8/19/06 - Off the top of my head

I'm not stupid. I'm careless.

The cost of doing business isn't related to how much is in the bank account, but how little sleep business owners get.

Regret is tough, but apathy is unbearable.

If I receive your mail in my mailbox accidentally, you will get it at some point, but not without me considering whether or not to open it first.

People who say they "shut their mind off while driving" are the reason it isn't the safest way to travel.

There doesn't seem to be a way to cauterize one's soul.

People with personal photographs on display in their homes aren't so much narcissists as they are not hiding anything.

Politics can be about doing right by many, but everyone considers their own needs first.

Simplicty is what we most forget.

Intelligent design? Not THAT smart.

Guns will make you feel safe, until you have one pointed at you.

Rock 'n Roll is reason enough to be thankful for living.

If you say that you believe so strongly in something that you deign others should believe in it as well, you better be totally Goddamn sure that you're grasping the central concept of your belief with both hands, your heart and your mind.

Jesus wouldn't want you to run me off the road because I have a Darwin fish on my car.

I understand people caught with their pants down more than I do people who can send youth to death for their own gain.

It's a good thing reality television is so popular. Now people get paid to be judged, and those doing the judging will cut their neighbors some much needed slack.

There's nothing more precious than life, but life in process is more valuable than life not begun.

Those who call sexual climax "the little death" clearly are doing it wrong.

I'd rather see a money shot than watch someone perish.

Condescending to anyone ensures others that you're at unease with yourself.

It's unlikely anyone will see you exactly the way you care others to see you, so care enough to see yourself as you want to be seen.

Without memory, it didn't happen. So remember.

6:04 AM - 6 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

No, I'm not dead...
Category: Life

Hey!

So yeah.. been a while, huh? Sorry about that - just beeen busy.

Here are some updates:

Sheri's is as awesome, cool and wonderful as ever.

My sister's are totally fantastic and have some big news of their own. Amber is graduating from highschool next week and then in October, Krystal is getting MARRIED! I now will have a most excellent brother-in-law named Arthur. It also must be stated that Amber's beau Craig is the cat's pajamas as well.

Dover is a fantastic place to live. If you're not up here yet, why aren't you? The people are really, really terrific and I've made a whole host of new friends who also never see or hear from me.

The comic store is hanging in there, but we're only going to be in our current location for the next couple of months or so. After that, we're either closing or we're going to be in a much more high-traffic area. Still in Dover, yes, but a better spot. I waffle each day on which I'd rather see happen.

The movies still sit unedited and unfinished. They are a black cloud hanging over my head, especially the couple that have scenes still needing to be shot. No ETA on any of that stuff. It's all too overwhelming. Thus "Single Serving Cinema" remains lifeless.

I nearly lost my video contract job with Coldwell/Banker thanks to being left on an email list. I beat feet and got the needed insurance and paperwork to keep me working. Good thing, that. So I'm still driving all over creation about four days a week and shooting houses. It alternately kind of sucks and is totally great. I love the independence of it all, and in its own way it's challenging in a good way.

I'm still doing (really) part-time at Sheri's work. About once a week I do various web updates and small design things for Veterinary websites.

I also have another part-time gig encoding and editing video for the web. That's been going okay, although it takes a lot more work than I initially thought it would.

All of this work, and I still BARELY make ends meet. Amazing.

I started writing in an actual bound journal again for the first time in a couple years. Hence the absense from the blog here on MySpace. I was writing daily entries for about two months, but now am down to about twice a week or so. Not much exciting going on means not much to write about.

Oh yeah, I've lost about ten pounds. It seems I retain all of my weight in my face. How extremely odd.

The Red Sox are out of first place, so my entire demeanor has darkened considerably. Fucking starting pitching. We had an excess of picthing during spring training, and now we're going into the Double A to get new peeps. And what happens with them? No f'ng run support. Tim Wakefield too continues to take it up the ass on that front as well.

That's probably plenty for now. I'm sorry if I've been really out-of-touch with some of you. At the end of each day, I have the mental wherewithall of a Uwe Boll movie. If none of this made any sense to you, then you should probably hit the "remove friend" button.

Talk soon, I hope.

Jason

10:21 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

If you're tagged, this is the one!

So the rules are, once you've been tagged you have to write a blog with 6 weird/things/habits about yourself. In the end you need to list 6 other people to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment saying "You've been tagged." in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

#1  Though I have been commended as a director, editor, director of photography and music score composer, it's been said I'm a poor writer. This is unfortunate, as I always wanted to be a screenwriter. (Of course, it's also been said that I'm bad at almost all of these too, so it is what it is, really.)

#2  I interpret negative criticism as valid and honest, but postive feedback as back patting and circle-jerking. 

#3  I'm deeply in love with cinema and music from the 1980's, a time where both cinema and music is described as being superficial and vaccuous.

#4  Depite being lactose intolerant, I indulge in dairy semi regularly and willingly suffer the consequences.

#5  Depite having an ulcer, I indulge in spciey foods regularly and willingly suffer the consequences.

#6  I tell people far too much about myself all the time.

Tagged are Kim, Amber, Kystal, Neil, Larry and Richard

6:14 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

A Gift Too Precious

It's that old wive's tale, passed down from generation to generation of superstitious types. Bad things happen in three's. I'm uncertain about the validity of it, but coincidentally three deaths occurred in January 2006 that shook things up for friends, family and me.

All within a very bad week, three deaths. One was Sheri's grandfather. He passed away after a year-long battle with various ailments. He was a neat guy, a very colorful character that liked to tell stories about he last time he got drunk. That would have been back in 1934. He died just a bit before his 90th birthday, a long behind him - only it was a life I always felt was a little sad. I didn't know the man well, but from what Sheri tells me about him, he was very quiet for most of his days, a bit lorded over by a domineering wife. In his late years, he took up company with a few different lady-friends, and spent his days tooling around in Florida, but I don't know... he just seemed so sad. When your favoite story is about you when you are 18, and you're in your 80's telling it, that makes the listener wonder what happened in the 60 years between?

The second death didn't even make it to 18. While I'm not linked to the teen that left this world so prematurely, the news was still hard to shrug off, mostly because of his age, partly because it was a suicide and also because a good friend of mine did know him - he was her daughter's best friend. Apparently my friend's daughter Sandy was on the phone with the kid before he took his own life, and now Sandy is completely shattered. This is a girl who has really turned herself around over the past couple of years - earning high marks at school, working after school, putting the partying way on the backburner to prep for college. Sandy's a good kid, a tough kid, and while I know she'll be okay, I can imagine the remorse and, especially, the anger she must feel. How does it get that bad? How can you need attention that bad to pull the trigger and take that kind of leap?

Contrasted against the 17 year-old's suicide, the death of a 41 year-old man who wanted to live is particularly upsetting. A comic book store owner and an artist beloved by the many that knew him, he was, more importantly, married and the father of two children. He had a successful business and was very well-respected. He had a good life that ended too early. But what's surprising to me is that it sounds like he lived the most full life of the three.

I know I tend to focus on grim things in here. This isn't because I walk around with a doom-and-gloom forecast all the time. Rather, it seems the only time I write hee is when I need to figure things out. Often times, these things are depressing, which gives me all the more need to resolve them. Seeing it all in black and white helps.

I read other people's blogs and they're humorous, clever, witty, and hip. I guess I write for a different reason when I spend time here. I've thought a lot about going back to my hand-written journals and keeping this process private, but I like the fact people know what's up with me. If I'm suddenly incommunicado, they can look here and maybe see why phone calls haven't been returned or emails haven't been read. And yes, I like people sharing their thoughts on my ruminations as well. The outside perspective proved invaluable over the past six months when I was dealing with a fair amount of self-inflicted shit.

So what is it that I'm learning now, looking at the loss of these three very different lives? More than anything, I keep feeling like I need to get my own life back on track. With the comic book store, we created a great place to hang out in Dover, but this wasn't the life I feel I'm supposed to lead. It's financial success, though surprising, isn't such a windfall that it's actually MAKING money. Instead, I'm steadily losing money and my passions aren't strong enough to stand behind it. Fortunately, Larry may pick up the pieces of things and keep the place up and running.

So I feel like I've got to get back on track, and there appears to be a way for me to get there, but one big problem remains: What's the track I'm supposed to be on?

My whole life, more than anything in the world, I wanted to make movies. I wanted to tell stories. But now, I don't know... it feel cold inside. Every once in a while I get a sense that it'd be nice to go and do it again, but often times I'm wondering if that's not just because I never had anything else in my life I wanted to do. Jesus. I'm 31 years-old and have less direction than I did when I was 12. Fuck.

Well, this is certainly a rambler. I guess the final summation is this: I am alive. I have a very, very good life filled with friends and love, family, respect and opportunity. I need to do something with all of it. I need to make something of these good graces. Too many others out there don't get to, or don't want to. This is a gift too precious to not accept.

6:30 AM - 5 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

Sixth Root - Who I Am
Category: Music

It's been a while since I've done anything "movie" related, but the incredibly talented guys of Sixth Root inspired me to do something. Like them, the video is all about the music.

It looks so much better on a TV screen, but here it is for the web anyhow. If you know me, give me a call and come over to see it at the house. If you don't know me, come to a Sixth Root show and see them do this live. Actually, either way, you should do the latter.

Oh... if y'all want to put the video on the page, here's the hack-code I used...(Just remove the semi-colons).

6:23 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment