2:00 AM - IT’S HOW YOU WALK ON LAND
Category: Life

Everybody covets everybody lies
Everybody's done it some time in their lives
We all slip, we don't mean to
That don't mean you can't make it right

It's the path you take the steps you make
That make you who you are
It's the life you live
The gifts you give
The love that's in your heart
Just try to do the best you can to be a better man
You don't have to walk on water
It's how you walk on land

Everybody judges everybody else
Everybody's done it to everyone but themselves
We know what's right
But we still go wrong
And life still goes on
Even when we fail

It's the path you take the steps you make
That make you who you are
It's the life you live
The gifts you give
The love that's in your heart
Just try to do the best you can to be a better man
You don't have to walk on water
It's how you walk on land

You don't have to walk on water
It's how you walk on land ~ Blue County

There is never a category that truly fits what I write. End rant moving on.

I'm not sure what precipitated it. In the past, I usually can pinpoint the moment or upon careful introspection of retrospections (which is probably a better description) when something propells me forward like this. When intuition, positivity, introspection, awareness and spirituality become heightened and intense.

I've looked over my former blogs. Are they now ex-blogs? No, just former. Not like the saying from the lady at the conference I went to over the summer who called her former husband: was-band. I loved that! ADD in full swing tonight.

After reading through my blogs, I noted how well I documented my journey. Okay not as well as I could have but I'm personally impressed with myself. Knowing myself as well as I do, I can tell you with phenomenal authority on this subject, that I did pretty darn well with documenting my journey.

Here's the thing. It was only done half-assed. Yup. There's me for ya. I only wrote about my love life. Because that was the task I believed I needed to accomplish, the lesson needed to be learned. I wasn't wrong in that assessment.

Rumi wrote, "Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." I looked at this literally for a long time. Love in the intimate/partner/sexual industrialist/share the rest of your life with someone sense. I found that in Chris. Again, wasn't wrong...to a point.

What I didn't realize that along the way, I had more healing to do. Barriers to take down. I think like another quote of Rumi's, "Lover's don't meet somewhere along the way, they are in each other all along." I didn't realize the knowledge has been with me all along, in me. I kept looking at these quotes like the incurable hopeFUL romantic I hope to remain.

Sure there are issues I have tackled, Grandma, my step-father (sort of), my step-mother (her nastiness and her death - sort of), my father, my mother, my was-dee dee dee...etc. and many more. I haven't fully tackled them. Note the sort of's. Looking at this now I am able to acknowledge there are more barriers than I realized. Hence the urgency to listen to my intuition or messages from God or signs or whatever.

I got an email out of the blue from an old friend who was one I had connected with ages ago who actually is the one who I would have to credit with setting me on my spiritual path. It was great hearing from K and today I replied to her, venting about life as I know it. (Read: long ass email)

It also brought me to the email lessons I've subscribed to that I enjoy. This is where I learned of the Law of Detachment and the Law of Attraction. It once again connected me to butterflies...change in a positive beautiful manner.

I got to thinking about the books I'm reading. I just took back four to the library but those don't count. They were fluff books. No not fluff in the porn sense though one by Christina Dodd got me revved up pretty good. No, fluff in the sense that it isn't serious or "firm" reading. Fluff, soft, comfortable, easy. I have three more in a pile by the couch.

No, these books are ones that speak to the topic at hand. Here they are and I'll explain the connections and signs along with each.

First, Conversations with God, An Uncommon Dialogue Book 1 by Neale Donald Walsch. This book I had gotten while away in Rhinebeck, NY for a training at Omega. Purely by chance, okay looking for a sushi restaurant, I pulled into a shopping plaza. This large store had a sign on the front that read, "Book Sale". Of course you know I had to stop. I'd have been certifiable if I didn't. Inside I was told to grab a paper shopping bag and fill it for $5, as much as I could fit. OH MY GAWD I was in book heaven! Tables upon tables of piles upon piles of books sprawled out before my glazed over eyes. They even categorized them! I ran to the religious/self help section and filled my bag up with all sorts of goodies. This book was one of them. It jumped out at me because I remembered my mother commenting on how much she enjoyed reading it (about a week or two before this took place) and thought I'd really enjoy it. She said it contained much of my beliefs. So far she's right.

The other book is Soul Coaching by Denise Linn. She has a great take on cleansing, opening and renewing. I bought the book MONTHS ago. Did it for a day and then forgot about it. It came up again because it is time. Oh and I found another one of her books, Quest at the book sale. I'm not on to that one...yet.

Another book is You Can Heal Your Life by Louise May. I bought it at the same time I got Denise Linn's book. The crack up part for me is that I already had the book in my book case. It was part of a selection of books I'd gotten from my mother when she'd gone through her books she no longer wanted about four years ago. I put it on the shelf, knowing I'd like it, but never read it. Now I am.

Then I went back to my bookcase the other day to find a book for Chris to read, which he didn't after I got it. In there I found a book I'd bought probably five years ago now. It was just before I started massage therapy school, where I'd heard a reference to it but still hadn't read it. The book is called Awakening Intuition by Mona Lisa Schultz. I am really enjoying it.

The interesting thing is that they all tie together in some form. Awakening Intuition references Louise Hay's book. Louise Hay is connected to Denise Linn. Everything that is talked about in Conversations with God is touched upon in these books. Confirmation of sorts or perhaps validation of my path.

These are the main books I'm reading now. I alternate between them.

So here I am again. Something is happening. Something is coming. I can feel it. What it is I am not sure. I just know it is. Faith. My son would say, "You're just being silly riding unicorns and pooping butterflies." (Horton Hears a Who reference) I would answer, "Hey, I like butterflies."

I'm not walking on water but doing my best to walk on land and pay attention to how and where I am walking. Living the life I live with the gifts I've been blessed with.

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11:47 PM - FIND OUT IN MY OWN WAY
Category: Life

 Hey sister
I never knew which way to go
Everybody had an answer
So I said
Go lecture someone, go lecture someone

I could feel it in my heart babe
I couldn't scream, I couldn't shout
I had to find out in my own way
Ran into someone - ran into someone

I'll be the woman I am
Now I don't have to hide
All that I feel inside
I'll be the woman I am
Just had to let it show
Had nowhere else to go

I had to learn to trust myself
I had to learn just when to say no
Always trying to please someone else
I had to let go, I had to let go

The world is filled of many wonders
I had to look to heaven for my own
I saw the star that I was unter
Lord lead me back home, lead me back home

I'll be the woman I am
Now I don't have to hide
All that I feel inside
I'll be the woman I am
Just had to let it show
Had nowhere else to go

I can look at myself and I'm not afraid
I have finally learned how to love
I can feel everything that I've never felt
And I'm sure now that I've always known ~ Chaka Khan

Its rumored that most authors write what they know. The location is one they are familiar with, the people are those they are surrounded by and the activities, well the activities are ones the author has either experienced directly or indirectly. It got me thinking. Whoa baby! I know. Here she goes thinking again. Seriously, what do I know? Now there are many directions I could take that question and run and I mean gallop like Seabiscuit taking over for a native in the African desert trying to get a message to neighboring tribe.

What do I know? Heck, what I know could fill a book. Hey...now there's a novel idea. Heh, get it, novel...okay, I am a cornball...second possibly third generation.

How to start? Where to start? That is probably a better question. I thought about taking some dice and rolling them and then figuring out what numbers came up. Then I would corrolate them to an age and pick that age to find something to write about. See what happens? Every time I start thinking about how to write, I get bogged down in details that really don't need to be there. When I think about my story or better yet my experiences I get so overwhelmed I feel stuck under piles and piles of boxes of memorabilia (read: packrat crap).

I could write about today as in where I am right now in my life. Perhaps that will lead to beyond and back again, covering it all. Then comes the question...is my life worth reading? I can't speak for others but it certainly gives me a chuckle with all the twists and turns, ironies and quirky moments. The blinkers alone would be worth mentioning. There are quite a few.

I guess I'd like for other people to read my words and gain something from them, whether it be a look at their own memories/experiences, a smile or motivation to do something I did or didn't do. Ultimately, I'd write it for myself as I've always done. Notariety is just a bonus, like getting an additional surprise toy from a gumball machine or two peanuts in your peanut M&M or that extra hour of sleep when the clocks get turned back in the Fall. Bonuses all of them...but certainly not expected. Okay, so I do expect that extra hour of sleep in the Fall, but who doesn't? Its still a bonus.

I'd like to say I'm not unique so I can talk myself out of writing this. Truth be told, I am. Everyone is. Even one of my professors at school called me, "eclectic". Totally how I'd describe myself. My mother seemed surprised by that statement. I think this is because she doesn't completely know me. She knows this too. That she doesn't know me, I mean. She tells people she is constantly getting surprised by things I have done or know or am capable of doing. Sometimes this is good, sometimes not so good.

Like the time she found out about my having the party at the house when she went away my senior year of high school. Okay, the part-ies I had. One every weekend for the month of September. What a great way to kick off Senior Year! Woohoo! She still doesn't know about my friends losing their virginity at my house. Yes, friends and no...I wasn't involved in any way.

Well, does walking in without the lights on while a bit tipsy and not really knowing what was going on count as being "involved"? I mean, it wasn't as if I saw anything! Eww. I don't think I could have ever looked that guy in the face again. As it was after my friend told me what happened I blushed each time I saw him for about two months. It would have made for a great addition to this story if I did participate.

You'll notice a theme of "blond" moments where I skirted by the extreme side...the dark side. Then there are other times when I dove right into the deep mirky waters head first without even thinking about the need for air or rescue.

I've always kept a bit of myself secret. I'm a Rat. No not a ratfink. Haven't heard that in a long time...or ever, huh? I was born in the YEAR of the Rat. We hide things. Some people know somethings, others know other things, and then others still know other things...but the only person who knows everything...is me. Until now. This is a chance for me to learn more about the woman I am.

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2:00 PM - LOOKING TO THE EAST
Category: Life

But ev'ryday there's a new thing comin',
the ways of an oriental view.
The sheriff and his buddies
with their samurai swords,
you can even hear the music at night.
And though it's part of the Lone Star State
people don't seem to care,
they just keep on lookin' to the East.

Talkin' 'bout the China Grove, oh, China Grove. ~ Doobie Brothers

As a little girl, I remember some of the silly rhymes we sang out loud at recess. More often than not it was a sort of war cry to the icky cootie ridden boys to begin the boys-chase-the-girls then the girls-beat-up-the-boys-because-they-won't-get-in-as-much-trouble. We had rhymes for jumprope. Ones we didn't really get the meaning of but knew there was something a bit naughty about them.

We'd learned how to swear without our parents really knowing about it. Sugar Honey Iced Tea. Take the first letter of each word and oops, you have SHIT. We thought we were sly little munchkins pulling the wool over adults eyes.

One rhyme I was never a fan of but remember participating in was:

Chinese, Japanese
Dirty Knees,
Look at these!

Children would slant their eyes one way for Chinese then the other for Japanese. I never knew which way was which because I didn't think by slanting my eyes I could become either Chinese or Japanese. I found both nationalities beautifully different from me even at the age of six.

Dirty knees, well, I was a tomboy so I did indeed have those.

Now don't go thinking I was some altruistic sweet little girl from the "what are little girls made of" fame. I wasn't. I didn't realize we were putting these nations down by singing out this racist little chant.

No, what I didn't like was the "Look at these!" part. I didn't have "these", was fairly certain it would be a long ass time before "these" ever made themselves known even to me so why the hell would I want to call attention to them starting at such a early point in my life?! I have "these" now. I still don't want people to focus on them though because they are not quite "THESE" (the kind you can't help but call attention to) but ones I'm comfortable with. I can still hear the little girls giggling when they pulled their shirts out to notate "these".

When I was a Senior in high school, languages fascinated me. I studied French and Italian. It wasn't enough. I had a cousin who majored in languages at Boston University. I was in awe of her. She dressed as she wanted (punk at the time but considered goth today). She flouted my families morals and values with her appearance. A good little Christian girl would NEVER wear pink hair, be pierced in those places and dress in black! But she did...and I thought she was awesome!

Until she focused on Swahili and moved to Africa. It was just not a place I ever wanted to go. I had thought she would take the job at the United Nations she'd been offered. To me that was the ultimate. Nope. She wanted something different. Good for her. I realized at a young age how one who lives vicariously through someone else could become disappointed when they don't realize the dream we've wanted them to follow.

I decided to take up my own dream. Undefined as it was, I took it up. I had two languages I was already focused on, why not one more? I chose Russian. I audited a class at a nearby college for a semester. I really enjoyed it but learned that wasn't the direction I wanted to go. I had thought I would become a sexy spy for the CIA going under the Iron Curtain (ha ha) and appearing to be a transplanted American-turned-Russian. Yup, full of grandiose ideas I was...sometimes still am.

I had struggled though at that time about giving up another language. Chinese jumped out at me. I had thought to go into business as an interpreter and Chinese seemed to me to be the upandcoming language. People talked me out of it. What was I thinking?! I should be learning Spanish. Fair enough. So I did that when I went to college. I learned Spanish.

At this point, I knew French (5 years), Italian (1 year), Russian (1 year) and Spanish (2 years), oh and a bit of Greek. I did nothing with any of them. I have a very good friend who is Italian and I can catch a few things from him. A best friend who is Spanish...I've yet to practice what I know on her. I did learn a bit of Greek from another friend which gets me excellent service at Greek Pizza restaurants because I can thank them in their language. French? Ha! I barely can speak any of it. I know a great deal about the history thought. I just spent a week in Old Orchard Beach, Maine and couldn't come up with a single French phrase beyond, Je ne parle pas francais (I don't speak French).

Chinese. I should have learned it. I believe eventually I will learn some. How challenging will that be? I want to learn Chinese Medicine. I'm learning Qigong and Tai Chi.

After watching the Olympics opening ceremony, my interest in China has increased. I was blown away at the synchronicity, beauty and largess of the ceremony. A shiver rushed through me. Something auspicious and ominous at the same time. A foreshadow of something to come. It depends on which direction I choose for my path whether it is beneficial or not. Time will tell.

While away this past week with the family, music was prevalent. We were in Maine and I just wanted to be away from hip-hop, rap, top40, etc. I kept the radio mostly on classic rock. I noted at one point that I didn't hear a repeat of any classic rock song on one station, as I would have back in Connecticut on one of the classic rock stations there. Then just as we were headed home, I heard China Grove come on again.

The Doobie Brothers are a favorite band of my mother. I listened to them as a child, with no choice in the music playing on the radio because I was not close to the tuner. I'm not sure I would have listened to them back then but I do now when they come on. It was many years before I realized they were singing, "China Grove". I really wasn't sure what they were saying. So I listened even more this time around.

This line, "But ev'ryday there's a new thing comin', the ways of an oriental view." jumped out at me. A new thing is coming...and for me for the last few years it has been the ways of an oriental view.

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10:00 AM - DRIFT IN THE BREEZE
Category: Life

You got to learn how to fall
Before you learn to fly
And mama, mama it aint no lie
Before you learn to fly
Learn how to fall

You got to drift in the breeze
Before you set your sails
Its an occupation where the wind prevails
Before you set your sails
Drift in the breeze

Oh and its the same old story
Ever since the world began
Everybody got the runs for glory
Nobody stop and scrutinize the plan
Nobody stop and scrutinize the plan

You got to learn how to fall
Before you learn to fly
The tank towns they tell no lie

Before you learn to fly
Learn how to fall ~ Paul Simon

I love singers who are songwriters as well. Invariably they are the ones who's music becomes my muse. I have discovered that people are not often my muse but music is. If you're all saying a collective "duh" right now, please note, I have recently dyed my hair blonde again and am not always quick to connect the synaptic fires that take place within my brain. Something to do with the hair dye I think.

This song is probably one of my favorites. It speaks loudly to my life. My mother often asked in frustrated tones, "Why do you always have to do things the hard way?" Referring her to this song, I told her calmly, "I'm perfecting my landing."

The following is an edited excerpt from JK Rowling's speech at Harvard's Commencement Ceremony this year. It caught my attention most vividly and felt it bespoke my feelings eloquently. I edited some of the words to make my point more emphasized.

JK Rowling: "On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination."

She had me at failure. Then lured me in further with the enticement of imagination.

"Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension."

At this point, I am nodding because I felt similar to her and could completely appreciate her history. While my parents were not impoverished, my mother in particular, felt my overactive imagination was going to lead me to ruin. I think the exact words were, "You're going to do something you really regret one day because you can't stop daydreaming". Okay it is a paraphrase but close to it.

She goes on, "I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools."

I have to state that I agree with her. While I do attribute certain experiences to my life with my mother and perhaps some predispositions as well, all the choices I have made in my life since I took the wheel at a very young age have been entirely my own. And notice the word "own"...I do own them.

Continuing, "What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers."

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew."

Here is where I felt closer to JK Rowling than I ever thought possible givent that we've never met nor were we even in the same vacinity.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default."

This last paragraph says it all. For a long time, I failed by default. For me however, it wasn't that I lived cautiously so as not to fail...I did it so as not to succeed. My fear was that of success. Once I embraced the fear, I was set free. I have failed...miserably at a few things in life, but I have succeeded in living. That alone has taught me how to fall. I fly all the time in my day dreams...I drift in the breeze, but ultimately, I have set my sails and I know where I'm headed...I'm prepared for the fall...and for dusting myself off and taking flight again.

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7:25 AM - ITS JUST A KISS AWAY
Category: Life

Oh, a storm is threatning
My very life today
If I dont get some shelter
Oh yeah, Im gonna fade away

War, children, its just a shot away
Its just a shot away
War, children, its just a shot away
Its just a shot away

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin
Our very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way

War, children, its just a shot away
Its just a shot away
War, children, its just a shot away
Its just a shot away

Rape, murder!
Its just a shot away
Its just a shot away


The floods is threatning
My very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or Im gonna fade away

War, children, its just a shot away
Its just a shot away
Its just a shot away
Its just a shot away
Its just a shot away
I tell you love, sister, its just a kiss away
Its just a kiss away
Its just a kiss away
Its just a kiss away
Its just a kiss away
Kiss away, kiss away~ Rolling Stones

Time ticked away as I sat in traffic waiting for the left turn arrow to light up green signaling my opportunity to head back home after dropping Romeo off at camp. "War, children..." rang out in the background. I'd forgotten the radio was on. Lost deep in thought, the song penetrated the deep caverns of my mind.

War. Our country is at war. No, I'm not having a blonde moment even though I am blonde once again. No, a sense of deja vu washed over me. Not that I've experienced war before. Not me. Though I thought of trying out for the CIA, armed forces were not something I aspired to but admired in others.

No, it was a weird sense of being in another time, experiencing a war on a deeper, profound level. It was also more in your face. It made me think about wars in the 20th century. People really rallied behind troops in the early part of the century. By the 60's, people rallied for peace. But in each case, people were passionate about war. Good or bad. Beneficial or diminishing. People felt a true passion.

Now, we've become desensitized to war. So what if three people were killed in a car bomb half way around the world. Yesterday twenty were killed in a suicide bomb attack. The death toll is just another number that is marked by people who are closely connected to the war. For others, life goes on. Gas prices rise but even that you don't see people's passion rising about. Talk yes, action, very little.

I speak in generalized terms. I speak from observation. I do not speak for everyone. I realize there are people attempting to do their part. I'm not knocking them. I am just acknowledging that I myself took a moment today to become in the moment. While moving into this moment, my mind traveled very far. It took in many experiences, thoughts, sights. Then it settled down comfortably in its safe place because I am safe. I feel secure. I can be in the moment.

Then a train came. Not a metaphorical one. A real one. Ding, ding, ding and flashing red lights up ahead. I got stuck at the light even longer. "War, children. Its just a shot away."

My mother went to Woodstock this weekend. She and her best friend decided to take a long drive, gas prices be damned. They got all the way there and remembered Woodstock didn't even take place in the town of Woodstock. They couldn't hold all the people who showed up. It was held at Max Yasgur's farm in Bethel, NY instead. So they went there...to recapture their youth? To connect with the spirit of the original event? Regain some of the passion people felt when they gathered together to question the direction American society was headed?

Sitting in traffic watching the train ease down the tracks in no hurry to get to its destination, I thought about all of this. The train needed to slow down to move off one track onto another. This requires stopping, someone sliding a track in place and the train moving forward onto the new one. Then stopping again, sliding the track away again. Then the train is off on its journey. We're a lot like trains, only I don't know if we really ever slide the right track in place.

Perhaps the two friends were thinking of all of it. It is a shame we can't gather together once again as they did in the summer of '69. We all do our parts separately. The problem is that we do it separately. We don't work together. War, we work together for because we have to.

Love, we work separately for...and it is just a kiss away.

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8:00 AM - TAI CHI VIRGO HOROSCOPE
Category: Life

Virgo Horoscope for Today: Spiritual philosophies only take you so far today; you need to engage the pragmatic side of your imagination as well. Undertaking a new practice or expanding a current one can be helpful, especially those that combine physical and metaphysical concerns. Yoga, tai chi, martial arts, or even competitive sports are possible avenues for your current growth.

Interesting. Seems as if I am right on track according to this horoscope! Be Back Soon!

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6:00 AM - BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I...
Category: Life

Its been a long time since I rock and rolled,
Its been a long time since I did the stroll.
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back,
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from.
Its been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
Yes it has.
Its been a long time since the book of love,
I cant count the tears of a life with no love.
Carry me back, carry me back,
Carry me back, baby, where I come from.
Its been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
Seems so long since we walked in the moonlight,
Making vows that just cant work right.
Open your arms, opens your arms,
Open your arms, baby, let my love come running in.
Its been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.~ Led Zeppelin

I love this song. You can't help to start grooving when you hear it. I can still picture my friends and I at our high school dance listening to this song, moving lower and lower with our bodies toward the floor as we sang "Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time!" with our voices getting deeper and deeper as well. Loads of fun.

This song popped into my mind the moment I got an instant message from a friend refering me to a blog. Been a long time since I posted. Not quite lonely time but a long time. I'm so glad I got the message though. Wonderful friends are expecting their first child. They definitely deserve it. I'm very happy for them!

I have been so swamped in the last two weeks or so that I have missed a number of important events. Number one being my soul sister's birthday. I knew it for days before it took place. I toasted to her on her day but never got a chance to contact her directly, even though I have no excuse other than an ADHD mind. I love her dearly and wish her the happiest of birthdays...thankfully I told her YEARS ago about my belief that birthdays should last a month. Now it won't sound so corny when I continue wishing her happy birthday...nor will it sound like something I contrived out of thin air to make up for my lack of acknowledgement. Happy Birthday Summery!

Now we stroll. I had mentioned in a previous blog about Tai Chi training I recently experienced. What a phenomenally transformative experience! First let me state, this is not martial arts Tai Chi Chuan. It is more Qigong and Tai Chi as medicinal healing. It changed my Reiki from something strong and impressive to intense and powerful. Qi and Ki are the same. Reiki and Tai Chi are very very similar. I can't begin to explain how much performing Tai Chi enhances my Reiki practice. It is a strong energy that comes forward from not just my hands but my entire body. It happened before I took this class but not to the intensity it continues to do so at this time. I love it.

I have more I'd love to write about now but time is slipping away fast today. I have to get on with my normal activities...which don't include being near a computer. I'd love to spend more time writing...soon. I walk toward my dream with open arms. Soon.

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8:07 AM - BLOG INTERUPTED
Category: Blogging

It really IS amazing where life takes you when you put your dreams out into the universe.

Of course the moment I sit down to write, everyone in the house is ready to stop what they're doing and want to be involved with what I'm doing. Will be back later.

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1:00 AM - LET THE MIND RACE
Category: Life

Day by Day
I seek the possibilites
Searching for
The one and only thing that I lack
Look at the hourglass

Count down, a decision I should cast
Let the mind race, at a fast pace
Take me to another place

Lost and found again
Right before the fork in the road
I start then begin
Right before the fork in the road
I spilt apart in two
Never to discover you
I carry this giant load
Left me before the fork in the road

Stop
I believe the day is dawning before the truth
No hint no clue, who knows what to do?
Green again
Time to chase those feelings away

Times ticking you must make up your mind (Yes I will, yes I will)
The moment is gone without a thrill
(Yes I will, yes I will) ~ Lillix

Anthony Robbins once said, "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." My mother has said this to me many times in my life. Not necessarily that I've repeated things. Just to make sure that I don't go about doing just that...repeating something, usually a grandious mistake of the Kalypso-kind. 

I really can't think of a time when I repeated mistakes I'd made. Okay, there was that one time with a Former. I did end up getting back together with him that one time. That was a whopper of a Kalypso-Katastrophe. It began as a simple innocent "friendship" and ended somewhere with my vowing never to see him again, something very traumatic happening here but am not ready to put it in my blog, meeting someone else after vowing to give up men for life, getting married, having two beautiful children, getting a divorce and winding up here...happily married with three beautiful children. So while it was a whopper of a mistake it lead down a fork in the road I do not regret taking.

It was either Albert Einstein or Ben Franklin who said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Google has different answers to the question of who dunnit. I don't think I'm insane though I know it could be thought of as my having done things over again expecting different results. The reason I am sane (by this definition) is that I've always achieved different results. Get married, realize not the right person, get divorced. Get married, realize IS the right person, stay married. Go to school, take time off, work, have children, go to different school, get certificate degree, get license, work, go back to school, finally obtain degree. There is a picture forming here right?

My true way of telling that I am sane is that I know I am INsane. Unfortunately, KNOWing I am, means I'm sane.

Now that I've let my mind race and race fast. Secretariate would be ever so proud! I am going to take a long hot bath. Yes, it is summer, yes, it is warm out, yes, I am insane. But I know all of these things. I revel in my knowledge. I'm going to revel in my bath. I'm planning to ponder the fork in the road that lies just up ahead while I soak.

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2:28 AM - LET YOUR SOUL AND SPIRIT FLY
Category: Life

We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won as we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic~Van Morrison

Let me just quickly bow before the living divinity of Van Morrison for gifting us all with this song! It has indeed come in handy.

It feels like ages since I last wrote. Is this how I'm beginning all of my blogs lately? If so, I will need to change that up a bit. It is late tonight and while I feel a long drawn out blog coming on I don't think it will be this evening. However, these things have been known to take on a life of their own...these fingers of mine click clacking upon the keyboard tilted on my lap. Though my eyes may have an entirely different agenda.

I had been hesitant to write. Yes, me. Each time I start to write there is a pause. A pregnant pause? No one's mind would trend toward nappies and tiny clothing with that description. A, what is it called? Uncomfortable silence...yes, that is it. Why is it uncomfortable? Because I want to speak (read: write) yet the words hang in the air as if frozen in time. I see them. I can read them. Yet to translate the firings of neurons in my brain onto a computer screen...there is a disconnect. A glitch in the program.

What could be the cause? As if there is some sort of menace that needs restraining or cataclysmic deficiency that needs curing...no not so very dramatic.

I am in a place...physically (Rhinebeck, NY), emotionally (calm, is this truly an emotion?), mentally (clear and directed), and spiritually (oh, the places one can go at Omega...Dr. Seuss and Friends could never even imagine!)

I've been studying Tai Chi for the last few days at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. First, this place is amazing with energy and spirituality. You have to check out their site www.eomega.com for more information. They have tons of offerings of different classes for different styles and needs. I highly recommend checking them out if this is an interest. There is a place in California called the Esalen Institute which is similar.

It has been a long time since I've been able to connect with the Earth as I have this week. Through the training, the location, the solitary state (no husband, no children...I still don't know how I became so blessed for this opportunity)...I have gotten a chance to make some amazing friendships, meet Elizabeth Lesser (one of my favorite authors!) in person and get a hug from her, eat totally healthy vegetarian foods all week (minus the one time I got sushi off site) and learn a phenomenal new (new to me new) practice.

I will go on about Tai Chi in another blog. This one I am going to end here. I'm off to dream of sailing into the mystic. I know now how it feels...

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