MySpace is keeping me hydrated
Current mood: jubilant
Category: Blogging

...because it is so slow to respond to any clicks that I took a sip of water every time it paused changing pages. So since I was looking around quite a bit (because I stupidly couldn't figure out how to change my main photo- I somehow missed the "Set as default" button like 3 times) and because myspace is the slowest site on the interweb, I have already had 2 and a half bottles of water.

For those of you who haven't heard yet, I'm engaged! josh proposed to me Thanksgiving morning. We haven't set a date yet or anything, and I'm in no rush, but it is nice to have the formal commitment. And the ring is beautiful. It's an oval diamond with one oval blue sapphire on each side, set in white gold, and it's exactly what I wanted.  Karin was so funny when I told everyone (really I just showed them the ring because I was still in shock)- she used to do event planning, so the first thing she said was, "Okay Emily, I'm thinking a Fall wedding..." And then later Carolyn informed me that she was my maid of honor. and of course she is, but I thought I would get to ask her... but she's right, it's obvious. Even though the wedding won't be anytime soon, I'm excited that I can peruse bridal magazines and think about places to register and all that girly bride stuff.  I've always had this plan to invite everybody who has a house in the Hamptons to my wedding, because I figure that those rich people know so many people that they won't know they don't know me, and they won't come to the wedding, but they'll send a gift. Is that terribly wrong?

On the cancer front:
I got two new real-looking nice wigs, one is chin-length and sandy brown, the other is longer layered and red, but I'm still getting used to them. I don't go out too much, and I don't see the point of wearing one when I'm at home or going to the clinic. I'll try to get some pics of them up soon.
I have my last chemo in this cycle tomorrow, and then I get a break before I start my new regimen Dec 19. They should do another bone marrow biopsy during the break to make sure there is still no leukemia.
I started a new drug that is supposed to help preserve my ovaries, since the chemo can make me infertile... that's hard to think about, and it really depressed me for a while, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Christmas is coming!!! and I'm getting stupidly excited about it like Will Ferrell in Elf.  I love the music and the lights and the excitement in the air. And people go crazy around Christmastime, which can be really funny. Time to go put up the tree~

3:07 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I don’t get it
Current mood: day-dreamy

So I keep getting blood but I'm not giving any or losing any...with the whole "conservation of matter" thing, I should be overflowing with the stuff. How does that work?

7:18 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

great news!
Current mood: excited
Category: Life

So I found out yesterday that I have 0% lymphoblasts/leukemia from what they could see in the latest bone marrow biopsy! and then today they came in and told me I can go home! at least for a while... 

So now I'm waiting for my Dad to call me back so he can come get me outta here... I'm so excited! I'm going to stay at my mom's for a few days with Josh- as luck would have it, our AC broke and we're waiting for the apt complex to fix it. ugh. but anyhome is better than here.

Currently listening : Under the Table and Dreaming By Dave Matthews Band Release date: 27 September, 1994

8:41 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

23 days and counting
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

So it's been a while since I posted anything and i figured it was time for some sort of update. If not for my loyal fans, then at least for me. wow i never realized how many different emoticons there are. . sooooo...

I finally broke down and cried for myself a while ago, and it felt good. I'm reallly not good at that- crying for myself- it makes me feel weak and guiltykindof it's wierd. but there's a psychologist on staff here who was really helpful when it all finally hit me and I needed to let it out. It just took a while for it to hit me how big this is, how it's changing and going to continue to change my life for quite some time.  Like now I don't have a job. (thank god they actually hired me back, even knowing I couldn't go back to work so I can get FMLA for a few months.  I was hired on contract, so technically they could've just not renewed it and I'd be screwed insurance-wise.) and even when I get out of here I can't go back to my job because I'm not allowed to be near anything as infectious as children. or fresh fruits and vegetables, believe it or not. pretty much anything with bacteria. so I just realized I'm complaining but I just need to right now. The food here sucks. my fam has been pretty good about bringing my home-cooked suff when they can, though. I've lost a shitload of weight from the medicine, and it looks pretty nasty. like I have no thigh muscles left. so it's also really fatiguing to stand or walk anywhere. and god I really want to go home.

My mom cut my hair off to about chin-length- it's actually really cute. It was just getting to be a pain in the ass to put up and brush and wash and all that. but it's still here. if you want to see b4 and after pics my mom posted some in the gallery on my carepage: www.carepages.com and it's EmilyZimney. 

Josh shaved his head. He didn't tell me he was going to, either, and he did it they same day my mom cut my hair, so when he came to visit we were both saying "look at you!" for like an hour.

So far my treatment is going well, they way it's supposed to (knock on wood) and the last bone marrow biopsy showed a small amount of luekemia, good small. I did have one scary thing happen recently- I had a stroke somehow. Apparently I have two blood clots in my brain. so that's really scary and sucks a lot because they really don't know why I have them either, except that maybe it was from birth control and smoking. so now I have to get a shot of blood thinner twice a day for like a few months cause that's how long it takes for them to dissipate. So I'm a little freaked out about that. The good thing is after it happened and my left side stopped working, i recovered my mobility pretty quickly, within the same day, so it looks like there's not any lasting damage or anything.

As far as the cancer goes, I've been doing well enough that I'm not continuously hooked up to my IV tree anymore, which is Awesome. I haven't been on it for like two days. And now I'm just in the waiting period when they're waiting for certain counts to drop down to 0 before they rise back up again... I'm not really sure how it all works.

So that's it for now. Thank you Thank you Thank you to everyone who has sent me cards and nice thoughts. It really means so much to me. Sheil, you've been especially wonderful, thanks for continuing to send cards, they are the highlights of my days. And I read that Tim Burton book already, very dark and lovely.

Here's my address if anyone wants to send me a card, I would appreciate it. but please Don't just come by and visit. I can get sick really easily so the less visitors I have, the better.

Emily Zimney
Northside Hospital
Room 358
1000 Johnson Ferry Rd. NE
Atlanta, GA 30342

I love you all~
MLe

4:26 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Bittersweet Mormons
Current mood: wondering
Category: wondering Religion and Philosophy

Mormons just came to my door.

I looked at one's nametag to make sure that they were, in fact, selling a religion. It said JESUS CHRIST just like that in big caps. So I said

"No Thanks"
in a very nice voice, like when someone offers you a bite of something and you're not hungry.
"Have you spoken with missionaries before?"
Kindof an odd question to get in the door. It doesn't specify the type of missionary. And the obvious answer is
"Yes".
And there were no more objections. The talking one just pulled out a small flyer with a picture of The Book of Mormon on it, held it out to me, and said
"Well do you mind if we leave you something?"
I didn't want them to waste it just to be nice. It's contradictory. So I responded,
"If you want me to throw it away..."
They laughed.
"No, we wouldn't want that" he said as he slipped the flyer back into his pocket.
"Ok, well, bye."
"Bye".
And it occured to me that in all my run-ins with Mormon missionaries, "Mormons are really nice. They're not pushy at all", I said to Josh.
"It's because they never live life", he said.
"If I never lived my life, I thnk I would become really bitter. Or is it living life that makes you bitter? I don't know."

12:37 PM - 3 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Newsbreak!
Current mood: in awe

"So, if you have an infection that won't go away on your skin, you should call your doctor and get it checked out."
-Serious "Brainiac" Newslady

I'm changing the channel.

2:56 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

addendum to profile, as all things change
Current mood: irritated

as of about a month now, I no longer smoke. people keep asking me all concerned-like, "so how's the not-smoking thing going?", and my automatic response is to say fine or good but when I think about their question I really want to say shut up or it sucks, and the latter I sometimes do say, and it catches them off-guard in the say that an honest answer does to a polite question that the asker asks just to hear themselves being nice when they're not really because they don't give a damn so they don't know what to say to anything that's not good or fine because it's not in the script. but then I get to thinking a little more about the question and I want to say to them that the not-smoking thing is about as great as having the same inane conversation over and over. or that it makes me miss the chicken pox and yearn for a yeast infection. my only solace is the 90 bucks a month in my pocket and the hope that someday people will stop bringing it up, because I don't want to think about it. all this to tell everyone that i will not edit my profile, because even though I do not smoke now, when I did it, i did it avidly.

8:10 AM - 4 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

drunken time
Current mood: impressed

haven't blogged in a while and I wuppose it's about time. that's okay because I'm kinda drunk. hung out with the kristie and the brad tonite at my pad. all was well. and when your drunk like me legs are amazing contraptions. they'll just carry you around for no other reason than that you tell them to. and whales are big. 

12:35 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

montage of goodness
Current mood: amused
Category: Parties and Nightlife

pretty phkin cool. check it out.

7:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

How to boil a frog
Current mood: contemplative

So i'm still gettin the hang of this thing, as with a lot of things I guess. I applied for a "real job" yesterday. Just the experience has stirred up a witch's brew of emotions and memories.... I remember being sixteenish and creating psychedelic drawings/writings in classes that expressed my heightened angst due to realizing my ulitmate position of powerlessness in the system. Now as I type these sentences- although That Was Me- I'm thinking "Damn stupid teenager bullshit". But I still remember gradually realizing that I was born into a world with a certain order about it, and that that order includes the quest for little green (and now orange and pink) papers to survive, and that this work and acceptance of it somehow seems to draw adults away from experiencing little pleasures, that eventually everyone's eyes seem to fade with resignation. So I almost feel as if I am betraying my former self in that I am excited about and embracing this job opportunity. But I've managed to go this far with school and work and melodrama and idiocy and bills to face without too much fading as a consequence. I hope its not so gradual that you don't notice it, like how you can gradually increase the heat on the stovetop to boil a frog. Apparently, as long as it starts off cold and it's gradual enough, they just stay there and let themselves cook.

6:45 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment