Nil.
Current mood: complacent
Category: Life

I don't have anything substantial to share with you.
I can't update you on major life events.
I can't tell you about things that are changing or evolving.
There won't be any talk of plans, goals or hopes.


Because there are none.


I'm stress-free and my anxiety is low.
Do I feel like I'm wasting my life? Maybe.
I didn't go to college. I don't plan to.
I won't have a degree or a certification.
Is that wrong?
What's so bad about just working?
I may not make as much money as you someday.
I won't have a diploma to hang on my wall.
But I'll have a wall. Just like you.
And if the thing that lives inside my 4 walls is happiness...
...does it matter how it got there?

Maybe I'll change my mind one day.
Maybe I'll discover something I'm passionate about.
I could take a chance instead of playing it safe.
But there's a reason people play it safe.




It feels so good.

Currently listening : Happenstance By Rachael Yamagata Release date: 2004-06-08

7:56 AM - 7 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

And I got to thinking...
Current mood: intense

I was watching tv today, as I spend a great deal of my time off doing, and I saw an ad for Dixie paper plates. One of the arguments made by the actress was it gives her the convenience of spending less time doing dishes and more time with her family. While that's great and all I couldn't help but think...is 20 minutes with your family worth buying a product which requires acres and acres worth of wood to produce? It's not very good for ones eco-footprint, not to mention the environment as a whole. Not to mention the extra cost. Why buy plates you'll throw away when you have a cabinet full of perfectly good re-usable ones?

Paper IS recyclable, however, when it's thrown in a garbage bag which is taken to a landfill it doesn't do any good. Even if the bag were slit open and all the paper removed it would have to be washed, bleached, processed, etc. Any recycled paper product goes through this process anyhow but only if it ends up in recycle bins. I don't see many suburban moms rinsing off Dixie plates to toss them in the recycling. That would cut into that precious 20 minutes of bonus family time!

As I thought about it more, and don't ask my why this 30-second ad sparked so much inner reflection, I began to weigh the pros and cons. Paper plates ARE convenient, but what goes into their production? First some ungodly amount of wood has to be gathered, de-barked, refined, etc. That's just the materials side. The factory has to use X amount of oil in its production of any product. So we have 2 natural resources: wood and petroleum products. Then once the plates are made they must be packaged. More petroleum products. In this process, how many pounds of CO2 were emitted? Wouldn't it be better to buy a plate made of stoneware, use it, wash it and repeat? Maybe.

I thought this would be the more logical, more eco-friendly option but I also weighed the pros and cons of it. Stoneware or glass plates are reusable and, unless broken, good forever. Of course they have to be manufactured as well. So we have the same cons as the paper plates: collection of materials, processing and creation of the plate, packaging, etc. However once you've bought it it's yours to use over and over. So let's say you eat some lovely meal off your immortal dish. What next? It's dirty. Wash it. This led me to my next thought. Cleaning the plate requires more materials than the paper plate. You don't even clean it, you throw it away. Bam, done! To wash a dish one needs detergent, a rag or sponge and water. The dish soap had to be created in the same way as either type of plate and it also requires petroleum products and possibly even more chemicals than the plates themselves. Same thing with the sponge or cloth. More manufacturing, more chemicals.

So let's compare: would it be more eco-friendly to buy paper plates for a year knowing what goes into their production and what happens to them when their use has been fulfilled, or eat from reusable plates and have to wash them? Is it more logical to throw paper away everyday to save the many gallons of both water and detergent needed to wash and reuse stoneware? Or, does it make more sense to buy one set of dishes, use them repeatedly but have to wash them almost daily and use other products in the process? Would the wasted water and dish soap fill the void made by the absence of paper plates?

Who knew advertising could be so unintentionally stimulating?

Currently listening : Hotel California By Eagles Release date: 1990-10-25

2:11 AM - 7 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

They call her Sunshine, the kind that everybody knows

To hell with Punxsutawney Phil, I declare today the first day of Spring!


Today I had some errands to run. I couldn't have asked for a more gorgeous day to do them! It's warm, it's SUPER sunny and the light finally has the glow of summer (I will maintain to my last day that the sunlight in the winter is like fluorescent light; cold, sterile, depressing). I had time to kill so I took a glorious drive around town and, snow aside, it felt like the middle of June. I even had my heater on the lowest setting because it was just too damn hot in there.

One of my stops along my "Summer's Comin' 2008 City-Wide Tour" was good old Taco Smell. I got a pop and a burrito and decided that instead of parking in front of Creamer's Field I would take my burrito by Pro Music and eat by the river. Much to my amusement, I had company within a minute of parking! It made me SO happy to know that I'm not the only one who likes to get fast food, park somewhere pretty and stuff my face with the music up. So it was nice to eat lunch with total strangers. And the girl behind the wheel was totall rocking out to whatevershewaslisteningto. Everytime I say to myself "I hate this town, blahgaahahah" something like that happens to make me think "what a funny fucking place this is!".

Also, for those of you NOT in the know, KENNY-FUCKING-G. IS COMING TO TOWN!!! Hahahahahaha!!! I've talked my friend Amanda into going with me on the grounds that we go drunk. I think it would be the highlight of my life to get ejected from a Kenny G. concert for being drunk. In fact, I think I'd like that on my headstone.

On a similar note, I went to the Presidents of the United State of America concert on Friday. What a blast! Of course, I was 29 sheets to the wind, so even, say, a Kenny G. concert would be fun. I drank more liquor than I care to disclose and even made friends with the cocktail waitress (she gave me a free Trash Can, which was one of 12861750123751). It seems to me that the past year and a half has been amazing for concerts in little ol' Fairbanks. Matisyahu, Shiny Toy Guns, Cake, Fuel, Eve 6, Rick Ross, The Misfits, etc... Now Musiq Soulchild will be in Anchorage on March 22nd! And, how can I forget, the Guinness world record-holder, Mr. Kenny G. Hahahah.

Currently listening : The Moneymaker By Rilo Kiley

4:29 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The American Dream.
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

Call me old fashioned. Call me a hopeless romantic. Call me a pathetic loser.

All I want is the simple life.

I want a husband.
I want a white house with green trim.
I want 2 dogs.
I want 2 kids.
I want 2 cars.
I want a  mortgage.
I want PTA meetings.
I want business trips.
I want dinner parties.


And, more than likely, I'll never get it.

Except maybe the dogs.
But they'll die before I do.

2:57 AM - 13 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

See me morph into Dave Navarro!

www.myheritage.com

12:10 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Boyfriend Application.

1. Your Name:

2. Age:

3. Fave Color:

4. Birthday:

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...


1. Are we friends?

2. Do you have a crush on me?

3. Would you kiss me?

4. ...with tongue?

5. Would you enjoy it?

6. Would you ever ask me out?

7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?

9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?

11.Would you walk on the beach with me?

12. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?

13. Do you/have you talked about me?

14. Do you think I'm a good person?

15. Would u take a nap with me?

16.WOULD U LOVE ME?

17.Do you think I'm cute?


18. If you could change anything about me -would you?


19.Would you dance with me?


20.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?


What Do You Think Of My?

1.Personality:

2.Eyes:

3.Face:

4.Hair:


W0ULD Y0U...
[] go out with me?
[] give me your number?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] take me out to dinner?
[] drive me somewhere?
[] have sex with me?
[] hug me?
[] buy me food?
[] take me home to meet your family?
[] would you let me sleep in your bed if i didn't have one?
[] sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] re-post this for me to answer your questions?

11:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

oh, what a night...

i started off the night by having dinner with my coworkers at the turtle club. i bought a long island iced tea and a bloody mary. after that my coworker, my boss and i went to the bar. my boss bought me a jagerbomb and i bought another. then i went to claire's mom's retirement party. i tell you, old people can get DOWN. i danced with some girl and her group thought i was hot. haha i was looking good too. they were sad that i'm gay. i'm eye candy!

2:40 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

12:16 am

Night 3 of not being able to fall asleep. Probably doesn't sound too bad but I go to work at 6am, so falling asleep at 2am is NOT kosher.

Lately I've realized I don't have many friends. Locally, that is. Ok, so I do have friends but really I don't talk to many of them that often, or see them. It seems that the people I talk to most of the time are my 2 best friends that moved out of town.

Granted, I love spending time with the friends I have left here in town but we're all generally too busy with our seperate lives to see one another more than once in a few weeks. I suppose that's part of growing up.

In high school it was easy to spend the weekend with friends or even hang out after school. Now with jobs, spouses and kids, time has to be rationed. Sitcoms make it look so easy. Everyone's always hanging out or going places together. You never see anyone spending the day alone or pushing papers at work, but for good reason; it would make for horrible programming.

I've gotten used to my routine. I wake up, go to work, come home, veg out with Ellen and American Idol, then go to bed. On the weekends, I usually spend Saturday alone and, occasionally, I'll find something to do that night. More often than not it involves drinking. Sunday is spent with PBS being lazy. Most of my friends go back to work on Monday but since I have it off, it's more "me time". Before I know it, it's Tuesday again and I'm up at 4:30am to get ready for work.

LAME!

I suppose if plans were made in advance, there would be more to do. However, myself and my friends are broke most of the time. Another part of growing up. High school jobs gave way to basically totally expendable income. Now we have bills, deadlines and obligations.

Take this as a proposal of sorts, local buddies of mine. Let's get together! Make plans! Have fun! See each other! Or we can continue to sit on our sofas watching tv.

1:16 AM - 16 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

In Search Of (A poem)

You found out today that you can't drink away
your pain, your regrets and your fears.
You've tried oh so hard but there's nothing but shards
at the bottom of infinite beers.

The cure is the cause and you'll never take pause
to see what you've done to yourself.
You twitch in your seat cause that bottle so sweet
is staring at you from the shelf.

So let's have a shot of the gin that you bought
to drown your sorrows in.
But they float to the top like they're swimming in pop
and you fold with a sad little grin.

Do you look in the mirror and see that you're nearer
to being the person you hate?
Each day that goes by a piece of you dies
beneath the unbearable weight.

It's sad but it's true and you see it, too
that all you can do now is fall.
And soon you'll be gone but not missed for long
cause you weren't really here at all.

3:56 AM - 6 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

Bullshit. (a poem)
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

Don't say you like me.
Don't say you love me.
Don't say you miss me.
Don't say you admire me.
Don't say you wish you were me.
Don't say I have it good.
Don't say it'll be okay.
Don't say I'm a burried treasure.
Don't say I'm all anyone would ever want.
Don't say my time will come.
Don't say I'm amazing.
Don't say love will come when I least expect it.
Don't say I'm lucky.
Don't say I'm better off.
Don't say I'm your best friend.

Because I know it's all bullshit.

1:05 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment