4:56 PM - oldsters and their irish creme syrup
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Food and Restaurants

It turns out, the perky little fresh faced Starbucks girl doesn't remember when Starbucks used to have Irish Creme syrup.

Now, I recognize in the eyes of the perky little fresh faced Starbucks girl, I must appear older than dirt, especially in my oversize "That's What She Said" t-shirt with a big picture of Michael from the Office on it, and my ratty shorts and pink flip flops, with my "just woke up" hair sticking out all over the place.

But seriously.

Does it warrant a rolling of eyes and a "That must have been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago!"

Does it really?

"Well, only four or five years ago, I think," says I, a little disgruntled. To which she nods her head wisely, as if to indicate that is indeed a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago, and since I must be older than dirt, it must seem just like it was yesterday.

Kids these days, I tell ya.

The back story to this, is that (a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago) Starbucks used to have Irish Creme syrup. Back before Fresh Face Little Barista was born, apparently, I used to work at Starbucks and an Irish Creme Mocha was my drink of choice.

Well about five years ago, Starbucks decided to discontinue their Irish Creme syrup. This, my friends, is the one and only time Starbucks has ever let me down in my LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG and productive history with them.

I wrote comment cards and got free drinks, but no Irish Creme syrup back in the stores. My local Starbucks manager hoarded all his remaining bottles and would only serve it to me. Which was cool, but I was all the more bitter once it ran out.

Now, it might just be me, but isn't Irish Creme like, a STAPLE of coffee houses everywhere? Don't they even sell Irish Creme creamer for your regular coffee? Seriously. Five years later this still gets to me. All brought to the fore this morning when Fresh Faced Little Barista commented that there was nothing better than caramel (my current favorite) and chocolate together. In response, I couldn't help but relate my story of the long-lost-but-still-remembered Irish Creme syrup.

I felt like a doddering old grandma sitting in her wheelchair telling her bored grandkids about her first date with grandpa to the sock hop.

Jeepers, I'm getting old.

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6:18 PM - ode to my hat.
Current mood: sweaty
Category: Life

It truly is amazing what comes out of the woodwork when you post a pic of yourself with the word "Porn" in it.

So far this morning, I have been asked whether I'd like to share too-hot-for-Myspace pics, how many movies I've made, and a rather innocuous sounding "Hi, how was your weekend?" (that's how they reel you in...next it will be 'I had a great weekend too, here's a picture of my penis'). It's not even noon yet, for crying out loud.

Pft.

I wore the hat out last night, and wouldn't you know it, there was a bikini contest at the bar I went to. My friends and I settled in to entertain ourselves watching, betting on the percentage of tramp stamps we'd see on the participants. I was guessing 95%. I lost, though, because all THREE of the contestants had it. Seriously, as you know, I WOULD have participated, it's just that, wouldn't you know it, I seem to have misplaced my bikini. Or it's in the laundry. Being drycleaned? Something like that. It's a shame, really. If it was a wet T-Shirt contest, now...that would have been something different entirely.

Nonetheless, it was mildly entertaining. Especially when some old guy with a front row seat asked me if I was participating in the contest on my way back from getting a drink. Once I picked myself up off the floor and caught my breath from laughing my head off, I said, quite kindly, I think, "Hell no."

To which HE replied, "Why not? You're a porn star, aren't you?" I said, quite logically, "I don't have to wear a bikini to be a porn star."

I really actually think he really did think I was a porn star...he kept stopping me every time I walked by with some lame half-ass jokes about having sex on video. Which, while sort of flattering, was a little creepy considering he was not only old enough to be my father, but was creeping up on grandfather status even. Yechh.

We'll see how the day progresses. With luck, I might have some entertaining emails to share with everyone by tomorrow.

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11:21 PM - attention team!
Current mood: fabulous
Category: Blogging

Yes, yes, it's me back from the dead. Again.

Two very important things happened today.

One, I got my nails and toes did:

and two, I acquired this:

Porn Star. Need I say more? One has to also appreciate how very little it takes to make me happy, seriously. It's a problem, I think.

My neigbors decided not to stop at outdoing me with their fabulous rock wall, and went ahead and put up a fence. A really nice, beautiful, six foot high fence. This is actually a good thing because now that's one whole side I don't have to fence myself, and I am pretty sure that my property value increased at least a little bit by default. Plus now I can pretty much walk around stark naked without worrying that they can see right in. Not that I didn't before, I just felt bad about exposing them to a 2N in all her white (aside from the arms), jiggly, naked glory. Woot!

What else, what else...

I just got back from California, again. I head back there in September for 11 days which will be fun, I think. Any time work pays for a weekend in a foreign city, one has to be kind of excited, I think.

95 degrees and counting today, it must be. Seriously hot. Us Northwesterners can't handle it, we wilt. We shrivel up and die from lack of rain, I think. It's a sad thing. I have the air conditioning on full blast, and fully intend to throw away the energy bill when it comes.

Okay, enough small talk. I'm off to read the 347 blogs that have been posted in my absence. Cheers!

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2:06 PM - imitation foghorns
Current mood: cranky
Category: Life

I have strange neighbors.

I'm sure we all have strange neighbors, now that I think on it, however I think at times, mine are truly extraordinary.

The ones on the left hand side, that is. The ones on the left are a female cop and her military-slash-karate-instructor husband. Oh, and their daughter that likes to have underage parties whenever mom and dad are out of town. That's a blog for a different day, however. My neighbors on the left hand side make me feel safer, chiefly because of the noticeable cop car parked in the driveway most of the time.

My neighbors on the right hand side, though...they're a whole different story.

For those of you that have already been to my house, you probably are already familiar with the terrifying shrieks and screams that issue from next door on a regular basis. For those of you that haven't...let's just say that the mother, daughter, son, AND father that live there all possess an astonishingly strong set of lungs.

Let me back up. When I first moved in, the house next door appeared to be deserted. Two stories tall, light brown with dark brown trim, and an attached garage whose door is on its last legs, with blankets obscuring all the windows and years' worth of junk accumulated on the front porch. It was a daunting sight.

A few months into my residency in the Casa of Looooove, it appeared that the next door house was, in fact, occupied - by an elderly gentleman who started having heart attacks or some other medical emergency on a fairly regular basis. The reason I know he was an elderly gentleman is that I could regularly hear the aforementioned astonishing lungs screaming "Grandpa" whenever they came to visit and he took longer than usual to answer the door; and the reason I know he had medical emergencies is that at least once a week a fire truck would come screaming up the street to park itself outside the front of his house. Due to the length of the firetrucks, that meant they were also partially in front of my house.

At any rate, eventually the geezer died or was carted off to an old folks' home....which is when my current neighbors (his relations, I can only assume, since the house never went on the market) moved in.

In the months since, I have been an unwilling audience to more shouted orders, arguments, and "conversations" than I can even count. It appears that no time is a bad time for yelling from the front yard to the back yard, from the porch into the great unknown, or for yelling at the top of ones lungs at any time, really.

Through various conversations with the mom, dad, and kids, I have gathered that the mom and dad work at the local food bank. At some point, the dad or another man living there must have been some sort of semi driver, because the first I knew that there was actually someone living in the abandoned house next door was that there was the huge semi truck parked in front of their house (again, by extension, my house), running at 3:00 in the morning, at least five nights out of every seven. I would usually wake up to the sound of the engine starting, followed by the sound of the engine continuing to run for at least another thirty minutes, usually followed by screaming fights that ended with the guy either coming inside, or being run off the property by some hysterical female. Generally accompanied by assorted curses and swear words. I am assuming this was the mom.

I don't know if you've ever heard what a semi engine combined with a knock down drag out fight sounds like at 3:00 AM, but let me assure you that it's an experience I gladly would have sacrificed for a good night's sleep.

At any rate, what we have today is a little boy, 6, a girl, about 11 or 12, a mom, and dad.

My first actual interface with this family consisted of encountering the boy (we'll call him Toad) and his little friend in my front yard.

Now, I hate to be the Uptight Next Door Neighbor Bitch, but just because there's no fence between my property and theirs doesn't mean that my front yard (and all my plants!!) are theirs to play in. That being said, I tried to relax and not worry but eventually I saw them playing on the rock wall (still unfinished) in the front yard. At this point, I was really getting agitated - and try as I might, I couldn't stop visions of children tumbling down the rocky slope, into the street, and getting pulverized. As entertaining as that sounded at the moment, I knew I needed to stop it. So I did.

Five minutes afterward, I was folding laundry at the BACK of my house, and who should appear but Toad and his little buddy, playing on my back deck. Which, by the way, IS separated from their yard by a fence.

This being too much, I promptly marched outside and let them know that they needed to go home, and marched back inside. I answer the back door five minutes later to Toad asking for candy, and the friend digging up the thyme plants in my patio.

As you can imagine, this was too much. I hustled them back home ASAP. Without any candy.

My first encounter with the girl (we'll call her Drill Sergeant) was strictly auditory. She has got the most impressive lungs of the group. For months I've been hearing her bawl out orders to her younger brother and thought it was her mom. It wasn't until Toad wandered over to pet the Dogs one day and she came looking for him that I realized this loud, obnoxious yell was coming from the daughter. Not that the mom is anything to sneeze at - I heard her yesterday yelling at the kids to stay off the porch and I swear my eardrums rang for hours after.

The father is the one that told me they work at the food bank, when he gave me a pack of unopened cinnamon rolls. I wondered for a while whether he was making nice or whether he thought I was starving...or maybe they were drugged. I don't know, I didn't eat them.

At any rate, so the Kid is with me all week and while the weather has been absolutely fantastic, he's been inside playing video games the whole time. Until yesterday.

Yesterday, Toad and DS were in the front yard (of their house, thankfully) spraying each other with the hose. Kid asked if he could go play with them, and then I was stuck.

Do I tell him no, I don't want him associating with the neighbors next door? Or do I encourage him to make friends? Can I rein in the Uptight Next Door Neighbor Bitch tendencies long enough for him to expand his social circle?

With major encouragement from 1N, I decided to give it a shot.

In retrospect, it's been a good thing. Right now the kids are out riding bikes and having fun in the sun, and I am in here writing this blog in the peace and quiet. My plants are still mostly intact. I am, however, short one entire roll of toilet paper that somehow "unrolled itself" all over the bathroom floor, and my ears are still ringing from the hours all three spent banging on the Kid's drum set he got for Christmas.

And, I have no Otter Pops left.

A small price to pay, I think, if the Kid can make new friends. As long as they don't pass on their foghorn-imitation skills, I suppose.

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1:32 PM - mr. tailgater guy: i hate you!
Current mood: breezy
Category: Travel and Places

Dear Mr. Tailgater Guy:

First of all, let me preface this by saying how well I understand that where ever you are going is always going to be more important than where I am going. I understand that the world revolves around you, and that me and my puny vehicle, while still traveling at five miles over the speed limit, are still traveling far too slowly for your fast-lane ass. I understand that car lengths are so difficult to judge at high speeds, and that a half a car length is ALMOST the same as three - who can blame you for not being able to tell the difference? Especially when you were out getting your pud yanked by your bucktoothed, knock-kneed, crosseyed girlfriend on the day they covered that in driver's ed.

I'd just like to say, thank you. Thank you for giving me the motivation to make sure my brakes are always in tip top shape, on the off chance that someday I'll be able to test how well your plastic front bumper handles a collision with the back end of the Jeep. Thank you for teaching me that it's really okay to wave my middle finger out the window as you speed past. I've found that it is a marvelous method of relieving tension.

Whatever would I do without you, Mr. Asshole-Tailgater-Guy? It's you that affords me the opportunity to relieve the boredom of my home to airport commute by watching you get pulled over by the friendly state trooper that you blew past because you were so obsessed with passing me at warp speed as soon as I gave you the opportunity.

Are you wondering why, just when you approach, I'm suddenly slowing down? It's because I'm trying to give you the easiest opportunity to set up camp in my tailpipe. I have to wonder if you can actually get high on the exhaust. Someday when you're sitting at the side of the road because you just slammed into someone because you were following too closely, I will have to ask.

In closing, I'd just like to remind you that just because I am a girl, you should by no means assume that I won't brace myself for collision, slam on my brakes, march over to you and yank your yuppie ass right out of your expensive Beemer/Jaguar/Mercedes/Miscellaneous-Piece-Of-Shit. I will not hesitate to whip you like the dog you are. Use the brains that your misbegotten mother (hopefully) gave you...and BACK THE FUCK OFF.

Before I get upset.

Thank you,

2N, The UNSINKABLE!

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12:23 PM - rocky horror and dog washing
Current mood: blissful
Category: Life

As anyone who has seen the movie at home and either a theater showing of it or a live play of it, The Rocky Horror Show is a completely different experience live than when sitting at home watching it with popcorn.

As I found out yesterday, when I went to a showing in Olympia with my friend Mike.

I couldn't take pictures in the theater, since it was a live performance...but, for anyone who hasn't yet seen it and likes funky crazy transsexual humor (and who doesn't, really?)...I highly recommend it.

Most of these pics are from his album so you can see the bigger pics in his Rocky Horror Picture Show album:

It was totally fun.

Then, today, it was Dog Washing Day. Since I knew it was coming and the Dogs did not, I took them to Starbucks for a little treat.

When I first started going to Starbucks with the Dogs, this one particular barista used to always ask whether I wanted whipped cream for the Dogs. I always said no, thinking that no self-respecting Dog would ever be caught dead eating whipped cream out of a little cup. Apparently, I was wrong:

She is actually licking the bottom of the cup. It's a delicacy where she comes from, I guess.

After the treat, it was time for The Bath. The Dog went first:

The Bitch, knowing what was coming next, hid:

But I got her in the end:

The upside being that now I have two nice and clean, pretty smelling Dogs:

So now they're all clean, but I smell like wet Dog. Off to take a shower. Enjoy the rest of your weekends!

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11:32 AM - pleasure? not really.
Current mood: catalyzed
Category: Life

• I try to be who someone wants me to be.
• I am afraid to rock the boat.
• It is hard for me to know what I want.
• I avoid speaking my mind.
• I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
• I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
• It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I'm close to.
• It is difficult for me to say No.
• I avoid getting angry.
• It is hard for me to take initiative.
• I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
• I want everyone to get along.

If these statements fit you in certain situations, you may have a People Pleaser Pattern.

I mean it. And I'm not afraid to say it!

Well, I am, actually. There's a lot of things I avoid saying - in my blog AND in real life - because of a lot of the reasons listed above. According to the article, there's a variant on people pleasing that is right up my alley:

Please-then-Explode. While one part of you is pleasing people, another part may be feeling resentful. The resentment gradually builds up until it becomes anger or even rage. At some point, the angry part takes over from the compliant part, and you suddenly explode in rage. The person you were pleasing doesn't know what hit them. They thought you were totally happy going along with them, and all of a sudden, you are livid. You feel controlled; your needs are being ignored, and you're not going to take it any more. Usually the rage is impotent rage. Because you haven't really learned how to assert yourself, your anger may take the form of flailing around rather than really changing things. You don't really expect to get what you want, and your anger is expressed in a powerless way. Soon you feel ashamed of your outburst, your compliant part takes over again, and the pattern repeats itself.

This is TOTALLY what I do sometimes. Not all the time, but often enough that I can recognize it. Even here, where this is MY blog and I should be able to say whatever I want, I hesitate. Not because I like to keep my private life private (we all know THAT isn't an issue) but because I am frightened of the reaction I would get from people if I were to write about things that involved them. Even if it was written so indirectly that only they and I knew that it was about them. Even sometimes if it was written so indirectly that only I knew it was about them.

I've written about this before, as you know. It's one of the things that I like least about myself. It seems like no matter how much I write about it and how much I dislike this behavior, all I do is talk and never do anything about it. The article linked above (and others I have read) give some good pointers on how to break the habit and start asserting my own feelings more. What I really need is a twelve-step program. Seriously. Some sort of People Pleasers Anonymous program. Maybe I can make one up. What do you think?

Step 1: Admit Defeat.

Step 2: Overdose on self help books and Dr. Phil.

Step 3: Make a list of all the things you feel but don't say.

Step 4: Send emails to all people involved in Step 3. Tell them to kiss your ass.

Step 5: Hide.

Step 6: Move out of state.

Step 7: Send apology emails to all people involved in Step 4.

Step 8: Castigate yourself for being such a pansy.

Step 9: Retract all apology emails.

Step 10: Move out of the country.

Step 11: Drink yourself into a stupor so you don't have to worry about what everyone thinks about you.

Step 12: Hang yourself with bits of leftover twine and masking tape because you're not worth a brand new rope.

Hmmmm...somehow I don't think that will work for me.

Instead...I can think of three things that have been bothering me or gone unaddressed because I'm too worried about people's reactions. How about I start there and see how it goes? Maybe I won't end up having to hang myself with twine after all.

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12:36 PM - good ideas
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

So over the weekend I had an idea:

Which took like all day to do, and was fun for a while, until the braids started getting all fuzzy on one side because I didn't spritz them with water before they were braided.

So that was fun.

Not all ideas are great, however...

...

...

Oh well. I guess I could always pretend I'm on my way to a White Snake concert.

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10:59 AM - Blogalog 2007
Current mood: breezy
Category: Blogging

Another addition to the Blogalog. It's your day to get spammed by 2N!

Blogalog 2006
Blogalog 2008

2007

Loaded For Blog

1/5/07 - metric whatever whatever...ugh
1/11/07 - horsies and puppies
1/18/07 - wrong place, wrong time
1/25/07 - from you, i learned
2/1/07 - wrong turn
2/15/07 - the cock job
2/22/07 - love in the golden years
3/1/07 - shpring is in the air
3/8/07 - get it right
3/22/07 - yes, i got my wife back, my car back, AND my dog back
4/5/07 - minnie the mouse
4/12/07 - tax day? wtf?
4/19/07 - she likes me! (earnest vIII)
5/24/07 - mama mia!
5/31/07 - happy birthday!
6/7/07 - would thee like my bowthe?
6/14/07 - broken record
7/5/07 - BLAH!
7/12/07 - hidden treasures
8/2/07 - morning melodrama
8/9/07 - strap in, it's speedo time
8/16/07 - football fantasia
9/6/07 - the good life
10/4/07 - no fear (or maybe some)

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

1/15/07 - week one
1/22/07 - week two
1/24/07 - ode to cheesy poofs
1/29/07 -  week three
2/5/07 - week four
2/12/07 - week five
2/14/07 - death of a pedometer
2/20/07 - week six
2/27/07 - week seven
3/20/07 - week nine

Photoblogs

2/25/07 - a walk through the styles
4/23/07 - fun time travels!
5/8/07 - vacation files (or, where I've been for the past two weeks)

Gardening Bliss

3/28/07 - flowers, dirt, and worms, that's what little 2ns are made of
4/3/07 -  worse than worms
4/7/07 - more on last weekend
4/23/07 - gardening!
7/29/07 - summer means yard work...
8/21/07 - tuesday ramblings and more gardening pics

Soapbox

2/13/07 - give me passion...or give me death
5/14/07 - mother's day storytime
6/5/07 - gasoline panda jerks!
6/19/07 - D.R.E.A.M.
8/20/07 - pygmalion: late night hypotheses

Blogging and Found Brain Vomit

1/11/07 - show me the money!
2/26/07 - the interview
3/8/07 - one-year blogstravaganza!

Random Observations

1/16/07 - doctor day
1/23/07 - scatterbrained. ass.
4/6/07 - snoring like a rusty jigsaw
6/8/07 - how harry met sally
8/15/07 - caution: consume with extreme care

Love & Relationships

3/13/07 - the green eyed monster

Home Fries

1/14/07 - i am a fire hazard
1/19/07 - tsk, tsk!
2/8/07 - abc's of 2N (courtesy of 3D) and 10 bizarre things (courtesy of FD)
9/10/07 - cooking with the domestically impaired: casseroles
9/14/07 - lookie what *i* got!

Day to Day Crap That I Had to Get Out of My Head Before I Puked

1/14/07 - i luvva da terms of endearment
1/28/07 - mindless self-indulgence
1/29/07 - i am still defiant
1/30/07 - mama
3/18/07 - to write or not to write
6/2/07 - sweet saturday nothings
6/3/07 - melty chocolate and jasmines and birthdays
10/16/07 - so what's up with you?
10/16/07 - what happened with the mouse

Tales From The Inbox

1/28/07 - for $5,000? i'm almost tempted...but then again, perhaps not.

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10:52 AM - Blogalog 2006
Current mood: fabulous
Category: Blogging

Just more organization to the Blogalog - apparently it got too big! Carry on!

Blogalog 2007
Blogalog 2008

2006

Loaded For Blog

6/1/06 - 10 post-humous love songs
6/8/06 - a tale of two minds
6/15/06 - what women want...LFB bitches!
6/22/06 - making the most of it
6/29/06 - a day in the life
7/14/06 - cornhole corey
7/21/06 - grocery store massacre
7/29/06 - meow.
8/3/06 - lfb's been a bad, bad, boy-girl-girl
8/11/06 - at-frickin'-LAST! (or, coyote vs roadrunner)
8/22/06 - a hard of hearing what?
8/24/06 - 65,000 Stampede Out Of Qwest Field; Seahawks Win
9/1/06 - a mythtery!
9/7/06 - earnest and masta pud
9/14/06 - angelina's antics
9/21/06 - i'm sorry...what did you say you were worth?
9/28/06 - space camp lessons
10/5/06 - rainy nights and forgiveness
10/12/06 - instant replay
11/2/06 - daylight wasting or saving?
11/9/06 - oh for the love of pete!
11/16/06 - no frickin' way...
11/23/06 - fashion sense? puh-leeze
12/7/06 - would you like some corn?
12/21/06 - hell YEAH, i want cheesy poofs!
12/28/06 - turnabout's fair play

Photoblogs

4/10/06 - owie
4/28/06 - flip me off. i dare ya.
5/5/06 - the casa tour...with pictures!
5/7/06 - donshu tush me
5/13/06 - 2N's evening of domestic bliss
5/17/06 - blue olives, stalkers, and appreciation
5/29/06 - oh for godness sakes, i;m drunked and can't think f a subject
6/24/06 - a whole lotta nuthin'
8/24/06 - put your butter on my toast!
9/6/06 - first annual bertie bott's jelly bean eating competition!
9/14/06 - photo blog to end all photo blogs (or: catching up all in one blog)
9/19/06 - the REAL photoblog to end all photoblogs: in which we hoped to see a sliming 
10/29/06 - nightmare before halloween

Soapbox

Blogging and Found Brain Vomit

4/25/06 - what you won't find...and things you will
4/28/06 - it's ed mcmahon...and i'm on the toilet!
4/30/06 - last gasp
5/13/06 - oh, just stfu
5/16/06 - interview with 2N - my 101st!
7/15/06 - tales from city lights
7/24/06 - it's frickin' hot in huuurre...not taking off my clothes
8/6/06 - come on, showcase you're talent
8/16/06 - erm. what now?

Random Observations

Love & Relationships

3/7/06 - silent dumping...even more gross than blind friend adds.
3/30/06 - on mussels and ball-peen hammers
4/11/06 - pontifications
4/23/06 - attraction...the good, the bad, and the ugly
5/3/06 - bitchblog
5/13/06 - a frickin' mom's day blog. sorry.
5/28/06 - i buzz like neon
6/3/06 - on the spilling of the guts
6/21/06 - sparkishness
6/26/06 - and when it's over...then what?
8/8/06 - i love you
11/8/06 - doing the dishes and not enough lemons
11/14/06 - oof.

Home Fries

4/21/06 - the overview
3/26/06 - a typical sunday...abstinence is for assholes
3/26/06 - unsolicited advice
5/7/06 - the 2N lexicon
5/8/06 - attack of the urban meadow
5/17/06 - post-humous encounters
8/9/06 - did you poop me out?
10/6/06 - fifty things - maybe not interesting, but there you have it
11/15/06 - new addition to the family
12/7/06 - growling from the butt 

Day to Day Crap That I Had to Get Out of My Head Before I Puked

3/27/06 - the Dog vs ex-boyfriend
3/28/06 - five things i hate about today: provin