home to an unannounced party at 3:00am. He can't sleep on the couch because people are in the living room, so he enters the single bedroom only to see Daniel and Kasey in bed together. James has a panic attack and locks himself in the bathroom. He ingests twenty Ibuprofen pills and before he knows it, the world goes black…
The blackness surrounded James like a blanket. The world was gone.
After a few moments, the shadows began to lift and James could see a little bit of light. James looked around. He wasn't sure where he was at first, but after his eyes adjusted he recognized everything. James was a little kid again. 7th grade to be exact. Oh, how he hadn't missed the awkward clothes, poor fashion sense, the high voice, and lack of friends.
James only remembered the year because it was when he first met—
Hello, my name is Paul.
James smiled back at him. Paul was an awkward kid, a bit overweight, and nerdy as hell. Everyone talked about how much they hated Paul, mostly because of his under-developed social skills, but James had a secret crush on him. So he took this opportunity to become Paul's friend, never expecting what the future might hold.
Hey Paul, I've heard a lot about you. You want to hang out this weekend?
A few months later, James and Paul became best friends. James knew he was gay, but he hadn't told anyone about it yet. He wasn't sure if he should tell Paul yet or not for multiple reasons. James still had no idea if Paul was gay or not. To be honest, James didn't really care if Paul was straight or gay, he was just happy to have a friend like Paul.
However, it was during one Friday night sleep over when their friendship would change forever. James and Paul were watching a movie at Paul's house. It was about 2:00am when a discussion was sparked.
Bobby and Rick made fun of me again today. They made fun of how fat and stupid I am.
Okay, first of all, you aren't fat or stupid. You know, I go through a lot of the same stuff you do. They may not call me fat, but it's not really about whether or not someone is fat. They make fun of you because they are jealous of something and they are trying to lower you to their level so they feel happier about themselves. Trust me.
Paul looked at James with a keen eye.
You really think that's why they are so mean?
Sure, why not? I mean I get made fun of all the time by certain guys, but people don't hate me like people hate them.
Hmm, I suppose you are right. I'm really surprised that people make fun of you. What could they ever make fun of you about?
James was silent for a moment. He was ashamed to admit it…
They call me gay all the time…
Paul looked down for a moment, then returned his eyes to James.
Well, even if you were I don't think that would be a bad thing.
The two boys smiled at one another.
I don't think it would be bad either.
Silence fell between them, but only for a short moment.
James, do you think we will always be best friends?
I don't see why not. I mean, I hope so. I'm pretty sure we will be.
Before he knew it, Paul was kissing him. James closed his eyes and accepted it. It was the single happiest moment of his life.
After a while, James opened his eyes only to see the world around him turn dark once again. James' happiness was swept away and he was alone. Alone in his drug induced exile.
All characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination and are not to be perceived as real. Anything which bears resemblance to actual places, events, or people living or dead are entirely coincidental.
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