My vice.
Category: Writing and Poetry

My vice is my words

They do not speak

Nor utter a syllable

They flow swift across a page

The weight of my world

Rests on top of my shoulders

With no release

This has become too much

I need my fix

My addiction

Are emotions within my words

Put down upon this paper

That lies silient and still before me

One word leads to the next

Then this piece is born

My release Follows

Tension is set free

As breath returns once again to me

Damn this writers block.  I can't write,  need to, yet all I come up with is meanless ramblings.

3:00 AM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Letting go... It has to happen at some point.
Category: Writing and Poetry

Sometimes all we have even years later is to let go.  We wish happiness for others, even if that means we cannot be a part of that persons life.  When we hold onto old heartaches it sabotages new relationships and friendships.  So I guess all that is left is to wish you well and let go of a friendship I now accept cannot be.  Many have touched my heart, but only one has touched my soul.  Good luck D in everything you do....  I am finally letting go.

10:52 AM - 5 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I smile.... A decieving title for the words written.
Current mood: chill
Category: Writing and Poetry

I was reading a friends blog.  Someone I have come to admire.  He spoke of love and heartache.  He spoke of hiding our hurt beneath a smile.  Deception with a smile.  When I got to this line, I had to pause for a few moments while tears blurred my vision and my mind pondered that sentence… 

I smile constantly
I know my heart still bleeds.
From my past
It haunts me
Yet I continue to smile
Most would never know
Unless you took a closer look
Into my world
Into my heart
You wouldn't get to see
What love has done to me

 The question those who have never felt love always ask
'Was it worth it?'
Hell yes it was.
'Would I try it again?'
That one is harder to answer.
I'm not sure I would.
I have loved twice.
Once I chose to accept it
The other….
Blindsided me
With no word or warning
I was caught by surprise
I did not react well at all
He knows I'm sorry.
Though that is another story
one you have all read about

But...Yes
Both were worth it.
Once it almost killed me
I'm not sure I could go through that again

So for now
I will continue to smile
I will smile today
I will smile tomorrow
And maybe one day
This smile will no longer bare my hearts sorrow.

9:51 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I...And many things.
Current mood: stressed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Following Courntey's and Amy's tag....I tag eveyone and no one.  If you want fill it out and post it, if not no big.  This is a lot of me revealed in small doses....so you can handle it.  ;)

I live: life as full as I know how

I talk: too much.

I wish: for pure happiness

I enjoy: driving like I am trying to kill the road. Before it kills me. I am currently winning.

I look: for the beauty in people

I find: that beauty, that others miss

I smell: delicious. But don't take my word for it...

I hide: nothing. But neither do I carelessly reveal...

I pray: for the people I care about

I walk: with a strut. Or so I'm told.

I write: with passion.

I see: through people's words, into who they are.

I sing: often. I always have. I am not any good.

I can: fix terrible situations, and wreck good ones.

I watch: for police when I drive. but not for the reason most may think.

I yearn: to help people when I can.

I daydream: of a past love

I want: to be a better person

I cry: rarely. Sometimes I need to, and I can't.

I read: everything I can.

I love: my sons..

I sometimes: wish I could let go and have more fun.

I touch: all the time. I need touch and affection.

I hurt: yes, yes I do

I fear: I may not accomplish the things I think I must.

I hope: for all things.

I break: rules and traffic laws that should not be.. Get over it.

I eat: when there is time

I quit: beating myself up, and let myself just be

I bathe: in bubbles and lilac (yeah right)

I drink: white wine with steak. I know, I'm a rebel.

I stop: writing sometimes to stare at the paper when in contimplation

I save: momentos from people.

I hug: my sons

I am in: a difficult situation right now.

I play: often

I miss: him

I hold: myself accountable.

I forgive: most things

I forget: Very little

I drive: like I mean it.

I learn: well. but still do foolish things.

I have: skills.

I don't: ask for help when I should.

I made: his life matter

I kiss: perfectly.

I love: Passionatly

I believe: in myself.

I wait: for breakthroughs... I know they will come

I need: a purpose.

I feel: like I am having a hard time writing all this.

I know: many things. But not everything.

10:00 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Walking in a dream. I had to look around to see if you were infact there.
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Writing and Poetry

As I walked up to the bottom of the stair case

Looking towards the top

To where I knew you laid

Waiting….

Waiting to hold me in your arms

A chill consumed my body

Giving me the courage to start my ascend

Step up my dear

Do not be afraid of what lies at the top

He is not your greatest fear

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A creak and rattle

So loud as I climb

I feel my hand tremble

with thoughts of the divine

The heavens would shed tears

As our souls interlaced

And bodies intertwined

This night is filled with passion

Love encompasses the room

Cascading me in gentle kisses

Chemical reactions

To your every touch

As I tremble under your lips

Shuddering to every penetration

Erratic breathing plays in such harmony

Just when I think it has become too much

You lay me down wrapped into your arms

Gently stroking my hair

As I fall into a deep slumber

Safe in your arms is where I could be caused the greatest harm

My dreams have always been lively ones

Ravenous caresses

Controlled with form

Leaving lasting impressions across my body

Searing memories forever embedded in my soul

I awoke to find this had all been but a dream

A dream in my heart

O how it touched my soul

Will I ever get to know

The touch of your caresses

The tremble of your kiss

Then I realized

It was only the shadows

Of my greatest desire

That walked through my dreams last night.

8:37 PM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

A few of the things I have learned in my life.
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Writing and Poetry

The things I have learned in my 30 years on this rock.

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If you screw up, apologize immediately.  It only gets harder to do it the more you wait.

Wait too long and you may have burned a bridge. 

Keep your bridges intact you may want to walk over them again.

Other people won't always apologize when they make you cry.

Pride will only take you so far.  When it takes you to love, swallow it.

Sharing is nice.

Being rude is mean.

You can say anything you want to, as long as you present it the right way.

Not everyone is as smart as you think you are.

Love hurts

Good deeds feel good.

People sometimes take advantage of your generosity.

No one is perfect no matter how hard you try.    

Sharing is good

Love is the best and worst thing in the world.

Death only hurts those left to live

Surviving is not living

Being content will never bring you to happiness

The people you love may not always love you back

Some people are crazy

Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to like them

If you break something of someone else's replace it

Mother is the name for God on the lips of all children

Your children have to hate you at some point in life or they never move out

Life doesn't always work the way you plan

If you need to clean your head, clean your house first

Everyone needs an outlet or they blow at some point

Funerals are not for the dead, but for those left behind

No two people are the same

Hope is the greatest word ever invented

Lots of people self medicate without knowing it

Women worry too much

Respect would make a perfect world

Your heart can be your worst enemy

Egos start wars

IF YOU TRY TO SIT ON TWO CHAIRS YOU WILL SIT ON THE FLOOR..
TO DO NOTHING IS TO BE NOTHING..
THERE IS A LID FOR EVERY POT..
YOU ARE JUDGED BY YOUR COMPANY...
THE SWEETEST FRUIT HANG HIGHEST
DONT EXPECT MONEY TO BRING YOU HAPINESS..
A LIAR IS WORSE THAN A THEIF..
SOMETIMES THE HARDEST THING TO DO AND THE RIGHT THING TO DO ARE THE SAME..
YOUR CHARACTER IS YOUR DESTINATION..
EXPERIENCE NOT POSSESSIONS DEFINE YOU..
NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WITH MORE PROBLEMS THAN YOU..
BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU GOT..
GOOD OR BAD ALL THINGS MUST COME TO AN END..
THE TRUTH WILL SURFACE EVENTUALLY..
IF IT LOOKS LIKE A DUCK, QUACKS LIKE A DUCK AND WADDLES LIKE A DUCK ITS PROBABLY A DUCK OR SOME A$$ IN A DUCK SUIT

My 8 favorite words to live by….

Faith               Honor

Hope               Respect

Peace              Truth

Love               Valor

3:54 PM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Just a thought.
Current mood: bummed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Have you ever had a life changing event?  So much so that when it is over, you no longer know the person looking back from the mirror.  This morning when I woke up I looked in the mirror and felt like I no longer knew who I was or why I was here.  Sometimes I just wish I could go back to the life I once had.  I know my life then was not perfect, but it was a good life a life I loved…..and the life I will always miss.

5:06 PM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

A life passed by. Dedicated to My Aunt deb
Current mood: crushed
Category: Writing and Poetry

I wrote this piece for my mother to read at my Aunt's funeral, since I can not be there.  I also tried to write this from my Uncle's point of view having one last memory and conversation with my Aunt.  I believe this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to write.

A Life Passed By

I know you're tired

Ready to go

Leave this world

And the life I know

We say our goodbyes

For the last time

We would knew the time would come

Though it's not easy

Seeing through these eyes

As you shed your very last tear

Just one more time

Many things will change

This I can be sure

And I can't go back

To the life I once knew

No matter how much I want it to

I'm so afraid

Even more afraid to lose

All the memories we've made

That may one day slip on by

Without a word

And never say goodbye

As I broke down and cried

To say our last goodbyes

I whispered to you my fears

As you slipped your hand in mine

You wipe away my tears

Sooth and ease my mind

Do not weep for me

Not even for the memories

I'll always be here

Living in you

For you have held my heart

And touched my soul

This is something you ought to know

You made my life

More than I ever expected it to be
And for that I thank you eternally

12:38 AM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

My muse
Category: Writing and Poetry

My muse

Where have you gone

Are you lurking in the shadows of my psyche?

Behind some hidden corridor?

Crouching in the abyss of my heart

Do you want to be found?

I know I wish nothing more

than to find you

Unleash these opaque thoughts

Crowding the mind

Where is my pen?

Where is the paper?

These feelings are tearing out from the inside

Pleading to get out

Begging to be known

I do not know

What these emotions are

But I know the only way to find out

Is make my heart

Talk to my hand...

12:34 AM - 3 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

A walk
Current mood: amorous

Loving words I never got to speak

Drain from my pencil

And fall onto the paper before me

The words I have longed to whisper

Were never allowed to pass though these lips

And into your ears

All I ever wanted

All I ever wanted

Was to walk

Walk beside you in this existence we call life

I guess the life I wanted

Did not want me anymore

And so this life that has chosen me

Continues today

Then into tomorrow

With distant memories of the life I miss
Walk on
To what I've got
Maybe one day I'll accept this life
and stop searching for something more

8:45 AM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment