8:56 AM - addendum to Loyalty subject......
Current mood: cynical
Category: Life
So, in my state of insomniatic brain fartedness, I totally forgot to put something in that blog that was the whole reason why I added the loyalty part to it.
I wanted to add that Loyalty is a two way street. I have several friends who are all bent out of shape because so-and-so hasn't made an effort on their part to hold up friendship duties.
I may have few that I call friend, but I don't get mad at them for not calling me, or for not leaving me comments. I can't get mad because of how hypocritical it would be since I forget a lot of the time too. I do get mad when it is something I am passionate about, like Cancer, and none of my so called friends even write me to say, sorry, can't help right now, but good luck! That is bull shit.
What I can also understand is someone getting all sorts of mad for not being there for someone in a time they are needed. Duane has every right in the world to hate me right now because I am not there for him. I just have such a hard time making small talk with someone who I feel is so brave for fighting cancer not once, not twice but three times in the same area, has set back after set back when I bitch and complain about piddly little shit in my life.
Anyway, I hope God forgives me for not being there for Jean, and I should have learned my lesson.
Loyalty is definitely a two way street, and once again, it is something that I preach but need to practice.
11:35 PM - Trust, Loyalty, and Doubt....
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
Trust & doubt:
You trust your instinct. You trust your mother and father. You trust your lover. You trust that people in your life also know how to trust. Trust is strong, and can withstand the test of time. It can create lasting relationships. It can completely change your life when the right person trusts you. Trust is an amazing thing, yet can be destroyed by one grain of doubt. You convince yourself you have the power to do something, complete a task, or reach a goal. Then one fleeting thought of doubt can totally deflate your well laid plans. You have a moment of realization; you didn't trust your instinct.
You trust your parents, and then you get stuck in the middle, and realize you have been lied to, over and over. Your morals are completely fucked, losing sight of what is right and wrong. I mean, you have a feeling, but now you have doubt.
You trust your lover. This person knows more about you than you wanted them to know, yet they want to be with you anyway. Then a seed of doubt is placed when they show up with glitter all over them, and you heard rumors that they were not where they said they'd be. It may have happened years ago, but the doubt that is there is hard to shake. You carry it with you, believing in your heart and soul it will happen again.
You trust that people around you know right from wrong. You trust that person won't cut you off, and they do. You trust the cashier won't short change you, and they do. You trust that Taco Bell won't fuck up your order, and they do.
How amazing would it be to have the trust a 3 year old has? To try new things, meet new people and not be afraid of just about anything. The truth is that every little thing that happens in our lives adds little bit to that grain of sand called doubt that we are born with. Trust is powerful, but doubt is its death. As the saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. That is a powerful mantra to live your life by, but you might not get much done if you do.
Loyalty:
You put your trust in friends, and expect that they would not lie, cheat or steal from you. You trust that your friends will be loyal, and the friendship will be an experience of give and take, in equal parts.
Loyalty is defined as "the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations." And loyal being: "unwavering in devotion to friend or vow or cause" per dictionary.com.
I am loyal to cancer causes. I am loyal to my cat. I am loyal to Randy. I am not loyal to my thoughts, my promises or my goals.
I am loyal to my friends most of the time, but most people I meet that want to hang out with me get a warning that I am not a very good friend. I have a lot of acquaintances, and very few friends. I am too lazy for friends and even my family sometimes too. I am loyal, and will be there if you need me, but I rarely make time for people outside of wherever we usually meet up. It doesn't mean that I don't care, because those of you whom I do care about, you all know it. This is why I try to keep my myspace "friends" actually people who are my friends. Those who are bar acquaintances are on the madmarkkaraoke myspace.
Anyway, I am rambling and getting away from my point. Trust, loyalty and doubt are all in the same basket. As hard as it is to trust someone, and be loyal to them, you have to allow doubt to only own a tiny grain of sand on the beach of life. Trust the surf, and trust that God won't take you any further from the shore than he knows you can swim. Be loyal to your friends, the true friends, even if you don't see them every day, or only when they come out to the bar to sing. And if I were to leave this with one more thought that I myself still need convincing of, it would be to trust yourself, be loyal to yourself and know what your boundaries are, live by them, but pop your head out of the basket once in awhile.
5:09 PM - A couple thoughts....
Current mood: cranky
Category: Blogging
A message to Faith Hill and Tim Mcgraw. PLEASE STOP DOING DUETS! They suck. you guys do not sound good together and you are ruining duets for the rest of the singing community.
Oreos are awesome.
I am trying to raise money for this years Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society. Please use the link below if you are able to help: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/mistyjames
Please do not purchase me as a pet. I do not understand these new apps and I am not interested in being 29 peoples pets.
I was recently stricken with a cold. I found Alavert was the best medicine. Alavert and oreos.
Why do people try to run from the Cops? Those people are idiots.
It is time for the Relay For Life again! I am participating again with Team Jess to help raise money for Cancer research. The relay is sort of a fun fair that is held every year at South Medford's stadium. I believe this will be my 5th year and I look forward to doing my part in helping raise money for our team. Please check out the URL below to access my personal page, and hopefully make a donation to help me make my goal of $100.
http://main. acsevents. org/goto/mistyjames
I am hoping this year I can beat my record donation of $400 last year. Read my page, and remember you can donate in memory of a loved one you may have lost to Cancer. If you are unable to help out, I understand. This year I will not be able to donate anything but my time and items for the garage sale, but I work hard and its well worth it! I just request you say a prayer for those who have been affected by Cancer, and hope for a great and exciting relay. You are all welcome to forward this to your friends and family that might be able to help also. Thanks for your time! Misty
8:35 PM - WOMEN UNITE! and other random thoughts.....
Current mood: cooky/wacky
Category: Blogging
Ok, I am so tired of people not telling me my make up has strayed. Women, we must unite on this since men won’t say anything. If my make up is running away from my eyes, for some reason, please for the love of jebus please tell me. pardon my language, but yes, i said JEBUS. Dammit, im tired of going potty after i am done running karaoke and seeing i look like a drunk french whore that just gave deep throated blow jobs to the entire nation of istanbul. ok. just tell me nicely, "hey, ya got a smudge" or something. i’d do it for you.
on to other stuff.... ever been bored sitting on your couch on a saturday evening, not in the mood for powdered donuts, or any of the other stuff in your kitchen and you reach into the crease in your couch and you find...... drum roll please..... Reeses big peanut butter cups! and in king size none the less! WOOHOO I HIT THE JACK POT! it was good and gone in under 3 minutes.
ok lets see..... i feel like its about time to get drunk.... and time to quit smoking again.... i need to see my ori..... i miss my friends that moved away....i really miss the friends i moved away from.... im tired of having no money.... i love my cat.... i wish i wasnt so lazy...
some times i feel like a frog, and life is the snail.......
Well, I had an eventful week! Randy and his family invited me on a trip with them to the Oregon Coast, and it was wonderful and beautiful and exciting! I took a lot of pics, but I have narrowed them down to these ones in the blog!
We left town last Saturday at about 11 am, heading north on I-5. We reached Albany and hooked a left to head on 20 to Newport. We arrived in Depoe Bay around 6pm and got to the condo which Randy and his family has a time share on Gleneden Beach. Here is the pic that was my first good shot of the beach!
Upon our arrival to the condo I found out we have an ocean view! It was almost dusk and I got some great pics of the pool area and the sunset.
We spent some time with family, and had dinner in our room.
I convinced Randy to take me to a karaoke joint called the Pines in Lincoln City. I forgot to have Randy take pics of it and I am sorry. It wasn't all that anyway. I sang Before He Cheats and I'm The Only One. After that it was time for bed. It had been a long fun day.
We woke up and had breakfast with everyone, and then went to a place called the Crystal Wizard. This place was right up my alley! Tons of rocks and runes and tarot cards and books and carvings and beaded crafts and glass bowls that when rubbed the wrong way they give you a headache. Here are some pics of the store and a huge amethyst geode that sits there.
Randy bought both of us some rocks like howlite, tigers eye, peridot, and smoky quartz. He also got matching snowflake obsidian carved hearts for him and I. Snowflake obsidian is his kindred stone, and he has a carved wolf that he wears all the time. Before he went on his trip he gave me a snowflake obsidian point pendant which I wear most of the time.
After the Crystal Wizard, we went to a couple beaches. First was Nye Beach, which sadly was closed due to a sewage spill. We then went to agate beach where my camera was left in the car, but I did get one pic before we left. Randy's sister, Stormi and her kids Shayla and Kallen and I all built a sand village on the beach. We then went to a rock show at a hotel and I got a piece of amethyst maybe to make a pendant out of some day. After the beaches we out to dinner to a place called Kyllo's in Lincoln City. This place was very nice and Andy our server was great. The staff was very attentive and the menu was mostly seafood with some steaks and stuff. Randy's family had oyster shooters and they looked gross. Here are some pics of those beaches and of all of us at the table and also the sunset outside.
We retired to the room and played cards, then went into the heated pool and hot tub, then went to bed!
The next day, Randy took me to the Newport Aquarium. Now part of my excitement of this was because I was going to the aquarium with that singing crab that sounded Russian in the commercials. I watch too much TV. Then Randy told me this was the aquarium where Keiko was before he/she was moved to Greenland or wherever. That tank is now this underwater hallway, where the blurry pics were taken. They move too fast for my camera. Here is a slide show of the aquarium experience.
It was soooo much fun! I smashed a penny, and saw birds under a net and touched the green thing!
After the aquarium we went to a dollar store and then after a lengthy search for a closed KFC got chicken and jojos and some other goodies for everyone. By this time Randy's sister and her family had gone back home to Talent and his Aunt and Uncle arrived. Randy and I moved into his sister’s room which also had a beach view. That was the end of that day!
The next day we went to the outlet stores and I bought a bra! There were lots of neat things but my budget just didn't allow me to splurge.
So, now it is Wednesday and Randy and I started our trek home. He and I stopped at Fogarty Beach, where he spent some time as a kid.
We went south on the 101 hwy and went around a lot of curvy turns!
After a few hours we arrived in Coos Bay where Randy took me to a few places he had been to while growing up. Sunset Bay was beautiful!
The Shore Acres was closed, so we went in search of a hotel room for the night. We stopped off at The Mill Casino and had so much fun! I played some penny slots, like Wolf's run and Poppit! I came out about even. Randy played video poker and did well. The next morning we went back for breakfast and more slots, and keno. Randy won $90! I need to learn how he plays it so maybe next time I can win.
After we checked out of the hotel, Randy took me back to Shore Acres, where there is a botanical garden that hadn't bloomed yet, and this gorgeous lookout where I took these pictures of the shoreline.
We headed south, more windy roads and then…… HOME!!! The trip was wonderful and I know I won't experience that ever again, but it was still nice to come home to my Baby and my own bed. That is about it! Thanks for reading, please leave feedback! Misty!
8:25 PM - Getting Spayed....
Current mood: artistic
Category: Blogging
Haven't updated in a while...
Had that nasty cold. Got it from Randy. I guess that is what I get for kissing him. Bah! I have recovered but he still has a cold. I think my more swift recovery has something to so with the fact that I stopped smoking. Yup, it's been almost 2 weeks. Just thinking of a cigarette makes me want to puke my pancreas out. I smell so much better. I feel clean. It's nice.
Baby is due to get spayed a week from today. As much as sometimes enjoy her heated moments of cuddling me, I can say I feel much relief that my feet will be off the hook. there were uncountable instances where she cuddled my feet and it was all I could do to not pee all over her. I contemplated wearing one of those diapers, but I could'nt find any in my size with Elmo on them, and I gave up.
I am starting to get into web development and advertising. I think. I don't know. I go back and forth with it and I am not really sure where I stand with the whole thing. I will start off with the proofreading and revision of text, which is definitely my forte, so I know I will do well. Will keep you posted.
I love corn dogs. They are filling and satisfying. But I always end up burning one side. I love mine with ketchup and mustard, how about you?
The grip is not slipping, only grasping tighter I have days, even weeks where the mood seems lighter I wish it called to me so I would have an excuse But it feels more like an emotional noose More and more, I can't get my fill It's not as easy as just taking a pill How wonderful it would be to wear something better Instead I sit here filled, writing this letter My muscles atrophy, and my body aches In the presence of people my demeanor fakes This disease with no name has over taken my life Since the age of twelve, a double edged knife It's just a disorder, time to rearrange my thoughts Sounds so simple, like the alcoholic with no shots Not many understand its hold on me But then again I don't allow many to see How it ravages me, like it can be ignored How easily I succumb just being bored It's so much more than that, it's a living hell I some how must break this damn spell My mind is strong but my will is weak Yet the future sometimes seems so bleak So until I feel my soul is worth saving In the cavern I will stay, as it starts caving
You have my undying guilt that I was never what you wanted I was not successful enough for you to have flaunted You have my apologies that I was not a male Here lies my life, in which to you I have failed You only talked me to about cleaning my room and school I only have had all these years to be a fool For thinking I was fortunate, a lucky one Cuz you didn't abuse me, just the one that you shun A new life for you, jubilation you must feel To finally have gotten your son, now you can heal Did he get your attention, conversation and praise? Was he lied to and manipulated in many ways? Was he put in the middle and denied something stable? Was he moved every minute, bound to disable? You seem oblivious as to why myself I can't find You can't seriously be this painfully blind The morals you instilled are not ones to boast For being so ignorant to you I must toast So I raise my glass to the man who must be Only by genetics be a part of me I've been pushed to where I can no longer bend You never even bothered to pretend I'm sorry I failed you, I never meant to disappoint All this guilt has me falling apart at the joints I sometimes wonder if I should just shut the door But to do so I'd have to pick myself up off the floor So sing your words of chagrin and disillusion And brag on your new family's wonderful fusion Just leave me behind since I bring such dismay And let me deal with my soul's inner fray One last time, I'm sorry I have forsaken 29 years is all it has taken
cynical
contemplative
cranky
hopeful
cooky/wacky
happy
envious
artistic
full
cold