I made it to the Erotic Fiction FINALS!!!
Category: Writing and Poetry

Hello all!!
Last blog I posted was about ye ole erotic fiction competition. Well truth be told, I MADE IT TO THE FINALS!!! YES!
If I win the grand finale prize that's 2,000 bucks. Which, as you know, never disappoints an author.
If you can find it in your heart, why then vote for me (Annie Kerns) here.

http://www.bettersex.com/t-BetterSex-snow-white.aspx

Thanks kindly to all that do!
You can vote once a day. Contest for Snow White and the Vampire (my story) ends on Sunday night!

10:43 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

EROTIC FICTION CONTEST
Category: Writing and Poetry

Hey guys,
I'm in an erotic fiction contest!
If I win, I get a hundred bucks which I'd be jazzed about. You can vote for my story here.
http://www.bettersex.com/t-better-sex-summer-erotic-fiction-contest-week4-StoryC.aspx
It's under my pen name, Annie Kerns. You may recognize the tale, as I first posted it as a blog on ole myspace.
Thanks!!

1:09 PM - 3 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

BLOGigty BLOGing

I've been in a blog-fog lately. Wanting to start blah-blah-blogging but having been away from it for so long, I'm feeling shy. I think I'll go slowly. I'll start with: current thoughts.

I've just been thinking about MEN lately, thinking how glad I am I'm SINGLE again and not dating someone, mainly b/c dating someone really AFFECTS my writing. I feel like I can't write the things I want to write about MEN b/c then my current-love will feel somehow betrayed--and even if you are dating really GROUNDED really cool guys (as I tend to do), it doesn't matter. Cause it's less about what they think about more about my own strange dating thoughts.

But to be able to think about men to be able to WRITE ABOUT THEM--it just feels so HONEST b/c they're always on my mind and sometimes I have LOVE for them (currently), and sometimes I have periods of fear/hate cause men have FACILITY with violence. They're taught aggression is acceptable and most of them have thrown the weight of their bodies into someone else's FACE made contact with someone elses' skin/bone. And sitting male-accompanied in a restaurantbooth or a movietheatre, lying curled beside a fellow on a couch, I DO find the prospect of male-experienced-fists INTIMIDATING.

BLOGGING is fun! I forgot how fun it is. To just ramble-y ramble on and on.

Currently reading : All Night Long (Sweet Valley High, No 5) By Francine Pascal Release date: 01 September, 1984

11:52 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

These are some (more) things I LOVE about MEN
Current mood: Reverential
Category: Reverential Romance and Relationships

This is what I love about Men Part II
(part one I wrote back in November. This is a continuation. And it IS kind of LONG. But when it comes to men, I just have all these THINGS I'm compelled to say)


So:

6) I love when men's clothes rip around them, fall threadbare in places. It makes me think they like comfort (as I do). Elbowless sweaters. The torn pockets of jeans. I LOVE when men expose their skin in small, unobvious (occasionally-accidental) ways, like when I get to see a man's unshirted skin as he crosses-his-arms-behind-his-head-and-stretches-back. Or the reveal of some skin-bared-hip-section when he reaches to grab his bag, or his shoes--his wallet out of yesterdays pants.


7) I love when men are vulnerable and men are vulnerable:
a. In the bedroom
b. When you laugh
c. Around their fathers
d. When they say I love you, and they mean it.
e. When you cry
(They assume theyve done something to cause it)
f. When you cock-suck them
g. When you smile angelically
h. When they're naked and youre not


8) I love the relationship men have with their facial-hair
a. How they wait for it to grow
b. How they use it to hide themselves, and then at some point to REVEAL themselves again
c. I love that they employ facial hair to demonstrate (various) artistic inklings--that they're always shaping it, touching it, rubbing their second-knuckles against their chin-bottoms making sure their hair is still there (or coming back) and I like thinking that maybe a man is thinking the hair on his face gives him Samson-like strength, a Solomon-kind of wisdom.


9) I love when men exert physical power. I'm interested in (small) acts of male-dominance. I like, for instance, when a man gets me a chair--not that I'm incapable of carrying it myself (even in heels) but I like watching a man's body moving across the room. I have a weakness for all things lifted--like for example when I'M lifted up onto the hood of some car because there is an act of surrender one undergoes when your feet leave the ground and I love surrendering to men. I love when a man effortlessly presses me up against some sturdy structure and TAKES a kiss, b/c he knows (psychic-ly) I want to give one up.


10) I love that the first kiss is always the hardest part of physical seduction for a man. I like that at times (for men) a kiss can seem practically insurmountable. Because men are so VULNERABLE at this first-kiss moment (maybe I should have added this to number 7) so they REVEAL something about themselves (the fear of rejection, the hope of seeing you naked) even when they try to be kiss-y carefree. There is HUMANITY in a first kiss--real human EMOTION. Men push past their VULNERABILITY and it adds POP to that tingly-INITIAL-lip-to-lip-MAGIC.


11) I love how generous men are with their bodies. Men seem to live in their bodies more, they KNOW more about what their bodies CAN DO. Its like they're not so fearful, or disgusted, or dissatisfied the way a woman (with her womans body) feels she has to be. Men constantly touch-adjust themselves. Move with greater authority. Unceasingly, theyre willing to take off their shirts--because men LOVE (they seem to love) all parts of themselves, sixpacks, bellies, chicken legs and cocks--they treat their bodies with a greater KINDNESS and men REMIND me of the importance of that. Men are my eternal Body-Muse.


12) I love a man's JACKET. I love when he OFFERS it because...there's this thing....shaped like a man, shaped to COVER a man, but here it is around you, your arms through his sleeves, you wrapped up in his clothing and I have to say I consider a jacket-offering one of THE most effective forms of seduction because here it is, this cloth and fiber foreshadower, this symbol of how it will be later when his ACTUAL arms are touching your BARE (pre-sensitized) skin.


13) I love that when men CRY it means they've really BEEN THROUGH something. I love that TEARS for men hold this mysterious milestone-allure--that they have this tenuous relationship with something they create so naturally in their bodies and MAYBE men are afraid of tears, or just hyper-AWARE of tears. But it's moving to me when a man cries, because it's like he thinks he's revealing something no one knew was there.
Its dramatic.
Tears have SIGNIFICANCE for men, and I love that!


14) I love to see the passion in men. How WHEN they get passionate about something they aren't afraid to use PHYSICALITY, to throw around their bodies, or possibly sometimes...books. I love to see the raised-hairs on their arms and the focus in their hearts and how shiny and lit-up they seem. I like it when they wrap their acting-passion, or their car-passion, or their football-passion around me, roll me up in it, breathe heavy and intensify their voice. How they'll firmly grab my forearm or just above my knee not even REALIZING we're connected until the final word of their vim-and-vigor commentary at which point they pause to catch their breath--but honestlyhopefully...we're kissing before then, hopefully we've turned word-passion toward unfastening-button-and-beltbuckle-passion hopefully we're SHARING in some other fierce, intimate act of conviction.


15) I love the way men TOUCH a woman.

a. I love when they do that one-hand maneuver, pressing firmly against a woman's mid-back, staying close to her as they move through some body-crowded room.

b. I love to see how standing-men touch women-sitting-in-chairs. How they'll touch her in a place the leaned-over woman can't see--she'll feel it though (delightedly arch her shoulders) as the male-hand on her chair-back gently thumb-grazes her spine.

c. I like when a man runs his thumb across a woman's cheekbone and ends by cupping his fingers around a woman's chin...just looking. And this LOOK, I mean yes there's eye-contact but this isn't a gaze-of-seduction (which is welcome-enough) it's like the man is looking BEYOND her, imagining some FUTURE her--I love that (in that moment) he's unable to conceal his ADORATION.

d. I love when a man approaches a woman and does the "side arm embrace" pulling her body against his so that they form a sort of 2 person side-by-side-slightly-lopsided wall. I love that he's providing exterior arm support (and WARMTH b/c often women are cold) and I love that they lean into each other, bump into each other, connect for a moment and you know that he's there with her, and she's just HELD.

8:45 PM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Ex-Sex
Current mood: rejuvenated
Category: Romance and Relationships

Sexual Fantasy Number 8
Ex-sex
(For my dearest ex)

This sexual fantasy is more of an emotional journey.
It concerns an ex-boyfriend. And my alma mater. And yes, there is TIME TRAVEL involved.

In this fantasy, my ex flies in from NY and brings with him this lighter (don't ask me how he gets it on the plane) but it's one of those little neon-plastic-rectangular boxes only it's MORE than just a lighter, it's this FLAME that can bend TIME.

So anyway he rings the bell to let me know he's arrived and I can see immediately I'm improperly dressed. My ex is wearing ripped jeans and tan Teva sandals looking very 1997 and I feel SELFCONSCIOUS. I ask him if he thinks I otta change into this grey polar fleece I've got upstairs.

My ex grabs my hand in this seemingly frustrated haphazard sort of way but I know he's glad to see me because his cock is already hard, and he's looking at me MEANINGFULLY and when I ask him why he's holding my hand SO TIGHT he replies, "Because I don't want to lose you."
There's a pause.
"I mean. I don't want to lose you in some Rip in time."

He's got this unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth and he's speaking kind of mumb-ly, saying "You ready?" already thumbing his lighter, bringing the flame to the end of his Marlboro, and taking a few puffs as we spin through the years back to our former (or is it present?) college campus.

I don't know the exact way a time-travel-cigarette-lighter works, but suddenly I'm afraid of revisiting this sexual-encounter because I've heard (repeatedly) that TIME TRAVEL requires discretion. Apparently if you don't proceed cautiously with inhabiting someone's cock in THE PAST you can really FUCK the FUTURE UP, and it makes me wonder if ex-sex is really worth it.

Pondering.....................................
Ok. Yes. A large part of me thinks it is.

So I'm standing in my ex's totally empty (pre-move-in) mattress-bared dorm room and he's looking at me. Checking out my ass and my chest and I'm trying to get my bearings when he REQUESTS I give him this MASSAGE:

"C'mon. I'll pay you $20 bucks if you do it naked."

What I want to say is, "That's precisely your former dialogue!" or "You look exactly like you did at 21!" But what ends up being vocalized is, "No way I'm giving you a NAKED MASSAGE because WE'RE NOT DATING," which is what I'd said (verbatim) all those years before.

He stretches out on one of the plastic-y covered mattresses:
"Just take off your clothes.......it's not like we're going to fuck."

This is going really WELL! It's odd how the pre-2006 dialogue just gurgles up and comes out of your throat, only this time I give certain words added emphasis, and he's doing the same and we figure out quickly there is room for PLAY in our massage-bartering-sexual-re-enactment.

For example, when I take off my clothes and straddle the cradle of his bare lower back, I don't just massage his shoulders. I run my hands along his gluteus maximus, I take time to appreciate his well-developed thighs. I'm finger-palm handling him from his toes all the way up to his dark hair-locks and I put more LOVE into this time, 'cause I'm aware our relationship will end (has ended) but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. I care about him ALOT.

So. The next action my ex TAKES is to engage in this semi-acrobatic maneuver, FLIPPING ME OVER so I'm beneath him, wrist-pinned by his naked, muscular arms. And while he does listen to my, "but-you-SAID-you-weren't-going-to-fuck-me" PROTEST.
He REPLIES with: "Your words are halfhearted" and "I NEVER said I wouldn't make you come."

His language is forceful but his fingering-hand is soft and the part where he refuses to fuck me until-I-BEG-FOR-IT is just the same, so of course we DO end up fucking. We end up fucking on BOTH of those single-regulation dormroom beds.

And afterwards he picks up his still-burning (mostly-ashes) Marlboro-cigarette and takes this long, filter-reaching puff. And I guess this TRIGGERS something b/c suddenly we're spinning towards 2006 (to think our time-in-the-past was based on cigarette-longevity) and in no time we reach my apartment.

Admittedly, as I walk him to his cab, I'm a little sad to see him go. But my ex kisses me on the forehead, and I kiss him on his nose-tip, and when I tell him thankyou, that's not just me being polite, I tell him:
"Thanks again!"
And I MEAN it.
I ENJOY fuck-rendezvous(s) in time.

Currently reading : MY SECRET GARDEN By Nancy Friday Release date: 01 June, 1998

4:05 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

3 more Fantasies of an EROTIC nature (this time with dedications)
Current mood: loved
Category: Romance and Relationships

OK. This may be a bit text-intensive. But I felt it was handle-able. You got a preference for 4,5 or 6? CURIOSITY compels me to ask.

Dedications based on the fact that I thought DEDICATEES might find their ode-of-lewdness, on some level, kind of sexually AROUSING. So read on. Please DO!


SEXUAL FANTASY NUMBER 4
Farmer and the Belle
(for Ashley)

The location is a farm. Kind of a small farm because there is only one farmer and his main crop is HAY. If hay even is a crop--but in this fantasy it IS. So anyway this well-tanned, tightly-muscled, late-20's-early-30's FARMER enters his barn. Tired. And a little ANGRY because his hay isn't quite as golden as it should be. Oh and he's SWEATY. But it's not a gross-wet-SHIRT-stained kind of sweaty and this is mostly because his SHIRT is OFF. So his chest is gleaming, you know--heck you could even say it's TWINKLING because his chest is so beautiful and shiny it's totally reminiscent of a romantic star-bright kind of night and I just have to take this opportunity to say, this guy epitomizes ROMANCE. He even epitomizes romance with that full-length-pointy-sharp PITCHFORK poised so nonchalantly in his hand.

So anyway, he's come into his barn because he needs to toss a little more hay from the barn-loft to some other barn-area and that's when he sees this young woman dressed in a old-fashioned debutante gown laying right in the middle of his primary haystack. She's obviously slept there. Her hair is mussed and her hoop-skirt has somehow worked it's way up around her waist so that her whole bottom half is just, exposed. And the farmer (while a good man) doesn't believe in freeloaders and it's his duty to tell this woman to GO but THIS belle's bottom is FIRM, and totally un-panty-covered and the farmer is SO enticed by her that he can't help but walk over and give her BARE ASS a little PITCHFORK-POKE.

And as you can imagine, the belle is roused by this ass-pricking and she makes a few sleepy moan-protestations before batting her eyes, rolling over, and seeing her handsome awakener. She pauses for a moment, assessing the situation.

"I DO HOPE you'll be a gentleman about this," she tells him, propping herself up so that she's on her hands and knees. She wiggles her peach-like-rounded ass and looks back at him over her delicate shoulder, "I like to be fucked slowly," she tells him. "And often...more than once."

"Do you mind if I fuck you while holding my pitchfork?" he replies, in this really sweet (cause-I-don't-have-to-if-it-makes-you-uncomfortable) kind of way.

"Of course not! And YOU won't mind, if I call you Old McDonald? Or if I you know, MOAN in a barnyard ANIMAL sort of fashion?"

"No-no-no indeed!" replies the farmer and they're off, him holding his pitchfork like some kind of trident-possessing Poseidon God, and her moaning delight-ed-ly, in a variety of 5 (rather skillfully vocalized) farm-animal SQUEALS!



SEXUAL FANTASY NUMBER 5
The Maid in the Mansion
(this one is for Amanda)

This maid is damned hot. Think Clue. Think a too-tight little black and white lace uniform with a tantalizing line of tit-cleavage that makes you want to shove your hand down her top and squeeze her perky little nipples until she comes from your breast-to-hand contact alone. Think a maid that is ALWAYS horny, but one who's not proud of the fact. I mean she wants to be CHASTE, she wants to be GOOD, she's tried EVERYTHING. Therapy. She even attempted Christianity and you know, NIGHTLY prayers, but nothing's worked.

There's only one alternative: isolation. Separation. So she takes this job working in a big LONELY high-on-a-hill mansion where the master NEVER comes home, except for there's this one night when he DOES.

It's kind of scary for the maid actually because she's only used to HER high-heeled clacking footsteps on the authentic Grecian marble foyer, so when she turns around and sees this shadowy male figure lounging in the mansion's doorway-silhouette, she stumbles (into this armored knight statue) and RUNS her black fishnets all the way up past her creamy (well-structured) cock-loving thighs.

"Would you bring me a brandy, my dear?" he requests. And his voice is older than she thought. This guy has got to be like 60's, 70's.

"The library. That's where I prefer to take it."

The maid enters the library carrying a solid gold brandy tray and all before this she's been doing these GOOD-GIRL affirmations--firmly asserting that she will NOT break her vow of chastity, not NOW. Not this evening. Certainly NOT with this old-man-form of gray-haired-sexual TEMPTATION. She's young. This time, she's going to be STRONG.

She presents her master with his $1,000 bottle of brandy and he tells her to "Come closer," and even though her bra-less breasts spring up at his request, she sets his brandy on the sidetable and makes to exist the room.

"Could you climb that," he tells her pointing to this tall LIBRARY-LADDER that's directly behind him. "There's a book I need to examine on the very top-shelf."

Now as the maid ascends the ladder (she tries not to) to but she's THINKING about how her master (previously) cast his eyes DOWN her sHirt, and now (currently) he's looking UP her SKIRT--I mean he's eye-fucking her entire body and she's doing her best not to encourage him but it's hard. She's wet. And he wants to fuck her and she wants to fuck him and then he's speaking to her softly saying, "Come down here my dear, and lay your ass across my lap," and AGAINST her will (it's like this old-man-siren-call-compulsion) the maid DOES. She HAS to. Seriously, this maid doesn't have a choice, and pretty soon he's slapping her butt and making it red, and she comes. She comes like 6 times. And this is BEFORE he exposes her maid-tits and tears off her maid-uniform and gives her the dirtiest most raucous sex of her life and I guess if there's one thing the maid learns from the experience it's this:
Just because men get old, that doesn't mean they forget how to fuck.



SEXUAL FANTASY NUMBER 6
Snow White and the Vampire
(for my dearest Nik)

Snow White's sitting by her cottage window gazing out and singing this sparrow song she's learned from, well a sparrow, and she's musing about her life and love and mostly she is thinking about what it would BE like to fuck a guy who's you know, as TALL as she is. Taller maybe even.

Because she's never fucked anyone but the dwarves and that's hard because even when they stand on one-another's shoulders (one to kiss her, one to rub her tits, one to fuck her) it's just so physically AKWARD, and besides too, she wants to experience a regular sized man's cock. Not that she's sure a regular sized man's cock is going be any BETTER (she finds dwarf-cocks pleasing) but it would be DIFFERENT. And Snow White LIKES change, she SEEKS OUT experimentation--I mean she's this adventuresome-SPIRITED-real-potential-SEXPOT.

It's just--it's TOUGH when the murderous intentions of your stepmother keep you locked away in a dwarf cottage and INTERFERE with the full-realization of your every sexual NEED.

So. Cut to this RAT-A-TAT-TAT at the dwarf-cottage door.

Now, Snow White's on her guard, I mean, she's been warned about the potential hazards of forest-traveling STRANGERS but when she opens up the little half-door and sees the back of this TALL cape-clad figure, the allure of his height OVERCOMES her. She invites this 6'2 supernatural-being in for a drink.

They don't waste time talking. Among other reasons the vampire has ESP and knows exactly what Snow White is going to say. He sends her MIND-COMMANDS. He tells her, her dwarf-friends are dead. He presents seven small dwarf-hats (all properly labeled) and laments his monstrosity. "FORGIVE ME!" he mind-shouts. "They just, they came into my cave!"

And he seems so SAD, and Snow White is TOTALLY sad, and it's not necessarily a marker of PRIDE but sadness has this way of making Snow White really HORNY.

And next thing you know she and the vampire are PASSIONATELY fucking, and he's calling her, "MINA!" and she retaliates with "Happy!" (and then "Doc, Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey!) and it goes on like this. The two of them calling out for people that can never return. And it's lonely. And it's complicated. But too it's MEANINGFUL because misappropriated name-calling adds a real... sexual DEPTH.

And when the Vampire comes inside Snow White, it's like this real AWAKENING because Snow White HAS TO leave the forest now (how can she stay with all these dead-dwarf-reminders), I mean she's got a LIFE TO LEAD, there are MEN TO EXPERIENCE. And it's ironic isn't it, that a vampire (bringer of death and darkness) could be such a LIGHT for Snow White. A real fuck-awakening kind of savior.

Currently reading : A New Earth : Awakening to Your Life's Purpose By Eckhart Tolle Release date: 11 October, 2005

2:59 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

a word about that myspace death thing
Current mood: nearly furious
Category: nearly furious Blogging

Jez--
I just read Simon's blog about how this woman got killed after she went out with some guy on myspace. And the article UGHH! It annoys me how you can't just write whatever you want and share it with people and people not having to take it so damned literally and go about killing you for it and what not. That just MADDENS me. Don't write about sex, or some guy out in the computer world is going to track you down and make you pay for it in terms of your very LIFE and all you'll get from the media is a wagging finger and a censourious "I told you so," because it there's one thing we know it's that women should tread lightly and go about their lives being ever so BE-WARE! Maybe if our culture wasn't so repressed we wouldn't have to murder people because we felt some sort of desirous longing. I'm just angry. I'll probably delete this blog in a minute. But you should read Simon's blog, it's a good blog, he's a good blogger. I just HATE the idea of writing repression!
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE.
There, I'm ending on a positive note.

1:27 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

More smut (sexual fantasy number 3)
Current mood: repentant
Category: repentant Romance and Relationships

I'm just realizing I haven't written a blog in like 2 months, which is HORRIFYING. Terrifying. TERRIBLE. So anyway I've come back with a special request (I do take requests by the by). Hope this lives up to expectation.


My pizza fantasy goes something like this:

I don't like pizza but this friend of my roommate's brings it over for dinner. He brought it over as this like, offering, because he's going to be spending a few evenings in our apartment and I think that pepperoni-and-cheese is supposed to be some sort of advance payment.

Oh and my roommate isn't home. He's got this night class, and he forgets to tell me his friend is going to be coming, so when the doorbell rings I'm right in the middle of taking my late-evening shower, and I just kinda throw on my bathrobe and go down to answer the door. And at first it's kind of awkward, you know, me in this big fluffy pink robe and my roommate's friend behind the barred protection door of our apartment holding a large cardboard Domino's box asking where my roommate is saying he's going to be staying here for the night.

And he's speaking in this low-toned naturally-sexy kind of voice, saying, "Could you please, open up," but me not doing it at first because it's late and the light is burned out on our front porch-step and suddenly I'm aware I'm totally naked beneath this terry-cloth-robe unable to SEE this guy I'm about to well let INTO my apartment. Still, I open the door. I bring him up through this private staircase we have and into our dimly lit living room and I guess he's really hungry, because he doesn't introduce himself or ANYTHING he just OFFERS me a slice and sits down and starts to eat.

And here's the thing: he has this really SENSOUS way of eating a pizza (especially for a guy) and I'm getting kind of turned on, and it's weird because I didn't think pizza would ever DO that for me. But you know how sometimes your roommate has a really masculine-beautiful kind of friend, well this guy, he's LIKE that, he's totally MASCULINE. And also, it helps that I only know a few facts about him. I know two. 1) that he's from South Dakota, and 2) that he won't be here for long, and I like that he's mysterious. Transient. Alluring.

OK. So. I'm in my pink robe, just LOOKING at him from across the room, making all this small talk about how I really like (slash) kinda hate my job, and how I had this really good (slash) stressful day. But beneath my masked, politely coded conversational skill-set, all I want to do is just STROKE HIM and I guess this guy from South Dakota GETS that because he turns this stare on me and locks in, and says, "Come here."

And he says it in this commanding electric sort of way and it can't be denied, you know. So I approach him. And he motions me over so that I'm standing BETWEEN his open-seated leg-stance. And he asks me how come I'm still in my bathrobe. And there's a silence (a little thrill of a silence) until I answer:

"Um I don't know. I mean. This robe covers up a lot."

And it does, it's like a full coverage dress or coat, only granted I don't have anything on underneath, and he KNOWS that--mainly because he reaches up and undoes my bowtied-sash and looks at the vertical line of my naked skin where the robe falls open at the center.

And as he reaches down to undo his pants I kind of hold my breath because you never know what that moment of pants-undoing is going to bring. But for ME it brings sheer delight because his cock is really hard. And it fits nicely in my hand. And he guides me on top of him and he's mostly clothes-covered (except for his cock) and I'm mostly clothes-covered (except for where my robe is open) and we're fucking like that you know, only certain parts of our skin exposed. And I'm GLAD. Because he's going to be here for several days. And for me fucking naked is something I enjoy WORKING UP to.

Currently reading : 1001 Ways to Be Romantic By Gregory J. P. Godek Release date: October, 1999

7:48 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The honesty quiz-bulletin
Current mood: weird
Category: Writing and Poetry

Michelle posted this bulletin-quiz and I while I'm not always INTO a bulletin-quiz, I was drawn to this one because I AM into the word honesty. Honesty is like, my theme-of-interest for the year 2006.

This isn't necessarily because of its VIRTUOUS quality. I mean, I love me a moral--but I'm OBSESSED with HONESTY MORE because people like to present honesty as something that’s easy to accommodate: "Just tell me the TRUTH!" I've countlessly overheard, and yelled, and been commanded--as if truth is this downloadable, printable, hand-overable (hard and fast DOCUMENTATION) kind of thing. But the more I get to examining the truth of something like say FEELINGS--well lots of times honesty, is in fact--"I don’t know.” Honesty is this onion-vegetable of “It's complicated.” And ALWAYS I am DEEPLY intrigued by that, because it makes HONESTY shimmer with truth-nuance sparklies. Honesty has mystery to it. I find that concept compelling!

OK. Pep talk through. I will now take this honesty quiz.

1.Honestly, where are you now?
I'm in Macon Georgia. I'm in the room I grew up in and I'm wondering what possessed me to start a collection of small and exceedlingly creepy CLOWN figurines. I'm also wondering, if they disturb me (as they do) then why don't I PACK them away? Why don't I GIVE them away? Why is my room EXACTLY as it was when I left for college, and why do I never unpack my suitcase when I come here to this place I proclaim is my REAL home? And too, how come I NEVER had hotsex with a guy in my pink polka-dot covered twin bed because that was a dream of mine!

2.Honestly, have you ever failed a subject in high school?
Not officially. I mean I almost failed Pre-calculus but I dropped the course in order to preserve my 4.0 GPA and also (this wasn’t the main reason) but also my teacher was the principal and he reeked of letch-iness and I did not feel comfortable sitting crosslegged at a pre-cal desk because you could tell Mr. P was hoping female thighs would be a Venus flytrap to his post-45yr old cock.

3.Honestly, what's on your mind?
I am DISTRESSED because I feel like I have nine million things I SHOULD be doing, but instead I’m attending the whims of my father (he has a lot of those) and of my friends (because I don’t want to seem anti-social) and all I really want to do is lie in my bed and cough and cough and cough because I think I’m getting sick.

4.Honestly, what is it that you really should be doing right now?
Typing up notes for my job.
Short-story enhancing.
I’ve got a zombie screenplay to fashion.
Also I should be sit-up-ing, and jump-jacking, and running FAST bedroom-laps because I did NOT restrain myself when it came to holiday EATS.

5.Honestly, have you brushed your teeth today?
More than once. And I’m going to do it again right now, because I can see my toothbrush from where I’m sitting and that thing makes me feel CLEAN.

6.Honestly, who are your best friends in the world?
The list is long. Prepare your eyes: Amanda Yates, Ashley Smith, Lauren Straznick, Natalee Woods, Ruchika Mandiyan, Lauren Marks, Carter, Bebe, Sally, Honey-bear,Onyay, Ben Epps is a good friend. And of course Adam Saunders.

7.Honestly, who is the hottest person you know?
There has to be someone…someone I could stare at for hours. Gawk. Drool. I’m going with Brad Hutchison. He was an old Macon, Ga crush and that man remains…in a word: Ravishing.

8.Honestly, are you a good friend?
I'm a good listener. I'm a good supporter. I'm not always HONEST in a ruthless shake you back to reality so you can shape-up and face some hard and fast TRUTH about the foibles of your core inner being!
But again 2006…honesty…I’m working on it.

9. Honestly do you think school is important?
For some people. For me—absolutely! But then I excel in a rule-driven, know your place and LOVE it, kind of society.

10.Honestly, what are your dreams mostly about?
Hidden rooms. Falling off ladders. Freddy Kruger makes an occasional appearance.

11.Honestly, who/what makes you happy most of the time?
I am happiest when I am doing creative projects where I feel like i've got TALENT and VISION to contribute and where I believe in the TALENT of the other people on board. I'm happy when I'm gut-aching, tear-streaming, laugh-laugh-laughing!

12.Honestly, what hobbies do you have?
Currently: My space. Which I’m kind of embarrassed about—but it’s so great because I feel like I’ve got Sherlock Holmes capability on myspace. I feel like I can figure some shit out! Plus, I am INTRIGUED by people’s pictures—and by how they set up their homepage to kind of DEFINE who they are. My space is the crème de la creme of identity construction. Ever-changing and accessible 24 hours a day.

13.Honestly, what song are you listening to?
Royksopp. Which is a CD my sister gave me.

14.Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?
Some sexy apparition who will be my immediate meta-physical ghost-lover.

15.Honestly, do you have a deadly disease?
I will respond to this with extreme honesty: No.

16.Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
Sure don't.

17.Honestly, who/what do you wanna hug right now?
My mother.

18.Honestly, are you bored?
No. Like I said, honesty is a thrilling topic to me.

19.Honestly, who do you wanna slap right now?
If I HAD to slap someone right now, I'd slap Jody Mcauliffe who was a theater director I had at Duke University and I've always DISLIKED that woman because she was so RUDE! I forgot about my jody-hatred. Amend my hate answer in your head to include her.

20.Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
I really would actually.

21. Honestly, do u like someone?
I LOVE to obsess over people. I pick an obsession and I STICK to it! I try and convince myself it helps my writing.

22. Honestly, are u single?
I AM single!

24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
Sometimes the idea of someone liking me makes me HAPPY! Sometimes it makes me ill because I feel guilty if I don’t like them back.
But (and I mean this in a new-agey, sappy, really Affective way) I like me. I like me a lot!

Currently watching : Kindred the Embraced - The Complete Vampire Collection Release date: 21 August, 2001

2:16 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Setting blogs to Private
Current mood: shocked
Category: Writing and Poetry

I hate when blogs get set to private. Why do people write secrete-y secret PRIVATE blogs? And more importantly, WHY do they have to TITLE them so tantalizingly? I feel like this is some sort of signpost from the universe telling me it’s TIME to beef up on my computer hacking skills, because I feel like those unavailable bloggy bits are information I really NEED. But then what if I take all these night classes, charm my way into the underworld of the technically savvy, come back to MY SPACE illegally cracking into someone’s “The ONE thing you ALWAYS wanted to know about ME” only to discover in that final moment of sweet, sweet, revelation…there’s NOTHING there. That it was all some sort of teasey “fuck you.” Seriously, you don’t think those private blogs are all BLANK do you? Because I mean…MINE is. But then, I guess that’s because I took the content from my blog-of-privacy and I cut and pasted it here:



Not just one but TWO sexy-sexy, SEXUAL FANTASIES

Sexual Fantasy ..1 THE FOOTBALL PLAYER
He enters wearing a football uniform. But preferably, no helmet. Actually a practice jersey would be best because it isn’t so much the tights and shoulder pads that get me as evoking that nostalgic highschool king-of-the-lunchroom kind of thing.

(Sidenote: If it’s possible to get on-location someplace they’ve got combination lockers that would be like COMPLETELY sexually inspiring).

So anyway, my broad-shouldered sportsman approaches me at my locker in this otherwise silent, otherwise EMPTY hall. And he speaks to me in this compelling, deep-toned voice. “How come you’re not in class?” he says, tossing his football (semi) absent-mindedly.

“Oh the principal…sent me home.” I answer, coyly. “He said my skirt was…you know…WAY too short.”

I bend over putting my unfinished Dickens novel into my backpack (Jansport), and I pause for a moment (bent over like that) making sure he sees how my skirt’s slid up even further and how basically—sexy, I look.

“What about you?”

“I’m a football player,” he replies. “I do whatever I want.” This is the moment when he forcefully pushes me against the locker wall so I can feel his hard-on and the delightfully smooth shape of the 23 on his jersey. Oh  that 23!--I move my hands over and around that 2, up and down that 3 and I do it loads of times, because that smooth, plastic-like NUMBER really turns me on—oh and he’s doing his own bit of clothing exploration sliding his hand up my skirt, navigating his expertly-athletic-fingers saying “You’re not wearing any underwear,” (which is an accurate comment) and then adding in this genuine, enthusiastic kind of way: “ God, I really LIKE that about you!”


Sexual Fantasy ..2

This one starts out with me and this guy in a vampire cape already fucking. This guy is also wearing fake vampire teeth (but they aren’t the kind you just roll into a Halloween store, throw down a fiver and walk out with) these are like EXPENSIVE vampire fang-caps. Something that requires adhesive, and I don’t know…maybe a dentist.

Anyway, he’s got this perfectly girthed cock and he’s doing this thrusting technique where he:

1) Pushes deep into me.

2) Pauses.

3) Looks meaningfully into my eyes

4) Intimately PROFESSES (in this transylvanian-ish accent): I LOVE you. I love YOU.

5) Swishes his cape.

6) Repeats until my shattering climax.

(Stay tuned: more fantasies to come)

Currently reading : Black Rose (In the Garden (Paperback)) By Nora Roberts Release date: 31 May, 2005

11:22 PM - 3 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

This is what I love about Men
Current mood: Starry-eyed
Category: Starry-eyed Romance and Relationships

This is what I love about men:

1. How they pull off their shirts, grabbing at the back of their neck-collar yanking it off in one fell swoop. Like it’s instinct. Women seem to struggle more taking off their clothes, unruly snaps and caught-up arms, and with men it’s simpler. They’re naked quickly.

2. ’ve noticed lately how men have this need to SORT THINGS OUT and to tell you truly this makes me want to grab men by the beltloops and kiss them with passionate abandon. I LOVE that men will walk on the car-side of the sidewalk, or try and pay for some cheap dinner because they want to keep me from danger, or financial difficulty—I like it when men take it upon themselves to set up my wireless DSL. And if they DON’T (if they CAN’T) they still feel like they SHOULD and maybe I love THAT even more. I love that men feel accountable to women in day-to-day sorts of ways.

3. I love how men sit in public, slouched down, legs open, cock pushed forward like they own the joint. Men are always doing that. Making space for their cocks not having to ASK if they can and I find that simple, straightforward move aggressive. But then I like that.

4. I love it when men push their weight against me, when they purposefully press past me in a crowded room, or if (drunk and joking) they sit on my lap in some almost vacant bar. I like how heavy men are. I like their weight on top of me lying in bed.

5. And too I love how men STARE at women--looking for BEAUTY in women--and how they always FIND it. Maybe men feel strange saying sunsets, or flowers or mountainscapes or moonviews are GORGEOUS, but men can say that about women (they’re expected to) and I think that’s important. I think it’s sexy when men appreciate the divine.

10:09 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Crushes
Current mood: cheeky

Crushes are such strange and bizarre things. Because sometimes they feel like those warm little heat packets cracked open, you know, ACTIVATED, and it’s exciting to know it will last for a while and that you’ll derive all this comfort out of it. It’s like, I always think I want a PRIMARY crush (secondary crushes are inevitably present) b/c primary crushes make days/moments/months seem ALIVE in this achy sort of ulcerish way. Only when I do have a particular crush my body betrays me IMMEDIATELY (transforming into this pulsating, vibrating, alien THING) and I can’t get a hold of my hands which are sweating, my heart which is beating, my face which is red-red-reddening while my brain runs off in this mad fantasy whirling and HOW DO YOU fill crushes in on those deep conversation, those tearful scenarios, those incredibly passionate love-making sessions you’ve imagined so vividly (what if they don’t ACKNOWLEDGE them for example which is valid due to the fact these events technically never happened) but it’s such a LARGE PART of our relationship. Do you know?

If my crush emails me for example, or calls me, or sends me some sort of messenger pigeon, I’m always WONDERING what he means by the ink on the page. I read his little notes (“What’s up?” “See u later?” “Hi,”) in all sorts of clever voices: tender, dispassionate, bemused (whispered in a lusty undertone) because I feel like it’s important to DISCERN his meaning. I’m desperate to unmask some hidden code.

I create this person based on observations and carefully gathered “facts,” but there’s danger in that. For instance, I believe that GENUINELY cool people have a small but profound dorky streak, but what if this crush isn’t dorky at all?

All in all though I LIKE crushes because I LIKE men. They trigger something in me, and it’s nice you know…when half the planetary population serves as your constant muse.

Currently watching : Fantasy Island - The Complete First Season Release date: 15 November, 2005

12:16 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m My-space OBSESSED
Current mood: grateful

I just love this concept. I love that I can home after a grand ole night with friends, pop onto my space at two in the morn (still enjoying my Amstel-intoxication) and what do I spy but still MORE friends, and the beautiful communion of their green-blinking ONLINE! lights. Dare I say top-notch?

2:15 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

One thought about love
Current mood: musey

Lately I’ve been wanting to go up to people who are sidewalk-walking and to give ALL of them a great big HUG! Because people seem vulnerable on the sidewalk—lonely somehow (even walking in pairs) and I guess I wish I could ease that. But it’s a weird thing—this loving people you don’t know--and I can’t say I’m GOOD at it. I think I’m too concerned with propriety, I have this FEAR of being ridiculed (jailed) for unauthorized LOVE. But people love people, they do, it just seems like everyone goes to such great lengths to hide it, and now I’m thinking about missed opportunities, and of being wrapped in someone’s arms, and the simple relief of being able to HOLD someone back.

7:43 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment